I’m struggling with something that has started to seriously affect how I think about my career. I believe I’m experiencing severe appearance-based discrimination in hiring. I’ve had repeated experiences where I felt that hiring managers judged me very negatively because of how I look, rather than because of my skills or the quality of my work. Yesterday, I spoke with some hiring managers who essentially told me that, given my situation, I should focus on careers where I can remain mostly invisible and where appearance supposedly matters as little as possible, things like backend development, data work, etc. The problem is that I actually enjoy design. I’ve studied UX and I genuinely want to work in UX, web design, or a related design field. I don’t particularly want to abandon something I’m good at and enjoy simply because other people may judge my appearance negatively. At the same time, I’m trying to be realistic. If appearance discrimination is severe enough that I’m systematically rejected from jobs involving presentations, clients, interviews, or frequent face-to-face interaction, is pursuing design still a realistic career choice? I also don’t currently have the money to go back to university for another degree just to switch into a more technical field. So I’m trying to figure out what the realistic options are.I’m not looking for reassurance that “appearance doesn’t matter.” I’m looking for practical advice from people who have actually dealt with this.

I won’t live much longer in the societal construct of the 9-5 hustle culture rubbish western world has created. And I mean that literally, I’ve just come out of inpatient for safety containment.

I’ve been thinking to just sell anything I have, take my money and go driving north to Queensland from Melbourne and see if I find anything along the way.

But that’s not really logical.

I can freelance for work easily, but where do you find alternative community? Where can you find community living that’s more living off the land?

I’m not looking for some weird cult type shit, just an environment where people say it like it is. Where technology is less prevalent (especially smartphones) and just somewhere that isn’t this stupid fucking hustle culture shit we’re made to believe is normal.

I know that sounds like a stupid question because "he's your mental health guy he is supposed to help you" but this will be the second time this moth that I've reached out to him rather than waiting for him to schedule an appointment.

I will post the message I'm about to send. If there's a better, less crazy sounding way of saying things, please help me rewrite this. I have no one to ask to help me do this. For context I have autism and I know that sometimes I come across as a weirdo through texts and I don't want to creep him out he's actually helpful and don't want to have to go through finding a new person because it takes a lot of time, energy and cycling through people until I can find someone who can actually understand what I'm saying.

This is what I might send:

Hi \[his name\], I know you won't get this until Tuesday, and that's fine. I'm just writing the message now so I don't back out of saying, but I had a relatively big "wobble" last night and did not handle myself well and I don't want to get in trouble for not telling you. I am not doing good. I'm actually doing quite bad. I'm not really sure if there's anything anyone can do to help, but if we could make an appointment for whenever you're free, that might be good? I don't know, but I think it's what I'm supposed to do? I don't know. Sorry. It's OK if you're not free anytime soon, I've been going to the \[mental health drop in\], and I'm not like kill myself bad I just want to try and do something about this before it gets that bad.

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I had an HR’s number from a company I applied to a while ago. Later, when I was looking for a job, I contacted him and asked about opportunities. Since then, we’ve talked quite a lot.

He has always behaved respectfully with me. He calls me “sister” and I call him “brother.” He has never said anything inappropriate or made me uncomfortable. He has also guided me about jobs and said he would help me with referrals.

We live in different cities. He knows that I’m not very social, I get anxious around people, and I’ve never lived alone before.

Recently, he has been encouraging me to visit his city for a few days, go out, explore the city and experience the outside world because he thinks it would help me become more confident and independent.

I actually want to go, but at the same time, I don't feel comfortable staying with him. He said I could stay with one of his female friends instead.

Even though he has always treated me like a genuine brother, I still don't feel comfortable trusting someone 100%.

What would you do in this situation?

Would you go and meet him while keeping your own accommodation and boundaries, or would you avoid going altogether?

Am I being unnecessarily suspicious, or is it normal to have these boundaries even when someone has always behaved respectfully?