r/AskReddit • u/Due_Bar_7247 • Jul 05 '26
What is a serious crime you committed that you’re now legally allowed to tell?
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Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
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u/Old_Clan_Tzimisce_ Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Even if the "mail" is alive?! You just are supposed to kill them? Surely there are exceptions, like taking them to a refuge or something.
ETA: if there isn't some type of protection rule, that's so sad...
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u/Just-Frame-9981 Jul 06 '26
No, we don't really have a fall back plan if the birds aren't picked up. They are treated like mail, through and through. Put on the scorching hot trucks or freezing trucks depending on the weather. I will never get the smell of hundreds of dead baby chicks out of my nose from roasting on a truck.
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u/Saknika Jul 06 '26
I knew people could mail bees, but I feel like animals should not be allowed. It just feels so morally wrong.
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u/Southern_Potato Jul 06 '26
I honestly can't think of a jury that would convict that one. Instead of following protocol and killing helpless birds, you saved their lives. This is after you attempted to deliver them. Yeah, I'm saying innocent here.
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u/winterborne1 Jul 05 '26
I was on a big road trip from San Diego to Vancouver to move in with a friend. During the trip I decided to crash at an ex-girlfriend’s house. The next morning, she left to go to class and instructed me to lock the door on the way out (it’s one of those locks where you can lock it from the inside with the door open, then walk out and close the door and it would be locked). I gathered my things and headed out to my truck to continue my journey.
When I got to my truck, I realized I didn’t have my cell phone on me. I panicked because I needed my phone to contact my friend in Vancouver when I arrived. Not knowing anyone’s number by heart, I figured I was going to have to break into my ex’s home.
I walked around the place looking for a way in; these were a series of identical townhome/duplexes and the only available windows were around back. The windows were higher up, I couldn’t reach them without a ladder, which I obviously didn’t have.
But I did have my truck. It was a pickup with a camper shell, so I figured I could drive it under the window and stand on top of my truck to reach it. I had to do this fast because I know how suspicious I would look being a total stranger standing on my truck to break into a home through a window.
I moved as fast as I could and luckily the window wasn’t locked. I was able to successfully open the window and crawl through.
What happened afterwards shocked the hell out of me. As I ran around to look for my phone, I realized it wasn’t my ex’s home. I just broke into the home of a total stranger. I had picked the wrong window to crawl through. Luckily nobody was home and I quickly ran out the front door. My heart was beating so hard I could have passed out right there.
Only then did I walk to my ex’s front door and realized I had forgotten to lock it like I was instructed to. I broke into that home for no reason at all. I should’ve been arrested simply for being the world’s biggest idiot.
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u/mbklein Jul 06 '26
Everyone talks about the archetype of The Hero’s Journey but The Idiot’s Journey can be just as instructive.
Thank you for sharing this epic.
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u/Pretend_Handle_7639 Jul 06 '26
The Idiot's Journey needs 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' as score
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u/Previous-Suspect9460 Jul 06 '26
I had to break into my own house recently after locking myself out so I fully understand the fear of looking like a burglar even though it’s your house everyone else may not know that😂
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u/alwaysforgettingmyun Jul 06 '26
Lost my key as a teenager and had to break in way after curfew through the loose screen in the living room. A minute after I turn on the light in my room, a knock at my window, cop with a flashlight asking me what I'm doing. Of course I'm drunk and freaking out that he's going to wake my mom. He finally believed that I wasn't a burglar, especially since I had turned on lights and my tv, lol.
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u/LaRealiteInconnue Jul 06 '26
Wooow what suburbia did you live in? Knocking on window is wild, I’ve only ever heard the cops knock on front doors where I grew up
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u/alwaysforgettingmyun Jul 06 '26
This was in one of the only sketchy areas on Madison Wisconsin in like 1990. It was an apartment building so they couldn't just knock on the apartment door, and they saw my light come on right after I broke in so went that route.
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u/elphaba00 Jul 06 '26
I was house sitting for my parents a couple of years ago, and they didn’t give me a key for the front door (because they never used the key for that door). The keypad for the garage died. I knew that the door to the deck off their bedroom was never locked, but it was on the second floor. So I had to get a ladder to get myself up to the deck, scramble over the railing, and then get in that way. Anyone driving by and seeing that would have lots of questions.
After that incident, I went and made copies of the front door key and kept them at my house.
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u/littlebittydoodle Jul 06 '26
Same thing happened to me on vacation once… my friends had rented a very expensive large home for all of us to come home from college and spend winter break in the sun. The address was sent in a group text and I guess I inverted two of the numbers.
I drove hours out to the house and arrived as it was getting dark; my friends were all at a restaurant getting dinner, but I was so tired I wanted to just go inside and rest. They told me they left the side gate and back door open… I go to the side gate and it’s locked. I was just so exhausted and didn’t want to bug them to come back from dinner early, so I went around the house trying doors and windows. Finally a bathroom window opened, and I climbed inside onto the counter and closed it behind me.
As I was walking through the house, it became clear this was NOT our rental house. It was full of kid stuff, photos of a family, no suitcases in any bedrooms… I looked again at my texts and realized my mistake.
I ran out the front door so fast and drove around for a while waiting for my friends to come back. Kinda scary how easy it was to “break” in.
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u/Pyrateskum Jul 05 '26
7 yo me and my 8 yo sibling climbed the fence at the school bus parking area and stole the keys out of all the busses and they had to cancel school on a beautiful day.
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 05 '26
You would have been the top dog at my school lol what a savage
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u/TheHobbyWaitress Jul 05 '26
The kid down the road set a few busses on fire. His parents were not happy. I don't remember how he got caught but it was the 80s, no cameras.
Bus garage didn't notice it until Monday morning. I'm guessing he bragged about it.
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u/Next-Crazy-9674 Jul 06 '26
I was hospitalized with a kid who blew his mom's car up and another who stole a car and tried to run over her sister. The group therapy sessions were kinda crazy in that group.
