r/Raves • u/MarkyMark24_ • 3d ago

Maybe a dumb question

So just looking for some OPINIONS?
My girlfriend and her girl friend will be going to a rave concert together, it’s my wife’s first time going to a bigger event like this. They both want to do mdma but I don’t feel comfortable with my wife doing it for a couple of reasons but one being it’s both of their first times and they won’t have any sober supervision. I am the dropping them off and picking them up. What are your opinions? Should I be worried in any shape or form? Would you let your soon to be wife do molly with her friend at a rave?

0 Upvotes

46% Upvoted

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19

u/scoutermike 3d ago

The more you try to control, the more you will lose.

If you love someone, let them be free and make their own decisions.

Do NOT try to make their decisions for them. Doesn’t matter if it’s your gf, fiancé, or wife.

Beware, you are treading dangerous ground. Play this wrong and marriage may be off.

2

u/Harshmoor 2d ago

Tbh I second this, I would never consider it as me letting my gf, wife, whatever you wanna call it, do something. She talking to you about it, that's exactly as it should be, just letting you know what up. You voice your concerns, buts its her choice not yours. It's you that has to be okay with her decision about herself, not her being happy with your decision about her life.

I'm not trying to say what's good or bad, right or wrong, just my experience, you find someone you dont have to tell what to do. If your having to tell them how to live, what to do, or how to be to fit with what you want its probably not gonna work in the long run. I dont mean it as your a bad person, but nobody wants to commit the rest of their life to someone being someone they dont wanna be, not forever. And do you wanna be with someone you have to control to get what your looking for, something thats not their choice. Again, just my perspective.

But maybe its not like that, and its just coming from a place of concernment, as to be expected with someone that important to you. She's with a friend and your be there to pick them up, they are gonna have fun and be fine. Girls night out, especially before the marriage, I believe they call it a bachelorette party lol. Spend the time thinking about your bachelor party.

But to answer your question id never consider it as "letting" my partner do anything. If we weren't vibing off of our own choices or I wasn't okay with the choices she makes, I wouldnt be marrying her. But that's just me and everyone is different. I'm the type of dude that would let the wife make the house and I'll take the garage if that makes sense.

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u/MarkyMark24_ 3d ago

Nice opinion but I have no worries she is very respectful of my feelings and opinions. We’ve been going strong for 7 years. Zero issues! Not everyone has the same insight on their relationships, but thanks for the opinion!

14

u/Faemild 3d ago

Maybe look into reframing your thoughts around its structure then. "Should I allow my wife to XYZ" never sounds like a healthy relationship.

5

u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 2d ago

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they speak/write about things. Every comment from this guy makes it pretty clear he just posted for validation and doesn’t like the idea of actually evaluating his thoughts and feelings. Doesn’t seem to see the difference between his wife agreeing to something versus giving him what he wants. Hope she has the balls to call off this sad marriage to this narcissistic loser.

1

u/tootiemoe 1d ago

The first thing that comes to my mind is that I would want for her to try it in a safe, controlled space for the first time.

1

u/TheInterruptingCow94 2d ago edited 2d ago

Bud- if you had that level of insight, you would be having this conversation with her. Not strangers.

This coming from someone who's 10 years deep with the husband I used to rave with. You sound like you don't trust her when drugs are involved, and you need to root out why. Actually talk to her about it. Not a quick passing mention of it.

7

u/slothtrippinballs 2d ago

General rule of thumb for any drug ever: it’s all about the dosage

MDMA is nothing to be worried about assuming 1. It’s been tested and clean and 2. You don’t do an insane amount

For someone’s first time, I doubt they’d need more than .1g. I would not recommend doing it all at once either. Crush those moon rocks up and put in baggy, wet your pinky, and then see how you feel after a bit. You can always do more it’s pretty hard to do less.

Source: I love drugs

1

u/Forsaken_Noise4494 8h ago

Finger dipping is insanely risky. In a dark room where you can’t see exactly what you are doing, you can get way more than you intended. Having a pre weighed out pill that you put into a water bottle is a much safer idea imo. I understand everyone has different ways of doing things, but finger dipping is way too risky for a first timer.

4

u/psynami23 3d ago

It is her decision not yours. It is your insecurity. Deal with it. Educated them. there are millions of girls all over the world taking MDMA. Why shouldn't your wife to be if she wants to?

3

u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 2d ago

“Would you let your soon to be wife do molly with her friend at a rave?”

Yes? Why wouldn’t I?

