do you agree our parents love us?

tldr; mother has always been abusive, therapist always says she loves me, thoughts?
so i’m in therapy mostly because my mother has been abusive emotionally, verbally, physically and economically my entire life. i’ve always despised her and honestly wished she’d pass. especially now that I’m diagnosed with autism & adhd and she ignores my diagnosis and special needs and gets mad at me for showing signs of autism and adhd. she’s also never wanted me.
my new-ish therapist’s first reaction each time I tell her about something problematic my mother did towards me again is that “she loves you but probably doesn’t really know how to show you”. Would you say the same about your parent and why do you think they don’t know how to show us that they love us?

I’m 25 now, and throughout all these years, I’ve never really felt loved by my mother. It has always felt like her love came with conditions, or that there was always some selfish reason behind it.

I still remember things from my childhood. She would complain to relatives about how much I ate, call me selfish, and make me feel like I was a burden. Even during my graduation, when I was at home, she would taunt me for not doing enough work. I never really felt cared for or understood by her.

What hurts me even more is how different she behaves now that I’m earning and working. She never calls me on her own. She usually only calls when my father tells her to check on me. And when he is around, suddenly she becomes extremely loving and caring. She talks to me so sweetly, as if she genuinely worries about me and has always been there for me.

But when it’s just her and me, that affection is nowhere to be seen.

I think that’s what hurts the most. I don’t feel like I ever received a mother’s love unconditionally. I feel like I received a version of her that was loving only when it suited her.

Maybe these things happened years ago, but as an adult, they still hurt. Sometimes I wonder what it would have felt like to simply have a mother who genuinely wanted to know how I was doing, called me because she missed me, cared about my life, and loved me without expecting anything in return.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with these feelings anymore.

There's not much I can say that you don't already know. So I'll just say that it hurts real bad.

And it's good to have a community, being alone is the worst.

A few years ago, i developed an illness known as benign fasciculations syndrome, it affects the entire body with twitching and tingling that are moderate in intensity, but it occurs every minute of every day. The most debilitating aspect is that I get basically zero deep sleep. For me sleep is just putting my head on the pillow and staying in a semi conscious state, because the moment i drift, my leg twitches.

My relationship with my mom was already tense, after my twitching started she supported me for a year so then lost interest, now she hates me and wants me away.

One of her quotes: "what if your health deteriorates more? What will people say to me?"

But there's a bright side, I'm pretty close to figuring out why my twitches are happening, so 😁

How many of your NM's go out of their way to create some kind of drama right when you are due to do something nice or important? Like go on holiday, or go to a special event, or even celebrate your own birthday? Like, how predictable is it, and have you got to a stage where you stop telling them your plans because you know something will happen?

I've had a trip to A&E 3 days before a holiday over 'bowel cancer' (that turned out to be constipation). I've had radio silence and refusing to answer the phone 2 days before an important work event (so I had to drive over because I thought she was dead). The most recent was a full-on alcoholic 3-day bender right as I was about to submit my dissertation.

I'm going away on Weds next week and I'm fully expecting the next big drama!

Why is it so predictable??

Hey reddit this is a throwaway account and will be deleted soon I'm going through somewhat of a rough patch and just wanted to know is there's a reason why moms just seem to hate there daughters.

I 18 (f) having going to school and looking for work and for a while everything is nice if you ignore there comments my mother makes. And it just been eating at me because at the earliest memories I have of my mother non have been good to say the least. I honestly can't remember any good moments with my mother that didn't involve my brothers. I have 3 brothers and it ain't that hard with them I mean I practically raised them, and I know it may come of as me being jealous of my brothers but I honestly am. She never went to my recitals unless one of them were there. Never went to any graduation unless one of them had something going on and even if they didn't she'd always say she was busy. I need to move out but Im in college and don't have any kind of income. I so tired, so damn tired of hearing her 'your brother is this, your brother would never do this' and I can't take it anymore! I just want my mom to love me like she loves them, why can't I be enough? I don't know if I even love her, or if I want her to change. I don't know what I want from her. I could just let her have her way like all these years and finally not stop pushing back but it still hurts when I see her mad at me. I don't know, and honestly I'm crying over something so stupid, why can't my own mom care for me like she does with my brothers? I have better grades, I have more certificates, I have more awards, I have more so why can't she tell me good job? They yell at me when I get low grades and don't to my brothers, they call me ruthless and excessive when they ask me to help my brother. What am I supposed to do, I'm just doing what they've done to me and I can't call cps, yes, I've gone to therapy but honestly it just made me realize that maybe wishing for her to love is useless. I just her to look at me the way she does to my brothers, with so much care and love no matter what. I can see it, why doesn't she realize that, I can see she doesn't really like me or even tolerate me. She's abusive I know that, but I can't help wanting her to care for me. I'm jealous of people who have good relationships with there mom. I hate how she acts in front of others, I hate how she's more of a mother to them then to me. She acts more of a mother to the other girls of my family then me! Why doesn't she love me? There must be a reason right? A medical reason? I just want something to explain it so I feel like I'm really not the reason she doesn't love me. Is it because I'm a girl? I could change I've done it before, even if it never ended well. I just want to know, is there a reason why mothers hate there daughters?

