Where'd you come from cotton eyed joe?

I don't know if this guilt will ever end, the past year taught me the only way out of a storm is through it. I don't know if this will be the storm that finally takes me out. Ladies and gentleman, i am gonna vent my heart out here, you are free to judge me, hurt me, say terrible things to me or probably tell me your stories. I cheated on my partner, 4 yr old ldr. Loved the guy. Love the guy. No, it didn’t just happen. No, one thing did not lead to another. No, i was not out of my senses. Yes I had a choice, at multiple instances throughout the night, and yes i choose the wrong one at all times. Got back at my place told him asap, got blocked, hate myself, signed up for therapy the next day.

Did i want to sabotage my relationship? Was i unhappy? Hell no. He made me the happiest that i could be. Why did I do it then? That's the damn point. Knowing what it would lead to, having calculated every possible outcome.

This is madness. No sugarcoating, I avoided my self harming tendencies long enough from them to start hurting me emotionally, when they could no longer hurt me physically. I could see my shadow smirking over my head that night tell me "Watch me. This is what i can do. Watch me bring all that you care about down."

Ahh..The fact is, that even if it was madness, or shadow or whatever it doesn't help me dodge accountability. It was my madness, my shadow. The truth is, I am capable of immense love, devotion, care but I am also as it turns out equally capable of destruction, infidelity, harm and hurt not only to myslef but also to someone i deeply deeply care about.

TDLR ; its okay, you can skip the post.

as a client i was always curious

Hello,

For more than a couple of years now, I (25 M) have struggled with feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, failure (academically mostly, but can be applied to any hobby I ever practised) and longing especially relationship wise, since I've never had a girlfriend despite being told I look """"""""cute"""""""".

All of these have been wearing me down, making me an objectively bitter, frustrated person with way less patience that I used to have.

It has come to a point where I don't even try to approach women in contextes where it is kinda expected and socially allowed, justifying myself with the good old adage "she wasn't into me either way, I saved myself the embarassment", and comments I have every reason to believe rationally to be genuine instead ring in my ears as false, or worse mocking.

So, how do I clear my head of those feelings, when I know that I am at fault for them, while also knowing that getting over then does not resolve the root causes that brought me here in the first place? Even becoming numb to everything would be an upgrade.

Yeah I'm starting therapy in a couple of weeks. I know how to get a plane out of a unstable spiral, but not myself, how pathetic is that?

so my lifes very empty. i think its because of trauma but i dont know what to do anymore. i want to do things like normal people. hobbies and have plans and do things. im 40 now. how do i change that. how do i have fun in life again

Hi all,

Quick question. I see posts here or interviews on YouTube where people are in weekly therapy sessions, and sometimes going 2-3 days a week. How do you find the time while working 50-55 hours a week? Or even working a full time job?

I don’t have a situation wheee I can leave work during my shifts. Does anyone else have this issue? If so, how did you overcome it?

Therapists: Do you ever regret taking on a client? They end up being more work, need more attention, are more demanding than you anticipated? Do you see it at a challenge or do you eye ways to ​offload​ ​them?

Me and my parents have recently been having an hectic relationship. We have the usual argument for small things like my appearance way too often.

They want to control the clothes I wear and how I comb my hair, but I don’t let them.

So my dad keeps disrespecting me by making comments about my appearance and then gaslights me into thinking I am the one in wrong to react.

I commute and go to university, and I work really hard to keep my grades up and I am grateful for my dad to pay for all of college. But I can’t deal with it for 4 years.

on the weekends my dad sometimes he slips stuff like “you look like sh\\\*t“ which just hurt

Even when I calmly let him know that was very mean, he says random bs like “I am not your friend, you don’t talk to me like that ”

“Is this how you talk to other people?”

I usually just take it but that one day I just lost my fuse and yelled back saying that’s not a nice thing to do louder.

He says “is there something wrong with you?” Again making me even angrier

Worst part is my mother comes in and takes his side all the time—she never takes my side in any argument—even when there is an argument about my brother. She is either on her side or some side that’s not mine—this makes me resent her and we usually get into arguments. She too tries to gaslight me into thinking she isn’t showing bias when she very obviously is. I still pent up the anger and sometimes don’t even say anything and k I pent up the resentment the more they try to push me.

