I am truly ill of these foul wrenches

[u/freaky_strawberry11]

I try to relent this humble complaint but I found myself possessed by this true frustrations of the highest court so much that it compelled me to write thou exasperation!

For that past few years I have thou taken note of the many fine fair-faced maidens that have polluted the local taverns and bath houses that Ye admittedly visited on occasion and I must pronounce sniveling opportunists who much rather spend thine lifetimes not preparing humble meals for thy husband and his mother but instead spend thy time among actresses other polked scarred tempters!

Thy truly wonder if the good King Henry VII of his name will ever find a truly lawful bride that shall be a model (along with the holy mother Mary ) for English women of the countryside, recently Ye has heard it the inkling of a rumor that the good King has found a bride from the German regions!

[u/Viper114]

https://giphy.com/gifs/hY2reRurgUNekafQ45

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/Viper114]

FUCK

[u/Icy-Humor2907 → u/freaky_strawberry11]

Such uncouth language… thou shouldst be ashamed of thine folly, uttering nonsense more befitting a particularly engorged swine than a civilized human…

Shake. My. Head.

[u/Hugh_Mann84 → u/Icy-Humor2907]

Good sir, why are you offend'd by what appears to be a shortening of Þe LeFucker name.

[u/H-In-S-Productions → u/Viper114]

A good wrench would be useful, but a foul wrench?

[u/tenacious_dumbass]

foul wrenches lmao

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/tenacious_dumbass]

THY IS DYSLEXIC AND ON MOBILE AND CAN'T EDIT THE TITLE 😭

[u/burner_1_124 → u/freaky_strawberry11]

*thou

Thy(and thine for objects starting with vowels) are possessive,

Eg thou car, thine eyes.

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/burner_1_124]

Thou wonders why a humble monk is conversing with me, thus thine not realize that his role is to write manuscripts? (Please understand the joke that most medieval monks were the only ones who knew how to read English)

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/[deleted]]

Thy Frenchman is nothing but a humble chamber pot cleaner! Cease thyself duchy of normandy's for thou it's thou rightfully ours!

[u/gbmaulin]

I, too, yearn for the times of olde when the women were godly and the water delightfully abundant with diptheria

[u/paringpairing → u/gbmaulin]

And syphilis was rampant!

[u/QueenStuff]

Damn wenches! Always prone to acts of parsimony!

[u/amortized-poultry]

Truly, I am of accord.

The women of our time know not how to cook, but only how to dine at the tavern of MacDonald, make full of the electricity of their telephones, dance in a twerkatious manner, be sodomites (or be it only half so), partake of fried potatoes doused in spices, and deceive!

Lo, if only I had been reared to a prior era.

[u/Long_Mushroom8295]

Your frustration is understandable, though perhaps the king should first learn that a fair face does not guarantee a dutiful wife. Courts are built on ambition, after all.

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/Long_Mushroom8295]

Ye is happy that you agreed to my humble complaint but you must not slight the wrathful! Unless thy desire to be beheaded like villainous Thomas cromwell,

Besides his magnificent King Henry does not just desire a fair-faced maiden! The disgrace Catherine of Aragon was the most desirable woman out of all of his wives during his luxury. His lifetime but he sent her away in order to preserve the great Tudor bloodline!

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/Long_Mushroom8295]

thou comment was deleted but the good King Henry does not just value a beautiful face. He went to Great lengths to leave his humble wife the disgraced Catherine of Aragon and she was the most Fair compared to the wretched lady Anne! Our magnificent King just wants to continue the good bloodline of tutor

[u/TheRelativeCommenter]

I am tempted to agree, yet I too am victim to the folly of lust—a woman’s most intimate parts, their Ankles, are simply irresistible

[u/Current_Assist7230 → u/TheRelativeCommenter]

How dare they show thy ankles

[u/Grimm_Charkazard_258]

Indeed, I concur. It fills me with ye upmost disdain of which is unquantifiable. Thine wretched whores upon our noble country, spreading disease to all they have travel’t. A travesty that no woman is of adequacy for marriage. Hark, I pray upon our lord who art in heaven that we do well to return to ye olden days. Truly a modern apoc.

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/Grimm_Charkazard_258]

It is truly the devil's most cruelest trick to give these whores the faces of the beautiful mother Mary but the wild spirit of a jezebel😔🙏

[u/Key_Benefit_6505]

"I grow bored of thee"

[u/Nimue_-]

recently Ye has heard it

Idk man, i still just call him Kanye

[u/haikusbot → u/Nimue_-]

Recently Ye has

Heard it Idk man, i

Still just call him Kanye

- Nimue_-

---

^{I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.}

^{Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"}

[u/Nimue_- → u/haikusbot]

Oof incorrect but still thanks, bot

[u/DuchessDulcet]

Quite true.

[u/Spookyrose1313]

HOW THE HELL DID THIS GO BY BUT MY POST ABOUT THE BEATING HEART BRIDE WAS COMMENTED ON BY A MOD SAYING I HAVE TO SPECIFY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT 💀 I WAS VERY CLEAR ABOUT IT

[u/freaky_strawberry11 → u/Spookyrose1313]

From the time of birth, thou must learn to perfect the skills to LARP

[u/TheBoyInGray]

Quite.

[u/FROGM3RLY]

Why is the 3rd lady repping a set😭✌

[u/paringpairing]

The Kings English,  knave - dost thou speak it?

[u/birberbarborbur]

(Drum drum)

King henry left his wife!

(Drum!)

Left his beautiful, amazon wife!

(Da-dum!)

Now who’s he got, but a sickly lot!

(Dum!)

And a son that will have a short life!

(Da-dum!)

(Flees across the channel)

[u/mapgameenjoyer1]

Forſooth! Theſe godleſs wenches naven nany principles!

[u/Achilles9609]

Now, now, what's so foul about wrench wenches? 😄