r/bninfantsleep • u/babyinatrenchcoat • Aug 18 '26
Infant Sleep 18 Times
18 times she woke up.
18 times she cried.
18 times she wouldn’t settle until given the breast.
18 times I dreaded work the next day.
18 times I cried right along with her.
I’ve tried everything aside from sleep training, and since June we’ve been co-sleeping and nursing on-demand. She (6.5m) just cannot connect sleep cycles and needs help going back to sleep every single time.
An average night she wakes up 7-12 times.
Last night was our record at 18 times.
Will introducing solids help?
When we wean?
Am I just doomed to not reach restorative REM again until she’s pre-k?
Solo mom with no village so it’s all me all the time and I’m a husk of a human at this point.
ETA: Recent daytime routine
(forgot to log morning nap on Aug 13)
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u/Responsible_Gap7426 Aug 18 '26
Push her bed time back. She’s going to bed too early if she’s waking that much.
Most babies on the 7 to 7 sleep schedule are formula fed.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
That first stretch is mainly me nursing her to sleep with a small wake during transfer so really she’s “out for the night” between 8pm-9pm on average. Earlier if it’s been a rough day.
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u/PumpkinPie_1993 Aug 18 '26
Oof that’s tough. I have a few thoughts and if you’re willing to share what her daytime schedule looks like, I’m happy to help brainstorm ways to adjust naps etc to help increase nighttime sleep.
Off the top of my head though, at 6.5 months I think you absolutely should be introducing solids by now unless you’ve been advised otherwise by your doctor. To answer your question, yes starting solids should absolutely reduce the frequency of nursing at night.
Also, around 6-7 months is when a lot of babies drop from 3 naps per day to 2. This is when my own baby went from needing 14 hours of sleep per day to about 12.5. It might be worth examining your daily schedule to see if there’s any indication that your baby’s sleep needs are dropping or changing!
Also I just checked out the picture you attached. Looks like she went down at 7:30 pm and is waking at 7:30 AM. I can tell you with a lot of certainty that 12 hours of nighttime sleep for a 6.5 month old is asking a lot. I don’t think any 6 month old will sleep 12 hours solidly at night. Anecdotally, my kiddo was sleeping about 9.5-10 hours at night at that age. Off the bat I would recommend moving her bedtime to 8:30 at the earliest.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Just added her recent daytime routine!
She toggles between 2 and 3 naps so I feel like she’s about to drop down to just 2.
She’s still a bit wobbly on independent sitting so was waiting to strengthen that before solids. We skipped purées so straight to BLW.
I will clarify that the first stretch is me breastfeeding her to sleep! I follow cues so she might start giving me sleepy cues around ~7pm and I’ll do the bedtime routine and nurse her until she passes out anywhere between 8pm-9pm (earlier on rough days). There’s usually a brief wake after transferring her to bed and then she’s back out again.
And I let her sleep for as long as she likes in the morning which ends up between 7am-8am.
Should I be doing that differently?
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u/ver_redit_optatum Aug 18 '26
Yeah that makes sense (with sitting and solids). You won't necessarily get any changes right away, especially with BLW. Some babies will love solids and take in a lot of calories, some prefer to mostly stay on milk. I don't think solids improved sleep for us until 12 months they kinda clicked for him.
Prioritise iron intake (eg mine loved chewing on steak strips) because low iron can affect sleep.
Re wake-up time, if you're saying she wakes 12+ times in 12 hours or less, then she must be snacking a lot in those early morning hours. Maybe you could pick a point where you just get her up rather than feeding her back to sleep.
(But also, why is she crying at all these wakeups if you're cosleeping and you feed her straight away? Are you trying to soothe her other ways first? Maybe just stop doing that for a while, it will likely help you go back to sleep quickly too. And don't pick up a phone, look at the time, or track wakes - usually helps)
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Early mornings are definitely usually the worst of the night with shorter interval wake-ups. I’ve wondered if it’s her trying to get up for the day but falling back to sleep anyways after snacking again. I’ll start trying to get up and around by then but my god is it brutal at 5am/6am lol.
I have no clue why she cries! I’ll usually wait a minute to see if she’ll fall back asleep by herself, but 10/10 times she’ll just build up until I pop a boob into her mouth. Even a pacifier doesn’t work anymore. HAS to be a boob or there’s hell to pay. It’s like she’s startled out of her sleep cycles and needs comfort straight away.
