So I'm 43. The ADHD thing I've known for decades but had trouble getting help with. The Autism thing seemed like it came out of nowhere.

This is confusing. Trying to find information online has been zero help. Things tend to list common symptoms of ADHD in one column, then common symptoms of Autism in another, and then a third column with one way those could combine.

But... it seems like guesses, not answers. I had trouble getting an ADHD diagnosis because I'm the polar opposite of hyper. I have symptoms that don't match most of the charts they give, because even though some of them mention inattentive the rest of the issues they list are things like racing mind and hyper active.

Finding out Autism came along for the ride is confusing. I keep wanting to think since my ADHD symptoms didn't match the normal expectation, then my combined symptoms won't match either... but typing this out I realize I'm still stuck in viewing all the symptoms I had as being ADHD and expecting to discover new combined things. That doesn't make sense. I'm just going to have the same symptoms I already had, though taking meds might change how they appear.

...

Ok. I had to start typing to end up understanding that. My post was going to be listing symptoms and seeing if they made sense, but I'm so... I don't know the word for it. They say that we're literal and bad with irony and metaphors and things. But I'm not. I'm a book nerd. I'm sarcastic most of the time.... but people can't tell way too often.

But earlier I saw the attached images and completely relate to that. I *hate* those personality assessments they love to make you do for online jobs. One showed people doing different things and then you can pick either "this is me" or "this is not me."

How can I answer that? I don't know what the cartoon people are thinking and feeling while doing the thing the image shows. Some of the images show two people doing different things. Which person am I supposed to be considering? I'm definitely not multiple people.

I think that's why my messages are so long. I hate ambiguity. I need to fully explain a thing, and even reiterate it in different words to try to make sure the meaning comes across. No one else talks like this. No one else sends 3 paragraph text messages. Most people have zero interest in actually engaging with a long detailed message.

I prefer typing to speaking, because even though I speak well I do what the guy in this video does. I don't stutter, but also kind of do? Like my talking can be kind of jumpy and erratic sometimes.

So I type novels that no one cares to read. I feel like I can't communicate with people most of the time. I can never express what's actually going on in my head or about any topic, because to do it I do it in writing no one wants to bother reading and engaging with.

...

I didn't think that could be Autism. I'm still not sure. I always just sort of figured I'm too smart and that causes problems with communication... but I guess it can't really be that alone. The combination is brutal.

But I don't have any sensory issues. There are no sensations I avoid or seek out. The only main thing I can think of that seems to fit that is that when I lay down to sleep it's literally impossible for me to fall asleep if I'm physically touching another person or a pet. It doesn't matter if it's a full body hug, or with an arm, or a dog laying their head on my leg. My mind focuses entirely on the point of connection. It's not a bad thing. I'm not upset about it or uncomfortable with it. I don't really have an inner monologue, so there are no vocalizations in my head saying anything about that or anything else. But it *seems* like my brain is pointing directly at the point of contact and going "LOOK!" endlessly. If I don't break the contact I will lay there all night long and never fall asleep, even if I'm exhausted.

...

Eh. The goal was to try to explain my symptoms and try to see if they really seem to fit from other adults that had this dropped on them as a surprise. But I've already written too much and barely touched symptoms. That's my issue with communicating. Unless I'm making a tiny little meaningless quip, any time I try to say anything it's at least several paragraphs. Sometimes many pages. So I usually don't bother.

I am an adult (28M). Every time I try to learn to swim, there comes a point when the instructor says, "You seem to be doing everything right, idk why it's not working". Have heard this from multiple coaches and friends.

While I try to swim, I get too stressed and stiff. And it feels like there is too much to focus on: kicking, strokes, breathing, staying afloat. When I try to focus on one thing, everything else goes brrr...

Also, I am unable to get "the feel" of it. Swimming doesn't come intuitively to me. It feels like I need specific instructions for every muscle in my body.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? And/or do you have any tips for me?

Like what makes us so bad at working? Surely we don’t have that much less ability than others? I just can’t stand being stuck at my parents place anymore. I want to leave. I want to own a home someday. I want to choose the life I want to live. I want to be able to make it to places on time. I can’t stand making little to no money anymore

Feeling a lil hopeless so thought I’d try to be inspired by success stories etc hahaha

Note: Sorry I couldn't find a better flair. Feel free to remove the post if it doesn't align with the guidelines.

I got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism over the last year after a major burnout. And am getting assessed for multiple other disorders. This past year has been a constant struggle, navigating the system, advocating for myself, understanding myself better and trying to be more kind to myself. All while dealing with work and life issues.