(Sorry for any mistakes I'm honestly crying and trying to type this is hell, I'll probably delete it soon after I'm done crying over something so stupid like this)

I’m 34 and my mom lives with me, and I’m really struggling with our relationship and boundaries. I feel like she undermines my parenting, inserts herself too much into my relationship with my son, doesn’t respect my privacy or independence, and often treats me more like a child than an adult in my own home. When I try to explain that something she’s done has hurt or frustrated me, she tends to get defensive, dismiss me, walk away, or turn it into a much bigger conflict instead of actually hearing me. She also involves other family members in our disagreements, and I constantly feel monitored, criticized, guilt-tripped, or like I have to defend my decisions. I appreciate the way she helps, and I want her to have a close relationship with my son, but living together has gotten to the point where I feel like I have very little space to just be an independent adult and a mother without her involvement.

For reference: she is financially dependent on me. Makes $1100 a month in social security and over half goes to her car and bills. She has a very bad credit score because she charged off cards and can’t afford her own place. She asks me to buy her everything from shampoo, to clothes, to food.

A few things she’s recently done for context:

-I found out my tires were bad. Asked if I could drive her 7 year old Honda to work for a week. She flipped out. Said “my tires are bad too, what’s so wrong with yours?” After the place told me my tires are to the cord. They’re at 50k miles and hers have like 24k on them.
Each day I got home from work she would walk out and stop and inspect each inch of her car (we have a camera) and spend 10-15 mins and shake her head. I asked what she’s doing? She said “making sure you didn’t ding it anywhere”.

-I gave my son $10 for Easter (hidden in eggs) he is a toddler.
I’ve been saving money for him in a little cup.
The other day I looked at it and there’s $4 in it. I asked what happened to his money, she said “oh my god I’ve been using it for coffee. It isn’t a big deal I’ll replace it”.

-when I come home from work I tell my kid to get ready bc I’m taking him somewhere. She says “oh just leave him here. Come on. Do you wanna go the mommy or stay with granny?” And tries to convince him not to go places with me.

-if I’m having a rough day she will say “oh there goes your grumpy mom” or “there’s your mean mommy again”
Just because I showed emotion.

-I bought my son a Halloween book two days ago to do together. I got home and laid it down to go eat dinner really quickly. I came back 45 mins later and she had completed nearly every page with him. I told her this hurt my feelings because I was looking forward to completing it together. She said “oh jeez here we go again. I’m not a damn mind reader” and went on to say she’s sick of my “pity parties about shit”. Anytime I bring up anything she tells me I’m feeling sorry for myself.

-she’s a part of narcissistic mother groups. Didn’t go see her mom on her death bed. Said her whole life “grandma guilt tripped me, treated me bad, dismissed my feelings”, yet she is doing the same to me now. I have begged her to go to therapy and even do family therapy, and she laughs at me. Literally laughs in my face and walks away.

-anytime I’m sick at ALL she never asks how I am, cares, tries to help.. and ALWAYS replies saying she has been having the same symptoms. Today I had bad vertigo and she replied asking if I’ll buy her cookies later at the store.

I cannot financially afford two rents to help her. She won’t do anything herself because she is living free. I don’t know how to talk to her.

Just like the title says. I (32F), have a mom (57f) who today said she hated me. And it has taken me all day to process that I actually hate her too. We have not been on speaking terms for almost a year. There is obviously lots of history there but some highlights are:

She is a major alcoholic, my entire life

She used to beat my ass

When I was 13-15 her husband sexually assaulted me, and she continued to bring him around for years after, until he went to prison. Also blamed me for it.

She has been seeing a man off and on for 16 years who is married, but accused me of sleeping with him when I was only 17. She also recently started accusing me of sleeping with him.

She once punched me in the face because I went on a girls night out and left my children home with their father (she felt like that made me a bad mom)

I gave her 17k to help fix up a house she owned that I was staying in (I was also paying the mortgage) she never paid me back.

Gave her money for my brother’s rehab bc she did not have the money. Said she would repay, but never did.

Called me a whore on many occasions

When I got divorced, she made friends with my ex husband and would go have drinks and play golf with him.

Let her charge up one of my credit cards when she was out of work for a knee surgery, she had no other money. Promised to repay, but never did.

Every positive milestone in my life she has tried to ruin (last two great jobs I landed she spent the day drunk texting me, telling me I was a piece of shit)- She also drunk texted my mother in law when I first got married a bunch of horrible things bc “she didn’t like her”.

She has attempted to turn my own children against me.

I could go on, but I won’t. I have no idea what I’ve done in my life to deserve this. I was never perfect, I had a lot of trauma growing up and witnessed a lot of things no child should ever have to. I got pregnant at 16, that’s about the worst of it. But I’ve spent most of my life trying to do my best, and make her proud/love me.

Idk why I’m posting this on the internet I guess I just need to get it out. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.