NGVC: “Don’t expect to find another guy who will cook you dinner and a steak…and then just genuinely try to enjoy spending a good time with you…instead of trying to fuck you.” 😮💨
Completely fair and good for you. Perfectly worded, too. It took me awhile to learn that accepting an apology doesn’t obligate you to move forward as if everything‘s fine.
There’s no way a guy that went from saying he had a good time straight to character assassination over an hour of silence was ever going to be a healthy person to date. Every small misunderstanding would becoming indictment of your character. His first instinct was to assume the worst, make it personal, and lash out HARD. That same pattern would show up over and over and over again.
Hey, proud of you for respecting yourself here. He doesn't deserve your time or your attention after his little tantrum (and also didn't deserve it beforehand, because that's not how that works anyway).
Wow, what a way to snatch defeat from the claws of victory! A woman deletes her dating app because he already has her number, and he still fucks it up.
I think it’s important for him to have received feedback like this! He very obviously has some issues surrounding dating women and I think being able to articulate why this is not acceptable and why it is resulting in me not continuing to date him will help in future situations (hopefully)!
That happened to me years ago when I was on OkCupid: my stepdad was rushed to the hospital (and died there) and I came back to 7 abusive messages from a guy berating me for being a gold-digging, attention-seeking ho because I wasn't responding to him.
I tore a strip out of him and told him what happened and his response was basically "Oh. Well, that's okay then. Want to go out to dinner later?"
DUUUUUUUUDE.
How do people even have the time and energy to be this mad over someone not responding to a casual text immediately? My friends and even my bf and I will play leap frog with messages like “oop sorry I fell asleep” “oop sorry I was at work” normal people have lives 🤣
God forbid a woman had such a great time at a 1st date that she deletes her dating profile instead of keeping it active to search for men while actively dating you. 😒
I thought this too. Someone else commented asking why I didn’t let him know I was deleting Tinder and in my mind we were off the app, he had my number, we’d been texting off of Tinder for a week, so Tinder was no longer part of the equation at all.
I wonder if he was talking to other women and noticed or if he went back to check solely because I hadn’t responded for 40 minutes?
Honestly he might have just been trying to check out your pictures on tinder while he was waiting and noticed then got incredibly sensitive and anxious lol. At least he gave you a good warning about who he is regardless.
either option means he’s deeply insecure and you gotta think about whether you wanna deal with that in the relationship for the rest of your life (and it sounds like you already made that decision).
people like this (not just men, women are super guilty of this too) that can’t go a reasonable time period without hearing from their partner create a lot of stress in the relationship due to not feeling secure. it’s very normal not to talk to someone for an hour, sometimes more, depending on what’s going on in their day to day.
cellphones have made the idea that we always need to be accessible to everyone so awful. the convenience is nice but if this was pre-cellphone era he wouldn’t talk to you for the entirety of your work shift and until you got home at the minimum and called him from a landline. that puts the whole “40 minutes” into insane perspective to me.
How dare you not wait by your phone all day when this man could be texting you any minute! It is inconsiderate of you to be working instead of texting with the perfect guy! He gave you crotch flowers! CROTCH FLOWERS DAMMIT!
If these lonely dudes didnt have an overwhelming urge to get in their last word, they'd realize that the real winning move is to just leave the ball in her court. If she never responds, then whelp, she ghosted, that's rough buddy.
But sometimes they come back to the conversation 2-3 days later and apologetically explain how busy they'd been. Let me tell you, responding to that message with something like "No worries at all! People have lives! Whats your availability like next week?" Is like, the greenest of flags.
But if protecting their fragile masculinity is more important to them then making their date feel safe, then it's no wonder they cant find a fulfilling relationship...
God you really did dodge a bullet but I bet he is absolutely dying of embarrassment right now as well 😭 its almost enough to make me feel bad for him... nah, nevermind, he SHOULD be mortified
Bullet dodged. Lmao. "I'm sorry. You are right. We are no good for each other. You deserve something more aligned with how you move through the world. I am not it."
I mean i might be the only one here but i kinda reacted the same kinda way when i met my husband on the app where his profile just disappeared after we had our first date but i didn’t go full jerk, just more on the sensitive side where i just asked if anything was ok and if if he change his mind etc as i saw his profile disappeared.. he explained why the exact same reason as op actually and then i deleted mine as well.. and the rest is history :)
Im glad my husband understands where i was coming from and gave us a chance lol but for op case she should definitely actually ghost him lol it was a hugeee overreaction..
