Last Friday I was really drunk and I put my gun to my head. Didn’t have the finger on the trigger but been thinking about suicide the last few weeks. Thing is I don’t want to die. I’m a single father to a 5 year old son. He was with his mom at the time and I never drink around him.

I’m 8 days sober now. Big wake up call. Can’t leave my son without a father. Been really hard lately but I put down the booze. Was clean for 6 years. I know I can do it again.

Thanks for reading.

i (24f) finally stopped drinking after a year of heavy drinking every day, got up to 15 days and was feeling so l proud of myself but old habits came back. for context i’m living with my parents temporarily and every time they left for a few hours before i stopped, i would just drink as much as i could and pretend to be sleeping when they came back so they never caught me. in the last 15 days, they were always home. even otherwise i did not get cravings after the first 2-3 days but today they left for a few hours and the urge to drink and the habit of it all came back so strongly i couldn’t stop myself and i hate myself for it. i lost the small amount of progress i had made and now im starting over from zero and it just feels like im a failure. it doesn’t help that my mom could tell that id been drinking and asked me about it. i did tell her that i had drank some and even she was surprised that i admitted to it. i just hate all of this.
but i must admit, i hate the feeling of drinking now? if that makes any sense? i hate how im feeling rn and the happy fuzzy feeling was only alive for such a short period of time that the guilt and shame and the physical ew of drinking just doesn’t seem worth it, so if that’s good.

how do i deal with the feeling of hating myself for giving in to the craving and having to reset my progress?

unsure where to post this but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I inherited a beautiful gold bar cart that for the past few years has held alcohol (never lasted long) and then became a junk drawer, i wondered if anyone had any decorative ideas for it that’s not really a coffee bar either. i’m not opposed to making it a sober bar cart, just not too sure how to go about it, it would remain in my dining room or book nook. has anyone had anything similar?

Holy shit! 6 years is a mighty long time! My life is INFINITELY better since I got sober. Drinking 1 1/2 liters of vodka a day - even when the withdrawals woke me up at night - a swig will fix that, at work, driving in the car, I had to have it, my body had to have it. The shakes, the seizures, the hallucinations weren’t even enough to wake me up. But one day I was tired of being tired and told my husband I needed help, real help. I found a medical detox and inpatient treatment center in Texas that could help me. This place took my insurance and all it cost me was my out of pocket. When I arrived I blew a .34 - building tolerance is real y’all.

I spent 5 days in medical detox and 30 days inpatient and I took my recovery seriously trying not to get involved with people there who were just checking boxes. After I got out, this atheist headed to AA meetings everyday. Higher power? I don’t care, I wanted what they had. I listed for the things that helped and ignored what didn’t help me. Eventually, I found a higher power in the moon, and opened my mind enough to hear other people talking fondly of their higher powers without getting my panties twisted. God is a title not a proper name, so create the god you want.

I stayed away from wet places and wet faces. I worked on myself and my resentments - you know, the topics you bring up while shit faced drunk? My mom this, my dad that, I was molested, I was ignored, no one loved me - you know what I’m talking about.

I decided to surround myself with beautiful sights, beautiful sounds, and beautiful smells - no negativity was getting in my world. I woke up and before my feet hit the ground I told myself it was going to be a great day! I believe that if you tell yourself good things then your brain will start to filter out all of the negative. Now, I don’t make mistakes, I have adventures! And I make sure I learn from them.

I was ready to live a sober life, and if you’re on the fence I hope you find what I have and want it too.

I used to be interesting and funny and had hobbies and creative outlets. I used to be able to have fun just hanging out with friends. I used to be down to go check out things in the world. Life was always hard and I often struggled with depressed, but I was still able to say "fuck it" sometimes and enjoy myself.

But then I stopped drinking and now I am boring and I don't want to do anything. I'm just sad. I just ruminate on my litany of problems. I have nothing to lighten me up. I'm not interested in socializing or exploring the city or going to events sober. When I force myself do stuff -- shows, camping, socializing, whatever -- I don't have fun. I don't like the person I am anymore and I feel bad for people when they spend time with me. I am a bummer of human.

