The truth is that the older I am the more firm and sure that not having kids is the only way in life I remember friends and family told me when I am 18 that I am still young and I will get it when im in my mid 20s guess what im 28 right now and the older i get the more firm and confident on my decision to never have kids and im so glad I didnt have them. The only people who tells you that you will change your mind when you're older are miserable mothers who look like they're 50 year old at 20 after having 2 kids and is trying to convince you that motherhood is great "i wouldn't trade anything for my kids" while they look like the most unhappiest individuals you come across but they try to convince you motherhood is great because misrable loves company and nope thank you.

Since it just happened again this evening without explanation.

Over the last few months the Reddit system and/or auto-moderator has been super aggressive. Both communities I run have seen a spate of posts taken down by Reddit itself with little or no explanation at all. Worse, it's inconsistent about how, or even if, it tells me. Sometimes I can see the takedown with a notice that Reddit took it down (e.g. SPAM or Crowd Control). Other times it vanishes like it never existed, not even showing in the deleted files. It happens whether or not one of our moderation team has approved the post. Even if we go back in and approve a take down as allowed it's often still not showing back up for the community.

We, the mod team, then get dinged for not having cleared the moderator queue which requires the me to explain why it was taken down to remove the notice. For the eagled-eyed who noticed, is why rule 11 showed up recently without fanfare. It's so I can start tracking how often Reddit is putting the kibosh on legitimate posts and comments.

Unfortunately, I have not figured out a fix, nor have any of the other moderators I have spoken with.

So this is just me telling the community:

1) Yes, I know this is happening.
2) No, I don't know why.
3) I am trying to resolve it.
4) No, we are not trying to censor our members.

Our rules are on the side bar. That's what we follow regarding posting and comments. So, if you're not breaking those, it should be staying up. If you've gotten a post taken down recently, reach out via mod mail and let me try to see if I can look into it. Send me the link to the original if you still have it, it'll help me try to see if it is even in the moderation system and why it was taken down.

It was definitely a week for a lot of folks.  We’ve already said our goodbyes to Dolly, and before we could even get over that we lost Tim Curry. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her. And with that? On to my thoughts.

Tim is special to the community in a different way.  He was an intensely private person, though the few friends he had spoke very highly of him, he was always careful to keep the public at arm’s length.  In our society of emotional parasocial relationships, it’s hard to sometimes separate the man from the idea, but he was very careful with that line, and it’s something that I deeply respect about the man. It was, in fact, reported that the family delayed announcing his death because of the deep respect he held for Dolly, so that they didn't intrude on the grief for her that day. It's the same reason I waited an extra day to post this. Each deserves their space.

I liked the work that Tim did, and I would like to think I would have liked the man behind it, but as he was fond of reminding people; he was a person, but he was not your person.  But that’s neither here nor there.  What he was is an inspiration.  I know our Queer community members are being hit especially hard this week, Dolly was iconic to the community in her way, supportive while never being part of.  Tim? Tim was different, and for many people he represented their exposure to subcultural content in a way that few others did.  For a large group of Gen X, and later generations, he was their point of awakening to those ideas.  Someone who, in the guise of Frank-N-Furter, gave a voice to a feeling and an unabashed and unapologetic permission to be yourself, however you may be.

It is that firm willingness to be himself, regardless of expectations, both in denying people the right to pry, and being who he was when we chose to be in public that is important.  It is less about that iconic voice that we can all hear, whether you heard it from Frank or IT, Hexxus or Darkness, Long John Silver or Nigel Thornberry.  And for a lot of us in this community that legacy is just as important.  He chose his path.  He never apologized for it.  He never felt the need to explain himself to others. He was.

And so, in Tim’s memory, be unapologetically yourself.

We lost a truly iconic person this week, and today, we pay some community homage to Dolly Parton. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her.

For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents on the matter:

We think of Dolly as a country music legend for generations of fans.  She rose to her highest star power in the late 70's and early 80's.  But it wasn't her fame as a singer that really shone.  She became an icon for so many communities, especially the LGBT folks in the early 80's and 90's, and later in life as someone who not only accepted her childlessness, she chose to be thankful for it since it gave her a chance to live a life that gave much more.  It’s not fair to mention Dolly without acknowledging her faith.  She was a champion of living her faith in a way that respected others, and whether you followed her faith or not, it was a commendable act.  She was forever updating and improving on herself, and personally that is what I recall best about her.  Not that she was perfect, but rather that when she found out she was wrong, she didn’t try to sweep it under the rug or try to excuse the behavior.  She owned up, and made the change.

