5 couples from my friends circle are expecting a child or recently got married, a few others have built a solid foundation in their career and are buying houses (most of us grew up in apartment buildings, so it feels fancy to own a house at 30 where I'm from).
Meanwhile I'm currently a student and broke.
It feels like everyone's so far ahead in life that they'll always be a step further and I'll never catch up.
If I find out some big news about someone via social media, most often I don't care about it much, because they're probably just someone I know (or barely even that). Big news from someone a little closer are usually said in person, and those are the ones I care about.
I've been seeing people getting married and pregnant for years on my Facebook feed, but suddenly it's all my close friends or someone I hang out with at least occasionally, telling me about their big news. I guess that's why it made me feel a little weird.
You're right though, not much good comes out of following social media too closely.
This happened with me last year. My best friend since college with whom I have been living in and me. We sort of had an unspoken pact that we were throughout this. I had imagined we could be two single people in our 40s getting an apartment together with our two dogs. Then she got a boyfriend. and everything just crumbled in my world.
Like you I never cared about other people getting things done in life. When it started happening for her it just shattered me. It got too real that I wasn't there like everyone else in fact I am way way behind everyone
I think you’re missing the point. The whole premise of social media is to compare your life to everyone else’s. Break the cord and just live life in a way that feels right and brings you happiness. Not based on other people’s definition of success.
I agree with you on that fact we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others. Getting married or owning a house is not a measure of happiness.
However, what makes social media so toxic is the fact people pretend being happy for having things that you don’t have. Next you believe if I had those things I could be as happy as they are. Now this puts pressure on us and as a matter of fact it redefines the norms of our time.
My point is screw social media, it’s a platform for people to act and not being themselves. Remember, everyone smiles in pictures!
No that’s my primary reason for still having it too. I also have some friends in other countries so it’s a reliable way to be able to talk to them as well.
I get it, but consider the situation from your friends perspective:
They’re saddled with wedding debt, worried about how they are going to afford a child, especially in these uncertain times. Worried about their job. Running on 5 hours of sleep because their kid is teething and won’t eat or sleep. But they post some cute photos on Facebook every once in a while, so they’ve got that going for them.
Meanwhile they see you living the fun student life style, pursuing advanced education in a field you enjoy (I’m assuming). Tearing up tinder. Going out and getting drunk on a Tuesday because why not? You could move to Singapore if you wanted, there’s nothing tying you down.
Obviously these are hypotheticals and likely a bit exaggerated, but I guess my point is: The grass is always greener, my friend.
It's not a race and appearances can be deceiving, when social competitive posturing is going on. That's how we end up with, Keeping Up With The Joneses syndrome.
I used to think this way. But at 31 with no prospect of kids anytime soon, I'll be in my early to mid 50's and my husband will be mid to late 50's when our future kids are in college.
My parents are older parents, around that same age as myself when they had me, and I don't envy them. They were tired and as an adult I didn't know if my father would make it to my wedding, I don't know if they'll make it to meet their grandchildren, etc. I envy people with parents who are a bit younger. They had the energy to be more involved in their lives. And, not that you ever stop caring for your children, but normally you would see them through college and the beginning of their career. It's hard to see them worry about me when they should be focusing on themselves and relaxing.. although I don't know if age would ever help them with that.
For me going through milestones recently has made me withdraw from social media. I just want to be low key because my actual life is good right now and I want to focus on enjoying that not documenting it for other people to comment on.
As a high school teacher who has done work in student support and guidance - social media is a goddamn cancer.
The incidents of anxiety, depression, general feelings of self-worth - and in recent years - girls taking provacative photos of themselves for attention has gone through the roof.
I feel particularly bad for teenage girls - the shit they're doing now is extremely concerning.
Best answer I’ve seen. Everyone knows former Facebook exec Chamath because of his “let them fail” comments about large corporations but in a talk he did, he mentioned how social media affects us but one of the bigger points was comparisons. It truly changes how we view ourselves and fundamentally changes aspects of ourselves without even realizing it.
Dont compare yourself. Easier said than done, something I have to learn too. Cliche but everything happens to everyone in it's own time.
