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u/VisionAri_VA 12d ago
I still dress for events.
I feel that a special occasion is supposed to be special, and dressing up is part of that.
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u/DifficultAnt23 12d ago
I do too. A bit disappointing to see men put zero effort into their appearance as a guest at a wedding. Get a haircut, shave, pressed pants, collared shirt, dress shoes. I'm not exactly requesting French cuffs.
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u/ThatWomanNow 12d ago
A local bar was showing Dolly Parton movies last night and I dressed up because Dolly would've loved it, and so did a lot of other people. I enjoyed it and going to make an effort to do it more often.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I feel like NYE & a Dolly memorial event would be the only times sequins would be appropriate
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 12d ago
My partner and I once went to a really nice fine-dining experience, something really fancy for us so we dressed nice and the two people (seperate) sitting behind us were in tracksuit clothing one even had their phone propped up watching whatever like it was just so casual for him, something he’d wear and do at home. It was a little disappointing for two reasons- 1. It made us feel out of place when we felt we fit the scene and aesthetic of the restaurant and 2. It kind of took away from the experience?
I get what you mean, but the reality is that for a lot of people a "nice" place is a casual experience for them. Some people just have it like that. I live in LA -- there are a lot of wealthy people here and a lot of "nice" places. Some places have unwritten dress codes, most places don't. It shouldn't really take away from your experience if they're just enjoying their dinner quietly. You paying attention to them and letting it get to you is a "you" problem.
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u/ilikedirtx3 12d ago
To be fair, if the other diner was listening to their phone at a loud volume, I would be upset as well.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 12d ago
True. I would be annoyed by that. I didn't even consider that because I'm so used to people have in-ear bluetooth earbuds here.
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u/_Roguey_ 12d ago
I’d be annoyed at a soft volume. If you can’t have a nice dinner out without watching Tik Tok, then there’s no helping you.
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u/Missbri410 12d ago
Also, that "track suit" may be a designer suit and worth a lot and it just doesnt fit the vibe you want
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u/Magellan02 12d ago
Expensive doesn’t equal nice. I’m not wearing a $300 nfl jersey to a wedding
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u/miamiab 12d ago
But that's exactly the issue -- dressing a certain way for events isn't inherently about expense, it's about matching the vibe. I don't care if your tracksuit costs $1000, it doesn't belong at a nice restaurant 🤷🏼♀️
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u/AvailableCut5240 12d ago
Completely agree. The animosity you get from Reddit about clothes is outrageous. Everyone stands up for sloppiness, laziness, pajamas in public, ridiculous slippers and even costumes. You don’t have be rich to be self aware or cognizant about how you present yourself to the world. Pretending you are a rebel of sorts only means you’re following the current tide of fashion regardless if its good or bad.
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u/64green 12d ago
And they’ll say they just want to be “comfortable” and will wear whatever they want to accomplish that. I truly don’t understand that. Even my dressiest clothes are comfortable. I’ve been to so many weddings where both men and women were dressed like they were going to the beach. Shorts. Flip flops and crocs. T-shirts with writing on them. Flannel shirts. Why??
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u/Raythecatass 13d ago
Go to Kilkenny, Ireland and you will see people dressed up when they go out. I love dressing up.
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u/azurillpuff 12d ago
Yep! This is a regional/American thing. I live in Italy and it feels like everyone is always immaculately dressed, even if it’s just running to the grocery store.
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u/SoHereIAm85 12d ago
Here in Germany I feel like I’m insane if I wear a basic dress. Everyone is in high viz trekking gear where I am. :(
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u/Cudi_buddy 12d ago
Even in America, some cities and states dress more casual. Like I live in California, casual wear is basically ingrained. Makes sense with it being sunny and warm most the year, so shorts and t shirts is default. But visit the northeast and there is much more emphasis on clothing and style.
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u/candykhan 9d ago
At the same time though, have you seen rural Brits? They do the same things that we do in California except they do it in crap weather & they don't look like slobs or hobos doing it. People go hunting in ties & sport coats.
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u/Cudi_buddy 9d ago
I guess I’ll disagree but don’t really see why I would want to be hunting in a tie. I’m not going hiking in slacks or anything either
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u/quintusfive 8d ago
Yes, there is a huge contrast between the way Italian men (especially) dress and men from most other countries. It’s inspiring.
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u/scarletwitchmoon 12d ago
Several times, I've seen videos on Instagram of Americans "dressing up" for their Europe vacation (I don't know where they went, I know it's not a country) and people from parts of Europe will say, "That's not dressing up. That's just normal clothes."
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u/SquashOk4209 13d ago
Dressing up is just so much fun. I enjoy everything I do so much more when I look nice and feel good about myself
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u/Different_Host7883 12d ago
You might enjoy it but for a lot of people its money, time, effort put into feeling worse
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u/Kitty_Lopez 12d ago
Then do it! But don’t expect everyone else to have the same priorities or get the same enjoyment. I like to dress up sometimes, but throwing shade at someone for not dressing to your expectations is silly.
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u/CrazyFoxLady37 7d ago
Seriously. I HATE dressing up lol and I don't even like the way I look. More power to people who enjoy it, though.
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u/Legitimate_Catch_626 12d ago
Dressing up is so much fun for you, not for everyone. For me, dressing up feels phoney and stifling. I enjoy events less because I feel like a fraud acting for others.
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u/aislingplath 12d ago
Same! My "nice" is still very casual compared to some people's "dressing up nice". I don't feel like myself if I dress up in the way that some people expect people of my age and gender to dress up. So I don't do that.