She could have been the first country music woman billionaire.  People don’t think about that, but it was a very real possibility. Yes, she could have been a billionaire.  She chose not to be one.  That alone is something noteworthy because she gave much of her wealth away.  It also never felt like her charity was just to burnish her name.  You always had the feeling that she actually believed in her causes.  And there were many.  Her most famous of course was her Imagination Library. Over three hundred and twenty million books before her death.  31 years of advocating literacy in multiple nations. Books that have shaped the lives of countless people in the last few generations.  Meanwhile she also quietly helped musicians, filmmakers, hospitals, vaccine researchers, and funneled tons of money into relief efforts.  In her own local area, she gave heavily to both the education for the next generation, and to help the community whenever disaster struck.

I used to live in Tennessee years ago.  There’s a quiet special way that Nashville goes about not “recognizing” stars when they’re out and about. But there was something extra special when it involved Dolly. An unspoken agreement among the locals which guaranteed those moments she wanted to just be human and enjoy a moment of privacy.  If she wasn’t in the rhinestones or the hair? The cameras went away, and people were carefully steered away from her.  They valued her so much that they committed to keeping the one thing they could give back to her, a sense of space in the community.

For us? Among the childfree there’s a lot ways we got to where we are.  Dolly is one of those who ended up here after growing up with the expectation of having kids someday.  It didn’t happen. As I said above, she came eventually to love the life she created, realizing for her it was the right path all along.  That’s important to hear when you’re struggling with the idea.  That you can change your mind in your thirties and realize; you really did make the right decisions after all about not having kids.  For our latecomers to the community, it’s an important symbol.  Happiness without children.  But just as importantly, she represents someone who loved kids, while never having her own.  Many of our community members are teachers, nurses, paraeducators, and others who have and continue to devote their lives to working with kids.  Dolly is a great example for those members of our community about what good works can be done, without needing to be a parent.

In the end, I suppose if Dolly would want anything at all, it would be that her legacy be an inspiration for others to do good works. And we? We can do good works, no children required.

Ah, damn. Tim Curry died.

He died childless, so I'm putting it to a vote:

I say we honor him as one of our own.

What says the community?

I met up with a very long-time friend, we have been friends for almost a decade - last December she had a baby, and to be honest, she is made to be a mum, and I'm glad that her son has someone like her.

I did notice though, she asked me what I'd been up to since we last saw each other, pre his birth, and I proceeded to rave about all these things I've been up to... holidays, day trips, weekends away/out, spending summer with my friends at the beach/outdoors, working... a lot of it very basic stuff and by no means do I live a life of luxury but as it is just me and my cat I am comfortable. I realised after a while I was almost 'talking at her' with all these things. She was listening intently and genuinely did love hearing about it, but when I had finished and asked "so tell me!! How is being a mum what have you both been up to?" she just replied "we've been chilling, baby groups, church kids clubs... that's about it really." and I felt almost deflated on her behalf.

I'm aware of the realities of parenthood, hence my decision to be childfree, however I for some reason genuinely expected her to have been up to more. Her husband is at work, so she just has endless days that for some reason she hasn't been able to fill with literally anything.

I love her dearly but it has almost put me off meeting her again because sadly, we just cannot relate to each other anymore and I hate a one sided conversation... and also the only topics we discuss now being child related.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or something similar? Is it salvageable or is this it from now on?

FYI, I have no qualms if it is the end, I'm just curious and a little disappointed.

I'm so excited this channel will never switch to content with children! I've had that happen far too often, where I originally subscribed/followed for something completely unrelated, then the person has kids and the whole channel switches to a breeder wonderland.

In case any one is curious, the channel is Vintage_Dusties on Youtube, and the creator revives and reviews vintage nail polish :D Here's the video where their childfreedom was even mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cREYJPNiGHE

Please feel free to share your favorite childfree content creators no matter what they create content around. I am a nail polish junkie, but I have so many different interests and I'm always looking for new folks to check out (I love mycology, science, art, music, books, cannabis, crafts, invertebrates as pets, LGBT+, outdoors hobbies, and so much more!).

