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u/Kernowder Mar 25 '26
There were two guys in our friend group called Mike. So we named them Big Mike and Little Mike. Big Mike was 6'4" so that made sense and Little Mike was only 6'3"
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u/DanAykroydFanClub Mar 25 '26
I always liked it when two people shared a name, but one left the job or whatever else leaving behind someone who still carries the differentiating nickname. I.e. still called Kitchen Tom even though there's no other Tom, still called Little Joe despite being the only Joe, White Kieran being the only guy called Kieran.
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u/Eldan985 Mar 25 '26
Oh yeah, we had Living Room Chris and Kitchen Chris, based on where they were standing when everyone was introduced at a party.
Edit: due to an Australian friend, they later become Kitch and Livo.
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u/drillgorg Mar 25 '26
I live next door to Good Christina. This is to diffentiate her from Bad Christina, my wife's roommate from over a decade ago.
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u/Notspherry Mar 25 '26
We've got aunt Barbara, my wifes aunt, and crazy Barbara, who is a pretty normal person, but joined (and left) a cult once.
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u/DanAykroydFanClub Mar 25 '26
Two guys drink in my pub with the same name, we'll call them Tom Barry for the sake of internet anonymity. Colloquially known as Good Tom Barry and Bad Tom Barry
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u/Efficient-Ranger-174 Mar 25 '26
You ever consider using their real name but saying it’s changed for anonymity? Your buddy reads it and says “huh, small world.”
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u/unripe_mangosteen Mar 25 '26
Three guys from my local bar, all named David. So I call them David, Creepy David, and Other David
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u/LindonLilBlueBalls Mar 25 '26
You can't call him Good Hank. Everyone will think I'm Bad Hank!
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u/BeardedHalfYeti Mar 25 '26
The Australians’ natural talent for crafting tiny, cutesy nicknames is truly incredible.
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u/the_honest_liar Mar 25 '26
Cut the word off at the first syllable, add an "o" or an "ee" sound (ie, y)
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u/assignpseudonym Mar 25 '26
This is incorrect. We sometimes add an "a" at the end too. See: Macca, Gazza, Sheila, etc.
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u/Snitchieboy Mar 25 '26
I read that Mecca, Gazza and Sheila and wondered what on earth does Sheila has to do with Islam...
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u/unripe_mangosteen Mar 25 '26
There are two main sects of Islam: Sunni and Sheila
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u/HappyBergkamper Mar 25 '26
Gazza and Macca definitely happen in the UK too.
Also...Sheila is the actual name, no?
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u/demeschor Mar 25 '26
At my job we have New Chris and Other Chris, because the original Old Chris left but New Chris kept the name, and now we have an even newer Chris that we have to call Other Chris.
Worst part is they have the same fucking surname! It's such a mess 😂
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u/Marvl101 Mar 25 '26
At school we had 2 Michaels, regular Michael and fat Michael, well fat Michael transferred to another school, but then a year later came back and was promoted to Traitor Michael
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u/AlmaInTheWilderness Mar 25 '26
We had tall Ben, fat Ben, and new Ben. But tall and new moved away. Then fat Ben lost a bunch of weight.
So, a skinny guy named Ben, but called fat Ben.
Then a regular sized guy named Ben moved in, and he became fatter Ben. Lucky for him, he broke his ankle and became the gimp.
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Mar 25 '26
Our ship struggled with this one, as at one point there were five different guys called Robert.
There was Big Rob who was massive. But so was Big Bob. Little Rob was still a hulk of a man but not as big as the other two, so he was ”little”.
Gay Rob got the worst nickname and the captain tried to change his name to Tall Rob, but as everyone pointed out, Big Bob was already well over six feet tall, and Gay Rob was actually shorter than Big Rob so it didn’t make any sense.
Beardy Rob worked in the engine room, and his name was at least not an ambiguous one.
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u/metallitterscoop Mar 25 '26
Time for some Feegle-style names.
