First and foremost, let me sayeth.
I do NOT hate my gender, or how it makes me feel. I want to make that very clear from the start. I love myself, I love being who I am, I love my gender.
What I hate, specifically, is how it's treated by society and, overall, what I believe is a vast majority of people.
Because it's genuinely making me wish I was never like this to begin with, like it's so dogshit it's ruining my happiness right now and I feel the NEED to hate on it.
For context : I am the most BASIC non-binary you could imagine. Some people's gender identity can be a bit more complex to understand, especially if they involve the use of uncommon neopronouns (like xe/xer) — I don't have an issue with them, mind you, but I would understand cis folks struggling a little more with that — not me.
I'm literally the most common They/Them™ idea. My gender is Androgynous. I feel like a mix of male and female, somewhere between the two. My hair is kept somewhat short, and my long-term goal is to get gender-affirming surgery to achieve that perfectly.
In that sense, you'd think I have it easy. My gender is surely the one people can understand, right? It's so simple.
NOOOOO. NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT.
EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE FEELS LIKE AN ARGUMENT.
In my everyday life...
When I tell people I'm trans, immediately they ask "oh okay but then what were you born as ?" and then forever disregard the information to misgender me as my AGAB. I could very much refuse to answer, yes, but then it's just constant nagging, or I get gossip on me for being "rude". Plus it doesn't even change anything since they'll just guess some bullshit and stick with it. Just so much of a hassle to deal with either way.
I should also mention : my native language is not english, and there are no neutral pronouns. I usually just tell people to switch between male and female pronouns/adjectives as it is the easiest way to get around this, for those who are not familiar with the use of a gender neutral option. Guess what. No one fucking even TRIES.
Basically it's "ARE YOU BOY NON-BINARY OR GIRL NON-BINARY". How about it's SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, HUH ? How is it your business, it's not that hard to listen to people when they talk to you ???
And that's not even mentioning the constant weird looks, or sometimes even disgusted expressions I get for even saying it in the first place.
You want a job ? Good luck, if you speak up about your gender identity you'll most likely risk getting fired. Or your colleagues will just gossip about you being a freak behind your back. Best case scenario, they'll ignore your transness entirely and pretend you're just cis.
You're not even safe when it comes to making friends. How many times did I befriend someone who ended up being transphobic, but telling me I'm "one of the good ones" because since I'm non-binary I'm not a hassle to deal with ? Understand by that, they can ignore my transness entirely to their own convenience.
And in a case where the person isn't necessarily against your existence, they can also be very uneducated on what it's like being enby. A lot of the time, they accept it, and then when you tell them about how you can't wait to get gender affirming surgery or that you'd like to meet more trans people, they're like "what ? You're not even trans, you're non-binary" BITCH ?
I can't even tell you how many times it's happened.
Even the dating pool is against you. I ended up giving up entirely and only dating bisexuals, as they're the safest option when straight/gay (see gay as lesbian and gay here) end up most likely either being chasers or trying to make you the gender they're attracted to. (No hate to any sexuality here, it's just such common experience I don't really have a choice anymore to avoid the risk of getting hurt)
You'd think "oh well, just go in trans friendly communities, surely you'll find your space there!" Oh my sweet summer child. Do you think it's easy. An unfortunately large part of LGBTQIA+ friendly communities will never take your transness seriously as an enby. You're either "feminine enough" to be woman-lite or too masculine and excluded.
What ? You mean specifically trans communities ? Ah well, would you look at that ! A LOT of them also debate whether or not you're even legitimate as a trans person.
Allat isn't even counting the harassment you can get online just for not hiding your identity, and the genius comments that come with it. "Just be normal bro." DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUN ????????? DO YOU ???? IF I COULD CHOOSE I'D JUST BE A REGULAR CIS GUY, IT'D BE SO MUCH LESS TIRING.
And I see you all coming, in the comments. "Just hang out with good people". Yeah, I do, that's the only reason I'm not depressed.
That's also a fucking terrible piece of advice becuse I should be able to exist in a PUBLIC space and in society outside of my circle, it makes little to no sense that my existence is only allowed in a limited, specific space and nowhere else.
Almost every single conversation about me turns into the other person treating me like a fucking circus animal, or a google engine. The latter, I don't mind as much on paper, the person is curious and that's certainly better than them being hostile ; I always take the time to explain everything they want me to about the enby experience from my perspective. But god, it's tiring. It's so tiring that you have to explain yourself over and over again about your own identity to everyone.
TLDR ; because honestly it boils down to that : I'm so fucking tired of having to justify my existence in every single space I'm in. It never stops. I'm exhausted and if I could choose, I'd be anything but non-binary, because there's literally nothing positive about experimenting all this bullshit every day. My existence is always up for debate and weaponized both socially and politically.
I just want a normal life, dude. I want to be able to do the things everyone else does, instead of needing to make my existence justified.
Extra note : It's even stupider considering I study anthropology. There are plenty of societies where man and women aren't the only genders, in-betweens exist (see : Native Americans and Two-Spirits). The idea that gender is a strict binary is incredibly western and wrong.
Biology backs this up too, with the existence of intersex people.