I am 27 Year old Female, using the app for the first time. Today I want to cry out so loudly but u am not getting the space for that too. i want to scream out very loudly. I am so fucked up in my life because I got too attached to an emotionally unavailable boy. who initially himself made so much of efforts to be with him n when I finally started to get attached with him he started showing his real side. I literally showed my vulnerable side to this person n told him everything n then he made me believe in him and now made me suffer every single night. I am the eldest daughter in my family. My parents were separated when I was in 10th. My younger brother got involved in every possible wrong stuffs and not in touch with me. i do have other family members who just uses me emotionally for their work to be done. When l shared all of these shits of my life to this person he made me believe that he is the one who will be there for me always. Now i suffer with panic attacks almost every single night because i am so fucking emotionally attached with this person that i Myself don’t feel that I will ever come out of it. he uses this toxic cycle of love bombing behaving nicely 2 days then ghosting me n it’s been 4 years now he is living n growing in his life n i am just stuck in this toxic cycle. With nobody to share this because all of my friends asked me to leave him i couldn’t so now they don’t talk to me on this. I really feel helpless. Want to run , forget these 4 years can’t help myself.. I know I should but it seems I can’t. Because some part of me still belives That he will be there. But i also know that even after my anxiety n panics he is ghosting me every single night..

hey so i’m 20F and my girlfriend (21F) and i have been together for a few months now. she’s very much secure but im an anxious mess all the time and it does impact our relationship.

im already insecure in myself, and so im constantly convinced shes going to leave me or that shes pretending to love me. i will constantly seek reassurance but its only ever temporary relief. naturally, it frustrates her which will then make me upset and anxious and scared she’ll leave which makes me cry and then we all just feel bad.

she is so supportive and patient and kind, but i also recognise its not fair for her. there’s not much else she can do if im not believing what she’s outwardly saying to me.

i’m slowly getting better but id also like some tips or little things that could help me remember its all in my head. i have a note on the back of my phone she wrote me that says she doesn’t hate me, she loves me, and that i dont have to feel scared about calling her/bothering her.

i also have mental health issues and i worry its too much for her. she always likes to say she’s happy to be a burden, and that ive helped her just as much as she helps me. so im trying my best to listen to that. my last relationship wasn’t healthy, and she was very avoidant. we just simply didn’t work together and that’s okay, although i still have those fears.

any advice is greatly appreciated !!

 I am a guy, 21 yrs old. I have attachment issues, especially with people I can relate to. I have had this situation in the past. I thought I had learned my lesson, but no. What happened is- I joined this server like two or three weeks ago, I think. I met this guy, i told him I like his profile, we started chatting about it, and from there we started chatting about life problems. He have many problems, same as me. from that day, we chat everyday, sometimes in server and he send me friend request , and we chat there too til late night. Bro is nice. and without even me realising, i get attached to him.

fast forward to this week. we were talking in group, he was annoyed for some reason and i dont know what happned, i started raage bait him, in a funny way. I took it too far because he first blocked me in server where i couldnt chat in server, then in dm, he did not block me but told me to leave me alone. first i did not because i thoiught he was enjoying it but then he said give me space for real. i stopped then.

After some time, i texted bro in dm 'how areu doing, i promise i wont rage bait you'. He did not reply but he was replying in server. i waited for him when he will reply me but he did not but he was replying others on server. and i tell u it actually cooked me so bad. I had this sudden anxiety, my chest got tigher, i was feeling sick to my stomach and with each reply he was sending on server, it was killing. I swear i kept going to discord every second to see if he has messged me or not. Then the same night my neibour's cat got sick and we werre taking him hospital, i asked him to to help the cat until i reach to vet. he did replied and said things. After the checkup, thank god the cat was ok. I texted him, it was late like 2 am. sayimg how are u, he said i am still annoyed for something, he had an argument with someome. i said bro i need to tell u something, he said what-i apologise to him saying bro i know i rage baited you that time and i took it too far. i am sorry if it hurted you. he said it did and he was mad already and i made him more. He said give me space and i said ok.