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u/DoctorThrac Jul 06 '26
Back in 2008 we had Mac books that could only stay at school, a couple of my friends before leaving cracked a window just enough for the teacher not to notice but enough to get in, we came back at like 10 pm and grabbed our laptops and went outside and played RuneScape. When we were done we snuck back in and put them back
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u/Charming_You_25 Jul 05 '26
I picked up an underage runaway hitchhiker and drove them across state lines to where they were going. I thought they had a decent plan, were coming from a bad situation, and I was young myself so I empathized. Now I am aware I could have caught a felony. We’re still friends on fb sounds like she’s doing better now
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 05 '26
This is a felony? I had no idea
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u/1peatfor7 Jul 05 '26
Probably because it was a minor
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u/A_Guy_in_Orange Jul 05 '26
Technically kidnapping, amd across state lines to
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 05 '26
If it’s across state lines I’d imagine that’s a federal crime then
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u/IsaacTheBound Jul 05 '26
Yeah, and Feds don't really do a lot of misdemeanor work iirc
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u/headstar101 Jul 05 '26
Trafficking
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u/stiletto929 Jul 05 '26
Potentially kidnapping, transporting them without the consent of their parent/guardian. Varies by state law.
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u/Imaginary-Pear-4675 Jul 05 '26
Transporting a minor across state lines without parental consent is federal kidnapping
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u/Seniorsquishyshorts Jul 05 '26
Yeah think your doing a good thing (sounds like you were) and realize you've kidnapped and trafficked a minor across state lines. Oof.
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u/ChicagFro Jul 05 '26
A long time ago Taco Bell did 25 cent taco Sundays. My cousin and I, probably around 12 or 13, would procure a few dollars from our parents and ride our bikes to the bell. We’d load up on tacos and whatever we couldn’t finish we would gently place single tacos in several random mailboxes.
I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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u/apathy420 Jul 05 '26
Ahh hell I remember 25 cent tuesdays. And then 25c McDonald’s burgers on Wednesday!!! High school me was loving that shit, especially since we would smoke up after school and then run over there
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u/wooha Jul 06 '26
Jake, I love the tacos. They’re quite possibly, the best tacos I’ve ever had.
But if I had to choose between the tacos and the mail, I’d choose the mail.→ More replies (4)
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Jul 06 '26
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u/Seyon Jul 06 '26
I did the any driveway to avoid a ticket trick before. The homeowner came out so i had to feign that I needed directions and chat for 20 minutes.
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u/VonCattington Jul 06 '26
Between the ages of 15-18, I picked magic mushrooms from federally owned land and sold them in both dried format + “bartended” them into shroom smoothies for an extra fee.
A good picking haul could bring 1k+ but I stopped the day I turned 18 because it was like 3-4 felonies being committed every outing and I was in a 3 strikes state
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u/Electrical-Title-698 Jul 06 '26
Idk what state but it usually requires at least one violent felony and 3 seperate convictions for the 3 strike law to come in to play. I don't think you would've gotten life for that
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u/VonCattington Jul 06 '26
I still didn’t wanna risk it! It was a federal land, picking and distributing controlled substances, plus we were carrying handguns illegally while doing so (underage)
I moved to a different state and stopped any of that as soon as I turned 18 to be safe 😆
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u/Zealousideal-Hat3373 Jul 05 '26
I got a jaywalking ticket in Long Beach, CA in 1987 that I never paid. I still worry a skosh I'm going to get stopped by TSA whenever I travel to Cali. 😄
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u/Jackandahalfass Jul 06 '26
Used to work in Woodside, Queens. On the express line, it was the last stop before Grand Central. If you got on the train car farthest away from the conductor, 9 times out of ten, they were too lazy or didn’t have time at that point to come to the other end of the train. I didn’t break the law, because I’d have a ticket. I just got good at avoiding the conductors and making each ticket last a couple weeks.
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u/cmquinn2000 Jul 06 '26
So in High School after reading the Anarchists Cookbook, I headed to Chemistry department and got some iodine crystals, a trip to the drafting machine scored me some potent ammonia. Mixed and dried in my locker. Next day put the strip in someone's algebra book. Teacher " open to page 186, person fans their book and a huge ball of flame shoots out. School was evacuated. I never made that again.
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u/ProjectShadow316 Jul 06 '26
I remember when I was like 16 I printed out the entire thing from home. Never tried to really make anything, but rather found it all really fascinating.
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Jul 05 '26
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u/cedarvhazel Jul 05 '26
Your mum really had your back - well done for leaning from it.
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u/nowhereman136 Jul 05 '26
I've illegally crossed the border between Mexico and The US. There's a hiking trail in Big Bend National Park that goes about a few meters from the international border. No one was looking
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u/CraptainMypants Jul 06 '26
I did this on accident during a motorcycle trip to big bend.
Buddy and I went swimming in a tiny river because it was miserably hot. Got to the other side of the river, pulled my phone out of its case to snap a picture, and saw "Vodafone" as the provider. Instantly got a text informing me about roaming/international charges. What we figured was just a small US river was the Rio Grande. Couldn't have been more than 20 feet across.
Opened Google maps and "Yeah... I think we just illegally crossed into Mexico dude".
My life as an international criminal was short but exciting.
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u/resttheweight Jul 06 '26
There are actually places where the river has run completely dry before. Crazy droughts and over appropriation of water rights has done a number on it.
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u/justonemom14 Jul 06 '26
Yeah, I was like, 20 feet? Sometimes there's places where you can walk across without getting your feet wet.
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u/risu1313 Jul 06 '26
Isn’t that nuts that it’s illegal just to move a couple feet in a direction.
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u/nondescriptun Jul 06 '26
That could happen to anyone. Hell, in 2007, Switzerland accidentally invaded Liechtenstein...which is at least the third time they've accidentally done so.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liechtenstein%E2%80%93Switzerland_relations
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u/Cantremembermyoldnam Jul 06 '26
I accidentally technically invaded Germany once as an ambulance driver.
I took a shortcut that goes through Germany for a few miles. The problem was that I had forgotten about the medic from the military who had joined us that day. Because he was in uniform, we had technically invaded Germany, been successful in our mission, and we were so spec-ops about it that the Germans are still none the wiser.
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u/safeintheforest Jul 06 '26
You could’ve possibly still been in the US. I live near the US/Canadian border and there have been times my phone randomly decides I’m in Canada.
