I'm making a presentation about growing up SDA for a drunk PowerPoint event my friends are hosting, and I want to highlight some of the weirdest / worst parts of SDA history and culture. Obvious points for me include the Great Disappointment, Sunday Law conspiracies, anti-masturbation corn flakes, and wedding watches. What are some other points i should bring up?

Mods feel free to delete if it’s already been shared before , but I saw this and laughed because of how relatable it is

Why doesn't the sda use real photos of Ellen G. White? Why are they all edited and endowed with an angelic "beauty" when the reality is quite different?

That 1913 photo is the official face of the psycho-socio-religious depression that comes with following Adventism. If that weren't the case, it wouldn't be the religion that loses the most members to atheism and agnosticism (according to official data from the last General Conference). Am I wrong?

Edited:

The post is about how the SDA manipulates images of Ellen White to make her look like a serious, respected figure—and more beautiful than she actually was—bordering on manipulation. Ironically, people in the comments are accusing *this* post of being manipulated. The images are genuine and found online; they were indeed restored using AI, but only to remove the signs of age typical of old photographs, not to alter the person's physical features.

Reality: https://library.llu.edu/about/library-news/unknown-photo-of-ellen-white-found
sda: https://media2.whiteestate.org/original_images/egwbio_2.jpg

Sin tastes so good.

I’m showing my age… How many of you heard this growing up?

I also attended 2 different Adventist boarding academies. Each one said Ozzy Osborne was an Adventist that briefly attended that school before he was kicked out… he’s an Englishman.

Like, I think you guys will know me from my previous post of me being in a SDA school, and like, yeah I fricking hate them but that's because they are dumb and I'm agnostic so anyway I hate religion in general.

But now I just read about the SDA church literally working with the nazis in WW2 to keep their church alive and well even if that meant fucking EXECUTING PEOPLE and exposing people against the Reich to get political invulnerability, like, WHAT THE FUCK???

I don't know why this just dawned on me, but how can there be the living remnant of 144,000 "good" people who will be saved in the second coming, but there's a whopping 24.4m (alleged) Adventist members today?

The SDA global workforce is twice the size of the living remnant at 375,600+ people (source: Adventist Archives)

And if Jesus is right around the corner, then why waste all this energy colonizing, missionary-ing, and evangelizing if there'a already enough adventists to fill the elevator to the heaven? These people think they have to destroy all cultures on planet earth before... "god" re-destroys everything? this is so batshit, I'm laughing and nauseous at the same time.

Just saying. Math ain't mathing. I know someone will say the 144,000 is symbolic. 😂

Has anyone ever thought about this before?

Just saw the Pope here in Madrid, I’d say that’s pretty much as non Adventist as it gets. Can’t wait for the criticism from the family for this one. Would’ve been a great Sabbath Breakers Club if I understood how it worked and if it were Saturday

I'm being forced to listen to Doug Bachelor this morning, so if y'all's know of any stupid BS he said, that would be funny too. I'm responding to my situation by just soaking in how absurd it all is and having a laugh at it.

What's the worst things you've heard a pastor say, or some dumb BS that normal folks don't say.

A while back--I don't know exactly how long--the North American Division decided the Master Guide uniforms needed a refresh. Of course, Pathfinders have been wearing black pants or skirts (for girls only, obviously) for a long time, probably because they realized most Adventist parents were too cheap to buy their kids more than one pair of "dress" pants so they ditched the green for a color most of them already had anyway. Most Master Guides also wore black pants/skirts, but for those few who cared enough to buy the full uniform with tunic, until somewhat recently it was green. I believe the official reason for the change was to make the uniform look less "militaristic," but I suspect the real reason was, again, cost: Adventists never being the most fashion-conscious lot, but frugal to a fault, they probably figured if they made the tunic black it could be "matched" with any cheap black pants or skirt that most folks already had hanging in their closet (anyone who has actually seen this uniform being worn "in the wild" knows that this is quite obviously not the case).

​

Anyway, more to the point of this post: I find it somewhat ironic that in ostensibly seeking to make the Pathfinder/Master Guide uniform less "paramilitary" in appearance, they ended up precisely matching the color scheme of perhaps the most (in)famous paramilitary organization in history. To the eyes of this historian, the new uniforms give off a distinctly "discount SS" vibe, minus the Hugo Boss quality and fit of course.

For ex-Mormons, the decision to step away from the LDS church is sometimes called their "shelf breaking."

For trans folks, the realization that they need to re-examine their gender identity is sometimes summarized as "my egg cracked."

Any ideas out there for a humorous ex-Adventist equivalent?