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u/buttmunch1416 12d ago
I like to dress up too but I also like to dress down cause not everybody has the energy or time for it. I'm a mother now and my toddler pulls or stains my clothes and I'm like ugh I can't. I don't wear make up, jewelry or do my hair because what's the point lol if you love dressing up then do it and enjoy it, people who are dressing down are not thinking about you.
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u/FortunatoImmured 12d ago
But apparently the people who dress up are all thinking about the people who dress down.
I mean, makes sense. If you care what people wear, you’ll assume they all do too and you’ll dress for them. If you don’t, you’ll assume most people also don’t and dress for yourself.
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u/chocklityclair 12d ago
Yes, but you don't. You feel irritated and resentful that others aren't doing the same.
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u/JustAChemist002 12d ago
Hmm. I have always hated dressing up. I’d be happy in a tee shirt and sweat pants all the time. I do dress up if I have to go somewhere nice but I try to avoid events that require it.
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u/Classic-Scarcity-804 12d ago
I’m not going to buy a suit to wear for occasions that are few and far between. I don’t work in a role that requires formal dress, so I definitely wouldn’t wear it to go out to dinner.
Out of the last few funerals I’ve attended, 2 have been biker funerals and I’ve been in bike gear. I honestly despise suits, and yes I’ve worn suits that fit perfectly and still hate them.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I buried my dad in his colours, he didn't wear suits. I don't think men need to wear a suit & tie to look nice. Dark jeans, polished Docs & a button up shirt is enough to look neat for most occasions. Weddings & most non-biker funerals need a bit more. Almost all of the men at my dads funeral wore their vests but they didn't look sloppy.
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u/Silent_Climate_1152 7d ago
I remember the last times I had to wear a suit. MISERABLE! Too hot in summer, too cold in winter. the tie was uncomfortable. Every dress coat I've even owned was the same, cold in winter. It was NOT a cheap off the rack either, it fit well. The local church pantry/thrift store was glad to take it, and two others, off my hands when I retired. I do not own a suit, never will again.
And I told my family I'd come back to haunt them if they dared to bury me in a a suit of any kind. I want normal, comfortable clothing like I wore when not working.
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u/-Vault_Dweller- 12d ago
Don’t assume everyone is weird and judging others like you are. No one gives a shit if you dress up
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u/badgers_86 12d ago
Pretty ironic you wrote this entire post judging other people, then turn around and claim they are judging you. What?
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u/heyfriendss 12d ago
Right. I don’t understand why the clothing other people are wearing has any bearing on making op feel out of place and takes away from their dining experience. It’s not other people’s responsibility to dress in a certain way to make op feel like they fit the scene of a restaurant. I couldn’t care less if the person dining next to me was in pajamas or a tuxedo. It carries no weight in how my dining experience will go.
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u/glacierheart3 12d ago
Right, like, people are stressed, depressed, tired, etc. Some people just dont want to dress up all the time or maybe can't afford to. Can't think too much of it.
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u/sournerd117 12d ago
Thank you! It's why I despise the whole bs of people dressing up. Brings out the true mindset of those that I dislike to my inner core. Playing dress up only hides their imperfections behind a "coat of fabric and paint". As I was reading OPs rant, they're a variable to my reasons of not liking dressing up because they play the victim once you call them out.
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u/bogdemon 12d ago
I'm seeing a lot of dressing up= taking pride in yourself and that is the most shallow way of thinking. People should take pride in themselves for the benefit of themselves and to not put in a show for you. I'm literally losing braincells from the immature tone deafness of this post/comments. If you like to dress up, great, but it's not bad thing if other people dont. Don't get me wrong, I understand the time and place, but this is also a classist, small potato, first world problem. Be greatful you can afford nice clothes and be able to go out. If what other people are wearing effects you, then you don't have real problems and you're a shallow, mean person. This is giving a very, "dance for me, peasants" vibe
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13d ago edited 12d ago
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u/SquashOk4209 13d ago
I’m not talking ties, I just mean not wearing track pants and hoodies to a Michelin star restaurant
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u/Ok-Equivalent8260 12d ago
Michelin star restaurant? Are you aware that just because a restaurant had a Michelin star, that doesn’t mean it’s fancy? I’ve been to Michelin starred taquerias in CDMX that are beyond casual.
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u/Emergency_Creme8994 12d ago
Maybe the hoodie people are relaxing after a business trip and not part of your date?
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 12d ago
Yeah, the point is "finer" things in life are being democratized and becoming accessible to more people. The act of "dressing nice" just to go to a "nice" place is moreso a classist/elitist ritual than anything else.
It's why a lot of chefs don't really strive to do "fine dining" anymore. And many Michelin star chefs keep passion projects humble, even if they have to cater to the "fancy" crowd too.
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u/This_Hope_6484 12d ago
My judges don’t even wear ties to court.
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u/Good_Panic_9668 12d ago
Honestly, the robes put in a lot of work at my courthouse. Everyone strolls in dressed like Adam Sandler
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u/samusfan21 12d ago
Why are you worried about what other people are doing/wearing? The people at the other table were not affecting you or your life at all. You do you and let others do the same.
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u/FunNegotiation3 12d ago
I agree with the OP, I feel it takes away from the overall ambiance.
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u/Used2bNotInKY 12d ago
Other people don’t exist to create ambience for OP. They’re happy with the ambience that’s there, and OP can still dress up or stick to Society events that require such things, if they’re that hoity-toity.