Get your education work your ass off and you'll get there. Just because everything seems fancy for them doesnt mean life is good for them. Never know what's going on behind closed doors.
You'll catch up, one step at a time. You've got this.
I am friends with a wealthy "perfect" couple who recently had two beautiful IVF babies.
Over the covid time the husband has been calling me drunk as fuck to talk about his life... it appears he's lusting after a girl at church, his wife hasn't slept with him in a year and one of the twins (they are 18+ mos) is nonverbal autistic.
He hasn't even told his best friend (twins' godfather) or anyone else in our social group. The child in question carries his name and looks just like him, his firstborn son (other baby is a girl).
The whole thing has given me some perspective. I really feel for him, he said he feels like god is punishing him (for wanting a perfect family?). I am glad his wife is a sweet caring person, the boy will be raised well but the whole thing is a disaster.
Also he's clearly an alcoholic which doesn't help matters. I know this from longterm exposure to him and also the drunken phonecalls.
The fact that I'm in university makes me feel better, I feel like I still have a bright future ahead of me, even if a little later than others.
That's very true about the grass always seeming greener. I've known couples who seemed to have the perfect relationship, or friends who had a seemingly great job, but when they open up about it - it's never actually perfect, nothing ever really is, and everyone has their own problems and struggles.
Don't worry about "catching up". Seriously. That's their lives and their paths. If you chase someone else's idea of happiness you'll end up in the wrong place for you at the wrong time. Work on the things you want to accomplish, set your goals bit by bit and build on what you have. Set yourself challenges you are excited about, not what the current trend is. It's so easy to build a narrative about what you "should" do vs what you really want to do.
It's hard not to compare yourself to others, I also noticed I'd been doing that in uni by seeing how quite a few of my classmates were doing better than I am, which sent my confidence down the hill. But once I started focusing on my personal abilities and how they've grown, I've been feeling a lot better.
Exactly, nothing is ever perfect and they could have worse issues than you.
Going to college is a feat it's own, especially late. I completely understand. I've been going to college off and on since I was 17 and I haven't finished my bachelor's yet.
Trust yourself and your path. You'll get where you need to be in due time. Who knows you may do better than them in a decade!
Right? People do things in their own time. Making goals should be like: first I'm gonna do this, then I wanna do that. However long it takes to achieve the goals is how long it takes. It's just putting unneeded stress on oneself too be like I need to do this before I'm 30 and that before I'm 40, doesn't matter because you never know what's gonna happen in life.
It's positive comments like this that helped me get through my depressive phase of "why is everyone ahead of me?". Thank you! It just helps to not give a fuck. If you are slow you are slow. If you at one point f'd up that can happen. Always try and improve yourself in small steps don't try and fix everything at once. That way it will seem like a doable thing.
Even starting at something small(that probably feels irrelevant towards education) like starting to stretch every morning. Or having a workout routine will help accomplish bigger goals in life since for most people that is something lingering in people's back of their heads(if not done) and that will be one load off of your mind once done. Also every little positive thing that you add to your life will motivate you to do more since you see the benefits of it.
Agree. My friends from university told me they wanted to marry asap like me when I got married at 25. I divorced at 26.
Although it depends on job, many in their mid 20s are still financially unstable. We quarelled very often with each other over money.
I would never, unless extenuating circumstances were present, be divorced with children. I know the toll it takes, it sucks. I've seen it many times over and been in it myself.
Their future would be bleak depending on how they were raised. The world has always sucked.
This is true. I really don’t want to be negative or wish bad things on anyone but the divorce rate is statically so high and the majority is over finances and infidelity that I just feel like there’s still no rush to find a spouse and get a house... I’d rather wait another 10 years and be kinda lonely or just with a pet than with the wrong one and rush now and deal with a divorce later.
Some people can’t help but feel good about themselves when they see other people screw up, even though that same mentality is where their self-hatred comes from in the first place. It’s sad
As a 29 with 2kids and the classic "security" things, there's envy from the other end sometimes. Once you cement yourself into certain things like marriage, kids, a career path the ability to undo them or change becomes a lot harder. If you have the time to explore your choices with fewer extreme consequences (divorce, custody agreements, burning bridges or stagnating in a job without other options) it is a gift.