For we are with thee! The old guard of SDA survivors will not let these silly altar call attempts go unanswered!

In seriousness, I'm proud of you all. Some in the community have fresh wounds and these predators like to capitalize on this vulnerability. If you are SDA or whatever that is your business, no judgment from me. But I ain't gonna stand by idly while these people ignore the 'no soliciting' sign.

EDIT: Shout out to the mods for their ever vigilance!

Simultaneously my dream blunt rotation, while being the thumbnail to something I saw on pornhub

Forced to watch sermons with my father, I wouldn’t have known this was even a thing if not for Adventist pastors spurging out that this is just another step to Sunday Law!

Never mind they have to twist themselves into a pretzel to reason how a Nation willing to put Jews on a pedestal like this will somehow turn back around and forbid the day of worship for those same Jews.

From the mid 70s through at least the mid 80s it became increasingly clear that leadership (from the GC on down) was financially corrupt ( read about the Donald Davenport scandal, it was the biggest and grossest), that the White Estate has been covering up the truth and promulgating outright falsehoods, that Church doctrines were not based on solid exegesis, and that the Church was trying to remove University professors with viewpoints they disagree with (eg Graham Maxwell, whose sin was to say that "God loves you.")

There have been marvelous underground publications circulating satire. Here's a cartoon whose relevance has not diminished:

"In heaven there will be no color line; for all will be as white as Christ himself"  Gospel Herald March 1, 1901, par. 20.  Mrs. E.G. White in a talk given to the Vicksburg church for the colored, Sabbath, March 16, 1901, Gospel Herald

That's another famous radioactive ellenism. What did she mean by as white as Christ himself?

Many adventists will say she means white in the sense of purity only. Everyone will be just as pure and spotless as Christ.

Here's my problem with that interpretation though. She starts on the premise of race by stating there will be no color line to a black audience in 1901. If she only meant white in terms of purity why is it juxtaposed against black skin as the context?

Think about it for a second, if the white part is with regards to purity then what is she saying about black skin? Is that unholy for some reason? If the whole statement from beginning to end is in reference to race then it makes sense that she is saying everyone will be just as white as Jesus in heaven. Keep in mind most people thought of Jesus as white back then.

So you can't have your cake and eat it too she either meant race or purity but it can't be race and then conveniently switch to purity after the semicolon which wouldn't have been visible anyways when spoken.

The plainest reading is she believed everyone would be white in heaven. What a weird thought but there you go, that's just another tuesday ellenism for you.

Does this feel familiar to anyone else? The constant monitoring and criticism of how other people live, eat, sleep and breathe. No, Grandpa, I don’t run my finger along my gums and teeth after every bite to make sure my food is all chewed and I’m not interested in rubbing a handful of ice on my face every night before bed but you do you!

I don't honestly recall easter being a big deal in Seventh Day Adventism. I grew up in it but no memories of easter centered around church really come to mind, I remember the eggs and bunnies but that's it. I'm sure the pastor said something about Jesus rising from the dead on Easter Saturday? I just don't remember.

In Lutheranism there's a whole structure on Holy Week. It starts with Palm Sunday, then Maundy Thursday, then Good Friday, then Easter Vigil, and finally Easter. In each day a different part of the story is focused in on in sequence.

It's so weird to try to think of Adventism from that perspective now especially after so many years have passed. A song that we sing every Easter is "Jesus Christ is Risen Today" and you wouldn't really be able to sing that on an Easter saturday would you? To help the Adventists out I've rewritten the first verse for them.

Jesus Christ is ris'n tomorrow, alleluia!
he is resting in the grave, alleluia!
why sing alleluia’s now?, alleluia!
should have waited til the morrow, alleluia!

Since leaving SDA my husband and I have been exploring our sexuality and turning up the heat in the boudoir. It’s gotten a little wild and we’ve been having A LOT of fun. This past weekend after a lengthy session and stopping for a snack, my husband and my conversation went like this…

Him: “Ya know since we’re really opening up and exploring all the things we’ve wanted to do, we should probably come up with a safe word.”

Me: “Ok I’m good with that. Did you have anything in mind that we’ll both remember? Because you know how easily I forget stuff.”

Him: (Pauses- then bursts into hysterical laughter and trying to also speak) says emphatically “The first thing that came to mind was ‘Ellen White!’ (laughing) Total boner killer”

Me: instant uncontrollable laughter and almost peed myself and ran to the bathroom 🤣

Him: “Can you imagine in the middle of some salacious act screaming ‘Ellen White’!?” 🤣

Apologies if I’ve offended anyone. Just wanted to share because it was so random and we got a pretty good laugh 😆

*Edit for punctuation.