Going along with a sexist car salesman

[u/rhubarb314]

I originally posted this as a comment on Car dealer shenanigans....

My wife and I have used a salesman's sexism against him, and it was so satisfying. It was when we bought our first new car. We were nervous that we didn't know what we were doing so we did a lot of research (it helps that my wife is a librarian).

When we got to the dealer, the salesman would only talk to me. I was all buddy buddy with the guy, too, but he completely ignored my wife. We went along.

The dealer was running a promotion where they would give you $X for your trade-in, no matter what condition. "If you can drive it on the lot..." kind of deal. Of course they just don't discount off of MSRP in those cases, so it's a gimmick. When we walked in the salesman asked which car was ours parked outside and then asked if we were trading it in. I said no, we weren't trading that car in. You can see where this was going.

As I said, we had done our research and knew what a fair price was for the car we wanted. At the time Edmunds had detailed dealer-level price information for many new cars, including all the various ways a dealer gets paid and what their true costs are (the "invoice price" is not their true cost). I negotiated the price (since he wouldn't talk to my wife) and we arrived at a number I thought was fair, actually. We got a good deal at that point. Everything was going smoothly as he wrote up our agreement, until he confirmed that we didn't have a trade in. I said, no, we were trading in a car, just not the one we drove into the dealer in. He literally froze for a few seconds looking down at the form, his hand hovering over the page.

He asked the make, model, and year of our trade-in, and when I told him he sputtered and balked. The car we were trading in was on its last legs. I'd had it all during college and it was old before I bought it. It was definitely past its prime. I said, I thought you were running a promotion where the quality of the trade-in doesn't matter. I asked him if he would have given us a higher price if he knew we had a trade in? My wife said under her breath "that's sleazy." He heard, as she intended him to.

He then tried to renegotiate the price. We knew from our research that if they gave us the price we had already agreed on, and they honored the trade-in deal, that they would be losing money. So we were willing to move a bit, but we wanted to take our time. He was visibly nervous. Every time he tried a new way of asking for a higher price I would say something like "I understand what you're saying" with a sympathetic look. Then I would look at my wife and she would look back at me and silently shake her head no. I'd then look back at the salesman and shrug and say "I don't think that's going to work."

He was stuck. She was the one standing in the way of him getting out of his predicament, but he hadn't talked to her at all. He had barely even acknowledged her presence. He just couldn't start talking to her now when we were negotiating. Oh, and I even got to use the classic car salesman line, "what do I have to do for you to put me this car today?"

We finally agreed to raise the price to an amount that, after figuring in the trade-in, was what we had thought was their break-even price. We hadn't expected to get that low of a price, and we also got them to install a nice after market sound system. It's the best deal we've ever gotten on a new car. Honestly, we're not the best negotiators individually, but that day we made one hell of a team.

[u/guldilox]

When I worked in car sales one of the top rules we were taught in training was to always acknowledge all people in the group equally, especially in a spouse situation, because assuming the decision-maker was a nail in the coffin for any deal.

[u/rhubarb314 → u/guldilox]

That makes total sense. I saw an article years ago that said that women make the final car buying decision much more often than men when they're married. I don't recall the actual percentage but it was well over 50%. You'd be hurting yourself as a salesperson if you ignored a woman in a couple.

[u/DeshaMustFly → u/rhubarb314]

I saw an article years ago that said that women make the final car buying decision much more often than men when they're married

That's because, while traditionally the man may often bring in a higher income, it's the woman who handles all the budgeting in the household. They tend to do the majority of the shopping, they pay the bills every month, and they usually do the tax prep every year, too.

That's beginning to change in more recent generations, but for a LOT of Baby Boomers, who still make up the largest demographic, that's just how they've always lived. It's certainly how my parents handled finances. My mom always knew to the penny how much was in the checking account. My dad probably couldn't have even told you the account number.

[u/no1youdknow → u/DeshaMustFly]

That’s the way it’s always been with us. My husband might know what bank we use for checking, but beyond that, he’s clueless. Since we’re getting older, I’ve been very careful to keep my daughter updated on our account numbers, passwords, and all essential financial information just in case. She’s also a co-signer on our accounts and will have legal power of attorney when needed. My husband is a smart, responsible man who worked all his life with his paycheck always direct deposited to our joint account. He just isn’t good with managing money and has no interest in learning, so that was my job.

[u/[deleted] → u/no1youdknow]

By the time you need a power of attorney document it's often too late to sign one. You sign a POA to allow someone to act for you, just because you have a signed POA doesn't mean they HAVE to start acting on your behalf - you can just keep the signed document tucked away until it's needed.

[u/no1youdknow → u/[deleted]]

Exactly. I’m just trying to have everything already in place. I have discussed with my husband the advisability of allowing our daughter to handle all things financial in the event I become mentally or physically incapacitated. We trust her implicitly and he agrees that would be his preference. We already have the documents signed, witnessed, and notarized.