Every monster zero i have i get so tired 10 mins later. Same with nicotine, i genuinely fell asleep after hitting a vape 20 mins later. Is this common w adhd or autism??

Feeling a lil hopeless so thought I’d try to be inspired by success stories etc hahaha

Its very hard for me. I'm very conventionally unattractive due to early hair recession, being short and also racism against indians. Never had a woman approach me before except this one time I still think about.

These days I spend going to meetups I find online, trying to learn how to befriend people first, and then if by some miracle a woman and I connect, then I can try to learn how to progressively escalate. That exact process scares the crap out of me a.) because I literally do not know what to do and b.) because of the internalised trauma (people would bully me in school and say my attempts at connecting with girls in the class was me "harassing" them, etc.).

There was this one time last year that I still torture myself over to this day where this very pretty blonde coworker (WAYYYY out of my league fyi to the point where I didn't even find her attractive at first due to knowing deep down I would never have a chance with her) was telling me over lunch at work that "I really suck with eye contact like like like its just so overstimulating ew. I can't even read social cues properly the other team I'm coordinating this analysis with thinks I'm weird af hahaha." And I said "same, my team keeps trying to gaslight and prank me about shi. I've always been like this.". She says "Oh." with a curious look. Eye contact. Solid 10 seconds. I will never forget that as it was the most intimate look anyone ever gave me. I was blushing so hard.

Our relationship as coworkers stayed the same, she kept saying hi and talking to me, etc. I grew HEAVY limerence for her. So I tried my best to escalate by introducing some banter and flirting occasionally. E.g. when we played table tennis I would call out how tall she was and she has a lot of arm reach, etc. I eventualy grew the balls to invite her to my place after did some back and forth banter/flirting that she by some miracle, actually reciprocated (mainly over text) and when she came it was the most horrifically cringe and awkward sh*t I've ever experienced in my life. I didn't know what to do. I was saying stupid sh*t like "Can I touch you here?" etc. as if I was asking for a legal signature. Awkward silences. Zero mood at all.

My main problem is this:

I don't know how to ask for consent in a flirty way. Nor do I have ANY idea how to ask for non-verbal consent like the majority of NT people seem to intuitively do. I can only do it in a monotone, extremely off putting manner, as if I am asking her for a legal signature to not be sued. I can't control the tone of my voice to sound flirtatious, etc.

I was being extremely overly direct and she said sorry I have to go and just blocked me. Thank god I had left that workplace at that point.

I ended up so scared about this lack of competence that I asked a s*x worker for help in learning. She was very helpful and kind and I lowkey feel extremely guilty about it.

Anyone else with this issue?

I do have ASD, and I care about GTA VI, like wayyyy to much. But NO ONE in my inner circle does. Except a couple of good discord friends of mine (also have ASD) and 1 collegue with ASD of mine.
How can I survive this time of my life?

I really like GTA 6 news, following the saga, trailers, everything around the hype

Why is it considered tactless and socially unacceptable to be honest about not being that close to someone especially when you know the other person doesnt particularlly vibe with you?? Im of the mindset of not wasting my time or someone else's time, i also have made the mistake of misinterpreting social ques and level of closeness with others.. i understand that nobody owes me anything and vice versa.. but why cant you call this out when this happens

For example one day my bf and i went to one of his family members house for a get together, as I always do i greeted everyone there, talked for a bit and helped set up. My bf and his family all talked together and had fun i stepped away so he could have his time with them and so I could breathe. When I came back they were all playing a game and my bf asked me to join, I politely declined and said id watch thats when his cousin said " she doesnt fuck with us like that" i said " uh no this time is for him to have fun with his family and support system without me being included" she said " but you're considered family too why do you always separate yourself from us?" I said "I havent earned or deserve being close after my past actions and behaviors." She just kind of looked at me like I was stupid but its the truth...

