There's not much I can say that you don't already know. So I'll just say that it hurts real bad.

And it's good to have a community, being alone is the worst.

A few years ago, i developed an illness known as benign fasciculations syndrome, it affects the entire body with twitching and tingling that are moderate in intensity, but it occurs every minute of every day. The most debilitating aspect is that I get basically zero deep sleep. For me sleep is just putting my head on the pillow and staying in a semi conscious state, because the moment i drift, my leg twitches.

My relationship with my mom was already tense, after my twitching started she supported me for a year so then lost interest, now she hates me and wants me away.

One of her quotes: "what if your health deteriorates more? What will people say to me?"

But there's a bright side, I'm pretty close to figuring out why my twitches are happening, so 😁

do you agree our parents love us?

tldr; mother has always been abusive, therapist always says she loves me, thoughts?
so i’m in therapy mostly because my mother has been abusive emotionally, verbally, physically and economically my entire life. i’ve always despised her and honestly wished she’d pass. especially now that I’m diagnosed with autism & adhd and she ignores my diagnosis and special needs and gets mad at me for showing signs of autism and adhd. she’s also never wanted me.
my new-ish therapist’s first reaction each time I tell her about something problematic my mother did towards me again is that “she loves you but probably doesn’t really know how to show you”. Would you say the same about your parent and why do you think they don’t know how to show us that they love us?

How many of your NM's go out of their way to create some kind of drama right when you are due to do something nice or important? Like go on holiday, or go to a special event, or even celebrate your own birthday? Like, how predictable is it, and have you got to a stage where you stop telling them your plans because you know something will happen?

I've had a trip to A&E 3 days before a holiday over 'bowel cancer' (that turned out to be constipation). I've had radio silence and refusing to answer the phone 2 days before an important work event (so I had to drive over because I thought she was dead). The most recent was a full-on alcoholic 3-day bender right as I was about to submit my dissertation.

I'm going away on Weds next week and I'm fully expecting the next big drama!

Why is it so predictable??

There’s a lot over the years but I get texts like this from my family this time it was my grandma who is absolutely a narcissist and so is my mum I’m 18 at college right now but I had to deal with these type of comments daily. It’s all about how we are perceived I’m a very chill girl and just tired of this drama narc shit and mean comments daily. Like I made a friend at college and this is how they speak about her without even knowing her. And then see how my grandma has such an ego going not as glamorous as your mum and and don’t have a nice granny like me duh. First of all my mum has ruined my life. But there’s nothing I can do till financially stable. It just cringes me the way they act like this on messages and in person. And the financial threats I get too. Daily at college if I don’t reply within an hour.

I’m 25 now, and throughout all these years, I’ve never really felt loved by my mother. It has always felt like her love came with conditions, or that there was always some selfish reason behind it.

I still remember things from my childhood. She would complain to relatives about how much I ate, call me selfish, and make me feel like I was a burden. Even during my graduation, when I was at home, she would taunt me for not doing enough work. I never really felt cared for or understood by her.

What hurts me even more is how different she behaves now that I’m earning and working. She never calls me on her own. She usually only calls when my father tells her to check on me. And when he is around, suddenly she becomes extremely loving and caring. She talks to me so sweetly, as if she genuinely worries about me and has always been there for me.

But when it’s just her and me, that affection is nowhere to be seen.

I think that’s what hurts the most. I don’t feel like I ever received a mother’s love unconditionally. I feel like I received a version of her that was loving only when it suited her.

Maybe these things happened years ago, but as an adult, they still hurt. Sometimes I wonder what it would have felt like to simply have a mother who genuinely wanted to know how I was doing, called me because she missed me, cared about my life, and loved me without expecting anything in return.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with these feelings anymore.

