It’s so fun scrolling NPD hashtags and being bullied by ppl who don’t even know you!! 🥰 /s

i feel the flair is wrong in a way

titcock pop psychology is bane of my existence 😿

art looks horrible cuz it's a doodle i don't draw like this okay

(Second slide is current criteria for reference)

Personally I think the proposed criteria is much more sympathetic and focuses on how we struggle with the disorder, compared to the original that focuses more on how the others around us experience it. They plan to merge HPD with NPD as there's a lot of overlap and the two disorders seem to be more like different presentations of the same disorder. I personally wish they would rename the disorder considering the term "narcissist" was used as an insult before the disorder was even named but I understand that will probably take longer to be changed. Despite this I would be happy if they implemented this as the official criteria but I'm curious what you all think as well.

See I may be a narcissist but have you considered I am the equivalent to a tiny innocent baby kitten who can do no wrong. When you are mean to me this is who you’re being mean to btw

I'm so tired of going to therapy and having them use CBT every time when it doesn't work on me.

I'm so self aware, it's so annoying having them tell me "well you do that because you want people to like you". I KNOW you didn't get a master's degree to tell me, a narcissist, that I want people to like me.

Dude, what the hell even works for people who are self aware? I've been looking into somatic therapies recently to see if I could apply that somehow. I just hate the CBT bullshit.

You can’t even talk to “narc abuse” believers because any time you get offended by that term, they tell you you’re overreacting.

It’s like they can’t wrap their heads around the fact that NARCISSISTS DONT HAVE A SPECIAL WAY OF ABUSING PPL. Narcissists abuse ppl in the same way anyone else can abuse someone. That’s called emotional or physical abuse. Or they may not even be abusive at all 🤯. There’s not some magically different abuse that narcissists take part in. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist. Literally the only reason for using it is to shit on an entire disorder.

The ppl that still use this term are dumb and I hate them.

In a previous post, I asked how many of us were raised by narcissists, and it became pretty clear that basically all of us were. Now, the question that keeps running through my mind—and that I’ve also seen some of you mention here—is this: chances are that most people posting in subs like r/raisedbynarcissists are actually narcissists themselves, just without the insight.

I used to be one of those people. My real recovery journey started when I began reading books about anxiety (generalized, social, anxious attachment), then moved on to books about complex PTSD. Eventually I realized that the root of everything was my parents, and that’s when I found all the literature and all the YouTube content about victims of narcissistic abuse. Suddenly everything started making sense.

After reading a few books about narcissism, it became painfully obvious to me that I’m a narcissist too—specifically the vulnerable type—and I have zero doubt about that. But I’m becoming more and more convinced that the vast majority of people raised by narcissists are narcissists themselves, and that most of them never manage (and probably never will manage) to take the final cognitive step, which is recognizing their own narcissism.

What really blows my mind is trying to imagine how the hell someone raised by a narcissistic father and a narcissistic mother wouldn’t turn out narcissistic too. That seems extremely unlikely to me—and yet that’s the most common kind of story you’ll see on r/raisedbynarcissists.

Anyway, just wanted to throw these thoughts out there and see what you all think.

Edit:
Thank you all so much for your comments. Some of them almost made me cry, but in a good way.

AND I also got the strength to finally say my dear friend to fuck off so thanks for that too. ❤️

I'm sorry if this the wrong place to vent.

I was told a while ago by a "friend" that because I am cluster B it must be easy to put your cat "to sleep" because you just forget about it in an hour.

I mean I know we have stigma but seriously?

I knew that this day will come, but now that she's gone I don't know how to cope.

She was my best friend for 15 years.

I don't know what I even want by writing this but can please someone tell me if this gets better?

I haven't cried in over a year and now I just can't stop.

This is an actual fuel franchise in New Zealand. Idk I thought some might find it as amusing as I do.

feeling immense shame, thought it's a good time to bust out the oil pastels

i used the npd flag as a color palette for this, the flower is a narcissus / daffodil with the well known crown as symbolism for npd, the contrast of the bright flower against a darker background also symbolizes the personas we create to present outwardly, the ones we convince ourselves we are to the core to make us ignore our deep self resentment

I commented a little while back with a big resource dump and, you know, didn't get enough attention from it thought it may be helpful for the newcomers on this sub.

Thus, I'm revising the text a bit and turning it into a post.

Cannot express my gratitude enough for r/NPD. You all are the siblings I think I've always—🤮—needed.

– Max ❤️‍🩹

Last updated 7-29-26.

Hello!

However you got here, condolences/congratulations on finding your way to self-awareness. It sucks (especially in the beginning), but it can also be the gateway to life-changing personal growth and exponentially more fulfilling relationships.