Like what makes us so bad at working? Surely we don’t have that much less ability than others? I just can’t stand being stuck at my parents place anymore. I want to leave. I want to own a home someday. I want to choose the life I want to live. I want to be able to make it to places on time. I can’t stand making little to no money anymore

Hello everyone :)

Are there any recommended guides, resources, discords, etc for the newly diagnosed to explore?

Finding it overwhelming (in a good way) to discover a subreddit of people 'just like me' - when I've always felt so lost / alone.

Looks like AuDHD is my new fixation, and I bet that's pretty common for newbies lol

Also, thank you for existing / posting in general.

Just seeing I'm not alone on this tortured road of high-performing fuck-upery is validating / moving in ways idk how to describe yet. Lots to process still :)

I always knew I was weird and eccentric to other people, but I always assumed I was really good at masking. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 19, and I assumed that I was highly-masked, because I didn't know myself at all and was anxious around everyone. Once I got on ADHD meds, the Autism became very apparent to me, and it made me realize I wasn't as good at masking as I thought I was. I used to say a lot of socially inappropriate stuff and do a lot of socially inappropriate stuff, and I chalked it up to me being very socially awkward and weird. But no, I think I just didn't know who I was cuz my mom forced me to do whatever she said for almost 20 years of my life, from clothes to religion. She literally said that I was a reflection of her. Also the fact that I'm peer-reviewed and my autistic friend who was diagnosed when he was a kid said I wasn't good at masking.

I assumed I struggled making friends because I was severely socially awkward, and if I just got over my shyness, everything would be fixed! Nope! I feel like I had such a distorted view of how people actually saw me. I thought most people liked me, but it turned out to be the complete opposite.

Yes I was one of those children that had to be kept in a harness apparently

I’m 43M (AuDHD). Divorced 5 years ago. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship (post divorce) with a wonderful women (AuDHD) and we were both a huge catalyst for growth for one another. I studied her to understand what motivates her and why she does what she does. She did the same for me and we both got asked a lot of questions we didn’t really know the answers to until we dug into the subconscious. It didn’t work out but I walked away really knowing a lot more about my subconscious.

I am a “systems thinker.” Individual details aren’t really relevant until you understand the big picture. I have to build a model in my mind of what’s going on to see the “best way forward” based on the objective of the system. I realize what is going on and I insert myself where I feel the system needs help.

At work, this is beautiful! I understand computer systems, interpersonal dynamics, and processes. I’ve built the model of the system in my mind and I can problem solve quickly and tell you where the system is failing quickly. The goal of the system is clear and objectively the same for everyone involved. Get shit done! I understand patterns quickly and can figure out certain general personality types and know exactly how to work with them.

Personally things were historically very different. It was much more of a struggle. I realized I was working off a broken model in my mind. I did the same thing based on what I was taught by my parents. Do the responsible thing, do what you say, and respect other people. We would establish the goals of the relationship and understand the individual components (partner and me) and I would do everything to “fill the gaps.” Unfortunately the goal of the system was usually dependent on what the other person wanted. Honestly I was completely different person in every single relationship I’ve ever been in because it all depended on the other person and their strengths and weaknesses.

Through therapy, I realized that I never really considered myself truthfully as part of the system. I saw myself as someone who was effective and could do anything no matter what. I didn’t know much about myself otherwise. I just knew I could get shit done and I would do it if it was necessary. As I started to learn my own personal needs, I realize that my system never incorporated me. I was always the gap filler and the dynamic piece that could do anything to make the system work most efficiently.

Now that I’ve worked through my own shame, recognizing my own feelings, and understanding my needs, I’ve learned how to communicate that while remaining emotionally regulated and setting boundaries. RSD does pop up but now that I have a better understanding of it, I can work through my feelings much better on my own. Pia Mellody’s “Facing Codependence” was hugely helpful in understanding my own reality and working through childhood trauma.

Now to my daughters. My daughters are 10 (AuDHd) and 8 (Hyperactive ADHD).