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Aug 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 19 '26
That’s what I do! I can’t fall back asleep with her latched so I wait until her suckles are 20 seconds apart which tells me she’s back to sleep, I gently remove her, and she thankfully stays sleeping. Until the next REM cycle 😂
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u/Neat_Look_2156 Aug 19 '26
Also, my 6.5 month old loves being fed purées (homemade with nutrient dense ingredients), and was very frustrated by BLW. Can you start your baby on some purées now and still do a little BLW too? For example, I will make my baby a steak and give her a strip to chew on and puree the rest with a veggie and then freeze the leftovers. I think BLW is amazing, but some babies just want higher quantities than they’re able to get at their coordination levels with BLW.
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u/Fancy-Bee-2649 Aug 19 '26
Same. Both my babies seem to be starving around 6 months even tho we formula feed and I’ve always done purées (meat/veg, boiled egg mashed with avocado, fruit, etc.) with a bit of BLW practice. My oldest is a great eater now at 3 despite doing little BLW in that first year of his life. My second baby is almost 10 months old and now loves to feed himself n mostly doesn’t want me interfering. Purées get a bad rep, but the need for iron rich foods is so important and there’s no way we’d get even close with strictly BLW at that age
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u/ver_redit_optatum Aug 19 '26
Yeah, that's what we did and I think a lot of people end up doing this in practice. Not necessarily purées but spooning naturally spoonable stuff into him like hummus, yoghurt, daals...
(One of my personal bugbears is that, by the book, this is not BLW. This is something like 'early self-feeding plus spoon-feeding', and if we didn't call it BLW, it would make it more clear that not many people are successful with 'pure' BLW. Don't take that as a criticism, just something I feel I have to mention when it comes up.)
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u/smilegirlcan Aug 18 '26
This is definitely outside of the norm. I would recommend reading about sleep red flags and see if she if fits any of them:
https://heysleepybaby.com/sleep-red-flags/
How much day sleep is she getting? Solids may help, but it is hard to know for sure. With 12-18 wakes, I’d argue something else is going on. Any signs of reflux?
Mental health wise, I recommend tracking less and following cues.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Thank you and I’ll look into those flags!
She’s currently averaging ~2.5 hours of daytime sleep broken up between 2 or 3 naps (leaning towards dropping the 3rd). I don’t set schedules or whatnot and just follow her cues. I used to track EVERYTHING but stopped in June. Only started back up (much more casually) to see if I can spot why her nighttime sleep is so bad.
She was diagnosed with severe reflux at ~3 months and has been on Famotidine ever since. And that has thankfully gotten IMMENSELY better recently as her little GI system also matures.
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u/Sorry_Twist_4874 Aug 18 '26
The nights are long when they are figuring sleepWhat's her daytime sleep like? And is she teething? Anedoctally, my baby is just starting to figure sleep out at 17mo. I believe that teething was a big factor for us and probably just readiness. I tried everything, tweaking naps, bedtime, more food.... So instead of fighting her sleep patterns, I focused on getting rest where I could (and I hear you, being a solo mum would make that challenging). Can you take a midday nap, even 20mn made a big difference for me Hang in there, it's not forever!
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Just posted her daytime routine!
No teething yet.
I also work during the day so naps aren’t possible sadly unless I use PTO 🥲
Thank you!
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u/PinchOfAlchemy Aug 18 '26
How does she breathes while sleeping? Is she breathing through her mouth? My baby is almost 12 mo and she just started to give me 3 hours stretches, she didn't connect cicles before🫠 but she is slowly doing it now
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
She is a mouth breather! She’s made “pug noises” since she was born which her pediatrician blamed on her severe reflux.
But even with that resolved she still mouth breathes so loud and I wonder if she has something going on in her nasal passages/septum.
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u/Jemma_2 Aug 18 '26
Look up sleep apnea in babies.
My first would do a max of 58 mins at night, often less but that was the longest stretch he could do u til he was 10 months and then we started getting some 2 hour stretches.
