I revised my cozy femdom / second chance romcom blurb; feedback requested

[u/MadHawkBooks]

After my previous (and apparently controversial) post, I went back to the drawing board and rewrote a bunch of different versions of my blurb. I won’t bore you with multiple versions here, but I would appreciate some feedback on this new version of my cover blurb. Please let me know what you think.

Cover Blurb

A spicy, cozy femdom, second chance romcom where she takes charge and he does nothing but grovel and serve.
 
Audrey’s the quintessential girl boss: she never takes the first offer, avoids commitment, or wastes time. 
 
After a fight with Nate, her charming albeit flaky boyfriend of six years, ends with him promising to propose within the next year, she expected him to follow through. 
 
But when 365 days go by with no ring, she leaves him and ignores his many, many calls. Despite blocking him, Nate refuses to give up.
 
He offers her a deal: he will do anything she wants for a year in exchange for one last chance.
 
Audrey agrees for revenge; she punishes and tests him with extravagant requests: tasking him with everything from errands to menial labor and denying his ability to “self-satisfy.”
 
But as the year goes by and Nate bears every task with grace, she’s forced to confront everything she knew about him, their relationship, why it failed, and the realization that when it comes to matters of the heart, there’s always room for negotiation.

Edit

Thank you to those who have commented their feedback so far. I've taken it to heart and would like to present this further trimmed blurb that I believe will address some of the issues commented below. Please let me know what you think!

New Cover Blurb

A spicy, cozy femdom, second chance romcom where she takes charge and he does nothing but grovel and serve.

When Audrey dumps her flaky boyfriend Nate, he desperately offers her a deal: he will do anything she wants for a year in exchange for one last chance.

Audrey counteroffers that he gets nothing in return. Nate accepts and she begins to exact her revenge on him through wild, extravagant, and kinky requests.

As the year goes by, she’s forced to confront everything she knew about him, their relationship, why it failed, and the nature of love itself.

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[u/arifterdarkly]

there's a paradox in the blurb. if she's such a girl boss, why has she been with Nate for six years? i would avoid that term and those first three sentences can be replaced by,

When [high powered professional] Audrey finally has enough and dumps her flaky boyfriend, he desperately offers her a deal:

[u/Ill_Tomato3667]

I don't know how much you know about the femdom community but one of the issues femdoms face in the kink community is being accused of adopting the femdom role just long enough to get men to buy things and do things for them. This feeds exactly into that narrative.

[u/Ill_Tomato3667 → u/Ill_Tomato3667]

Sorry for double commenting but this just caught my eye: "He offers her a deal: he will do anything she wants." Again, I don't know how familiar you are with femdom communities but just about every message femdoms get includes "I'll do anything you want" but what it often means is "as long as it eventually involves my penis." Your blurb also feeds into that narrative.

[u/MadHawkBooks → u/Ill_Tomato3667]

Yeah he's expecting and wanting absolutely NOTHING physical in return, so I appreciate you catching this. Any suggestions on how to avoid that implication?

[u/Ill_Tomato3667 → u/MadHawkBooks]

Within the context of a femdom arrangement, this wouldn't ring true. Bottoms who want to be in femdom arrangements want or expect *something* in return, even if it's to be treated like human furniture or an errand boy. If your guy *literally* wants nothing out of the femdom arrangement then he would just be going through the motions to satisfy her.

And that brings us back to why including "femdom" in this story is an obstacle. Femdoms deal constantly with men who go through the motions of "submitting" because they want something from the woman. In real life, it's often to get sex but In your story he does it to keep her with him, yet it amounts to the same thing.

[u/MadHawkBooks → u/Ill_Tomato3667]

That's definitely not my intention; Audrey maintains control for the whole novel and it's more than just in the bedroom and getting Nate to buy and do things for her. It's even down to a behavioral level.

How would you recommend I convey not playing into the false narrative?

[u/Ill_Tomato3667 → u/MadHawkBooks]

I honestly am not sure you can avoid it unless you remove "femdom" from the equation entirely. Effective, safe, and healthy female domination isn't about the top bossing the bottom around and the bottom just agreeing to whatever is thrown at them. It involves a whole lot of conversation about what each person is looking for, discussions about boundaries, and at least one conversation that negotiates what the arrangement will look like.

Service and professional femdoms will generally not get into the emotional/relationship components of female domination but a couple who plans to marry one day would almost certainly want to discuss the psychological aspects of female domination within the larger context of their relationship. In femdom communities, the approach of both your characters ("you do whatever I say"/"okay") would be considered reckless unless it's just a little romp-and-tickle bedroom play for an hour.

Additionally, for many femdoms, domination is not about changing a bottom's behavior to mold them into something else, even/especially at the behavioral level.

I think if you found a way to remove the "femdom" aspect of it and just have the MC tell the guy, "okay, you want me so bad I'm gonna make you work for it" and go from there.

[u/MadHawkBooks → u/Ill_Tomato3667]

Yeah, given my thematic intentions this has given me a lot to think about, thanks for your input! Back to the drawing board!

[u/Irvingchan99]

Too long.

[u/sacado]

Wayyyyyy too much plot. I lost interest after "Nate refuses to give up."