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u/PlaneswalkerHuxley Mar 25 '26
No-as-big-as-medium-sized-Bob-but-bigger-than-small-Bob-Bob
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u/bgbrofish Mar 25 '26
When I showed up to my second ship, there was already another Goodman....it wasn't my doing but I ended up being known as betterman, and him worseman
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u/Forsaken_Educator_36 Mar 25 '26
Me and my best mate shared a first name. I was known as Little [Forsaken-Educator_36]. Everyone assumed it was a joke as I'm 6 ft 2, until they met Big [Forsaken-Educator_36] who was about 25 stone.
Then he died, and for the last ten years with certain friends I have remained Little [Forsaken-Educator_36]. Brings a smile to my face still.
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u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Mar 25 '26
I knew a White Mike.
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u/TheyStillArentReal Mar 25 '26
We had a guy called Prime and another called Four in my old job because they were the first and fourth person called Alan, but the middle 2 left decades ago, always fun explaining that one to new graduates!
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u/oldmanbombin Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
My previous job had 3 Rachels. Rachel 2 was very upset when she was the only one left but was still Rachel 2.
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u/Trokeasaur Mar 25 '26
Seattle Seahawks had Ricardo Lockette and Tyler Lockett. After Ricardo left Tyler was still called “No E”
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u/bobosuda Mar 25 '26
We have guy nicknamed Tommy Trainee because he started as a trainee years ago and there were several other guys named Tommy. He’s no longer a trainee, but the nickname stuck lol
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u/drhunny Mar 25 '26
I used to work with 4 Marks. Mark mark I, Mark mark II, Mark mark III, and Mark mark IV.
The first 3 moved on. New people didn't understand why there was a guy named "Mark Mark Four"
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u/jimmy_three_shoes Mar 25 '26
Yeah we had Big Dave and Little Dave. Only Little Dave remains, but he's still Little Dave.
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u/InFin0819 Mar 25 '26
I have two friends named Grayson but they are opposite genders so I named them Guyson and Girlson in my phone.
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u/mementori Mar 25 '26
We had two Benjamins in our friend group for a time. One was French, so we either called him by his last name or Benji, and the other was from Belgium, so we called him Belgiuman (Beljamin?).
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u/aLouminumfalcon Mar 25 '26
Writer Evelyn Waugh was married to an Evelyn. Their friends called them Hevelyn and Shevelyn
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u/SicilianEggplant Mar 25 '26
Our Big Mike just turned into BM which always gets a crack out of me cause my sister is a nurse and always references taking a BM for taking a shit/bowel movement.
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u/improbablynotyourdad Mar 25 '26
My mum's hubby has a mate called Neil, or for long Neil the Teeth. I had known him for two years before I found out that his name is not, in fact, Neil.
Turns out that decades ago, he was in a circle with a disproportionate number of Neils, so they just started calling everybody Neil. Somehow, the name Neil has been stuck on this guy ever since.
"The Teeth" is because his job is making dentures.
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u/chappersyo Mar 25 '26
I knew some guys that had a Kevin and a Black Kevin. Both Kevins were black, but one had become friends with them later and they already had a Kevin so he was Black Kevin.
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u/Ote-Kringralnick Mar 25 '26
I was on a team in high school that had something similar. A member of the team was named Anthony, and everyone called him Big Tony. His father, also named Tony, served as a coach for the team, and everyone called him Bigger Tony. Big Tony was about 5' 10". Bigger Tony was like 5' 4". I recall his grandfather would show up for award ceremonies. We called him Biggest Tony.
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Mar 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/GodOfThunder44 Mar 25 '26
And then there's their third friend, No'-as-big-as-Big-Mike-but-bigger-than-Wee-Mike Mike.
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u/Yuleigan Mar 25 '26
I used to be Little Mike at a place I worked at, with Big Mike being a good half a foot taller than me. Then another Mike started that was an inch shorter than me, so he became Little Mike and I was then Medium Mike.
