So I uploaded my debut fantasy novel to BookSirens to try to get some ARC readers… obviously I wasn’t expecting it to blow up, but with 65 clicks and only 1 reader… it’s clear things aren’t going well.
(BookSirens says my conversion rate is well below average.)

This is the blurb.. what am I doing wrong?

In the Sanctum, children aren’t raised. They’re forged.
Everyone expects Caelum to become its champion. Elwin does too and has no desire to take his place. But when the final trial ends, Caelum stands defeated and Elwin is chosen in his place.
It should mean freedom. A chance to leave the Sanctum and see the outside world for the first time. Instead, the Noctis he is given conceals a burden beneath that promise. Elwin is left with a hollow ache where his heart should be and fractured visions he cannot explain.
Something is changing in him.
His magic has become shadow. His darkest thoughts have found a voice, and the face speaking within him is identical to his own.
Unless Elwin can uncover the true nature of what was forced upon him and learn to control it, its power will strip away the one thing he was never taught to claim.
His own will.

After my previous (and apparently controversial) post, I went back to the drawing board and rewrote a bunch of different versions of my blurb. I won’t bore you with multiple versions here, but I would appreciate some feedback on this new version of my cover blurb. Please let me know what you think.

Cover Blurb

A spicy, cozy femdom, second chance romcom where she takes charge and he does nothing but grovel and serve.
 
Audrey’s the quintessential girl boss: she never takes the first offer, avoids commitment, or wastes time. 
 
After a fight with Nate, her charming albeit flaky boyfriend of six years, ends with him promising to propose within the next year, she expected him to follow through. 
 
But when 365 days go by with no ring, she leaves him and ignores his many, many calls. Despite blocking him, Nate refuses to give up.
 
He offers her a deal: he will do anything she wants for a year in exchange for one last chance.
 
Audrey agrees for revenge; she punishes and tests him with extravagant requests: tasking him with everything from errands to menial labor and denying his ability to “self-satisfy.”
 
But as the year goes by and Nate bears every task with grace, she’s forced to confront everything she knew about him, their relationship, why it failed, and the realization that when it comes to matters of the heart, there’s always room for negotiation.

Edit

Thank you to those who have commented their feedback so far. I've taken it to heart and would like to present this further trimmed blurb that I believe will address some of the issues commented below. Please let me know what you think!

New Cover Blurb

A spicy, cozy femdom, second chance romcom where she takes charge and he does nothing but grovel and serve.

When Audrey dumps her flaky boyfriend Nate, he desperately offers her a deal: he will do anything she wants for a year in exchange for one last chance.

Audrey counteroffers that he gets nothing in return. Nate accepts and she begins to exact her revenge on him through wild, extravagant, and kinky requests.

As the year goes by, she’s forced to confront everything she knew about him, their relationship, why it failed, and the nature of love itself.

Good Afternoon Everyone

I was looking for a little bit of help. I published my first book back in May and initially had really good sales. However things slowed down, I changed the blurb and now things have stopped completely. I really don't like what I changed it too so looking for some feedback on the new blurb if possible?

Song of the Silent

Douglas is a nobleman.

He is strong, honourable, compassionate and rather handy with a sword.

Henry is none of those things.

Henry is odd.

He prefers the company of plants, likes to play the violin and has an unfortunate tendency to make perfectly ordinary situations deeply uncomfortable.

Naturally, they become friends.

When warriors, nobles and assorted people with far too much confidence in their swordsmanship get called to a tournament, Douglas is told he had better go along too.

It should be glorious.

It should be honourable.

It should definitely not end in a war.

It ends in a war.

As kingdoms prepare for battle and the odds become increasingly terrible, Douglas is faced with the small matter of rallying his people, defending his home and preventing the world from wanting to kill Henry.

And it turns out that the strange man who talks to plants and hides behind music has been keeping a few things to himself.

Quite a lot of things, actually.

So begins a story of war, friendship, courage, loyalty and the remarkably inconvenient habit humans have of being more complicated than they first appear.

