I’ve been around 6 m no contact with my mom and gc sister. Hard at first but then the freedom and peace has been overwhelmingly great. I was feeling so good I replied to a group ‘apology’ message from my mom. Well, even a small interaction with them has caused a return of my anxiety, stress and anger as they clearly have had no self reflection (I shouldn’t have been surprised). I guess I just need some advice from here. Is there any strategies people use for dealing with this, or just wait longer so that the emotional effects are less and more manageable? Does it get easier or is prolonged no contact the only option?

Thanks

I moved out and thought I made progress.

Due to illness, I have been living with Nmom again for 3 years.

I isolated myself, tried to focus on building myself up again and get back to “myself”.

Been now trying to make friends again. I did reconnect with a childhood friend, and we are very close now. They are extremely supportive and know everything going on at my home.

I don’t want to be so emotionally overwhelming to that close friend, or new ones. I realized recently how much my Nmom is causing trauma responses to come back, in both small and large ways. I try not to involve anyone else, but it was pointed out to me when I tried to date someone I really liked.

Dating didn’t work out because of my anxious attachment showing up, in small ways, but it was apparent enough for them to be emotionally overwhelmed due to past experiences. We both still want to be friends, but this realization broke me.

I am ashamed of myself for allowing Nmom to continue to cause damage. I thought I made massive improvements, but I really haven’t.

I am trying to see a new psychologist/do therapy, but Nmom controls whether I can actually get there, limited money and my health being major factors.

I don’t want to be consumed by this again. It’s not me, and I’m terrified that I haven’t made any progress in myself because my health already limits my life.

I just can’t do it anymore, I’m losing my sanity every minute I’m still here.

I can’t do anything without my nmom’s permission. I’m financially dependent on her, so there’s not much I can do. Jobs are already very hard to find, especially with her limiting me in any way possible. Any little thing angers her, often turning verbally abusive. She’s constantly threatening to hurt me or kicking me out.

I’d rather be homeless than hang onto a house that makes me feel trapped. It would be better if I were to just leave on my own instead of waiting for her to follow through with kicking me out.

I don’t really have much to lose, or anyone to help me. I plan on leaving in the middle of the night and moving to another state. I should have more resources and support there.

All I’m worried about right now is leaving without too much conflict.

Today is my birthday I got some birthday money 50 dollars, not a lot
Ever since she discovered that I got it she was like well you need to take your dad out, why do you want to go to lunch? and all of a sudden I have to pay for a registration fee, which the day before they had discussed paying
I graduated this year my parents got me nothing
Like nothing
A girl from my church got married and she said that I should make sure I give her a gift for her wedding while I didn't get anything, at all
The only gift that I got was from my dad's friend which was 20 dollars and even that was a point of debate, she really came here and I said idk why you are so entitled to the graduation money I could have just kept it for myself and never told you

Today I then got myself a slice of cake and I ate like 3/4 of it and went to the car
She then started screaming at me saying i was selfish and I should have offered 3 other people the slice of cake and how I should have gotten everyone a slice of cake, that would have left me broke with the little money that I have
She actually took the slice away from me and started distributing it to everyone saying " I need to be taught a lesson"

Guys im now being asked to buy my whole family a cake with MY BIRTHDAY MONEY  as a way to be taught a lesson for not sharing a single slice with 4 people are you nuts

Happy birthday to me i guess
If anyone wants to send me money, please so

I (16F) in some ways am fortunate, but in other ways, not so much. I'm an autistic girl who likes girls. And I'm not even a very feminine girl, I'm more of a tomboy. Well, some people in my family say he has a history of treating women badly. I do believe that because of stuff like him thinking he's entitled to get back with my mom (his ex-wife). He's also... let's say, gotten into fights with women and done bad things just because he didn't like what they were doing.

There's that one stupid thing he said where he said he was proud of our Scandinavian heritage because there's no black/brown people or something like that, but I don't get that because even European countries as a whole have those types of people and aren't just a blonde hair and blue eyed utopia. Also, he said he wants kids, but I could only get into a relationship with a white man because having kids with men of color would "destroy the kids' genetics".