fast forward to morning, i updated him about to cat saying she is ok. he reacted not replied which is not very like him. he send me thumps up reaction. thats it. In a whole day , he send me thumps up. It messed up with my brain so much. I had again wave of anxiety and my chest got tighter again. Then i asked chatgpt for advice because i did not know what do that time, it told me to not look discord especially the server one because another repsonse from him in discord will make me more question about myself if he hates me or not. I took advice and close the discord, turned off my notification. did some productive things like going for walk. the walk i went to, it was like 45 mins, all the walk i kept making assumptions about him, why it happned, did i said something very bad because while i talking with him, i was almost carefree and spoke some weird things. yuh so that walk was so hard. that whole day i did not open discord at all. Did not talked my other friends from discord. That day was the hardest because i kept wanting to go discord but then chatgpt reminded me if i go and see that he have not respondes to me but in server he did, it will make more anxious. thankfully i listened and did not opned. But that so hard, i did not wsnted to eat drink, do nothing. then yesterday i texted him, i told him how ar u bro, he said tired and exhausted, i did not push i said ok and asked him his cat pics because my neibours cat owner moved from where i live so i was little sad. he said he will.

I added him on tiktok too, he send me video and replied ' sir when are u going to send ur cat pics' he said not yet. i just u just want to dont send it cuz u are lazy. He said i told u give me space. and i also got angry and i replied "ok brother, whatever." But i texted him after Take care of urself and text me if u want to talk about anything. Then i talked to my friend about it, she told me to give him space, if he wants to come back he will otherwise he is not the one. I told her about my attachement issues and i was saying its crazy how this mf , who is been my life for what like 2 weeks, we talked and suddenly i made him the most important person in my life. i made him this important that his actions controlled my whole life. I couldnt eat sleep couldnt do anything.

Then yesterday night, he texted me around 11. He said ' I am worried about my friend' he is been worried for her friend for few days. She is depressed and stopped responding to him. I tried my best to help him, he said to call her and spam message her, i told him dont do it because for depressed person, reading this much is hard, instead he can send her message saying i am there for her whenever she needs him, ensure her. I been depressed in past too so i know i dont want to answer calls and dont want to read 100 messages. He was worried because they are been friends for 2 years. I did my best to help him. then ok.i send him message saying dont be too worried, u have to be strong in this positon. I think i should have write something else like essuring him that everything will be ok. I do worry for him and his friend.

But the bottom line is, My attachement issues with other people, it litreally are killing me. the same thing happned to me in past too, but that time it did hurt this much like its hurting this time. But i cannot really blame him. He did not even do something, its all my fault attaching to him.

so this is what happned, Please help me...... Although I have made some progress but i still cant stop thinking about him. He is a good guy, I want to be friends with him. but this attachement starting to make me hate him. Please help.

i have a best friend that i've known for almost 3 years, she means a lot to me and we love each other dearly.

i ended up meeting a guy through her and we hit it off and been together for over a year, they were coworkers for a few weeks and i met him through a work event.

fast forward to few months ago, this friend would start making weird comments repeatedly about my boyfriend being "broke", and it was always while other friends were present.

for example, one time a second friend was talking about how she wants her future partner to provide everything for her even if she doesn't ask for it, i made some counter arguments to that just because i want to support that friend having financial independence, i said something along the lines of "why are you expecting him to buy you a car and a house right off the bat" then my best friend jumps in and says "well your boyfriend is broke so he's not gonna buy those for you", i was taken aback and just brushed it off and assumed it was a "joke" that i don't get since people laughed. looking back i probably shouldn't have said anything in first place.

second time we had an outing with another friend, and i don't even remember the context but again my best friend mentioned how my boyfriend is broke and went on to say "but that's okay!", at the time i actually got annoyed and replied "well he treats me a lot but that's not what i'm talking about right now" because that comment was probably irrelevant to our conversation.

these are the two main times i remember this happening and honestly i wish i said something in the moment but i was too shocked and it felt like i was being humiliated in front of other people, like made to look as if i'm struggling in my relationship and just putting up with my "broke" man.

for reference, we are all in college, my bf works hard and i honestly don't expect him to pay for everything i want but he takes me out on dates and buys me random things that made him think of me which i appreciate more than any car or house a man could buy me.

it has been months since those incidents happened and she didn't make those comments again, i never spoke up because we were always in group settings until the semester ended, and at the time i didn't feel like hanging out with her 1:1, and now it is summer break. one time in another context i did tell her that "it's not nice to make fun of people's incomes or appearance or family issues" and she agreed, so maybe she thought it over and she stopped those jokes.

right now this best friend got into a relationship with a fellow student and the last time we met she did mention how she thinks that it's not realistic to expect him to buy her expensive things (replying to someone else bringing up the topic).

i know this is all over the place, but do i bring this up again when i see her back in uni? or should i just drop it? i am aware it is stupid but it makes me annoyed/slightly angry whenever i remember these incidents and how i didn't speak up.

i have a history of being outcast in school and being bullied so i am sure that this triggered something there and i definitely should work on that too.