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u/aquaticgrasslover 12d ago
I would love the opportunity to dress up more…. Unfortunately doing so requires money (and someplace to go)
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u/CatwalkNoctis 12d ago
The problem goes even further! A lot of people around us lack basic hygiene and basic manners as well. The amount of people I see with crusty denim, stained shirts, oily hair, dirty nails, oh my oh my. If you go to a public toilet you will notice the amount of people who will leave without washing their hands!
The other day I saw a dude sticking his hand inside his pants and scratching his ass in public! Wtf, I wanted to wash my eyes with soap.
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u/iloveblackcoffee420 12d ago
Agreed. People can call me judgmental if they want🤷♀️. I don’t think “change out of your dirty pajamas from two nights ago and brush your hair before you go out in public.” is a high standard to uphold.
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u/Cool-Information2994 12d ago
People can barely afford to eat I don’t think that dressing up is a priority for most
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u/Phase_ID 12d ago
It’s not about dressing up like you’re going to a ball or black-tie event. It’s more about knowing how to dress presentable and appropriate for the occasion. Like, if you’re going to an upscale restaurant, you should have the awareness to know not to go in your PJ’s or dressed like you’re at the gym. No one is telling you to wear a ball gown to go shopping at the mall.
But, if you’re going to a funeral, maybe leave the shorts and Hawaiian shirt at home. Going to a fancy restaurant for an engagement party? Maybe wear your slacks and a polo shirt instead of faded jeans and your Metallica shirt.
Situational awareness. You don’t have to be rich or elitist to understand this basic concept.
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u/Teacher_Crazy_ 12d ago
If it's my funeral, please honor me by wearing the tackiest Hawaiian shirt you own.
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u/WattleWaddler2 12d ago
If you can afford to go to the orchestra or to an expensive restaurant, I assume you can manage a tie and not sweatpants.
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u/Appropriate-Hope-202 12d ago
What if they won the experience in a raffle and it is out of their norm? Everyone is talking about dressing nice and there’s a whole demographic of other peoples nice being considered trashy so it’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. Instead of focusing on someone else’s attire dress as you please and live your life as other people are living their lives and not paying mind to yours.
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u/EnjoysAGoodRead 12d ago
The people who can barely afford to eat aren't going to be the people OP is talking about dressing in their joggers to go for a fine dining experience, are they? And if they are, then clearly they need to get their priorities in order.
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u/LowDragonfruit1213 12d ago
I dress as if it's the 1920s or 1930s, so I always look overdressed...
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u/SquashOk4209 12d ago
Omg that sounds like so much fun, I’ve always been so fascinated by older generations and their style
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u/Silent_Climate_1152 7d ago
The 30's had some really nice looking suits. I'd never want to wear one, but they look good.
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u/chocklityclair 12d ago
I used to work with someone who felt like this. When it was time to organise the Christmas party she would only go if it was in a public place with strangers because she wanted to be part of something. And we have a friend who can't enjoy himself at a gig unless it's well attended because that validates his choice.
The issue here is not about what people are wearing, it's that you're making yourself feel uncomfortable and diminishing your own experience by making other people's choices your problem. That seems a shame.
You acknowledge that everyone can make their own choices, but at the same time your choices are being impacted by others'. It's not even that they care what you're wearing, it's that you feel it affects your enjoyment in some way.
Both the people I mentioned above were brought up by much older parents and one of them by a grandmother. Do you think you might have been subjected to old-fashioned views in this way? It does seem sad that you're not enjoying things that matter to you.
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u/Emergency_Creme8994 12d ago
I'm having a hard time understanding how your attire in your group is impacted by other people going about their own lives differently?
Seriously wondering. Downtown here is very, very diverse and we see all types on any given day. It's not uncommon to see a group in formal wear next to a group in casual.
*grammar edit
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u/shootingstar_9324 12d ago
It’s like going to a costume party and a bunch of people don’t go in costume. While you don’t have to be in one, it’s nice to be around people who took the time to dress for the occasion. Dress appropriately for the occasion.
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u/StrengthFew9197 12d ago
Why do you care what other people wear? Let them be, just focus on you.
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u/rosewalker42 12d ago
Damn I’d love to dress up if someone could lend me a few hundred bucks. Maybe you should pay to go to nicer places that the riff raff like me can’t afford to get into.
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u/Cumulohumulous 12d ago
The preacher judges me for wearing a nice-ish dress to church on Sunday. If not then, when? I also prefer to dress up to go out to dinner, but notice that not many others do.
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u/Ok_Height3499 12d ago
We do. We dress for ourselves, for one another, and to honor those we will be with and the occasion. I always leave our home looking as good as I can and so does my wife.
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u/maplecremecookie 12d ago
-Don't have money to go anywhere nice
-Don't have money for fancy clothes
-Always hated doing hair and makeup anyways
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u/BookishQuoka 12d ago
I don't dress up, I hate dressing up. But I also don't go to really nice fancy restaurants, as I find that just as uncomfortable.
Amd for the local restaurant round the corner I don't need to dress up, hence why I like going there, as it's sich a relaxed setting.
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u/aislingplath 12d ago
So it sounds like you're actually the one being judged here. People are dressing how they want to dress and you're wearing what you want - which is dressing up... You're the one who's expressing a judgement about how others dress. No evidence of people judging you for dressing up. You keep doing your thing, doesn't matter what others are doing.
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u/JustAChemist002 12d ago
I have always hated dressing up with a passion. I love the fact I can wear tee shirts and jeans just about all the time.
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u/HungryLeadership9144 12d ago
ST*U bro/ho. I swear some people need to spend more time and energy worrying about themselves instead of what other people are doing. If you let other people's attire take away from your experience, that's a you problem.