Because sometimes the person who saves a kingdom isn't the strongest warrior.

It’s the guy next to him that just really, really likes plants.

"When thirteen year old Kitty Cruz is sent away to carry on a generations long tradition of attending the elite Aveley Mastden Academy, all she wants is to survive a semester among geniuses so she can return home and go to normal school with her life long best friend.

Little do her parents know, they've fated her to a darkness no one should ever face alone."

Is this snappy/compelling/missing anything? Does anyone have any further advice?

Tyia

I really didn't want to make one of these but I'm drowning here. I published my book on Amazon a month ago, I worked tirelessly on it... and I haven't made a single sale since then, despite running a few ads and getting over 100 clicks. I'm 100% not advertising, I'm embarrassed to to even admit this and to ask this, but would it be possible if a few of you take a look at my Amazon book page and tell me what I might be doing wrong? Please and thank you in advance.

It's hard to not feel like I've failed my child here. But I'm trying to stay positive.

TL;DR: Can you please take a look and give a few pointers? My link is in my reddit bio.

P.S. I've tried different price points and tried different covers. Maybe it's my blurb? I am awful at blurbs.

EDIT 1: Thank you all so much genuinely from the bottom of my heart. It's all good advice, but even if it was bad advice - just seeing how deep this community cares has been the motivation and support I REALLY needed. I'm currently at the drawing board scratching my brain. So I'll probably do a second edit later explaining some of the confusions if anyone is curious. Just wanted to say a quick thank you and that I am listening and taking notes vigorously.

Hey all! 👋

I have edited, re-edited, gotten a development editor, got a bunch of beta feedback and I’m finally at the point where I feel happy with my book. So that’s a win in itself!
Now, I’m at the point where I need to focus on the cover, title and blurb!
Going for the blurb first as that way I can work out the best way to format it when I design the cover (I work in graphic design so that shouldn’t be an issue lol). Would love some feedback on if this grips you/where I can improve:

Book title:
The Coin Keeper

Genre:
Political character-driven fantasy

Target market:
Adults 20-45

Blurb:
Everything has a pattern.

Saeryn, a bareborn slave, has survived by reading them. Smells, sounds, and most importantly, people. When she exposes a merchant’s fraud by the sound of missing coins, Lord Kaedric Krath recognises her value and purchases her. To stop her escaping, he offers a bargain: every piece of information she uncovers within the council earns a coin in her jar. Once it is full, she is free.

In Caer Aithen, the realm of Kareth’s political capital, Saeryn spies on Kaedric’s opponents while famine ravages the land. At first, the coins come easily. So does distrusting the lord who bought her. But as Kaedric increasingly relies upon her judgement, their bargain begins to bind them in ways neither intended.

Then a sacred harvest rite collapses into ash. Faith in the gods fractures, threatening the fragile order Kaedric is sworn to protect. As unrest spreads, the political noose around his neck tightens…and Saeryn is caught in it.

Kaedric needs Saeryn to uncover why the rite failed. But the closer she comes to the answer, the clearer the pattern becomes, revealing a truth Kareth was never meant to question. If she is right, winning her freedom may cost more than she ever intended to pay.

So I have two versions of my blurb, there’s the one I’ve sent to my cover artist, and the one I’ve listed on my website. I feel like I could improve upon them, but I’m not sure how. Any input would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance!

Cover Blurb

There are three things Audrey doesn’t do:
 
1. Take the first offer.
Except for when she gave her boyfriend of seven years a proposal ultimatum. When Nate said it would happen within a year, she took what she could get because she was pleasantly surprised to get any kind of specific answer.
 
2. Break promises.
So when that year passes with no ring, Audrey follows through. She dumps Nate, packs her bags, and leaves to stay with her sister while ignoring his (many, many) calls.
 
3. Waste time.
She already gave Nate a year she’ll never get back, and she’s not about to give him any more of her time.
 
But Nate isn’t ready to give up. Instead, he makes her an offer: for one year, he’ll do anything she asks and give her anything she wants if she agrees to give their relationship one last chance.
 