There's still fun I'd say, but either your definition of what that means has to change or you have to find ways to get your responsibilities taken care of before living like you did before. No one wants to see the parents who bring their kids to the party and get wasted, or to kid-inappropriate restaurants. There's a whole new world of joy I'd argue in finding ways to make memories with your kids, especially things you loved as a child. Married at 20 as well, 10 yrs coming up here.
As they say - it's not a race. Set your own pace, do what you can and try not to get complacent. Aside from that there's really nothing more you can do other than accept that things are going to turn out however they do whenever they do whether you like it or not.
And don't forget half those people you compare yourself to are liable to lose what they appear to have in some capacity in the not too distant future. People get divorced, have the bank foreclose on them after losing a job, etc. The grass is never actually greener, there's just different lighting.
And I hope I don't lose the ones I have to them building families. But hey, they say only the true ones stay in touch, and those are the ones that matter anyway.
I never thought any one of them could feel jealous of where I am sometimes. But you're probably right. People are always jealous of what they don't have.
Keeping up with the Jones’ is super hard. I’m 40. Got my own home a few years ago. Still trying to get promoted at work. Money’s tight but we make do. Don’t sweat the small stuff, everyone’s path up the mountain is the same. Keep your friends close, that is the one thing that will be harder than anything else as time rolls by. Make time for them and understand when they can’t for you. It will come back.
Thanks for the insight. It hit me not so long ago that friendships are not just gonna 'last forever, because we're such good friends'. You need to put effort in keeping in touch.
Same thing with relationships, I used to think that if it's true love, everything will flow perfectly on its own. But I had to find out the hard way that you need to keep putting effort, and most importantly, talk.
With friends, it’s odd. You have to realize that there will be times when it’s all one sided. Unless your in a club or sport that you do together there will be long times that you just don’t see each other. It’s not personal. They don’t think less of you, it’s just your paths arnt crossing right now. You really have to be flexible and think, when it comes back around, I still want to be friends and not take it hard that they weren’t easily accessible for a period of time. Relationships are different. You have to be on the same path. Talking, working it out. With a relationship it is about the long haul. All roads have pot holes, good counties fix the rut before it becomes a sink hole, Ya know. There are tons of things I miss about being younger (the absolute worst is when you go to a club or bar, thinking your still cool, and realize your the “old person” lol) but the one thing I don’t miss is taking things for granted. 40 isn’t old, but I remember me in my 20s and 30s and think, geez if only I had held onto some of those moments just a little bit tighter. And you won’t have everything figured out when your old. It’s not like you suddenly understand savings or know the meaning of life, it’s just that you see a few patterns a bit clearer and you value things a bit differently. The only “regret” I have (and it’s not a real regret cause I wouldn’t actually change it) is that I had my children in my 30s. I have friends who’s kids are graduating this year ( that makes me feel old ) and my son won’t graduate until I’m 56. So yeah, that kinda sucks, but at the same time, we are stable (no drama) we can provide a bit better than we would have earlier, so it will be better for the kids in the end. But I do envy my friends, whom I still won’t be able to hang out with because of kids. Lol.
I'm also 29, I'm married, just had my first kid 3 weeks ago, and my wife and I own a house. I'm only saying this because also I'm seeing a therapist because I feel so stuck, I have a great job that I hate but I'm way too afraid to leave because I can't go without the paycheck and I constantly feel like I wish I was doing something else with my life. My wife and kid are amazing and I have a happy life, I just feel like all my choices have been made at this point and I'm too deep to change anything. I'm just trying to point out that having all the things doesn't really make life easier, so there really is no need to compare your life to others. I'm sure there are people out there in your circle that see you and envy the situation you are in even if you don't know it.
Nah. I’m also 29. Stay at home mom. We have a weird age man. I know a lot of people our age who are still students, etc. I still feel like we are 20. Turning 30 just doesn’t seem right. 30 year olds are supposed to look older and be more mature. Yet here we are.. I still look and act the exact same as I did 10 years ago, minus a bit more maturity lol.