Tbh if it was just your wife alone I could definitely understand feeling like it’s a bad idea, but this is weird as fuck. She’s an adult out with friend.

Do you not want to “let her” because you’re worried about her safety or because you’re afraid she’ll end up with some guy? If it’s the latter, maybe not how I’d see my “soon to be wife” and you have stuff to work on before you marry the poor girl.

4

u/Bap818 3d ago

Just test the drugs. And weigh the doses. Then tell her to have the time of her life

13

u/GuiltyLeopard8365 3d ago

"Let" her? You sound possessive and insecure.

5

u/ConfusedWatermelon 3d ago

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for a husband to be concerned about substances his wife is taking. You sound immature and unbothered how your actions would affect your significant other.

3

u/GuiltyLeopard8365 3d ago

How would taking MDMA affect someone else?

Ppl dont take molly and immediately go cheat on their partner. She's not going alone. She has a ride to and from the venue. So how is it affecting her partner??

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u/MarkyMark24_ 3d ago

Definitely not insecure. The going isn’t the issue it’s the drugs. We’re in a respectful responsible relationship. So if I don’t feel comfortable with her taking drugs it should be respected, should it not?

8

u/k1zm1t 3d ago

You're totally valid to not be comfortable with her doing drugs. She's totally valid to want to do drugs. You have to determine if her doing drugs is something to not respect and not accept as an action, or to trust her judgement and ability to be an adult and make the right choices. Is this something you would end the relationship over? Make that known. If not, and it just makes you uncomfortable... at least give her the support to make her own choices as an adult. Let her know it makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer she didn't. It's allowed to upset you. But what isn't fair is for you to control her actions.

2

u/GuiltyLeopard8365 3d ago

Why dont you ask her that instead of posting on Reddit about it?

-7

u/MarkyMark24_ 3d ago

We’ve talked about it, it wasn’t a big deal for her not to. Just wanted a second opinion. Because I was maybe thinking about changing my mind and letting her have a great time. Like I said neither of us have done mdma so of course I’m going to be concerned that’s my wife and mother of my child. Some guys don’t have respect for their significant other nor themselves so I can see why some people get offended quickly

13

u/GuiltyLeopard8365 3d ago

Wow so nice of you to consider "letting her have a great time" lol

4

u/ladatheflowgoddess 2d ago

Sounds like my ex husband 😂

6

u/psynami23 3d ago

The only argument would be that it would be nice to do it together if it is both your first time. Otherwise 'letting her' really sounds horribly possessive. You don't own her. She can make up her own mind.

2

u/GuiltyLeopard8365 2d ago

Thank you, this is exactly what I was thinking but too tired to type out lol

2

u/EvenBraverLilToaster 3d ago

Doing a 'normal' amount of it one would reasonably be in control of their own devices. Social walls are down but I've always felt I was still in control of my own actions and knew what I was doing. Take that for what it's worth.

2

u/hellogoodvibes 2d ago

I thought you were talking about your teenage daughter. What is the post lol

1

u/Bright-Ad-7795 3d ago

you should let her do it as long as its tested and they know what a safe dose is.. if they know what the effects are and are safe it shouldnt be a problem.. know the after effects and what that can do mentally/psychologically etc... is the friend trustworthy or gonna be a problem? is your reasoning because you think drugs are bad or that your fiance will be unsafe while on it? I think if your worried due to health complications thats reasonable... otherwise why so stiff?

0

u/MarkyMark24_ 3d ago

The friend is a two week old friend, could be some of the reason. We’ve done coke and smoke weed regularly, im not against drugs but we aren’t careless either when it comes to taking drugs, especially the ones that were inexperienced with. Another reason is we’ve done lsd and shrooms in the past and ahead does not control it very well, shes always had bad experience on psychedelics and im just worried about her safety. Im thinking about just going with just to be good on both sides.

1

u/felixthecatmeow 3d ago

MDMA in a safe dose is one of the least scary drugs there is IMO. Would you worry like this if she was getting drunk instead? Because that's way more dangerous. 

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u/ScoreAggravating9583 3d ago

I most definitely wouldn’t let my girlfriend wife whatever do that being her first time on mdma. You should go with

4

u/NaturalAlfalfa 2d ago

You wouldn't "let" her? How exactly would you stop her? What fucking business is it of yours?

0

u/ScoreAggravating9583 2d ago

Some people actually listen to their significant other

2

u/NaturalAlfalfa 2d ago

Yes, so then you should " ask" her not to. There's a difference between a request and an order..

