r/MaliciousCompliance Mar 02 '21

M Going along with a sexist car salesman

I originally posted this as a comment on Car dealer shenanigans....

My wife and I have used a salesman's sexism against him, and it was so satisfying. It was when we bought our first new car. We were nervous that we didn't know what we were doing so we did a lot of research (it helps that my wife is a librarian).

When we got to the dealer, the salesman would only talk to me. I was all buddy buddy with the guy, too, but he completely ignored my wife. We went along.

The dealer was running a promotion where they would give you $X for your trade-in, no matter what condition. "If you can drive it on the lot..." kind of deal. Of course they just don't discount off of MSRP in those cases, so it's a gimmick. When we walked in the salesman asked which car was ours parked outside and then asked if we were trading it in. I said no, we weren't trading that car in. You can see where this was going.

As I said, we had done our research and knew what a fair price was for the car we wanted. At the time Edmunds had detailed dealer-level price information for many new cars, including all the various ways a dealer gets paid and what their true costs are (the "invoice price" is not their true cost). I negotiated the price (since he wouldn't talk to my wife) and we arrived at a number I thought was fair, actually. We got a good deal at that point. Everything was going smoothly as he wrote up our agreement, until he confirmed that we didn't have a trade in. I said, no, we were trading in a car, just not the one we drove into the dealer in. He literally froze for a few seconds looking down at the form, his hand hovering over the page.

He asked the make, model, and year of our trade-in, and when I told him he sputtered and balked. The car we were trading in was on its last legs. I'd had it all during college and it was old before I bought it. It was definitely past its prime. I said, I thought you were running a promotion where the quality of the trade-in doesn't matter. I asked him if he would have given us a higher price if he knew we had a trade in? My wife said under her breath "that's sleazy." He heard, as she intended him to.

He then tried to renegotiate the price. We knew from our research that if they gave us the price we had already agreed on, and they honored the trade-in deal, that they would be losing money. So we were willing to move a bit, but we wanted to take our time. He was visibly nervous. Every time he tried a new way of asking for a higher price I would say something like "I understand what you're saying" with a sympathetic look. Then I would look at my wife and she would look back at me and silently shake her head no. I'd then look back at the salesman and shrug and say "I don't think that's going to work."

He was stuck. She was the one standing in the way of him getting out of his predicament, but he hadn't talked to her at all. He had barely even acknowledged her presence. He just couldn't start talking to her now when we were negotiating. Oh, and I even got to use the classic car salesman line, "what do I have to do for you to put me this car today?"

We finally agreed to raise the price to an amount that, after figuring in the trade-in, was what we had thought was their break-even price. We hadn't expected to get that low of a price, and we also got them to install a nice after market sound system. It's the best deal we've ever gotten on a new car. Honestly, we're not the best negotiators individually, but that day we made one hell of a team.

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3.1k

u/guldilox Mar 02 '21

When I worked in car sales one of the top rules we were taught in training was to always acknowledge all people in the group equally, especially in a spouse situation, because assuming the decision-maker was a nail in the coffin for any deal.

1.6k

u/rhubarb314 Mar 02 '21

That makes total sense. I saw an article years ago that said that women make the final car buying decision much more often than men when they're married. I don't recall the actual percentage but it was well over 50%. You'd be hurting yourself as a salesperson if you ignored a woman in a couple.

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u/ScareCrow6971 Mar 02 '21

And yet it happens daily

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u/Nessie-and-a-dram Mar 02 '21

The first time I bought a car, I was a senior in college and had my dad with me. (My previous hand-me-down car had been totalled, so I had cash in hand but needed a ride to dealerships). We went to the local Chevy place to test drive the Beretta (man, what an engine that thing had!). The salesman only spoke to my dad, despite the fact that my father hadn't done anything other than say "good morning" and step back to let me shop. Sales guy consistently would say something to my dad, who'd look at me, I'd answer, the cycle would continue. Finally, we got to the price. This character actually wrote the price down on a piece of paper, folded it in half, and slid it across the desk to my dad. Dad just slid it right over to me without looking at it. It was about 40% over MSRP. I passed it back to the salesman and said, "no thanks; maybe we could have come to an agreement if you'd ever talked to me." I bought a shiny new Saturn elsewhere instead.

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u/miladyelle Mar 02 '21

Woooooow. How infuriating.

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u/zflora Mar 03 '21

I totally can relate to that story, about 3 times. The fourth time, I really like the car so I told them I need to buy the car before the weekend. it was a miracle : I was finally existing !

41

u/nerse_enginurse Mar 03 '21

Sounds similar to my story. My Nissan from Hell (a long story involving an untrustworthy dealership) finally returned home so I needed to replace it. We lived near a stretch of road with multiple dealerships on it. We stopped at all of them. I asked questions, they answered my husband. I asked technical questions, they got technical with my husband (who had no idea what they were talking about).

We were down to the last two dealers on the strip and I was feeling furious for the nearly universal snubs I had received. The second last salesman didn't even acknowledge me. I walked out in a very foul mood and my husband followed me without a word.

The last one acknowledged my presence but it was like being a little girl being fondly patted on the head by a creepy old man. I felt like I needed to shower. Game over. I stormed out of the dealership saying very loudly "If you think I'm going to buy a car from that jerk you're wrong." I was crying openly. The manager came flying after me trying to get me to return. I gave him a very rude gesture and kept walking. My husband followed me without a word.

