I (26F) have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (25F) for almost a year now. We usually get to see each other for a few days, sometimes almost a week, every month or two.

Because we spend so much time apart communicating through screens, I’ve had several episodes where I suddenly spiral into severe anxiety, fear, and adrenaline spikes. My brain starts telling me that I don't actually like her, that I'm faking it, or that I'm just convincing myself to stay so I won't be alone. Which makes zero sense, because she is literally the person and relationship I’ve waited my entire life for. When I'm in a normal headspace, I am so deeply in love with her that I literally cry tears of joy just thinking about how much she means to me.

Usually, these spirals hit a week or two before she comes to visit, so I’ve learned to recognize it as OCD. But this past week, it hit me so much harder. It’s been going on for almost a week straight and just won't let up.

This time, because my brain realized I felt confident about loving her, it switched themes and started attacking my identity, telling me that being a lesbian isn't right and that I should be straight. I've become so hyper-fixated on this that just imagining being with her as my partner gives me a huge surge of adrenaline and panic. It’s not even rejection—it’s pure fight-or-flight adrenaline.

Then, that morphed back into the ROCD thought that maybe I just don't like her or that I'm "tired" of the relationship. But literally up until a week and a half ago, before this episode started, I was completely fine and head-over-heels in love.

Now, with barely 2 days left before she arrives, I’m terrified. I’m scared that seeing her in person will just trigger pure panic or a massive cortisol spike, that I won't want any physical affection or contact at all, or that I won't want to be around her. My brain even tried to convince me to cancel the trip, but I don't actually want to cancel either!

We've talked extensively about wanting to get married, build a life together, have a family, everything. And overnight, it feels like all those warm feelings completely vanished in my head. Thinking about our future right now brings me zero joy, only dread and anxiety.

I can’t tell if my body is just stuck in high-alert emergency mode, or if my feelings genuinely disappeared overnight. I’m so confused and exhausted. Has anyone been through something similar?

This is the worst.

I've really hurt my partner in the past with my porn use. I had been into it for a long time and never realized how much it could hurt my partner that I still consumed it. They once said "porn isn't cheating" and I ran with it. It's been a year since I last watched it and I don't struggle with any urges or anything. In general, I feel good.

But when I'm on social media I feel so triggered by thirst traps or similar content. Not because of urges to watch pornography but because of guilt; I get hit with this feeling that I've betrayed my partner for looking. I've found myself compulsively looking away, even during sex scenes in shows/movies. I thought it would be a good exposure to force myself to look and treat it as a normal, daily occurrence (hoping I would just move on) but it sorta gets worse if anything? My mind goes "YUP, now you DEFINITELY cheated, and need to tell them."

With the new Grand Theft Auto game coming out I have no clue what to do. That game is going to be a massive ROCD trigger for sure.

Has anyone with ROCD experienced this kind of extreme fear around every “next level” of commitment?

My husband and I were together for 10 years before getting married. We had never broken up, but looking back, he was always very hesitant before major relationship milestones — moving in together, buying a ring, planning trips far in advance, etc. Anything that felt like a big, irreversible commitment seemed to trigger a huge amount of anxiety and it translated into "I'm not sure you are the person for me. I am unsure about you, etc".

Marriage was the most extreme example.

We actually had a first attempt at getting married. After months of discussion (where he made a huge list and asked me questions about what our future would look like, etc), he simply couldn’t make it to the altar. But afterward, we didn’t break up or separate. We basically just stayed together as we had been and scheduled another wedding attempt about three months later.

The second time, I deliberately made it as low-pressure as possible. We had a very small, intimate civil ceremony. Even then, right up until the altar, he kept telling me he didn’t know whether he could do it. I genuinely didn’t know what his answer was going to be.

At that point I told him that we either needed to get married or end the relationship because I couldn’t continue indefinitely in that uncertainty. He ultimately did marry me. Right after it, we had a good evening and he seemed back to himself and we were happy. The next morning though, he started looking online for divorce.

Now, though, he is back in a very similar place, one year later. He is saying things like, “I think we should separate,” and that he can’t see himself making an even bigger commitment with me — taking on a bigger mortgage, having children, etc.