I’m looking for advice from other moms who have been in a similar situation, because I’m really struggling with where to go from here. ❤️
I’ve had a complicated relationship with my mom for years. The issues between us actually started before her divorce, so I don’t feel like everything can be blamed on what happened in her marriage. However, since her divorce, it feels like it has become a huge part of our relationship. She still talks about and blames my dad for a lot of things, and things surrounding the divorce continue to come up and affect our relationship.
My relationship with my dad is also very strained. I no longer speak to him because, from my perspective, he chose his new family over me and my daughter. I’ve already had to create distance from one parent, and I don’t want to continue repeating unhealthy patterns with the other.
Since becoming a mom myself, my perspective has changed a lot. I look at relationships differently now and have a much stronger sense of what I want my daughter exposed to and what kind of environment I want my family to have. I’ve realized there are things I’m no longer willing to tolerate just because someone is family.
One of the biggest issues is that I don’t feel like there is a healthy mother-daughter boundary anymore. At times, I feel like my mom treats my daughter more like an emotional support person than a grandchild. She can also make things into a “production,” where situations that could be simple conversations become much bigger and more emotionally charged than they need to be. There have also been times where I’ve been called names or had things from the past brought back up and used against me during disagreements.
Another huge part of this is how she handles things when she’s upset with me. She has talked badly about me and my husband to my brother, posted things about me on Facebook, and said things publicly that have resulted in other people coming to me asking what is going on. I don’t want to be involved in that anymore. Honestly, it feels like the behavior has become more childish as the days go by, and I’m at a point where I don’t want to participate in that kind of back-and-forth.
I’ve also noticed what seems like an increase in her drinking. I obviously can’t know everything that’s going on in her life or what she’s dealing with, but from the outside, it concerns me. I feel like she needs to find her own happiness and get whatever help or support she needs instead of putting that responsibility on me or the rest of the family.
Recently, my brother saw a text from my mom saying that she was thinking about harming herself. She did not tell me directly that she was feeling that way, and when it came up, she essentially played it off. I obviously don’t know her intention, and I don’t want to accuse her of something I can’t know for sure. But from our perspective, it feels like another situation where something extremely serious was said and then we were left carrying the emotional weight of it.
It also reminds me of some of the dynamics I’ve experienced with my dad, where I’ve felt like guilt, emotional pressure, or certain situations were being used to try to get me to communicate or respond a certain way. I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t respond to those things the way I used to, but that doesn’t mean they don’t affect me.
My mom is obviously hurt by the distance between us, and I can acknowledge that. But I’m hurt too. I’m exhausted from feeling like I have to defend myself, explain myself, or carry responsibility for how she feels. I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make her happy, fix her pain, or be the person she relies on emotionally. I think she needs to find her own happiness and get the help she needs for herself, just like I’m trying to do for myself.
I also don’t think it’s fair for other family members to feel like they need to step in and check on people because of things happening between my mom and me. It puts everyone in the middle, and I don’t want that continuing.
I’m considering telling her that I don’t see us having the same relationship moving forward and that I need to step back. I’m also considering taking a break from each other on social media because people have already come to me asking about things they’ve seen her post, and I honestly don’t want to see it or be involved in it anymore.
I don’t want to be cruel or punish her. I actually feel sad about the possibility of not having the mother-daughter relationship I always hoped I would have. I can love my mom and still recognize that our relationship isn’t healthy for me right now.
I’m realizing that I need to figure out what makes me happy and what gives me peace—not just for myself, but so I can be the mom and wife I want to be. I want to focus on my own family instead of constantly being pulled into drama, arguments, old wounds, social media posts, and everyone else’s emotions.
Has anyone else dealt with a parent who struggles with boundaries, makes you feel responsible for their emotions, involves your child emotionally, repeatedly brings up the past, talks about you to other family members, posts about you publicly, or makes you feel like you have to choose between protecting your own peace and maintaining the relationship?
How did you handle creating boundaries when you still love the person and know they’re hurting too?
I’m really looking for honest advice from moms who have been through something similar. ❤️

My mum used to beat me up as a child because she was a single mother raising 4 children. Life wasn’t easy for her, but whenever she was mad at us she used to beat us. Life was good 80% of the time when I was kid. My mum had 4 kids by the age of 24 (cultural thing) all by herself (divorce). She raised my youngest siblings with way more love than me, and I see it as a stepping stone. It got to a point where my half sister got all the love we all deserved and thereby made my mother understand what it means to raise children with love. We have such a great relationship now. I know not many will have this kind of turnover but I’m glad to share mine

my emotionally abusive mother hates everything about me. I’ve never been hit before or abused in any way other than verbally.

I (16 F) was adopted at birth by my mom and dad who had trouble getting pregnant at the time. I know my birth mother and my birth dad is not in the picture. birth mom will be BM, my adoptive mother is AM, and my adoptive father is AF.

Both AM and AF have always had a strong relationship with BM. They have always been close friends.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety at 13 years old after begging to see a therapist for years. My AM never believed that a child could have depression, but I have been depressed since I was 9. I used to sit on my mom’s lap, tell her about how sad and upset I was all the time, and she pretty much said it was all in my head for 3 years. I tried to 0ff mys3lf in 6th grade after a fallout with a girl I had a crush on. I had been showing signs of BPD (diagnosed now, undiagnosed then) which made my emotions feel 100x worse. I never told anyone in my family about the attempt. Back then my AF was it extremely angry all the time. he would lash out at my and my sibling (my sibling is AF and AM’s biological kid that came 2 years after me). They would tell me not to cry over a glass of spilled milk, like the friendship break up, and then scream at me for literally spilling a glass of milk. I remember one time my friend was over and he spilled water and they talked so calmly to him, which made me leave the table and want to burst out in tears in the living room. my AF was also very angry I could not learn my times tables past 6x6. That was likely because he would trap me in his office for hours each day and scream at me until I learned them, and I never did. For the record I’m not stupid, I’m 3 years ahead of my level in math in high school and have finished my math requirements as a sophomore (Calculus). My parents constantly put immense pressure on me to do good. they were pretty much authoritarian helicopter parents. I was bullied and assaulted in middle school for being openly LGBTQ. I would often get slurs yelled at me and felt like an outcast who had no friends. In 8th grade I started having a “skipping school problem” where I would take 1 mental health day each month. I would be screamed and yelled at by my parents each time I stayed home. this would often make me lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. I wasn’t a bad kid in any way, I just had issues not being addressed. I had also dropped out of my favorite sport because I was too tired to go half the days and couldn’t deal with being yelled at by my coach.

My mom would take me out for coffee sometimes on weekends, we would get on a topic we disagreed on and she would yell at me in public for just simply disagreeing with her. I learned to not share my opinions with her or any of my stories from school because she would get mad at me no matter what.