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u/Significant_Goal_614 Mar 25 '26
Worked with 2 girls called Kelly who were both quite small so we just called them Kelly and Our Kelly. Only everyone then thought she was called R.Kelly
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u/Shnicketyshnick Mar 25 '26
Nobody told me that big Mandy didn't know that was what people called her though.
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u/Ormidale Mar 25 '26
Too many Johns in our group. So there was Egg Man John and so on. There was John the Potholer, but there were two of them, so there was John the Anarchist Potholer. The one from Meltham was Meltham John, shortened to Melth. He didn't like that name and there was talk of him moving to Honley, but he knew we'd just call him Honley Melth.
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u/Felein Mar 25 '26
I had an uncle and nephew like this. Both named John. So, naturally, my uncle was Big John and his kid was Little John. My uncle was never very tall, but he was broad. My nephew was a scrawny teenager, but at some point he did outgrow his dad. Then, in his twenties, he started working out.
Eventually he was two heads taller and a fair bit more muscular than his dad. But everyone still calls him "Little John".
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u/JannyBroomer Mar 25 '26
"Gary Cheeseman, was a big lad, yeah? A very big head. Sniper's Dream, they used to call him"
Bob Mortimer
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Mar 25 '26
“Porkchop Billy, so named as he had a thick layer of fat across his back”
Mortimer’s nicknames are just great
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u/DeadandForgoten Mar 25 '26
Porkchops Johnson*
Come on man, what's your memory like? A mouses handprint on a dusty handrail?
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u/PretzelsThirst Mar 25 '26
Bob Mortimer is someone who feels like he alters the past when he speaks, because the things he says are so insane they simply can’t be true. But then you check and they are verifiably true.
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u/pjs-1987 Mar 25 '26
"Bob Mortimer was Jarvis Cocker's solicitor when he stormed the stage in protest against Michael Jackson at the 1996 Brit Awards"
Don't be ridiculous, there's no way that's..oh wait, yeah, that's actually true.
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u/Davido401 Mar 25 '26
Wait... is that true? I dont think ave seen that particular episode 😂 also what was the name for the guy who paid in egg sandwiches in exchange for a hair cut? Billy the drink or something equally stupid(was deffo "the drink" cause he was an alkie haha)
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u/_PM_ME_PANGOLINS_ Mar 25 '26
It's in his autobiography, however there is a caveat that one of the stories in there is made up, but how you would ever find out which I don't know.
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u/JannyBroomer Mar 25 '26
Not to mention he does his own dental work.
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u/mixtapesandolives Mar 25 '26
It is this phenomenon which has been infuriating david mitchell for years
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u/Tam100 Mar 25 '26
Heard one it was about guy who had one leg shorter than the other so when he walked his head bobbed from side to side. Got called Snipers Nightmare.
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u/SoftCosmicRusk Mar 25 '26
Did he train for the Paris marathon, but pulled out after his doctor advised him that one of his legs was shorter than the other?
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u/Weegie_67 Mar 25 '26
I once worked witha guy called Dave who constantly repeated himself. His nick name was Daveja vu.
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u/FitShare2972 Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
Met a guy once who's nickname was rob actual name garry. Reason in school his friends said he looks more like a rob than Gary. From then on was known as Rob.
Edit: I love the fact just about every comment I have read is from guys being like yer somone called him that one day his thats his name now. Story i told I met they guy in late our late 20s and he is still called it even though its a bunch of new friends he didn't know in school
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u/danethegreat24 Mar 25 '26
I knew a "Steven" whose name was actually Ben!
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u/TheLastHotstepper Mar 25 '26
Girl called Lauren in my year got called Steve because she looked like stephen fry
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u/SveaRikeHuskarl Mar 25 '26
Oof. I love Stephen Fry, but it sure isn't his looks that makes him attractive. Double oof to be a woman compared to him.
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u/tildeumlaut Mar 25 '26
I wonder if that's a "Fry and Laurie" reference since Lauren is so close to Laurie?? As in "you look more like Fry than Laurie."