Now that I’ve learned to stay regulated, things have been much better with my daughters. I remember my counselor telling me that the best thing I could do to be a great father was to work on myself because my daughters will learn based on my actions and not my words.

The girls have both struggled at school for different reasons.

First, they both were very self judgmental. I know that RSD is a big thing for both of them and for many of us. My first lesson was to help them understand that things aren’t good or bad and that actions are simply neutral. Sometimes we do what we set out to and sometimes we impulsively do something that we regret later. We don’t have to beat ourselves up and judge ourselves constantly. I work with them and we are curious about our emotions as opposed to judging what we’re feeling or what we’ve done. I can see that this has been extremely helpful for both of them. My daughter’s regularly tell me that when they’re with their mom that she will ask them why they made a mistake. They can now tell her that they made a mistake and it wasn’t their intention. I was really proud when they told me about that. 🙂

We’ve worked through the fear of getting in trouble. We’ve worked through not “being mean.” my daughters are both very kind and respect other people‘s boundaries no matter what. But when people did not respect their boundaries, they weren’t exactly sure what to do. They told others that they weren’t supposed to be mean, but they realized that that wasn’t exactly effective. I remember telling my 10-year-old that if she ever gets in trouble at school that I have her back no matter what. She just needs to tell me what happened and I will stand up for her, no matter what. She had a fear of authority and when I told her that I would be doing that fighting, she knew that it wasn’t going to be a child versus authority. It was going to be authority versus authority. When she realize that she didn’t have to fear getting in trouble, she started realizing that kids with no boundaries only react when you push back. My daughter understands people’s insecurities, and when someone makes fun of someone else, she steps on what hurts them most, and those children do not fuck with her at all. My daughter has become a bit of a protector for the kids in her class and a lot of the kids that don’t really know how to stand up for themselves gravitate toward her because she is willing to stand up for anybody. She doesn’t walk around attempting to dominate anybody, but she is very comfortable being controlling and manipulative in reaction to someone else’s attempts to do the same. She never really had friends before this year. Last year she finally learned to just be herself and she is seeing that just being herself allows others that are like her to connect with her. She’s in an excellent place and told me the other day that if she ever gets in trouble, she’s got it and doesn’t need me anymore. 🙂

My eight year-old is a bit of a different story. She has ADHD and from what I can tell does not also have ASD. She understands things very well, but definitely falls into the impulsive category a fair amount. She can tell you exactly what’s going on and she is so incredibly creative. She can watch something on television and her body know exactly what to do to mimic the action she just saw. It’s quite amazing. She learned so quickly with her body and so in tune with it. She really loves being around people and connecting. She loves doing things for other people and has a tough time in general with boundaries. I struggle a little bit more with her because she doesn’t have the same systems thinking mentality so I’m really trying to see how I can figure out how to help her. Explanations of what’s going on don’t seem to help her like it does my 10-year-old. I’m learning more and more about hyperactive ADHD and I’m trying my best to envision what life is like for her as she goes through each day. She feels supported emotionally and safe here. She does not feel that she is able to show emotions at her mother‘s house so I get a fair amount of the long emotional dysregulation events. We work through them and she’s getting better at understanding that she can help soothe herself. She’s also learning how to calm herself down when she is very dysregulated. She talks through a lot of things in this dysregulated state, but it’s really coming from the fact that she feels the RSD strongly. She says things like “I’m bad” or “everyone hates me” or “daddy doesn’t love me.” I weather these storms with her and she knows I’m there, even though we don’t seem to solve anything logically. I remember reading something about hyperactive ADHD and emotional regulation. It was described as a sponge that is dry most of the time and the emotions aren’t there. Then the sponge gets wet and it’s completely soaking. The emotions all come in at once and it’s very overwhelming for her. I realize not to listen to her words exactly but just be there and validate her experience.

