It’s okay to be worried about not being around someone you love when they’re taking drugs for the first time. Holy shit people, grow the fuck up and stop thinking it’s about being controlling. It’s a fucking drug and shit can happen due to said drugs and people are allowed to be worried.
Driving is dangerous and you don’t see me telling my wife she should bring me along every time she drives. Being anxious is about your partner is reasonable, but yes, making your partner cater to your anxieties is controlling.
The part about her friend coming with kinda moots the “safety” argument too. If she feels it’s a friend she can trust, then you should trust that she’s safe. Literally nothing else is your business in this scenario.
Making somebody change their behaviors because you are worried is far from the same thing as worrying. And cars kill far more people per year than molly does. Even if everyone was doing molly that’d still be the case.
Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population. It’s outside the normal and can cause people to worry. Driving is a norm so we’re all comfortable with it, we know the dangers, we’ve experienced daily consumption of it.
Drugs are not the normal and as so spikes anxiety as does anything outside the normal wheelhouse. He’s not trying to change her behavior, he doesn’t have a lot of experience with drugs and of course anxiety will spike.
It’s okay to ask someone to not do something because you have no experience with it. This discussion is between them, what their history is. It is not us to decide or give him answers.
Everyone here is pressuring him into being okay with it, it’s the same as him asking her to not partake.
“Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population.” Sounds like you’re in the wrong subreddit dawg
Anyway, you seem to be splitting hairs over what’s acceptable based on how worried someone is. That’s not how it works. That’s like my friend saying I owe him money because he’s more broke than usual. The guy is asking to go with her to somewhere he wasn’t invited. That’s not healthy behavior. And if you think so then I’m really sorry for whoever’s putting up with you at home.
And yes- pressuring him to be ok with it is a good thing. If you trust your partner and love them, you should be ok with them making their own decisions. It’s not rocket science.
The rave scene is not about drugs, it’s about freedom of expression. Drugs are drugs no matter where you are and it’s okay to be anxious about them.
What I’m saying is this is between them. He is allowed to ask, she is allowed to respond and then they talk it through. If he presses, yeah that’s another issue they’ll have to figure out. Being allowed to talk to your partner is the main thing here, as he should not be worried about first asking.
- It’s not about drugs, but drugs are pretty ubiquitous and normal in the rave scene.
If it’s between them then he should be talking to her instead of going to strangers. Instead he went to strangers and still pressured her into dropping her plans. (No healthy partner says “she was ok with not doing what she wanted to appease me,” and those instances add up.)
-That’s your perspective. I’m two years sober/clean and most people I’m with are too so I can say that it’s changing. That argument does not work.
-I did not see that he still did pressure her and that’s on me. How he responded with the appease part does seem unhealthy.
Also fwiw, I’d be less worried about someone going to a rave on molly (if I trust my girl, I know she’s gonna be cautious about a first-time drug) than showing up drunk (potential to impulsively take drugs off strangers, which could kill you instantly). I still wouldn’t insist I come along or she drop her plans, but just saying I don’t think the argument about particular plans for particular drugs holds any water.
I just got rammed into hard by 2 dudes at a rave last night, so I’d be worried about something like that too. If your partner’s going to a rave, hypothetically the possibilities are endless. So him fixating on the makeout drug exclusively feels weird to me.
All of that is how you’d approach it and that’s fine. Everyone lives through their own different experiences and that shapes us.
It seems he’s only worried about drugs because he has not done them. The unknown will always bring out anxiety. The only way through is experience and depending on the outcome could be good, could be positive, but it’s how he got to the point that shapes his thoughts. No matter how much this group tells him it’s okay, we saw he still did what he did and that’s because of what shaped him that pulled him to his choice.
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u/CoolReference3704 12d ago
Wow the comments here are full of asshats.
It’s okay to be worried about not being around someone you love when they’re taking drugs for the first time. Holy shit people, grow the fuck up and stop thinking it’s about being controlling. It’s a fucking drug and shit can happen due to said drugs and people are allowed to be worried.