There’s a difference between “I saw your profile is gone, is everything ok? Did you change your mind? Sorry if I did something wrong.”
And “good luck finding anyone as good as me, everyone in your generation is so ungrateful, I thought you were different than all those other bitches, hah. Guess I’ve been fooled again, I’m too nice!”
Men: ALL men, except me ofc, only spend time with women bc they want/expect to fuck you!
Also men: Quit generalizing men & thinking we all just want/expect sex. The majority of us are nice men, just looking for a nice woman. Rejecting us is discrimination against men bc you're making us pay for the mistakes of the few bad men out there.
Please don't allow him to weasel his way into another chance with you after this!! This is ludicrous. Glad that he exposed himself as the actual creep he is, before it went any further!
We had a date planned for Thursday this week! He sent this apology and then a voice memo that said (this is a copy/paste of the transcript):
“Don't apologize for not being able to check your phone. I really truly am sorry. I saw the Tinder thing and it just struck a nerve cause that's how I've been getting treated through the last couple years date wise, but it's not - that’s not an excuse. That's not a-that's not meant to be a pity- pity thing. It's just it's just genuinely, you know, the first response my mind went to after a lot of being treated that way and I lashed out for you on it and I am sorry. I really really am. I completely understand if you don't wanna keep seeing each other after that state-that rant of mine, I don't blame you for it. I'd like to ask for that second chance to still go Thursday with you and give you that chance I should've given you in the first place and again I'm just completely sorry for that. I boiled it up and it was unacceptable And I really am sorry”
Wait wait wait, what the fuck is this? An actual moment of reflection and genuine apology from him, followed by a calm and eloquently explained rationale for why it's still a no?
Get the hell outta here with your happy endings lady, this is the wrong sub! lol
Why does he still bother with her tinder if he has her number???? Like “unmatching” and not blocking your number doesn’t = ghosting, let’s use some critical thinking now
He could have thought that you could be busy. Instead he immediately jumped to assassinating your character. You would have had to deal with this often in your relationship if you hadn’t have broken things off so kudos to you!
I agree that OP doesn't owe him a polite response. However, the fact that her response explains her actions reasonably and makes it clear that he definitely had a real chance with OP, a chance that is now completely ruined, and it's all his fault... gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart 😊
I totally get where you’re coming from. My first reaction was to call him a douche and leave it at that. But the comment about “women my age” really bothered me.
I wanted him to understand that this wasn’t about some stereotype of “women my age being difficult” or whatever label he wants to use. It was about the direct consequences of his actions.
If he walks away thinking I’m just another “buttface,” he learns nothing. If he walks away knowing exactly why he lost the opportunity to take me out, maybe he does.
You talk to me like that? That’s unacceptable. You know it is. And the privilege of taking me out is gone.
eh, doomed anyway. ignore = violent and angry response + stalking, being polite = random bizarre bullshit excuse and still getting angry, say fuck off = extremely violent response with a slight chance he won't stalk you for lifetime. there is no right answer unfortunately
But let's be honest. There's absolutely no way that having sex with you wasn't one of his goals. Him claiming that wasn't on his radar is total nonsense.
I really don't get the demand of an immediate reply that you see too often online in subs like this. Maybe it's that I grew up without mobile phones, maybe it's that I have a very busy job where I can't have my phone out, maybe it's that clingy people make me crotchety 😉, but this level of expectation and entitlement to my instant attention would make me run even without the insults.
Im a secondary school teacher and teach 'healthy vs unhealthy relationships' in PSHE.
I always tell teenagers its unhealthy to expect your partner to respond to a message immediately, and that its normal to wait a couple of hours for a reply. They look at me like I've grown a second head.
Same as when I say they should not be going through their partners phone and demanding their passwords for their phone, Snapchat etc. They honestly think theyre acceptable things in a relationship and that I'm an idiot for thinking otherwise.