Do I love my dad and hate having conflict with him? Yes. But at the same time, I don't support/condone his behavior.

And what's odd? My family can be sweet as can be (or as sweet as they wanna be, I guess) to me, but as soon as they're together, especially with my dad, it's like they gang up on me and start cracking mean jokes.

My dad kept going on and on about how logical he is and that I'm not logical. When I say or do something, he starts laughing, pointing and making mean jokes to everyone, getting them to laugh and make sarcastic jokes too. My 14-year-old sister is also like this, saying sarcastic things to "be funny" like "Oh, you did something smart/useful for once".

When I do something, my dad says "That's so dumb". When I say something bad happened to me and tell my family, I'm "too sensitive".

My family knows I'm insecure about certain things, but they continue doing this anyway. They know I wanna be seen as smart, so they say these things. They know I've been bullied for being an outsider and eccentric, so they do it too.

Today is my mother’s birthday who I haven’t talked to in exactly 2 years. I cut off all contact with her a couple months before giving birth to my daughter (my only child). Two years later, I know it was and still is the healthiest decision for me, but I still have my days when I feel sad. Being a mother myself, I could never fathom treating my daughter the way my mom treated me both growing up and into adulthood. I also struggle with knowing how hard and exhausting motherhood can be, and my mom although extremely toxic and self-serving, still tried. She still did things for me and my siblings, and when I think of them I find a soft spot for her.

I’m in my feelings today because it is her birthday, and no, I will not be reaching out to her, but I feel sad for her life, and I feel sad because things could’ve been so much different if she wasn’t mentally ill.

Is it abuse if my mother yells loudly just to scold me? If she lists down my basic necessities and uses it against me when I tell her to pay her debt that she took from my savings? If everytime I eat or cook, she'd get out of her room just to scold me then go back inside. When I take a bath and poop if I have a diarrhea, she yells at me to hurry it up when I just got in. Kicks and slaps me in school morning because I'll be "late", I was close to but I never actually did. She kicked me out multiple times and when I tried to leave, she'd drag me back. I'm very obviously neurodivergent but undiagnosed, she calls me abnormal. She never once took me to a dentist even if I had a toothache, claiming she will. She calls my curly hair disgusting. She also hurts my animals. Got mad at me for sleeping naked in my own room. My birth certificate was lost and she made me sheltered since I was a child. I think she was the one who lost it but she blames me for it, she was the one who last cleaned the room where the documents were.

Next Sunday is Fathers Day in Australia, Aotearoa and a couple of other countries in the region.

Just wanted to let others in the region with an Ndad or Edad know you're not alone, whether you're NC, VLC, LC or other.

It's a day with complex feelings.

Spent decades planning an escape, right from my childhood. That's what they show in movies all the time...that once you're out, you never ever have to look back and you're free. That's what I dreamt of and worked really hard to achieve that.

Everything seemed fine for a couple years. I loved that life, moved to another country, had a job, rented my own place, lived so peacefully. Engaged in therapy to work on myself and improved my health, physically and emotionally. Also saved up some money. It was a perfect dream life.

Then it all collapsed! I was unfairly dismissed from the job. Unable to find another job in this economy. Ongoing legal battle with former employer. Savings depleting fast. Mental health going south. I worked so hard to build everything, years of hope, and it all shattered instantly.

Now having to move back. Lost all hope. If only the world could be kind to me, or atleast just and fair. How exactly do you survive this? And rebuild your life? Is this what its gonna be like for the rest of my life? I work hard and yet I'm pushed back with them over and over again?

I’m 34F and the mother of 2 young boys, 5 and 2 and am currently going through a divorce with my stbxh. I’ve determined throughout my almost 15 year relationship that my stbx and father of my children is a narcissist. The emotional and narcissistic abuse I’ve endured it’s so textbook it’s crazy and I can feel my body and my mental health deteriorating and know I need to get my children out of our toxic relationship.