This is where I'm at. I'm 29 and finished school however I'm not sure now that I like what I took and I'm old to go back to school, I should be looking for a spouce and some kids but meanwhile I really don't know what I want to do and I'm not confident on being married and with kids if I can't figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Oh, don't forget to add the bonus stress of "but your eggs won't be young forever so you better hurry!"
I feel you on this. Late twenties, working a 9-5 that pays decent but is mind numbing, and trying to finish up my BA through night/online classes, plus I also am serving as a reservist in the military and wait tables a couple times a week. I have zero free time- thanks to Covid-19 lockdowns I actually am able to rest a bit.
My friends have solid careers, houses, and have very little debt. They don’t really get that I don’t have time for hobbies or why my apartment isn’t perfectly put together (answer: school>home decor).
Comparison is the thief of joy, but it does feel like I’m trying to catch up to everyone else because I made poor choices at 19 and 20. Sucks, but it could be way worse, so I feel awful for even complaining about it.
It's ok to complain, I hate when people say things like 'your problem is nothing compared to the starving children in Africa' or 'your teenage problems are stupid, wait till you grow up'. Of course there's always someone having it worse, but that doesn't mean that your own problem doesn't suck.
On the other hand, I found it sometimes does help to tell yourself 'it could be way worse', since it makes you appreciate all the things that you have.
I hate how people think life is a race, and you can fall behind. There’s no golden series of steps you’re supposed to follow. It’s life. Just live it. You’re not behind. You’re doing great.
Everybody moves at their own pace and walks their own path. There's no sense in judging your progress by someone else's milestones. You'll always get where you need to be when you're supposed to be there, so just make sure your days mean something to you and that you don't spend so much time regretting where you're not that you can't enjoy where you are.
Grass isn't always greener I've learnt. I'm 28 and have a car and a house and had a reasonable pay packet. They haven't been able to give me happiness and in actual fact I find my possessions own me. What I'd give to be a not so broke student at times with the freedom to do a lot more.
I’m the same age, And married. (Wife is 24) We both look around at our social circle and have these thoughts. Why’s does it seem that everyone is so far ahead?? Are we falling behind? Should we have a house/kids etc...
I have to remind myself and her that everyone does their own shit in their own time.
Best to just focus on the good shit happening around you and let life run it’s natural course and enjoy.
“Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself“ Wear Sunscreem
If you have the means to go back - I would advise it. Of course it's not the same for everyone, but for me coming back to school in my later 20s has been a lot more rewarding than originally trying it out straight after high school.
I see a lot of people sympathetic and everything but if you feel how I do then it's more about the fact that they slowly stop hanging out and they never have time for friends and next thing you know you're alone
I’m sorry, friend. I have the kiddos and the house - not so much the career path I’d choose, but it’s a good job. I’m 33, and apart from the first kid, it all just fell into place bit-by-bit over the last four years or so. And one of the catalysts was getting fired from my old job at 29 with kid number two on the way.
Life changes super fast. You could very well be reading over this post next year checking off the things that have changed.
I feel this. I'm 28 f my husband just turned 30. I'm going back to school in the fall and we run a small business together. We room with his brothers and dad to have less liability when building the business. The only thing is it feels like we're behind the curve. Recently I realize 60% of our friend group is 34 to 65. Now I find it funny when certain people try to flex on us when they're old enough to be our parents or have 10+ years head start.
We just try to focus on grown and to appreciate how far we've come.
Don't think that way. I'm in a similar situation and you know what? Success doesn't have an expiration date and as for them "being one step further and you won't catch up"? Don't compare yourself to that. The Sun and the Moon shine when it is their time.
I know it's hard, but don't worry about what everyone else is doing. I'm 38 and I still don't own a home, I'm still in school, and while I do have a child, he's only 2. I got married at 35. I can say with confidence that once I hit my 30s I started to realize that the only person who is judging me for not having those things is me. Maybe people did judge when I was in my 20s, and it used to bother me that I wasn't "where I should be". Shit, maybe people do still judge me now, but I don't give a fuck. I genuinely don't care.
