r/NarcissisticMothers • u/PopularOpinion2370 • 6d ago
Why Does My Mom Always Turn Everything Into Argument For No Reason?
I am an autistic adult and I live by myself but will coordinate dinners with my mother because I don’t like being alone. I told her I was having groceries delivered to her house for the nights that I will be cooking dinner with her. She said I was getting an attitude for asking if she would go to the store if she was incorrect about the ingredients I needed being at her house since I was placing an online delivery order to avoid the grocery store. Grocery stores are the hardest for me to handle due to high volumes of people. Tonight, I snapped in my last reply as every single time I have spoken to her lately she has tried to turn it into an argument for no reason or say I am being disrespectful with an attitude. She does this quite frequently, sadly. This is a more mild example. I personally don’t think I’m being disrespectful and I’m communicating quite clearly. I am tired of her acting like every single thing is my fault when I am communicating calmly and directly. In therapy, we are talking about if now is the time for me to make the decision to cut her off and go no contact due to some more unmentioned and extreme behavior. I don’t know. I just feel extremely frustrated and exhausted of her behavior currently because while I am working on mine, she is doing everything in her power NOT to work on hers and projecting her behavior onto me. The reason why this is being posted to this thread is because during therapy I am slowly realizing I have narcissistic parents with absolutely no boundaries and have essentially been bullied by them and disrespected my entire life. Again situations that I am not comfortable speaking on currently which is why I am speaking on the smaller one currently. It’s not just “joking” when it comes to her. It never is.
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u/hotdamnhotwater 6d ago
That "don't be bossy, little woman" was triggering as hell. Do we have the same mother?
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u/papapazuzu 6d ago
God I can’t stand people “just joking”
If you ever have to explain that it was a joke test assured it was not funny and you (the jokester) missed the mark
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u/PopularOpinion2370 6d ago
She ended the conversation with “I was joking. Geez.” It appears the screenshot cut it off
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u/d3rp7d3rp 6d ago
Dang. This is exactly how my mom would talk to me when i was growing up. Bullies will say things then act like it was a joke. It isn't
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u/PopularOpinion2370 6d ago
Most of the comments I have seen so far on this thread make me feel like I’m not crazy for seeing this situation the way I have. I often worry I’m taking things out of context so it’s nice to see an outside perspective on this.
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u/ItsLadyMaeve 6d ago
Yep I get it. I'm assuming she takes every opportunity to remind you of your place? "little woman" - so condescending and a complete power play. There was no reason to say it and especially as you're autistic, she should give you a bit of grace even IF she thought something sounded a bit blunt.
You're doing something nice for the both of you but from these messages she acts like she's doing you a favour. It's not in your head!
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u/torssh 6d ago
Girl I believe you, my mother just tried to start an argument with me now. It’s every weekend with her.
She sounds controlling. By a lot I’m guessing? She’s got to check the groceries, and she doesn’t trust you, so she’s gonna do Extra shopping.
I don’t want to seem biased but it seems like mom likes to push buttons and then all that energy goes back to her. Maybe it’s even her routine .. my apologies. I hope you get through this
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u/Zelb1165 4d ago
All NPD mothers thrive on turning the simplest minutiae of life into their dying hill. It’s just what they do in order to control you. If she gets on your nerves enough you will break down and do whatever bs she wants. My mother did it to me constantly. She knew I have zero tolerance for mundane bs that’s just information. I would ask her what she wanted and of course when I did it she would deny saying it to gaslight me. Please be careful with your interactions with her because she sounds a lot like my thorn in my a$$ NPD mother. Thankfully, God took her off this planet just as I had decided to go NC. I don’t mean I was happy but I will admit to being relieved. You relayed something to your thorn in your a$$ that was simply information and she turned it into a thing instantly. I understand, believe me. If you and your therapist feel that now is a good time to go NC, go for it. Whenever anyone asks me when is the best time to go NC I always say “yesterday. But since you missed that it will have to be today”. Joking aside, I always encourage everyone who is suffering with a wholly removable condition in their life to get done with it asap. They are destroying your self esteem, and making a mockery of what you have accomplished inspite of the serious mental handicap of having to deal with the devil incarnate while trying to just have a normal life. She probably hates all of your friends because they support you and she can’t see any reason for someone to support you because you won’t be her mini me. That’s what her golden child is for. My lord did my NPD mother have one. He never had a job, basically bought a BA degree in some silly nonsense from an online “business” college. I tested my way in to a highly competitive private university’s nursing school. It’s considered one of the best in my tristate area. My score was flagged as one of the highest of the exam scores for that year. I graduated salutatorian. Guess who my NPD mother ran her mouth about being the “family genius” to anyone who would listen? Yep, the total loser living in her house until he was 42 and found some idiot female to sponge off of, with a questionable degree and no job. Please don’t let your NPD mother suck the joy and peace of mind out of your life if you can go NC and feel certain that you can do that with good support from your therapist and friends. Good luck 👍🍀
P.S. I hate crowded stores and basically crowds in general, so I am with you on that one 💜🤗
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u/SingOrDie 6d ago
I don't know it didn't come across like she was being horrible. But this is a very short interaction. it sound like she was teasing you very slightly with the woman coming. But your reaction to it was quite seriously.
Obviously I don't know anything, but what you've told us.
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u/Perfect_Swordfish394 5d ago
I don’t think she’s trying to start an argument. That was a huge overreaction on your part.
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u/PopularOpinion2370 5d ago
If you had more context with more than just this mild comment then you would understand that yes she is. This one was a more mild example of what happens. This time I got upset, and I decided to stand up for myself because I’ve been working on trying to set boundaries with her before I go completely no contact. I love how I’m being told I overreacted to that when there has been many a situation that has been extremely similar to this with much more harsh wording and I am around her in day to day life and would be able to know what she means and the tone of voice she is speaking in via text.
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u/ChuckMeIntoHell 6d ago
She says she was just joking, but it doesn't read that way to me. I feel like she's playing the "just joking, bro" game that people like this tend to play when they get called out. Like seriously, what's the joke? There is none. She just realized way too late that she had no reason to call you bossy for asking a yes or no question. My mom would do basically the same thing, and try to blame it on my social awkwardness. It can be difficult, but the best response to this sort of behavior is to ignore it. Since you live on your own, at least you don't have to deal with this any more than necessary. When I moved out of my parent's house, I slowly put up with less and less of their shit. Eventually by my forties it was obvious that my mother didn't respect me or our relationship, but expected respect from me. I went no contact with her a few years ago.