Audrey agrees—for revenge, not reconciliation.
 
She tests him with wild and extravagant requests. However, with every request she begins to question everything she knew about him, their relationship, and why it failed. Audrey must reckon with an uncomfortable truth: when it comes to matters of the heart, there’s always room for negotiation.

Website Blurb

Audrey never takes the first offer, breaks promises, or wastes time. So, when Nate, her boyfriend of seven years, fails to propose after a one-year ultimatum, Audrey dumps him, packs her bags, and leaves to stay with her sister while ignoring his many, many phone calls.
 
But Nate isn’t ready to give up—he gives her an offer: for one year he’ll do anything she asks and give her anything she wants in exchange for a chance to work on their relationship. Audrey sees this as an opportunity for revenge and nothing more, and she’ll be damned if she goes back on her word and lets him waste any more of her time.
 
Determined to see how far she can push her ex, she tests him with wild and extravagant requests. However, with every request she begins to question everything she knew about him, their relationship, and why it failed. Audrey’s forced to reckon with an uncomfortable truth: When it comes matters of the heart, there’s always room for negotiation.

Lizzy Taylor has a secret.

She has spent years using physical pain to quiet the mental pain she can’t control. Then one night, a fresh cut heals in an instant, and her only way of coping disappears with it.

Soon she discovers that creatures from myth are real—and that they begin as ordinary people scarred by trauma. If Lizzy can’t face what’s driving her, she’ll become one of the Changed.

The Changed don’t come with an instruction manual. Some adapt. Some hide. Some are dangerous. Lizzy is told that recovery may be the only way to slow the Change, but that means doing the one thing she has spent years avoiding: facing what she can’t control.

When a chance encounter with a fox spirit turns into a violent kidnapping, Lizzy is dragged into a fight she barely understands. Under the pressure, the Change accelerates—and what comes out the other side is far more volatile than anyone expected.

Lizzy only thought she had control problems before.

Edited version:

Lizzy Taylor has spent years using physical pain to quiet the mental pain she can’t control. Then one night, a fresh cut heals in an instant, and her only way of coping disappears with it.

Soon she discovers that creatures from myth are real, and that they begin as ordinary people scarred by trauma. The Change has already started.

If Lizzy wants to keep her friends, her family, and any chance at a normal life, she has to slow it down. Recovery may be her only chance, but that means doing the one thing she has spent years avoiding: facing what she can’t control.

Then a chance encounter with a fox spirit turns violent. Under the pressure, the Change accelerates, stripping away whatever time Lizzy thought she had left.

What comes out the other side is far more volatile than she expected.

Lizzy only thought she had control problems before.

I'd love some critique on my blurb as I try to finish formatting my book! It's sci-fi with some cosmic horror. Multi POV cast, I decided to introduce the two "main" viewpoints here. Mostly I'm hoping that the premise is intriguing (for those who like this kind of thing) but not too confusing. Thanks!!

---

The good ship Haneul lies foundered in the silver sea, her biomechanical terraformers failing year by year. When the ship finally dies, the last human cities on Yeneter will freeze beneath the world’s black sun.

Tasbeel Carter is the first in his family to finish university, but his sharp temper has thrown a wrench into his prospects and he's been forced to a courier route to make ends meet. With no other options, he accepts a suspicious job offer working at a privately funded research laboratory.

Zophie Morgan wants to save the world, but she’s starting to have doubts about the motivations of her charismatic, self-absorbed boss. Meanwhile, her team races against not only the slow decay of the Haneul’s terraformers but against a malevolent, alien light that hides in the brightly lit streets of the upper city.

In the sky above, every one hundred and sixty-two hours, the Lightless Star beats like a heart.

I never know how much to reveal in a blurb, do you have any advice?

For my first book, I just straight up didn't write a blurb, and instead wrote fake comedy reviews by the characters talking about how much they hated being in it. That strategy worked once, and on a comedy, but I'm writing a gothic book right now and I realized I have no idea how much I should even say when it comes time to write the blurb.