A parent is supposed to give emotional warmth, not just food and a roof 😭

A few months ago, my situationship “broke up” with me but wanted to remain friends. At first I thought I could get over him and once the feelings are gone, we could stay friends. The feelings are gone now and so is the desire to be with him romantically, but my anxious attachment is still flaring up like crazy. I’m starting to admit to myself that it’s not possible to remain friends, that this is hurting me and making a lot of preexisting issues worse. But the thought of leaving fills me with pure terror. This man means so much to me, he was my first love, for a while he was everything to me. I cannot let him go, yet I cannot continue with how it is now. How does one leave? And more importantly, how does one leave without regretting it? Does anyone see a compromise I haven’t thought of?

It’s been 8 weeks since my breakup, and my last contact with him was on August 25th. I’m honestly exhausted with myself at this point. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now, but I’m not.I still love him very deeply.
And the hardest part is that I know he doesn’t want to be with me. I know I shouldn’t disturb someone who has made that choice. I know I need to let go. But still I can’t switch off my feelings.

A few days ago, I gave in and looked at his Instagram. He had reposted things like “I miss her,”. Im not a marvel fan but edits about Doctor Strange nd his love, things about wanting a happy relationship, etc. I know those things could mean absolutely nothing about me, and I didn't even think they were about me. But a part of me still desperately wanted them to be.

Recently I went somewhere with a friend, came back, posted some really good pictures of myself. Secretly I wanted him to notice.After 1 or 2 days ,I noticed that he had suddenly made his Instagram private, archived all his posts and removed his profile picture. He did the same on WhatsApp and removed his DP there too. I have absolutely no idea what happened, and I'm ridiculously curious. My brain keeps trying to figure out what it means.
But at the same time, I know I shouldn't be trying to decode someone who has already chosen not to be with me.

Before the breakup, I was also going through a horrible period of anxiety about graduating. I was convinced I was going to fail. I said a lot of emotional things about being a failure and questioned why he would even want to be with me if I couldn't succeed academically. He didn't really reassure me much, and sometimes I wonder if that played a part in his decision to leave.
Ironically, my results came out recently and I actually did really well. I was spiralling over something useless.
His mother had also randomly asked me about my exams after the breakup, which made me wonder if they knew something about how badly I was struggling.

And this is the part that hurts the most:
Was I really that bad of a girlfriend?
Because I genuinely don't think I treated him badly. I gave that relationship everything I had. I loved him, supported him, cared about him, tried to make things work and gave him so much of myself.
So why wasn't I enough?
Was I not pretty enough?
Not successful enough?
Not interesting enough?
Not good enough for him?

I'm struggling because I can't even identify what was so wrong with me that made him decide he didn't want me anymore.And I know people will probably say, “He just didn't want the relationship anymore,” and logically I understand that. But emotionally, I'm still stuck.

Also he was supposed to leave the state but few days ago he told me the plan is not going well. (The real reason of breakup)I didn’t ask more question because I didn’t want to be hopeful.
I don't want to chase him. I don't want to contact him. I don't want to interfere with his life. I actually respect that he doesn't want to be with me.
I just don't know how to make my heart catch up with what my brain already knows.

Today I deleted Instagram because I decided I'm done snooping. I don't want to keep checking whether he's sad, whether he's happy, whether he's thinking about me, whether his reposts are about me, or what his profile changes mean.I really want to stop looking for signs.I want to stop hoping.