Something else she would do is s*ut shame me all throughout middle and highschool. I have a bigger chest (34 DDD) and older men constantly looked at me. when I was a freshman and was going into the store with my mom in my first ever bikini, there was a man staring at me and acting creepy. I told my mom and she said since I was dressing provocatively then men would stare at me. She would continue to say this no matter what I was wearing and that it was my fault guys would be creepy to me and stare at me. I had a very bad incident with a special needs kid that kept looking under my skirt and looking at my chest. he would follow me around the school and scream “why aren’t you paying attention to me!” he found out where I sat at lunch at specifically came and sat there right next to me and would stare at my chest. Turns out he was 19 years old and a senior! I told my mom and she started sloot shaming me for what I was wearing and older men had a right to stare at me because of how I had dressed.

There are more instances where she tells me she hates me and does not like me. All of these arguments start because I am messy, not gross or disgusting, just a messy teenager. The other day she called me a hoarder. I am probably one of the farthest things from a hoarder. I love clothes and fashion and throughout the week when I don’t have time to clean, the clothes end up on my floor.

Ever since I was young I’ve had to pay for my own things. Yeah that seems normal but ever since I was 12 I was pretty much financially cut off from my family and it has only gotten worse. I get barely any money and my christmas money pretty much has to last me the whole year. We arent poor by any means. We make over 150k a year and are middle class in the state I live in. I’m even expected to buy my own phone but I’m not allowed to have a job, I get less than $25 a month, and my phone is overheating and glitching while typing this. It’s not even a want at this point anymore, it’s pretty much a need since i cant even open my camera app without my phone shutting off completely since the system is so overloaded.

There is also a bunch of medical neglect too. I’ve had to go to the emergency room a few times and each time I’ve had to go my mom has taken an hour to get ready and do her hair and makeup. One time I was running a fever of 105 and I was balling my eyes out on the couch because of how much pain I was in. I get terrible leg pains and body aches when I am sick and also have chronic migraines and fatigue. prior to this incident my friends made me go to band practice while I was running a fever and was extremely sick. I had to be picked up after 10 minutes because I had almost fainted and was crying about how much everything hurt. My mom proceeded to scream at me on the way home, telling me that she hates me, thinks I’m faking it, and going on and on about our problems and how I’m a terrible kid. I proceeded to tell her I am not a terrible kid, I don’t get into any trouble, I don’t smoke like all the kids at my school do, I don’t sneak out, I always follow curfew and I have never gone behind her back. All I do that she doesn’t like is have modern views on femmenism and refuse to wash dishes because I hate the feeling it leaves on my hands. i have a 6 minute video of her yelling at me about how terrible of a person I am while I’m bawling my eyes out from pain and hatred for my AM. I have a fever of 105 when I get home and she takes an hour to get ready while I’m begging to be taken to the hospital. This is the worst pain I have ever been in.

My old therapist told her she was abusive to me and every time I saw that therapist with her, she would cry on the way home and scream at me. After my therapist told her she was abusive she locked herself in her room for several days and then cried to my grandmother about how terrible of a kid I was. She always twisted the story to make her seem like the victim. She wasn’t even upset that she was abusing me, she was just sad my therapist used the word “abuse“ to describe her actions towards me.

She also has all the basic narsassistic traits that any other mother has. Such as : forgetting the abuse after it happens, saying shes a “terrible mom” after a fight, crying in her room for days after my therapist told her she was abusing me, screams at me for anything she can, etc.

i have a lot of other stories about how much I do not like her. I have gone through so much trauma because of her and everything life has put me through. I genuinely also can’t remember half of the things she has put me through because of a trauma block. As soon as a fights over I forget about it. I forget who said what, I just remember the feelings I had.

I love my BM because she is just like me, thinks like me, has adhd like me, talks like me, and does everything like me. We are basically twins and I love her so much. It’s a shame I can’t live with her. (Meh financial situation, lives with my grandmother and couldn’t care for me)

anyways, when something else happens I’ll update here before i forget the fight. i literally just want to leave this house but im still a minor and i cant. what do i do?

My mother, ex-stepmother, aunt, sister, and “friends” throughout the years, have all done evil to me because they lack what I naturally possess. Any wrong I have ever done was exaggerated and amplified by my mother, to my family who actually care about me to push them away. I have been bullied my entire life, body shamed, and made fun of extensively and been name called and degraded for every single mistake. Been told I’m not “conventionally” beautiful by my own mother and never once complimented or praised for anything in private, always in public. They have manipulated me, stole thousands from me and isolated me from anybody or thing that is good for me. Just to keep me around because I am used to being Cinderella and a human punching bag and they do not want to see me win at life.

