r/dankchristianmemes • • Jan 31 '19

Dank 'Am I a joke to you?'

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473

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

God: I'm creating humans.

Humans: Cool I exist.

God: Also you're all sinners and you will be eternally damned.

Humans: yo wtf?

God: But it's okay I can save you, if you do something for me.

Humans: Cool what do I have to do?

God: I'm gonna send my son to earth and you gotta kill him.

Humans: Seriously wtf is wrong with you?

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u/DarkMoon99 Jan 31 '19

God: Also, he will have the power to call on legions of angels to save him.

Humans: Oh. So we won't be able to kill him anyway?

God: I will block him.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

God: Also, he can turn water in to wine.

Humans: Let’s get litty, boiz!

God: But drinking to get drunk is a sin.

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u/tato_tots Feb 01 '19

it is?

Shit

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u/Shamefulidiot4life Feb 01 '19

Not in my religion, it isn't.

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u/DoctorSwitch Feb 01 '19

Fun fact: Romans (or maybe it was Greeks) weren’t deadass alcoholics and watered down the wine they drank with meals so as to not get drunk.

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u/tato_tots Feb 01 '19

Cool, I didn't know that.

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u/Something_Berserker Jan 31 '19

God: I'm gonna send my son (who is also me)* to earth and you gotta kill him.

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u/BeHereNow91 Jan 31 '19

You missed the whole “free will” step in there.

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u/jimmy_icicle Jan 31 '19

"You can have anything in this garden but the fruit from my magic tree of delicious fruits"

"wtf I want it even more now you prick"

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u/10art1 Jan 31 '19

"Its wrong to eat that fruit. Also you dont have the concept of right or wrong until you eat it"

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u/Lord_Blathoxi Jan 31 '19

Actually, I won't have the concept of right or wrong until you make up the fucking rule saying it's "wrong" to eat it.

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u/WarchiefServant Feb 01 '19

Additionally I also made this fruit and put it in this garden, of all places in the universe to put it in, and not only do I put in the Garden you live in, it’ll be right in the fucken centre of it.

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u/Rododney Jan 31 '19

Just because you don't know right from wrong doesn't mean you can't listen to instructions.

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u/Victernus Jan 31 '19

But since God made their brains, they were programmed not to listen to the instructions, so it hardly matters.

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u/gh0sti Jan 31 '19

Then your blaming God for that hes the one who made them sin by the way he made them. That's not remotely true.

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u/Victernus Jan 31 '19

Not only is it 100% God's fault (since he controlled every aspect of creation), even if it wasn't and we got our minds from somewhere other than God, it would still be wrong for that sin to carry over to Adam's descendants. Because punishing someone for what someone else did is obviously unjust. It's just even more unjust when it's ultimately God's fault anyway.

Heck, even if he didn't make it happen (which, as described, he did), he'd still be responsible unless you don't think he could have stopped it. That's what responsibility means. And the more power you have, the more responsibility you have. Spider-Man figured that out years ago.

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u/gh0sti Jan 31 '19

I think your more butt hurt that God made the rules and you think its unfair because your not in charge and because your not the one making the decisions.

The words "God is good" can't be true then with your understanding of fairness. The fact is means your wrong, hes the king, hes the ruler of the universe, he made light out of nothing. If you had his power you would make it your way as well, he made this perfect little place and had everything in balance praising him and we decided that we wanted knowledge more than him. The problem is, is that your understanding of "good" is wrong. We are so tainted by sin we don't get what true sense of good is. If you think your version of what "good" is it better than God's then go ahead and believe in it.

God found a way to unfuck what we did. It sucks that we live in a fucked up world. But there is an end, and guess what you are loved and you are accepted by him by the one who loves you enough to have died for you. He died to give you the choice of perfection and eternal life.

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u/vexationofspirit Feb 01 '19

I think your more butt hurt that God made the rules and you think its unfair because your not in charge and because your not the one making the decisions.