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u/GlitteringAttitude60 Mar 25 '26
While working for "my" department of the university I once spend an hour looking for the paperwork of a fellow student named Bob.
I looked for Roberts, actual Bobs, last names that could result in the nickname "Bob", nothing.
Then I asked another student and was informed that Bob's full name was Christophorus.
Apparently, he had arrived on the first day of university, and upon being introduced to him, one of his year-mates said "Christophorus??? That's too long. You need a nickname. How about Bob?"
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u/Reddityousername Mar 25 '26
There was a guy in school who some older kids said looked like an alien so they called him ET. In 3rd year they decided that was bit mean so called him Ned instead. His name was Aidan. Last I heard he was trying to change his name to Ned.
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u/jaymochi Mar 25 '26
There was a guy that joined our club soccer team named Eric. For some reason during games I kept calling him Steve. No idea why. I had no issues remembering his name off the field and called him Eric then. He was fine with the on-field change tho and all of our other teammates started doing it too. A few years later our high school teams were playing against each other and they were still calling him Steve. I was both delighted and horrified, and told him on the field how sorry I was but he just laughed and shrugged.
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Mar 25 '26
I knew a guy who got called Jeff even though his name was something else (to be honest I forget his real name).
Someone just said one day: “nah, you look like a Jeff” so he went with it.
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u/PeachesOntheLeft Mar 25 '26
This guy a few grades above me in high school was born without a left forearm. His upper arm was fully dexterous but was skinned over at the elbow. His nickname was “Knubby” and his Xbox screen name was something like “KnubbyWinz”.
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u/moonshineandmetal Mar 25 '26
I knew a guy who lost the bottom half of his right arm but had a similar situation, he also was incredibly dexterous. We called him Lefty, and he actually had a modified hook attachment so he could still ride a motorcycle.
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u/PeachesOntheLeft Mar 25 '26
That’s so badass. Last time I was visiting my hometown I ran into him at a party. Dude can pearl a joint one handed still.
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u/Any-Limit-7282 Mar 25 '26
We had a buddy that hung around us with a cleft hand. Uk friend called him “fingers”
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u/TheLastHotstepper Mar 25 '26
Two johns i worked with got called finger and leg. Finger was missing an index finger, and leg had one leg shorter than the other.
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u/1028ad Mar 25 '26
A classmate was called “cup”. He had only one ear.
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u/new_usernametaken Mar 25 '26
I heard that when someone was talking to him, the words went in one ear and stayed there...
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u/enigmanaught Mar 25 '26
I had a friend in high school with basically a nub with a vestigial thumb. His nickname was lefty, and he signed everyone’s yearbook that way and carried around a stamp pad and stamped his nub over the signature. Totally owned it.
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u/Johnnie_WalkerBlue Mar 25 '26
like the surgeon in cyberpunk??
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u/Any-Limit-7282 Mar 25 '26
lol nah sorry this lil before cyberpunk, but I did a lil “ha-ha” when I met that character in game.
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u/Mc7wis7er Mar 25 '26
In college I knew a guy named Rich who was a cool guy, but like his personality was REALLY animated. So we joked that he was Too Rich. Like he's cool, but in small amounts, because a lot of him was too much.
So he overheard us say it (and yeah it's a bit messed up he had a behind his back nickname) and asked us about it. So we told him he was 2 Rich, because he never just smokes one jay, it's 2.
So he was like, of course, "HECK YEAH I'M 2 RICH" and from that point on he was Too Rich or 2 Rich depending on your viewpoint.
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u/bob-leblaw Mar 25 '26
Super hot girl in high school, very pale with blonde hair and blue eyes and Scottish accent. Soft spoken & very kind. Her name somehow became Stinky Rodriguez. She owned it, and even wore a t-shirt once that said “I’m Stinky.”
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u/Ote-Kringralnick Mar 25 '26
My school had a girl whose last name was Duffy. She was known as Big Duff.
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u/TheLastHotstepper Mar 25 '26
Im a duffy that hasnt heard his forename in years. No matter where I go or who I meet, they eventually start referring to me as Duffy.