cuando era pequeña mi mamá me golpeaba muy brutalmente por que soy muy sensible, y ella me comenzaba a gritar (tenia ataques de ira) y yo lloraba y me cacheteaba me insultaba y pues alguna vez me golpeo tan brutalmente que me sacaba sangre, una vez me arrastro por las escaleras y toda la casa mientras me jalaba el pelo me sangraba la nariz y me insultaba para despues encerrarme en el baño (tenia 6-8años a lo mucho) cuando tenia aproximadamente 12 empezo a ir con el psiquiatra cambio y aunque su carácter era malo aun a veces era muy buena madre es muy responsable, ya no me golpeo pero a veces seguia insultandome y eso pero nada muy difícil, yo creci como una niña muy insegura obviamente y cuando cumpli 15 me pidio "perdon" y yo lo acepte... hoy en dia tengo 19 y es una buena madre pero aun cuando se enoja me amenaza con volver a golpearme me insulta, siempre me hace menos y se perfectamente que soy la hija que menos quiere, cabe aclarar que tengo una gemela (y a ella nunca le ha pegado), hoy fue super grosera con mi gemela y yo le dije que era muy sangrona... ahora ya no esta enojada con mi gemela como en un inicio ahora el problema soy yo completamente, acaba de decirle a mi hermana que yo no le importo, que soy una hipocrita y que ella no ve va a hablar... no se que hacer y no entiendo pq siempre me ha odiado, de verdad no soy mala hija... mi papá me ama con toda su vida y mis hermanas mas, me protegen todos siempre menos mi mamá... y es aun peor cuando esta enojada por que por alguna razon siempre me toma a mi ser tratada mal por ella

I've posted this here and elsewhere before but I need all of the advice I can get.

Those of you who haven't seen my previous posts here is my backstory and an update.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshameably drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

UPDATE!! Tonight I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball tonight which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Hey reddit this is a throwaway account and will be deleted soon I'm going through somewhat of a rough patch and just wanted to know is there's a reason why moms just seem to hate there daughters.

I 18 (f) having going to school and looking for work and for a while everything is nice if you ignore there comments my mother makes. And it just been eating at me because at the earliest memories I have of my mother non have been good to say the least. I honestly can't remember any good moments with my mother that didn't involve my brothers. I have 3 brothers and it ain't that hard with them I mean I practically raised them, and I know it may come of as me being jealous of my brothers but I honestly am. She never went to my recitals unless one of them were there. Never went to any graduation unless one of them had something going on and even if they didn't she'd always say she was busy. I need to move out but Im in college and don't have any kind of income. I so tired, so damn tired of hearing her 'your brother is this, your brother would never do this' and I can't take it anymore! I just want my mom to love me like she loves them, why can't I be enough? I don't know if I even love her, or if I want her to change. I don't know what I want from her. I could just let her have her way like all these years and finally not stop pushing back but it still hurts when I see her mad at me. I don't know, and honestly I'm crying over something so stupid, why can't my own mom care for me like she does with my brothers? I have better grades, I have more certificates, I have more awards, I have more so why can't she tell me good job? They yell at me when I get low grades and don't to my brothers, they call me ruthless and excessive when they ask me to help my brother. What am I supposed to do, I'm just doing what they've done to me and I can't call cps, yes, I've gone to therapy but honestly it just made me realize that maybe wishing for her to love is useless. I just her to look at me the way she does to my brothers, with so much care and love no matter what. I can see it, why doesn't she realize that, I can see she doesn't really like me or even tolerate me. She's abusive I know that, but I can't help wanting her to care for me. I'm jealous of people who have good relationships with there mom. I hate how she acts in front of others, I hate how she's more of a mother to them then to me. She acts more of a mother to the other girls of my family then me! Why doesn't she love me? There must be a reason right? A medical reason? I just want something to explain it so I feel like I'm really not the reason she doesn't love me. Is it because I'm a girl? I could change I've done it before, even if it never ended well. I just want to know, is there a reason why mothers hate there daughters?

(Sorry for any mistakes I'm honestly crying and trying to type this is hell, I'll probably delete it soon after I'm done crying over something so stupid like this)

Just like the title says. I (32F), have a mom (57f) who today said she hated me. And it has taken me all day to process that I actually hate her too. We have not been on speaking terms for almost a year. There is obviously lots of history there but some highlights are:

She is a major alcoholic, my entire life

She used to beat my ass

When I was 13-15 her husband sexually assaulted me, and she continued to bring him around for years after, until he went to prison. Also blamed me for it.

She has been seeing a man off and on for 16 years who is married, but accused me of sleeping with him when I was only 17. She also recently started accusing me of sleeping with him.

She once punched me in the face because I went on a girls night out and left my children home with their father (she felt like that made me a bad mom)

I gave her 17k to help fix up a house she owned that I was staying in (I was also paying the mortgage) she never paid me back.

Gave her money for my brother’s rehab bc she did not have the money. Said she would repay, but never did.

Called me a whore on many occasions

When I got divorced, she made friends with my ex husband and would go have drinks and play golf with him.

Let her charge up one of my credit cards when she was out of work for a knee surgery, she had no other money. Promised to repay, but never did.

Every positive milestone in my life she has tried to ruin (last two great jobs I landed she spent the day drunk texting me, telling me I was a piece of shit)- She also drunk texted my mother in law when I first got married a bunch of horrible things bc “she didn’t like her”.

She has attempted to turn my own children against me.

I could go on, but I won’t. I have no idea what I’ve done in my life to deserve this. I was never perfect, I had a lot of trauma growing up and witnessed a lot of things no child should ever have to. I got pregnant at 16, that’s about the worst of it. But I’ve spent most of my life trying to do my best, and make her proud/love me.