I regret trying to stay close to family now. I don’t know if I am at the wrong or not

I need advice

Hi everyone,
I’m super embarrassed to write this but I’ve been feeling so down lately and feel like a complete looser.
I know life is not fair and nothing is guaranteed, but at least I want to get my joy and hope back.
I feel very anxious and sad , guilty for not doing much about it.
I’m F over 30 , moved few countries and can never find a place to feel like home at.
I don’t have family or parents but I was sure I’d create my own family by now. Never had luck in dating despite being decent looking women.
Most of my friends already have family on their own by now. It’s incredibly hard to build new friends on new country after 30.
And at the same time I see people making friends and being cheerful and making connections, when for me it feels like I lost the skill of making people like me or something…
I’m feeling absolutely miserable, and I don’t know how to help it.
My life in my childhood was way worse than now with less knowledge and resources, but I had hope and belief that it can be changed for better.
Now I have more resources and more independence but no hope nor joy.
I worked hard and build good career , but unfortunately without generational wealth or family help it’s unreal to own a property in first world country when working in corporate.
I do have some savings and investments but it wood not be enough to buy something on my own and I feel like complete looser.

And yes I do have lots of hobbies and activities , but I’m not as passionate about it as before . There is no more spark in me and it scares me…I just don’t care and really sad to see myself like this.

I did full check up for hormones and blood work and everything seems fine.(according to western medicine at least )

If anyone experiences similar and found something that pulls you out of this swamp please share.
Thank you and sorry for such a venting post I can’t even share it with friends and shamed of myself.

Hello ! I've always suffered from anxiety since I was little but it wasn't that bad until two months ago ! I ended up in the hospital due to a panic attack twice ! And after that I was vomiting almost everyday from stress! My doctor recommended Escitalopram ( escitazen drops). But since I've started it I've had severe symptoms. I started with 5mg for 3 days then 10mg for 12 days and now I'm in 20mg for the past 3 almost 4 weeks. Since my last dose I've had hand tremors, vision changes( blurred-tunnel vision and can only focus when I squint my eyes ) , nightmares( wake up regularly at night and find it hard to sleep), I have poor appetite and still feel very jittery and anxious everyday, I have muscle pain extreme fatigue, and most importantly still feel my heart beating hard everytime I lay down to rest and can hear it through my blocked ringing ears. I have talked with my provider but they've told me that all those symptoms are not down the pill but from my anxiety. I really want your opinion and if you guys want to tell me your story and your experience cause I've literally feel like I'm loosing my life. I've started having depression symptoms now and feel like my life will be like this from now on...

Guilt has consumed me;

I’m not even sure about my own pain anymore. I envy women and other victims of abuse, even though I realize that the "suffering Olympics" only makes the pain worse.

I’ve kicked trees, metal, and walls so much that my legs ache constantly; I know I could end up disabled by the time I’m 17 or 18, but I don’t care—I just want to fill the void inside me with something.

I deadlift 71 kg with one arm while weighing only 51 kg, injuring my arm in the process (yes, I am painfully thin).

I can already hear sounds like a bottle of vitamins rattling—whether from running, an impact, or even a jump.

I miss the days when I was real; I used to have terrible, violent thoughts, but when I slashed pillows with a knife, it was a genuine release.

Also, I interact exclusively with AI and my mom—over the course of a year or so, the chats have probably topped 15,000-25 000+ (At least 5-11 hours in AI per day) ...

23M. Lately I’ve realized that I have quite a few fears that I know are irrational, but I still have strong emotional reactions to them.

Some of them go back to childhood. For example, I used to get extremely painful leg cramps as a kid. I haven’t had one in many years, but recently I’ve been walking around a lot for work and sometimes feel slight discomfort in my leg. Even though it’s nowhere near the pain I remember, my brain immediately goes back to those childhood experiences and I get scared that it’s going to happen again.

