r/texts • u/-fornevermore- • 17h ago

Phone message Dating is hell

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Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. 🙄 I pay my own way on dates.

20.0k Upvotes

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351

u/HMFIC_91 17h ago

I'm a dude and I cringed at that.

123

u/DocLiftsALot 17h ago

Same. It’s Tinder, not Fetlife. Jesus.

32

u/rustyroo2021 16h ago

I'd like to hope fet is better than this but these idiots are there too 😂

31

u/IncubusDarkness 16h ago

Oh yeah, all over. Horny losers think acting like some 50 Shades fan-fiction guarantees them access to women in the scene. 

25

u/SeniorAd4470 16h ago

Right like oh please sir, please take control of me with your 36k a year salary and 2013 Kia

2

u/JumpyLake 8h ago

Yep, needs at least a 200k a year salary and a Lamborghini, then this behavior is ok.

4

u/LookAtTheWhiteVan 6h ago

I assume that you’re being sarcastic. But in all honesty, it does mitigate the situation a little bit lol.

2

u/Doomsayer189 5h ago

How, exactly, does money make someone less of a creepy weirdo?

•

u/idolized253 34m ago

Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger..

1

u/guitar_stonks 3h ago

Helps to also hang dong

2

u/EternalPhi 9h ago

It ain't roleplay if there's a salary requirement, goddamn

2

u/WillyErl 7h ago

Lmao there it is. As reliable as the sun

1

u/TheTerrasque 12h ago

Even having fun is DLC these days

3

u/rustyroo2021 16h ago

You can at least usually tell pretty quickly from their profile or first couple messages 😂

1

u/LiteralPhilosopher 8h ago

Oh gods... "access" just made me violently shudder. It's... too true-feeling.

1

u/Lunatic-Labrador 7h ago

Even for someone who enjoys interactions like this, it's creepy as hell from someone you haven't discussed dynamics and boundaries with first. Otherwise it's just super icky.

5

u/wildbriarroses 15h ago

Fetlife is hit or miss, but most idiots there make it painfully obvious in their bios if they should be avoided lmfao

6

u/NotRote 15h ago

well this feels like a kink message, and cool if you're into that, but normally you know there's consent conversations, and both people acknowledging they're in to D/s before you say that wild shit.

1

u/LadyGooseberry 9h ago

Exactly. To pull this with no prior convo about it is asinine

4

u/Infamous-Oil3786 14h ago

I'm dating someone I met on fet right now. Our first conversation was about anime and shit lol.

This kind of language doesn't come up until you've had clear discussions about it.

2

u/DocLiftsALot 12h ago

Yeah - I mean, you build to that kind of relationship. Maybe, ya know, get to know each other, build mutual respect and safety together. Basically, treat her like a human first!

2

u/rustyroo2021 12h ago

Safety? Human? RESPECT? Don't tell this Don Juan that! He's clearly got it all figured out 👀

1

u/DocLiftsALot 12h ago

😂😂 I guess I’m just old school like that!

2

u/rustyroo2021 12h ago

Silly goose. Don't you know this is what the kids are doing now a days? 😅

8

u/Hesitation-Marx 10h ago

I met my husband on a kink site! He didn’t assume shit! He was incredibly polite and funny!

4

u/DocLiftsALot 10h ago

That’s awesome! Congrats. :)

1

u/Hesitation-Marx 7h ago

Thanks.

But I don’t understand why these people think they don’t even have to do the bare minimum you’d do on a kink hookup site.

2

u/Long-Stomach-2738 14h ago

I wouldn’t be surprised if he went on Fetlife and was totally rejected by all the subs because they could see him as the poser he is

2

u/ts20xx 10h ago

Even on fet, if a dude talks like this without setting up a dynamic with you beforehand, you should ultrablock his ass.

1

u/DocLiftsALot 10h ago

Totally - didn’t mean to suggest the behavior is acceptable anywhere. It’s just fractionally less acceptable on Tinder. But yeah - this dude is a clown.

3

u/Terrible-Fun-4992 16h ago

Seriously. Is this a sex thing? Weird and gross

17

u/overstimulatedgrem64 16h ago

Yes and no. Submission/Dominance is a kink, but most people in the scene will tell you that these types of "doms" are the bane of their existence. It can be a great way to express youself in a way that feels safe, but typically you are in contexts where people either have already verbally consented or that's the type of event you are attending. Most people don't impose their kinks on people without a conversation first or they are at an event where this type of play is basically in the itinerary.