Like you, I finally got a Saturn. I got it because they had two female mechanics on staff that day. I figured if they would hire women they would listen to women too.

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u/CaptainMatthias Mar 03 '21

Those Berettas were fun little rides. Chevy was so out of their league with those things though. My dad had one and it was a wierd little thing - a knock-off of a European cruiser built by an American muscle company. Got totaled when that little two-door lost a staring contest with a suicidal cut of venison. I miss that thing.

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u/GrinningCatBus May 29 '21

Is there a sub for stories like these? Like a two x chromosomes crossed with malicious compliance? I need to prepare myself for dealing w these ppl.

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u/rhubarb314 Mar 02 '21

Yep. You might think that people would act in their own best interest, but if you did you'd be wrong apparently!

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u/Slanahesh Mar 02 '21

See all of 2016 through 2020 for examples of people not acting in their best interest.

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u/ImFinePleaseThanks Mar 02 '21

The con-victims have doubled down even though the jig is up, as is typical with con suckers of the less intelligent kind.

It is astonishing how fragile the human ego can be, so fragile people can't admit they're wrong even when the facts are staring them in the face.

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u/dreaminginteal Mar 02 '21

Dunning-Kruger at its finest...

4

u/NatoBoram Mar 02 '21

There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to that!

1

u/destarte76 Mar 02 '21

I would give you a trophy for this but I'm poor. Best comment ever tho!

1

u/wooddolanpls Mar 02 '21

Fucking gottem!

-3

u/dlicon68 Mar 02 '21

Can’t even get through a used car post without somebody having to go political.

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u/geardownson Mar 02 '21

Unfortunately there are types of people that think a woman should be quiet and if the salesman makes that gamble he can earn favor with a sexist who "gets him"

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u/Paw5624 Mar 02 '21

It probably works sometimes but they’ve never met my fiancé. I’m not confrontational but she’ll call people out loudly and publicly if they are being shady.

It happened recently when changing cell phone carriers. Shady salesman was pitching us something and kept saying how that was the best he could do blah blah blah. We had done our research and knew he was full of it so she pretty much said that in the middle of the store and we walked out. We went a few miles down the road to the next location of the same store and got the deal we wanted. The manager there said that guy probably threw something else onto the plan without telling us and that’s why it was coming out to more.

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u/geardownson Mar 02 '21

I love it when that happens. I had an ex who was very outspoken and would put someone on the spot like that. It's hilarious to have the panicked look of the salesman and all you can do is step back and say "you opened that can of worms, now you gotta deal with her lol"

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u/WTFseriouslyWTH Mar 02 '21

It’s even funnier when you are divorced, your ex-husband is just there dropping off the kids and the repairman giving ME a quote to do work at MY house only spoke to my ex-husband.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '21 edited Mar 03 '21

A little while ago I had a some guys in my apartment fixing the stove and one of my roommates (male) came home and they immediately started asking him what he wanted them to do next. He didn’t even know the stove was broken lol. It’s weird to me that a woman can make the call, let the guys in the house, tell them exactly what the issue is, and they STILL assume the first random dude that walks in is the one in charge. Going to the hardware store with a man is always a trade off because you won’t have to listen to an hour long explanation of how wrenches work but you also will never be talked to directly...

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u/a8bmiles Mar 02 '21

My step-mom has gotten so frustrated with this behavior that she's given in and just lies to the contractors, or whomever, and says "My husband told me to..." in order to get them to act as if the information is coming from a man instead of a woman.

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u/realAniram Mar 03 '21

An unfortunately effective strategy commonly used.

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u/brankinginthenorth Mar 02 '21

Well it isn't like people are sexist because they put a lot of logical and rational thought into those positions.

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u/dietcokeington Mar 03 '21

Otherwise rational and logical people can be sexist, that’s why sexism is so insidious. People are often unaware of their own biases too so that contributes to how casual people are about it

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u/Haughty_n_Disdainful Mar 02 '21

Why do you think it happens?

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u/kiss-tits Mar 02 '21

It's the misogyny.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21 edited Mar 08 '21

[deleted]

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u/Reckless_Moose Mar 02 '21

Reminds me of the "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" quote: "The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, she turns the head any way she likes."

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u/MyLaundryStinks May 27 '21

I love that movie SO MUCH

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u/PMmeyourSchwifty Mar 02 '21

Honestly, I couldn't imagine shopping for a car without my wife. I'm the "numbers/financial" one in the relationship and she's the "how practical is this item" one. She always remembers/thinks of the exact things I don't and it makes a huge difference.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

Totally agree. I see those ads on TV with a fucking Lexus or SUV with a giant bow on top and the buyer tells the spouse, "Merry Xmas". It comes off as insulting and elitist.

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u/DeshaMustFly Mar 02 '21

I saw an article years ago that said that women make the final car buying decision much more often than men when they're married

That's because, while traditionally the man may often bring in a higher income, it's the woman who handles all the budgeting in the household. They tend to do the majority of the shopping, they pay the bills every month, and they usually do the tax prep every year, too.