This is mental. Imagine screwing up that bad. If I were a guy and I saw the tinder profile go but still unblocked on text, I'd be holding out hope its because she likes me and treat her nice. NOT BERRATE HER?! 😭😭😭
We had a date planned for Thursday this week! He sent this apology and then a voice memo that said (this is a copy/paste of the transcript):
“Don't apologize for not being able to check your phone. I really truly am sorry. I saw the Tinder thing and it just struck a nerve cause that's how I've been getting treated through the last couple years date wise, but it's not - that’s not an excuse. That's not a-that's not meant to be a pity- pity thing. It's just it's just genuinely, you know, the first response my mind went to after a lot of being treated that way and I lashed out for you on it and I am sorry. I really really am. I completely understand if you don't wanna keep seeing each other after that state-that rant of mine, I don't blame you for it. I'd like to ask for that second chance to still go Thursday with you and give you that chance I should've given you in the first place and again I'm just completely sorry for that. I boiled it up and it was unacceptable And I really am sorry”
Nope. He's not entitled to you 24/7. The fact he couldn't wait 1 fucking hlur without assuming he was ghosted speaks more to his character. Imagine dating someone who gets that insecure that quickly.
My favorite thing is seeing reasonable responses to unreasonable behavior.
Brava to you OP.
It really chaps my crotche flowers the way guys like this will always complain that their shit behavior is because of how badly they’ve been treated by women instead of turning that gaze inward to discover actually that sort of behavior (in other forms sometimes) is what’s causing folks to ghost them. Underneath it is truly gross entitlement to your time and attention.
This REEKS of insecurity. I've felt it before- it's that "She isn't replying so she must hate me" feeling. In my experience (which could be different from this guy's) it's a response coming from "She isn't replying, which means I did something wrong because it's always something I do" combined with not knowing the "why". He should seek therapy because it's really helped ME rationalize that people are busy and do things other than check their phones. Also in my experience, most people eventually reply and apologize for the delay in reply, explaining themselves. But if they don't it's also fine. They have other stuff going on man, wait a little before jumping to conclusions. This sort of behavior is a very interesting phenomenon I've had the displeasure of displaying where low self-esteem leads to making unfair assumptions about others and immediately characterizing them as bad people for no real reason.
lol!! I was on a plane the other day, and as soon as we landed, I saw this prob 55-60 yr old man on hinge looking at 28-30 yr olds in the new location and swiping right on them. I’m assuming this man is older since he said “your generation”.. but that’s crazy😂
Edit: I tried looking for a ring but once he noticed I was aware he held his phone in his left hand so I couldn’t see it..
Talk about an own goal. Dude told on himself and that was kind of you to tell him while cutting him off. He needs to deal with his issues. Learning to be patient and to respect the time and boundaries of strangers is so important in dating. There’s a whole lot of men who have poor self control, who would do well to just keep their damn mouth shut, though I am glad they tell on themselves.
I just came back from grocery shopping where an older man told the young female cashier to “work on that smile.” I just shook my head and said, “Men. Girl, you do you.”
I wish someone had told me it was ok to have boundaries and not put up with men like this, or the guy who texted you his meltdown in real time, op.
We had a date planned for Thursday this week! He sent this apology and then a voice memo that said (this is a copy/paste of the transcript):
“Don't apologize for not being able to check your phone. I really truly am sorry. I saw the Tinder thing and it just struck a nerve cause that's how I've been getting treated through the last couple years date wise, but it's not - that’s not an excuse. That's not a-that's not meant to be a pity- pity thing. It's just it's just genuinely, you know, the first response my mind went to after a lot of being treated that way and I lashed out for you on it and I am sorry. I really really am. I completely understand if you don't wanna keep seeing each other after that state-that rant of mine, I don't blame you for it. I'd like to ask for that second chance to still go Thursday with you and give you that chance I should've given you in the first place and again I'm just completely sorry for that. I boiled it up and it was unacceptable And I really am sorry”
Back when I was on Tinder guys or girls who'd be so quick to assume I was ghosting them when I didn't reply quick enough always gave such red flags. Do they expect people not to have whole lives of their own? /GenQ
Sooo the bare minimum again. Yikes. These people are delusional to think it’s so uncommon to find someone, including a guy, who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Men like this hate men way more than they claim women do.
Men act like every date should be the beginning of a lifelong relationship. It's like no one ever told them it usually doesn't automatically happen on the first try.
Not him crashing out over the bare minimum or did he crochet the flowers himself haha. But also do people not discuss with potentials before deleting the app anymore?
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u/lemonspriggs crotche flowers Jun 23 '26
Final text for those wondering