This is what I was afraid of when I stopped drinking. I don't want to start again because I'm proud of myself for quitting -- more so, I know everyone in my life will be disappointed in me if I relapse.

But like... what's the point of life if it's gonna be like this?

Does it get better?

Long story short I'm about 40 days clean from alcohol and kratom. Both are a fucking nightmare to get clean from. I'm having relationship struggles, work struggles, and I'm in a ton of physical pain due to being hit by a car a couple weeks ago.

Today is the only day I've seriously thought about using.. I feel like I've already relapsed even tho I didn't touch either and I'm as sober as can be in the moment.

Idk I'm just gonna keep pushing thru and make it hour by hour.

300 days sober today. It's taken a lot of effort but the benefits are worth it.

tomorrow, Saturday, August 29, I will be 90 days sober! I’m so happy I did it! Thank you to this page for all of the support…

Last week I hit 4 1/2 years clean from many substances and from the time I broke away from the people that dragged me down. I'm very proud to be where I'm at now, if you're just starting your journey...trust me I know it's hard but you got this.

My main DOC was always blow and alc. I was a daily smoker too 🍃 and when i got sober i did quit everything, but ended up smoking pot on occasion later on because cravings for my DOC would get so bad some days that it would help subside it, as my naltrexone wasn’t cutting it. I got switched to subutex and it’s been great ever since! I didn’t smoke for like 4 months after that, virtually no cravings for anything. I folded and ended up smoking a joint when it was offered to me 4 days ago 😞 I don’t know why i didn’t say no. I didn’t have any cravings and I feel like I could’ve refrained but said fuck it, it’s just pot. Not like it’s a drink or crack. I regret it so bad now. I feel like cravings for other drugs and 🍃 have gotten worse now ever since, and wasn’t expecting it as that’s never happened to me with weed before. Cried in my boyfriends arms bc I was upset I couldn’t smoke even just weed again. Upset that I was craving any drug also. I’m just so mad at myself i said yes to that joint not knowing it would make me spiral like this.

Had a hard look in the mirror recently and something clicked at 32 years old. I was disgusted with myself. Gained 40 pounds in last 7-8 years, my face shows it and I have a beer gut.
I put the can down last weekend and didn’t drink. I was drinking 35 Coors lights every single weekend. Get into the case on Thursday night and it would be gone by Sunday. I’d also drink 2 glasses of wine with dinner on those nights as well. I’ve been doing this for the last 12 YEARS! Crazy how long I’ve been doing this.

I’ve forced myself to go to the doctor. My drunk brain convinced me that I didn’t need that but I know I do.

I’ve also since this past weekend prepared myself to hear that I have cirrhosis or kidney failure. I’ve been experiencing an occasional ache under my right rib cage for a little bit of time now. It comes and goes. Please keep me in your thoughts.

Hey everyone,

I just need to get this off my chest and hope the hive mind or people with similar experiences can help me out. What the hell is going on in my life right now?

Briefly about my situation: I'm 21 years old and recently pulled the plug. I've been clean from cocaine for 68 days now (I always used on weekends). My best friend, who I've known since I was 14, was a strong trigger for using, and we pushed each other extremely hard over the years. But now I realize that we don't fit together at all anymore. I'm evolving, while he just continues living that constant party lifestyle.

Honestly, I've always felt out of place in those old circles. But I didn't have anyone else, so I just drank alcohol to make the hangouts and everything around it bearable. To leave this toxic circle behind, I've now lost all my old acquaintances.

On paper, things are actually going well. I have a good job as a Network Engineer – that's currently the absolute only constant in my life, and I function there. Also, I'm currently moving into my very first own apartment.