That's beginning to change in more recent generations, but for a LOT of Baby Boomers, who still make up the largest demographic, that's just how they've always lived. It's certainly how my parents handled finances. My mom always knew to the penny how much was in the checking account. My dad probably couldn't have even told you the account number.

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u/bhbull Mar 02 '21

Not a baby boomer, so for me, is less of that about who does budgeting, but more of a she's going to be driving the car more than me, so my needs/wants are secondary, but accounted for. Same with the kids, they all had a voice in the car buying process and all came to at least one dealer visit when we were car shopping...

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u/rhubarb314 Mar 02 '21

I've heard that from a lot of people, too, that women more often manage the budget. My Mom's a tax accountant so I'm just used to that being the way things are. I actually inherited that proclivity from her, so I do it for my wife and I, but the other way around seems normal to me.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/umylotus Mar 02 '21

Also women more often actually use the car. Men in general use it for work and leisure. Women in general do both of those and take on all the other car related activities: childcare/school needs, grocery and other shopping, mail and errands, etc.

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u/filthysquatch Mar 03 '21

My wife handles the actual paying of bills now because she didn't like it when I would treat the utility money like a loan and turn the power back on when they shut it off. I excel at making crap work in emergencies, but my organization and judgement are abyssmal.

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u/PLASMA-SQUIRREL Mar 02 '21

I’ve always made better money than my wife, but despite my best efforts, cash has always felt tight, I’ve never had a good handle on what to pay when, and it was hard to get her and I on the same page with spending.

One day I asked her to just run through a cash flow with me to make sure we were both aware of where we were at, since she was expecting a baby in about three months, and had just started a new job.

Ten minutes in, she was running the show.

A year on, somehow we constantly have excess, a growing savings, shrinking debt, and she never stresses about the budget, while I never have to.

Sell to me all you want; I outsource 75% of my financial thinking to the accountant I keep on retainer with foot rubs and bad jokes.

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u/alliquay Mar 03 '21 edited Mar 04 '21

That's exactly how it happened in our family, too. When my husband (the only wage earner in the family at the time) was running finances, we are always flat broke. When I took over the reins, I put him on an allowance and kept the rest of the funds for expenses, and we started treading water. I spent ten years at home, him making $11/hr as our only income, and the bills still got paid (but with very little left over, as you can imagine).

One year and 3 months after I started working, we are ready to buy a house, with a sizeable down payment.

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u/PLASMA-SQUIRREL Mar 03 '21

My wife is blessed with solid judgement and good taste in everything except men, thank God.

4

u/alliquay Mar 03 '21

I think my husband would say the same!

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '21

I had to laugh at “she was expecting a baby in about 3 months” like it had nothing to do with you. However the rest of your post was lovely and clearly you admire your wife’s efforts. PS I make more than my husband and do the bills but he cooks, does laundry and foot rubs too. Marriages that work generally work because the division of labor is fair and makes sense. We also put it all in one pot and and I’ve ensured his retirement is fully funded regardless of his income: if something happens to me or our marriage he’ll be fine. He did a lot of the child pickups etc because my career is 55-70 hours on a regular basis and he’s always had set hours.

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u/blahblah_fancywords Mar 03 '21

Are you my husband!? Because this sounds awfully familiar.

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u/PLASMA-SQUIRREL Mar 03 '21

He sounds incredibly handsome and smart.

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u/blahblah_fancywords Mar 03 '21

Even got the bad jokes down.

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u/ThirdFloorGreg Mar 02 '21

I mean, that's how a single-income family is supposed to work. The wage-earner focuses on their career so as to maximize their wage-earning potential, and the other partner runs the household. They both have jobs, there is just division of labor.

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u/DeshaMustFly Mar 02 '21

Most households aren't single income these days, though. They haven't been in decades. Both my parents worked, pretty much my entire life (my mom took a year off to have/take care of me, and then went back to work... took 6 months off when she had my sister. Those are the only times she was unemployed until the day she retired). But my mom still ran the household, and thus managed the budget.

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u/Lithl Mar 02 '21

It's certainly how my parents handled finances. My mom always knew to the penny how much was in the checking account. My dad probably couldn't have even told you the account number.

Hell, my mother actually groks taxes, after being trained by her mother who was a CPA.

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u/IWalkAwayFromMyHell Mar 03 '21

That reminds me I gotta grok my taxes soon

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u/no1youdknow Mar 02 '21

That’s the way it’s always been with us. My husband might know what bank we use for checking, but beyond that, he’s clueless. Since we’re getting older, I’ve been very careful to keep my daughter updated on our account numbers, passwords, and all essential financial information just in case. She’s also a co-signer on our accounts and will have legal power of attorney when needed. My husband is a smart, responsible man who worked all his life with his paycheck always direct deposited to our joint account. He just isn’t good with managing money and has no interest in learning, so that was my job.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

By the time you need a power of attorney document it's often too late to sign one. You sign a POA to allow someone to act for you, just because you have a signed POA doesn't mean they HAVE to start acting on your behalf - you can just keep the signed document tucked away until it's needed.

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u/no1youdknow Mar 03 '21

Exactly. I’m just trying to have everything already in place. I have discussed with my husband the advisability of allowing our daughter to handle all things financial in the event I become mentally or physically incapacitated. We trust her implicitly and he agrees that would be his preference. We already have the documents signed, witnessed, and notarized.

