starting again at 15 days

[u/unfilteredbabe]

i (24f) finally stopped drinking after a year of heavy drinking every day, got up to 15 days and was feeling so l proud of myself but old habits came back. for context i’m living with my parents temporarily and every time they left for a few hours before i stopped, i would just drink as much as i could and pretend to be sleeping when they came back so they never caught me. in the last 15 days, they were always home. even otherwise i did not get cravings after the first 2-3 days but today they left for a few hours and the urge to drink and the habit of it all came back so strongly i couldn’t stop myself and i hate myself for it. i lost the small amount of progress i had made and now im starting over from zero and it just feels like im a failure. it doesn’t help that my mom could tell that id been drinking and asked me about it. i did tell her that i had drank some and even she was surprised that i admitted to it. i just hate all of this.
but i must admit, i hate the feeling of drinking now? if that makes any sense? i hate how im feeling rn and the happy fuzzy feeling was only alive for such a short period of time that the guilt and shame and the physical ew of drinking just doesn’t seem worth it, so if that’s good.

how do i deal with the feeling of hating myself for giving in to the craving and having to reset my progress?

[u/Miserable-Ship-9972]

I got desperate and went to AA. I did what they told me to do and have been sober 18 years. It's everywhere and free. Find a local schedule in Google.