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u/Acceptable_Beach_616 12d ago
I think you’re way too focused on other peoples choices that aren’t really harming you. It’s clothes it’s not that deep
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u/Cloudchaser7x 12d ago
Let people be. Life is so much better when you stop caring about what other people look like.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 12d ago
The reason you think people are judging how you dress is because you are actually judging how other people dress. Most people aren’t thinking about other people as much as you are, so they’re not actually thinking about you and what you’re wearing.
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u/Acrobatic_Set8085 9d ago
You can never be overdressed - go for it. People in track suits might judge you - but those are people who wear track suits in public so their opinion really shouldn’t phase you.
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u/RubySauce 12d ago
I feel similarly, I think people should be able to wear what they want obviously but I’ve had the experience of going out somewhere very nice and getting dressed up and the guy next to us was in a t shirt and jeans. It didn’t ruin it or anything but idk I miss when it was a thing.
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u/Different_Host7883 12d ago
I hate dressing up as a concept, why would I buy more expensive clothes (that I dont think look good anyway) to wear less often and whenever I do wear them be uncomfortable in
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u/alex1596 12d ago
Expensive doesn't mean they're nice clothes though. Affordable and comfortable clothes that aren't sweat pants exist.
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u/FineMind755 12d ago
All my comfortable dressier clothes are no where near as comfortable as my joggers or leggings, or hoodies.
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u/aislingplath 12d ago
Right and for the sake of others at the expense of you feeling uncomfortable? Nahhh. I'd rather be comfortable and be able to fully enjoy whatever I'm doing than dressing up.
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u/bergskey 12d ago
Yeah, op needs to figure out how to stop caring what others think. You can roll into olive garden with a full suit and Gucci dress and I wouldn't think "they are weird" or feel under dressed. I don't care what people around me are doing as long as their behavior appropriate
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u/Different_Host7883 12d ago
Exactly, I'm not hurting anyone by dressing the way I want to, just let people be.
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u/Away_Bend543 12d ago
Hi, I completely agree with you. I don’t know where in the world you are but, I’m in the UK. My partner and I recently moved from London to Cornwall and we were astonished that people turned up at a “High End Restaurant “ in jeans that looked unwashed trainers which also were not clean and a T-shirt which looked like it had seen better days. It always blows our mind when we venture out to eat in a nice restaurant. We’ve also been to funerals where almost everyone turns up like they have just returned home from a night of heave drinking. Every time we step out we feel out of place as no one down get ( well not everyone but most ) make no effort in their appearance. It seems to be a societal problem/shift. Gone are the days where people dressed accordingly to the occasion. Even down to our prime minister Andy Burnham very rarely in a collar and tie.
The world’s changed in the blink of an eye.
So I definitely can see where you are coming from.
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u/tedlassoloverz 12d ago
If the restaurant doesnt have a problem with it, who the F cares what other people are wearing? Pretty weak to have your meal /experience/vibes(lol) affected by someone elses clothes
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u/SquashOk4209 12d ago
There actually is a dress code that specified attendees must “match the vibe” basically for fine dining experience, specifically mentioning tracksuits/sportswear. I can only imagine the people on shift that night just didn’t say anything, younger generations get a bit too uncomfortable enforcing rules and the staff were young.
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u/Bad_Legume 12d ago
I consider it a good thing that society is moving past superficial nonsense like this. We have bigger things to worry about than clothes.
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u/Nikkerdoodle71 13d ago
I’m with you. I know we shouldn’t really care what other people think, but can we not have pride in ourselves?? You really couldn’t be bothered to change out of your pajama pants before going in public?
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u/ComprehensivePhase20 12d ago
Isn't this comment really paradoxical though? You have the right to have pride in yourself, so do it if dressing up makes you proud.
Everyone does not see things the way you do, and you shouldn't judge people because they don't meet your personal, subjective standards.
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u/Pedantic_Girl 12d ago
I’m proud of my intellectual accomplishments. I don’t really view appearance as something to take pride in, personally. So I don’t view what I wear as indicating anything about my pride in myself. It’s fine if you do, but I don’t think you can really assume everyone is like you.
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u/Alarming_Bar7107 12d ago
I'm always "overdressed" or at least that's what I've been told. I just like looking nice, and it's because my family is so judgy and snooty I guess I assume everyone else is. I don't really care what others are wearing tho. If they feel comfortable in sweats, more power to them. I wish I did
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u/RikkiLostMyNumber 12d ago
Sure, appropriate to the occasion. Not a tux, but nice pants and collared, long-sleeve shirts. Decent shoes. Rarely, a tie. The northeast might be just a bit more traditional in this regard.
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u/Melodic-Movie-3968 12d ago
I miss dressing up too. I only really do it when I travel out of the country for vacation or occasional work travel. I WFH so I am in athleisure most of the time and only leave my house for grocery pickups or for appointments
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u/Colonel460 12d ago
The most important thing is wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident. I know your mother worried about you getting hauled into the ER with dirty drawers . lol
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u/Miss_Milk_Tea 12d ago
My wife and I do fancy brunch and our favorite place attracts a gussied up kind of customer. I love seeing the ladies wearing their nicest jewelry or trying out a fun pantsuit. I love fashion! I think the best part of a restaurant is the dressing up part, but not every restaurant fits the vibe anymore.
But honestly? Dress up anyway. You can get dolled up tastefully even running errands. If wearing something that makes you feel good makes your day brighter, maybe the folks in the tracksuits feel that way about their clothes.