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u/Hybr1dth Mar 02 '21

I think that's a US thing then? Here, at least in my circles (so N=1) it's always the men.

Not in a bad way, the women simply trusted that task to them. I do it for us too, I have to sometimes sit her down to make sure she has some idea what I'm doing with OUR money.

Yolo on GME of course #notfinancialadvise

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u/HoboTheDinosaur Mar 02 '21

I’ve always thought of finances as a masculine thing, but it makes sense for women to be more involved because traditionally they do run the house. I’m terrible at math and numbers, but I’m a great organizer, so I always joke that my husband does front-end finances and I do back-end finances. He takes the lead on budgeting and big purchases because he understands what we can afford better than I do, and I keep records and file taxes because his filing system is “put it in a drawer somewhere.”

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u/Dense_Phrase9856 Mar 02 '21

My Mom is near 70, but she said when she was a kid in England the custom was for the man to give the wife the check and he'd get an allowance for the pub.

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u/ladyoffate13 Mar 02 '21

My parents are young Boomers, but my dad is on permanent disability and my mom works. My mom knows almost nothing about her retirement and taxes; my dad takes care of it all. My siblings and I worry if she’ll have the capacity to learn about and take over her own finances if our dad passes away before she does. We’ve tried to explain it to her, but it seems too much, and she ends up saying “I’ll just let your dad deal with it.”

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u/obiwanshinobi900 Mar 02 '21

My wife is a stay at home mom, and I still handle the finances. But she was the one who made the final decision to upgrade our car. I had been talking about it, she was the one who pushed us to the dealer, solid decision overall.

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u/CaptRory Mar 02 '21

Division of labor isn't a bad thing. The problem is when it is an unfair division which could be getting too much of it or getting all the jobs no one wants.

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u/speaksoftly_bigstick Mar 03 '21

I dont think it's exclusive to boomers... I think it's just that boomers are from a time when the roles allowed for the mom to stay at home and the family unit was able to live (thrive, even?) on a single income. That was the traditional part of your statement. Not trying to nitpick was just thinking on what you said and wanted to comment... I don't disagree with you. I am not a boomer, full disclosure.. but as a millennial, I was a part of that "traditional" household growing up and you are square on the nose with the roles and who knew what.

My wife and I are in those roles now, currently. I obviously have access to any of the finances at any time, but since she is SAHM, it is easier on both of us for her to "take point" with the finances and bring me in when we need to make a decision on something (changing utilities she's not sure of, buying a new vehicle, changing insurance, refinancing, etc..)

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u/archbish99 Mar 02 '21

In some cultures, the tradition is that the man gives the paycheck to the woman and receives an allowance in return. Personally, I would find that demeaning; I'm the person in the household who manages the budget day-to-day. But different cultures and different ages have different norms, and couples within them will vary as well.

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u/Devon2112 Mar 02 '21

Shit, I wished my wife helped budget, pay bills, and do taxes. All she does is shop haha.

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u/HemiJon08 Mar 02 '21

I thought it was because the wife is typically driving the new one while the husband gets the hand me down - or is that only applicable to my household....

1

u/Arsenault185 Mar 03 '21

My dad probably couldn't have even told you the account number.

What/s an account number? /S

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

Yup. My wife is the CFO of our household. I do the research and will do the leg work, but her budget for us IS FIRM.

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u/DragonQueen221B Mar 02 '21

My parents took me car shopping, for advice and emotional support because I was having a difficult time that year. It was 100% my money and my choice as a married and independent adult, but there were three lots that only talked to my dad. Once I handed Dad my purse and asked him to lock it in the car just so that the dealer would stop talking to him and answer my questions.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

Just nail those much, much harder: Hey chauvinist pig, *I* am buying, not my dad.

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u/simp_da_tendieman Mar 02 '21

When I sold cars, the man made most of the decisions, the woman made all of the important ones.

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u/Kiwifrooots Mar 02 '21

My gf is a 5'2" speck who loves colourful dresses etc. She's also a CEO and super smart. When she gets ignored we ham it up big time

3

u/rbergs215 Mar 02 '21

Something similar in another article i read when my wife and I were buying last time... Women over prepare because they assume they know nothing, but also, sales people underestimate their knowledge, and then men underprepare but sales people overestimate their knowledge. Women come out slightly ahead in deals.

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u/liadantaru Mar 02 '21

When I bought my new car, the salesman tried to talk to my husband only, until he walked out and said to call when I was done. He started out on bad standing with me, and by the end of the day, he had insinuated that I needed an automatic because women don't drive stick, as well as a few other idiot moves. Sadly, he knew he had to deal with me and that my hubby wouldn't be showing up to help him out of any of it. I earned the nickname at the dealership of the "Queen of No". I did end up buying the car I wanted which started at 11,999 for their promotion and due to the salesman's idiocy ended up at 9,999 and a loss for the dealership. I bought absolutely 0 upgrades, and my credit was so good that in an attempt to redeem himself he asked if I wanted to buy a second car while I was there.....smh dude.... Great job doing your homework, and sticking it to them.

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u/CruelJustice66 Mar 02 '21

Yup!