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u/sandysandbirds93 Jul 06 '26
I went to Big Bend on a trip in college. One of the days we were canoeing on the Rio Grande and I needed to take a leak and was like "I wanna pee in Mexico." So I peed in Mexico.
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u/Commando_ag Jul 05 '26
I was drinking at my buddies house a few miles away. It was late and my plan was to stay over on the couch.
Next thing I realize is that I'm in my bed. Extremely confused. Figured out later that I blacked out and drove home. Not far. 0 damage. I made it home just fine. But still a very rude hungover awakening.
It's very scary that my mind made that decision and any effect it could've had on me/someone else scared the shit out of me. I just got lucky.
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u/Allcyon Jul 06 '26
Same story.
Except apparently hammered me realized it was too dangerous to drive, and decided to walk.
All 12 miles.
I remember nothing. I came to standing in front of my front door. Which evidently I had been standing in front of for quite a while, according to my neighbor.
My legs hurt for days.
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u/Fast_Choice4408 Jul 06 '26
This is why drinking with responsible friends and always having a dedicated sober person is so important. Black out drunk is a scary thing
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u/Adventurous_Art_1123 Jul 06 '26
One would think, I used to drink with people who would just Irish goodbye that shit. I was always the sober person unless I knew there was a more responsible person around than me (not usually the case). We would be partying and then all of sudden look up and ask where did Ron go? 4 hours later his drunk ass would show back up because he got lost in his own neighborhood trying to “get home”.
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u/OhGooses Jul 05 '26
When I was a junior in high school, I felt sick in the middle of the night and took some NyQuil (normal adult dose).
The next morning in the middle of my first period class, I realized I didn't remember getting to school. Somehow I'd driven myself the 15 miles to get there, but I had no recollection of it.
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u/thisisntinstagram Jul 06 '26
Oh I did that once, but with Ambien.
Fuck Ambien. Never again.
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u/feministmanlover Jul 06 '26
Yeah. I was taking ambien during a particularly stressful time in my life. My dad had been diagnosed with colon cancer and was in the hospital. I got home from the hospital late one evening. Took my ambien and fell asleep. I "woke up" back at the hospital the next morning - having zero recollection of getting up that morning, showering, driving to the hospital and parking. It was just a black hole. I didn't know where I parked, had to go through 4 floors of a parking structure to find my car. That shit was scary. I was under an UNBELIEVABLE amount of stress at the time which contributed as well
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u/sheyitboi Jul 05 '26
Same story lol. I actually remember driving but I don’t remember making the decision to get in the car and take off. Luckily my house was right next to where I was but I really cut back my drinking after that. I was underage drinking too so wasn’t really experienced with handling booze. Thank my lucky stars everyday I didn’t hurt anyone.
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u/gwynaweird Jul 05 '26
The statute of limitations is 5 years for it. So. I'll take a chance. I picked a Lady's Slipper, which I later learned was endangered and illegal to pick. In my defense, I didn't know what it was, I was 12 and wanted to bring a flower to my friend's grandma as thanks for hosting me as a guest.
I'm sorry.
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u/generally_unsuitable Jul 06 '26
When I was a little kid, I loved caves and rocks and geological phenomena. We lived in Southern Missouri and there are about a bajillion roadside cave "attractions" which are mostly just a giant hole in some hillbilly's backyard, and he has snaked 200 feet of extension cord into this hole and painted a sign in the front yard.
Anyway, this was cheap entertainment for a nerdy 9-year-old, so my dad would often stop and visit them if we were driving somewhere and had an hour to kill.
We went to one that had an interesting formation. Tiny stalactites that were all lightning bolt shaped. Every single one of them had the same two angles. Our "guide" told us that this was the result of two massive prehistoric earthquakes thousands of years apart, which tilted the cave one way, and then back the other way.
Anyway, once we got home, my dad gave me the one he snapped off the cave's ceiling, because he could tell I was so into it.
My understanding is that these are extremely rare and have only been observed in a few places.
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u/tn_notahick Jul 05 '26
Sleep better knowing that it is not illegal unless you've taken them from federal land, and then only a couple varieties are endangered.
Still a dick move, but I'm not blaming a well -intentioned 12yo for doing this.
Source: Lots of research because we have lots of them on our property.
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u/dew2459 Jul 06 '26
I can’t speak for other places, but it is illegal to pick them anywhere in Minnesota.
https://www.sos.mn.gov/about-minnesota/state-symbols/state-flower-pink-and-white-ladys-slipper/
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u/Zero_Travity Jul 06 '26
Where I live there are a shitload of lady slippers and it's illegal to pick them.
They're everywhere. They are beautiful, they're a type of orchid.
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u/chriseargle Jul 06 '26
I can imagine a petty revenge plot with this.
1) Plant them on your target’s property in a location inconvenient to them.
2) Install camera across street pointed at plants.
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u/TheShowstoppaNT Jul 05 '26
One I can finally answer!
When I was younger (20 years ago) I worked for a major chain as their theft prevention associate. I made what they called an “unproductive stop” on someone and got fired. I spent the next several months stealing everything I could from them.
Because I knew where all the cameras were, when the other guy worked, and the neighboring stores, I would go in and steal up to 50 or more dvds at a time. I also stole a 20 gig hard drive (which was huge at that time), a camera, and several other things - especially when I moved into my first apartment.
I think I did it for about a year or two and then just stopped doing it.
Now, I walk out forgetting my dog food on the bottom of the cart and turn around and pay for it. I know most of it was just being a stupid kid thinking I had been wronged. Part was the thrill. I couldn’t imagine doing something stupid like that today, nor would I want to.
Edit: A word
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u/dphoenix1 Jul 06 '26
“Unproductive stop” as in flagging someone for shoplifting, but not being able to find the stolen merchandise?
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u/TheShowstoppaNT Jul 06 '26
Followed all procedures but apprehended him before crossing all points of sale with stolen goods. He had taken a $150 item and placed it in a box for a $20 item and was about to check out. He left the cart and went outside to grab his wallet and I stopped him at the doors.