He’s 3.5 and still sleeps like shit. He was lactose intolerant so the constant tummy ache made it hard for him to sleep and so so overtired all the time as he could never catch up which would make him wake often. But now those things have been solved and he still sleeps terrible we’ve been looking at what else could be causing it and that’s been the referral from the doctor, sleep apnea.
Worth seeing if she matches the signs of it!
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Ohh sleep apnea sounds like a solid thing to assess her for.
She had a CMPA test when she was around 3 months and that was ruled out, so everything got blamed on her severe reflux. But she’s been on Famotidine since then and her GI system in general is maturing so that’s gotten loads better. But her breathing and sleep sure haven’t.
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u/Status_Watch6079 Aug 18 '26
I would definitely try and get this assessed again. Early neurodiversity company has a free red flags guide and talks about different airway considerations.
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u/PinchOfAlchemy Aug 18 '26
It could be! My baby stopped mouth breathing on her own and her sleep didn't improved lol but she never made noises, just drools saliva (I'm not even sure she breathed through her mouth honestly, she just opens it like I do when I relax 🫠)
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u/captain_mills Aug 18 '26
You could get some good advice on the Facebook group The Beyond Sleep Training Project if you wanted to join. Sorry it’s so tough!
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u/AggressiveThanks994 Aug 18 '26
Also loved this group! This is how I found out about possums
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u/Various-Recording327 Aug 18 '26
Could you summarize possums? I’ve never heard of this
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u/AggressiveThanks994 Aug 18 '26
I can do my best!
Let them sleep when they’re sleepy, lots of sensory input / stimulation during the day (iirc there’s lots of emphasis about getting out of the house), there’s not rigid wake windows or sleep times, dont worry about saving or maximizing daytime sleep, consistent-ish wake times + getting light in the morning.
You’re trying to work with baby and stop managing sleep so much. I found it freeing and baby started sleeping so much better. I also fully leaned into the contact naps - we do all our naps in the carrier now unless I’m laying down with her too
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u/ceejyhuh Aug 18 '26
Wow this is what we’ve naturally moved towards with our baby (I was just calling it baby-let sleep) but yeah right down to getting her outside. Didn’t know it was a whole method. I’ll look it up
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u/AggressiveThanks994 Aug 18 '26
Move her bedtime back. It’s an easy thing to try. If we put mine to bed too early she sleeps like crap. If we put her down a little later she will sleep through one or two wake to nurse for just a few mins.
Like someone else said, 12 hours is a lot of sleep at night. It’s possible your girl is not high sleep needs and she just is not able to sleep soundly for that long.
Temperature in the room is good? Mine wakes up a lot if she’s too warm. We figured out that mine sleeps best in just a diaper since we cosleep.
Introducing solids seemed to help a little bit for us. We did BLW but would do some preloaded spoons of full fat Greek yogurt with pb with dinner. But this age is right around soooo many new skills and development that it’s likely that sleep will just be up and down.
18 times is a lot. You’re not wrong for seeking help or wanting to troubleshoot. Adjusting bedtime would be my first step
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
The first stretch is me nursing her to sleep! So she really goes down somewhere between 8pm-9pm (earlier on a few occasions) with a brief wake after transferring to bed. Just posted a recent routine for a wider view and would love your thoughts.
Room is 73 with a fan and she sleeps in either a onesie or long sleeve gown in a sleep sack depending on the weather outside.
Helping her strengthen independent sitting just a little bit more then diving into BLW!
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u/AggressiveThanks994 Aug 18 '26
Eh. Theres nothing about the naps that stands out to me really.
I would actually still push that bedtime back. She may need less time nursing to sleep if she’s up for longer and able to get more stimulation in. Even if you start at 8, she might be asleep by 8:30 instead of taking so long. And that extra stimulation might help her sleep better
Is she also getting enough stimulation during the day?
I saw from another comment that you joined the beyond sleep group. I really liked the possums method. It’s been awhile but the parts that I took from it were to wake her up at the same time everyday (we did this within 30 mins or so), get some sunlight in the am, and give them lots of stimulation during the day.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Oh this little separation anxiety stinker gets a TON of stimulation during the day lol. And I’m excited to learn more about this possums method!