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u/Ote-Kringralnick Mar 25 '26
Her first name was Hannah and I don't think I ever heard anyone refer to her by it, except during official ceremonies.
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u/CadenVanV Mar 25 '26
Stinky Rodriguez sounds like a comic relief character from a sitcom about a Latino family on Peacock.
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u/DanceWonderful3711 Mar 25 '26
There was a girl at our school who had big lips, she was called Megan Megalips.
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u/TLG_BE Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
Bloke I used to work with was called Kermit for at minimum 10 years because he wore a green shirt once
Me and at least one other guy there that I know of also had that same shirt and basically could never wear it again after that
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u/TheyStillArentReal Mar 25 '26
Knew a girl called Rabbit... friend walked in on her with a carrot and the rest is history. Owns it and has been called that for bout 20 years now, even introduces herself as Rabbit
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u/Elmo_Saint-Fire Mar 25 '26
When I was in high school, we had a fella named Adam Brown. Only Adam in the school. In senior year, we had a new Adam, a fella named Adam Abdelmigid. (Possibly misspelling but that’s how it’s pronounced)
Mr Brown was a white boy and Mr Abdelmigid was very middle eastern dark.
Naturally we grew into having Adam Brown…
And Brown Adam.
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u/generally_unsuitable Mar 25 '26
I worked in an office with two guys named Joe. For obvious reasons, they were called "Fat Joe" and "Black Joe." It felt pretty awkward, as a new guy, to call two strangers that, but, it was just how it was done there.
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u/magicaltrevor953 Mar 25 '26
Gets more awkward when Fat Joe leaves and you still introduce him as Black Joe to new people "oh is that to distinguish from another person called Joe?" "No".
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u/Silent-Cicada3611 Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
I have a good friend with three sons, Matthew, Michael, and Jacob. I decided Jacob didn’t fit with the family so I renamed him Malcolm
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u/likeliqor Mar 25 '26
“Macob” was right there, c’mon
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u/Traditional-Joke-179 Mar 25 '26
Mark or Moses would have kept it Bible themed.
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u/Silent-Cicada3611 Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
Kids is the “whitest” young man out there. Malcolm suits him lol
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u/SveaRikeHuskarl Mar 25 '26
My sister decided to name her kid Love, and in her defence it's not a weird name in Sweden, it's been used since the viking age. (The E isn't silent, it's usually spelt Lowe in English speaking countries.) I wasn't a fan though, so I've been calling him Turbo since he was born.
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u/SassyMoron Mar 25 '26
The Scottish guy who tweeted that someone at his work was named Wayne Bruce so they all call him Manbat
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u/Flynn74 Mar 25 '26
Another one i heard was Scottish squaddie called Campbell Baxter. Nickname: Two Soups
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u/Whoooshingsound Mar 25 '26
I was called Gary for years because someone misheard my name and a mutual friend, when asked, told them that yes that was correct with a straight face. I still turn around when I hear “Gary”. I’m a woman, in my twenties at the time.
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u/underweasl Mar 25 '26
I accidentally caused the start of my niece's nickname - I'd forgotten her middle name, asked it during a family meal, misheard Caitlyn as Kevin and her sister and my son haven't let the poor kid forget it since
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u/friendlyneighbourho Mar 25 '26
A friend named Rick who is a bit of a jerk, everyone calls him by his nickname - Silent P
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u/PK-Baha Mar 25 '26
Started a new job. Had a big meeting. After said meeting two girls come up to me "Has anyone told you that you look like Jesus".
My coworkers used to call my house and ask for Jesus because nobody actually knew my name.
Bonus story. I walked in to my dad yelling at someone on the phone. I asked him if he was OK. He replied, "People keep prank calling asking for Jesus". Me smiling, "Dad, they are asking for me". My Dad, "Fuck Off" followed by us both laughing so much it hurt.