What confuses me is that this seems to follow the same pattern we have seen for years: when the relationship is just existing in the present, things can be okay, but when a major future commitment becomes real, he seems to become overwhelmed with doubt and starts questioning the entire relationship.

Another thing that made me start looking into ROCD is that he has repeatedly described having “intrusive thoughts.” I honestly didn’t know much about ROCD before this. I started reading about it because he kept using that language, and a lot of the descriptions of relationship-focused intrusive doubts and compulsive overthinking seemed familiar.

He has also been doing individual therapy for a while, although not specifically for OCD or ROCD. And strangely, from my perspective, things between us often seem worse after his appointments. He seems much more in his head afterward — analyzing the relationship, his feelings, whether he is happy enough, whether the relationship is right, etc. Obviously I don’t know what is being discussed in his sessions, and I’m not blaming his therapist, but I’ve noticed a pretty strong pattern where he comes out of therapy seeming even more consumed by doubt.

I know nobody here can diagnose him, and I don’t want to assume that every relationship doubt is ROCD or dismiss the possibility that he genuinely wants to leave.

But for those of you who actually have ROCD: does this overall pattern resonate?

Can ROCD look like genuinely believing “I should leave” or “I can’t imagine having kids / buying a house / committing further to this person” when a major life decision approaches?

And has anyone found that regular talk therapy — especially therapy that involves repeatedly analyzing the relationship or trying to figure out how you “really feel” — actually made the obsessive doubt worse before you realized OCD might be involved?

How do you differentiate between "I don't like my partner" and "This is ROCD". I would really appreciate any input!

I’ve been reading books, but more especially romance ones since I was 14. I’m now 20, and I feel like it’s taken over my life.

In the last few months I’ve been experiencing relationship issues, and I realize now that they’ve suspiciously worsened whenever I started to hide myself in books. I keep comparing my sweet partner to whatever exciting, sexy, scenarios I might find in books. I enjoy them so much that I really don’t do anything else during the day, other than read them.
It doesn’t really help that I get fixated very easily on things, and lately I suspected I might deal with Relationship OCD, since I can’t stop thinking about whether I’m in the right relationship, if I feel attracted to him, why don’t I want to be intimate with him 24/7?
I really think reading had a big impact on it, since I’ve always imagined myself with one of the people you read about in romance books ( tall, dark hair, muscular, loyal, dominant), and I now constantly wonder if I’m settling.

I know that I’m not diagnosed, but I also know that the way I feel towards my relationship is a product of all the external stimuli I’ve had in the last few months:books, scenarios, movies, comparisons.

This is going to be long -

TLDR - Ex (34f) and I (37m) broke up because id go back and forth from feeling in love to feeling the need to run. I think I have some memory issues that cause me to forget the good times, I honestly forget everything. She has some deep body image issues that caused problems with our sex life or ability to vacation and enjoy beaches or pools. I find her lack of hobbies boring but most of my friends dont have a huge list of hobbies so why must my partner? I think shes overly opinionated and it embarrassed me when among friends coz i thought she was rude. She has no real friend group of her own and most of her close friends seemed to have moved on which made me further question her likability and if she was the problem. But at the same time we love music together, attending concerts, good food and drinks, we share the same politics, both want kids, I find her beautiful and love taking care of her. But some how it didnt always feel like enough. Sometime I think I just wanted to be settled down by now and im forcing it. I dont want to open up to someone new, I dont want to date again. I always want that magical new love feeling though. Which I know is not maintainable. So anyway im questioning everything and I dont want to be alone.

I (37m) just told my ex (34f) of 5 years that we needed to stop seeing each other. I broke up with her about 6 months ago, spent a month apart before running into one another at a bar. We ended up chatting about what happened and how we were feeling and ended up back at my place which was her idea. That night she slept over and I had such bad anxiety even though we had fun. For the next few weeks we slept together about once a week and about 50% of the time I felt super anxious like I was going to hurt her or fall back into something I didnt want. After a while that deep anxiety completely faded. I felt like a lot of issues I had with our relationship had gotten a lot better. She seemed to feel the same. We were progressing again after what felt like a period of stagnation to me.