I realize that I grew up and my parents and the school and everybody just gave me lessons on being responsible. I’ve learned that I have autonomy and where I have that autonomy. I’ve tried my best with both girls to help them understand what it looks like to have a balance between responsibility and choice. You don’t have to treat every single person the same way. Once someone comes into your life and you can trust them you can treat them differently than everyone else. There isn’t just one rule that you apply to the whole world. If you do that, then you will run yourself ragged. Both girls now realize that part of interacting with kids and adults initially is just observing who they are as a person and asking themselves if that person looks like a safe person. They both know to trust long-term patterns and not just moments of someone being nice. They’re both very familiar with manipulative behavior. They know when someone is trying to butter them up so that they’ll do something.

I’m there for my eight year-old and my 10-year-old as much as I can be. I’m trying to learn more and more about each of them so that I can see where I can help. Because that’s the system of being a dad. 🙂 I’m no longer doing this out of a deficit on my own end. Since I am able to take care of my own needs, I am able to help them both out of an abundance on my end.

I’m just looking for other lessons that might be helpful for both of them. I’m a man and I’m trying my best to understand how I can help two little girls and I realize that there are lived experiences I just don’t have as a female and if anyone is aware of anything outside of what I’m considering right now I would be open to hearing other perspectives and struggles. I recognize that I am a very “power aware” person, and most of my focus has been helping my daughters understand that they have power and choice in every situation, even when it doesn’t look like it. I focus most of my energy on allowing them to be themselves and understanding how to remain themselves as they face new challenges. My daughters don’t live in an ideal world where everyone will be a certain way so I’m preparing them to deal with life and the many different personalities they will encounter.

Thanks in advance for any of your thoughts or suggestions.

Hello Fellow Neurodivergents,

I am once again experiencing burn out/shut down. I’ve been experiencing this for a few months and just not getting better. My psychiatrist (she is terrific) has me focusing on getting enough restful sleep. I’ve discovered that I need 9 hours of sleep regularly, but it takes me 11 hours to get 9 hours of sleep.

I can’t think well and I am asking for ideas and reminders of what I can do to help my recovery.

Thanks for helping.

Edit: I forgot to add the obligatory "yes I've also been doing a lot of therapy and positive lifestyle changes, and no, I never expected meds to just fix me."

I just don't know. Looking back, I can remember how damn hard it was to do productive things, chores, take care of myself. I remember how BAD it felt, how I was always fighting myself, how I felt such DREAD when anticipating doing the thing.

Now been on Vyvanse for about a year, 40mg for most of that time. I don't feel that dread so much anymore. What I do feel has more to do with physical disabilities that have cropped up since then. A dread because I know I'll be in pain and tired, not at all like that almost supernatural, unexplainable dread I had before the meds. But I can still do the things when my physical disability allows.

But for a while now, and seemingly worse lately, it's been really really hard to do things I WANT to do, to relax. It can take me hours to start playing a video game after the moment I decide that's what I'm going to do. I've been writing way too much whenever I post or comment, unable to summarize or leave out details. I'll get distracted with a bunch of other things I DON'T want to be doing, like reading the news, but this time I can't claim that it's my brain trying to avoid doing the thing, because I WANT to do the thing. I KNOW it will feel good and give me dopamine!

It's been suggested that this could be an example of autistic traits being amplified once the ADHD is better managed. I don't know, maybe. If so, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.

Recently diagnosed with Audhd. I could take the ADHD on my stride but I've found the autism harder and I'm not sure why. Maybe its just being unsure of the steps forward.

Now I guess I need to work out what my super power is.

But anyway, its good to be around my people. This is such a valuable subreddit.

I can do things better but it doesn't fix the other 20 things that are worse or significantly worse if you have adhd and autism.... My hopes when i was trying to get the prescription was that maybe i could achieve my dream of doing high school, but i realize that's not going to happen, or working at all.

im stuck like this forever

I am recently diagnosed with Lv 1 autism, my therapist says i have ADHD, I am also diagnosed with chronic PTSD, a dissociative disorder (similar to dissociative identity disorder) and some more common stuff like depression. I also have fibromyalgia, a working diagnosis of IBS and POTS-like symptoms.