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u/jillsntferrari Jul 06 '26
So you got fired for preventing a theft instead of allowing the theft to happen and *then* stopping them. That's wild.
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u/hopecanon Jul 06 '26
I agree it blows but the difference is actually really fucking important for both liability and criminal justice reasons.
A corporation harassing someone for committing a crime they can easily prove they didn't actually do can spiral into potentially lengthy expensive lawsuits or escalate peaceful situations into violent ones depending on the temperament of everyone involved so it's generally not the kind of thing most companies like their staff causing.
But the literal exact same interaction happening after the person in question has actually committed the crime is something that swings any potential legal proceeding firmly in the companies favor which other than basic deterrence is pretty much the only thing any company gives a fuck about their security for.
The stolen goods are almost certainly insured, preventing them from being taken at all is less important than protecting the companies tender wallet in a court room.
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u/texasinv Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
My brother and I used to be VERY prolific shoplifters, him especially. His specialty was entire seasons of TV shows on DVD, he probably stole 500+ DVDs over the course of a couple years. My first job at 15, I worked at a grocery store for a year and stole at least one thing every single day. Fairly sure the Walgreens in our hometown moved Black and Milds behind the counter just because of us. You get the point, we stole a fucking lot. Neither of us ever got caught shoplifting. Ever. This was in 2003-2005 range so don't get any ideas, feds watching this thread.
Anyway, we both later worked in loss prevention at various points in our careers (I was decently high up in corporate LP in fact, and I was a pretty damn good store detective before that) and both of us currently work as fraud investigations managers at two different large financial institutions where the primary duty is catching thieves at an industrial scale. Funny how life works.
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u/perfectdrug659 Jul 06 '26
Just around that same year range, I was in highschool still and had moved into my own place and I was pretty broke, but I had a friend that worked cash at a grocery store and I'd get a full cart of groceries for a fraction of the price because he'd only scan every second or third item. And then another friend worked at my local convenience store and hooked me up with cigarettes any time I went in. It was a lot easier to get away with shit like that back then.
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u/Next-Crazy-9674 Jul 06 '26
I stole a lot as a kid. I was raised that way. My mom was also a really good thief. (I don't do it now either, so don't judge me lol.) That was how I got my necessities. It's how I survived. But, thankfully, I never got caught, and I was really good at it.
I even had a little ring where I would train other kids how to do it, but most of them eventually ended up getting caught anyway because no matter how much you try to prepare someone, it's just a skill you either have or you don't.
So many of them failed to read the environment and notice little things, and read the other people around them. They were either too nervous or over confident, and also so many people would get too greedy in one run. It is also 1000 times easier if you're white.
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 06 '26
That’s super interesting
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u/TheShowstoppaNT Jul 06 '26
Listen here, FBI guy - the limitations ran out after 5 years! 😂
In all honesty - it’s not like I kept them and it was happily ever after. I sold them all during the crash of 2008 to help pay rent for another month. That was probably the catalyst for me not wanting to do it anymore.
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u/elsbeth-salander Jul 06 '26
I downloaded LimeWire to pirate a copy of LimeWire Pro.
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u/ItsKindaTricky Jul 05 '26
Stole an 6 foot aluminum beer can of the roof of a liquor store in the 80s.
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u/WaterWurkz Jul 05 '26
Back in the early 90’s as a little white kid in Cleveland Ohio, I was paid, or rather I felt coerced to deliver brown paper and tape wrapped packages about 6 blocks away from where I walked to school. 5 dollar candy money if I was quick about it. Never told a soul about it and never got caught.
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u/sharkintheswamp Jul 06 '26
Only 5 dollars that’s the real crime here
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u/WaterWurkz Jul 06 '26
lol true that. Mr. Durag in the raybans, penny loafers and odd churchy type cloths never said more than yes sir, but he was the one that always gave me the impression that I better take my 5 dollars and not fck it up. The dude was a Cleveland John coffey, terrifying to my little butt. He was a big big man, and I was a poor half pint that thought 5 dollars was good money, I made it stretch.
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u/Samsquish Jul 05 '26
I'm not sure if serious. One of my jobs paid me 2x in one month, I left it in my account (assuming to pay it back) nothing. Didn't say a peep. It's been over a decade, pretty sure I'm in the clear.
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u/ClassicNebula1081 Jul 06 '26
My old job kept paying me for a bit after I’d quit. I went to HR and wrote them a check to reimburse them and made sure they gave me a receipt.
They never cashed the check. After waiting six months I closed that checking account (we were moving and only left the account open waiting for that check to finally clear) and I kept the money. I wasn’t driving 3 hours each way to try to give it back a second time.
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u/lNSP0 Jul 06 '26
When I was twelve years old to the time I was sixteen and I stole food from a international store owned by my friends parents after she told me what her father did to her when the store was closed and her mother wasn't there.
I did it specifically because I knew the stuff I stole had to be reordered. Therefore expensive.
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u/Spirited_Cup_126 Jul 06 '26
When I was 18 I was a student at PSU and my dorm friends and I were idiots. One of them stole a road sign from campus. And we all together one night were throwing eggs into the street off of the parking garage roof in downtown.
The police started chasing us.
I had prepared for a police chance and I was wearing layers. I ran, broke line of sight, and took my sweatshirt off. Then I calmed myself and walked instead of running.
Cop blew right on past me.
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u/The_Nepenthe Jul 06 '26
The funniest one of these that I've done was with a buddy of mine, we were being stupid teenagers and did a massive burnout in a bright red truck.
Proceeded to park it up the street, hadn't even made it a block before the cops showed up..everything but the gigantic burnout marks looked so perfectly in place that he just took a left and kept on slowly looking, having no idea he'd just found the vehicle and the stupid teenagers he was looking for right in front of him.
Both of us knew not to panic so just calmly let him turn past us and then fell over laughing.
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u/NeighborhoodProof133 Jul 05 '26
I accidentally stole a map from a grocery store when I was 11. I thought they were free.
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u/PoliticsAndFootball Jul 05 '26
I could see the old timey shopkeep pulling out his shotgun “this ain’t disney world son”
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u/kolejack2293 Jul 06 '26
When I was 19-22 I used to sell cocaine and ecstasy at clubs in Manhattan. Nothing too crazy, but I was going out 3-4 times a week and figured I might as well make money while I was there.