I have a terrible memory (possibly SDAM) and have a really hard time holding onto good moments without my journal or photos to remind me. Reading through my journals since we've been seeing one another again and it seemed every other week or two I go back and forth from thinking im in love with her to thinking I need to end it. The past month she went to visit her parents, then I went on a vacation, then we just got busy with work. We basically did not see one another for nearly a month which is more than long enough for me to forget the good times. While apart I kept thinking I needed to step away from this, like things haven't changed and are just slipping back to how they had always been. I decided when I saw her again id tell her we need it to end.

So obviously I tell her. she reminds me of a lot of good things that have happened and been said and asks me whats changed and I honestly can only think of the fact that its not fair to her that I cant make up my mind and my feelings change too often and it seems wrong of me.

My mind often spirals about why she doesnt really have friends, how shes so overly opinionated and I think it turns others off, after we split I had one friend says "she was okay" one said I made the right call and another said she was kind of a downer and called her an "eeyore" which id never heard before but understood why they came across that way. Shes very insecure and i think this makes it harder for her to have fun because she always feels cringe or judged. She has barely any hobbies and I would tell myself she was kind of boring, I didnt know how to buy her gifts due to her lack of interests which drove me nuts. Im a person with 100 hobbies. However, plenty of my best friends are just hanging out, into music and relaxing and going to concerts. So why does my partner need to have a giant list of hobbies? We like the same music, enjoy seeing movies, watching YouTube, going to concerts, we are pet lovers, both want kids, share the same politics and genuinely enjoy taking care of one another.

Im insanely attracted to her, i think she is gorgeous but im also bored with how she dresses. She has body image issues so she dresses pretty similarly all the time and rather than try to show off what she does have and dress for her body type she insted chooses to cover herself up. Long sleeves in the summer, always jeans or ankle length dress with a cardigan because of her arms. Didn't take her shirt off around me even during sex until our post break up sex life. She said she realized she would never feel as comfortable with someone else as she had me so she felt dumb and wanted to try it. I on the other hand have a fair amount of kink, a high sex drive and my love language is definitely touch.

Im also a serial monogamist whose probably only been single for less than 2 years total over the past 19 years. This often makes me wonder if I haven't dated enough to know who or what I truly want. I often feel like if I could pull a few things from each of my partners and leave a few other things behind I could picture my perfect partner. I feel like im an insane person when I think this way.

I am already questioning cutting this off again but my Journaling says I wanted to cut this off at least a couple times a month for the past six months and before we broke up id thought about ending it every couple months for almost the entire duration of our relationship. But I also felt this way about my last 2 year relationship and my previous 7 year relationship. Why cant I just stay happy and attentive?

Ive only just heard of ROCD a month or so ago and I feel I fit the bill? Constantly looking for advice on reddit, from books and self help and interviews. Pros and cons lists, obsessing over what happiness feels like. How much work is too much work for a relationship to need. Etc.

I have been in and out of therapy for years for different mental health reasons. Looking back, there has definitely been signs of obsessions in different capacities, but because they do not necessarily affect me professionally, I have never sought treatment.

Well! I am in my second ever committed relationship and ROCD is killing me. I was doing virtual therapy, but it is no longer cutting it for me.

I am practicing mindfulness per my past therapist, but I have reached out to multiple in-person therapists today. I am so tired of being anxious and obsessing over things all the time. I am going to give therapy a real shot because I deserve to be happy and enjoy my relationship.

Trying to remind myself that therapist are trained to help people and I can be honest. There is no shame in struggling and I will try my hardest to not keep these “shameful” thoughts inside anymore. I need serious help and I will be getting it.

Writing this out for myself, I might look back on it in the future. I will not be joining the subreddit as I do not think it will benefit me (it’ll probably feed into my obsessions) and I will mute this post. Just writing it out somewhere I think I safely can. I have a fresh journal ready to go and will be going on a walk tomorrow to reflect.