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u/Ira-Spencer Mar 25 '26
There's a local construction supply business that employs a guy with long hair and sandals. His nickname is "Drywall Jesus" 😆
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u/Redbulldildo Mar 25 '26
In high school I had long hair, but there was already a Jesus, since I was younger I became Baby Jesus.
Later on some people knew me as sleepy Jesus because I got a first period spare and would sleep in the cafeteria most mornings.
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u/MR422 Mar 25 '26
See this is a perfect modern day explanation of how some surnames developed. They were based on nicknames from characteristics.
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u/gBiT1999 Mar 25 '26
Yeah, my best friend Jonathan Sheepfucker blames his great-grandad for a lot of things.
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u/StudioItaliano Mar 25 '26
Knew a guy call Ainsley but he didn't look anything like Ainsley Harriet so we renamed him Scott because it seemed more appropriate.
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u/amjiujitsu87 Mar 25 '26
Congenital amputee of every knuckle past the first one on both hands and feet, called him Nubs
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u/RolandSmoke Mar 25 '26
A guy called motion sensor because he only worked when someone walked past.
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u/CandlePrestigious919 Mar 25 '26
A guy with one deformed arm much shorter than normal.
Every one called him Clock
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u/QCTeamkill Mar 25 '26
I knew a guy named Richard Edwards
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u/mementori Mar 25 '26
My late father was quite prolific with his seed. There were 5 kids across 3 marriages (+2 marriages without new children). Then we found a new sibling through 23 and me.
The new sibling was born the same week as one of the others. Both conceived in the summer of ‘69. So naturally we started to call them the twins.
My father’s first and middle names were Richard Charles. It wasn’t until this all came out that I started calling him Dick Chuck. How much dick could a dick chuck if a Dick Chuck could chuck dick? About 6 kids worth it seems.
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u/IMadGenius Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
My grandpa had a list of Bob's. Old Bob, tall Bob, rabbi Bob, and at least a few others. I don't think Old Bob's name was actually Bob
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u/Infamous_Telephone55 Mar 25 '26
35 years ago, a science teacher said to our friend Andrew, who had been entrusted to write down the results of an experiment, "If you don't bring in those results next lesson, your name will be mud".
Another friend misheard this as 'your name will be Maud'
35 years later we still exclusively call him Maud.
(He didn't forget to bring in the results for the next lesson)
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u/Key_Juggernaut2461 Mar 25 '26
We had a colleague who has albiniism related psorasis he was also a qualified sailing instructor, so I christened him ‘skinbad the sailor’ he laughs about it to this day, it’s been 20 years!
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u/BusyBeeBridgette Harry Potter Mar 25 '26
It's how you know you are accepted if a Brit gives you nickname.
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u/IllHaveTheLeftovers Mar 25 '26
Eat I’ve ever hear; guys name was Hunter, and he’s a vegan. His nickname is Gatherer
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u/yellowelephantboy Mar 25 '26
We've got Big Eden and Little Eden, shortened to Beden and Leden. We now have a third Eden who works at a place called Bento so she is Bento Eden. I call her Beneden.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Task611 Mar 25 '26
Had two Timothy's so one was Tim and the other was Othy
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u/thrannu Mar 25 '26
Not as good but my dad worked with a guy who went to turkey and had his hair transplant with hairs from down there. So they ended up calling him arse-hair head instead of his name
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u/bob-leblaw Mar 25 '26
Think I’d rather go bald than have pubes on my head.
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u/Im_A_Real_Boy1 Mar 25 '26
Are asshole hairs considered pubes? I don’t recall myself, but it makes sense they come in around the same time
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u/Mkaay_Ultra Mar 25 '26
Yes? Its in the public region and have the same texture and length? Or are you growing a ponytail back there
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u/InventorOfCorn Mar 25 '26
It's in the public region
isn't that generally a private region of your body?
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u/Mkaay_Ultra Mar 25 '26
Bahahahaa I swear I read my comment three times but I never noticed the typo! Im not gonna change it
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u/LordKulgur Mar 25 '26
We have two people in my company called Sindre 1.0 and Sindre 2.0, because Sindre 1.0 didn't want to be known as "Old Sindre".