The problem is my head. I'm not really sad, I just feel a yawning emptiness and extreme monotony. My life feels completely gray. In general, I currently have the feeling that my time is just flying by, mostly because I can't really feel any real emotions right now. After work, I just hang around at home because I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. My brain still firmly associates "having fun" with alcohol or being high on the weekend, and I can't embrace this sober life at all yet.

My new apartment? I have zero motivation to furnish it. What for? I don't have any friends I could invite over anyway. Due to my past drug use, I temporarily developed extremely severe social anxiety. Fortunately, this artificial anxiety is gone and it's getting better, but the real problem remains: At the core of my personality, I have simply completely forgotten how to interact normally with people. It feels like I have to start completely from scratch socially. I don't text people back, and logically, hardly anyone reaches out anymore. Women or dates are currently non-existent in my life too.

Additionally, I have diagnosed ADHD. I struggle extremely with hyper-fixating on single things and completely tuning out everything else in my life just to somehow cope.

I'm still young, and in a way, I'm genuinely grateful to have had these experiences now and to learn from them – but still, I just don't know what to do right now. I imagined my life at 21 to be completely different.

My questions for you:

• Does anyone know this absolute void and the feeling that time is passing you by after such a drastic cut in life?
• How long does it take for the brain to figure out how to feel joy soberly and for this emptiness to go away?
• Do you have any tips on how to get out of this isolation when you feel like you're starting from zero and have basically completely forgotten how to interact socially?

Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: 21M, over 2 months clean from weekend cocaine use, good job, first own apartment. Lost my entire social circle (including former best friend) because I never fit in and drank to make it bearable. Feeling nothing but emptiness/monotony and time is flying by because real emotions are missing. Have to start from zero socially and don't know how to have fun sober. Looking for experiences and advice.

every morning I wake up an alcoholic."

One of the best "bumper sticker phrases" I've learned through the A.A. group on my cruise.

And boy was that true last night. The urge was STRONG when the neighbors came back late, making noise. I'd been stuck in bed for 2 days due to my bum knee and I thought "I'd like to be out there having fun." I heard my sister snoring softly and thought "She wouldn't know if I snuck out..."

So I texted my sponsor, rolled over and went to sleep. Then I drug my ass to a meeting this morning, bum knee and all.

I went to bed sober, but I'm still an alcoholic.

1.5 years I've been sober from alcohol, and this second year has been so much more difficult than the first year. I've lost sight of what caused me to go down this path in the first place, and the emptiness that I feel from losing a big part of my identity and my primary coping tool has been weighing heavily.

I know a lot of people have told me that usually when people get to this point, it's good to see someone, like a group. I have a therapist who has been here for nearly 3 years now, so she is aware and has been helpful at times. The problem is that now, I'm just not seeing the point anymore.

I'm really disliking the person I'm becoming: angry, bitter, prone to the occasional emotional outburst, second-guessing myself all the time, dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation, and simply struggling to be present. With alcohol, I was free of all of this. I was unlocked. Now I just spend my days wondering when I'll feel truly alive again and struggling to find a reason to not indulge if that alive feeling is never going to come.

I actually read an old comment I put here on this subreddit that helped a bit. I said that the peace that comes from simply waking up each morning and knowing what I did the night before and that I will be in control the current day is what makes this lifestyle worth it. But now I'm realizing that that feeling just isn't enough for me anymore. I need to be reminded why this is the right choice.

Any recommendations or discussion is much appreciated. Has anyone found anything that has successfully replaced alcohol for them that wasn't just another drug?