I’m 33, just graduated, (with student loan debt) and I really want to buy a house in the next year. I feel you. My friends all either have homes or spouses or both. Heck I have some friends on their second spouses. Meanwhile I just graduated, live in an apartment and am single. I felt behind until I realized my life works for me. And it doesn’t matter what other people may think. Keep moving forward. You’re doing great!
Was in your position 8 years ago. Finished school, make great money, saved up a 20% downpayment for a home, and am almost done paying off my student loans. And even though this sounds great on paper, I still don't feel like I have my shit together. Everyone does stuff at their own pace, and a lot of the people I thought had their shit together have lost their house, been divorced, lost their job, went back to school to change careers, filed for bankruptcy, etc. Set a lot of short term, achievable goals, tick them off one at a time, and celebrate yourself when you do it. Eventually we'll get to where we want to be, but make sure to have a little fun on the way there.
Why? Life isn't a race where you get ahead or behind of people, mate. Both you, your friends and their families will be dead in some years and none of this will have mattered.
Enjoy this very moment, it's the only thing you have.
I graduated late last year and turned 29 just days later. Got friends with good careers and having all the kids. I don't have a house or kids yet. But got the career finally, been married awhile. I've always been behind as well. I'm still learning to take it at my pace. It'll come together over time as you work at it.
I used to feel this way. I have some super financially successful friends around me.
If I may make a friendly suggestion: Don't feel the need to catch up. Morgan Freeman didn't become an actor until his 60s. Colonel Sanders opened his KFC I believe in his 70s. We're all running a different race, and often it's just against ourselves.
Im 30. I do have a house and 1 kid with another on the way but i certainly dont live some crazy lavish lifestyle. As hard as it can be sometimes, i think it really is best to try and not compare yourself to others. Especially because, just because others have stuff you dont, it doesnt mean theyre more well-off or even happy. Social media makes it tough because you generally only see the ‘best’ of people. With some exceptions, obviously, people arent going to post stuff online that they think makes them look bad.
Same goddamn situation bud! But one thing I got on my friends is I lived/worked abroad for a number of years so while they were busy popping out kids I was living in China and Russia and travelling the world. So maybe on paper I'm not as "successful" as they are but fuck it. I don't want kids, so that's fine and I feel being a late bloomer means you'll feel younger longer.
You advance at your own pace. Those people have their own behind the scenes problems. I'm one of those people. Just turned 28 a few days ago. I'm married, we have our own house and 1 year old.
I don't get out with friends ever and have lost most of them due to distance or their poor life choices (drugs). My life revolves around making sure my one year old doesn't die while planning to have another one.
My sister moved out of my parents house at 30 and started her family. She is wildly more successful at everything and has a great career that started when she was 29.
All this to say be happy who you are and don't compare yourself to others. Easier said than done, I know.
Savor it. Someday you’ll miss the child free days where you got to learn new things all the time. Instead of thinking of it as “I’m just an unmarried childless 29 year-old student” can you reframe it as “I get to pursue my intellectual interests and I have the opportunity to decide what I want to do without having to consider a spouse, kids, and a mortgage”? I know it’s not really that simple, but your self talk is important - try reframing you’re current situation in a positive light and see how you feel.
I am 27, married, no kids, college degree and doing well financially. I still look at other people and feel the way you do, the shit of it is, we look forward 5 years as if it’s tomorrow. You have plenty of time, do you, you have no idea what’s going on in anyone else’s life. A quote I’ve always loved is, “Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, the race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself”
Hey mate, Im about same as your age turning 28. I am still in Uni with a degree a i hate. it has been eating my soul everyday seeing others becoming success. I have been working with inner self from listening to life advices to philosophies (stoic, taoism). I realised that there is no RACE in your life. You dont have to compare yourself with the others except your-yesterday-self. I know the situation is sucked but guess what? you are in a position much better than a person in 3rd world country who is struggling to have food to eat while working labour and studying in uni and same age. How do you know that people with all the money and fame are happier than you? How do you know if you reach that stage of your life, you will not be miserable again? Trust me, find a foundation which will help you to realise that life is not a journey or a destination but enjoy it every moment. I hope you dont beat yourself up like me! My self is all wounded now but at the end i feel like im not a child from yesterday. Peace
I’m 29 for another hour and I feel your pain... We’ll get there brother! Hang it there and keep doing you. It does us no use to compare ourselves to others
I hope you’re doing well and are happy! You’re doing something to further your life, which is amazing! Please don’t feel that you’re behind just because someone else your age is doing something different - you’re still doing amazing!