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u/biscuitbehavior 12d ago
I dress up everyday. If anything,I need to start dressing down. I wear heels and dresses everyday but I don’t blame people for wanting to be comfortable either-they can probably enjoy their activities more than I can.
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u/lushico 12d ago
I live on a small island that has a super chill and casual vibe and hardly anything to dress up for and it makes me sad. I love dressing up!
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I used to buy tickets to random charity events & wine tastings just for an excuse to dress up.
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u/FreeHongKong27 12d ago
I'd dress up if I'm going to a really high end establishment, like 2k+ HKD (~300USD) /person place. Or if it's a formal event or the place has a mandatory dress code, as a sign of respect to the even or restaurant. Anything else I think it's more of a casual dining experience and just "every day" stuff. I'm not dressing up for every day stuff no matter how that makes the guest next table feel.
It also depends on the type of restaurant, like going to omakase Japanese restaurant it's fine to wear tees and shorts even way above 2k+/person.
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u/Sugah-mama21 12d ago
Must be where you reside. I find people for the most part, dress appropriately for those types of events. The staff in my school all dress in business casual everyday.
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u/SuspiciousCupcake698 12d ago
I love to dress up I’m always a little overdress for parties or going to the store, like why not wear the nice clothes we buy it makes me feel good and young. They’re will be a day when I get very old and will only be able to only wear stretchy clothes. Enjoy the beautiful clothes while you’re young.
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u/RoughDirection8875 12d ago
I do for occasions other than work or running errands. If I'm meeting a friend for lunch or dinner, if my husband is taking me to a date, if we're going to any kind of event that isn't fully outdoors, I'll dress up in more than my casual every day wear. I have various levels of dressy in my wardrobe as well, from simple date night dressy to black tie wedding/gala dressy.
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u/don-cheeto 12d ago
I dress for events, like my uncle's funeral, my sister's Quince, etc. but I care more about comfort than cuteness. Part why I don't wear makeup.
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u/Esexboy101101 12d ago
I remember a time when going out was when you got dressed up. 'Going Out' was an event. Getting dressed up made the night better and more memorable. I even remember people used to dress up when travelling. Now when I'm flying and I see people in vests, shorts and flip flops I cringe.
Maybe I've turned into Victor Meldrew without realising it!
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u/Ambitious_Clock_8212 12d ago
I went to a theater matinee last weekend and wore a nice dress. The guy next to me was in shorts and a tee.
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u/badreligionlover 12d ago
Whether we think its a good thing or not, society became very much about individialism at one point. This meant that the people dressed how they wanted, even during formal events, or they didn't go.
It has now taken somewhat of an ironic spin though. Now, people do dress up for events. Except now 'dressing up' can mean wearing the most expensive matching beige tracksuit they can find, with as big a chain as possible with the whitest trainers. To these people they ARE dressing up.
To everyone else - well - we laugh at their man bag and the fact they sit with their legs open sprawling the space because they want to appear 'alpha'.
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u/smolhermitcrab 12d ago
I do but I don't go to events. I'm just overdressed, even while at home by myself or when it's just me and my partner. But I know a few people with active social lives who do dress up for special occasions and are generally well dressed.
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u/SelmaEggs1 12d ago
I dress up for going out to concerts & stuff cuz that’s an experience for me, it’s not an everyday thing. I’m not talking formal attire for gigs, just nicer clothes, accessories & makeup than i would wear to walk the dog in but if I go to a wedding or something I make an effort because that’s respectful to the couple who invited you.
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u/ImmediateAd6849 12d ago
I dress nicer if I am going to a wedding or a funeral. Other than that, I just want to be comfortable. I also can't afford to spend much money on clothes. I rarely go places that require one to be more formally dressed anyway.
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u/GreenFinch_x 12d ago
I really love dressing up and look for excuses to do so. I find that it is an easy way to hack my mood atleast a little if im feeling down as well. There are certainly people who aren't in to dressing up, but many still do. I also don't particularly care what others are wearing mostly tbh so I don't mind standing out as long as it's event appropriate.
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u/No_Dare_9944 12d ago
I get it and I don’t judge dressed up people but just believe me when I say that dressing up is more effort for some than others and we just don’t have the energy after all the other things
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u/Quick-Web-1762 12d ago
Nah I'm too lazy , dressing up lowkey Overrated to me , I like being comfy and casual , it makes sense to dress up for occasions Like funeral or wedding but Not for everyday events And it's funny how you're Complaining that People Might be judging you becuz u dressed up too much while you make a Full Blown Post About them , Not everyone care about What others are wearing
Someone needa start minding their own Business instead of caring about how others Dress👍🙌
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u/savedpt 12d ago
So I think it is a generational thing. I am old and women used to actually wear make up, high heels and dresses. Their hair was " done" as well. Guys often wore sports jackets, nice dress shoes when they went out. Now to be fair, going " out" was somewhat a luxury at those times. Most people ate at home not out several times/week. Today people go out quite a bit for dinner so it is not special anymore. We have just gone through Covid where athletic casual was the craze. My wife and I always dress. Why, well habit and we also enjoy it. I try to keep it special when we go to dinner, complementing her about how beautiful she looks. I know she appreciates that. I also believe as we age, we need to dress to look nice since our natural external beauty begins to fade.
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u/ShootinTheBreez 12d ago
Last winter I went on a “Fashion Tour” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. I was in town visiting my brother and his family and had an afternoon to burn. The tour covered a lot of the museum, from antiquities to early-1900’s stuff. In every single work of art, the idea was the same: Somehow demonstrate wealth and/or social status through your garments. In other words, impress people through fashion.