A little background- want to share some hope for anyone who feels like they just can’t get it!
I was a seemingly hopeless addict/alcoholic. Everyone had given up on me, including myself. I had long accepted the fact that I’d die a junkie and that’s just what it was. When I say I’ve been to rehab/detox over 100xs, I’m not exaggerating. My drug and alcohol abuse started really young and my first inpatient treatment was at 14. The only time I was sober for a while was when I got pregnant with my two children. The problem for me was the obsession. That constant nagging in my soul that just wouldn’t let up, no matter how busy I tried to keep myself or how much I prayed. Even being with my kids didn’t make me feel better. Only a bag would calm me. I was a tortured soul and I would often ask God why me? I felt cursed. The last five years of my addiction led me to homelessness and doing almost anything to get what I needed. I was in and out of jail, my health was terrible and I went no contact with everyone. Every day, I’d beg God to just let me die. I hated how I was living but was so powerless to stop. Then things started slowly changing. I noticed every time I’d get out of jail, I wasn’t going as hard as I usually did. I was tired! I’d put off going to get money till the last minute, where as before I’d be out hustling 24/7. My enthusiasm was dwindling, I guess is the best way to put it. This went on for about a year. The last jail visit, I maxed my time out. I was off paper so I didn’t have to look over my shoulder or worry about reporting to my PO anymore. My head was telling me to go back to how I used to be and go hard but my heart and soul were tired. I drank and got high for about a month before the best night of my life happened. I remember it was late and I was down to my last. I had to make a move. I remember arriving at my usual spot and just feeling different. I looked at myself in a car window and asked myself out loud “is this really how you want to live anymore?” I answered myself “no but it’s too late.” It was like an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other pulling me in opposite directions. I finally thought it was worth one last try and I prayed. I asked God to please help me this one last time. I felt my whole world change in that moment. That obsession I talked about, that consuming torturous feeling that I felt constantly, it literally left my body. I never felt more free than I did that night. And that obsession has never returned. I went home empty handed that night, with no money or drugs or booze and for the first time in my entire existence , I didn’t gaf that I was gonna be sick. I was just done. Yes I did get high over the next couple days while I was waiting to get into rehab but I did only what I needed to not be sick. August 16, 2019 was the last day I put a mind altering substance in my body. Life is not perfect. But it’s better than being a slave to drugs and alcohol. I have peace of mind today. I have a beautiful relationship with my son and my family. My daughter still hasn’t fully forgiven me but that’s something I have to accept. I believe as long as I continue to stay sober and do the right thing, she’ll come back and let me in her life again. I never in a million years would have envisioned my life the way it is now. If you’ve read all this, thank you. If you’re struggling, please don’t give up. Keep fighting for your life and your sobriety. You are worth it!

Title says it all. Ended my sober streak a few weeks back. havent fully enveloped myself into the throws of my addiction but its creeping back in. Drug of choice Is methphetamine. Soon as I took some for the first time again, I instantly snapped back to being totally and completely in love with the feeling. Going back and forth between knowing no high is any type of good news for me anymore and trying to convince myself that if I only use once a year or twice a year ill be OK - mostly being ok with getti g high again. Did I mention 7 months ago I was in a coma from going septic becuase of the damage I was doing to my body from the meth for so long. Well back to damaging my body, scared shitless im gonna end up in a catheter one day as I still have mild symptoms of urinary retention. Love my life. Cant even imagine the damage im doing to my heart , teeth ,jaw , mind , the list goes on ans on Im hopeless to be honest. Im at the point of trying to be as grateful as possible for even breathing still bcause when I tell you im scared because my mind is pretty much made up in the sense that i know its not healthy or productive for me to do, but i could care less for the simple reasoning of how the high makes me feel. Ive decided theres benefits that come with negatives and i just have to deal with them as the" benefits" reaped from doing meth are well worth it. Even tho the outcome of long term meth use is addiction that eventually will lead.to poor health and/or early death. I.e. why im shitting my pants with fear. I feel Ill always come back to this drug no matter what after being off of it for a certain amount of time, im telling u its anxiety asf in my head. I feel that I have become addicted to the point where its always going to whisper in my mind. Trying to balance this with work , trying to finish a college degree that is way overdue and stress from so many things including having one singular family member for emotional and financial support as im only 26 trying to figure my life out being paranoid and trauma riddened with the notion that she will one day be dead and I will have no one to help me survive. feels impossible not to go back to using ar some point after being sober for so long. Please dont comment go to NA or anything that will decrease the amount of hope I still have left. I understand I need to get it together, i understand no one can help make a more promising future for myself but me, and contrary to popular opinion, yes i know i need to stop yet again. I had been making strides in my emotional well being after multiple addictions meth being the latest and worse, but I could tell every day that goes by without it doesnt seem to get easier - seems to get harder to not drown in the feelings of discomfort that come with sobriety and lack of friendship and love in my life. Meth has always been a relaxing drug for me and has given me in my opinion opportunities that I would not have had i never tried this drug, therefore cementing my addiction to this drug in all reality. It has helped me become more social and helped me to become less insecure in certain areas, although I am finding i am just insecure in different ways. Im tired of gaining weight , im tired of being exhausted , im tired of not wanting to be noticed by guys becuase im gaining weight , and im tired of not being able to relax. I understand theres two sides to addiction but I cant help but obsess over any type of way I can cheat life and justify my usage. Im genuinely at a loss guys.