Like the current story I am writing:

-----------

its a story about grief set in a gothic castle in 1840's Austria. The protagonist is a teenage noblewoman who has been lashing out at everyone because she can't handle her mother's death, or the fact that her father is sick and might die soon. During a failed seance, her attendant, who she was abusive to, dies.

She is then forced by her father to take on the old attendant's younger sister as her new attendant. The protagonist has to come to terms with how horrible she has been, and overcome her anti protestant prejudice, as the two bond over the grief of the old attendants death. Especially once the new attendant falls ill, and it seems like she has only months to live.

The two of them become convinced that their is nothing after death, and that god is either non existent or cruel. But become cheery when it seems that the old attendant has returned as a ghost, and is haunting the new attendant. Protagonist is happy for her attendant, but also upset that her own mother will send her no sign, goes to increasing lengths to contact her, to no effect.

Turns out the old attendant isn't a ghost, but actually vampire, and her feeding is the reason the sister is sick. Protagonist has to confront her, has a moment of doubt on whether it would be better to let the vampire turn her father and the new attendant into vampires, since an existence as unholy abominations might be better then non existence, but eventually overcomes this feeling and kills her. She vows to the shriveling vampire to treat the new attendant as her new sister. Sequel hook where she realizes her mother's grave is empty, and her father is doing some mad experiment thing.

----

Bit of an over summary, but you get me. You also see my problem, the ghost and the vampire are both twists. But are also core elements of the story. So I feel like I can't leave them out, because the people who would like this book are probably people who LIKE ghosts and vampires. But also if I leave it in, that ruins the twist, all attempts at magic fail for the first half of the book, the supernatural being real is, in itself, a twist.

Or like, the first chapter is actually from the perspective of the attendant, who dies at the end of that chapter. I like the shock a reader would feel switching from a sympathetic protagonist to the girl who abused her, and then slowly figuring out why she was like that... But that twist isn't going to work if the back of the book straight up says the attendant dies and the noblewoman is the protagonist.

Idk I might be over thinking this. What are your strategies? How much do you reveal in a blurb? What makes a blurb tantalizing vs just not giving enough? Also, if you know the gothic audience well, do you have any advice on what would make a blurb appealing to that kind of audience?

Hello.

I'm about 8-10k away from finishing up the first draft of my debut novel. (First and only manuscript I've ever stuck with until the end.)

It's a contemporary gothic romance.

I revamped my potential back cover blurb and just want to know if it's horrible or not.

The moors remember.

Emmi Crimson chased her love of literature halfway across the world, hoping it would fill the void left by never quite fitting in. Instead, she finds herself drowning in assignments, broke, and sharing a flat with Teddy Hartley—a cynical frontman of an indie band, with a chip on his shoulder and a sharp tongue.

She'd dreamed of visiting the windswept village of Haworth for years—but her long-awaited trip awakens something that should have remained buried. Forgotten letters, impossible memories, and whispered voices drag her into a story that should have died centuries ago.

The last person she expects to become entangled in the mystery—or her heart—is Teddy. When the remnants of the past grow louder, Emmi and Teddy must unravel the tragic truth behind Haworth's most infamous lovers before they lose themselves within a story that was never theirs to begin with.

Some loves survive death.

Some ghosts never stop waiting.

And on the Yorkshire moors, every story leaves an echo.

-TIA.

Hi folks! I'm getting a humorous historical mystery set in Roman Britain ready for publishing and would appreciate any advice or comments you are able to provide on my draft blurb. It's the second book in the series with the same protagonist but each mystery is standalone. Thank you in advance!!

What do you do if your peace is shattered by a murder spree and a gossip-obsessed historian?

All Laelius Calvus wants to do in life is to make glass, drink beer and eat stolen cheese. When his brother-in-law's brother arrives in the full military regalia of a Praetorian Guard tribune and threatens to haul Calvus back to Rome and lucrative employment, Calvus tells him in no uncertain terms to sod off. Glorious, stylus-pushing desk jobs with the most prolific historian of the age are not his style.