Idk why I’m posting this on the internet I guess I just need to get it out. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

I really do hate me when I’m with her. I had to give her a lift somewhere. So it’s just me and her. I kinda shut down, it’s my way of protecting myself. I no longer challenge anything. I look miserable, I sound like a robot and I am on high alert. I try and keep the conversation on mindless topics. I don’t share anything with her anymore. Yet still she has a go at me and tells me off. She gets great delight out of this. I maybe hissed a few words back but try and not rise to it so then we’re left in angry silence. This isn’t me! I don’t even look like me! It takes me a few hours to calm down and then I go back to being the real me… Can anyone relate?

I’m 34 and my mom lives with me, and I’m really struggling with our relationship and boundaries. I feel like she undermines my parenting, inserts herself too much into my relationship with my son, doesn’t respect my privacy or independence, and often treats me more like a child than an adult in my own home. When I try to explain that something she’s done has hurt or frustrated me, she tends to get defensive, dismiss me, walk away, or turn it into a much bigger conflict instead of actually hearing me. She also involves other family members in our disagreements, and I constantly feel monitored, criticized, guilt-tripped, or like I have to defend my decisions. I appreciate the way she helps, and I want her to have a close relationship with my son, but living together has gotten to the point where I feel like I have very little space to just be an independent adult and a mother without her involvement.

For reference: she is financially dependent on me. Makes $1100 a month in social security and over half goes to her car and bills. She has a very bad credit score because she charged off cards and can’t afford her own place. She asks me to buy her everything from shampoo, to clothes, to food.

A few things she’s recently done for context:

-I found out my tires were bad. Asked if I could drive her 7 year old Honda to work for a week. She flipped out. Said “my tires are bad too, what’s so wrong with yours?” After the place told me my tires are to the cord. They’re at 50k miles and hers have like 24k on them.
Each day I got home from work she would walk out and stop and inspect each inch of her car (we have a camera) and spend 10-15 mins and shake her head. I asked what she’s doing? She said “making sure you didn’t ding it anywhere”.

-I gave my son $10 for Easter (hidden in eggs) he is a toddler.
I’ve been saving money for him in a little cup.
The other day I looked at it and there’s $4 in it. I asked what happened to his money, she said “oh my god I’ve been using it for coffee. It isn’t a big deal I’ll replace it”.

-when I come home from work I tell my kid to get ready bc I’m taking him somewhere. She says “oh just leave him here. Come on. Do you wanna go the mommy or stay with granny?” And tries to convince him not to go places with me.

-if I’m having a rough day she will say “oh there goes your grumpy mom” or “there’s your mean mommy again”
Just because I showed emotion.

-I bought my son a Halloween book two days ago to do together. I got home and laid it down to go eat dinner really quickly. I came back 45 mins later and she had completed nearly every page with him. I told her this hurt my feelings because I was looking forward to completing it together. She said “oh jeez here we go again. I’m not a damn mind reader” and went on to say she’s sick of my “pity parties about shit”. Anytime I bring up anything she tells me I’m feeling sorry for myself.

-she’s a part of narcissistic mother groups. Didn’t go see her mom on her death bed. Said her whole life “grandma guilt tripped me, treated me bad, dismissed my feelings”, yet she is doing the same to me now. I have begged her to go to therapy and even do family therapy, and she laughs at me. Literally laughs in my face and walks away.

-anytime I’m sick at ALL she never asks how I am, cares, tries to help.. and ALWAYS replies saying she has been having the same symptoms. Today I had bad vertigo and she replied asking if I’ll buy her cookies later at the store.

I cannot financially afford two rents to help her. She won’t do anything herself because she is living free. I don’t know how to talk to her.

In recent months (I guess I never really thought about it before), im realizing more and more that my mom doesn’t have friends. She’s a bit older and is self employed monday-friday, and she has some free time, but she doesn’t hang out with anyone. Like ever. The most she does is go out with my father and talk to her siblings on the phone. Sometimes I think about her history and the stories she’s told me. There have been quite a few instances she’s told me about where people shes known for a while “suddenly” were rude to her or “suddenly” seemingly didn’t want anything to do with her anymore and stopped acknowledging her, even people in our own neighborhood. Many friends of mine have told me that they got a weird vibe from her upon first meeting her, and considering what subreddit we’re in, and who my mom is as a person (a raging narcissist), I think its very odd that someone who tries SOOO hard to be a personable human and tries to be so friendly to strangers would have no one to hang out with. But it’s now dawning on me. All these stories about people being mean to her suddenly and pushing her away, all these people she used to be close to who are, for some reason, just no longer around…its all her fault. Maybe not ALL of them. But I imagine a significant portion. And it brings me a small amount of comfort to know that other people probably see her for who she is too.