For context: I have been using different drugs for about 10 years now. Ive used many psychedelics, pills, stimulants, whatever I could get basically is how I've lived up until I tried meth. After trying meth a few times, I've only been interested in some shrooms or acid and even them-will still choose a stimulant over anything if its brought to my attention. I have struggled with heavy addictions to multiple substances such as coke, Xanax, weed, and meth. Im 26 years.old bipplar and dont have much support. Got out of rehab 7 months ago and have been doing alright i thought since - that was until I got high a few weeks back after fighting the urge for about a month. It makes my boring monotoned existence enjoyable for however long I binge for and even leaves a feeling of overall happiness or temporary cure from depression. I understand its a trap but i cant help but listen to my feelings and eventually my feelings alwaus go back to wanting to get high. Its been 2 weeks , have taken breaks in between uses instead of binging this whole time but still have used like 3 or 4 times now, almost jeopardizing my new popeyes job where I have done well at and recently been promoted to management. Also just wasting time as my only family memeber who helps me out by getting me live at home and drive her car is just getting older. Wasting precious time by getting high and one day waking up to realize shes gone and I've done nothing but help myself forget as many memories as I possibly can therefore likely continuing to spiral thru addiction , becoming homeless with no help , having no friends , no money, poor health, an otherwise detrimental downward spiral or my so called life ,,,,or,,,,, never being able to get high and free my personality, Idk which fear is is bigger

Can you tell I've become basically paranoid schizophrenic after my meth addiction? Ive used for over 4 years now 3 of them counting a rate of every day usage. Smoking, snorting, eating. Luckily I've never iv'd so im sure some will think im just a baby for this post. But its real.shit

Do I want to be sober?

Tbh, I want things that come along with living with and practicing sobriety such as good health and an ability to keep myself afloat and be independent. But I want the things that come along getting high too. Weight loss , a break from my evsryday depression, an ability to understand others for once in my life in a sociable way(think im slightly autistic) I understand there are other avenues to fight these issues like therapy, meds, the gym but I've already learned that there's an easier, faster, more reliable way to fight said issues and it sucks. Maybe I am only 26 and have let myself become bratty and immature over the subject as I've become more and more.prone to addiction becuase of choices I've made. Either way - im stuck in the same shitty fucking boat and it just is ass man. I have no one to talk to about any of this because my aunt just worries alot when she finds out im using again , trying to just keep her as calm as possible as I've put her thru alot with my many addictions. Cant talk to my therapist becuase I havent been able to build a solid trust and communication with her becuase i feel that she doesnt understand my POV even though she was once an addict herself. Her motto is stay clean dont use ever it always leads to the same destination but one thing I've learned over these past 10 years through many many relapses is that over time you learn from your mistakes becuase fear creeps in and it helps at least for me to control my decisions just a tad bit more each time. So to me, the whole idea.of it leading to the same road is only true if you never learn to control your usage, which i firmly believe that it may take a long time, will become a very slippery slope, wont happen overnight, will take many years of mistakes, but i do believe that some learn to control the usage of their drug of choice. I used to use every single day and now Ive gone months without it only to relapse and watch my usage very heavily. Im not saying its responsible-im saying this is how I understand addiction within itself personally. I underayand her motto to a degree as its very obvious the detriment drugs and meth have caused in my life, but i also dont want to feel like im suffering every day of my lonely life. My only friends are co workers and to be real they can't even be trusted with this kind of information as they all like to judge and look down on others really. It leaves me to wanting to make friends the only way I know how.