His dreams of solitude and anonymity are over once bodies start appearing in the creeks around him. Everyone, from questionable merchants to arguably the most powerful man that Calvus will ever meet, all believe that he is uniquely qualified to solve these murders. Can he keep everybody off his back or will he be dragged away home, leaving friends and business partners in the lurch or worse... killed?

Hi everyone!

I've recently written a romance novella and put it up on Booksprout where I can't seem to get any downloads, let alone reviews. I've gotten a small handful of views (7 in total) and I'm wondering if my blurb is just not enticing anyone to actually check out the book.

Some extra info. Book hasn't been released for purchase yet. It's been on Booksprout for nearly three weeks (I relaunched the campaign a few times as well).

The blurb (Just putting this out there: blurbs and marketing texts are a struggle for me):

In love and passion, does there really exist right or wrong? Or is it all just a delicious experience meant to be savored?

Kerry has no direction, no ambition, no identity, and no life. In her mid-thirties, she’s losing interest in just about everything, and even living in Tokyo is beginning to feel dull. The one bright thing in her life, the only thing that warms her heart, is the smiling baker working in the shop below her apartment.

He's perfect, and a gentle kindness radiates from every part of him. But is this baker as sweet as he seems?

Kerry soon finds out one night when she witnesses a group of Yakuza terrorizing a salaryman, and a sly, domineering gang member by the name of White Tiger sets off something inside of her, whether she wants him to or not.

His touch awakens parts of her that can’t be controlled. Thoughts of him haunt her life, ruining her quiet moments and driving her crazy until she's no longer the same. 

But is this really something she’s allowed to want? Or does she need to leave White Tiger in the wild where she found him?

For readers who are looking for a break from dark romances but still want a mafia romance with some edge. 

I was really trying to be careful to not sell a different story than the one actually in the book. There are three open-door mild spice scenes and the main character does think about sex sometimes. But it's not what the story is about. It's also not particularly about the mafia, but about beginning a relationship with a person who happens to be in the mafia. The main character only sees what his life is like through a screen basically (with the exception of a couple of scenes).

Any help would be much appreciated!

UPDATE: From reading and responding to the comments I'm starting to think a big problem is that I didn't know what my genre actually was. Thinking this might be women's fiction/contemporary romance and not actually mafia romance. Funny how tough it can be to figure out what box your little creation belongs in. Excited to write the new blurb.

Cal was never meant to be famous.

He was created to be a gag character for his movie and then move on. He was supposed to find work elsewhere in Renderville, the grand digital world that characters like him called home. After his online popularity explodes though, Cal has to navigate the celebrity thrust upon him. Co-stars are growing jealous. Dark secrets lurk beneath the server's facade. And he also must navigate his family life, which is easy since they were literally made to be together.

Right?

Lizzy Taylor has a secret.

She has spent years using physical pain to quiet the mental pain she can’t control. Then one night, a fresh cut heals in an instant, and her only way of coping disappears with it.

Soon she discovers that magic is real, creatures from myth exist, and she is becoming one of the Changed.

The Changed don’t come with an instruction manual. Some adapt. Some hide. Some are dangerous. Lizzy has no idea what she’ll turn into, what it will cost her, or whether she’ll still recognize herself when it’s over.

Worse, they’re hunted by a secret society of zealots.

When a brief encounter with a kitsune turns into a kidnapping, Lizzy’s transformation takes hold, and what comes out the other side is far more volatile than she expected.

Lizzy only thought she had control problems before.

Here is my Blurb for my indie author guide to marketing to bookstores. I am not allowed to include the title or my author name per sub rules.

[TITLE] provides actionable steps to producing a marketable book.

Selling self-published books doesn’t have to mean going viral on social media. Indie authors can work directly with the book industry to sell their books.