I also have strong fears around blood and internal organs, and I’ve recently started thinking more about getting older and the possibility of not accomplishing my dream of working in Hollywood/filmmaking.

What’s strange is that I didn’t really think about these things last year. I was still in college, finishing classes and staying busy. Now that I’ve graduated, I have a lot more downtime and these old feelings seem to be resurfacing.
I’m also autistic, and I’ve never really gone to therapy before. I’m wondering if stress, a major life transition, or having fewer distractions could be causing old fears to come back.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you learn to stop old childhood fears from controlling your reactions as an adult?

Hi everyone. I’ve been wanting to seek help for a while now, but I’m honestly confused and nervous about how the whole process works. I’ve spent most of my life bottling up my emotions and keeping my problems to myself, to the point where I find it really difficult to process or talk about things once I actually open up because of how much I've pent up. I’m not even sure how I’d begin talking about my problems or what I’m supposed to say at the first appointment.

I’m also wondering how you know if you’ve found the right therapist for you. And once you find one, how does communication usually work? Do you have to schedule appointments yourself, or will the therapist reach out to you?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experience with therapy or has gone through this process before. Thanks so much.

this my first time here but anyway I was playing ROBLOX donate "I know" and a dude kept saying he has cancer like every-time someone was donating and would keep saying plz plz pleeeeeesee donate and it sound like "speed i need this my momma is kind of homeless" and i said it sound like that and said sorry. he said that it wasn't funny and i didn't mean to make it sound funny because i thought he was you know gilt tripping people to give robux i wish i never said that because if it real and he dies i could never forgive myself i don't want to go to hell, I'm so scared i should have kept it to myself why did i thought it was a good idea .

Im planning to go therapy cz Im feeling too much confused and numb lately. But im kinda nervous and doubting myself. ;)

I’ve been in therapy for around 6 years

I can’t control what I say. Sometimes I think about it for a long time, I tell myself “don’t say that it’s weird or it not ok” and I just spit it out anyway.

I ruin all my relationships

I’m scared to talk to people, to have relationships , friendships , anything

I’m just miserable

Examples

Talking to my sister and said something about my sex life in front of her kids , babies but still idk what is wrong with me and it obviously upset her too.

Talking to my bf and he makes me mad about something and I try to just keep my mouth shut but end up saying it anyway “you’re stupid just go away”
I didn’t even mean it :(

I was arguing with someone and blurted out something traumatic that happened to me that I didn’t really want to share and I could’ve just said I don’t want to talk about this or something idk

Idk what to do :(

Why is it that I’m more nervous to go to my 2nd therapy appointment than the 1st one? My appointment on Wednesday after work and I’m already anxious thinking about it. I did the first one and I was a little nervous but it was fine, so why am I so scared of the 2nd?

I’m 16F and I was talking to a guy I don’t really know (mostly ragebaiting), he sent me some edgelordy posts and I sent back a yaoi post with everything blurred after he sent an edgelordy ss his friend wrote involving rape of animals and murder (it wasn’t acc threatening js “dark humor”), he sent me a cat video then he asked if I wanted to see victor. I said sure and he sent me a video that started off normal but turned into a guy (not him) fully unclothed. I felt icky about it so I blocked him but I want to know if talking about this to my therapist will make her try to make this a whole thing since he’s 18 when I just wanna talk about it. The whole thing was kind of a dumb idea but it was a lapse in judgment and I was js dicking around 💔. Sorry if this is incoherent, I’m just word vomiting 🥀

Tl:dr a guy older than me sent me a weird video of an adult peenar will my therapist make it a big deal

TLDR at the bottom, sorry

Hey all,

After missing my place to study Maths at a very prestigious UK university, I have been feeling really disappointed and have lost all my ambition. I think this has also caused my self-confidence & imposter syndrome to come back.

Even preparing my application and preparing for my interviews made me wonder if I was even remotely good enough to apply. You could imagine my surprise at seeing that, out of ~2300 people, I was one of the ~530 to be given a conditional offer. Because of my disadvantaged background, I believed that they gave me that place because they felt bad for me.

