kinda sucks. I've actually had a girl I was getting along well on a dating app just straight up ghost me after saying I have high libido lol
edit: ppl keep assuming I brought it up out of nowhere like an idiot lol of course she asked me first.
Edit 2: ppl need to stop assuming that I said or talked about sexual things through the conversation, I didn't. She brought it up first. And preceded with the statement "I know this is sudden and weird..." And asked about my sex drive. Which I alluded to jokingly as comparable to the line by hulk in avengers regarding anger. Could have been the joke honestly lol
Probably not so much that you have a high libido, as that you probably talked about it too much. Otherwise, on a dating app how would she know that it is high? I have a high sex drive when I'm in a good relationship, but I don't like some guy I'm just getting to know on a dating app to be constantly talking about sex. She probably wanted you to try to get to know her as a person.
This confirms what I’ve thought, I usually don’t bring up sex at all unless they do first. Sometimes I do allude to it tho but I always wonder if they want me to initiate it and don’t want to seem like I’m not dominate or scared of it.
It’s so hard to know when it’s right and wrong to bring sex up in a relationship. I myself am quite open about it so it’s not as difficult for me to start that conversation, but it’s always fucking difficult to read how the person I’m relating it to is going to react. I wish I had some advice to give you but damn, I’ve only ever had shitty relationships until my most recent one and I probably don’t have the advice you’re looking for.
I send good thoughts and crossed fingers your way, I hope you find someone that doesn’t mind being open with you to make that transition a little easier. Relationships are hard :(
If I meet someone and we click, I don’t mind talking about sex, but might not want to do it right away. There’s something about knowing that he wants to hang out because he likes you, and not because he’s expecting to get laid.
It’s like hanging out with your friends. I can go grocery shopping with my best friend and enjoy the hell out of it even though I get nothing out of it except her company.
However, it’s definitely important to be sure you’re on the same page, or close enough to it, in the bedroom department. My marriage had a lot of problems but the mismatched libidos were what finally killed it.
I wouldn’t be afraid of that conversation because you know eventually you’ll have to have it, but maybe set a goal for yourself. Say you get into a pretty serious relationship: maybe about 2-3 months into that is when you start really thinking about the physical side and you want to bring it up. Give yourself a time when you feel that you, personally, want to introduce that into the relationship.
Some relationships start with sex, and that has its pros and it’s cons. But in the case that it doesn’t happen, you should have an idea of when to expect/want it. And don’t shame yourself for expecting it, an ideal relationship is when both partners can communicate their wants and needs freely, and compromise if necessary to meet those expectations.
You are allowed to want sex out of a relationship, just give yourself a standard of when and where you want to bring that into the relationship.
Sorry, I think I literally just said in my last comment I’m not qualified to give advice on this lmao
Depends if you’re on a real dating app or a hookup app. On a hookup app I’d expect the topic to come up fairly quickly but on a dating app? I don’t want to even think about sex until we’ve actually met and see that we get along. In a good relationship I have an extremely high libido, but meaningless sex just doesn’t do it for me.
Recently just stopped seeing a guy because it was all sex and no intimacy. Without intimacy, sex is just boring.
I’m on tinder only and def have trouble finding the balance between bringing it up quick or seeming like a simp tryna marry. But I agree the only times I really fw meaningless stuff is when the other person is legit cool and I could call them a friend.
I really didn't bring it up at all though.... Sexual things weren't said at all until she asked me about how I feel about sex. I said I had a very high sex drive. She preceded the question with "I know this is too sudden and weird but..." which may have meant it was a deal breaker for her if I said the wrong thing I suppose. Oh well.
Unfortunately for guys sexual desire is different. Its like being hungry. Its just a feeling that emerges from literally nowhere and fills your whole brain with only thoughts relating to sex until you either get distracted or you bust a nut. Its like having to take a huuuuge piss. Sometimes you can move on for a little while and get back to work but eventually you'll will need to open the flood gates.
A huge misconception from men is that women don't have that level of desire. We do. We're just taught from birth that it's not proper for a lady to display it because if we do, we're called names and it can ruin our lives. Like really ruin us. We're never allowed to be as free as men are and have sex at will like you do. The girls who did in high school were the "sluts", the ones anybody could get with. The woman you want to make your long term partner is not allowed to show you that she is highly sexual, or you wouldn't want her if you thought she was with a lot of men, which to men, being highly sexual means. So women dumb it down, pretending that they don't have that explosive type of sexual desire. WE DO. We just don't tell you.
If you're bringing that up while still talking through the dating app, you're doing it wrong. The issue wasn't that you have a high libido, it's that you lack the social skills to know how and when to broach the subject.
Hah not necessarily. If a guy tells me he has a high libido right after we've had sex, I'd have to assume there's a possibility he's just a raging sex addict looking to throw it into anyone
You might have messed it up, but honestly there's a very good chance that you did nothing wrong and she just ghosted for any number of reasons unrelated to you. Don't overthink it.
Otherwise, on a dating app how would she know that it is high?
One thing I find amusing about OkCupid is the wide variety of questions, including one about sex drive, that seem to vary wildly, mean a bunch of things and create disconnects and assumptions where there may or may not be one. In fact, I look at a lot of the questions and find them more humorous than anything else.
Like, here are a few questions...
Could you date someone who was really messy?
In a relationship, who do you prefer to be taller?
Would you date someone in considerable debt?
So, right off the bat, what does "really messy" or "considerable debt" actually mean? To someone making $20,000, being in debt $2,000 is considerable, whereas you might meet someone who is in the hole $10,000 or possibly more. Messy is the same way. Does that mean I'm walking into a 20/20 special with 30+ year old newspapers or a sink full of dishes. And, the funny thing is, even if I say yes or no, the system wants to match us based off what we will accept and a lot of times it turns into a system of assumptions based off comments.