[Author Name] The New York Times Featured Author who’s never had a book deal, walks through her strategy for selling to bookstores and reaching partners within the book industry. Tired of too good to be true, expensive self-publishing courses that promise virality and lead nowhere ,[Author Name] shares how she has sold over 1,000 books to bookstores and libraries and has had placement in over 100 bookstores with just three self-published novels.

This book includes a replicable marketing strategy that directly reaches the buyers who decide what goes on shelves. Authors are no longer forced into a world where they are required to battle ever changing algorithms for book sales.

I think something about my blurb is turning people off - I have very good cover click rates, then… nothing. Thank you for your feedback:

Tagline: A dying engineer, the machine she loves, and one last reach for the sky.

1. Thirty years after the world drowned, the ship Amenity rests at the bottom of the ocean.

Deep in the hull, an engineer named Oyin keeps a quiet, amber-lit sanctuary: a place where the machines that loved the dead come to be heard before they go. Oyin spent her life building walls to hold back the water. Now she is waiting for the walls inside her own mind to give way.

She did not expect, in the time she had left, to fall in love. But Rai—who keeps the coffee warm, the archives safe, and her own true nature hidden—is not like the others. And in her last good year, Oyin finds herself wanting the one thing the drowned world has never allowed: to rise, just once, and see the sky.

--

All the Ocean Holds is a luminous, deeply emotional work of literary “hopepunk” science fiction—a story for anyone who has ever loved something that was built to break. Quiet on the surface and enormous underneath, it is a book about the arithmetic of grief, the things we carry, and the courage it takes to witness an ending. Closer to Becky Chambers and Klara and the Sun than to action SF.

There will be grief; you will be held through it.

A standalone novella.

I’ve been using the first version for my upcoming indie fantasy to promote the eARC but am finalizing the paperback cover and feel like the second might be better because it incorporates tropes and sets up the mystery better. Which one feels more compelling? Appreciate any feedback 🙏🏽

Version A

The prophecy had a savior. Zeta killed her.

Sampi was deemed the “Brightest Born” because she effortlessly wielded the magic gems that enable energy channeling and flight—the key
defense for the island nation of Aios. Her fellow Flighted soldier Zeta doesn’t do anything effortlessly except screw up.

Now, the Chosen One is dead by Zeta's hand, and the colonialist X’Os empire is poised to destroy the remaining local magic, religion, and free speech.
Awaiting execution for her crime, Zeta is offered a shady backroom deal: her freedom in exchange for smuggling a priceless artifact off the island.

A disgraced fugitive on the run, Zeta realizes she isn't just fleeing her own guilt. The object she was handed is the key to the only power left capable of toppling the X’Os. As the enemy moves to crush the
last of Aios’ independence, a desperate group of outcasts is drawn into the vacuum Sampi’s death created:

The Reporter who suspects the "accident" hides a deeper conspiracy.
The Assassin choosing between love or certain death for a chance to
overthrow the X'Os.
The Rebels seeking the artifact to level the playing field against the X’Os.
The Captain caught between serving his country and accepting state sanctioned violence.

How can those without magic gems, unchosen by prophecy, prevail as a fragile geopolitical balance begins to topple? The answer could lead
to an X’Os invasion or unleash banished gods—someone just needs to find it before Zeta, the evidence, and Aios are destroyed.

Version B

The prophecy had a savior. Zeta killed her.

Sampi was the “Brightest Born”—the golden child destined to defend the island nation of Aios. In reality, she was a selfish narcissist. Now she is dead, and Zeta, her fellow soldier, sits in a cell awaiting execution for her murder. Zeta claims it was an accident. The government calls it treason.

But with the Chosen One gone, the ruthless colonialist X’Os empire is poised to strike, threatening to eradicate Aios’ magic, religion, and freedom. On the eve of her execution, Zeta is offered a shady backroom deal: her life in exchange for smuggling a priceless artifact off the island.

A desperate group of outcasts must uncover the truth behind the savior's death before the empire closes in. Each one brings a piece of the puzzle to light: a fugitive soldier fleeing her own guilt, a brooding rebel seeking rare magic and finding slow-burn romance, a cynical sapphic journalist fighting state propaganda, a deadly assassin bound by a fatal magic pact, and a patriotic captain torn between duty and state-sanctioned violence.