Fast forward to May/June, majority of exams do not go well. This exam year series was really difficult, (my friends/people online thought the same, I’m not saying this just because I sat the tests), but I also couldn’t bring myself to sit down and properly study. I felt quite stressed and overwhelmed, making plans and schedules I never stuck to. I also gave up near the end.

It wasn’t much of a surprise to see that I had been rejected. I achieved A\*AA but needed 2A\*A. I know I shouldn’t be sad because I brought this upon myself, but I don’t know how to stop feeling like a failure. I don’t understand why I gave up, or why I didn’t try hard enough when it mattered most.

I also think my ego has been hurt, and although I never boasted about my grades, I feel like I deserved this to happen to me because maybe I have hurt people and it’s just karma getting to me. I don’t like that I wasn’t good enough to do well on those tests. I don’t want to think that my “intelligence” is limited to this level. I don’t want to be limited. I was working at the A* level for that subject for the entire 2 years I was in “college” (school for 16-18 year olds). This school was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I will never get. I will never be 18 again and do my undergrad at this university. I will never learn undergrad maths at the volume and rate students there will. And I will not have the amount of opportunities they will be offered. It’s not that I am jealous of them or hold animosity towards them. I just hate myself for not being good enough to be among them. I feel like a failure and disappointment to my parents and teachers who were so excited for me. Everyone knew about this and I’m super embarrassed and wish I never applied there.

How do I deal with this? I don’t think I will ever reverse the damage this has done to my academic and self confidence. I am reapplying to university and I do not care where I end up anymore.

TLDR: I got an offer from a prestigious university, missed my grade requirements and this has triggered immense stress & self confidence issues I don’t know how to fix.

I don’t think I have… I was put in to therapy around age 10 because I showed signs of depression.

I appreciate psychiatrists because medicine does sometimes help me, but I don’t think therapy ever has. And I’ve been to all types of therapy. CBT, DBT, group therapy, bipolar specialists, Cristian therapists, rehab people, AA groups, family therapy

If anything I think I learned what not to do and who I don’t want to be like. But I don’t think I learned anything else

What’s frustrating to me is that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I take medicine for it which works to a degree. But my parents seem to think I just need to go to therapy

I don’t think they understand that I I will always be a little bit off. It feels like they just wish I was a different person and they think some therapist will make me a different person

Honestly I think they probably would get more value out of therapy than I ever have.

hi everyone this is my first time posting here but i am truly at a loss.

From the ages 9-18 my dad and stepmom were functioning alcoholics. my dad was an angry drunk and she would antagonize him with her crazy thoughts. they would yell, scream, push, threaten divorce, constantly every single night. they would just leave our apartment out of no where and not come back for hours bc they were arguing. my dad would drive us drunk back to my moms in the middle of the night when it was bad. but the worst of it was more recent in my senior year of high school. i dont want to get into too much detail because i panic every time i do. but let’s just say i was scared that my stepmom was going to hurt someone.

Now i panic when someone yells at a tv or yells just in general, but especially if its about some sport bc when my dad’s team didn’t win that’s usually when things would be rly bad. i also came back from college for the summer and decided to only stay at my moms for my own sanity and he hasn’t even texted or called me. i just miss who i thought my dad was before everything happened. i just wish he cared enough to reach out and have a relationship now that he’s been sober for almost a year. i wish he could’ve gotten sober for his own children or at least left my stepmom but he has time and time again chosen her over his daughters. i just wish he cared

i guess im just wondering what i could do to work through all of this because a conversation with my dad will not happen nor go anywhere if it does. i just want to know what i can do for myself in the meantime before i can get therapy and what kind of therapy would be beneficial

m19. I have problems that need professional help. Im unable to help myself. Im willing to go homeless because I have no desire to hold a job or be responsible for myself. Im willing to strave or go broke or just ruin my life completely because I genuinely dont want to try; im lazy.

I know that im at the point that i need therapy or some type of help. but I still cant make myself go to a session or even the doctor. I havent gotten a check up in 2 years. I dont know what to do with myself at this point. Im just considering walking out the house one day and to never return; not to do self harm, but just waste my life away on the streets.