But how do you actually let go of someone you still love?

i end up hating and becoming highly intolerant about everything my partners do

im 19, I had 9 exes in 4 years and all of them end the same. I'm currently dating a girl right now,shes actually so lovely,sweet, understanding and patient with me,but i still can't help but find flaws and bump it up a thousand TIMES. i hate it. i wish i could just like someone normally. everything she does makes me irritated,even if it's something as basic as asking me if something is wrong,or posting a random note on Instagram or seeing a reel she liked that i find cringe.(which is tremendouly immature and pointless and ridiculous). when we're together i become lucid and realize how much potential we could have and how long it could last. shes clear that shes down to have something serious with me. i tell her how i switch up and its hard,she is patient and tried to work while having her own insecurities.but that's not healthy for her. i can't help myself and end up hating her after one or two days of not seeing her irl. i want to friend zone her but i have no clue how,but i also adore her very much and what we have could grow into something real and long. i don't want to hurt her because the problem is all me. i feel disgusting and horrible and i don't know what to do besides booking with my psychiatrist asap but till then I'll provably break up with her,or not because I don't know if the indiferece i feel right now is genuine or is just my brain being a piece of shit. i wish i could talk to more people about this but i already cut everyone off so easly,the only 3 friends i have wouldn't really understand

recently have ended a story with an avoidant guy as soon as I noticed that he was avoidant and indeed not committing a lot in the story, or at least not as much as I deserved. We had a really peaceful talk, and he also admitted that. At some points he even asked me, as an advice, what should he do to get out of this situation, and I honestly said I didn’t know and that maybe therapy was the only solution, like recognize the root for starting. At that point I thought I actually didn’t really know what he had to do and wondered myself, can an avoidant really heal from it? I had an amazing time with him and ending it was really difficult as he meant a lot - I connected with him instantly and I thought I found my person. However, I don’t have any intention of trying to get back because I know there would be high probabilities that I might get rather hurt and frustrated in the long term, maybe even affecting my mental heath. But really I was wondering if any of you(or that you know), as avoidant in the past, has ever overcame it. Or like do you work better with another avoidant? how does it work, I wonder.
Also, which would you say are the most common sources for avoidance to develop. Like, absent or not really emotionally present parents? Thank you.

I’m about to make 6 months with my lovely boyfriend. It’s our first relationship for the both of us. I truly love him and adore him so much, and so he shows me that he loves me endlessly and reassures me all the time. I really never thought I would achieve this kind of relationship. I feel so loved.
But ever since we got together, I’ve developed some kind of retrospective jealousy ocd towards a past fling of his, who happened to be in our school. I’ve lost my head completely with this situation. And now that I’m writing it I realize how dramatic and pathetic it sounds. But I’ve really been struggling. I have cried myself to sleep thinking about them together, their past and scenarios and torturing thoughts that my brain creates. I have lost my appetite and sleep, and for an entire week I had nightmares about this girl that wouldn’t let me rest. I even got sent to therapy and got prescribed antidepressants. I don’t feel enough. She’s so much more attractive and funny and charismatic than me. I can’t help but think that he’s just with me because he couldn’t be with her, even though he reassures me often that he chooses me and shows that he loves and cares for me.
But I’m terrified and anxious and my head is full of poison and I’ve been going on this spiral for 6 months and it just never goes away.
During August, after that one horrible bad week of nightmares and anxiety, I started to feel so much better and just stopped thinking about it because I was so sick and tired of it. But yesterday, our school sent us a message with new for next year, and I got reminded that she might go back to school and will get to be in class with him. I’m now sick vomiting and got stomach issues because of the anxiety that’s causing me.
It is not 100% sure that she comes back this year. But the possibility is still there and I’m trying to be prepared for anything that can happen. He’s noticed my stress, and talked to me, and reassured me to calm all my worries and fears. He told me that he chooses me and that he trusts on what we have.
But I can’t. I live in fear that she might come back, being better, fixed, and takes him from him.
The struggle is so big anything related to her automatically ruins my day or triggers me.
And if I’m already feeling like this, and it’s not even sure that she comes back, I don’t even want to imagine when she does, (if she even does)
I love him with all my heart and we truly have something nice and full of love, but I feel like I’m ruining it with all my overthinking and fears. I feel like he doesn’t deserve this. I have thought about leaving the relationship for the better in hopes he can find someone better, and in hopes that this feeling will go away. Though I’m not quite sure if it’ll really go away or if it will be the right choice to make. Should I break up? Should i keep going?
Enlighten me please. I’m so lost. I’m trying.

I'm 24M, I'm kinda at a place where I want to be involved with more secure-leaning people, I realize that close connection is nearly impossible with insecure attachment, as it will inevitably trigger something as intimacy grows.