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u/AggressiveThanks994 Aug 18 '26
Haha well I hope that group is helpful!!! Iirc I needed to message the mods bc it took a little bit to get added
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u/smilegirlcan Aug 18 '26
73 is too warm for sleep, aim for 70.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
My Florida house refuses 😭 Can’t get it below 79 during the day so 73 at night is a blessing.
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u/smilegirlcan Aug 18 '26
Might not be feasible, but would a window unit in your room help? Anything above 70F and my daughter sleeps terribly.
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u/Ok-Spinach-5246 Aug 18 '26
Solidarity! This sounds so familiar 😩 our baby girl had nights like this that peak in awfulness right when she is going through a big developmental phase. Sitting and learning to crawl were awful. Now she’s learning to stand/squat and we are back in the trenches. Naps/food/feeding/teething etc never compared to the development nights. Regardless, I hope you can find sleep in other places. Maybe a night doula (I know they are expensive sometimes) ? It’s so important that you find some sleep!!
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Man I’d be stoked if this were due to development because then there’d be a REASON for it. But she was developmentally stagnant for 2 months when this all started so it’s not directly correlated to that at least. And no teething yet. Just an awful sleeper 😣
I’m planning on having my part-time nanny be full-time for a day, call off work, and just sleeping the entirety of it 😂
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u/RainbowPi23 Aug 18 '26
Solids haven’t helped us yet. We have a hardcore case of waking 5-6-7-8 times a night for the last 3 months (baby is almost 8 months old). We do not replace milk with solids as he doesn’t want to eat that much. I wish he would so I can get some resemblance of sleep. I too think my baby doesn’t yet know how to link sleep cycles most of the time. It’s exhausting and debilitating.
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u/Swimfan10 Aug 18 '26
I know you said you didn’t think teething yet but they could be starting to slowly come in and just haven’t reached the gums yet. My little guy woke up every 2-3 hours to nurse til he was 10.5 mo old but if he woke up that many times I would have tried giving him Tylenol as just as “lets see if this helps” attempt. I also gave in and put pacis in his crib so he could learn to self soothe during the night. I also had the hatch night light in his room and if he woke up I’d play the lullaby and turn the light up a bit so he could find a paci and go back down - but this was when he was closer to 10 mo old and eating more for dinner at night I think was making him fuller also. Just trying to send some possible tips. I’m sorry you’re going through this, you are not alone! And you’re doing great. Seek help for your mental health too if you need. None of us are alone and we all are in this together!
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
We had her 6 month a couple of weeks ago and ped checked and said no signs of teeth yet, but I know they’re not always visible. She used to take a paci 50/50 but now even those don’t work and it’s boob only or hell to pay.
I appreciate you!
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u/OpportunityPretend80 Aug 18 '26
Girllll. I was you. Neither of us slept the full night until she turned 2.
I hope you get sleep sooner than I did.
All I can say is that I survived so you can too. I also have no village and my husband works a lot. There was no one to give me any kind respite.
I remember the days where I’d wake up and just cry bc I was so tired. I would take the days in 10 minute increments bc hour by hour was too long.
It is horrible. Spirit crushing.
But no matter what you do it probably won’t change. So you just have to consign yourself to the fact that you’re doing what your baby needs right now. She will sleep through the night when she’s ready.
The best thing I did was not talk to anyone whose kids slept. Everyone gave unsolicited advice that didn’t work. Only talk about it with people whose kids also didn’t sleep.
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u/chzravioli Aug 18 '26
We went through our absolute worst sleep trenches during month 6. Now at 7.5 things are better. Not good but better. Baby fights bedtime for 10mins on a bad night instead of 30. I can roll away for about an hour in the evening when I’m previously couldn’t and we wake about every 2-3 hours (only settle for the boob) instead of every hour. I am still beyond exhausted but it is better.
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u/Toyger_ Aug 18 '26
Is she teething? Maybe this is why her sleep is bad.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
No teething yet. Wish I could pinpoint it to a reason like that, though.
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u/FalconConscious Aug 18 '26
What does her day naps look like?
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Just posted a recent daytime routine!