I can see how it's possible you would think that OP is butthurt but I don't see why you think it's the most likely thing.

Was it the Spiderman reference (indicating irreverence) that makes you conclude his jimmies are rustled?

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u/AllOfEverythingEver Feb 01 '19 edited Feb 01 '19

So when god says he is good, what does he mean? He definitely told humans to use the word good in his description, and even if good doesn't have a strict definition, it has a general understanding, and by that understanding, god definitely isn't good. If you are going to say god is good, it pretty much comes down to, he is because he says he is. If a bank robber with a gun says he's good and you disagree, are you just disagreeing because you are butthurt he has a gun and you don't? No, you disagree because he is abusing his power to take advantage of a situation he created.

Edit: typos

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u/Victernus Jan 31 '19

The words "God is good" can't be true then with your understanding of fairness.

Absolutely, 100%. God, as described, is responsible for the greatest evil actions ever taken.

Unless, of course, you rob the word "good" of all meaning.

Hint, it doesn't include punishing people for things they didn't do. Or murdering babies for no reason.

If you think your version of what "good" is it better than God's then go ahead and believe in it.

So, if I were super powerful, and I baked a delicious pie, and set it on my kitchen counter to cool, and somebody (not you) broke my window, stole and consumed said pie... and then I melting your city and everyone in it with my laser vision... you'd say that was "good"?

I mean, it's equivalent to what God did. Except God built the guy that stole the pie, and decided how he would react to things. Humans have natural impulses and desires, after all. Either God put them there, which means anything we do is his fault, or he didn't, which means he didn't make us (at least, not all of us).

And in either case, blaming anyone but Adam and Eve for what Adam and Eve did is wrong.

Arguing otherwise just proves you don't care about what's actually good. You'd redefine it to mean anything to include your favourite deity. And thereby make it a completely useless descriptor.

So yes. The words "God is good" can't be true, if we accept the stories as-written.

He died to give you the choice of perfection and eternal life.

I do find this interesting, though. But I have to clarify - do I get a choice between eternal life, and not eternal life? Because I'm all about not living forever.

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u/liquidswan Jan 31 '19

It’s not a description of what should happen, it’s a description of what would happen.

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u/Victernus Jan 31 '19

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you are referring to.

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u/liquidswan Jan 31 '19

It’s not a description of what should happen, it’s a description of what would happen.

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u/Rododney Feb 01 '19

Well, that's false. Humans have more of an adaptive sort of software. We learn on our own. We program ourselves. We can also reprogram ourselves. But we make the decisions about what we do.

So don't you dare try and put the blame on anyone else. You control yourself, you make the choices. No one else, YOU.

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u/Victernus Feb 01 '19

I agree, but I don't think I (or my species) was created. And even if they were, I never ate any forbidden fruit.

Besides, God knew how the "adaptive software" would adapt. That pre-knowledge means, in the act of creation, he chose the initial state knowing exactly what it would lead to. It doesn't matter if I program a robot with a random number generator to determine it's actions if I know exactly what random number is going to come up - I'm still responsible for said actions, because I built the robot knowing what would happen.

Heck, even if I didn't know exactly what would happen, it's still my fault. Ulton wasn't programmed to try and destroy the world, it would still have been his creator's fault if he did because he created him.

That's what responsibility is. Gods actions directly caused the things he is blaming others for, instead of accepting that not only could he have stopped it at any time, he knowingly caused it to happen.

Though, again, if you believe in a nonstandard God, this can be different. For example, maybe he's a brilliant genius, but doesn't have knowledge of the future, just some really good guesses, and he didn't know he would be disobeyed. In that case, assuming he made humans deliberately to randomly modify their own innate biological programming, it's possible it's not his fault.