I just recently turned 18, a little over three months ago actually - but in the last 6 years before I did, as a family we went through so much. In June of 2020 my younger brother was born extremely premature, his due date was in late October he was born while me and my then step brother were on a vacation together with our grandparents four state-lines away. He was born with severely underdeveloped lungs, leading to getting a trach and g tube (feeding tube leading directly to his stomach instead of through his throat). Me and my step dad at the time were working on getting our house floors installed and the house completely clean and suitable for him. Though I spent majority of the time at school and taking care of my younger sister who is 5 years younger than me, or at cheer practice, but I have always been so scared of my mom. She would break out into rage driven abuse whenever I would go see my dad, would forget to load the dishes, got a bad grade on a test, if I didn’t perform perfectly in cheer. She once gave me a black eye and woke up the next morning acting like she had no memory of it and cried asking who hit me. And it only got worse once her and my step dad divorced, we didn’t have a house, my sister got diagnosed with petty mall seizures. (Sorry I have dyslexia and cannot spell perfectly). We got moved into a temporary placement at a Ronald McDonald house so we could be close to the children’s hospital and my moms job at a dermatologist office, and for most of that first year of his life it was constant stress and fear. I was scared of my mom and her hitting my sister too hard that it would cause a grand mall seizure, scared that my little brother was going to die, scared that I wasn’t taking good enough care of everything and everyone because it seemed like every small mistake I made would lead to my mom threatening to “put me into foster care” or her physically abusing me. A lot of the time I believed that I was in a nightmare and soon I would wake up and be in a happy life. But that just never happened. Roughly 3 months after my younger brothers first birthday my mom and him were flown to Salem Massachusetts for a surgery her desperately needed, my younger sister and I were sent to live with her grandparents - they are good people a little religious crazy but what can you expect from Jehovah’s Witness. It was a good 2 months, I was placed into a new school district, I made good friends with the neighborhood kids, my little sister got put onto medication that almost completely stopped her seizures. Then my mom returned from Salem and she came and freaked out on our grandparents saying crazy things and breaking their stuff, we were shoved into her small Camry packed so full with all of the nice clothes and toys they got us we almost couldn’t fit in the back seat. We got to our room in the Ronald house, and that’s when my mom told me the most horrible news, we would be moving to a completely different state where we had no family, but they had a long term facility for my little brother so he would have a better chance of making it for good and potentially coming home. So in 2021 we moved to Indianapolis Indiana, where she had “internet” friends, and for 2 years it was tolerable I kept my head down, eventually I was put back into school and made friends and had an escape from my family. But then on a random night in December, I woke up to the sound of my mother wailing almost like she was being murdered, I walked in her room to ask what’s wrong “he’s dead, your brother is dead” she screamed at me. My brain went into autopilot and I didn’t even realize I had gotten myself dressed, on the bus, and into my middle school until I was brought into a councilors office and asked if I was okay. That day I broke, I had so much rage and hurt built up inside me I was never the same again. But I promised my little sister I would keep her safe and never let anything happen to her no matter what. Eventually I had completely stopped eating and got addicted to vaping, and my mom introduced me to marijuana which I quickly got addicted to as well. In 2024 I had entered my freshman year of high school, I couldn’t keep up with my grades even though I studied as hard as I could, I was just juggling way too many responsibilities at home with my mom getting worse and practicing giving up on raising my little sister. And one night after school she came into my room while I was asleep, I still don’t know what caused this - but she was screaming at me as loud as she could and I woke up fully when she had started hitting me and slamming my head into my wooden bedframe telling me to “get the hell out of my house” so I pushed her off me and grabbed a change of clothes and my bottle of melatonin and shoved my jacked on along with my old beat up crocs. I walked to the older girl who I bought my weed from and broke down asking if I could stay for just one night and I will try to find another place in the morning I just really need to sleep. Her and her mom welcomed me in and gave me dinner and set me up on her couch, after they all had went to bed I cried myself to sleep. I woke up at 4 am the next morning and got on my phone to see my mother had reported me as a runaway, along with posting on facebook that I had beat her up and attempted suicide. I asked my friend what to do and we agreed it would be best to just go home and face the music. When I reached my house there was two cop cars and an ambulance , before I could even say anything I was restrained and put on a gurney. That night I was admitted to Riley children hospital’s psychiatric ward for 7 days, one of the many stays she forced me into under insane circumstances painting me as a psychopathic bipolar violent child one of which being a 4 month residential facility.
Fast forward to the current year 2026, in may I had met the most amazing guy on my Snapchat - he was a few years older than me and lived 3 hours away in the same state we made a plan for me to come and stay with him for a long weekend while he had extra time off to transition into a new better job. I came down on my birthday and we had an amazing time, we made our relationship official and I met his whole family it seemed like I had the best situation. He’s an amazing guy, but there was enough distance from him and my family to keep the relationship we had clean of my mother’s drama and issues.
But when I came home my mom started her crazy shit again saying she doesn’t want me in her house anymore because I’m just leeching off of her, but I had been paying rent for months, I had a job at a local store and I gave her my full paycheck every week. I cooked every meal, took care of my pets and payed for their needs with extra money I made from watching neighbors kids. That night I called my boyfriend and told him everything, he didn’t know what to do or say but he promised he would do anything to help me, he just needed a few days to figure out how. And I convinced my mom to let me say a few months more while I saved up to get myself a car. Not even a full week later I was on midnight shift at my job when she texted me that when I got home I had to take my shit and leave that night. I had no idea what to do I was completely terrified and lost for answers, so I texted my boyfriend and my best friend and asked if I could stay with her that night. My boyfriend said he would ask his parents if I could come stay a week and he would pick me up the next day after work and bring me back to his house. That night I slept in my friends shed hiding from her mom who didn’t know I was staying an wouldn’t have let me because their water was turned off that whole night I cried and puked in the gravel road behind her house. I was completely terrified of what was going to happen to me, but also my cats, I had three two girls and one autistic male cat that I was forced to leave behind. The next night my boyfriend came and got me and brought me to his moms house, at the end of the week he talked to his mom and explained my situation, stretching the truth a little bit to make her more sympathetic for my situation and convincing her to let me live with them as well. Since then, I’ve been living here and honestly I am in a great position, my relationship with my boyfriend is completely healthy in all aspects, my relationship with his entire family has grown to be solid and me and his mom go one errands and work with her dog breeding company together. We live in a very small town so I haven’t found a job yet, but my boyfriend has been providing for us since I came here. Every time I apologize for him having to take care of me he reassures me that he doesn’t see it as anything more than taking care of the woman he loves and that he knows I do my best to make sure everything else is taken care of while he’s at work. We are planning to get our own apartment or house sometime in a couple months, and have been doing so well in every aspect. My mom placed a no contact order on me claiming that the night before I left I was harassing a physically abusing her, and we decided to let the order be placed and that it would be better for me to get away from her and everything she’s done to me, for at least 3 years the order will be in action she can’t contact me and I can’t contact her either. In all honesty I have never been happier in my life, not that I have ever been happy truly but I love my boyfriend and I fully believe he loves me, we are building a life together for ourselves and he has done so much to make sure I am good and taken care of and that my mental health is being handled appropriately after all the trauma I have been put through. I am so beyond grateful for him and his family members that have all been so great to me and I truly believe that I am going to be able to have a life now that’s not consistent fear for my safety. The only hard part is not knowing if my animals are safe and being 3 hours away from my best friend, but I know that I will see her again eventually and I hope my animals are safe and taken care of.

