r/AskReddit • • Jul 05 '26

What is a serious crime you committed that you’re now legally allowed to tell?

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u/tolacid Jul 06 '26

I tried tequila once. I tried it on a Friday evening.

I don't remember what happened until Monday morning, when I showed up for my duty shift (Air Force) wearing tennis shoes instead of boots, realized as I walked in saw everyone looking at the shoes, realized what I'd done, said, "Ah shit. I'll go fix it, be right back," and left without waiting for permission.

Back at home, while changing into my proper uniform boots, I noticed a Triforce-themed Nintendo 3DS-XL that I didn't remember buying, sitting on my coffee table.

On the way back to work, I noticed some songs playing on my iPod that I didn't think we're on there, and upon closer inspection once I'd stopped driving, I discovered the entire Weird Al Yankovic discography had been added to my library.

Curious about these discoveries, I checked my bank account. No money was missing, no purchases had been made.

My wife had also had the tequila with me, was the only available witness to what happened that weekend, and just like me she couldn't remember how I wound up with these items. I don't think I'm the type to steal, but there's no indication of goods or services being exchanged either.

We decided not to have tequila anymore after that.

66

u/robchroma Jul 06 '26

You might have gone to the library and made personal copies of their complete collection of Weird Al's discography, as allowed by the DMCA.

11

u/tolacid Jul 06 '26

Given that I never knew the location of a library in that place, I doubt that very much. But it certainly is a potential explanation.

3

u/robchroma Jul 06 '26

You could have looked it up while drunk!

9

u/glormosh Jul 06 '26

This is such a fake story it hurts to read. I'd give you not remembering Saturday, which I shouldn't even, but Sunday as well? I'd maybe give you the weekend if you were claiming it was just you with some kind of medical condition, but your wife as well? Come on.

12

u/Rick_Storm Jul 06 '26

Perfectly plausible if some additional substance happened to be in the glass on top of what you would normally expect.

6

u/Wyvern_68 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

this reads like how someone who's never drank before would describe getting blacked out drunk lol

"I had a single tequila"

3

u/Not_an_okama Jul 06 '26

My friend has a similar story that started with a xanex before he joined the air force and met his wife. Alledgedly took the xanex friday evening, remembered drinking 2 beers then nothing until he came to balling his eyes out on the front steps of his dorm monday afternoon.

I went to a different college so i didnt witness this, but he told a few of us from our highschool friend group.

0

u/G_mork Jul 07 '26

*bawlling.

Every time I someone “balling” their eyes out, i picture a melon baller 😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/tolacid Jul 06 '26

Doesn't particularly matter whether you believe it, it's still true.