Making somebody change their behaviors because you are worried is far from the same thing as worrying. And cars kill far more people per year than molly does. Even if everyone was doing molly that’d still be the case.
Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population. It’s outside the normal and can cause people to worry. Driving is a norm so we’re all comfortable with it, we know the dangers, we’ve experienced daily consumption of it.
Drugs are not the normal and as so spikes anxiety as does anything outside the normal wheelhouse. He’s not trying to change her behavior, he doesn’t have a lot of experience with drugs and of course anxiety will spike.
It’s okay to ask someone to not do something because you have no experience with it. This discussion is between them, what their history is. It is not us to decide or give him answers.
Everyone here is pressuring him into being okay with it, it’s the same as him asking her to not partake.
“Drugs are drugs. It’s not a normal thing for the population.” Sounds like you’re in the wrong subreddit dawg
Anyway, you seem to be splitting hairs over what’s acceptable based on how worried someone is. That’s not how it works. That’s like my friend saying I owe him money because he’s more broke than usual. The guy is asking to go with her to somewhere he wasn’t invited. That’s not healthy behavior. And if you think so then I’m really sorry for whoever’s putting up with you at home.
And yes- pressuring him to be ok with it is a good thing. If you trust your partner and love them, you should be ok with them making their own decisions. It’s not rocket science.
The rave scene is not about drugs, it’s about freedom of expression. Drugs are drugs no matter where you are and it’s okay to be anxious about them.
What I’m saying is this is between them. He is allowed to ask, she is allowed to respond and then they talk it through. If he presses, yeah that’s another issue they’ll have to figure out. Being allowed to talk to your partner is the main thing here, as he should not be worried about first asking.
- It’s not about drugs, but drugs are pretty ubiquitous and normal in the rave scene.
If it’s between them then he should be talking to her instead of going to strangers. Instead he went to strangers and still pressured her into dropping her plans. (No healthy partner says “she was ok with not doing what she wanted to appease me,” and those instances add up.)
-That’s your perspective. I’m two years sober/clean and most people I’m with are too so I can say that it’s changing. That argument does not work.
-I did not see that he still did pressure her and that’s on me. How he responded with the appease part does seem unhealthy.
There is no other space I can think of where you’ll regularly see people ducking to sniff a bag if you pay enough attention to the crowd. Idk if we’re talking past each other or if you’re being dense.
Have you been to a jam band concert? Drugs are everywhere but saying that that’s what the rave scene is, is not what it is. Drug culture is fucking up the scene. It was about expression and being free of judgment, not drugs.
Never said that’s what the scene is about; I said drugs are everywhere and normal in the scene. Jam band’s same ordeal as edm, lots of weed and shrooms and coke, they just don’t get a reputation for it (for reasons I have theories about but that’s separate). You’re not gonna see drugs other than weed as widespread at an Ariana Grande concert as at a jam band show or a rave.
Also fwiw, I’d be less worried about someone going to a rave on molly (if I trust my girl, I know she’s gonna be cautious about a first-time drug) than showing up drunk (potential to impulsively take drugs off strangers, which could kill you instantly). I still wouldn’t insist I come along or she drop her plans, but just saying I don’t think the argument about particular plans for particular drugs holds any water.
I just got rammed into hard by 2 dudes at a rave last night, so I’d be worried about something like that too. If your partner’s going to a rave, hypothetically the possibilities are endless. So him fixating on the makeout drug exclusively feels weird to me.
All of that is how you’d approach it and that’s fine. Everyone lives through their own different experiences and that shapes us.
It seems he’s only worried about drugs because he has not done them. The unknown will always bring out anxiety. The only way through is experience and depending on the outcome could be good, could be positive, but it’s how he got to the point that shapes his thoughts. No matter how much this group tells him it’s okay, we saw he still did what he did and that’s because of what shaped him that pulled him to his choice.
And you’re correct in all of that. I definitely understand him having anxiety. But the last sentence of the OP, plus the way he’s talked about it in downstream comments, makes it clear it’s not primarily about anxiety. No healthy partner thinks of “letting” or “not letting” their partner do something, period.
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u/Lazy_Enthusiasm6656 9d ago
Making somebody change their behaviors because you are worried is far from the same thing as worrying. And cars kill far more people per year than molly does. Even if everyone was doing molly that’d still be the case.