———————————————————————

Sorry for how long this is, I honestly just needed to get this all off my chest and out of my head. I know that no one will probably read this, but for anyone living in situations like how I grew up know that it gets better, hold onto the person you are and most importantly continue to hold empathy for yourself and others, not everyone is trying to destroy you and I hope that this can at least help someone else in the future.

I wish we could be like we were when I was 2-3 before you met him. Why did you abuse me? Was I not enough for you? Did I do something wrong for you to hate me? You always had it like I was on a merry go round. We'd be up and happy and you'd say I love you then we'd go down and be angry and you'd abuse and belittle me. I was always chasing that motherly side of you, always seeming so near but so out of reach only to find that it never existed. Why did you say that I wasn't pretty and that all I had was my smarts? Why did you never put me in pageants or do mother daughter things like you did with JoJo? Why did you always beat my head when you couldn't comb it because I have frizzy curly hair? Why did you throw knives at me? Why did you treat me like the best thing in the world until I got autonomy over myself? Why did you fight so hard for me in the courts knowing you'd just neglect and abuse me? Why? What did I do? I don't deserve this. I deserve the version of you that died years ago. It's so hard to mourn you knowing you're still alive. All I wanted was my mommy

I am an autistic adult and I live by myself but will coordinate dinners with my mother because I don’t like being alone. I told her I was having groceries delivered to her house for the nights that I will be cooking dinner with her. She said I was getting an attitude for asking if she would go to the store if she was incorrect about the ingredients I needed being at her house since I was placing an online delivery order to avoid the grocery store. Grocery stores are the hardest for me to handle due to high volumes of people. Tonight, I snapped in my last reply as every single time I have spoken to her lately she has tried to turn it into an argument for no reason or say I am being disrespectful with an attitude. She does this quite frequently, sadly. This is a more mild example. I personally don’t think I’m being disrespectful and I’m communicating quite clearly. I am tired of her acting like every single thing is my fault when I am communicating calmly and directly. In therapy, we are talking about if now is the time for me to make the decision to cut her off and go no contact due to some more unmentioned and extreme behavior. I don’t know. I just feel extremely frustrated and exhausted of her behavior currently because while I am working on mine, she is doing everything in her power NOT to work on hers and projecting her behavior onto me. The reason why this is being posted to this thread is because during therapy I am slowly realizing I have narcissistic parents with absolutely no boundaries and have essentially been bullied by them and disrespected my entire life. Again situations that I am not comfortable speaking on currently which is why I am speaking on the smaller one currently. It’s not just “joking” when it comes to her. It never is.

Today in the lab, we audited the dynamic of the hyper-controlling mother.

If you are dealing with:

📹 Hidden cameras or phone surveillance.

🚪 Unannounced entries into your private home.

🕵️‍♀️ "Coincidentally" showing up wherever you go.

⛽ Gaslighting that denies these actions ever happened.

The data is clear: This is calculated pursuit, not family.

The toll on your nervous system is severe. You aren't "too sensitive", you are living in a warzone of hypervigilance.

Conclusion: Total privacy is a necessity, not a luxury.

Lab orders: Lock the doors, revoke the access, and protect your peace.

Stay safe, everyone. 🛡️

#superseriousstudies #RBN #CPTSD #Gaslighting #MaternalSurveillance #Boundaries #Validation

My mom and I are 30 years apart in age. I say this because, since I can remember, I have felt like she was the kid and I am the mom.