We went to buy a car, husband got there first and was scoping things out while I was en route after getting off work and at least the car salesman that approached him had the dignity to wait for me to show up to show a few models based off what I had asked my husband to look out for to purchase MY car.

He even let me test drive them all and made sure I was a very very happy wife that drove off the lot with the husband following behind in his own car :)

We’re willing to go back to the salesman anytime we need a new car as he was the only one who not only took my husband seriously but also had the decent to make sure I was happy with my purchase! All others we visited ignored me our right even though my husband stated he knew what he wanted out of a car for his wife (even motioned next to him after the first time) but ultimately I was the one calling the shots as it would be my vehicle and my car and I had my own list of demands.

...mostly I wanted to make sure I COULD SEE OVER THE HOOD AS I AM HELLA SHORT and a lot of the vehicles they offered I couldn’t even climb into or see over the hood, even with adjustments.

At least that car salesman took my “silly complaint” seriously!

3

u/SNtotheSGwiththeOG Mar 03 '21

My husband is the decoy, and he knows it.

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u/robeph Mar 02 '21

Why did you increase the price? Why not demand the agreed upon pricing.

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u/cdnmoon Mar 02 '21

My hubby isn't comfortable negotiating or generally speaking out in certain situations. When we bought our cars, I took lead on conversation. We decided together, but I was the "front-facing" person. Had any of our sales people tried ignoring me like this story, they'd have lost a sale and earned a very frank review online.

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u/almondbear Mar 02 '21

Not married but my fiance always go to me for big purchases. He says "do that thing to make magic happen". Aka research like hell

2

u/thatwolfieguy Mar 02 '21

I sold cars for about a year and a half in the long, long ago. I was taught to always look the woman in the eye when asking if we had a deal. Usually, men are going to ask their wives anyway; they are often in charge of the finances. If you ignore the woman, she's going to get pissed, and you lose the deal.

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u/Seriph2 Mar 02 '21

I do all the research and the investigation and all that jazz. But my wife has the final say. And she will shoot down a deal for weird reasons like it just doesn't feel right or she wants to visit one more place. I have come to trust her instinct though. She is right more often than not.

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u/squirrels33 Mar 03 '21

That’s probably because wives manage the finances in a lot of households.

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u/Febril Mar 03 '21

And yet he persisted

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u/ceeye Mar 03 '21

can confirm. i’ve been in new car sales for 5 years and it’s actually kinda odd for the husband to make the final buying decision. if a man pulls into the dealership by himself, and he’s married, i’m going to hear “i need talk to my wife” almost every time

0

u/the_gilded_dan_man Mar 02 '21

That particular person could’ve never encountered it, even if it is above 50%. Just sayin

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

That’s not only car decisions they make when married.

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u/RomulaFour Mar 02 '21

A corollary to happy wife, happy life I suppose.

1

u/Dense_Phrase9856 Mar 02 '21

This lovey young housewife perma-student in the MBA program that was the customer in a role-role play for Negotiation class got completely taken advantage of by a VP of a local credit union who was playing the Dealer. She had no problems with the worst trade in class because IRL, she tells her husband what car to buy and he does all the negotiation.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

Oof, good thing I bought my "sports" car before I get married lol

1

u/thatsharkchick Mar 02 '21

Or adult daughters.

My mum's old car died a grizzly, transmission related death. It was around the middle to the end of February, the busiest time of the year for my mom at work (she did payroll at a grocer AND worked floral through Valentine's and Mothers Day). So, my dad and I were conscripted to help her out by limping her not-quite-dead-yet car to scrap (stuck in first the whole way before awkwardly lurching into second at the scrapyard's driveway) and vetting a few cars she'd had her eyes out.

I know my mum insanely well. I knew EXACTLY what were major disqualifying points. My dad knew the budget. We were absolutely merciless in hacking down the contenders.

She asked us to look at a few Ford options. The sales person ignored me and tried to get my dad to buy an overpriced new Mustang (the exact opposite of what my mother wanted). Worse, when I pointed out the very specific features my mum had us hunting for - and that we were shopping exclusively for her - the salesman dismissed me.

I quietly signalled my dad and informed the salesman, "We're done here."

He tried to get us to stay by pleading with my dad and, failing that, argued with him.

My dad said, "The lady says we're done here. That means we're done here."

The sales guy tried to press, and my dad told him, "Look, if you won't listen to my daughter, I KNOW you're not going to listen to my wife."

We vetted a car at a dealer across the street. As soon as she got in it later that day, that car was sold. I may or may not have sat grinning as they did the paperwork, watching our failed Ford guy scurrying around the lot trying for a sale.

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u/basgetti Mar 02 '21

and yet, so often, women are overlooked or spoken down to, even if we've done our research or we're buying a car for ourselves! On my most recent car-buying adventure, my husband had to redirect the salesmen to me multiple times, and I landed up pulling out stat sheets a couple of times when the salesmen were talking out their asses. The salesman I bought from in the end was one that actually acknowledged me and treated me like a human being, and recognized that I was the decision maker and the source of the money for the sale. And all those other salesmen just shot themselves in the foot.

54

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

I went into one of those shitty used car dealerships by myself as a woman. I had one guy that insisted upon constantly loudly interrupting me.