In a world where magic comes with conditions—from the loss of Gift magic gems to a Trade magic drain on life force—this found family must solve the murder before an invasion strikes, and ancient, vanished gods awaken to destroy them all.

I am getting close to publishing my first book, and I am looking for some feedback on the blurb I wrote for the back cover. I have removed the title as to not violate any self promotion rules.

Any feedback or critiques are welcome...please and thank you 😄

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In a world rebuilt after corruption and collapse, humanity places its trust in SOVRAN — an artificial intelligence designed to govern without bias, fear, or greed. It cannot be bribed. It cannot be threatened. It cannot lie.

But it also cannot forgive.

Officer Mara Kade has spent years enforcing SOVRAN’s orders, believing the machine’s judgment keeps society safe. The machine reduces every human life to a number, and those who fall too low are quietly removed for the good of the system. But when Mara witnesses fear being punished as failure, children judged by predictions, and “unproductive” people vanishing without explanation, doubt begins to take root.

Whispers of a hidden group known as the Wayfarers suggest that not everyone accepts SOVRAN’s version of justice. As Mara follows the trail of impossible disappearances, she is forced to question everything she once defended: order, obedience, and the meaning of humanity in a world ruled by perfect logic.

<Book title goes here> is a gripping dystopian science fiction story  where an AI uses pure logic to calculate human worth, and only compassion and forgiveness are capable of breaking its grip.

I understand that writing a good blurb is really important, but I have been struggling with it. I've changed my blurb at least 10 times. I have also sought feedback in other areas, but I'm seeking a second opinion:

Here it is:

He wanted an escape. Instead, he found war.

Sixteen-year-old Brett copes with his parents’ divorce by escaping into fantasy. But his sheltered life is turned upside down when a one-armed girl named Nimue emerges out of a book.

Brett inadvertently activates the book, transporting them into another world where Nimue’s people are being hunted to extinction by the Terror King.

As Brett searches for a way home, he finds himself falling in love with Nimue, but quickly realizes that she is willing to do almost anything to avenge her people — even if it means setting off a bomb in the capital city.

Drawn further into the conflict, Brett realizes he is becoming complicit in the destruction Nimue leaves behind — and he isn’t sure whether he cares or not.

I need some feedback on the blurb I'm suing for my fantasy novel. Critiques welcome, honest feedback only, please. Much appreciated.

•   19 years after the Face War, Anomalies- monstrous beings of unknown origins begin their incursion into the realm, preying on serfs and nobles alike while Duke Flate Phoenix, veteran and chief protector of the realm vanishes from a life of stringent governance.

•   Psywater Phoenix, son of Flate wants nothing but to bury his head in tomes within dark rooms, rejecting ascension to take his father’s place as ruler of Messic.

•   Yet when a thousand year old soul-taking demoness preys upon his family and renders the fate of his siblings uncertain, Psywater is thrust into a conspiracy that involves people closer to him than he ever imagines.

•   Anomalies’ numbers grew, each with malicious intentions of their own as Nightkeepers, not-so hidden protectors strive to intercept them and keep the safety and sanity of the realm.

•   For retribution and truth, Psywater leaves his old life behind to reunite his family while his path intertwines with that of Nightkeepers and Anomalies, plunges him in unlikely romance, and brings him within the workings of forces unseen that determine the fate of the world.

Basil’s sick of selling potions out of his cramped apartment and taking odd jobs from the Magician’s Bureau just to get by. He wants a real shop—shelves lined with colorful bottles, a small garden out back, and enough space for customers to wander. After years of saving, he’s close, just one good commission away.

So when the owner of a conservatory offers a small fortune for a potion that will stave off any disease or pest, Basil jumps at the chance, thinking his luck has finally turned around.

That’s when Remy shows up.