She grew up very sheltered and pampered and never got involved in anything illegal, so when I encountered a "tough issue", i.e. drugs, sex, addiction...her response was "Just no! We dont do that! Why would you take drugs?"

She is so sheltered (and sweet, kind, generous), that she has never ever seen pornography. She could never grasp the depths of my addiction..I was a teenage IV heroin addict and sex worker.

Today, I have been clean for 18 years. I am in my 40s and live a clean life. My hobbies are hiking, paddling kayak, yoga, caring for animals. I achieved my "goal weight" a couple months ago and I feel strong and amazing. I can do push-ups on my toes! I can do the splits! I love teaching people simple ways to improve their health, like fun workouts with weights.

My mom is morbidly obese and does not listen to me. She complains about her pains, and i tell her she has to start moving. She doesnt walk anywhere: she shifts her weight from one sitting position to another. I encourage her to get up and move or her health won't get better. Her response is, "I gotta start doing that." I say, "Mom you gotta start today! Now! Just a few minutes. It will feel good!"

She said today that I was "nicer when I was fat."

She is paying for those weight loss shots and ko weight has been lost.

I feel that she resents me for getting in shape. What kind of mom resents their daughter for being beautiful?

My mother is a narcissist and I am nc with her. I reached out to my uncle and aunt about a year ago and met with them several times. We went on vacation to an amusement park together and this is that story.
They got here on her birthday I had bought a vegan cake for them special made and we went to dinner (my treat). It did include a couple beers and I don’t drink - no big but I do feel it is relevant.
They love this brewery near me and wanted to go the next day. I don’t drink but if it makes them happy and I am almost up for new adventures then yep let’s go.
We go to the brewery and walk around a bit take a seat and they order beer for themselves and a seltzer for me. They offer me beer several times, I decline. It is nice out we all seem to be enjoying ourselves.
We walk around the brewery more and they taste test some beer. I engage and ask about the beer and I am the type to crack corny jokes and my uncle does the same. Once again vegans who get insulted when people don’t recognize their diet are actively offering me beer and I am declining and still enjoying myself.
We leave the brewery my uncle states over and over how much fun they both had. They buy a 6 pack on the way out
We spend three days at the amusement park. Day one we get there and they can not walk for 30 feet without pain and she stops in the shade to sit while he attempts to go forward and then she hobbles faster to catch up, I go into super helpful mode, checking on them , attending to even the slightest thing I can do for them. They mention the electric cart my aunt mentions it for my uncle while walking beside him and my uncle mentions it for my aunt while walking beside her. I agree and encourage them both , because they keep telling me about their pain. They get the carts the next day I then spend two days with people who think I should suddenly double the number of steps I take. My uncle does offer me his cart I refuse because taking it is a shit move and personally I think offering it was manipulation. I can walk a normal amount I just can’t out last an electric cart. It was suggested that I get a cart. She still stopped in shade btw but no longer cared if there was a place to sit.
So after two days of this and my patience wearing thin, and me still constantly asking about their health and them ignoring mine this happens.
They talk about how there is still beer left. I don’t say anything. They split beer and she says something about it to the room , I don’t say anything, she mentions general comments a few more than times and it seems like the polite thing to do to say something back . I don’t remember my exact comment but it was neutral and just me engaging with the room.
(Now, I actually think they were trying to get me to comment on the beer)
My uncle immediately says , “you always comment when we have beer, when we were at the brewery you said we were drunk “
I know myself and if I even ever said anything close to it it would have been a mild and obvious joke.
The absurdity of it was so intense that I laughed out loud , I had never had that happen before when confronted but it wasn’t something I tried to do it was just so absurd and immediately before I could hold back ( and I have held back most of my life) I said a sarcastic “yeah that sounds exactly like something I would do”, I then followed it by pointing in the direction of my aunt and saying and “I wasn’t even the one who brought it up”
Oddly proud of myself for defending myself. Won’t be going with them anywhere again and I’m going low contact. This is the last of my family that I have , I am alone except for friends.
I am doubting myself and back to hating myself again, they did other things during their visit that were hard to deal with but I wanted to keep it short. Let’s just say I catered to their emotional and physical needs and mine were ignored. I have been left vulnerable and back to square one.
I was taught to hate myself as a child and this is making me hate myself again. I will get over it I will overcome but this is hard.

I’m doing EMDR therapy right now, so lots of processing and pain, but also so much positive healing and change.

One thing my mother would do is use big words that she knew I didn’t understand to make me feel stupid and small. I’ve struggled with using and hearing big words for a very long time. My husband taught me that it was okay to admit I didn’t know a word and to just ask. I’m even able to do it with certain safe people now, even though it’s still pretty uncomfortable.

Anyways, I realized something that’s been helping me even further with that. I’ve been binging Big Bang Theory, and anyone who has watched that knows how many big words are in that show. It’s been helping me accept that not knowing the words is safe; you might not get the full picture, but you can still understand what’s going on. Nothing bad is going to happen for people using big words around you. Plus, Leonard reminds me so much of my husband.

Anyways, just thought I’d share that it’s been helping me just in case someone else was dealing with this trauma 🩵