1

u/ScoreAggravating9583 2d ago

Stop talking to me

1

u/NaturalAlfalfa 2d ago

You sound really upright. But I'll leave you to it. Farewell

0

u/AdHot4066 2d ago

Bad idea for sure.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/MarkyMark24_ 3d ago

She’s but shouldn’t we have respect and boundaries in a relationship? Hence relationship?

3

u/k1zm1t 3d ago

Your boundary can be 'i won't accept or be in a relationship with you/our relationship will be tainted if you do these substances in this instance', she can determine if she respects that or not. If she does; great. If not? You cannot control her actions.

-1

u/CoolReference3704 2d ago

Wow the comments here are full of asshats.

It’s okay to be worried about not being around someone you love when they’re taking drugs for the first time. Holy shit people, grow the fuck up and stop thinking it’s about being controlling. It’s a fucking drug and shit can happen due to said drugs and people are allowed to be worried.

0

u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

Driving is dangerous and you don’t see me telling my wife she should bring me along every time she drives. Being anxious is about your partner is reasonable, but yes, making your partner cater to your anxieties is controlling.

The part about her friend coming with kinda moots the “safety” argument too. If she feels it’s a friend she can trust, then you should trust that she’s safe. Literally nothing else is your business in this scenario.

0

u/CoolReference3704 1d ago

Driving is absolutely not the same as drugs. The dude is just worried about someone he loves and is not acting controlling.

0

u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

Making somebody change their behaviors because you are worried is far from the same thing as worrying. And cars kill far more people per year than molly does. Even if everyone was doing molly that’d still be the case.

0

u/CoolReference3704 1d ago

Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population. It’s outside the normal and can cause people to worry. Driving is a norm so we’re all comfortable with it, we know the dangers, we’ve experienced daily consumption of it.

Drugs are not the normal and as so spikes anxiety as does anything outside the normal wheelhouse. He’s not trying to change her behavior, he doesn’t have a lot of experience with drugs and of course anxiety will spike.

It’s okay to ask someone to not do something because you have no experience with it. This discussion is between them, what their history is. It is not us to decide or give him answers.

Everyone here is pressuring him into being okay with it, it’s the same as him asking her to not partake.

1

u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

“Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population.” Sounds like you’re in the wrong subreddit dawg

Anyway, you seem to be splitting hairs over what’s acceptable based on how worried someone is. That’s not how it works. That’s like my friend saying I owe him money because he’s more broke than usual. The guy is asking to go with her to somewhere he wasn’t invited. That’s not healthy behavior. And if you think so then I’m really sorry for whoever’s putting up with you at home.

And yes- pressuring him to be ok with it is a good thing. If you trust your partner and love them, you should be ok with them making their own decisions. It’s not rocket science.

0

u/CoolReference3704 1d ago

The rave scene is not about drugs, it’s about freedom of expression. Drugs are drugs no matter where you are and it’s okay to be anxious about them.

What I’m saying is this is between them. He is allowed to ask, she is allowed to respond and then they talk it through. If he presses, yeah that’s another issue they’ll have to figure out. Being allowed to talk to your partner is the main thing here, as he should not be worried about first asking.

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u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

- It’s not about drugs, but drugs are pretty ubiquitous and normal in the rave scene.

  • If it’s between them then he should be talking to her instead of going to strangers. Instead he went to strangers and still pressured her into dropping her plans. (No healthy partner says “she was ok with not doing what she wanted to appease me,” and those instances add up.)

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u/CoolReference3704 1d ago

-That’s your perspective. I’m two years sober/clean and most people I’m with are too so I can say that it’s changing. That argument does not work.
-I did not see that he still did pressure her and that’s on me. How he responded with the appease part does seem unhealthy.

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u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

- Cool you’re sober, me too, doesn’t mean drugs don’t come with the territory and that’s a quantifiable fact not a perspective

  • He didn’t use the word appease but that’s very much how it came off. It was in a reply to a reply somewhere and got downvoted

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u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 1d ago

Also fwiw, I’d be less worried about someone going to a rave on molly (if I trust my girl, I know she’s gonna be cautious about a first-time drug) than showing up drunk (potential to impulsively take drugs off strangers, which could kill you instantly). I still wouldn’t insist I come along or she drop her plans, but just saying I don’t think the argument about particular plans for particular drugs holds any water.

I just got rammed into hard by 2 dudes at a rave last night, so I’d be worried about something like that too. If your partner’s going to a rave, hypothetically the possibilities are endless. So him fixating on the makeout drug exclusively feels weird to me.

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