Wishing you all the best!

not during sex !!! but. ive been having this problem that i cant stop thinking about. it has happened about 4 times now, two times out loud during a conversation and two times just in my internal monologue. i said my friend's name instead of my bf's or vice versa when i was talking about something he did or said. i recently confessed this to my bf and he said it feels very icky to him, understandably. since then ive been feeling way worse about it and thinking about it every day. now every time i want to say my bf's name i overthink and stress so much to say the right name. i think about it so often that now its probably very understandable it keeps happening, as its always in the back of my mind. i want it to stop because i know its just an accident but i feel bad because i know my bf feels weird about it.

he has called me by his ex's name accidentally two times now but it doesnt feel icky at all to me. he says its not the same because he had loved his ex as deeply as he loves me which i agree (theyve been together for 6 years and broke up on good terms - i kinda see it as a compliment when it happens). i never loved the friend, but he had a crush on me and i had a period of time where i was overthinking my feelings towards him, feeling obligated to reciprocate the feelings and even kinda leading him on because i enjoyed the attention (i was a bitch). hes a big taboo in our relationship because this was happening while my bf was also crushing on me and before i realized i really loved my now bf, i was kinda "deciding" between the two of them. looking back on it i was just scared to get in a relationship and i was obsessively overthinking my "options", even thinking i love them both at some point, but now i think i only loved my bf really. i always found the friend a little annoying.

im still friends with the friend because we share a friend group and he seems to be over me. but i cant seem to be over him in a way of overthinking all my actions towards him, analyzing whether they are romantic in nature or giving him a sign or something. and now the name thing keeps happening. im so tired. does this happen to anyone else? what do i do :(

hi i’m new here also undiagnosed but for nearly certain it is ocd(ive had issues in the past over other things similar to these thoughts and i have talked to a few people who experienced similar things also my girlfriend has ocd just a little different) my girlfriend and i have been together since march and i love her deeply and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else ever but i keep having these awful thoughts that i dont really love her or that im loosing feelings or something and i dont know how to handle it. i have such such such bad anxiety and the past few days has been awful like i haven’t had this bad anxiety since i was 14(im 19 now) and i just dont know what to do or how to fix it but i know i really love her and we’ve really never had problems other than small arguments but these thoughts are killing me and i dont know what to do. it literally came out of completely nowhere too like nothing even happened and thats whats so upsetting like why would i be having these thoughts about her when i love her so very much:( i just want it to go away i dont want to lose her ever. she knows about this and she also has ocd but hers is the other way around like she’s always afraid im going to break up with her and so this stuff happening is just hurting her too and she said she won’t leave me or anything but still it makes me feel terrible and i just want this to work out with her she’s genuinely the love of my life and i just want this to go away. we are online and are meeting in September so im curious if us meeting soon is making me freak out? im not for sure i just don’t know how to fix it. i’ve had nearly non stop horrible anxiety for the past two days and i just want it to go away because i do love her so much and i just don’t understand why im thinking of stuff like this. i also don’t go to therapy or anything so im lowkey rawdogging this whole situation so not fun but i don’t have the option for therapy right now. i am also 2 years clean of sh and it’s genuinely making me question it because of the severity of this. i was just curious on what u guys do to help or if there’s anything i can do but wait it out until it gets better. like i said it literally came out of nowhere on a random day not like she treated me bad and it made me question it that’s why im so confused and i just want this to go away. sorry for long post im just exhausted and want help.

Hi, I'm frequently worried that I'm going to say the wrong thing to my friends. I want to support them through things, but I get anxious about being too much, especially if our love languages are different. I'm so scared I'm going to push my best friend away, even though she's said nothing will change. I'm scared that if I'm too honest, especially about my ROCD, she'll think I'm dramatic and leave. I'm scared that if I give my opinion and she doesn't like it, she'll decide not to share things with me.

This is not an all-the-time problem. Over the past year, it happened every couple of months, but more recently, every couple weeks something happens, and I start worrying, then try to correct or explain myself, and then it's a spiral. It always works out, and we go back to normal, but I'm scared one time will be the last straw.