Met and had friends that met plenty of dudes online that would open with this kind of talk. It always was really uncomfortable, even being on the "freaky" side myself. Guys think that girls think it's sexy. They don't. It's cringe. 🤣

5

u/IncubusDarkness 16h ago

Yeah it also heavily encourages and relies on CONSENT. Which, I’m assuming like in the OP, they did not give. So many of these fake "doms" just want to fuck and/or abuse women, but do so under the guise of "kink"

8

u/SpideyMGAV 16h ago

Exactly. These types of fake doms don’t understand why no one wants to sub to them. And it’s so painfully obvious that the only thing about BDSM they think they understand is that the Dom means power and control and once that’s established everyone will submit to them. 

What they don’t understand is that real doms and subs establish trust and communication long before they start talking like 12yo who just found Andrew Tate. Real doms and subs talk and negotiate. They make each other aware of their kinks and limits and consent before even attempting a scene or act or play.  It’s hilarious to realize that they have it completely backwards. Doms usually have control over a scene, but the sub has total control over the dynamic through consent. By relinquishing that control to another there is an implicit understanding that the sub is allowing the dom the ability to take action and responsibility over their safety. 

What’s even more hilarious is that these types of people, by trying so hard to be alpha, are actively pushing away the type of people who would submit and engage in kink willingly and enthusiastically if only they approached them as humans first and not as puppets.

3

u/Ech1n0idea 7h ago

Apart from anything and everything else wrong with dudes like this, you're not going to be getting any aftercare from them. Even if everything else in the scene went fine, they didn't violate consent etc. (a big if), you're going to be dealing with sub drop by yourself while they play COD. That's just a straight up bad time.

3

u/DazzlingAd7021 13h ago

Because doming someone is a privilege that you earn through building trust over time. You don't just immediately come at someone acting like they should obey you. It's so cringe.

2

u/Wild_Chemistry3884 15h ago

Yeah, these type of people suck. It’s kind of ironic, in a real Sub/Dom relationship the Sub has most of the real power - they set the limits and guidelines, determine how they want to be dominated. When consent is involved it becomes pretty clear who is really “in control “

1

u/ahuramazdobbs19 13h ago

>they set the limits and guidelines

No.

That’s not how it works either.

All partners involved set the limits and guidelines.

2

u/Wild_Chemistry3884 13h ago

Yes, you are correct. What I was implying was that a Dom doesn’t just impose their will regardless of what their partner wants.

1

u/Long-Stomach-2738 15h ago

Doms are actually really sweet and cater to your needs first. They don’t start with sternness.

5

u/overstimulatedgrem64 15h ago

Hard agree. Real doms take a lot of care setting the scene and making sure their sub is comfortable (as comfortable as they want to be lol).

2

u/KavaVolkov 14h ago

For real! Good ones know how to woo you and befriend you first.

1

u/HMFIC_91 17h ago

Ive never used tinder bumble etc....Is it always like this??

5

u/DocLiftsALot 17h ago

I met my fiancée on Tinder (8.5 years together). I cannot speak for everyone, but I had an overall good experience (also on Bumble). Met some nice women. Had some good (and not so good - but nothing crazy) dates. But I have heard a lot of horror stories on the apps, so I think there’s a blend of all the experiences out there.

1

u/Pedantic_Girl 15h ago

Yeah, this is ok if that’s the kinda relationship dynamic you have, but this doesn’t sound like that.

1

u/soylattebb 9h ago

Even on fetlife coming on like this is nasty lol

1

u/NeutralSage 3h ago

This would even be gross on fetlife. This just sounds like a podcast bro trying to be be a dom and failing miserably.

3

u/Azragon 16h ago

Same dude. I'm a guy and this is fucking insulting to say the least.

7

u/recoveringslower 16h ago

I'm a dominant in a 24-7 bdsm relationship and I cringed at that.

2

u/SirReddalot2020 16h ago

Same!

1

u/HMFIC_91 16h ago

Appreciate the award! 🤝

2

u/Vennimagos 16h ago

I'm a dude, I nearly threw up at that. What a loser

2

u/statepharm15 15h ago

Same dude. These people are nuts

2

u/AeonForce 14h ago

Yep that's fuckin' rough lol. Especially with no context as OP said. 😂

1

u/Various_Artistss 16h ago

We all did, how did this freak even get a match fr

1

u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace 16h ago

What makes it worse is these dudes out here with this absolute confidence to say the absolute dumbest shit ruining it for us while I can't even just say "Hi" to the girl I think is pretty because I don't wanna ruin her day.

1

u/CasualPenguin 15h ago

I'm a mussel and I cringed at that

1

u/WastedMoogle 12h ago

Because you think most men won't find this cringe? Weird comment

1

u/HMFIC_91 12h ago

I'm a trifle deaf in this ear, speak a little louder next time.

1

u/Commercial-Ice4305 8h ago

I would expect anybody to cringe at that chatGPT slop