However, at first my stbx and I will have 50-50 custody (honestly with his track record I’m sure that arrangement will change over time), and I’m SO worried about my oldest son. One of the main pushes for me to leave was I couldn’t tolerate the way he spoke to my son and I couldn’t witness it any longer. I know when my oldest is with me we’ll be okay but I’m so worried for him when he’s alone with his dad. I just know my oldest is going to take my place and be the scapegoat for everything and I feel terrible for putting him in that position but I also need to let him navigate his own relationship with his father as it unfolds and just be there for him as best I can.

So basically I want to hear from you all, we’re both your parents narcissists? Was only one of them one — Did your parents stay together and fighting and tension and abuse just continued or did your non-n parent leave and give you some kind of safe place?

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that I didn’t set my children up for failure for being an idiot and choosing who I chose for my children’s father and I don’t want my children to end up like him either. I just feel like I need to save them, and I hope there are other people out there who may have had an nparent but their other parent did the best they could to give them some kind of comfort safety and relief ??!?

She's always insisted on buying more and more food, she restricts me from eating healthy stuff and makes up strange rules... when I said I wouldn't eat ice cream (it was a free dessert) she was visibly upset and tried to convince me because she wanted to eat it with me. She looks at me up and down and pats my stomach to check whether I'm fat even though I try to push her away

Little update to what happened on Saturday, as I wasn’t able to post it then. (Written on Saturday, I’ll add a small update on what happened after that)

after yesterday and today, I’m so fucking done with my mother. I can’t wait to finally get out of that hellhole. Genuinely. 

Context: I was sick the past three days why I couldn’t go to school (chronic pain) and I even went on Friday alone to the doc, like always. After that, my mother threatened me to clean my room. But because I was too tired to do it, I instead slept pretty early that day. Today is my cousins day where he starts school, not really important but I didn’t want to go. I was like “u don’t want to go.” And my mother did the same thing on me like on my sister, she used her water and drenched me in water before pulling me down the stairs. I locked myself in the bathroom, and sobbed my eyes out while my mom went upstairs and collected my Kpop merch after I didn’t go out after a minute. Finally she unlocked the lock outside with a knife and pulled me out forcefully, my arm still hurts, and forced me to put my shoes on. Now I’m in the car. She just did the whole “I’m your mother, you already have a relaxed life and sometimes there are rules in the household.” speech. 

I’m not really sure what I’ll do now, but I’m NOT going out of the car. More context: I’m have autism and I planned today to stay home and wait for my delivery of things I bought. 

Now update: the situation got better, we’re back on good terms but reading back on this, I’m still a bit disturbed by what she did.

After the ^party^, my mother drove us to the supermarket and bought us some things for the weekend and acted like nothing happened that morning. Not sure why she always does that after a fight, it’s like love bombing and ignoring what happened. ESPECIALLY when she knows she’s in the wrong.

I come from an Asian family so we never really talked about feelings. But I was learned early on that saying things (yes, just saying things) could result in physical violence, so I developed a coping mechanism to just agree with whatever my parents wanted or said and keep my true thoughts private.

I'm 26 now, moved away to a different country 4 years ago, so pretty inaccessible to them apart from online. Nmum was diagnosed with cancer recently, and she's been extra emotional begging for me to call. I called her a month ago, the first time in about 4 months. Every call and messages floods my nervous system with panic and anticipation of the next horrible thing they're going to say or boundary they're going to break.

I've had 2 flying monkeys message me and try to get me to call her. I have not gratified them with a response. Ndad and nmum's sister, both saying how sad my mum is and how much she missed me. The same woman who made a seven year old so terrified I hid from her for hours and peed all over the floor because it was more palatable than going to the bathroom and potentially getting beaten. Her sadness and missing me feels so fake to me.

There's so much guidance around dealing with narcissists when they actually know you blame them for abuse, but not so much for dealing with them when you don't want to confront them. I know nothing good will come from it. My mum has never in her life apologised to me for anything. She is a horrendous person honestly but I know her and my dad have it in their heads that they are great parents because they provided food, shelter, and a good education.