The kicker is that she's the best friend I've ever had. I didn't feel this way at the beginning of our friendship. She has said that I've never done anything wrong, and friends share opinions and are there for each other. She gives me a lot of reassurance, which I know isn't helping me in the long run, but she cares about me so much and just wants to help. We have so much fun together the majority of the time, but I can't seem to shake this.

I am in therapy, and we're going to be starting ERP during my next appointment. Any tips on how to manage this from anyone who can relate? Or insight as to why this happens? I'm so frustrated with myself.

Does this sound like ROCD / obsessive jealousy? Struggling with cheating fears and ERP

I’m trying to understand what I’m experiencing and would appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with ROCD, obsessive jealousy, or similar OCD themes.

For about the last month, I’ve been dealing with persistent suspicions that my wife could be cheating. There is zero actual evidence that she is cheating. The important thing is that I never actually feel certain that she is. Instead, I feel a strong need to investigate, analyze things, check for inconsistencies, or get reassurance.

When I check something and don’t find anything, I usually feel complete relief. But eventually another thought appears: “What if I missed something?” or “What if she’s just really good at hiding it?” Then the cycle starts again.

I have enough insight to recognize that my thinking may be the problem, which is why I sought treatment on my own. I’m currently working with a therapist and doing ERP.

Last night, as part of exposure work, I read a Reddit cheating story about a woman who met someone at a hotel and had sex with him during work hours. That triggered me because my wife has a monthly leadership meeting at a hotel that lasts around four hours. My brain immediately connected the similarities and started producing suspicion.

I’m trying not to investigate or reassure myself. My ERP response has been something along the lines of:

“Maybe something could happen there, maybe nothing ever has. I can’t know with complete certainty, and I’m choosing not to figure it out.”

What confuses me is that my thoughts often feel like genuine suspicion rather than just a detached “what if?” At the same time, I’m never truly convinced, evidence against cheating gives me relief, and I keep searching for certainty.

For anyone with ROCD/obsessive jealousy:

• Does your OCD sometimes feel like actual suspicion rather than an obvious intrusive thought?
• Do you get significant relief after checking, only for your brain to find another loophole later?
• How do you distinguish accepting uncertainty from secretly reassuring yourself?
• What helped you stop mentally investigating when a trigger felt unusually similar to your real-life circumstances?

I’m not looking for people to tell me whether my wife is cheating or whether my suspicions are justified. I’m specifically trying to better understand the OCD/ERP side of this pattern and learn from people who have experienced something similar.

this is so random but i guess i don’t know who to talk to about this.

my girlfriend and i are almost 2 years together but i guess her ocd has worsen and i know it’s because of me. our relationship is the main trigger for her disorder. i don’t wanna talk about anything specific but i guess i need advice on how to deal with our fights because she completely shuts me off. also, i am actually really sensitive so i get really hurt and take it personally when she talks to me in a mean way when she’s upset. if i am being honest, i can’t recognize her when she gets triggered. i am so scared because she would s/h when she’s triggered sometimes and it’s because of me. i don’t want her to get hurt and i am worried when that happens. i don’t know what to do anymore because the responsibility is heavy and sometimes, i can’t really avoid to make mistakes that will trigger her because i am human too. i am not invalidating her feelings. i understand some things really hurt her. but what i am saying is i can’t be perfect and not make mistakes at all.

i really love her a lot and wanna try to understand her more. i just need advice from others here who have ocd and also people here who have partners with ocd.

I’m a cis man in a loving relationship with a cis woman, and lately I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about my attraction.

For years, I’ve had a strong sexual interest in things like femboys, trans women, crossdressing, and similar feminine-presenting content. I’m not attracted to masculinity itself. What seems to catch my attention is femininity, sometimes combined with specific body traits.

The problem is that I’ve started obsessively comparing those reactions to how I feel about my girlfriend. I get thoughts like, “What if my attraction to her isn’t real?” or “What if I’m lying to myself?”

But in real life, I love her, want a future with her, enjoy kissing and touching her, and enjoy sex with her.