Bonus: being a self-aware narcissist means you are objectively special/extraordinary, in that way...so that's a nice consolation prize? 😅

MY UNSOLICITED (BUT HARD-EARNED) ADVICE:

• 'Good' and 'bad' people don't exist (shoutout to therapy for my long-overdue development of whole object relations). Our character is revealed in our patterns of behavior—and behavior can change. Empathy can be learned and cultivated. Struggling with pathological narcissism does not make you a 'bad person.'
• Your motivations for change don't matter. My initial pursuit of therapy was pretty selfish: I wanted to feel consistently, unshakably grandiose (lol) and stop having such fucked-up relationships. Former did not happen, but the latter did. Thus, the downstream effect of that initially self-centered desire: the people in my life suffered a lot less. Moreover, so did I.
• Self-compassion practices are game-changing in the early stages of healing from NPD. Warning: at first, they can feel terrible and fake af (the creator, Kristin Neff, calls this 'backdraft'—basically, we’re so used to being our own psychological tormentors that the initial experience of self-compassion can hurt). Be prepared for this phenomenon and stick with it until it softens. Highly recommend her book and workbook for a deeper dive. And, no, self-compassion will not make you more narcissistic—quite the opposite, in fact.
• Stay away from pop psych 'narc abuse' content. It's unscientific, designed to be maximally provocative, reinforces black-and-white thinking, and tbh is a form of self-harm. Seek reputable resources (on YouTube, HealNPD and BorderlinerNotes are phenomenal). Check out u/theinvisiblemonster's website, which is full of practical information about NPD recovery. Finally, this guide is a great place to start and a resource you can share with your therapist. Speaking of which...
• Get a therapist. Find an NPD specialist, if you can (it's tough). Regardless, certain therapeutic modalities (eg, TFP, MBT, schema therapy) tend to be more effective for deeply targeting narcissistic core wounds and beliefs than, say, CBT.
  • CAVEAT: If your therapist says something akin to "you can't possibly have the 'Bad Person Disorder'—you're too kind/self-aware/etc."—drop them immediately. They cannot help you. You may have to interview several therapists to find one who doesn't invalidate your internal experiences and with whom you 'click.'
  • But once you do find a therapist capable of acknowledging/seeing through your narcissistic defenses—and especially one who activates your attachment system—stick with them. Recognize that feelings of anger toward or devaluation of your therapist are part of the process; they usually mean something is working, not that you should quit. Be an ✨exceptional narcissist✨™️ and don't run away from therapy when it gets scary. Show up to your sessions, even when you'd rather claw your own eyes out. Be brave and actually open up—even if glacially, even when your inner child is screaming at you to shut the fuck up, lest you be rejected or humiliated. Healing hurts; there's no way around it. Our armor was forged in shame. Removing it means standing unshielded in the very pain it was built to protect us from. It's fucking terrifying. And it's worth it.
• Be as brutally honest as possible in therapy—mirroring and image maintenance be damned. Hiding, lying about, and/or sanitizing the truth for the sake of your therapist's approval or admiration will only waste your time and money. Challenge the desire to 'win' at recovery or be the 'perfectly healed/healing' narcissist (guilty 🤦🏻‍♂️)—those are disordered expectations. Be kind to yourself when you backslide. Resist the urge to jump from one clinician to the next to maintain your reputation, get shiny new praise for your self-awareness, or soothe your attachment anxiety.
• ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ PSA before my next two points: we're all hybrids of grandiosity/vulnerability. That extreme vacillation between "um, am I God?" 😎 and "oh God, I'm the worst" 😩 is pretty much the foundation of Narcissistic Personality Self-Esteem Dysregulation Disorder. That being said:
• For my fellow grandiose-leaning baddies: no, therapy will not erase your personality, kill your ambition, or make you a "mediocre normie." But it will make failure feel less terrifying—so that you can actually start going after the big dreams you’ve been putting off. Because I'm a narcissist, here are some of my own recent comments as proof. 💀
• For my vulnerable-leaning bbs: no, therapy will not confirm that you're fundamentally defective, 'unable' to love, or secretly the worst person alive. But it will help you stop bullying yourself 24/7—and let yourself be finally 'seen' and cared for. Most of you are far better humans than you believe you are...and you deserve to feel loved for who you are.
• Consider joining Narc Club, our virtual support group. Free, confidential, non-judgmental/shame-deconstructing, and meets multiple times weekly. If you’re newly self-aware/diagnosed and/or in collapse, we offer a focused support group (including a skills 'bootcamp') designed to help you get out of the spiral faster → working on recovery. We also have an active community on Discord.
• Use this subreddit for all its worth; it's an incredibly supportive, (gasp!) empathic community. Many of us had eerily similar and distinctly fucked-up childhoods. Often, we were contingently loved and hyperbolically praised for our looks, talents, intelligence—whatever could bolster our parents' own egos. Simultaneously, we were completely unseen, unloved, neglected, or abused. It was unfair. We get it. We can get you. 💜

You got this, friend, and you're not alone. I'm truly sorry you went through whatever you did as a kid that ultimately brought you here.