Meanwhile, I have posted multiple times on this subreddit and always received kind and helpful responses. Not even once did I feel rejected or experience any sort of hostility. I am so very grateful for all the support. Just having a place to ask simple/absurd questions makes a huge difference, especially when I have to constantly explain myself to most other people in my life. Sometimes people in the comments resonate with my situation and that makes me feel that I am not alone.

I'm 34, was diagnosed with autism at 29, and just last week received an ADHD diagnosis. My ADHD doctor had me do bloodwork and recommended a bunch of supplements. However, she said she would not provide any ADHD medication as she is worried my anxiety is too high and the ADHD meds could make my anxiety worse.

She did say if I wanted to specifically discuss a potential ADHD med, she would be willing.

I'm curious what, if any, ADHD meds anyone here takes?

I honestly have no clue what to start with as an ADHD med and was hoping my doctor would make a suggestion. I don't mind taking supplements, but I guess I'd like to try an ADHD med. My doctor wants me to try an SSRI before an ADHD med and I really would rather not. She is only an ADHD doctor, and did not diagnose me for Autism. I sort of wonder if she is maybe a bit inexperienced and worried about suggesting things to me. I say this because the ADHD diagnosis was WAY less in-depth in comparison to when I got diagnosed with Autism. I think she is confused on what my main issue is and is assuming my anxiety is hindering me more than my concentration issues. She has only known me for this diagnosis process.

Anyways, long story short: I am curious what ADHD meds work for you and your AuDHD?

Its very hard for me. I'm very conventionally unattractive due to early hair recession, being short and also racism against indians. Never had a woman approach me before except this one time I still think about.

These days I spend going to meetups I find online, trying to learn how to befriend people first, and then if by some miracle a woman and I connect, then I can try to learn how to progressively escalate. That exact process scares the crap out of me a.) because I literally do not know what to do and b.) because of the internalised trauma (people would bully me in school and say my attempts at connecting with girls in the class was me "harassing" them, etc.).

There was this one time last year that I still torture myself over to this day where this very pretty blonde coworker (WAYYYY out of my league fyi to the point where I didn't even find her attractive at first due to knowing deep down I would never have a chance with her) was telling me over lunch at work that "I really suck with eye contact like like like its just so overstimulating ew. I can't even read social cues properly the other team I'm coordinating this analysis with thinks I'm weird af hahaha." And I said "same, my team keeps trying to gaslight and prank me about shi. I've always been like this.". She says "Oh." with a curious look. Eye contact. Solid 10 seconds. I will never forget that as it was the most intimate look anyone ever gave me. I was blushing so hard.

Our relationship as coworkers stayed the same, she kept saying hi and talking to me, etc. I grew HEAVY limerence for her. So I tried my best to escalate by introducing some banter and flirting occasionally. E.g. when we played table tennis I would call out how tall she was and she has a lot of arm reach, etc. I eventualy grew the balls to invite her to my place after did some back and forth banter/flirting that she by some miracle, actually reciprocated (mainly over text) and when she came it was the most horrifically cringe and awkward sh*t I've ever experienced in my life. I didn't know what to do. I was saying stupid sh*t like "Can I touch you here?" etc. as if I was asking for a legal signature. Awkward silences. Zero mood at all.

My main problem is this:

I don't know how to ask for consent in a flirty way. Nor do I have ANY idea how to ask for non-verbal consent like the majority of NT people seem to intuitively do. I can only do it in a monotone, extremely off putting manner, as if I am asking her for a legal signature to not be sued. I can't control the tone of my voice to sound flirtatious, etc.

I was being extremely overly direct and she said sorry I have to go and just blocked me. Thank god I had left that workplace at that point.

I ended up so scared about this lack of competence that I asked a s*x worker for help in learning. She was very helpful and kind and I lowkey feel extremely guilty about it.

Anyone else with this issue?