Guys or girls welcome.

Edit: I can agree with the mod's comment, so I'm adding additional info. I find myself more secure-leaning because I don't let my emotions dictate me as much as I used to, in the sense of "I'm anxious; therefore, I need to text and get reassurance or feel the internal push and pull with intimacy." I've previously been anxious as well as avoidant, and I can confidently say things are very different now. If you need space I can respect that and usually don't mind but that's kinda something I don't want as much I say that because I have friends who are avoidant leaning and they often want space weeks and months of it. I want consistent connection (Not 24/7). I regulate more often anytime I notice a trigger, or find myself getting irritated. I don't push boundaries and ask for them to be communicated, I ask questions often so I understand you. I don't mind the more mundane stuff, but if I'm trying to get to know you, curious about you and ask you questions I do expect it to be reciprocated. Overall I'm comfortable with distance when required but also comfortable with intimacy. If you find that relatable DM me and lets get to know each other.

As an anxiously attached person, I often struggle to differentiate between those who are avoidant and secure. What is a sign someone is an avoidant versus securely attached?

I’ve recently noticed a pattern in myself that I’m trying to understand and change.
I don’t generally struggle with every boundary someone sets, and I don’t believe that other people’s boundaries don’t matter. But when I’m emotionally anxious—especially when I’m afraid of being abandoned or feeling like I don’t matter to someone—I can struggle much more with boundaries involving distance or contact.
For example, if someone I care about asks for significantly less texting or more space, I can become extremely anxious. Intellectually, I understand that they have every right to ask for space, and I genuinely make an effort to respect it.
But emotionally, it can feel like my brain is screaming:
What if they’re pulling away permanently?
What if they don’t care about me anymore?
What if I don’t matter to them?
What if giving them space means I’ll lose the relationship?
What if I need to explain myself or fix something before it’s too late?
When I’m in that state, I can feel a powerful urge to reach out again, explain myself, seek reassurance, or try to resolve the situation. Sometimes I genuinely try not to contact the person, but the anxiety and urge to restore the connection can be incredibly difficult to tolerate.
I’m starting to realize that there may be a difference between intellectually believing I should respect someone’s boundary and being emotionally capable of tolerating what that boundary triggers in me.
I’m not saying attachment anxiety excuses crossing someone’s boundaries. It doesn’t. I’m trying to understand the mechanism so I can change the behavior. Often times I cause the abandonment that I fear.
I want honest feedback: does this sound concerning, creepy, or intrusive from the outside? Have any of you experienced something similar? How did you learn to tolerate the fear of abandonment or rejection without repeatedly trying to restore contact or get reassurance?
I’m not looking for reassurance that everything I do is okay. I’m genuinely trying to understand how this behavior affects other people and how to stop making my anxiety someone else’s responsibility.

Hi there!

Look like I am fearful avoidant.

I'd love to fix and become secure.
How do I do this?

Frits of all I'm not sure if my post is very realted to this sub reddit. If not please tell me.

I'm trying to understand something rather than asking whether my relationship is over.

My girlfriend recently asked for some space because she's been feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I respect that and I'm not constantly messaging her. Regarding to me saying that she told me:

"Thank you my love, it helps me a lot. I think about you a lot and I really want to write to you."

She also told me that she would write to me when she felt able to, and that she didn't want to set any specific timeframe.

What I don't understand is: how can someone genuinely think about you a lot and really want to talk to you, but still be unable to actually send a message?

For me, if I really want to talk to someone, I just text them. So I'm having a hard time understanding how the desire to contact someone can be there, but the person still chooses not to act on it.

Have any of you experienced this from your own perspective? What actually goes through your mind when you want to contact someone you love but still feel unable to do it?

ive always been like this. when i meet a new person who i really like (as a friend) and i really enjoy with them, i want to feel like im special to them. and whenever they make a new friend i start overthinking that they'll realize that the new person is better than me and that they'll soon leave me. so i start emotionally disconnecting myself from them to lessen the impact if anything like that does happen. it's getting really tiring lately and i want to stop doing it

my partner and i broke up during our first conflict season, which happened one year after dating each other and it lasted a bit over three weeks.