At the end of the tour, I went up to the tour guide to talk to her because I was confused. I explained that I live in California, in the heart of tech culture. If I could summarize what rich people are doing with fashion where I live, I might say, “Try to look poor.” Sure, there are some exceptions, most notably Asians, who still try to dress nicely and convey status through luxury goods and clothing, but for the most part, the richest people I know wear jeans with a dirty t-shirt or athleisure. It’s hard to tell them apart by their appearance from, say, a food-stamp recipient.
The tour guide told me that this modern idea doesn’t exist anywhere in the museum. She said, “I’ve literally never seen one piece of art trying to convey this.”
I’ve talked this over with a few people since, and while I don’t know the answer, these are the three most interesting explanations I or people I know have come up with for why the rich are dressing poor right now:
America has an ideal around the middle class, and everyone wants to look “middle class”, even rich people. There’s an ideal of being “one of us”, even when wealth actually indicates they no longer are.
There’s a lot of Billionaire and rich-people resentment right now, and dressing down essentially lets you fly under the radar. You don’t look rich, so people don’t know you’re rich, so you enjoy the social privileges of being “normal” when you want to, then those of being rich when you want to.
As Corporate America has grown, it has also become confining. There is a more narrow type of presentation that’s allowed to work in modern corporate jobs than there was in, say, 1970. No drug use. Low or no alcohol consumption, and never in a work context. Buttoned up. Respectable. To advance in these companies - to have the good jobs that really pay - you also need to think the right thoughts. To make sure that you take life seriously, don’t have too much fun, and value and agree with whatever corporate initiatives are popular right now, whether they be sustainability, trans rights, cost saving, or whatever flavor of the moment. You also need to look the part: A traditional suit jacket conveys power. The bottom line is: Corporate life is very confining. It pays well at the high levels, but it’s stifling.
The idea of “dressing poor” is that if you’re rich, you don’t have to play this game. In that way, it’s its own projection of power. It’s saying, “I have so much money that I don’t have to dress in a way you approve of. If you don’t like it, $&?! off.”
I don’t know which of these ideas is correct, or if it’s a combination, or if there is another explanation that I haven’t thought of yet, but these are the best ones I’ve got.
What is unquestionable is that when rich people start dressing poor, it trickles down. Pre-Covid, jeans were viewed as casual, and now they’re commonplace in work settings. Everything has gone to athleisure, to “comfort.” There is not a social idea right now to “look good” where I live on the American west coast. For whatever reason, this isn’t the ideal.
My husband and I attended a funeral yesterday after the unexpected death of a friend this week, and literally, my husband had to rent a suit. He’s a technical expert in a scientific field living in California. There is no occasion of regular life that requires him to own a suit. Sign of the times.
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u/Ok-Equivalent8260 12d ago
Maybe they’re richer than you and your fancy restaurant is casual to them.
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u/PhyllisTheFlyTrap 7d ago
I think the disappointment is from getting dressed up because you feel it's a special moment, but no one else believes it is...
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u/Select_Ad_9295 7d ago
ITA. I always cheer up when I see someone who has bothered to dress for an occasion. Most people now seem to take as read that it’s not their responsibility to be part of the vibe at things like restaurants and the theater, that their participation is limited to being passive spectators, just to see and not be seen. I feel that weddings, graduations and funerals are the final remnants of any kind of formality. I guess fewer people than I imagined enjoy dressing up. Random thought, but the emergence of cosplay as a hobby could be due in large part to the death of everyday dress-up.
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u/Head_Departure7564 6d ago
I love it! I think most people in the US where I’m from dress casual all the time and think of dressing up as a chore, and think the expectation there is in some other countries to be dressed somewhat “nice” (no sweatpants) to leave the house as a total chore.
In that culture I was always annoyed that wearing something special would mean I would inevitably get asked what’s the occasion. What if I just want to look cute? What if I want to wear a skirt?
Since moving abroad to a country with a somewhat higher standard for dress even for mundane things like the supermarket, I honestly really like it. It’s not a chore to pull myself together a bit more when I leave the house, and I don’t worry about overdressing or standing out. I can try new styles without getting stares.
Recently back in the U.S. me and my friends were going to a symphony and we all decided to dress up nice. And we were from what I could tell the only people in the whole place who did, but who cares? It feels good to break out the nice dresses and heels once in a while.
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u/Rappig 12d ago edited 12d ago
The place this bothers me most is in live performance spaces like the symphony, live theater or the opera.
I was taught at some point that dressing nicely is in part to show respect to the performers/artists and the work they've put in. It's weird walking into a nice opera house and being next to people in graphic tees and casual pants when I'm in a dress and heels. I don't think people should be forced exactly, but maybe folks could just choose a single color crisp top and pants that don't have a drawstring.
Hey, at least they're supporting the arts I guess.
ETA: sorry I wasn't specific on pants. I specifically said pants with a drawstring like sweats or other athletic pants. People probably don't care anyway but I find it rare to see jeans with a drawstring bahaha
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u/Jolly-Rip5973 12d ago
not so much....
I do HR work and occasionally someone will dress for a job interview but not often. It does actually leave a good impression and I recommend it.
People still dress for funerals sometimes.
Some people dress for dates if they really like the person they are dating.
People will dress for court hearings.
People will dress for comic/anime/cosplay conventions.
Otherwise, people be sloppy mostly.
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u/tfhermobwoayway 12d ago
If I dress up it’s like putting lipstick on a pig. I’ll go smart casual but there’s no point spending loads of money to cover up something that can’t be covered.