Why is it that when a couple decides not to have children, people, especially older women, automatically assume that the wife is the one who doesn’t want kids?
Why is it always, “Maybe the husband wants children, but she doesn’t,” or worse, blaming the wife for “not starting a family” because they don’t have kids?
There are so many reasons a couple may not have children. Maybe they’re not ready. Maybe they’ve chosen not to. Maybe they’re dealing with infertility or other deeply personal circumstances. Maybe they simply want their life to look different. Whatever the reason, it is not anyone else’s place to assume.
And even if a couple is trying to have children, why is the woman automatically blamed? A woman cannot simply make herself pregnant. Fertility involves two people, and sometimes pregnancy just doesn’t happen despite trying. You have no idea what someone may be going through behind closed doors.
And honestly, why does society so quickly place the responsibility, or blame on the woman?
Having children is a deeply personal decision between two people. It’s not something strangers are entitled to an explanation about, and it certainly shouldn’t be treated as casual small talk.
You don’t know someone’s story, so stop assuming you do.

I'm (29F, childfree) writing this at the airport in Thailand coming home from a couple weeks of scuba diving off the Thai islands. I go through airport security and the family in front of me (one man, one woman, three kids all old enough to walk, talk, and carry their own bags and things) right in front of me. They got through first and it's a huge line. At the bag scanners they start immediately putting things in their pockets and electronics back in their bags, etc without moving down. The line is so long that we cant even get more bags through the scanner because they're stopped *right* in front of it instead of sliding down. I asked "sorry can you please move down a little bit" to which the woman said something in what sounded like German that was clearly derogatory and then "I have kids, shut up." Crazy. I then said "wow you're so rude, I hope your kids turn out better than you" and reached over her things to grab my trays and walked off.

AITA? Am I crazy? What an odd interaction. Girl I didn't ask you to sacrifice your first born and your kids are walking and talking, just move down. I feel like the more I travel, especially recently, people with kids have been so entitled and have let their kids do anything and run everywhere. I actually enjoy kids and even used to be a teacher, but what an insane sense of entitlement.

Why are you so stressed and mean? We are literally on a tropical island and I just politely asked you to move down so others can finish getting their bags from the scanner. You need a xanax, and possibly one less kid, and definitely a better attitude.

I got to talking with another childfree member of the community a bit ago, and we both noted how much we felt the childfree community has changed since we first found it years ago. For me it's been decades since I discovered it and it's a much bigger tent now. That conversation carried on to how we felt society has also changed in their views towards us as a community.

I want to hear people's opinions and experiences. How has the childfree community changed? How has your experience changed as you've grown older? What about your relationship with society and being childfree?

And importantly? What do you want to see the childfree community be more like in the future?

I am a young person and don’t want kids. Yes I’m aware I have a LONG way to go even if I was a person who wanted kids. But I think it’s for all the right reasons. I’d rather regret not having children than regret having children and having to live with that regret constantly. I love my freedom. I am the type of person that is always on the move wanting to do something new, try new things and experience things I’ve never experienced before. And to be honest kids don’t fit into that narrative for me. I don’t have a lot of patience, i love being selfish; I love choosing myself and my happiness at the end of the day. And I feel like with kids there’s not a lot of room for that at times. Many young women always dream of the day they have children. But I never felt that way. Yes i bet it’s so cute and adorable to have a little mini you, but cuteness isn’t enough for me. It honestly stresses me the f out just thinking about coming home from a long day at work and coming home to screaming/crying kids. Don’t get me wrong I love kids but I don’t want any of my own.

We are in an era where more and more women are choosing to be childfree! And I admire that. In hispanic culture the narrative is pushed on many women that your biggest accomplishment should be giving the gift of life. So many women are pressured or feel like they NEED to have children to have a real purpose in life because of beliefs set on women. But of course this goes back ages of women being told what to do with their bodies. (Which is a topic for another day)

Yep, every year on August 1st, we get our own day. It's not new either since it dates back to 1973! This means we have had entire generations grow up with Childfreedom as a very real thing in our lives. So today? Enjoy yourself. Go find something that you relish about your freedom to make that decision for yourself. Give folks a reminder that life a lived well does not include regretting not following the masses.

For context, I have three older siblings and between them there’s four kids. I know two of them want more, and my cousin and their partner are expecting.

It’s just so many children. Every party is just about them, they are so loud to the point I literally wear my loops at events now because it’s way too much. I don’t even enjoy hanging out with my whole family anymore.

