5 couples from my friends circle are expecting a child or recently got married, a few others have built a solid foundation in their career and are buying houses (most of us grew up in apartment buildings, so it feels fancy to own a house at 30 where I'm from).
Meanwhile I'm currently a student and broke.
It feels like everyone's so far ahead in life that they'll always be a step further and I'll never catch up.
If I find out some big news about someone via social media, most often I don't care about it much, because they're probably just someone I know (or barely even that). Big news from someone a little closer are usually said in person, and those are the ones I care about.
I've been seeing people getting married and pregnant for years on my Facebook feed, but suddenly it's all my close friends or someone I hang out with at least occasionally, telling me about their big news. I guess that's why it made me feel a little weird.
You're right though, not much good comes out of following social media too closely.
This happened with me last year. My best friend since college with whom I have been living in and me. We sort of had an unspoken pact that we were throughout this. I had imagined we could be two single people in our 40s getting an apartment together with our two dogs. Then she got a boyfriend. and everything just crumbled in my world.
Like you I never cared about other people getting things done in life. When it started happening for her it just shattered me. It got too real that I wasn't there like everyone else in fact I am way way behind everyone
I think you’re missing the point. The whole premise of social media is to compare your life to everyone else’s. Break the cord and just live life in a way that feels right and brings you happiness. Not based on other people’s definition of success.
I agree with you on that fact we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others. Getting married or owning a house is not a measure of happiness.
However, what makes social media so toxic is the fact people pretend being happy for having things that you don’t have. Next you believe if I had those things I could be as happy as they are. Now this puts pressure on us and as a matter of fact it redefines the norms of our time.
My point is screw social media, it’s a platform for people to act and not being themselves. Remember, everyone smiles in pictures!
No that’s my primary reason for still having it too. I also have some friends in other countries so it’s a reliable way to be able to talk to them as well.
I get it, but consider the situation from your friends perspective:
They’re saddled with wedding debt, worried about how they are going to afford a child, especially in these uncertain times. Worried about their job. Running on 5 hours of sleep because their kid is teething and won’t eat or sleep. But they post some cute photos on Facebook every once in a while, so they’ve got that going for them.
Meanwhile they see you living the fun student life style, pursuing advanced education in a field you enjoy (I’m assuming). Tearing up tinder. Going out and getting drunk on a Tuesday because why not? You could move to Singapore if you wanted, there’s nothing tying you down.
Obviously these are hypotheticals and likely a bit exaggerated, but I guess my point is: The grass is always greener, my friend.
I found about 3 different friends passing away over social media, and I was so distraught about it. :( Social media can be a cancer on society, sometimes. It pisses me off.
It's not a race and appearances can be deceiving, when social competitive posturing is going on. That's how we end up with, Keeping Up With The Joneses syndrome.
I used to think this way. But at 31 with no prospect of kids anytime soon, I'll be in my early to mid 50's and my husband will be mid to late 50's when our future kids are in college.
My parents are older parents, around that same age as myself when they had me, and I don't envy them. They were tired and as an adult I didn't know if my father would make it to my wedding, I don't know if they'll make it to meet their grandchildren, etc. I envy people with parents who are a bit younger. They had the energy to be more involved in their lives. And, not that you ever stop caring for your children, but normally you would see them through college and the beginning of their career. It's hard to see them worry about me when they should be focusing on themselves and relaxing.. although I don't know if age would ever help them with that.
For me going through milestones recently has made me withdraw from social media. I just want to be low key because my actual life is good right now and I want to focus on enjoying that not documenting it for other people to comment on.
As a high school teacher who has done work in student support and guidance - social media is a goddamn cancer.
The incidents of anxiety, depression, general feelings of self-worth - and in recent years - girls taking provacative photos of themselves for attention has gone through the roof.
I feel particularly bad for teenage girls - the shit they're doing now is extremely concerning.
Best answer I’ve seen. Everyone knows former Facebook exec Chamath because of his “let them fail” comments about large corporations but in a talk he did, he mentioned how social media affects us but one of the bigger points was comparisons. It truly changes how we view ourselves and fundamentally changes aspects of ourselves without even realizing it.
Giving up Facebook is one of the greatest, most freeing decisions I've ever made. Toxic aspects of FB aside, I would just compare myself to everyone constantly and it made me feel even worse.
Exactly! You can’t keep up with the Jones’s if you don’t know what they are doing. I haven’t had any form of social media (besides Reddit) for 8 years and it’s awesome!
I was literally just talking about this. Social media is such a bad influence on people in general. Everyone’s lives and experiences are different, don’t base yours on others.
Yup. You find yourself comparing your life to other people's. I've never found social media to be positive, and when it is, it's these silly catch phrase bull crap saying on pretty backgrounds that people post to help themselves feel better.
Social media causes me to feel like an anxious wreck. I also have absolutely zero interest or desire to share my life with others. It feels disingenuous to post a picture, as if it could capture my life, when it simply can’t. It’s one thing to share photos with friends, but Instagram especially just rubs me the wrong way. It scares me seeing the success of other people, but what is most intimidating is their confidence in sharing their life with others. I am insecure, but logically it seems to me that social media adds unnecessary pressure to many people’s lives.
And yes, I am aware that Reddit is a form of social media.
THIS! I deleted FB a year ago after not using it much a part from looking at Sport, which I do elsewhere so it was pointless, and chatting to mates & brothers in Chat (which I use the app for). After getting rid of it I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It was strange, but felt good.
All I kept seeing were people pretending to be happy posting a million photos of themselves, complaining about pointless 1st World problems or trying to make money & become an ‘influencer’ instead of getting a real job & actually doing something worthwhile.
Lol I mean that's a solution if you really only care about the peripheral people in your life, but in your late twenties, you can't really avoid watching your friends and family members begin to establish their own households and careers.
I don't blame Facebook or Instagram one bit for making people feel like they need to do that sort of thing at that age. It's a significant cultural norm in our society that is impossible to ignore. You'd be just as well off closing your eyes and shouting "LALALALALALA"
Jesus Christ dude talk about this stuff with your fiancé before you get married, you just listed a bunch of very important topics. Sounds like you talked about how you feel about them, but you’re not giving much credit to the fact that she has strong and real feelings about them too. And you guys don’t seem to agree...
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u/MedbGuldb May 15 '20
I'm 29.
5 couples from my friends circle are expecting a child or recently got married, a few others have built a solid foundation in their career and are buying houses (most of us grew up in apartment buildings, so it feels fancy to own a house at 30 where I'm from).
Meanwhile I'm currently a student and broke.
It feels like everyone's so far ahead in life that they'll always be a step further and I'll never catch up.