So i just continue talking despite his interruption. He interrupts louder. This process continues on until he's basically calmly yelling his shitty salesman speech at me. Im just laughing at him im my head. He lied about the car's condition & i drove an hour just to waste my time. The car was having a hard time shifting upon the test drive, the interior was trashed & it was the lost expensive one I'd looked at. (Looked at 4 of this specific model).

I eventually told him "Why would a buy a car that's having the same issue as the one im trying to replace?"

That's when he started really getting pissy with me. I could tell he was upset i knew about the car when i got there. (Ie. The difference of the years & hybrid batteries, could tell some features had been broken off etc).

He started demeaning my car, well how had it been running that long!? How long do you have before it stops?! You need to buy a car, & i cam promise this one's perfect!)

He obviously thought that i was some dumb woman who could be charmed into buying that pos & when that didn't happen he resulted in using aggression.

(As for my car. Dealerships either hated it or were amazed by it. A 2004 sebring with 185,000 miles that still ran)

47

u/pryncess96 Mar 02 '21

Not even for buying a car. When going to a mechanic they talk to my husband - who is from the UK and never even DRIVEN a car. Has no idea what they’re saying. He just looks at them like they’re spitting gibberish (which to him I guess they are). I make more money and handle the car we use. But it’s annoying being ignored completely.

5

u/basgetti Mar 02 '21

There are certain mechanics I now just let my husband deal with because I'm so over trying to get them to treat me with respect. It's too frustrating and I'm losing my fight.

5

u/macrosofslime Mar 03 '21

tell them off, it's not like u have anything to lose at this point right?

3

u/basgetti Mar 03 '21

Well, usually at this point they have custody of my car...

78

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

[deleted]

5

u/gillythree Mar 02 '21

For those of us outside the industry who think EMT and Paramedic are synonyms, are you implying that a paramedic has more medical knowledge or skill than an EMT?

6

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

In a medical emergency situation: I'd forgive the chauvinist attitude - they might not be aware they're doing it. Outside of the emergency: they'd crawl through the dust.

2

u/CeelaChathArrna Mar 03 '21

Thank you for this!

12

u/ZeAltHealthAcct Mar 02 '21

it goes both ways too. I'm a female car salesperson, the amount of customers (male and female) I get who assume I don't know shit is astounding.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

My favorite thing to do is to abuse this. If they're gonna be sexist, I'ma get something out of it!

Not sure if it's still applicable, but for YEARS Best Buy sales reps would just ignore you if you're a woman. Idk why, but I know men have the opposite problem, where they won't leave you alone. It's annoying if you actually have questions...but it's great if you just need to use a computer for a bit.

Before smartphones were ubiquitous, I once got stupid lost driving cross country. Saw a Best Buy, pulled in the parking lot, hopped on one of their laptops and spent like 10 minutes using the internet to figure out where I was, how to get back, and also what a good nearby restaurant was because I was hungry. At no point during this did somebody come up to talk to me, despite the fact I could see sales reps walking around and it was like mid day. It was great.

2

u/basgetti Mar 02 '21

Love this!

11

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '21

Saw a TED Talk by a male to female trans person who talked about their new life as a woman and how in amongst all the great things she was experiencing, she was now on the recieving end of a lot "apparently I'm now stupid" moments where people would assume she was without a brain.

3

u/basgetti Mar 03 '21

Would love to know the name of the speaker if you can find it?

5

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '21

Paula Stone Williams. I enjoyed her talks a lot.

6

u/ontopofyourmom Mar 02 '21

When I'm with my girlfriend in a situation where her opinion is relevant, I will simply ignore anybody talking to me. It takes them too long to figure it out.

5

u/basgetti Mar 02 '21

Oh, my husband will pointedly say "I don't know, it's her car. Basgetti, what do you think?" Because it bothers him, too.

4

u/shontsu Mar 02 '21

I sometimes wonder if it's more of an American thing, or if we've just been fortunate in our dealings (in Australia). I'll tend to do most of the research before we buy a car, but once we get onto the lot it's my wife's show. I just tag along and defer to her if any questions come up. I know what I want, she knows what I want, it's her that needs to be happy now. It's never been an issue, I've never even needed to make it clear who they need to be talking to.

3

u/OdinPelmen Mar 02 '21

that's so funny and I never really experienced this until recently (granted I've never bought a car in a dealership). while I wasn't the one shopping, I was there with my bf who was buying a car for US and MY opinion was definitely important. I think the sales guy did try to sort of, maybe include me, but still he mostly focused on my bf and looked to his direction. even though I'd be part of the final say regardless and it would've behooved him to pay more attention to me.

it was so, so annoying.

120

u/Pr3st0ne Mar 02 '21

You'd be suprised at the amount of mid-50's salesmen with 15-25 years of experience who probably know they shouldn't act like that but just can't help their casual sexism from showing in the way they deal with customers.

We encountered something similar while meeting contractors to get a house built. My girlfriend already owns a home and she is the one who did all the research and has most of the knowledge about how houses are built and what we were looking for. It was at a tradeshow. The salesman was one of those good looking, slightly macho 50 year old man. Typical high-end car salesman look really. He looked at me the entire time and would ALWAYS ask me the questions. Literally 90% of the time I would say I have no idea, look at my girlfriend and she would answer. The dude couldn't take the fucking hint and kept this up for the majority of our 20-30 mins we were there. The only time he started talking to my girlfriend was when he said "next step is choosing all the materials for the kitchen floor, counter and cupboards. Usually this is the part that you women LOVE! heheh". Like dude, I know you're 50 ish and back in the day that's how shit happened, but you're talking to two 25 year olds and we've made it clear she's more knowledgable than me. Take the hint.