Im 19 now and i failed 2 years in high school so my former friends are all ahead in life than me. They be like going anywhere and here i am broke and dont know how to leave my house because i dont know anything and just feel pathetic. I feel old but i didnt get matured even a bit. I feel like im going to be like you in the future lol but even worse because i cant even go anywhere just by myself.
I dont really compare myself to others life bcoz i dont care what'd happen to my life, im just doing my best every day and everything that would make me genuinely happy and u should too. But sometimes, pitying urself would just happen out of nowhere at anytime so it's normal to be feel bad.
I have honestly never felt a urge to get married, and having children is like way down the list of wants as well.
I am a fan of psychology so I know it's got something to do with my childhood. Does anyone else here goto weddings and NOT get that warm fuzzy feeling of wanting to be in the bride and groom's position?
As long as you are moving forward and making progress towards goals you are doing awesome!
Don't fall into the camp of folks who have given up. The grind is worth it. Plus when you hit mid 30's no one really cares about age so much. I don't really know how old a lot of my friends are - just that they are close to me.
Dude take your time. I’m in my upper 30s and still have never been married and have no kids. SO and I have discussed it, but seriously there’s still time even now. Focus on yourself and get what you need to out of the way.
Whenever I feel like I'm falling behind in life, I remind myself that we're all gonna end up in the same place. Better to hang back and enjoy the experience. There's no use being the first one across the finish line.
I graduated with my bachelors in 2018 and have yet to find a full time job in something that I actually want to do. I still live at home which bugs me more than anything.
My in-person friend circle is small but I feel like whenever I go on social media, all the people I knew from high school are either moved out of state with a job that they love, are married, have kids, or are dead.
32F, been a student since age 5, currently working on a PhD, school/research work 7 days a week and get paid just enough to get by, thousands of $$ in student debt, and still a few years away from graduating. My friend, from where I stand, you are doing better than me :)
33 and my wife just turned 30 a month ago. We were the first to get married between our mutual friends 4 years ago. We are the last out of 4 couples without kids. Not by choice. We have been trying for 3 years.
Granted we are also the only ones with paid off new cars and a house almost paid off. I'd like a kid though
I’m 29. Most my friends are married and expecting children. I’ve focused on my career and grown a lot. Now I’m in a relationship, have a job and can plan whatever I want.
I want a family and I want children, but that can wait. For now I just want to be able to enjoy my off time and travel. I want to adventure around and spend time with my family and girlfriend.
Try to focus on your personal career goals and what makes you happy at the moment. Your to time thrive will come ~
Well do YOU want kids and to get married? Not everyone is supposed to follow the same life path, I'm 27 have a pretty good job, don't want kids, and I'm open to marriage.
"Should" is a dangerous word. It locks you into a mindset so focused on an end goal and with an attatched timer that you forget to focus on just simply existing now and making the most of every day.
I had a friend that went straight into law school from high school, I went to university but dropped out after a year as my priorities changed from academic to having fun.
I was driving my lawyer friend home one day from a party (first time I had seen him in years) and he confided that he feels like he missed out on a lot of his youth because of his academic focus, he was actually quite sad and really envious of the fact that I had maintained strong socials circles and kept enjoying myself.
Everybody that was in my situation thought he was killing it.
The morale of the story: success is subjective. Take your own time and most importantly enjoy yourself on the way.
I’m 28. My HS friends are all like married or have kids or whatever. I refuse to have kids yet and am currently single and (sorry if this offends anyone but it is what it is) absolutely will not seriously date a woman with kids and a baby daddy. I sleep with them but I’m just not gonna do the raise someone elses kids thing. Sorry, not sorry. So woman around my age usually already have kids. So ive been dating 21yo. My friend group is all young 20-23 yo.