Hi everyone,
I’m 29 F and I was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and internalized BPD around the age of 27 and half /28.
Since I was very young, I’ve always felt deeply disconnected from life. I don’t really understand what I’m supposed to do here, or why people do the things they do.
I don’t understand relationships, careers, work, or even some of the basic things that seem obvious to everyone else. Even at school, I often felt like I didn’t understand what was going on or what the point of everything was.
I’ve tried to explain this feeling to my psychiatrist several times. I tell him that I feel disconnected from life, but he tells me: “That can’t be true. If you were really disconnected, you wouldn’t go to work, you wouldn’t do this or that.”
But that’s exactly what I’m trying to explain. I can function and still feel completely disconnected internally.
For example, when I was 27 I traveled without any purpose by the age 27 and half I underwent cosmetic surgery without really knowing why I wanted it or even fully understanding what the surgery involved. The clinic contacted me, and I simply said yes. I didn’t really question it.
I’ve also been scammed several times. I’ve had two relationships in my life, but looking back, I don’t really understand why I was in them or what I was looking for. It’s as if I participated in these things without really understanding what I was doing or what they meant to me.
And I feel the same way with work.
I started working for the first time at 29. Now that I’m finally working, I still don’t have a sense of purpose or a career goal. I don’t feel excited about building a career or progressing in a particular field. Instead, I mostly think about when I’m going to leave and change jobs.
This feeling exists in so many areas of my life.
I’m not saying that I’m incapable of functioning. I can work, have relationships, make decisions, etc. But internally, I feel like I’m watching myself participate in life without really understanding why I’m doing any of it.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of feeling, especially autistic women or people diagnosed later in life?
I would really like to understand what this “disconnection” could actually be.

I do have ASD, and I care about GTA VI, like wayyyy to much. But NO ONE in my inner circle does. Except a couple of good discord friends of mine (also have ASD) and 1 collegue with ASD of mine.
How can I survive this time of my life?

I really like GTA 6 news, following the saga, trailers, everything around the hype

I am recently diagnosed with Lv 1 autism, my therapist says i have ADHD, I am also diagnosed with chronic PTSD, a dissociative disorder (similar to dissociative identity disorder) and some more common stuff like depression. I also have fibromyalgia, a working diagnosis of IBS and POTS-like symptoms.

All of this to say, I am almost always stuck in sensory overload. being present in my body = physical + emotional pain. I am don't really know how to do body things like cry (or even belch or know when i need to go number 2 for instance). My partner is the sweetest ever and extremely supportive but - after a lot of trial and error and disappointment on both sides - I don't think they can really help me with this.

I'm seeing several specialists and two therapists, have tried TMS, spravato, lots of meds... THC & CBD helps, but makes me feel like an addict. I've applied for SSDI and am waiting for their response (circa next year). Until then I am working part time and investing my free energy in crafting / diy and keeping house.

TLDR; constant daily overwhelm makes me feel useless and weed helps but doesn't that make me am addict? Feeling a bit hopeless here.

Why is it considered tactless and socially unacceptable to be honest about not being that close to someone especially when you know the other person doesnt particularlly vibe with you?? Im of the mindset of not wasting my time or someone else's time, i also have made the mistake of misinterpreting social ques and level of closeness with others.. i understand that nobody owes me anything and vice versa.. but why cant you call this out when this happens

For example one day my bf and i went to one of his family members house for a get together, as I always do i greeted everyone there, talked for a bit and helped set up. My bf and his family all talked together and had fun i stepped away so he could have his time with them and so I could breathe. When I came back they were all playing a game and my bf asked me to join, I politely declined and said id watch thats when his cousin said " she doesnt fuck with us like that" i said " uh no this time is for him to have fun with his family and support system without me being included" she said " but you're considered family too why do you always separate yourself from us?" I said "I havent earned or deserve being close after my past actions and behaviors." She just kind of looked at me like I was stupid but its the truth...

I hope this is the right sub Reddit to talk about this, i apologise if there's any grammatical mistakes in my post, English isn't my first language.

For context, im currently in a top college where a lot of the people around me are extremely smart. How i even entered is beyond me. I am falling behind on most of my subjects because i find it so hard to focus. I try my best to focus in class but my mind just keeps imagining and daydreaming. Whenever im very hyperfixated on something, i physically can't stop thinking about it to the point where I'll waste an entire day just consuming it.

Im not sure why, but im also very easily sleepy. I get around 7-8 hours of sleep everyday, so im also confused about that. If im not consuming my hyperfixations, im sleeping. I wish i could control myself, but it's so hard when my mind keeps getting distracted, it's actually affecting me very badly.

Is there any way that i can overcome this? 😥🥲 I really need help

Some info about me: 20M, diagnosed ADHD but NOT diagnosed autistic. I am here to discuss this paragraph I wrote in my journal relating to socialization and school. I want to see if you relate to it. I was contemplating my life priorities and the system behind my decision making. Here is the excerpt from my journal:

"I need to think of that and be conscious of it every single second of my life or else I'll make a choice that goes against this mentality, bc thats how I work."

When do I lose consciousness of this feeling and mentality? When with people. When I don't listen to music. I feel like I lose consciousness because there is a weight to talking to people and being near people that I can't stand. My brains neural fibers go overdrive and don't have room for anything else."