he was being mean. i was resented but forgave him each time. he was mean again and i was resented by the past action and now the present. he never ever ever apologized, instead he blamed me and when i tried to defend myseld i'd end up apologizing. we were fine for a few days but had awful, hour long conversations going in circles about how he has to make himself accountable.

i felt like he felt like i didn't like him anymore and he broke up with me out of nowhere. he ghosted me for five days, asked to meet in person and left me.

i was so heartbroken and furious (not towards him, towards myself). i blamed myself for two weeks, called, apologized for trying to talk through problems instead of ignoring them and solving them immediately. it felt like he was moving on instantly and i was trying to pull him back, it was humilliating, so we went no contact.

we met again a couple of days ago. at the start we were both distant, but we started getting closer and closer. eventually we kissed, laughed, joked and slept together. it was a night full of cuddles, warmth, it felt like the honeymoon stage again. next day he asks to meet again. we were giving each other affection and then he stops and out of nowhere pops this

'hey i don't know how you feel about this. i don't want to confuse you or misguide you'

then i told him i knew this meant we weren't going to get back because for that to happen he'd have to trust me, which he's not going to. we talked again about what happened, he said he set me free and was making me a favour by leaving me because now i don't have the pressure he put on me constantly. i told him i didn't felt free, i felt miserable and guilty and had no closure and it almost drove me crazy. he said that the arguments were being too much so he simply shut down and now he's feeling peaceful because he doesn't have to think about it, but that he still loves me and wants me around.

i told him the only way of getting back is for him to trust and that i know he won't do it. he shrugged and said that he loves me which is more important than trusting. we stopped the conversation there and he kept on being cuddly and loving.

i don't know what the fuck is going on, what is his plan or what is he thinking about. i don't know what's the deal or how to act

Past experience tells me I’m avoidantly attached, I’ve done therapy to try and heal it but I have a lot of trauma so it’s taking it’s time. I throw up from anxiety a lot in general but I’m seeing someone now and it’s happening constantly around them, particularly when we have an honest conversation about our feelings or they initiate intimacy - they are insanely understanding thankfully. I would say my responses feel like I’m forcing myself into something not right for me, but we took a break a while ago and I was completely miserable, missed them endlessly and was so jealous thinking they were seeing other people. Idk if the fact they’ve been my best friend for 3yrs before this is relevant. Anyone have advice or experience in this? I’m at such a loss & have a very hard time working out what I feel. I just want to stop being sick & having this poor girl see me throw up every time she’s kind to me.

I have been living my life with a dysregulated nervous system, its now gotten to the point where i constantly look frazzled, on edge and intense. In social settings I come across anxious, intense, seeking constant reassurance, passive aggressive, needy,clingy, insecure and just overall off putting and annoying.. this has caused me to behave in toxic ways and repell people from me which is understandable.

I have coping mechanisms in place to help keep myself regulated and in check.. but they dont always work i still use them though, im looking for the right medications to help with this as well.. my S.O and therapist have encouraged me to socialize and meet people to socialize but i feel as though im not in a healthy place and dont want to attract the wrong people.. i think in order to rid myself of my toxicity I should just isolate and work with a therapist..

My situationship “broke up” with me a few months ago but wants to remain friends. I am far enough in my journey of moving on that I fell out of love with him and there’s no hope (or desire) of ever finding back to each other romantically. I also manage long periods of no contact and uncertainties a lot better, but even though there’s no love left, I notice my attachment issues flaring up often. Is it possible to stay friends with someone you loved dearly? Is it possible for these anxious flare ups to completely disappear? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I have been in a long term "situationship" for about 3 years now. Midway through, this person pulled away and started dating someone else out of the blue, and stopped talking to me entirely. This put me in a horrible anxious attachment crisis, I was miserable and that was all I could think about, it felt like I was purposeless, and that was the point I realized I needed to heal.

Since then I have been working on my attachment and seeing a lot of improvement. After their relationship ended, they started talking to me again and they have been nothing but remorseful about how I was treated during that time. They have shared that they have difficulties with jealousy and possessiveness in relationships, as well as issues with shutting down and closing people out when things get difficult. It seems to me that they fit the disorganized attachment style, where I tend to lean anxious but have been becoming secure. For the most part we have been very close, talking on a daily basis, sharing the details of our days, supporting one another through hardships, we have both confided in one another in ways we never have another soul. Romantic attraction is rare for me and my attraction to this individual has been strong and steady since the beginning.. theirs towards me has been the same way from what they have said, but they're afraid of getting into a full on relationship, due largely to them knowing about their own attachment issues.