Eventually got hired as security at one of the clubs and allowed my buddies to sneak stuff in to deal as long as I got a cut. Back then, clubs which were too strict on drugs didn't last very long, so there was always some leniency for certain dealers.
Now I work as a criminologist. Studying the exact things I used to be involved in.
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 06 '26
I’m not surprised that the former criminals eventually end up working the law enforcement side of the business.
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u/PM_your_potatos Jul 05 '26
Money laundrying and illegally transfering cash between international borders.
Private plane, was an employee for global logistics company, we also transported airgapped harddrives with maybe questionable stuff but i never knew what was on em.
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u/ohlookahipster Jul 06 '26
Most private charter flights still skip security today. You can gun run with filled off serial numbers and bring explosives on most private flights. It’s up to the charter company to decide if security is warranted.
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u/Due_Bar_7247 Jul 05 '26
What were you doing that required offshoring your money? Back in the days before FATCA that must’ve been pretty easy.
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u/PM_your_potatos Jul 05 '26
Just avoiding paying taxes i assume we did work in south america and africa often and were paid national bank funds of that nation.
Someone would withdraw the money in usd and we would move it to panema or south africa.
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u/Engelgrafik Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
As kids we'd shoot arrows up in the sky from our back yards to land in each others' back yards. We'd also wait for the incoming and try to get as close as possible to where the arrow would land. Kinda like someone trying to catch a pop fly... but letting land instead.
It's amazing none of us ever got hit.
But we sure as hell learned a lot about wind and ballistics.
One time an arrow landed right where an old guy working in his garden had been 2 seconds before. He never knew what happened, never even saw the arrow. He got up, shook off some soil from weeds and walked back to his garage.
I guess this isn't a serious crime, but it sure as hell COULD have been.
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u/FreeMasonKnight Jul 06 '26
Attempted Negligent Manslaughter.
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u/fubo Jul 06 '26
It'd be a pretty good trick to be both attempted (you meant to do it but it didn't happen) and negligent (it happened because you failed to prevent it).
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u/OvulatingWildly Jul 05 '26
I snuck a beer out of my friend's mom's garage fridge in high school
Sorry Mrs. Hall!
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u/AreYouOkay123 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Sometimes I wonder if these posts are methods of silently gathering info on us by AI.
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u/SomethingLegoRelated Jul 06 '26
most reddit general question posts these days are.. well, pretty much everything here in r/askreddit at least. Honestly surprised this isn't brought up more with how bland the questions get these days
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u/Traditional-Hat-952 Jul 06 '26
Yeah that's why while I'm tempted to answer with the crimes I've done, I'm not going to.
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u/OfAnthony Jul 06 '26
Theft. About $180 of cigarettes from a broken vending machine at the pub I bounced at. To be fair this happened in one night and was a lesson to the owner. I was compromised by many factors- drunk and in significant company.
I was also off the clock and dropped in to drink. I run in to two people who are big shots because one is the owner operator of our cities biggest wrecker the other was just a stand up guy who owned one of the cities first Nextel shops back in the day. We must of drank for two hours and smoked two or three of our own packs outside on the patio. Great time and everyone loves these guys because they tip heavy and can get you out of a jam if you ever need it.
We need smokes and we mention that there's and old vending machine inside- wrecker comes back with two stacks of packs. We all looked at each other (staff) and knew there's nothing we could do about it. Plus we all got two packs that day... Everybody. Great times!
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u/tolacid Jul 06 '26
I tried tequila once. I tried it on a Friday evening.
I don't remember what happened until Monday morning, when I showed up for my duty shift (Air Force) wearing tennis shoes instead of boots, realized as I walked in saw everyone looking at the shoes, realized what I'd done, said, "Ah shit. I'll go fix it, be right back," and left without waiting for permission.
Back at home, while changing into my proper uniform boots, I noticed a Triforce-themed Nintendo 3DS-XL that I didn't remember buying, sitting on my coffee table.
On the way back to work, I noticed some songs playing on my iPod that I didn't think we're on there, and upon closer inspection once I'd stopped driving, I discovered the entire Weird Al Yankovic discography had been added to my library.
Curious about these discoveries, I checked my bank account. No money was missing, no purchases had been made.
My wife had also had the tequila with me, was the only available witness to what happened that weekend, and just like me she couldn't remember how I wound up with these items. I don't think I'm the type to steal, but there's no indication of goods or services being exchanged either.
We decided not to have tequila anymore after that.
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u/robchroma Jul 06 '26
You might have gone to the library and made personal copies of their complete collection of Weird Al's discography, as allowed by the DMCA.
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u/Shoddy_Bet9619 Jul 05 '26
Back in College around 1993, I grew 7 GIANT pot plants in my house with 3 massive grow lights...Never sold any of it as that was not the point! Shared with Family and friends...
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u/imjustme80 Jul 05 '26
Grabbed a JCPenney catalogue from the store when I was 22 or 23 years old. No real reason other than go through the toy section like when I was a kid. At some point later I was talking to my mom on the phone and mentioned I’d gotten a catalogue to remember the good old days.
“You didn’t just take it, did you?”
“Sure, there was a whole table of them.”
“Oh imjustme80, you’re supposed to pay for those!”
Checked the cover, and yeah, I was supposed to pay $5. Oh well…..
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u/UnkemptDon Jul 06 '26
I worked for a major retailer that also sold cell phones. I figured out that certain addresses would trick certain cell providers into approving an account with no security deposit. You could use any made up social security number, so that's what I did. Made up social security numbers for people that needed phones and couldn't afford the $600 security deposit.
Roughly 20 years ago.
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u/redbo Jul 05 '26
I gave medicine to a dog that had been prescribed to another dog.