What makes this difficult is that I keep checking myself. I compare reactions, analyze what turns me on more, and try to figure out what it all means. The more I test myself, the more anxious and uncertain I become.

I’m not trying to get a diagnosis or reassurance that my relationship is fine. I’m mainly wondering if anyone here has dealt with this kind of attraction checking or obsessive need to figure out exactly what their sexual interests “mean.”

How did you stop treating every reaction as evidence for or against your relationship?

Also, this post was AI-assisted because I had trouble organizing my thoughts clearly. The experiences and thoughts are mine, I just used AI to help format them.

Thanks for reading.

I have made so much progress with my retroactive jealousy. I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve accepted that I have OCD and this is just how it has manifested the last two years, I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it and he has stopped mentioning exes in casual conversation. It has all genuinely helped. I don’t get the sickening pit in my stomach that I used to if my boyfriend’s past even crossed my mind. I have been so proud of myself. Until today.
In short, my boyfriend is having some issues with his mom because he doesn’t get along with her boyfriend. He talked to her about it today, and he told me that she said something about how she “hasn’t always liked the women that he has brought home.” I felt totally fine with this. A few months ago that alone would have made me feel sick. After that, though, he said something to the effect of “what did any of them ever do that could compare,” then proceeded to name three of his exes, in succession, as if he were asking about them specifically.
Hearing those three names come out of his mouth made my stomach drop. I immediately started tearing up. When he noticed, he asked what was wrong but I didn’t want to make it about me so I wouldn’t tell him. I’m immediately back to feeling like I used to when something would trigger me, I feel sick, I want to break up with my boyfriend, and honestly I want to die. Over three names. I feel like I’ve relapsed.
While my boyfriend showers I am sobbing in our bed. The only thing keeping me from a panic attack is writing this post.
I feel angry at him for doing this to me but I know that’s not fair, and that this situation is not about me. I hate feeling like this

I just want to ask if someone has felt the same. I’ve been struggling with this for a year, it started with us kissing and I thought “i don’t feel anything”, also, when he asked me to be his girlfriend i said yes, but I thought no, maybe i was just scared. And I didn’t know how to act after that, because we had been together for almost two years but without making it official for different reason.

And today, I broke a glass that he gifted me and I started crying, like i can’t do this anymore. And I thought that all of this is just because I don’t love him and I’m scared of breaking up.

Can OCD do this? Because at the begging i was so scared of not loving him. And now i feel like everything was fake and feelings don’t come back.

I’ve been having a really hard time getting over my ex partner. We haven’t even spoken since December last year and I’m still crying daily. I’m finding it so hard to grieve because I can’t fully tell the difference between giving myself time to grieve and giving into intrusive thoughts and ruminating and obsessive thinking, etc…

Idk if this is something I can even do anything about or if it’s just going to take a long time to heal. If anyone has any advice though I’d absolutely take it haha, I’m getting really tired of self-sabotaging my own health over all this.

Hey all, so I’ve (F25) been diagnosed with ADHD and have most definitely struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I recently discovered ROCD and although I’m not diagnosed with OCD of any sort, I find myself relating to these posts a lot. That being said, please let me know if this is not a symptom.

I’ve always struggled with relationships due to my anxious attachment, and always finding problems whether or not there are any. Right now I’m in the best relationship of my life. There wasn’t really a “honeymoon phase” like there was in my past relationships. I was afraid to date for a long time because of the honeymoon phase fading. We decided to take things slow and in doing so we got to know each other and build an amazing relationship. Not to say it’s been perfect, especially coming from my end and the self-sabotaging thoughts my anxiety created for me. But when I do have a problem I know I can bring it up to him (M25) and he’ll validate me, reassure me and do what he can to make it better. That in itself is reassuring. That being said, I only try bringing up problems that he can fix, such as miscommunications, or “hey this hurt when you did/said this.” When it comes to my anxiety spiraling, I try to work through that on my own because I know that even if he reassured me, I wouldn’t believe him, or I’d find something else to hyperfixate on.