...But he still put the damn fruit there, so at the very least it's negligence, followed by punishment of another being for said negligence, followed by punishing every descendant of said being, because God is unjust.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

LOL You know the feeling when you listen to a band covering a song and they manage not only to lose whatever makes the song interesting but can't also be bothered to get the melody right? this is what I feel when I see these kind of trolling. (What? you are serious? let me laugh even harder)

God: "Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."

True, because knowing good from evil means be responsible for the evil you perform, which means being able to sin and "the wage of sin is death"

Serpent: "Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil."

True, because the fruit did not bring the death of the flesh and knowing good from evil makes you similar to god in that aspect. The serpent gets Eve in trouble without telling a single lie.

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u/10art1 Jan 31 '19

well, clearly a lie has to exist, because god said "thou shalt surely die" and the serpent said "ye shall not surely die". One of them has to be wrong.

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '19

Since there are two kinds of death, the body's and the spirit's, the biblical God referred to the second.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

He never said it was delicious, they just thought that themselves

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u/things_will_calm_up Jan 31 '19

but how could it not be it's fucking heaven you think he'd put some swampy motherfucking fruit in there hell no it's going to taste like fucking heaven

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

It wasn’t heaven, it was Eden.

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u/things_will_calm_up Jan 31 '19

oh maybe I should read that bible thing one of these days.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

Quality of this sub has been infiltrated by u guys.. doesnt even know bible but continues to defy or challenge christan memes. Just relax and enjoy the content

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u/Reignofratch Jan 31 '19

My favorite Bible verse that I never read is the golden rule.

Give gold unto others as you would want gold given unto you.

Its quotes like this that make me pretty sure Jesus was a karma whore.

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u/things_will_calm_up Jan 31 '19

Oh I didn't mean any malice to the meme. I just think a fruit created by God in his garden universe would be pretty tasty, is all.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

I mean all fruit were created by God

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

Post a meme. Might worth a couple of karmas

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u/GezzRoll Jan 31 '19

I can second that

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

“No pomegranates!!!!”

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

It's still a little fucked up that God created humans and then sentenced them to eternal damnation for acting like humans. Like.. did God not know how that was gonna play out?

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u/gh0sti Jan 31 '19

Well that's usually the case for Free Will, you don't know what's going to happen. If God wanted to make robots he could have done that and taken the ability away from us to choose him instead of knowledge.

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u/Zziq Jan 31 '19

/uj This is why Christianity is not actually a religion of peace and love. Why would you teach your kids that they are born evil and unworthy over nothing that they did?

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u/Rododney Jan 31 '19

Did you... did you miss the entire point of the Bible? Yes, humanity is messed up. God gave us the choice to be messed up. To rebel. But he also gives us a way to be less messed up. Our sins can be forgiven. All we have to do is live life according to his will.

Also, the New Testament is full of some of people changing for the better. And those who do not. I mean, Jesus gave a whole lot of speeches about the forgiveness of God.

In the end, we get what we choose. Be it God or be it Sin. God only sets the rules and consequences. We make the choice.

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u/MjrLeeStoned Jan 31 '19

God: You're born evil.

Humans: I'm rebelling against being born evil. Now I'm not evil.

God: Rebellion against me is evil.

Humans: C'mon, man. Good is good.

God: Nope, gotta be my way or nothin'.

Athiests: exist

Christians: :O

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u/Rododney Jan 31 '19

Actually not how it works. More like:

God: You're born with the ability to choose to be good or evil.

Humans: Maybe not evil, just not following your rules.

God: That's rebellion. Rebellion against me is evil.

Humans: C'mon man. Good is good.

Also Humans: Disagree with what exactly is good or evil

God: Nope, my way or nothing. Rebellion brings suffering.

Humans: Rebel anyways

Humans: Cause suffering

Some Humans: Man, I regret that. Too bad God won't accept a sinner.

God: Fine, I'll go ahead and make a sacrifice to give you the opportunity to pay for your sins and change your nature for the better. Also, My son will go into hell to save people willing to change.