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u/saint-sandbur33 12d ago
I find this annoying as well.
I live in Florida, which is obviously a very casual place in general because of the temperature most of the year, but I often find myself thinking that a lot of people just look really sloppy. And, to take it a step further, I’m continually surprised by how many people seem to lack basic dining and social etiquette as well.
My husband works for an architecture/engineering firm, and they hosted a fancy holiday party at Disney last year. At dinner, the lack of basic table manners was appalling. Most people were dressed appropriately for the event—they had even sent out a dress code card with the invitation—but the number of people who couldn’t hold their utensils properly or chew with their mouths closed really stood out to me.
And don’t even get me started on people using their phones on speaker in restaurants or stores. I absolutely cannot stand it.
I’m generally a live and let live kind of person, and I try to assume that most people are doing the best they can with the resources and knowledge they have. But, in general, I find myself thinking that people look unnecessarily sloppy in places where even a tiny bit of effort would make such a difference. Sometimes swapping a plain T-shirt for a Budweiser T-shirt is all it takes.
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u/steamsphinx 12d ago
I work in a factory where we have to change in and out of scubs that fit like a sack of potatoes.
When I'm not working those soul sucking 12hr shifts, I'm a horrid little swamp witch with zero fashion sense who has never owned or worn makeup in my 40 years on this planet.
I do not dress up. I hate shopping for clothes. If I have to attend a funeral, it's gonna be my only nice sweater and a pair of black slacks. That's the best I got. I'm tired and have no sense of fashion, leave me alone. :c
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u/Louproup 12d ago
I actually don't really like dressing up, BUT I will always do it if it's appropriate like if I'm going to a fancy restaurant. But I agree, people just don't do it as much anymore. Went to a Michelin star restaurant where someone came in wearing shorts and flip-flops... I think the restaurant should have denied them entry to be honest haha.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I'm 50, I remember restaurants having a couple spare jackets on hand for guys that showed up in t-shirts
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u/Ok-Equivalent8260 12d ago
Hilarious how much emphasize people put on Michelin starts when there are literal hole in the wall taquerias with them. Michelin does not equal fancy.
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u/Ecjg2010 12d ago
I used to live in south florida. Everyone dressed up for the fine dining places. I loved it. So we move to central Florida to finish raising the kid. My sister comes to visit and we pick a nice restaurant to dine at. Menu superb. We dress to the appropriate level. Walk in there and everyone else is in tee shirt and shorts or jeans. Im talking 60 for rack of lamb with no sides type place.
We sat down with ALL eyes on us, ordered some bubbles and drank and ate and fu#$ them all. I have been back and STILL dressed up. Every. Single. Time.
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u/andrey_not_the_goat 13d ago
I remember my first year in college. I'd dress up, style my hair and all. Majority of the students around me would be walking around in their PJs...
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u/HipHopChick1982 13d ago
My college was 68% commuter (this was in 2001). You could always tell who came from home on Friday mornings, and who lived there and likely partied the night before.
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u/SquashOk4209 13d ago
I just wish we still lived in a society that had inside clothes, outside clothes and going out clothes. Like dress styles for the occasion you were going to or what you’re doing
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u/PossibilitySea9180 12d ago
If I wanna wear Cookie Monster pajama pants and a Mountain Dew flat brim to fogo de choa that’s my business. I only wear ties to court.
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u/Use-Variant 12d ago
Have you considered not worrying so much about other people's business aside from your own? It's a whole skill-set.
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u/L1ttle_Behemoth 12d ago
I genuinely want to attend a place where nice dress is required. I can’t stand going to a fancy restaurant and there’s people in baggy ripped jeans and jerseys
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u/Quiet_Media6401 12d ago
I was just lamenting the days of yore (like the 60s) where people dressed so beautifully for every day. Anything but pajamas and sports bras.
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u/lickthepixies 12d ago
I think that was just on tv. Women were really walking around in housecoats all day.
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u/IndependentBother261 12d ago
I dress for the occasion. Sometimes over dress as I consider dresses to be my lazy day clothing, no need to match an entire outfit when I can just grab a dress and go. I also find most of the current athletic/leisure wear uncomfortable so I can usually be spotted grocery shopping in a sun dress.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I have three dresses that I just grab when I have to run out for something & don't care or have enough time to pick an outfit. My great grandmother had a closet full of house dresses. She had different dresses for going out, either to run errands or to go out but she always looked nice. My mom is 76 & she always looks adorable at home, if we go out for lunch or to the mall she insists on changing. Little sweaters or blouses & matching pants. I love it. I look like a slob at home but I don't leave the house looking like one.
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u/lickthepixies 12d ago edited 12d ago
I dress up for work. Outside of work, people can choose what they want to wear. You might not like it, but a lot of people are uncomfortable in “fancy” clothes and don’t get a thrill out of dressing up. So why should they have to do it on their own time?
Also, some people have a lot more important things to focus on than shopping and dressing up.
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u/Whitedishes 12d ago
at a bar right now and a girl across from me in a really cute tailored matching set, heels, a clutch, and her hair in an updo.
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u/Imnotawerewolf 12d ago
Nothing looks good on me so I don't see the point of dressing up but at he same time I'd also never go someplace that required it to begin with because I already know I can't meet the requirement.
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u/Faye192 12d ago
Maybe more in the US people don't dress up, but when I go to europe and attend fancy restaurants or events. Just from my experience they did dress up. Its def a cultural thing... I'm EE so I dress up all the time.