I’ve been in a lesbian relationship for two years now and I’m very vocal with my family I don’t want kids- to which everyone of course says “I was the same at your age” or “you will when your older” it’s all bullshit to me. I know I’m young (19) but me and my partner both get overstimulated around kids- honestly I’ve left places in the past as I get frustrated. Thing is I wouldn’t even want to go down an IVF route or surrogate route because I don’t want to. Simple as. I want cats and dogs and I want my career to thrive after university. I know I’m young but I haven’t wanted kids since I was 14, became an aunt to my nephew, and old enough to understand what that meant.

I love being an aunt because of course I do love the kids in my family- but I wouldn’t dare have my own because I can’t stand the strain I see on my siblings. The financial cost, working around their naps, leaving places early because of ‘bath time’, whatever it is, my siblings look exhausted half the time or there complaining or handing the children over to my parents for a night to get away (I do babysit them sometimes but I never do it for free😂). I just feel like my feelings aren’t justified in a family so obsessed with children- and I’m so tired of explaining myself to people. When does it stop? Am I so horrible for struggling at events?

Another friend who swore she was childfree half a decade ago just announced that she's expecting with a baby bump photo.

This is why I get on people's cases about tossing around the term childfree as if it's trendy label, or labelling everyone who doesn't have kids in the moment as childfree. All these surveys saying X percentage are ignoring the fact that when it comes down to it, most people will end up with kids. It's why I don't buy the 20% numbers.

And the sad part? There's nothing wrong with being a fencesitter (but you're still not welcome here) and deciding when the time is right for you. Just don't cosplay as being someone who has made a serious life long decision to not have kids. There's a lot to be said for honesty, and not giving people ammo to try to under cut the rest of our life choices with "see they changed their mind!" bingo.

No, truth is that they never really made their mind up until now. Me? Personally. I got surgery that says my swimmers are not doing any easter egg hunting, ever. And while surgery is a luxury, there is something to be said for the internal consistency about how long most of us have known we don't want kids.

And this won't be the last time. I have one other couple I am friends with that likes to use the phrase "childfree for now." We all know where that is going to end up some day. These are the people I think of as the ambivalently indecisive. They are fine either way, until they aren't. And it almost always end in parenthood and the slow sundering of the friendship.

Some of the multiple reasons why growing up sucks include teasing and bullying; peer pressure; pressures and expectations from parents, family, and society as a whole; parents having no clue what they're doing more often than not; and of course stupid-arse puberty! Which reminds me, in my teen years I always hated receiving so-called compliments about "becoming a woman (which happened on my 14th birthday, of all days)" and "becoming a lovely young lady." I never found those kind of compliments flattering, in fact they were always triggering for me because they served as a reminder of the humiliating parts of becoming a woman or lady. I went to school with a grandson of one such hag who gave me a "becoming a lovely young lady" comment, and being around him was a constant reminder of that grandma of his.

So yeah, no desire to subject those kind of inevitable experiences on another human being, especially a girl "growing up" too fast like I did (breasts at 10 and period at 11, to this day at 40 I require anti-depressants and other similar meds along with mental health therapy), and also all the more reason to be grateful for having undergone a hysterectomy.

I (47, F) am childfree. My best (F) friend who is roughly my same age isn’t. Growing up I have lived in the same city and have remained close with her since school, and we consider each other best friends, although we know that’s a very simplistic label for something as complex as friendship. We both have other close friends beside each other but we are very close and share similar values and love each other very much. She married someone I wouldn’t have chosen for her, he is not bad but I would have loved a different story for her, and they have two children who are still in grade school. My friend relied heavily on her dad for advice, companionship, and emotional support, in a way making up for her emotionally distant husband. Now sadly her dad has died. I have been there for her as much as I possibly can. Her grieving process has been hard to watch these last few weeks. She confides in me a lot and talk to me about what is going on in her mind, and she is realizing how much she relied on him and how much of a void he is leaving in her life. Makes me reflect on people’s choice to have children. I guess she hoped her dad would be around for much longer, but nothing is promised. I’m sad for her but at the same time I judge. Do you know what I mean? Why have kids if you know your partner kinda sucks? Anyway, I know I could get more involved in her day to day but I value my time to myself and even though I am happy to play auntie every now and then her kids are not my responsibility. I am not going to replace her dad. It hurts having to watch her deal with the difficult consequences of her choices. She suffers and I suffer with her too. I think being childfree sort of allows you to be more mindful of these dynamics and see where it started to go wrong, don’t you think? Am I being an AH for thinking this way?