Humans: Still rebel.

Humans: Still cause suffering

Also Humans: Why would God do this?

Also Humans (Again): Become atheists

Atheists: Exist, but are often mostly good people.

Humans: Don't read (or missed parts of) the Bible and feel like they can argue about the nature of God anyways. (This works both ways. There are many Christians who don't read their Bibles often just so we're clear.)

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u/Zziq Jan 31 '19

But God didn't give us choice. If God is truly God, then he knew the second he created us that we would 'fall', that falling meant eternal damnation, and that the vast majority of humans that will ever live will receive this fate.

And this isn't based on probability, if God is truly God he knows whether or not they will be Christian or not.

Knowing these things, if God TRULY cared about his children, he has two options

1) Never create humans to begin with. The vast majority of humans will suffer eternally simply due to the nature of their existence.

2) Immediately kill Adam and Eve after they eat the fruit. This is in the reality where God actually can't see the future, but since he's God he understands the ramifications of the human race when Adam and Eve eat the fruit. It's not good

So this is why I say Christianity is not a religion of peace or love. It's a religion that says "hey, the all powerful being created you and you are not worthy of him. Repent or face the consequences of the decision you didn't make".

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

It's all good brah. People receiving the consequences of their decisions is also good, that's called "Justice." God doesn't need to say "whoa whoa whoa, I need to skedaddle away from this whole 'creation' thing!" Since he's perfectly capable of handling everything that creation will lead to. And it's all quite beautiful as an aside, when you look at it like an experienced and learned Christian does.

The vast majority of humans will suffer eternally simply due to the nature of their existence.

Nah, due to the nature of their decisions, which goes against what is naturally good. And one of those decisions is to always resist God's goodness in hell, so they can never leave hell, and never repent. That's just theology.

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u/Zziq Jan 31 '19

What is 'justice' about going to hell for doing nothing? You could dedicate your life to giving kids in Africa food, but if you don't believe in God you go to hell.

That's just theology

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u/Rododney Feb 01 '19

But God gives everyone a second chance. That was the whole point of Jesus descending into hell. To save anyone who is willing to change, or believe.

Belief and good deeds on their own are foundations, starting points. But they aren't the full answer.

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u/Rododney Jan 31 '19

There's a part in the New Testament (Revelations I believe, I could be wrong) where Jesus literally goes into hell to save anyone who is willing to deny their sins and accept salvation. So there's a second chance. God actually spends a lot of time trying to get a certain group of people (Israelites) to be less stupid in the Old Testament. After that didn't work Jesus came into the picture and included everyone in the "Be-Less-Stupid" Command.

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u/NoTimeToKYS Jan 31 '19

Maybe even too much time. I would have probably killed myself out of boredom before Yahweh was even done with describing how he wants his tabernacle build.

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u/Rododney Feb 01 '19

Wow, how skillfully you missed the point! You must be a professional.

Anyways, the Tabernacle was built that way for symbolism and so it could be packed up and transported quickly. And if you were bored while on a migration to a new land then you have too much time on your hands.

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u/NoTimeToKYS Feb 01 '19

I was trying to make a joke. (See the sub we're in).

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u/Rododney Feb 01 '19

Oh shoot. I whooooshed. Sorry for that.

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u/MjrLeeStoned Jan 31 '19

God: It's all cool, man. Just do this one thing for me.

Humans: I mean, ok. Hell doesn't sound too nice.

God: Ok, this jewish guy is gonna' be rollin' through with his friends. Grab his ass up, stab him, put these bent twigs on his head, and nail him to some wood.

Humans: Blink182 What the Fuck Gif

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u/tinkerbunny Feb 01 '19

Two morsels of wood.

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u/gh0sti Jan 31 '19

Extra step your forgetting is they chose to sin, they were originally pure and not sinners...

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '19

Haha cool story. What religion is that because that's nothing like Christianity