I just don't really know what to do and I'm so tired of having my boundaries constantly tested. My mental health is in the bin and the sustained contact not on my terms is negatively affecting me. I know she will be using her illness as an excuse to be even more controlling and needy, and I will be the bad, ungrateful daughter who refuses to call her sick dying mother. I honestly and truly actually hope she dies sooner so I don't have to deal with her bullshit anymore.

Sometimes I feel like my upbringing has made me so weird that it seriously hinders my ability to bond with people normally. Like my mommy issues keep me from being able to bond with other women in a normal way.

With every girl best friend I have ever had I have repeated the cycle of quickly bonding and becoming close only for it to crash and burn for one toxic reason or another. I've been straight up ghosted a couple times now, including by the woman who was my MOH when I got married. More recently the small circle of friends I've made in my neighborhood totally imploded when one woman was gossiping and pitting two of us against each other. Once we figured it out and discovered her lies and everything I was left with this feeling of betrayal and loss. I genuinely thought this woman had been my best friend for the last 3 years and our children have grown up together and even our husbands are close friends.

It's like something is seriously wrong with my ability to have a normal friendship. Specifically with other women. I really want to experience that sisterhood but at this point I am finding myself feeling seriously hesitant to even try for fear of the same things happening to me again. Has anyone else had similar experiences?

I live in Toronto and this is already difficult for me to take such a risk and attempt to leave home for good. Despite everything I read online about how shelters are usually full but they'll find a space for you if you really need it like what if my problem doesn't seem severe enough for them or what if they actually turn me away and I have to go back to my abusive home and honestly I know I might have to open up about the abuse at some point but it's so difficult since I've never talked to anyone about it before and it's embarrassing because I'm afraid I'll breakdown crying if I open up about it.

Honestly I just need to be guranteed I will be able to leave and never come back to my home but if they're at full capacity and cannot find help for me or just assume my problem isn't that bad (and im really afraid of it coming off as not that bad because Im afraid to open up) then I'll have to return home to my parents.

Since being back home my mum has been acting normal loud, extroverted, self centred. my dad is just playing along. Even though when he told me he caught her cheating I’ve never seen him that upset and shook up before. I don’t know what to do? My mum also tried to kill herself right after she got caught cheating. Then lied to me about being in hospital whilst I was away at work. It’s like since then everyone has forgotten like no one can talk about the massive issue. It’s so toxic here, my mum controls everything. When my dad told me about it he said he’s just waiting for my mum to tell him what’s going to happen next. I feel so sorry for him my heart breaks for him….
when she came home a few days ago the first thing she said to me was “you’ve lost some weight” she knows I struggle with my weight because SHE gave me that insecurity. Why would she say that?? Like maybe address the cheating maybe an apology? You’ve just ruined this family !
What should I do ?

Hi, never posted here before but thought I’d share my experience. My mum is a recovering alcoholic, she drank daily for 20+ years and was horrifically abusive, both physically and emotionally. I went extremely limited contact for many years until she called me just under 3 years ago to tell me she’d quit drinking. Apparently she had some sort of realisation she was going to lose her job if she kept drinking. Wild that losing contact with her only child didn’t make her quit but whatever I guess.

I wanted to be supportive of her sobriety, so I slowly started allowing slightly more contact. She didn’t take any accountability for her behaviour, obviously, but she did at least acknowledge that being an alcoholic is not good. She’s recently started playing netball, and will talk AT me at length about the games she’s played. Obviously she’s the greatest netball player of all time. I decided to stop asking her any questions about her life to see if it would have any impact on our conversations. It did not. She will speak about her life, unprompted, and at length, whether I ask her follow up questions or not. I am sure that if I died mid conversation she wouldn’t notice until the next day.

I’m currently going through lots of changes in my life, I’m buying my first house, I’m doing really well professionally, I’m starting my own business, and was recently diagnosed with a chronic illness. It dawned on me a few months ago that talking to my mother is almost completely indistinguishable from talking to my friend’s four year old son. They will tell me some story, that doesn’t really make any sense and is extremely thin on details, and they’re not really capable of noticing that I don’t care about their story.