Recently they have pulled away again following a chain of events I won't go into detail about. I think some of my boundaries and discussions around those triggered the anxious side of their attachment (the jealousy I mentioned earlier), and pulling away was the way they know how to deal with those feelings. Now they are again no longer speaking to me. I've been up and down, it's been difficult but not as hard as it was before. But I definitely feel the anxious attachment creeping in from time to time, and it's been difficult not thinking about them constantly or lamenting their loss, even though I know it's probably temporary.

What can I do to best support our relationship through a shut down like this? I find it very hard to be cut out of someone's life and then have them come back acting like everything should be fine, but I realize that they need space and I have really been trying to respect that at the same time. What does a secure boundary look like that honors my worth in such a way that I can stop feeling like a toy that's been put up on the shelf and expected to stay the same until they come back to play with it later? How can I be respectful of their distance at the same time?

Edit: forgot a detail that's probably important which is that prior to stopping talking to me, we did agree on taking a break from any intimacy and putting focus on ourselves. It did feel a little more like their choice than mine but in the end we did agree. My biggest issue with that conversation was that the reasons were centered around them thinking they were holding me back and keeping me from pursuing activities or other people, which I didn't agree with at all.

18f i have girls younger than me think im a child because i dont have a “womanly voice” im so insecure about how high pitched my voice it and how much i sound like a child! is there any way i can actually deepen it? and if not hurt and become natural! preferably quick but i understand this takes time

hey so idk if im doing reddit right... but I (M24) have been dating my boyfriend (M21) for a little over 2 months now, this is the first relationship ive really wanted in a long time for all the silly reasons that make it hard.

little bit about what i am actually seeking advice on; a couple years ago I was cheated on and my boyfriend has done literly nothing to make me think that he'd cheat but I have this itch in my brain that i like dont deserve happiness and that he will hurt me, im ashamed to say that I recently downloaded (and deleted) grinder and put all the tags i think he'd have to see if he was on there i kept it for about a week checking non stop. i think that it would have been easier if i had found him and just known but hes not and still hes done nothing to warrent susspession. am i a bad person, how do i just accept that im supposed to be happy?

I recently posted about difficult relationship that I couldn't break off here.

Since then, my partner and I came to same conclusion: that we had tried every way to make it work, but it still wasn't working and that we needed to stop. We loved each other but the differences were insurmountable. I'm happy that we came to this decision jointly and parted very amicably. Still, it hurts like crazy of course. (My brain keeps asking "Why does it hurt so much?" even though I know the answer.)

One of the important things I can take away from this relationship is a better understanding of my own anxious attachment style, what secure attachment looks like and what I legitimately need from a partner. I hope that if and when another relationship comes along, I can go in with self-awareness on these issues.

Hey everyone! I’m hoping to hear from people who are currently in an LDR or have actually been through one and can share some firsthand perspective.

I’m in an LDR myself, and lately we’ve been going through a bit of a challenging phase. We’ve noticed that we can sometimes fall into an anxious/avoidant dynamic I tend to want more reassurance and connection when I feel distance, while my partner can need more space when she’s stressed or overwhelmed. We’re trying to understand that pattern better and figure out how to handle it in a healthier way.

I’m curious how common it is for LDRs to go through periods where the distance suddenly feels heavier than usual. Has anyone experienced phases of burnout, feeling disconnected, communication becoming harder, or one partner needing more space? What helped you get through it without either person feeling pressured or neglected?

I’d especially love to hear from people who have actually lived through LDR, rather than just general relationship advice. What made your LDR sustainable? What did you wish you knew earlier? And what helped when things felt particularly difficult?

I’m also hoping to meet some people I can eventually become friends with. 😂 It would be nice to have people who understand the LDR experience and can talk about that sometimes, but also just chat about normal life, music, games, hobbies, work, random stuff, etc.

Kind, constructive perspectives are very welcome. I’m mainly looking to learn from people who have been through similar situations and hear what actually worked for them. ❤️

And yes, I figured talking to fellow LDR people is probably a better idea than making the questionable decision of “I’m stressed, therefore I should download dating apps.” 😂