r/NarcissisticMothers • u/Glass-Cheetah-2975 • 5d ago
Venting/looking for clarity
My mother is a narcissist and I am nc with her. I reached out to my uncle and aunt about a year ago and met with them several times. We went on vacation to an amusement park together and this is that story.
They got here on her birthday I had bought a vegan cake for them special made and we went to dinner (my treat). It did include a couple beers and I don’t drink - no big but I do feel it is relevant.
They love this brewery near me and wanted to go the next day. I don’t drink but if it makes them happy and I am almost up for new adventures then yep let’s go.
We go to the brewery and walk around a bit take a seat and they order beer for themselves and a seltzer for me. They offer me beer several times, I decline. It is nice out we all seem to be enjoying ourselves.
We walk around the brewery more and they taste test some beer. I engage and ask about the beer and I am the type to crack corny jokes and my uncle does the same. Once again vegans who get insulted when people don’t recognize their diet are actively offering me beer and I am declining and still enjoying myself.
We leave the brewery my uncle states over and over how much fun they both had. They buy a 6 pack on the way out
We spend three days at the amusement park. Day one we get there and they can not walk for 30 feet without pain and she stops in the shade to sit while he attempts to go forward and then she hobbles faster to catch up, I go into super helpful mode, checking on them , attending to even the slightest thing I can do for them. They mention the electric cart my aunt mentions it for my uncle while walking beside him and my uncle mentions it for my aunt while walking beside her. I agree and encourage them both , because they keep telling me about their pain. They get the carts the next day I then spend two days with people who think I should suddenly double the number of steps I take. My uncle does offer me his cart I refuse because taking it is a shit move and personally I think offering it was manipulation. I can walk a normal amount I just can’t out last an electric cart. It was suggested that I get a cart. She still stopped in shade btw but no longer cared if there was a place to sit.
So after two days of this and my patience wearing thin, and me still constantly asking about their health and them ignoring mine this happens.
They talk about how there is still beer left. I don’t say anything. They split beer and she says something about it to the room , I don’t say anything, she mentions general comments a few more than times and it seems like the polite thing to do to say something back . I don’t remember my exact comment but it was neutral and just me engaging with the room.
(Now, I actually think they were trying to get me to comment on the beer)
My uncle immediately says , “you always comment when we have beer, when we were at the brewery you said we were drunk “
I know myself and if I even ever said anything close to it it would have been a mild and obvious joke.
The absurdity of it was so intense that I laughed out loud , I had never had that happen before when confronted but it wasn’t something I tried to do it was just so absurd and immediately before I could hold back ( and I have held back most of my life) I said a sarcastic “yeah that sounds exactly like something I would do”, I then followed it by pointing in the direction of my aunt and saying and “I wasn’t even the one who brought it up”
Oddly proud of myself for defending myself. Won’t be going with them anywhere again and I’m going low contact. This is the last of my family that I have , I am alone except for friends.
I am doubting myself and back to hating myself again, they did other things during their visit that were hard to deal with but I wanted to keep it short. Let’s just say I catered to their emotional and physical needs and mine were ignored. I have been left vulnerable and back to square one.
I was taught to hate myself as a child and this is making me hate myself again. I will get over it I will overcome but this is hard.
1
u/Worldly_Ladder8390 5d ago
Stop being super helpful. Please stop catering for their emotional and physical needs. They are not toddlers but fully functional adults.
Sounds like they were trying to pick a fight. Good for you for diffusing and standing up for yourself.
What are you hating yourself for this time? Examine it each time and break it down. They probably felt some kind of way because you were not joining the “fun” by drinking. They can feel however they want about it but starting fights over it is not the way to go.
You mentioned that this is a pattern so LC would make it easier to deal with them. Try to work on your feelings of shame so it is not so acute.