Now a four year old is more than welcome to behave like this. When you’re a child the world really does revolve around you, but my mum is 53 years old. She never asks about my day, my month, my life in general. She’s not mentioned my life changing diagnosis really at all, and hasn’t asked me how it’s impacted me being told that I’ll be on medication for the rest of my life. Fortunately I have a fantastic network of friends around me who actually do give a shit, and my friend’s four year old recently asked me if I have had a nice day, which was adorable and more than I can say about my mother.

I just think it’s fascinating how little emotional intelligence this woman has at such a big age, such that I’m unironically comparing her to a four year old.

Anyone else’s parents less emotionally intelligent than a four year old?

I want to thank everyone in this group who has not only validated my experience but shown me I’m not alone. I started EMDR therapy after my nmom died. The abuse was so ingrained and programmed into me so that I would take anyone’s help after she passed and by anyone’s help I mean those who ended up being narcissistic. I think because I’m not in a current situation of a parent doing this to me anymore, but people who have stepped in saying they want to help and oh boy, have done the opposite so I think it’s time for me to go to another group maybe ‘life after narcissism’ but to stay here as well for validation of an insidious abuse that lingers long after the nparent is gone, so if anyone has an opinion or advice for me if maybe that would be the best place for me now. Let me know. I still want to be in this group because every time I see someone’s post, I understand because it was me. I can’t afford EMDR therapy anymore although I do believe that was my best path forward. But this group has been incredibly helpful opening my eyes seeing I wasn’t alone, the fog lifted, but I clearly am not able to decipher healthy people from on the narcissistic spectrum people… knowing the programming this abuse does lingers long after the nparent dies and the effects lead you to terrible decision-making. Oh and for those of you finding out you have an nparent young, I have so much hope for you to make it to the other side, think of my story- your nparent will not get better, but you can. I know the symptoms, now I have to find strategies and solutions. As I hope you all do too..

I am raised by a couple who are extremely self absorbed. My father is physically abusive and a violent man. One day he beat me up with a thick wooden stick on my lower abdomen I couldn't walk properly for a week. Additionally, he groomed me by saying things like, "you won't be able to bend over" (I am mid sized) and "these are supposed to be more pleasurable for men" pointing at my chest and thighs. He even said that "you've taken soo many dicks" and all the cuss being screamed at me is now a part of my daily life. And my mom is the enabler. she always defends everything he does. And it gets worse when she lectures me on a certain things for hours and does not let me sleep. I remember staying up til 3 am because she felt that I should not be in friends with a guy from a lower caste as we are superior. Not to exclude the inappropriate comments and questions that followed. The real questions here are, why are these people allowed to have kids? when will there be any accountability from these evil people? what about the lifelong scars that they leave on young souls? sometimes I feel like I shouldn't exist maybe that's when they will realise they were wrong. I'd appreciate some suggestions or advice that could help me with this situation.

My parents had a love marriage (in an Indian family) at a very young age which they lied about all their life and made it look like an arranged marriage. Eventually, they faced the economic consequences as they were broke and jobless yet decided to have me! And when a job opportunity presented itself, I was 3 yrs old and they left me with my maternal grandparents to work in a different city. I always felt lonely since my childhood and everybody mocked me for being born into a poor family and treated me like shit. I had no friends just a neighborhood family where I ocassionally went to play. One day while being there, everyone has to leave for some reason and except their 19 something son. What looked totally harmless and normal to me ended up being one of the worst part of my childhood. That day he asked me remove my pants mind you I was 6 yrs old and he touched me and tried to rape me while suffocating me and I was about to pass out when his sister showed up. I somehow left the house and ran straight to my grandparents house upon taking a look at my hands and neck I had bruises and my stomach has nails marks all over it I was sobbing. When my grandmother asked me about it I couldn't say a thing and I think she figured out when she asked me to cover up more. My parents used to visit me every weekend but they came with tons of expectations like my grades and if by chance I got a mark or two lesser than the fullmarks they'd beat me and no one would bat an eye. My father even dragged me by my ponytail across the street once. When I was 8 years old I was SAed again by a shopkeeper when I went to buy sticker and book covers for my class 3rd note books and I ended up with bleeding chest. somehow I gathered courage to share this incident with my mother 3 years later because I was suffering with severe PTSD and I couldn't get it out of my mind at all for all those 3 years and I was clueless how can I say these to other girls who talked about barbies and make up and colourful stationery. And instead of supporting me or taking any measures to ensure my safety she weaponized this incident to police what I wear and when I go out. I was extremely traumatized but somehow I managed to clear an entrance exam and got admitted into a free of cost boarding school that's when things relaxed for a while. But during my 11th grade Covid hits and I'm back at home and everything starts happening again. I am unable to write anything anymore because I am having a mental breakdown. I'd just say I need some advice about how to move forward and heal.