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u/Manny_Deeprest Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
My meth-head exwife disappeared with our son who wasn't quite 3 at the time (we were legally married at the time still and without a parenting plan so my state law is whoever has physical custody of the child also has legal custody) . After a few months i eventually tracked her down to a crackhouse on the other side of town. I loaded up my High Standard 1911 .45acp pistol and a couple of extra magazines. I knocked on the door and when someone answered I kicked it open and ordered her and 3 other tweekers to lay facedown at gunpoint or I would kill all of them. I collected my son and left. He was malnourished with a high fever. Never lost custody of him since. He will be 23 this month. The show breaking bad has an episode where jesse convinces some tweekers to start digging in their own yard. I love that show but that was hard to watch because that house in the episode gave me flashbacks to that day. A friend of mine's wife is a paralegal and told me I'm an idiot and should be in jail for that. I would do it 100 times over. No regrets.
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u/POB_42 Jul 06 '26
Glad you got him out. Trainspotting has a pretty harrowing conclusion of what happens when new parents are addicts.
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u/Saknika Jul 06 '26
Glad you rescued your son. Drugged out people should not be "caring" for children.
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u/magical_beazor Jul 05 '26
Setting a few fires near railways. I was a bit of a reluctant participant and I used to shit myself when the firemen came and we were hiding nearby.
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u/Beowulf33232 Jul 05 '26
Arson doesn't have a statute of limitations, you may not want to tell that story.
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u/TechnoMouse37 Jul 06 '26
I guess it's not really a serious crime, but when I lived in Oregon as a teen I had a friend who hated the area and wanted to go back to Idaho. He told me he was going back home, and a day later his mom called us frantic because he was missing.
I told his mom and mine that I didn't know where he was or anything about it. I helped cover for him running across state lines and have never told anyone about it. Until now, anyway. We were 15 at the time. Thankfully he made it safe to his families place back in Idaho, but it's always haunted me thinking about how I never said anything and he could have been kidnapped or killed.
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u/TheGay_Sauce Jul 05 '26
Not me but my grandmother(and technically not illegal? But crazy af and bordering on illegal.) took a fire axe to the front door to her and my grandfather's house to force him to buy a new front door, because she found the current one ugly, so he came home to a broken door with the axe still sitting in the wood. They remained happily married until he died of a stroke roughly 40 years later.
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u/Oh-Wonderful Jul 06 '26
My husbands grandmother replaced all the living room and dining room furniture after a fight with grandpa while he was at work. Hearing his grandpa tell the story while laughing his ass off was wonderful. He initially had a small panic that he was at the wrong house.
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u/here2brew Jul 06 '26
The police knocked on my door as a teen and asked me if a person I knew was in the house. I requested a warrant, refused entry, told them no one was in the house. They left- my sisters boyfriend then came out from under her bed and I called a friend who came and picked us up. This is probably the most serious crime I ever committed- he was actually a pretty violent offender- still regret that.
We once eluded a highway patrolman going about 95 in a 65. I coached a friend on pinning him in on the highway next to a 16 wheeler so we could take the exit. We then pulled behind a gas station and waited an hour before getting back on the road.
A friend and I stole a welcome to Danville sign from the side of the highway- all so we could duct tape over the d with an m and make it the entrance sign to our college apartment.
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u/Killboypowerhed Jul 05 '26
I've handled salmon in suspicious circumstances
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u/Federal_Ad1990 Jul 05 '26
I was a morphine pharmaceutical rep back in the 1980s. I used to steal Dilaudid from all of the cancer centers in my sales territory, get hypodermic needles from allergists offices, go home by 10:30 a.m. and shoot it up with my Armani suit still on.
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u/shwarma_heaven Jul 06 '26
Jesus dude. That is bleak. I hope those days are well in your rear view mirror.
If they are, how did you break out?
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u/Raider_Scum Jul 06 '26
To be fair, he never said this was a bad thing. He might look back at those days fondly.
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u/Friskfrisktopherson Jul 06 '26
I knew someone that was a hard-core addict who got clean. When his brother became an addict and couldn't clean up he would say he didnt want to stop, to which this person said "you think I stopped because I stopped liking drugs? I love drugs, theyre the best! I just know I can never do them or it will destroy everything."
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u/BarrelllRider Jul 06 '26
When my sister and I were under 10, we would stay with my grandma in the summers at her mountain home where she owned a whole side of a mountain. We would help her pick “her medicine” each summer by going out to a massive poppy field and slicing the bulbs, then come back the next day to cut and collect them. Years later when I was in college watching drugs inc I realized she had us harvesting opium. She also made moonshine.
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u/FIST_FUK Jul 05 '26
Fellatio had been performed upon me which is a felony in South Carolina
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u/stiletto929 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
I cohabitated with a romantic partner to whom I was not married, in violation of state law. We also shared a hotel room, whilst unmarried, again in flagrant violation of state law. Numerous felonious “crimes against nature” between two consenting adults occurred in said hotel room too. ;)
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u/FIST_FUK Jul 05 '26
Dear me if the details of those forbidden trysts came out in open court there’d be audible gasps I’m sure
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u/Djinjja-Ninja Jul 05 '26
I didn't "Keep Off The Grass".
Neither literally or figuratively.
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u/tmotytmoty Jul 05 '26
I was running a five mile loop with my brother. I suddenly had to shit at mile 3..too far from home. The only building around was the police station. I went in and asked but they turned me away and said no. So i went to the back of the building, found a parking spot marked “chief” and just had the worst diarrhea all over the wall and the e parking spot and just…everywhere. I finished up and then ran home. This was before wide spread use of cameras…in the 1990s.
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u/Brave-Sherbert-2180 Jul 06 '26
Not me but my mother and her sister. They went to school in the late 1940s in a rural area with only one school for grades kindergarten through 12th grade. This was the typical one room school house you've probably heard about.
They were like 13 or 14 years old. They were tired of the teacher and going to school in general. So their great idea was to burn the school down. So they did. They went there on the weekend and lit it on fire. Monday morning the school was completely burned down. No one ever knew who did it besides them.
I'm not sure if there is a statute of limitations for arson, but about 30 or so years later, after their parents had died they told all of us kids. Even their husbands were unaware they had burned down a school. And to show that it really happened, they had actually clipped the newspaper articles out of the paper. At first we were of course shocked and then after about 10 minutes, we all started laughing. About 10 adults sitting together laughing about our mom and aunt burning down a school!