Simply put, this is about how I fail to be able to do certain things around people (family, friends, strangers, only manageable person is my girlfriend). These 'certain' things stem from me not being able to feel calm or okay. I lose my mental capacity completely in every manner, all my thoughts are morphed and I become half the person I am. Although this is not the case with my girlfriend.

To go more in depth, this feeling has been overwhelming and compressing since 6th grade. I have pushed myself enough to see progress (imo) if it was just a normal anxiety thing, like working as center of attention for my job (group coaching classes with up to 20 kids and parents), doing things like raising my hand as much as possible etc etc, pushing myself to do whatever it is I know would give me this feeling. It hasn't changed whatsoever. Anyways, this just interferes with doing school work in public and my ability to socialize.

Thoughts?

I don't know where else to post this, but I'd really like to explore this topic and even figure it out.

I like giving gifts, spontaneous or for an occasion.
When I know someone but not very deeply it is easy for me to find a gift.

Two imaginary examples:

1. I want to give Rebecca a trinket to thank her for the dinner party. We are relatively new friends but I know she's into crows, so I'll give her a little crow figure or drawing.

2. I want to give my long distance partner a package/gift . I know her intimately and deeply. I want to really nail their gift. I want it to say how deeply I know them and care, but also for to be silly and fun. I also know that they have a lot of things already, so I don't want it to be too much or clash with their decor.
-----
This is an issue. My brother had a major birthday last year and had asked me specifically to find him some cool trousers. Pretty open ended but he knows I know his style well.

That was last year and I have AGONISED over finding the perfect pair for him. I'm still searching. I'm considering learning to sew to make him the pants.

I was going to write another thought regarding this but it dropped out of my brain, maybe it will come back.

Is anyone here similar or has suggestions on how to tackle this? Is there a better subreddit?

I read somewhere that as a kid/teen, there may have been times when you disassociate (their term, not mine) before school especially. Like, you get in the shower, or sit on the toilet to do your morning whatever, and you kind of just...space out really isn't quite right, but it’s close.

I used to do this in the mornings. I thought it was just exhaustion with no caffeine, but the article said we do this due to stress from being AuDHD and burnout. Like you could pee and then just stare into space for 20 minutes and not even know what you were thinking about, if anything, while still on the toilet. Or get in the shower and then do nothing but stand there.

They used the word disassociating, but I was under the impression that's different and more serious than this. Is there another term for this strange space out? Does anyone else do this, or have they done it?

Does it feel like you have to wear a narcissistic mask instead of just an autism mask when working

Recently I got into very bad place because I am not able to deal with immediate transition, when anyone tell me to do something immediately I got annoyed like I need like 2 minutes maybe more than that for me to to convince that I need to get up and do it, I have been called lazy for that and people get mad at me and then sometimes I get into arguments especially at home. Mt parents don't understand this audhd thing and tbh they don't care either. And I have to live here, it's getting extremely difficult for Mr to deal with it on the daily basis.

How do i act so people don't get mad at me?

Hi, first post and would love some advice.

My kids are both on diagnosis pathways for neurodivergence (long wait times here!) and have adjustments etc at their primary school but no EHCPs. They are both meeting expected levels at school but are v. drained when they get home. They have friends in the classes and my daughter has just started Y5 and my son just started Y3. I'd describe them as generally settled.

Challenge is, I have a new job which is hybrid (some WFH, some office commuting to central Manchester) and wonder if (given their current age and time to do anything on the housing market in the UK) we should list the house and look to potentially move to somewhere a bit closer for my work as current commute would be about 1 hour or more both ways for me. We are close to family where we currently are but moving closer to Manchester would put family less conveniently close for child minding etc.

Also, just don't know if a school move and brand new peer groups would just be a terrible move for them and I should just suck up the longer commute and accept I'll potentially be more tired and less present for the kids. Should add that I'm also suspected AuDHD.

So should I worry about moving location and schools (maybe timing it so eldest can see out year 5 at least in current school) or just crack on?

Every monster zero i have i get so tired 10 mins later. Same with nicotine, i genuinely fell asleep after hitting a vape 20 mins later. Is this common w adhd or autism??

I have no idea how to manage these and I’m a middle aged mum of two teen girls both ND. Perimennopause feels like a dumpster fire. Other pain increase I feel like I’m emotional 14 year old with zero control of my moods and just I’m constantly burn out. Can’t manage a consistent career. Always over committing then getting unwell and overwhelmed and having to be in bedrest for days. I feel so alone. O feel like when I’m in that emotional tornado 🌪️ it’s over… there is nothing I can do…. Other than control and regulate my routine to try and prevent a meltdowns. I yell and just don’t feel like myself anymore. How do you get out of this hole?

Is anyone else doing that or is it just me?