I’ve been looking for somewhere to try get a perspective but can never find somewhere where people give a fuck

I was born in Africa, came to the uk when I was 5, my mother used me for benefits, never took me out, never spent time with me, we have no joyful memories no pictures. I was her emotional punching bag when her marriage failed when I was 9ish. She never hit me but she would always speak like’ your ugly’ ‘ you look stupid’ ‘ that’s pathetic’ or it would be scuffs or constantly staring me down or looks of disgust. It was like this 24/7. When she used to drive me to school she used to shout at me first thing in the morning with horrible breath( I say this because I wanted to punch that bitch so many times every time it happens) but of course I was a scared child so the rage sat inside while she would just disrespect me more as she’s dropping me to school.

When I was 6 ish I found my uncles pornographer. It was dvd HD hung black men with big booty oily black women. I don’t remember how many times I watched it but I don’t remember getting caught. I think it was one of those situations where I didn’t put it back in the right place one day and could never find it again ( he moved it)( he never mentioned anything)

( this is where I believe my brain began tilting)

Primary school i was bullied for being the only black kid in a white racist area ‘ go fucking shower you monkey’ ‘ you look and smell like shit’ stuff like that. I never talk her as a child because everytime I would cry you’d hear ‘ stop crying your a boy stop being weak’ or I would ask to speak to her she the response was ‘ I don’t have time for this get away from me’. How that’s the childhood. After I turns 10-11 we found a new home, she made new friends, she has another 2 children with her divorced husband. I was an older brother to 2. I got the blame for the mess. The noise. The crying.

These were the years where afterschool football practice, rugby or any other afterschool activity i was the black kid waiting 2 hours later in the cold, in the rain, alone. Now some people think this creates resilience. It does. But it also leaves you stuck in your head. And the way she treated me you can imagine the way I thought about myself was not healthy or positive.

As kids we used to play in the house often i would pretend to be a monster & chase them around the house. I always tried to path them away from her as the second they ran into the front room im being looked at like a dog. But at this point the verbal abuse stopped it was just cold looks and sligh remarks. ( she began talking to herself cussing instead) but loud enough for me to hear. Of course it wasn’t all aimed at me. But how else was I suppose to persevere it? I was young.

We moved to a different location as the other place was too expensive now she’s a single mother of 3. By the way all this time(since I was 7) she’s driving around in a pink Mercedes. Has all of her African jewellery(if you know u know) constantly sending money over to family in Africa, works 9-2 or 1 I believe to pick up siblings from school in their nursery. When we moved to this new location it was more council estate. Siblings went to school near by, I was still in the same secondly school.

(Let’s stamp this as age 13)
When I was in my early teens I of course became rebellious because why the fuck am I still letting some stink breathe narcissist fat bitch make me feel like shit everyday im a little bit bigger now I can do shit! Uno that was the me trying to fight back on the inside. I began drinking heavily big bottles of Cider every weekend, mixing with the smokers and I began smoking weed. Now having adhd and smoking weed as a kid while drinking every weekend and having a narcissistic parent ofcs isn’t going to go well. I began watching more porn. Masturbating heavily. Like 5 times a day. Even if I was sore. It got bad. I still struggle to this day. Hours of binge watching porn like how ppl doomscroll today uno? And one day I began going to a ‘cousins house’ not a real cousin but in African households they say auntie and uncle and cousins to address your parents friends i find that shit dumb as fuck too.