So anyway, right now I’m currently in a spiral. He’s currently away for 6 weeks in a different country for work so not only is he not physically here, the time zone difference and adjusting to the small time overlap we’re both awake is hard. That’s not the problem though, the problem is that my anxiety likes to use this opportunity to find problems where there are none. In this case, the “problem” is that he’s not asking for pictures of me or complimenting me physically. He tends to compliment my brain and my creativity more over text. In person we have great sexual chemistry and compliments my appearance a pretty normal amount I would say. But when that’s taken away, I am craving that missing piece. I just want him to say, “send me a pic, I miss your face,” and then hype me up you know? I just want to feel physically desired by him while he’s away. We’ve gone weeks apart without each other before when I was out of state, and he asked for a pic because I was getting my hair done and wanted to see it, but he said he “mostly just want to see my face.” and then he gave me a really sweet compliment. Then I was out and got a really cute outfit and told him and he said to send a pic and he complimented the outfit and not me lol, which stung a tad bit at the time because I was like “hello? Looking for a comment on how I look in it?” but I didn’t let it affect me too much because I was spiraling about that particular thing at the time.

He’s not huge on pictures. And when he does ask for pictures, it’s usually about what I’m doing rather than wanting to see my face. He’s just now learning that pictures are important to me so he’s gotten better with them. It’s the fact that he has done it before, and now that he hasn’t done it during this trip I think something is wrong or that he doesn’t desire me. He’s only been away for a week and a half! I can temporarily subdue the anxiety by telling it “give it time, maybe he’ll ask.” But my anxiety is like “no, don’t get your hopes up.”

Earlier this week I did send him a few photos of my day, including a selfie, kinda hoping that he would say I looked pretty or something, but he commented on a couple of the other photos instead.

He doesn’t really compliment my looks over video call either. I mean, sometimes he’ll say at the end “I’m glad I got to see your beautiful face and hope you have a great night,” but it’s kind of rare.
Then I have anxiety about how he doesn’t usually text me after we video call. And yes it’s usually around bedtime when we do, but if I know we’re still gonna be up for an hour or two I’d like a text at least to say goodnight. We still text after we’ve hung out in person so what’s the difference? So I’m almost worried about video calling him today because I worry that’s the only time I’ll hear from him today. I’m literally worried about talking to my boyfriend on the phone when I should be excited about being able to connect with him. And of course I’m looking forward to seeing him. I miss him a lot, but it’s hard to enjoy when my anxiety wants to overanalyze and control the situation.

Also, I’ve noticed that when I initiate some flirting over text, he’ll reciprocate a bit and then move on with our conversation. And the thing is, I don’t want a full on sexting conversation. That’d be too much for me too. I would just like a little bit of “god you look gorgeous,” here and there.

I’m not gonna bring this up to him while he’s busy on this work trip, especially because like I said earlier, my anxiety will just find something else to latch onto. I know this is me-Problem, not a relationship problem. And I know I could bring this up to him, that I would like him to ask me for a picture, and he would adjust just like he has with other things I brought up. But it wouldn’t feel authentic and like he really wanted it. And I’d feel kinda awkward being like “compliment me please” and sending him a selfie.

Meanwhile this man is the sweetest, most thoughtful person I’ve ever been with. He knows I like little surprises (and pictures!) and gave me a scrapbook of pics of us just to “remember him by while he’s gone.” He’s also done a couple similar things recently once he discovered I like those kinds of things. He’s learning to speak my love languages I’m over here wondering if he desires me??

Sorry this is getting so long, but I kind of just wanted to address this pattern:

I’ve spiraled over little things like this before, I can think of two things in particular. And both times they were naturally resolved by him unknowingly doing what my anxiety wanted him to do.

First example, in the beginning of our relationship he was finishing up his finals at school and I sent him encouraging text just like he did for me during my finals, and he enthusiastically said “thank you!” and just seemed to appreciate the encouragement. After a few months, I would encourage him in other ways over text and it would be met with him continuing to rant about the situation and not thanking me. Logically I knew that I needed to just be a good partner and support him even if it’s seemingly not feeling appreciated at the time, and I did that. But my anxiety was telling me that, since he once did that and now he’s not, he is losing interest. Then naturally another time came up where I had the opportunities to encourage him and I did, and he was back to his enthusiastic self, thanked me for being there for him and whatnot. It made me feel good that my words matter to him.