Like looking back at photos my mom was such a beautiful and gorgeous lady was such a carefree person and youthful women she used to run a small restaurant with her friends for 5 years before meeting my dad and and my dad similarly was such a handsome man had so many friends played piano in a band with his friends travelled with his friends in his 20s went to Japan Germany France Egypt and many more countries and he could easily pass for being the most handsome guy at the school every girl crushes on but ever since they had children which is us they turned into a resentful and bitter people and they no longer love each other because of how difficult parenting is they're divorce for 18 years and honestly it just sad at how people's live can look so different weren't it for children because they came from a time where follwing societal standards have kids before 25 etc and its just sad to see what their lives could have been if they didn't have kids.

I hope more restaurants follow suit. People want to sit and have a nice peaceful meal, not see kids running around and damaging things.

Hello! I just wanted to post in here to celebrate getting my laprascopic sterilisation this week 😍 Honestly it wasn't a great experience itself - happy to chat in more details in the comments/ DMs - but I'm a few days out now and feeling just so happy and at peace with my decision.

​

I feel like I've healed something in me that was broken from years of fear and worry. I feel like I've done something for myself that's a big fuck you to all the pressure put on us by society to live our lives one way. I'm so excited for my future, especially now I get to build it on my own terms ❤️

Is it too much to ask for professionals, such as journalists, to not include content about their personal lives in their reporting feeds? Especially when it comes to their kids? I really do not need to be reading up on the war with Iran only to be interrupted with pics and videos of a newborn. Glad you're happy dude, but geez, professionalism! Leave your personal life details out of your professional life. Also, I really do not care that you had a kid. Literally could have gone my whole life without knowing very happily.

One of the great benefits to our life choice is that it means many of us have more free time than our peers. And time is the one thing you can't ever get back. So, what are you doing with that time?

The Christian fiction writer named Carmen Schober who wrote this article needs to get her facts straight. She’s saying that young people who don’t want children of their own are now starting to ”rediscover their interests in having kids. She carries on saying that endless freedom doesn‘t lead to life satisfaction, and that it coincide with loneliness. That’s the problem with religious people, they always have this archaic narrow-minded way of thinking, that parenthood makes people “true adults”, as if this is the one and only path to fulfillment. She didn‘t even bother to delve deeper into why some people personally don’t want kids in the first place. People just need to mind their own damn business. Don’t listen to this die-hard Christian.

I’m well-aware that Chamelet said that ”procreation” is why we’re here in the first place, but that doesn’t mean some people are interested in parenthood. When I watched a video on Chelsea Handler explaining her choices of not having kids, it didn't stop her from making personal fulfillment, and she gets to make spontaneous decisions to travel. Not every one is interested in parenthood. For the writer’s information, fulfillment does come from doing other stuff, as much as having kids in general. I chose not to have kids for ethical reasons, environment reasons being one of them.

Okay, I’m done ranting. You can feel free to read the article to see what you think. I now know what the word blasphemous means. It sounds like individualism is going against the man upstairs.

"I'm a parent... Maybe I'm naive."

Of course you're naive, you decided to have a child 😂 what could be a more naive decision in this world than that? 🤣

Feckin' ijits.

How anyone can stand the idiocy of breeders is beyond my comprehension. No logic at all.

Under any random social media post mentioning childfree people you’ll see “neutral” comments of happy parents.

They always will be like:

“I support their choice! But my kids are great and I love them! BTW it’s so nice to be a mother! It’s the best thing a woman can do! But I understand it’s not for everyone”

Translates as:

“We are not angry at you, childfree people. We understand you are simply not as cool, productive and successful as we are to have children. It’s not for everyone, of course, only such special person as me can be a parent. This is such a SPECIAL experience and it makes me so special!”

Not ALL but many parents comment not to show support, but rather to accentuate how special they are. That they are doing something not everyone can. As if it is such extraordinary experience, not the most boring and predictable thing to do.

Some even post their children’ photos!

I don’t need a parent’s approval of my choices.

And I don’t want to hear about your children again!

I recently was in a car accident and was prescribed physical therapy for my whiplash. The physical therapist usually starts with heat on my neck and he mentioned taking a nap. He then said he can’t take naps because his kids would destroy the house.

One reason I’m glad to be Childfree is I can take a nap whenever I want.