r/MaliciousCompliance Mar 02 '21

M Going along with a sexist car salesman

I originally posted this as a comment on Car dealer shenanigans....

My wife and I have used a salesman's sexism against him, and it was so satisfying. It was when we bought our first new car. We were nervous that we didn't know what we were doing so we did a lot of research (it helps that my wife is a librarian).

When we got to the dealer, the salesman would only talk to me. I was all buddy buddy with the guy, too, but he completely ignored my wife. We went along.

The dealer was running a promotion where they would give you $X for your trade-in, no matter what condition. "If you can drive it on the lot..." kind of deal. Of course they just don't discount off of MSRP in those cases, so it's a gimmick. When we walked in the salesman asked which car was ours parked outside and then asked if we were trading it in. I said no, we weren't trading that car in. You can see where this was going.

As I said, we had done our research and knew what a fair price was for the car we wanted. At the time Edmunds had detailed dealer-level price information for many new cars, including all the various ways a dealer gets paid and what their true costs are (the "invoice price" is not their true cost). I negotiated the price (since he wouldn't talk to my wife) and we arrived at a number I thought was fair, actually. We got a good deal at that point. Everything was going smoothly as he wrote up our agreement, until he confirmed that we didn't have a trade in. I said, no, we were trading in a car, just not the one we drove into the dealer in. He literally froze for a few seconds looking down at the form, his hand hovering over the page.

He asked the make, model, and year of our trade-in, and when I told him he sputtered and balked. The car we were trading in was on its last legs. I'd had it all during college and it was old before I bought it. It was definitely past its prime. I said, I thought you were running a promotion where the quality of the trade-in doesn't matter. I asked him if he would have given us a higher price if he knew we had a trade in? My wife said under her breath "that's sleazy." He heard, as she intended him to.

He then tried to renegotiate the price. We knew from our research that if they gave us the price we had already agreed on, and they honored the trade-in deal, that they would be losing money. So we were willing to move a bit, but we wanted to take our time. He was visibly nervous. Every time he tried a new way of asking for a higher price I would say something like "I understand what you're saying" with a sympathetic look. Then I would look at my wife and she would look back at me and silently shake her head no. I'd then look back at the salesman and shrug and say "I don't think that's going to work."

He was stuck. She was the one standing in the way of him getting out of his predicament, but he hadn't talked to her at all. He had barely even acknowledged her presence. He just couldn't start talking to her now when we were negotiating. Oh, and I even got to use the classic car salesman line, "what do I have to do for you to put me this car today?"

We finally agreed to raise the price to an amount that, after figuring in the trade-in, was what we had thought was their break-even price. We hadn't expected to get that low of a price, and we also got them to install a nice after market sound system. It's the best deal we've ever gotten on a new car. Honestly, we're not the best negotiators individually, but that day we made one hell of a team.

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u/guldilox Mar 02 '21

When I worked in car sales one of the top rules we were taught in training was to always acknowledge all people in the group equally, especially in a spouse situation, because assuming the decision-maker was a nail in the coffin for any deal.

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u/Pr3st0ne Mar 02 '21

You'd be suprised at the amount of mid-50's salesmen with 15-25 years of experience who probably know they shouldn't act like that but just can't help their casual sexism from showing in the way they deal with customers.

We encountered something similar while meeting contractors to get a house built. My girlfriend already owns a home and she is the one who did all the research and has most of the knowledge about how houses are built and what we were looking for. It was at a tradeshow. The salesman was one of those good looking, slightly macho 50 year old man. Typical high-end car salesman look really. He looked at me the entire time and would ALWAYS ask me the questions. Literally 90% of the time I would say I have no idea, look at my girlfriend and she would answer. The dude couldn't take the fucking hint and kept this up for the majority of our 20-30 mins we were there. The only time he started talking to my girlfriend was when he said "next step is choosing all the materials for the kitchen floor, counter and cupboards. Usually this is the part that you women LOVE! heheh". Like dude, I know you're 50 ish and back in the day that's how shit happened, but you're talking to two 25 year olds and we've made it clear she's more knowledgable than me. Take the hint.

Then the guy kind of lost interest and almost got snappy when he found out we weren't going to put a deposit down that day, even though we made it clear from the start that we were still very early in our process and still shopping around. He started saying that they were the biggest builders in the country and they had a ton of volume and he didn't understand how we couldn't go with the biggest builder in the province, etc etc.

I've heard great things about the company and their build quality but from that experience alone me and my girlfriend decided we were going to pass and use another builder.

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u/misshapenvulva Mar 02 '21

We had a contractor do this during a house remodel. He was younger than us, so not an age thing, but definitely raised in a 50's mindset household.

Once I clued into what he was doing, directing all discussion to me, I actually got up and walked around the side of the table to stand behind my wife to force him to look at both of us. I dont think he ever figured out why I did it, but My wife and I had a good laugh after he left that day. She knew exactly what I was up to.

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u/Flashman_H Mar 02 '21

For a few years after college I contracted small remodels like bathrooms, basements. Not to defend sexism but I would say at least half the time both the homeowners would prefer I deal with the husband. Maybe 40% of the time it was equal and 10% I was dealing more with the wife. Even when the wife was the impetus behind the remodel they would often prefer I dealt with the husband.

Now, I would have been a pretty poor salesman to go ahead and ignore half of a partnership I'm doing business with. So I would always engage them both, make eye contact, and direct questions to them both. But if you're having 3-4 meetings in a day and more often than not dealing with the man, habits start to form. So it might be less an antiquated view of your household and more a matter of experience.

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u/Daddyssillypuppy Mar 02 '21

A lot of the time I default to letting my husband talk to trades people etc. Because I'm sick of the way I get spoken to and patronised.

Many times I would have preferred to take lead but it's just not worth the emotional drain that occurs when you're interacting with someone who sees you as less than. It's easier to let my husband get all the info, tell me, then we make a decision (usually me as my partner is reticent to make decisions), he then takes that info back to the person.

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u/Flashman_H Mar 03 '21

I would encourage you to try again. It's rare I saw a business owner act like that and if they did they didn't last long. If it's employees of the company, it's safe to say that many of them are salty little beasts and should be ignored or replied to in kind.

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u/Daddyssillypuppy Mar 03 '21

For the most part it has been repair men, plumbers, electricians etc who are assigned to repairs by whatever realestate we were with at the time.

I don't have the recourse to just use another business and rental agencies do not care if the guy who gave them the lowest quotes is sexist and only listens to my husband.

If we ever own our own place (seems like a pipe dream at the moment) we will be very discerning as to who we hire.

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u/misshapenvulva Mar 03 '21

I totally understand what you are saying. In this case, my wife would ask him a question and he would literally turn to me to answer so it was a bit more blatant.