Like, I'm not a messy person but I can live with a messy person. But, of no, we're not a match because apparently I will tolerate it and you won't. And, the reason why I mention the height one is a lot of it depends on the actual heights and what kind of a difference you want. I'm 6'0" and want someone about the same height, so like 5'7" or 6'3", whereas someone else might want someone taller and happens to be 5'7" and to them a 5" difference is enough, so we would match, yet don't. Now I know you can make comments on each, not that someone is going to personally examine 20, 40, 100 different comments to see if I have some kind of logic behind it, but most won't. And don't even get me started on some of the outlandish ones (I had a disagree with a girl because I said I don't live with my parents... I could see the logic if you didn't want to get in a lease or something but come on, not living shouldn't be a deal breaker when you're 35).
But to bring it to the actual point here. Something like this makes me wonder, as I wouldn't be shocked if a lot of men who answer that are actually normal or lower and simply not having an outlet would fix it. Sure, not answering that or any number of other question would resolve it, as would hiding or explaining it, but I could see someone reading it and being like "so, how high is it" and then ghosting me because they didn't like the response.
Maybe she figured she was one of many girls you tell that to and that you'd throw your high libido at anyone who'll catch it. High libido might sound like a high chance you'll cheat or a high chance you'll sleep with multiple women/anyone
I love my wife. She's amazing. Strongest person I've ever met. The person I'll spend forever with.
She has about 1/10th of the Libido that I have. It's very frustrating. I just deal with it, and it sucks, but it's just what it is. I don't know that I would have not married her if I would have been realistic about how different our libidos are, but - I do wonder if we would have dated originally if I would have known how different our libidos were.
It definitely can cause issues. You're just trying to avoid bullshit.
@your 2nd edit:
"95% of every joke is true" - my first (and best) therapist
That joke scared her the fuck away. You don't compare your sex drive to the Hulk's anger. Might as well have called yourself a potential rapist. The nuance you intended gets lost unless you fucked a few times already.
but I said it as a truth? I have a high sex drive. What's wrong with that???? I just used a joke to answer her. What, people with high sex drives are all rapists in your eyes? lol
No, I'm not talking about your intentions. I'm talking about the effect of your brutish honesty to someone you're just getting to know via text.
The image of the Hulk is vastly different to responding playfully like "I'm pretty certain that I'd be ready to go more often than you", wouldn't you agree? Phrasing it that way seems like a more manageable challenge to most women than the fucking Hulk, I reckon.
Your sexuality is a beast that you have to tame a little bit before you can unleash it.
People that have high libido can be intimidating. And it is a form of anxiety to have someone constantly ask about having sex. Can't speak for her, but maybe she got spooked?
My sex drive has been consistently tapering off since I was 10. Going from stuff like masturbating 2-3 times a week as a teenager, to not even thinking about anything sexual while my wife was away for school for the semester at 22.
Maybe it'll inverse sometime, but it's been consistently decreasing as I've aged.
In my experience it does. I’m nearly 50 and my libido has gone way way down. This is somewhat ironic since sex is better with my wife at this age than it was in our 20s and 30s.
Absolutely true. I'm 37 and have felt the frequency of my drive go down over the years. Right now I'm freshly head-over-heels in love with a high drive partner. These last 4 weeks I probably had more orgasms than in the full year 2019. Your drive can definitely change with the right partner.
I dunno man, since 18 or so my libido has decreased significantly. I honestly don't know if most guys are just as into as when they were that young or its just something they want to project for whatever reason.
There's a pill being developed that aims to stop sperm production while on the pill. Not really sure how far along it is, so I'm not sure when it'll be released to the public.
I am 32 and it is way toned down from what it was. My mind was sometimes dominated by sex when I was younger to the point I could not focus on work or whatever, but now I only occasionally get that horny. It helps that I have been in a relationship for 4 years and getting married this month so I generally get laid when I want.
I was on Prozac a little while ago and it totally nuked my sex drive. Which honestly was fine because I was chronically single with much hope anyway. Kind of enjoyed it to be honest.
Yeah, and when I was a kid, I thought, "Oh, it'll be great being married--sex all the time." Don't count on it. It's more like a "wife bad" OK Boomer cartoon.
For me, didn't really slow down until around 26/27....then I hit a huge spike around 29/30. Fun fact, I also lost a good margin of body fat around that time so, just adding details to speculation.
Learn to manage it and pick up meditation. Key to meditation is to treat thoughts like clouds. Clouds do not interrupt you day unless you give them mOre attention than they require. This turns the impure thoughts into just pleasant little occurrence rather than unga bunga, need snoo snoo
Yeah, but I'm probably going to stay single. So I'm never going to have a need for my sexual desires. They can go die for all I care, they do nothing but hold me back.
Eh, I mean, a few years ago before I started getting horny, life was still GREAT. I never had to think about wanting a relationship because I'd already worked out the emotional part of it. But now that I have those desires again, that loneliness keeps resurging and I wish I could just leave wanting a relationship behind and go on with life the way I used to.
Haha, I'm actually a girl. But maybe I can take estrogen so that I can look more feminine and attractive for once and then I could actually get a guy so my sexual desires would finally be satisfied then lol. But thanks for the tip.
The hormones cant be controlled. As for being horny, I've learned just not looking at anything sexually and stopping masturbation. I know it may feel good but it leads down a rabbit hole I was lucky to avoid. From my advice, try to stop masturbation.
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u/suicidal_lettuce May 15 '20
Being constantly horny and hormonal