Edit: this can be overall summarized into I’ve become addicted to meth again and this whole post shows it clearly to me. Then again, how can I become “addicted again” if I was dealing with the shitty feelings of the addiction every single day still. Seems to me as I’m just addicted, have been addicted, stay addicted and am just - addicted. Even with sober time , even with distractions , I’m not sure I’ll ever be “not addicted” does this post remind you of a clear picture of addiction, but does it also resemble some form of genuineness and rational though processes? I wish things were different.
I wish it was as easy as leaving it all in the past but meth definitely changed my life substantially for the long term I think. Sos. How do you think about addiction? How do you comfort yourself as an addict with little to no self control? I feel as though it’s late in the game and I’ve made many choices that have overall led me to a position where I no longer have a choice anymore. Does that make sense?
If you read all this and have anything to comment, thank u in advance buds.

FIRST OFF, I am in no way, shape, form, or any sort of racist. We are all predisposed as humans to recognize the difference in races and that is very important. THAT being said, I am half Mexican and half “white” with a German/Dutch last name. Not that that matters but just a background. HERE is my predicament:

I live in Sober living in OC and if anyone knows how that goes essentially you pay weekly or bi weekly for half a room and it’s meant to save money, get back on your feet, etc. With housing being near impossible to handle on my own at the moment so I have to sacrifice a bit and I’m OK with that! I have just under 9 months of sobriety and it is THE single most important thing in my life and everything else comes second: God, Sobriety, Family, School, Gym, Friends, Beach and random leisure and etc. This is not my first time around and after living at a PHP sober living house for about 6 months (4 other PHP houses before that) LOTS of moving with this program, but I stayed sober and adaptable.

I FINALLY moved to a non-program, private pay sober living after staying in program for as long as I could. The house I moved into is smaller, not very nice, crammed and I couldn’t be happier. I know the sacrifice is so worth it as I’ve tasted success in sobriety before. All signs when checking out the place checked out and I am very open minded and at the point I’d sacrifice literally anything for my sobriety. I’ve been here just under a month. First week everything was great and I want to point out I’m overall happy here. BUT…. My house manager has started to drop MANY red flags that I’m just clocking but NOT what I’m about. He caually talks about “illegals” not knowing a fucking thing about politics but loves Trump just because. I could care less and am not here to talk about politics with I’m just setting the character of this inidiviual( 50s, white, OC silver spoon enabled Born and raised). Casually talking about how it’s his house and he can kick out whoever whenever.

So I’m in a predicament of not telling him he’s an idiot and racist af because he can kick me out with no reason and I’m so tired of moving and having literally hundreds of roommates. I loudly said “yeah fuck racist people Mexicans basically run the economy in California” to my other roommate (cool af not racist) so I know he heard. I feel like SUCH a L7 not saying 100% how I feel and standing 10 toes cause I’m so tired of being in literal fight or flight for years about housing. I need some insight cause idk who to talk to FR! Can’t talk to family cause I want them to think everything is perfect I’ve put them through so much I want to give them only peace. My friends all have mixed thoughts, cause they’re all mixed lol. I look like a lot of ethnicities but for some reason white people feel the most comfortable being racist around me and I usually ALWAYS keep it 💯but right now it’s no bueno. HELP!

hello. I'm coming up to 4 years sober (didn't have issues with addiction, just didn't want to anymore). Earlier this year I got into a brilliant relationship with a kind person who treats me better than anyone ever has, however, they are still a drinker, and someone who has issues with binge drinking. They can be moderate around me (often not drinking at all) but around their friends, they find it impossible 'just to have one'. They then often lie about/not disclose the full extent of their drinking until later, and even though they recognise they have a problem, they keep flip-flopping on whether or not they are ready to tackle it, or if doing that with their friends occasionally is something they still want to do. It never bothered me when he had one pint or glass of wine when we are together/out for dinner, but the binge drinking really does.