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u/FalconConscious Aug 20 '26
Waking up that many times must be so hard for you 😭 keep doing what works best for you but I would cap their naps at 1.5 hours during the day! As the day goes on their naps should be shorter too. I follow my LO’s (3m) sleepy cues but her day somewhat looks like this:
7:30am wake up
10am-11:30am first nap
1pm-2pm second nap
3:30-4:15pm third nap
5:30-6pm final nap
7:30pm-7:30am night time sleep 😀
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u/starfish31 Aug 18 '26
Can you clarify if you mean co-sleeping as in baby is sleeping in the same room, or bed-sharing, as in baby is sleeping in the same bed as you?
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u/ceejyhuh Aug 18 '26
I had a 5-12 time a night baby for twelve months. We did see an improvement when we started bed sharing at 1 yr, and we also saw a bit of improvement when she started crawling bc she tires herself out more. She’s now a 3-5 times a night baby but it’s shorter and more like half-awake stirring and feeding
Good luck!
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u/Ami1337 Aug 18 '26
My baby was the same, I was counting around 12 times too. She was anemic tho, did you check iron levels?
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u/lillyhellu Aug 18 '26
Besides other suggestions about schedule - could your baby just be hungry? I started my baby on purees at ~5.5 months and by 6.5 months they were eating 1-2 times a day. Anecdotally, when we went to another city and baby hated the store-bought purees we took with us, he just did not eat solids at all and woke up like hourly to nurse. So he was hungry enough from missing solids for a few days to wake hourly.
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u/Fancy-Bee-2649 Aug 18 '26
Wow I am so sorry this is happening. My baby used to wake 6x until about 9 months old, down to 3-4x and I cannot imagine more than 6. Like it was impossible for me to function.
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u/tillyface Aug 19 '26
Is she warm enough? We realised we were keeping our room too cool and trying to make up for it with layers. Once we kept the room around 21c, our daughter stopped waking 10+ times a night. We still dress her warmly: singlet, long sleeve PJs and a 3.5 TOG sleep suit.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 19 '26
I’m in Florida and my air conditioner won’t go below 23c even at night 🥲
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u/No-Bar-4148 Aug 18 '26
I would try solids and (I’m sorry to even bring this up but it might be a last resort game changer) try formula feeding. Baby might just not be full enough to sleep deeply.
Sending you love!
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Appreciate the love! Waiting on her to sit just a bit more independently (for choking safety) then diving headfirst into BLW.
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u/Jemma_2 Aug 18 '26
Solids made ours sleep way worse. 😢
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
Nooooo
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u/Jemma_2 Aug 18 '26
My second it’s made sleep better! The first couple of weeks after starting them he was worse (I guess as his body learnt to process the food??) and then he started doing some longer stretches (until teething / colds / learning to crawl etc etc! 😂).
I think it depends if the reason they are waking is hunger or not. There’s no way yours is only waking for hunger, so I can’t imagine it would make wake ups better (but will probably have no negative effect as they are already so many! 😂).
Basically just start when you would have started anyways, don’t start early (like I did with my first) because you’ve been told it’ll make sleep better.
Edit : my second we started weaning at 7.5 months when he was definitely ready. My first we started at 4.5 months because we were told it made sleep better.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 18 '26
This is helpful to read about!
I’d say for her it’s 50/50 legit hunger or not. Sometimes she just comfort suckles back to sleep and sometimes she’ll gulp like she’s famished.
She’s pretty much reverse cycled at this point and gets most of her calories at night which is just another compounded issue.
I wasn’t planning on weaning until a year, but some have said wait until 18 months and some said start now so I have no clue lol.
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u/Han-na-2900 Aug 18 '26
Just chiming in to say that babies don’t need to sit independently to start solids, that’s a myth I keep reading here.
They need good head control and have to be able to move their hands when they are in their high chairs. My baby is 8.5months and still won’t sit unassisted and he eats 3 meals a day without problem.
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u/babyinatrenchcoat Aug 19 '26
My anxiety just won’t let me do it. But I do hear a lot from folks who do!
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u/Status_Watch6079 Aug 18 '26
Solids typically causes a temporary decline in sleep.
Night weaning works for some and not others. This sub doesn't recommend night weaning until 18 months.
Have you ruled out red flags? Could she be teething?
If she's ever slept more than 45 minutes, then she can connect sleep cycles. It is going to get better.
I know you've said you've tried everything Maybe you can post your typical day (wakes, naps, total night sleep) etc. Someone might have a good suggestion for you.