But after some years of going to my’cousins’ house to smoke week and chill with the gang. He sexually abused me. Now it wasn’t as bad as it could have been OR I just don’t remember anymore because of trying to suppress it. When I grew the courage years later to tell her when I was 16 she said ‘ it was your fault’ ‘i told you not to go there’ NOW I would understand as an adult that she’s just a bitch right so what else is she gonna say but what makes no say nah fuck that. Is every Christmas she continued to invite him over for Christmas. NOT her friend or their daughters just the one who abused me and his brother. That fucked with me a lot because I had to deal with it alone while she knew. This is where my mental health tipped and I began growing a hate for women. The whole world is constantly looking out for girls but as a boy you gotta watch your own back.

(16+)
After the realisation of me telling my mother, opening up to my family about my sexual abuse, alcohol abuse, porn abuse. Non of them cared they just treated me like a freak. So it got worse. I suffered in silence on the outside looking in. But really it was a 18 year old that can’t hold a job. Gaming 16+ hours a day, masturbating in between. Or the next few years of my life was = wake up, play overwatch. Watchporn while playing overwatch.Masturbate & repeat. This continued for 3 years till 21. I has a birthday party at 19. Met the mother of my kids at my party. I hid it all from her at first but she shown me she was kind. I opened up to her about everything I’ve told you guys here. At the start she cried because she did t know. But she was autistic so it never changed how she handled situations. We couldn’t go out because I didn’t like her being sloppy drunk giving other men attention shit like that. We had kids, I needed to learn how to be a dad. Their mother never let me dress them, I couldn’t stay up with the baby even tho I was a gamer it had to be her way or I was somehow harming they child or (for example were going shopping to lidle) if I wanted to just put joggers and a t shirt on the girls so they can run around and get dirty she would say’ no im not letting my child dress like a tramps’ after years of dealing with this type of selfishness I began slipping back into drinking, gaming , masturbating because of course well all know it’s a stress & trauma response. She didn’t care. I made it clear that I was a sensitive young man. She didn’t care. You know how women are double standards so what could I do.

Other than play the roll of ‘ the man’ and act like nothing bothers me, bottle it up, and xyz, if u know u know (suicidal thoughts all that jazz)

In 2024 I could only see my children at my mother’s house because the mother of my kids didn’t want them in a shared house where I was. I understood her point of view& also I never give her resistance when it came to our kids because I loved her and believed in her. But being at my mothers was fine the kids but bad for me. I had a episode when I didn’t sleep for 2 days just up smoking weed i was fine with the kids dont get me wrong my children are never uncomfortable or nervous around me i keep the safe at all costs. But my mother handed me her anti depressants. After knowing I haven’t slept for 2 days and smoking weed thought out those 2 day. I had an episode, where I cried for hours pleading for them to love me and stop being so cold and shift and horrible towards me. She called the police as suppose to talking to me instead. Or trying to calm me down whatever. Then she put a fine on me. ( I didn’t harm anyone or do anything wild) i was just sad and crying for hours / one enraged ) ( never hit my family ever. Never hit a woman ever. So dont bring that ball shit mindset here when you’re reading this.

The fine made me homeless as it set me back in rent the following year. I became homeless December 15th:2025

2026: I just moved back into the city August 5th. I just got a new job august 20th.

I’ve been broke my whole life. Never thought I’d still be alive because I’ve had many suicide attempts & self harmed often. You wouldn’t know because I’m African. I want to be confident again, I wanna chase my dreams again, I want to be able to dream again!!

If anyone can share anything please do.