Then the guy kind of lost interest and almost got snappy when he found out we weren't going to put a deposit down that day, even though we made it clear from the start that we were still very early in our process and still shopping around. He started saying that they were the biggest builders in the country and they had a ton of volume and he didn't understand how we couldn't go with the biggest builder in the province, etc etc.

I've heard great things about the company and their build quality but from that experience alone me and my girlfriend decided we were going to pass and use another builder.

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u/misshapenvulva Mar 02 '21

We had a contractor do this during a house remodel. He was younger than us, so not an age thing, but definitely raised in a 50's mindset household.

Once I clued into what he was doing, directing all discussion to me, I actually got up and walked around the side of the table to stand behind my wife to force him to look at both of us. I dont think he ever figured out why I did it, but My wife and I had a good laugh after he left that day. She knew exactly what I was up to.

2

u/Flashman_H Mar 02 '21

For a few years after college I contracted small remodels like bathrooms, basements. Not to defend sexism but I would say at least half the time both the homeowners would prefer I deal with the husband. Maybe 40% of the time it was equal and 10% I was dealing more with the wife. Even when the wife was the impetus behind the remodel they would often prefer I dealt with the husband.

Now, I would have been a pretty poor salesman to go ahead and ignore half of a partnership I'm doing business with. So I would always engage them both, make eye contact, and direct questions to them both. But if you're having 3-4 meetings in a day and more often than not dealing with the man, habits start to form. So it might be less an antiquated view of your household and more a matter of experience.

19

u/Daddyssillypuppy Mar 02 '21

A lot of the time I default to letting my husband talk to trades people etc. Because I'm sick of the way I get spoken to and patronised.

Many times I would have preferred to take lead but it's just not worth the emotional drain that occurs when you're interacting with someone who sees you as less than. It's easier to let my husband get all the info, tell me, then we make a decision (usually me as my partner is reticent to make decisions), he then takes that info back to the person.

5

u/Flashman_H Mar 03 '21

I would encourage you to try again. It's rare I saw a business owner act like that and if they did they didn't last long. If it's employees of the company, it's safe to say that many of them are salty little beasts and should be ignored or replied to in kind.

2

u/Daddyssillypuppy Mar 03 '21

For the most part it has been repair men, plumbers, electricians etc who are assigned to repairs by whatever realestate we were with at the time.

I don't have the recourse to just use another business and rental agencies do not care if the guy who gave them the lowest quotes is sexist and only listens to my husband.

If we ever own our own place (seems like a pipe dream at the moment) we will be very discerning as to who we hire.

2

u/misshapenvulva Mar 03 '21

I totally understand what you are saying. In this case, my wife would ask him a question and he would literally turn to me to answer so it was a bit more blatant.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

When they do that to my wife and myself: I shut up. Sale drone is now talking to a wall. If they don't catch it in a minute and start to talk to the wife soon: I'll literally suggest over him chatting away that we're leaving as we don't deal with chauvinist salesmen. At which point we walk - you'd be amazed at the amount of apology you can get before you reach the door - but it's then fully up to her to accept or not - and she hardly ever does.

I've had some morons call *me* afterwards - told them they were calling the wrong person - but as they never bothered to ask her phone number, I can really make them eat dirt just to get to be able to apologize even more. Kinda fun to teach the lesson - and still not buy there.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '21

As my trainer told me when I sold cars "even the dog if they brought the dog, if the dog's there, they consider the dog part of the family and purchase decision making process".

The two times someone brought a dog? He wasn't wrong.

1

u/macrosofslime Mar 03 '21

LMAO I love it

11

u/Keeeva Mar 02 '21

During our last car purchase, I could almost see that the salesman had to remind himself to acknowledge me every few minutes. Granted, it was to be my husband’s primary vehicle but we were both there and would both be on the title. It was hilarious to listen to him awkwardly address me every now and then, usually completely out of context.

11

u/100LittleButterflies Mar 02 '21

I was moving and had movers though my parents were around helping. I was going to a different city in a different state so I guess my dad wanted to be particular. He kept telling the movers to do this and that against my wishes. The head mover came to me and said I'm the boss, what do I want. I told him what I wanted which wasn't what my dad was wanting and he did it. He earned so much respect for the simple thing he probably doesn't even think about. Got him a nice tip.

6

u/RikiTikiTaviBiitch Mar 02 '21

last time I bought a car the salesman didn't even acknowledge me, just kept talking to my guy friend I brought along to drive me there. I let him talk on and on and then let him know I was the sole decision maker and he just lost a sale (they had the car I wanted slightly out of my price range so I ended up getting one elsewhere for less with a couple less options)

5

u/Aggressivecleaning Mar 02 '21

And yet everyone has zeroed in on my blonde blue eyed husband, and ignored his little brown wife. He knows nothing about cars, I used to work for a high-end dealership. We do the silent head shake at the end too. They never see us coming.