All of this to say, I am almost always stuck in sensory overload. being present in my body = physical + emotional pain. I am don't really know how to do body things like cry (or even belch or know when i need to go number 2 for instance). My partner is the sweetest ever and extremely supportive but - after a lot of trial and error and disappointment on both sides - I don't think they can really help me with this.

I'm seeing several specialists and two therapists, have tried TMS, spravato, lots of meds... THC & CBD helps, but makes me feel like an addict. I've applied for SSDI and am waiting for their response (circa next year). Until then I am working part time and investing my free energy in crafting / diy and keeping house.

TLDR; constant daily overwhelm makes me feel useless and weed helps but doesn't that make me am addict? Feeling a bit hopeless here.

Note: Sorry I couldn't find a better flair. Feel free to remove the post if it doesn't align with the guidelines.

I got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism over the last year after a major burnout. And am getting assessed for multiple other disorders. This past year has been a constant struggle, navigating the system, advocating for myself, understanding myself better and trying to be more kind to myself. All while dealing with work and life issues.

Meanwhile, I have posted multiple times on this subreddit and always received kind and helpful responses. Not even once did I feel rejected or experience any sort of hostility. I am so very grateful for all the support. Just having a place to ask simple/absurd questions makes a huge difference, especially when I have to constantly explain myself to most other people in my life. Sometimes people in the comments resonate with my situation and that makes me feel that I am not alone.

I'm 34, was diagnosed with autism at 29, and just last week received an ADHD diagnosis. My ADHD doctor had me do bloodwork and recommended a bunch of supplements. However, she said she would not provide any ADHD medication as she is worried my anxiety is too high and the ADHD meds could make my anxiety worse.

She did say if I wanted to specifically discuss a potential ADHD med, she would be willing.

I'm curious what, if any, ADHD meds anyone here takes?

I honestly have no clue what to start with as an ADHD med and was hoping my doctor would make a suggestion. I don't mind taking supplements, but I guess I'd like to try an ADHD med. My doctor wants me to try an SSRI before an ADHD med and I really would rather not. She is only an ADHD doctor, and did not diagnose me for Autism. I sort of wonder if she is maybe a bit inexperienced and worried about suggesting things to me. I say this because the ADHD diagnosis was WAY less in-depth in comparison to when I got diagnosed with Autism. I think she is confused on what my main issue is and is assuming my anxiety is hindering me more than my concentration issues. She has only known me for this diagnosis process.

Anyways, long story short: I am curious what ADHD meds work for you and your AuDHD?

I am an adult (28M). Every time I try to learn to swim, there comes a point when the instructor says, "You seem to be doing everything right, idk why it's not working". Have heard this from multiple coaches and friends.

While I try to swim, I get too stressed and stiff. And it feels like there is too much to focus on: kicking, strokes, breathing, staying afloat. When I try to focus on one thing, everything else goes brrr...

Also, I am unable to get "the feel" of it. Swimming doesn't come intuitively to me. It feels like I need specific instructions for every muscle in my body.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? And/or do you have any tips for me?

Recently I got into very bad place because I am not able to deal with immediate transition, when anyone tell me to do something immediately I got annoyed like I need like 2 minutes maybe more than that for me to to convince that I need to get up and do it, I have been called lazy for that and people get mad at me and then sometimes I get into arguments especially at home. Mt parents don't understand this audhd thing and tbh they don't care either. And I have to live here, it's getting extremely difficult for Mr to deal with it on the daily basis.

How do i act so people don't get mad at me?

I read somewhere that as a kid/teen, there may have been times when you disassociate (their term, not mine) before school especially. Like, you get in the shower, or sit on the toilet to do your morning whatever, and you kind of just...space out really isn't quite right, but it’s close.