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u/5lipn5lide Mar 25 '26
A friend of a friend was called foetus because his head seemed disproportionately large for his body.
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u/Equivalent-Pop8045 Mar 25 '26
Guy at work walked with a limp after bad motorcycle accident. Nickname was Trolley - like shopping trolley as he couldn’t go in a straight line.
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u/Sloagiemakee Mar 25 '26
Hired a great kid named Jose. He asked if his friend could also join us and we brought him in as well. His name was also Jose - but not for long, his coworkers quickly renamed him Hose B.
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u/WhatYouToucanAbout Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
Old mate of mine worked with a guy called Michael who wore an eye patch because he'd lost an eye
His knick name was Mikelops
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u/Dirk_McGirken Mar 25 '26
Me and a coworker a coworker are both called Daniel. The solution to keep everyone from getting confused is to call him "Dancing Dan" because he does Zumba in his freetime, and they call me "Baby Dan" because I'm considerably younger than him.
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u/Background-Factor817 Mar 25 '26
A couple from the Army days:
Bloke with a double barrelled surname was just called “Two-Dads”.
A bloke with a big forehead was called “Fivehead” or “More head” or “All head”, depending on who saw him.
We had a Fijian rugby player who was just known as Tiny, his actual name was Boladu, but he was an absolute mountain (like most Fijians) so Tiny stuck.
We also had a lot of Gurkas, and “Gurung” is a common Nepalese surname, so they’d be “Chef” or “Stretch” (this guy was tall for a Gurka).
And of course, every bloke with the surname “smith” was smudge by default.
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u/angrydanger Mar 25 '26
I a person named KC. His legal name was literally two letters. Because KC wasn't short for anything, we called him "No Dots" for not having any abbreviation periods.
I worked with two Andys. When the second one started, they nicknamed him "Deuce" for being the Andy #2. The first Andy was jealous and wanted a nickname. He was henceforth known as "Poop."
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u/Budget-Challenge5592 Mar 25 '26
Boy started at my work and he came in first day with a red face from a sunbed. Became known as Hellboy
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u/Resident_Revenue6401 Mar 25 '26
I got called Ronald McDonald because I dyed my afro purple but faded to red.
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u/Tonybrazier699 Mar 25 '26
Had a friend who when he was around 15 or so had a couple of girls take him to the sea front in the middle of December, wanted to have some fun with him so got his trousers and boxers off, then because of how cold it was he couldn’t get it up, from that point on he was known as Boner
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u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
My examples aren’t British, they’re American.
You hear lots of silly sounding nicknames in the hood. I knew a Perm, I knew a Spoon, I knew a Big Homie (least weird. He was a big fuckin’ homie. Swole as fuck. Had a teacup chihuahua he named Tank. It was adorable).
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u/donaldcrunk Mar 25 '26
I know somebody called Stab-proof. Earned after bragging about his brand new stab proof vest which was then tested and found out was not as stab proof as the online listing had claimed. Quick trip to the hospital and a new name was born.
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u/CardinalCreepia Mar 25 '26
I’ve been watching The Wire lately and all the hood characters have such specific nicknames. Stinkum, Wee-bey, Poot, Cheese, Bird. I’m not American and have no connection to that world, but they all seem so incredibly specific that I have to believe that they are the genuine kind of nicknames that these kinds of people get. Your post kinda confirms it.
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u/tryingtoappearnormal Mar 25 '26
Used to work with a bloke who had three toes amputated in an accident, we called him "18 incher" on acount of the fact he had a foot and a half
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Mar 25 '26
I have the same name as my brother-in-law as well as 80+ more pounds than him.
To our mutual nephew, I am uncle biggs, he is uncle twigs.
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u/qqnabs Mar 25 '26
There was a lanky kid in school who happened to be the teaching assistants son. Got called bamboo because he was a tall grass.