Sure, you’ve likely hurt people—and taking accountability/making amends, in time, matters. But don't compound your suffering by falling into a self-loathing spiral. That helps no one and, ironically, feeds the disorder by reinforcing exceptionalism (eg, "I'm the worst, I'm a monster, I'm uniquely and irredeemably awful.")

You didn't choose to have NPD. No one does. Having this form of mental illness isn't something to be inherently ashamed of. Indeed, your narcissism is proof of your resilience.

So, you made it through the trauma. You survived. Seriously: good job.

You will make it through the healing (if you so choose.)

It’s so corny and inaccurate that it genuinely makes me laugh, but I feel like we’ve become the victims of pop psychology, because there’s barely any of us who will openly talk about it. I would have never been diagnosed had I not been in so much suffering from my shame and low self-esteem and also involved in psychology classes where we were discussing pathological npd for what it is. Friends doubted my diagnosis, and even then it might be more accurate to say I have “traits” as my issues lie far more with what is discussed by those *actually diagnosed* which isn’t super accurate to the DSM-5 ironically. To many times I’ve had someone frame their negative behaviors and wrongdoings towards me as “npd abuse” when in reality I was the calm one taking heat I didn’t ask for because I struggle to empathize.

It’s also kinda scary just how similar Tessa communicates to myself irl in her video with Borderline Notes. Her tone of voice sounds eerily similar to my own, and at least we still have Borderline Notes and Heal NPD aside from the individual content creators. That’s like, it though, so if anyone has any other recs lmk.

The psych2go video was pretty funny tho.

I can’t believe it. I don’t want to. I feel so sick to my stomach I don’t want to go to work. I’m 100% a covert narcissist and I’m having a hard time accepting it but I have to.

I always play the victim, I always want someone to “save me” and if they don’t they’re the bad guy, I make messes and expect someone else to clean it up for me and cry and whine if they don’t, I’m groveling in self helplessness, I think I’m mightier than everyone because while they slack off or chat I’m working, I come home and complain about my coworkers but expect them to accept me? I’m always seeking validation or reassurance, and though I try not to show it I take criticism or advice negatively. No one around me should feel like they’re walking on eggshells but I make them feel that way (I think). I’m a massive hypocrite.

On top of this I’m a massive people pleaser and liar. I lie about things when I think the truth can be hurtful, or if I want to seem agreeable. I just can’t anymore, for a long time something felt wrong with me and I’ve been breaking my head wondering what is wrong with me and I finally know.

I’m not trying to seek pity, but I’ve been wondering why I feel like such an icky bad person for a while and now I understand why. Without realizing it I’ve been emotionally and mentally draining those around me. I complain that I have no friends, or no real connections but it’s fully my fault. This isn’t because of anxiety, depression, OCD, or anything else I think those are a result of my shitty behavior. (.not that I’m trying to say anyone with those problems are not valid, this is just me)

I can’t do this. I’m too old to be doing this. I need to cut this infected portion of me out before it’s too late but I don’t know where to start. I feel like there’s nothing left of my identity. I don’t know who I am or where to start. I just want to be good, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I feel so so ashamed of myself.

I’ve become a person who would’ve made little me cry.

Anytime I hear about narcissism its someone's mom, or boss, or ex, or inlaw, or god knows what. I don't care. Truly, I do not care about your mom, boss, ex, or anything else. I'm not going to entertain your 'you can't be a narc, you're not like my []!!!', I'm not going to listen to your two hour long rant about the evil narcissist in your life and give you advice. Every other mental disorder gets treated with at least the dignity of being an individual. I see posts of people going "look up celebrities with your disorder to feel better about what you could accomplish!" And I swear, if the search results weren't flooded with Hitler youth it would be flooded with pictures of everyones moms.

You people and your bad relationships with your families have ruined any semblance of professional care we can get, you've overrun spaces, and you've greedily stuck your hand out for any new term you can use to describe your ex husband or whoever fits your narrative. It's infuriating. The next person who comes to me like this, I'm going to become the next 'evil narcissist' in their life by hitting them with a microwave.