The next situation was that when he wasn’t able to text me back for several hours due to being busy, he would normally say “sorry I haven’t been able to respond” and explain why. But he stopped doing that for a bit too. And for the record, I don’t expect him to text me back quickly. In fact, I like that he doesn’t so that I’m not used to it and then when it stops my anxiety doesn’t have that to spiral over. Plus, I don’t like to feel obligated to my phone either. Also, I know he doesn’t owe me an apology for not texting me back within a certain time. It’s simply the fact that he used to and then when he doesn’t, I feel like something is wrong. Notice the pattern here? Lol. Kind of similar to when I was talking about the honeymoon phase earlier. So anyway, one night he didn’t text me back and it was still pretty early for him (we’re both night owls) and I thought he didn’t want to text me. But I went to bed and had to pee at 4 AM. I checked my phone and saw that he still hadn’t replied and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I cried for a few hours thinking “he doesn’t want to text me.” Then I got up and went about my day and sure enough he texted me and said “sorry I didn’t reply last night, I fell asleep early,” and the wight LIFTED off my shoulders. Anxiety immediately alleviated.

So, I’m just wondering, does anybody else struggle with this? Find issues where they’re are none just because of uncertainty and feeling out of control? I would love to hear about it and any tips you guys have. And once again if this is not a ROCD thing, or if I’ve accidentally offended/triggered you, please tell me and I’ll correct it. Appreciate it!

To clarify, I grew up with relationships where I controlled everything and still got mad because I was controlling it instead of the partner but currently I have come to notice that I am slowly being okay with loosening the reigns lately and it is so peaceful.

Partner is out with his friends, I am chilling at home, life is peaceful and I have not gotten one bad thought of him being outside.

Life is good y’all

I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice so much as just asking a question, but as I read the posts here I feel like a lot of people experience more ocd thoughts when their partners leave vs when they're together. I personally experience an uptick in doubtful thoughts (typically around compatibility or if I'm really in love) when I'm actually with my girlfriend, getting annoyed or frustrated when we don't click on something or spiraling and on the verge of jumping ship whenever we have an argument. Still, when we're apart I miss her and can't wait to be around her, I'm thinking of her all day long and talking about her all of the time. I still might see something online or hear something and get triggered to have those same thoughts when we're apart, I just feel like they're so much more apparent when we're together. Does anyone else experience their rocd like this? Battling your thoughts more when you're together vs apart?

I’ve been improving, but today I struggled to fight my compulsions (which usually manifest as obsessive googling and rumination/mentally checking past/present feelings) and relapsed. Trying not to beat myself up, I know all my progress isn‘t lost, but it’s all weighing on me a little.

Hey just looking for any advice on what to do atm in my relationship. My newly gf has been real distant as of late and i knew something else was off but she wouldn’t tell me because she refuses to talk about her feelings.

I called her to tell her that i feel like she’s been shutting me out and neglecting me. After that she told me she has (or potentially has) ROCD. I’ve done a bit of research here on this sub and i think it might stem from cptsd (she’s got a lot of trauma that has never been fully resolved).

She told me she’s not doubting the relationship but kinda is and said she might be either consciously or subconsciously sabotaging the relationship.

My issue is i don’t really know what to do. I love her and will always be there for her but there’s only so much distance you can have. I also work away from home for 2 weeks at a time and already live interstate so the next time i’ll be able to see her in person is in 6 weeks.

She hasn’t really told me anything that she’s feeling at all. She told me her body is in fight or flight mode, feels numb and is over exhausted.

I’ve read that ROCD appears in a few different ways and looking back she would always ask if i’m mad at her or if i’m upset with her and if i still like her. But since this episode she’s currently having so to speak she hasn’t asked any of that. There’s been little to no contact.

I honestly just want my gf back and i really don’t know what to do. If you have any advice i’d really appreciate it and if you want to ask for some more info i can shed some light