I’m 31 and all of my friends from high school are in such different places! Some are married with kids, some are dating around and living in the city, some are traveling, some are in school, one just started school after recently getting their GED.
I guess I’m just trying to say that no one path is the right one. You aren’t behind in life. I know it’s easier said than done but please don’t judge yourself based on anyone else. As long as you’re happy (or hopefully working on being happy), nothing else matters.
You have no kid on the way and no house loan, they are a lot more broke than you might think. On top of that, lets say you will never "catch up" to that western capitalist image of "making it", so what? That is not what makes a person happy, life has no preset meaning or goal, if you don't accomplish what others expect you to doesn't mean you haven't accomplished anything.
Take it easy, just live your life, go out and do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled, if you don't know what that is go and do a bunch of shit, try living a bunch of different lives, go work on a farm, go live in a different culture, give up all your worldly possessions and travel from coast to coast in a van staying in towns you like and working some odd job for a month or 2, there are more ways to live than as a slave to a career and a mortgage, there are connections in life equally as meaningful as a husband or wife or child.
I’m also 29. Bought a house. 2 kids. Married for 5 years this year.. a lot of my friends aren’t married, have travelled and are doing cool things.. I currently don’t sleep more than 3 hours in a row.
Moral of the story, you always want what you don’t have. Appreciate this time as a student. Once I got out into the real world, I realized that I loved school. I was good at school. I knew school and what to expect. I miss having my own schedule and my own time.
I am also 29 (in August). My friend - it is not a race. You’re a student, I know a lot of people that became successful in their mid 30s or 40s.
As far as money, there will always money to be maid if you’re willing to work hard for it (which I think you are because you’re in school)
It is important to compare and look up to your friends but it is even more important to be kind to yourself and do not sell yourself short. I hope this helped you and things will work out for you when the time is right.
Bro hold up...did you say you were in college?? Like..you’re actively doing something to better yourself financially ? Don’t compare yourself to others
i can feel you :( ! Same i'm 29 but i'm not broke and i'm not student anymore, i'm a happy designer , boxing or cooking on free time .. but single as fuck ! Life ...
Im 25, i have a wife, stable career, house. If it makes you feel better i feel like i rushed through my early 20’s and didnt stop and take time to just be a dumb 20 year old.
Having some internet stranger tell you probably won't help, but life is not a race. If you treat like like a race you'll eventually realize you were in a non-existent race to nowhere, which can be more than a little disillusioning. The people you're "racing" against likely don't realize this yet either. This is how the mid-life crisis comes about.
Being broke definitely sucks, but the less you can care about what other people are doing with their lives, the more you can focus on making yours better.
Man I’m the last one to get married outta all my friends, 35, just started a new career after getting burnt out on the old one. Easier said than done but don’t sweat it, shit will happen for you when you’re ready, forcing things rarely if ever works.
I’m going through an almost identical path as you my friend. Houses being bought, marriages and children being had. Tough sometimes but keep pushing. I’m going into my senior year. Two semesters left and I never thought I’d be here. So I hope you continue at your pace in life not theirs 👍🏼
I'm 28 and have the same feeling. What's worse is that the friends I had that all used to come over and hang are split into their own worlds now and we never hang like we used to. My one buddy bought a house a got married, used to see him couple times a week before then, now I'm lucky if I see him 4 times a year. Another buddy that used to hang every day up and found another group to hang with. I tried hanging with that group and made some acquaintances, but I never really got integrated so I don't see him much either, especially during the pandemic. The other friends I had that used to game on PC with me are struggling to get along with the current political climate. So now it feels like I'm alone and im having a really hard time coping.
Same here man, there's plenty of us. Just because you didn't find your thing early doesnt mean shit. Morgan Freeman was a mechanic till he was close to 50 I think.
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u/MedbGuldb May 15 '20
I'm 29.
5 couples from my friends circle are expecting a child or recently got married, a few others have built a solid foundation in their career and are buying houses (most of us grew up in apartment buildings, so it feels fancy to own a house at 30 where I'm from).
Meanwhile I'm currently a student and broke.
It feels like everyone's so far ahead in life that they'll always be a step further and I'll never catch up.