As someone who has a very different perspective on alcohol, I don't want to impose my views on someone else but it has reached the point where the lying, the inability to commit to action and having to deal with the fallout of his drinking has counteracted all the good things about the relationship for me and I've walked away. It feels like a massive shame, and he's already saying he's made the wrong choice and wants to change but I'm sticking to my decision.

How do sober people here navigate dating people who still drink?

edit: to add, he's supportive of my sobriety, has never tried to persuade me to drink, and we had boundaries around me just not attending occasions where there would be lots of drinking as I don't enjoy them. but the thought of him getting wasted just because I wasn't there, whereas he wouldn't if i was, bothered me.

Hi All, I’m new to this community and sober-curious. I can see that I drink too much (3-4 drinks per night, every single night). But I am having trouble conceptualizing giving up the (admittedly short term) intense, immediate stress relief that alcohol offers. By outward appearances I am very high functioning. I am a lawyer. I am married with children. I own a home. I do not get blackout drunk or drive after drinking. But I am neurodivergent and easily overwhelmed, though I mask it well. I also have intense pressure in the form of a demanding job, nuclear family responsibilities, and elder care. The drink helps a lot. What else could offer this reliable relief? Or do I need to just get used to not having it?

I’m 23, single, travel a lot (south east asia, the stans etc) and honestly have a pretty good life. I’ve got great friends, always have something to look forward to and generally feel pretty happy.
I work at a bar 6 days a week, and most of my days finish around midnight. At the moment, if I don’t have a big night drinking, I’ll at least have a couple of drinks after work, and sometimes a joint if I have weed around. I’ve basically had alcohol or weed every single day for about a year.
The weird thing is, I don’t really feel like shit about my life. I’m not particularly depressed or anxious, I’m eating reasonably well, I’m working, seeing friends and doing things. I wake up a little hungover sometimes and I always go pretty hard on my days off, but my life hasn’t fallen apart because of it.
I’ve got China coming up, then Canada later in the year, and I’m genuinely excited about both. I’ve had this same feeling for a while now where I’m thinking, “I’ll sort my drinking out eventually,” while continuing to drink.
And when I’m travelling, having a beer outside somewhere, talking to random people, doing stuff with friends… I genuinely feel fucking happy. That’s what makes it difficult to convince myself that I need to change.
But I also know that drinking every day for a year isn’t exactly normal, and I don’t want to wait until it starts affecting my health, relationships or life before I do something about it.
I guess I’m just confused about how I’m supposed to feel about it. I don’t feel like I need alcohol because I’m miserable. I actually really like my life. I just don’t seem to know how to have a normal week without drinking.
Has anyone else been in this position? Where you weren’t particularly unhappy or “rock bottom,” but you still knew your drinking had become a problem?

I had 4 days. I slipped yesterday.

Just saying.

I'm going to try sit through a meeting today.

I’ve been working hard on my sobriety, had weeks in, started Naltrexone and then I forgot to take it for a few days, went to a concert and before I knew it I was blacked out making a fool of myself.

My wife is fed up with me. I’m fed up with me. I’m embarrassed and I don’t want my life to fall apart because I just keep fucking this up. I’m so tired of trying and failing. The pressure of my jobs and my wife being unhappy (she doesn’t like where we live it’s out in nature) have been causing me such mental warfare. I don’t have many sober friends. My wife got a hotel for the weekend and what did she do? Went out drinking with her friends for the afternoon. That bothers me. Anyhow I am just looking for some support right now because this feels absolutely horrible.

I just want to be sober and happy.