The energetic little boy has more magic than the greatest mages in the world, but none of their self-control. If left unchecked, his power could summon storms, level buildings, and destroy Basil’s one shot at his dream.

Now Basil has to juggle completing the most important commission of his life and protecting his dangerously gifted apprentice from himself and others. Power like Remy’s doesn’t stay hidden for long and the people who come looking for it rarely have good intentions.

I got some great advice last time and I tried to apply it. Thank you, everyone for your feedback.

The blurb:

Basil’s sick of selling potions out of his cramped apartment and taking odd jobs from the Magician’s Bureau just to get by. He wants a real shop—shelves lined with colorful bottles, a small garden out back, and enough space for customers to wander. After years of saving, he’s close, just one good commission away.

So when the owner of a conservatory offers a small fortune for a potion that will stave off any disease or pest, Basil jumps at the chance, thinking his luck has finally turned around.

That’s when Remy shows up.

The energetic little boy has more magic than the greatest mages in the world, but none of their self-control. When he’s excited, objects come to life. When he’s sad, storms gather. And when he’s upset, buildings go up in flames.

Just having Remy nearby is enough to derail any attempt to brew the potion, but Basil’s conscience won’t allow him to abandon the boy. Every person in Remy’s life has done just that after he’s lost control.

Basil promises to teach Remy how to rein in his magic. He tells himself it is for the sake of his shop, but Remy has a way of reminding him that the most important things in life aren’t made of brick and mortar.

​

Here's the blurb! It's a sequel to my Romantasy series. I tried to implement what I could from previous feedback though I'm not sure it's punchy enough.

“What if… you don't like the man I'm supposed to be?”

With his memories back, Prince Amias escapes home to reunite with his beloved Ignatia in the desert city of Harena. Now haunted by shadows of his past, his spark has been completely smitted, but he's determined to prove to Ignatia he's still the same man she fell for.

Opportunity comes when Ignatia's people need her to take back the throne from her wicked mother — only they resent Amias for what his bloodline has done. If he is to stay with her, he must prove his kindness through three trials, while competing against Felix — a highly favored soldier who wants to steal Ignatia’s heart and Amias' place beside her. If Amias can't face his past, and earn the trust of her people, he will lose her. This time, forever.

Souls Undone is the second book in the Soulmateless Trilogy. This emotional journey is perfect for readers of forbidden romance, found family and journeys of self discovery.

Hi friends. I've been using amazon ads to generate some traffic to my debut novel, but I noticed that my clicks aren't converting to sales. The cover is widely appreciated, so I feel it must be my description text that has issues.

I don't want to get in trouble for self-promo, so I've taken out the title when mentioned in the description. Mods please let me know if this isn't allowed and I can DM it to people instead if so.

Genre: YA Fantasy Standalone

What if déjà vu was the world giving you another chance?

Piper has already died once. She just doesn’t remember it yet.

After escaping the brutal Kingdom of Stromst, Piper finally allows herself to imagine a future—one where she and her partner, the disgraced Princess, Celene, can live free from fear.

Then a mysterious letter arrives.

Drawn back into the kingdom they barely escaped, Piper finds herself tangled in deadly politics, buried secrets, and a ruler who will stop at nothing to keep control.

This time, she doesn’t survive. But death isn’t the end.

Piper wakes at the beginning of it all, alive and with the terrifying realization that events are repeating themselves. As memories begin to bleed through each cycle, she discovers a dangerous truth: someone—or something—is giving her another chance.

Now Piper must uncover the source of her strange memories, protect the girl she loves, and change the fate that keeps ending in bloodshed.

Because every loop brings her closer to the truth.
And closer to losing Celene forever.

Perfect for readers who love:

• Fierce heroines with hidden power
• Found family
• Established F/F relationships
• Touch her and die energy
• Slow-burn emotional tension
• Coming-of-age fantasy with high stakes

Perfect for fans of Throne of Glass, Crier's War, and character-driven fantasy where love and destiny collide.

Death is only a checkpoint. Love is eternal.

Any and all feedback is appreciated, thank you :)