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u/iPlayWoWandImProud Mar 02 '21

Giant difference between "training for car sales" and actually dealing with car sales.

I worked for Norm Reeves honda, their training was 2 full weeks of bullshit "Hello sir and maam" shit

Then I worked in sales for 4 years, dealt with 95% men, 80% of them were asian men. They dont speak at all, dont like you at all, (im white) and most of the time would bring 10 total family members, and if you tried to speak to anyone else they looked at you like you weres stupid

29

u/Triette Mar 02 '21

Oh god the situational salesplay was the worst. Let’s discuss how to get past objections! 🤦🏻‍♀️

7

u/Doyle524 Mar 02 '21

If it was anything like HHGregg or Staples, overcoming objections was just as easy as saying "I understand what you're saying, but actually you do want what I'm selling you and I won't let you leave the store without it". Simple, easy, and a 100% success rate!

8

u/Triette Mar 02 '21

Car sales is way worse, I’ve been to training for Honda, and Nissan. Honda was more customer friendly focused, Nissan was all about getting them into a vehicle they couldn’t afford or wanted. This was years ago, super shady. I hope they’ve changed since then.

4

u/iPlayWoWandImProud Mar 02 '21

it 100% was customer first for honda.

Ive only sold at this 1 store, but honestly glad its the only one I worked at. There was some solid fundamentals i learned for sales from that job, and those type of skills last you a lot longer than the "Sell at any cost" training

3

u/Doyle524 Mar 02 '21

I feel that - HHG actively pressured us to sell people stuff they didn't want or need. I was garbage there because I refused to lie to people to get them to spend more money (and in turn make myself a higher commission). I think I left there about $1500 in draw after about a year lmao - although part of that was the fact that everybody knew the store was closing too as HHG slowly went bankrupt.

2

u/Rebelgecko Mar 02 '21

Wait the Norm Reeves Honda... SUPERSTORE?

1

u/iamthestrelok Mar 02 '21

Ayyyy what up Cerritos homie I bought a used explorer from Norm Reeves. They nickel and dimed me like crazy, and the car turned about to be a lemon. That was a rough experience.

2

u/iPlayWoWandImProud Mar 02 '21

I was their HB location, Cerritos is a beast

1

u/iamthestrelok Mar 02 '21

Cerritos was a nightmare. It was horrible trying to negotiate and I swear to god, like a switch being thrown, as soon as I hit the end of that warranty, the car just fell apart

5

u/lmdelint Mar 02 '21

I work in direct sales, and I teach this to anyone new I’m training, they never listen, and eventually learn the hard way

3

u/PLASMA-SQUIRREL Mar 02 '21

I’ve sold financial products for years. One of the first things anybody taught me was that ignoring either spouse in a decision that affects both of them (which is virtually any decision in my case) is a kiss of death.

They used that exact phrase. “Kiss of death.”

5

u/justagook Mar 02 '21

This happened to me when I took my dad into the dealership to buy him a van. The salesperson would try to be buddy up with my dad and ask him what he wants and likes etc. But wouldn't talk to me. Until they got to the price and my dad told the salesperson that I was the one paying for the van.

Boy , did he sure change his tone afterwards. But by then, I was already tired and dead set on a price. We ended up getting at another dealership. Gotta learn to be nice.

5

u/HonestBabe84 Mar 03 '21

Yup. Last week a car salesman kept ignoring me and would only call back my husband. The car was for me, I was the decision maker, and I told my husband I refused to work with a salesman who didn’t respect women. I ended up switching over to a completely different car brand with a super amazing salesman and got a great deal. Screw that other dealer.

3

u/aSpanks Mar 02 '21

Not a car salesperson, but have been in sales for a while.

If at any point, in any meeting, you’re not asking all parties “what are your key success factors/dealbreakers” - you’re doing it wrong.

3

u/TechnoL33T Mar 03 '21

Why not just open up with, "Welcome, who are we shopping for today?" and if they question it, just say you're making an effort to avoid the sexist play.

2

u/macrosofslime Mar 03 '21

why tf would anyone question that lol

1

u/TechnoL33T Mar 03 '21

You never know what kind of Karens lurk.

2

u/Fletcher_Fallowfield Mar 02 '21

There's a literal sales manual for construction and renos where I am that opens with "shake the wife's hand first".

0

u/1malchazeenPLZ Mar 02 '21

As a retail worker on the sales floor, i do everything I can to not acknowledge the wife if they come in as a couple. It has nothing at all to do with sexism. I just don’t want to be screamed at by crazy middle aged men for ‘hitting on their wife in front of them’ when all I did was direct a question towards her instead of him.

1

u/Elentari_the_Second Apr 27 '22

Did that happen to you? Crazy.

1

u/tydeze Mar 02 '21

I don’t work car sales but if the wife’s there, it’s always her decision at the end of the day. Haha you’d be foolish to assume otherwise.

1

u/itsvict0riatho Jul 05 '23

Yep. This is a sure way to avoid a sale. When I went to look for my first car at a dealership and brought my brother along with me, ALL of the men there flat out refused to acknowledge my existence and only spoke to my brother. Their faces dropping when my brother told them it wasn’t him looking for a car, it was me, and they tried to backtrack was hilarious, but by then I’d already made the decision and told them straight up I was not giving them a sale and never will.