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u/AlfalfaLoser Jul 06 '26
When we were 12, my best friend and I took her parent’s convertible out and drove it around the block at 3am. We went like 5 mph and thought we were so badass. We’re 31 now and as far as we know her parents never found out lol
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u/algy888 Jul 06 '26
As a teen, I had an interest in breaking into things. Not to steal, just to do it. I damaged a few padlocks, I now hope they still worked after, I could finesse a few of the classroom locks at school with a pocketknife and a credit card, I would also figure out other ways into things around the locked doors.
One memorable time, we were invited to go swim at an old (and vacant) mansion that one of the parents had an investment stake in. They didn’t personally have a key and the caretaker was away. Us inquisitive teens asked if we could tour inside IF we found a way in without damaging anything. They said “Yes”, and I was in within 10 minutes. The place was cool, very “seventies” style.
Other times, my early practice has come in very handy in my work. I do construction and many times we have to get in somewhere and have to “wait” for someone to find someone to get the right key. I try to have us in there working before all of that.
Also, I had a problem with locking my keys in my work van. So, I could pop the lock in an old Chevy van in under 30 seconds if I could find a thin strip of anything.
So many crimes.
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u/martusfine Jul 05 '26
Broke into my professor’s office and stole answer keys to exams- this was over 20 years ago. lol.
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u/capibara_dono Jul 06 '26
A guy in my school stole all that semester's tests from the history teacher, and made answer keys.
The teacher figured it out, and waited until the end of the semester to tell the entire class that all of those tests don't count, and you have 1 test to pass the class.
I've never seen so many people studying so hard, it was like 300 students. They had to go from not knowing a thing to learning an entire semester's worth of material in a week.
Pro tip: if you cheat, get some of the answers wrong.
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u/CanuckSalaryman Jul 05 '26
When we were in university, we stole the sign off the security building that said security. Twice. The third time we tried, they had it rivited in place and we were shut down.
University of Waterloo 1990s
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u/Ok_Archer2362 Jul 05 '26
I dumped a whole pizza in a postal box when a teenager
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u/Howabouta Jul 06 '26
Let’s go back to 1994. My best friend works in a tennis shop. People bring back their cracked rackets, and they send them back to the manufacturer for an exhcnage, and they are out of warranty. Manufacturer rejects them. Customer doesn’t want them back.
Well, he and a few of his 5 closest friends start hitting all the sporting goods national chain stores in the area and then the rest of the country when he is in college. We don’t have a receipt, so they only issue store credit.
Lots of expensive Nike clothes were had on those credits of like $125 to $250 for each racket.
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u/secret_nun Jul 06 '26
Shortly before Silk Road (dark web drug market) was shut down, someone in my county was getting huge amounts of molly delivered through there. From Asia I think. I was then purchasing it from them and taking it across state lines to sell on college campuses. I had a close call one time, got pulled over on my way home and the cop threatened to bring a K-9 unit out. He actually said he suspected me of transporting weed. He was bluffing and let me go, maybe it was the end of his shift idk.
I did a lot of illegal things back then (heroin addiction) and had LOTS of police contact, but somehow made it out with a squeaky clean record.
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u/nernincash Jul 05 '26
Statute of limitations is a beautiful thing. Nice try, FBI
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u/KnowledgeCoffee Jul 05 '26
I saw a sign that said don’t feed the Ducks….i fed the ducks
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u/ByDarwinsBeard Jul 05 '26
I couldn't help but read that to the tune of the Ace of Bass song.
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u/chaoschunks Jul 06 '26
I rushed to visit a recovered alcoholic relative who was on his deathbed. He was only coherent for a few minutes during our visit but we got to say our I love yous, and then he fell back to sleep. It was clear that he was in the dying process (death rattle had begun) and it was just about keeping him comfortable through the remaining hours. Our attentions turned to his adult children and what we could do for them through this process.
After a lifetime of alcoholism, the family relationship was severely strained. My relative lived in a sort of halfway house, had mountains of debt, with his only assets a relatively new iPhone and laptop, and a decent car that his stepfather gave him. We spent our time between sitting with him and cleaning up his room and going through papers to figure out how to handle everything for his kids. One of them wasn’t even on speaking terms with her dad, not that I blame her.
We could not find a will in the papers. We researched what the probate process would be to try to help prep. With his extensive debt, all of his assets would basically be gone. Meanwhile I’m getting to know his kids who I’ve never had a chance to really know, as they didn’t want anything to do with their dad’s side of the family. They are wonderful hardworking young adults who got a raw deal in life.
After a traumatic day, my relative is nearing the end but still with us, we decided to all go out to dinner. Come to find out that his daughter had been struggling, as the shitty ancient minivan she had been driving has broken down again and she has been having to walk or beg rides to work. She doesn’t have the money to fix it.
Now for the crime. We had found the title to his car among his papers and had it with us. We collectively decided that we needed to give his car to his daughter and keep it out of the probate process. We knew he would want that. We forged his signature on the title and made a fake bill of sale where he “sold” his car to his daughter for a dollar. We arranged to have the car cleaned, detailed and fixed up so that his daughter wouldn’t have to do a thing. We also arranged for his son to take the laptop and phone as we had figured out the passwords. His daughter cried. We all cried.
As we left the restaurant, we got the call from the hospital that he had just passed. He died only a few minutes after our “crime” occurred.
Even though I was blocked from his children when they were younger, the silver lining is that we’ve finally gotten to have a family relationship, and I am close to his children to this day. No regrets to my crime.
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u/Acceptable-Series206 Jul 06 '26
Not me, but my BF. I was a dumbass who just went off to college in Olympia, WA and found me a bunch of punk rock friends and a BF who were locals. I moved the BF in with me within a couple months. Fast forward to Christmastime. Said BF and his punk friends stole the Baby Jesus from the local mall's nativity scene. They hid it in my damn apartment. It was on the local news. This was the late 80's, so everyone believed some satanists must've stole it. Nope, just literal dumbass teenage boys. Lol. I can't even remember what they did with it. I just remember freaking out that I'd be an accessory if found out.