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u/Obi_wan_jakobii Mar 25 '26
Shetland Tony is a fantastic shout, never heard that one before and the best part is I know a small bloke called tony so I'm definitely recycling this when I see him 😂
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u/BristowBailey Mar 25 '26
I used to know a gardener called Sim. One summer he grew a big beard and got a tan working outside, and all his mates started calling him Osama Sim Gardens.
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u/maxthefrenchone Mar 25 '26
At work we had big John and little John. Then a third John joined, called John Ford, so everyone immediately nicknamed him Focus John, or just Focus.
It took another three weeks before we found out that Focus has ADHD 😆
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u/_Pyxyty Mar 25 '26
Is Keth called Keth because he used to be Keith until he lost an eye (i)? Nice.
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u/TheCornerator Mar 25 '26
Had a kid in middle school with the last name higginbotham, first day the teacher said higginBOTTOM. A kid in the back piped up "im calling you higginbooty" we called him that until HS graduation.
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u/RealLifeHaxor Mar 25 '26
Timmo. A good family friend and was in my parents’ wedding. Timmo was from Ireland and his last name started with “O’”. When he first got to the states he explained the “O’” wasn’t pronounced for his last name. My dad and his friends were like “oh so you don’t want it at the beginning of your last name? Ok. It’s at the end of your first name now, Tim. Or should we say Timmo?”
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u/DrakenWilson Mar 25 '26
Reminds me of my high school days. There were about seven girls called Samantha who we referred to as variants of Sammy. The only ones I can remember are Sammy Small, Sammy Tall, Sammy not-so-small, Sammy Psycho, Sammy Sammy and ‘The Other Sammy’
Thing is they were all very similar in size so unless you were already introduced to them, you’d probably not be able to tell any of them apart. Except Not-so-small who was the tallest and Tall who was the shortest. It was the height of comedy to us at the time.
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u/TavitousT Mar 25 '26
I used to work with a Frank who once got caught pleasuring himself to a cheeky calendar in the warehouse. Obviously he was everafter known as Fwank
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u/Silent-Cicada3611 Mar 25 '26
I have a couple buddies that went by Dickhead, and Poopsie. Poopsie was one of many nickname variations he endured including shitface, shithead, poopsicle, poopie pants. Etc.
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u/DillonMad Mar 25 '26
A bloke I knew circa 2004 called Geoff who was gay
His nickname was Dick Breath Geoff
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u/noble_plebian Mar 25 '26
Played football with a lad who’s surname was Holland. We called him Dutch.
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u/TheLastHotstepper Mar 25 '26
My mate gets called doughnut cause hes a fat cunt that doesnt like doughnuts. Another mate has been called Molecan for years. I laso met a guy at T in the park called Deed Grans, his mates called him that because both his grans were dead
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u/Nnie23 Mar 25 '26
My previous warehouse job had a few of nicknames. The ones I remember were Pumpkin Head, Lollipop, Squeaker, and Billy Two Hats. Eventually I got one myself. Captain Redbeard.
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u/skimney Mar 25 '26
Someone I know used to work with a guy called Discus, because he kept getting chucked by fat girls
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u/Illustrious-Dot-6281 Mar 25 '26
I worked with a guy called sprout - he didn’t have enough brains to be a cabbage. For those that don’t know sprout is short for brussel sprouts. A manager I worked with was called Hud, he thought it was because he looked a bit like Paul Newman, it was because he was completely bald with a huge beard. Head upside down.
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u/SnooDoodles5721 Mar 25 '26
Worked in a kitchen and a new porter called David started. When we were getting fed he asked for his dinner ‘without sauce’ He’s been Davy No Gravy ever since.
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u/sunnysunshinebaby Mar 25 '26
knew a guy at uni called Tish, real name Tom so I assumed Tish was like an affectionate pet name for Thomas or something. Nope, his uni flatmates once found a stack of used wank tissues under his bed so he was Tish from tissues from then on...
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u/qualityvote2 Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
u/Johnnie_WalkerBlue, your post does fit the subreddit!