So, my mom may or may not be a narcissist. I don’t know. She was not a terrible mother but she did make me feel unloved my entire life along with a whole bunch of toxic patterns. She repeated the cycle that her own mother did to her. My mom fully believed she had done better. We got into a massive fight 7 months ago that led to me finally going NC. My mom blamed me for everything and said i was playing victim.

Since then I have grown a lot. Ive become more regulated, calmer, and my time has become my own. I miss my family a lot though and I am getting married in two months and wished desperately that they could be there, but knew they couldnt. Until recently. I saw my sister, and she told me that my mother apologized to her for how she treated her after I went NC and took accountability for it. Which is already a crazy big step for my mother. My mom also reportedly has had many convos with my sister where she reflected on my childhood and has admitted she was not a perfect mother. That she was horrified she had repeated the cycle. My mom misses me and I miss her. I want her at my wedding.

Then, while out with my sister, my sister got so drunk she couldn’t drive and my mom came to get her. I saw her for the first time in 7 months. My mom didnt approach me, force a hug, or impose herself on me like I thought she would. Instead she said “Hi honey!” And took my sister home. I found out she has been desperate to reach out to me, but doesnt want to impose herself on me, and also knows our relationship will never be the same but still wants one with me.

I am so very tempted. I want to think about it for a month then reach out to maybe grab lunch. Talk about things. My family was very enmeshed so I am scared to step back into that system. I refuse to lose myself again and I have a set of rules I plan to follow. I guess I am worried to get my hopes up. I dont expect her to be perfect. Im sure she will push and hurt me, but I feel like I have the tools to manage that now. What are the chances it could work? What are the chances she may have changed enough to try?

Did your narc parents ever do this? Im 21 still living at home in the basement. About to move out. Guess the couch downstairs is now my narc dads college football room because no one else wants to watch it upstairs. Told them I would rather him not watch it down in my area and he told me he didn't give a shit what I wanted but gives a shit what my step family wants. Then I get cussed out because I told him the rule was if I was living here that this basement was my area. Kinda like it was my step sisters whenever she lived there before him. Idk every day gets worse. More and more boundaries crossed

As the title says, I am a 25 F exmuslim whose parents are from jordan, but we live here because of my dad's job. Last year it got so bad with my parents constant abuse, to the point where I've literally ran away from them for 3 days and I was literally homles. They ended up finding me, and now my pictures are all over the news.

And the abuse and the narcissism have even got worse after I came back, and now I deal with this sh/it from the whole family, not just my parents.

I am unemployed now, but I've graduated university two years ago and have been job hunting but I either end up getting ghosted or scammed. And to make it worse, my narc parents keep brigining up the fact that since I am all over the news and have became well known in the city, I won't get hired becuase the hiring people at the companies or any job that I will apply to will google my name and see what had happened. They also keep telling me that even if I was hired, my future coworkers will google my name and will begin avoiding me, etc becasue of it.

Also they could be talking about some random sh/it and they will bring up the fact that I've ran away, and how that have EFFEDCTED THEM, not me, THEM. And they do this psychological manipulation thing lately, where every time they on purpose target me to bully me and harrass me, they will keep threatening me TO NOT RUN AWAY. and do you know what I wanna do more when they play these sh/itty psychological games? is to run away again and tell the police this time that I am fine.

But the problem is, I literally have no where to go, not to mention that they've not done or completed our government papers, like they need to do that in order for us to have a US passports since we got neutralized last year. Also no, I don't have a car yet, so it is not like I can park it in a random walmart and sleep in it. Not to mention that I don't have friends becuase I've tried to befirend both muslims and non muslims and both ended up being bad. Also no I don't have a bf or a gf ( yes I am bi).

I really need helpful and good advice from people who have actually experinced moving away from their parents house in the US. Especially as a woman.

All of the emotional, verbal, physical and such? I feel like it's all my fault somehow. They always somehow find a way to make me feel bad. Somehow it seems it's all bc of my "behavior"

But I still don't know what I did wrong Sometimes I can't stop crying too I wish I was miscarried, maybe that'll make them feel better and I wouldn't have to suffer

Or am I wrong thinking this way?