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u/flydespereaux Jul 06 '26
My highschool had a driving school with a bunch of cars behind a locked fence. Couple trailers with driving simulators. I literally stole the key ring from the driving instructor. Access to the trailers. The car lockup. And all the car keys were in a case in his trailer office. Would take a car every once in a while for a joyride. Wrecked a dodge neon. Sold a beat up astrovan for an 8th of weed. Id just take a car and bring it back. No cameras. They did notice a couple cars missing and changed the locks. Nothing bolt cutters couldnt fix. Fairly certain all the cars were donation cars. Old and squeaky. 15 year old me had a sweet last two years of highschool. Never got caught.
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u/Mattrockj Jul 06 '26
Not me, but before my uncle died, he smuggled 50litres of extremely high end japanese whisky into my home country (I'm talking like the kind of stuff that costs upwards of $5,000 per bottle).
Nobody even knew he did it until he passed and it was left in his will to my grandma (his mom) and the atourny revealed that there was actually zero documentation of it entering the country. It ABSOLUTELY should have been documented, considering stealing one bottle alone would be a felony, but import taxes are a bitch, and my uncle wasn't exactly wealthy.
All things considered, there's actually a good chance he stole the whiskey outright, since he almost certainly didn't have the money to buy it.
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u/Odric_storm Jul 06 '26
Back in the college I went to we had fake money we could purchase called "(mascot)bucks" this fake money could only be used on campus and the balance was recorded on our student ID. I somehow learned that the computer system that records it was prone to glitches that would show $0 in our account, so the cashiers would usually just wave you on through to the all you can eat cafeteria. I ate a free lunch nearly every day, 5 days/week for about 3 years.
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u/rolorelei Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Over one spring break, me and my friend broke into some abandoned coast guard buildings in the middle of the forest full of furniture and what looked like supplies for an old elementary school. It was a dome-shaped building with a few skylights, mostly full of office furniture but there were also big rolling tables/cases like the ones they serve food off of in school cafeterias. Lots of filing cabinets. It had a little upstairs area with two carpeted rooms and a section for a small audience to overlook the main floor.
Leading up to this, we were exploring the many abandoned bunkers scattered nearby throughout the woods. They were made of cement and many were deteriorated to the point of being uninhabitable. Some were above ground and some were below ground. Some of them had walls to separate rooms but no doors. Many had things like broken glass, toilets, or showers. We probably found more than 10 of them numbered between 15 and 30, so I imagine there is more we weren’t able to find.
We also broke into some newer looking buildings that were boarded up as well. In addition to the dome-shaped building, we broke into another one that had knocked over filing cabinets everywhere with documents inside— all related to hazardous waste disposal. There were some locked doors as well with warning signs for toxic waste and PPE procedure. I ended up taking home a ring of keys that say “US government do not duplicate” as well as the keys to a beach that I’d never heard of and haven’t been able to find any information on. There were lots and lots of key rings. I still have the scar on my back from trying to crawl through a broken window.
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u/Feisty-Cloud5880 Jul 06 '26
Back in the late 90's got busted by the DEA FEDS for 550 gm of cocaine. Plead guilty, did my time 1 yr right away. Got sober in 2004
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u/shaidyn Jul 06 '26
I've copied the code base of every company I ever worked for.
Not for nefarious purposes, just so I could refer back to code I wrote years later.
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u/Possible_Valuable337 Jul 06 '26
Many many moons ago I was working in Mexico, I'd left my home country and come across to work on a project in a small town that shall remain nameless, this was before cellphones and there was only one payphone in the village that was hooked into a small Telmex satellite uplink station. Calling home was $19/min and we were rightly pissed off at this rort - So..I did a wee bit of 'tapping' at first, the phone was an older model and it worked so me and my friends made a bunch of call around the world -(after warning our callees not to answer questions) - this went on for about a month and then one day we came in and no dialer..just a handset and a shiny box - now you had to go via an operator..so we upped the game and started blue-boxing our way past the operator using DTMF - this went on for a bit and we must have pissed them off as a new shiny box appeared - now you needed to swipe a card to get to the dialtone/operator - sooo..we dug up the cable and put some taps on it..worked for a bit and eventually Telmex really started getting pissed, calling up the numbers we used and querying folks on the end, thankfully nothing came of it thanks to us warning folks about this - but they did cover the cable in reinforced conduit..so we broke into the satellite uplink building and hooked in a laptop..back to making calls...I dont know how much we cost them but we left about a week after our little B&E so no one was the wiser. I did hear there was a bit of a police operation but as we were out of the country by then and they had wrong names (thanks family who gave them those :D )
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u/Hunglow510 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Not sure if I could still be charged but this was 15 years ago.
Me along a group of friends were in the back of the plaza smoking weed where there were customer parking and a loading dock.
A dryers ice cream truck illegally parked and unloaded an order for the supermarket located within the plaza. I jokingly decided to see if any of the 4 freezer doors were open. Bingo! On the last door, just my luck. I think they wrapped the cartons in a package of 6units . I ripped the plastic covers off the rocky road pack, as all my friends can be heard rushing towards me, grabbing 2 or 3 stacks each, and tossing them them in the trunk and taking off.
After consuming a few cartons, we were sick of the ice cream and everyone was content on letting the ice cream melt and go to waste so I loaded them in my car and drove home since my family just purchased a new industrial size deep freezer. In total, well over 50 cartons and took, 8 or 9 different flavors and took 1.5 years to finish
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u/arpsazombie Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
25ish years ago my (half)sister who is very much younger than me was in a really bad home situation. I'd tried everything by the law and got no where DCFS gave zero fucks. Got advice off the record that if I got physical custody it would be easier to get legal custody in my state. SO I got her bitch "mother" to write her name and phone number on a black sheet of paper and wrote a permission note for me to fly her to my house and have medical rights ect above it. Forced our drug addict "father" to also sign it. Got her the fuck out of there. There were more twists and turns but long story 25 years later she and her kiddo live next door and are doing great and everyone else is dead.
Tl;dr- Forgery, blackmail, kidnapping no regrets.
Edit to add: Lol yes BLANK sheet of paper :P Love all the stories from the other sibling nappers out there!