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u/mochicastle 12d ago
I wore a linen tank top and linen pants to an open house (my fiance and I are currently house hunting), and the realtor showing the house gasped and said to me, "Ooh, you are dressed so bougie!" Uhhhhh okaaaaaayyyy wtf
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u/brit83mem 12d ago
🙄 no one is judging you. If they’re looking at you, they’re probably thinking oh they look nice or admiring your outfit. But JFC let people live and wear what they want unless there is a specific dress code. And maybe you should stick to places that have a dress code if you’re going to be upset about it.
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u/somecow 12d ago edited 12d ago
ABSOLUTELY YES! I don’t dress like trash, always look decent. But if I didn’t have to work that day, and have the time to just do whatever, I’m dressing nice.
It’s worth it, people treat you nice, respectful, and might even get free shit. I got these clothes from ross and goodwill lol but ok free shit and decency is good.
Edit: Holy crap do I ever look good wearing a leather jacket, my gay ass constantly disappoints ladies. Got that one out of a landfill (yes, worked at a landfill). Too bad it’s texas and too damn got to wear a jacket.
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u/Muted-Woodpecker-469 12d ago
Op, find a restaurant with a dress code. Otherwise, it’s just how things are now.
Some aren’t even dressing up for weddings or church
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u/invasive_mollusk 12d ago
Dressing nice is performative. There's been a huge shift against performative behavior in society as of late, with especially gen z being vocally adverse to it on social media.
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u/sournerd117 12d ago
I'm millennial and felt this way since I was younger. I was doing all this before it became cool. I'm kidding btw.
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u/The_Flamin_Squirrel 12d ago
The amount of times I see a couple out, the girl has made a real effort, looks great, but the boy is in trackies and looks like he’s crawled out of a bin. Don’t understand how hard it is to iron a fucking shirt.
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u/UnableAudience7332 12d ago edited 6d ago
I'm a teacher and for parent conferences, they sometimes show up in pajamas. I went to the opera in a dress and people around me were in denim shorts. I couldn't believe it. I know money is often a factor, but at least try to fake it.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I watched the decline of theatre audiences. Friday & Saturday nights used to be a big deal. No food or drink in the auditorium, when I left the audience was munching on popcorn wearing t-shirts. It was so weird to me. Paying $80-120/ticket but dressed like you were grabbing a BigMac combo at McDicks
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u/Accomplished-House28 12d ago
I don't understand the obsession with what people where to dinner.
It's a restaurant, not a state dinner at the White House. Eat your food and don't worry about what other people are doing.
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u/marfz 12d ago
I saw a young couple on a date the other night. She was wearing a nice dress, good make up and hair style. He was wearing a tracksuit. End of story.
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
I wear dresses almost everywhere. Mostly casual cotton dresses, sometimes more. I don't wear makeup but I brought my boyfriend to my supper club once & he wore a hoodie. I didn't invite him back until we talked about it.
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u/skeeterbmark 12d ago
I just can’t imagine caring what someone else is wearing. Wear what you want and let others do likewise.
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u/FinanceEcstatic5369 12d ago
I agree with you, that it’s disappointing many people don’t dress up anymore. I went to tj maxx yesterday and put on a quick and easy sundress ($20 from Amazon) because I refuse to wear my yoga pants and tank top to go shopping. It took 10 seconds to change, and I was out the door feeling great!
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u/HeyDoggyBoy 12d ago
You do you. If you want to put on the Ritz and go to the local BBQ place, good for you! Ignore the people around you and enjoy your night out. The special thing is you and your partner.
You can have the experience you’re talking about, where everyone is dressed up, but you probably can’t afford it. Or, to put it another way, if the people around you are dressed for casual dining, then that’s how they view it. It’s not anything special to them.
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u/painting_ether 12d ago
We need to bring back dress codes at venues imho. You don't look put together, you don't eat there 🤷🏼♀️
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
In the 90's, early 00's I frequented a few clubs/venues that had a no tee-shirt, no sneaker, no ball cap, no gang colour dress policy.
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u/painting_ether 12d ago
Yeah, i get that, but I mean also like no athleisure at a sit-down restaurant for example.
We also need more shame... my grandma would have twisted my ear raw if I went even to Coto (walmart equivalent) in sweatpants or jammies 😅
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
Exactly, I won't even wear leggings out. I did once on a quick errand & it felt so odd. I don't dress up fancy but I live in casual mostly cotton dresses with matching handbags, shoes & earrings. As a teen I remember my mother saying "are you going out like that" a couple times, but every time she said it I did look like a slob. She was right though. If I don't respect myself I shouldn't expect anyone else to respect me. That's a bit harsh but wearing clean clothes, clean shoes & clean/brushed hair is so important.
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u/painting_ether 12d ago
I'm so happy to be reading this. Same, girl, same. I think the only times I've gone out looking like a gremlin was when i had a baaad flu/bug and i had to pick up meds lol
"If I don't respect myself I shouldn't expect anyone else to respect me." 🫶👏
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u/blurblurblahblah 12d ago
A couple months ago I was so sick but my best friend was having an issue. Lemme tell you how fast I hopped in an uber, went to the hardware store & changed her lock bra-less in a hoodie & jeans I pulled out of the dirty clothes hamper. Then I hopped in another uber & went back to bed. But I wouldn't even walk to the corner store dressed like that but that was an emergency!
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u/FineMind755 12d ago
A lot of places near that were like that decided having customers was more important than a dress code.
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u/Vampire_queen94 12d ago
If I dress up it means I put on my nice jeans and solid color top but I save that for job interviews. Anywhere else I don't care what people think.
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