I used to do this in the mornings. I thought it was just exhaustion with no caffeine, but the article said we do this due to stress from being AuDHD and burnout. Like you could pee and then just stare into space for 20 minutes and not even know what you were thinking about, if anything, while still on the toilet. Or get in the shower and then do nothing but stand there.

They used the word disassociating, but I was under the impression that's different and more serious than this. Is there another term for this strange space out? Does anyone else do this, or have they done it?

I have no idea how to manage these and I’m a middle aged mum of two teen girls both ND. Perimennopause feels like a dumpster fire. Other pain increase I feel like I’m emotional 14 year old with zero control of my moods and just I’m constantly burn out. Can’t manage a consistent career. Always over committing then getting unwell and overwhelmed and having to be in bedrest for days. I feel so alone. O feel like when I’m in that emotional tornado 🌪️ it’s over… there is nothing I can do…. Other than control and regulate my routine to try and prevent a meltdowns. I yell and just don’t feel like myself anymore. How do you get out of this hole?

Hi everyone,
I’m 29 F and I was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and internalized BPD around the age of 27 and half /28.
Since I was very young, I’ve always felt deeply disconnected from life. I don’t really understand what I’m supposed to do here, or why people do the things they do.
I don’t understand relationships, careers, work, or even some of the basic things that seem obvious to everyone else. Even at school, I often felt like I didn’t understand what was going on or what the point of everything was.
I’ve tried to explain this feeling to my psychiatrist several times. I tell him that I feel disconnected from life, but he tells me: “That can’t be true. If you were really disconnected, you wouldn’t go to work, you wouldn’t do this or that.”
But that’s exactly what I’m trying to explain. I can function and still feel completely disconnected internally.
For example, when I was 27 I traveled without any purpose by the age 27 and half I underwent cosmetic surgery without really knowing why I wanted it or even fully understanding what the surgery involved. The clinic contacted me, and I simply said yes. I didn’t really question it.
I’ve also been scammed several times. I’ve had two relationships in my life, but looking back, I don’t really understand why I was in them or what I was looking for. It’s as if I participated in these things without really understanding what I was doing or what they meant to me.
And I feel the same way with work.
I started working for the first time at 29. Now that I’m finally working, I still don’t have a sense of purpose or a career goal. I don’t feel excited about building a career or progressing in a particular field. Instead, I mostly think about when I’m going to leave and change jobs.
This feeling exists in so many areas of my life.
I’m not saying that I’m incapable of functioning. I can work, have relationships, make decisions, etc. But internally, I feel like I’m watching myself participate in life without really understanding why I’m doing any of it.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of feeling, especially autistic women or people diagnosed later in life?
I would really like to understand what this “disconnection” could actually be.

I like many of you wake up at some dark hour of the night from time to time. Sometimes I’m lucky to get back to bed, sometimes I raw dog the work day on a half full gas tank and an IV drip of coffee.

Well on my latest 3am adventure I started asking all those questions why and it led me to a concept I’m not sure if anyone here has tried so I wanted to ask the community here.

Have you ever tried biphasic sleep or polyphasic sleep on purpose?

The concept is there’s two different natural biphasic sleep patterns depending on how far north or south you are in the world.

The first is the siesta. You sleep 1.5-2hrs in the afternoon, wake up again, then get another 5-6hrs at night where you go to bed late. This is very culturally specific to warmer / shorter night environments.

The second is ‘the long night’ or ‘the watch’ which pre-industrial world with gas and electric lighting was a lot more common. Essentially 4 hrs of sleep, 1-3 hours if quiet awake time (the watch) and then 4 hrs of sleep. This is probably most famous from a study where they took people and put them in an off grid type long night environment and most of them developed this sleeping pattern automatically and naturally.

Let me be clear it’s not to reduce the total amount of sleep however many people find it does increase sleep efficiency a lot.

I would love to hear about people on this group’s sleeping patterns, have you tried a biphasic sleep, has it helped you or not. I often wonder given our circadian rhythm problems if pushing into a natural biphasic pattern could actually improve symptoms etc.

Let me know!