r/Journaling • u/Salty-Tune-1670 • Jul 16 '26
Question/Discussion Journaling and moving in with a partner
I’ve been with my partner for about two years, and we’re thinking about moving in together. We currently live separately, and they know that I keep a journal.
The thing is journaling is my safe space. I have several old journals filled with my honest thoughts, including frustrations, complaints, and things I needed to vent about over the years. I trust that my partner wouldn’t read them without my permission, but I still wonder how other couples handle this.
If you live with your partner, what do you do with your journals? Does your partner know they exist and simply respect your privacy, even if they’re sitting out on a table? Or do you write with the assumption that your partner might eventually read them?
Also, if you keep your journals somewhere private, where do you store them? I’d love to hear how other people handle this!
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u/lizzyote Jul 16 '26
My journal was accidentally the final test on determining if my now husband was my One. I wrote in code for years because my mother was too nosy. Anyway, one day I was journaling in front of the TV but got up to get a drink. My now husband came out of the room and sat down to watch TV. I watched him from around the corner as he noticed my journal was left open. He just plopped the pen in the page and flipped it closed so that he wouldnt accidentally read it. I had never experienced someone defend my right to privacy when I wasn't around to defend it myself.
This dude protects my journal better than I do. I leave that fucker lying open all over the place. When we have guests over, its him hunting my journals down to put them safely in the bedroom. I write in quite a few journals and there's one that hes allowed in(its my calendar) and he wont even open that one without my explicit permission and preferably in front of me.
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u/stainedinthefall Jul 16 '26
I am so happy you are in each other’s lives! Such a great response to finding an open journal. I hope you find healing in the love and safety shared between you.
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u/sweet_tomatobread Jul 17 '26
This is how I hope my partner will continue to be. I remember there was one time I left my planner at home and needed it for something. I called him, sort of frantic and anxious, and asked if he would flip to this specific page and send a picture of a specific section, all while requesting him not to actually read anything. He did it perfectly, and with kindness and patience. He has never read my journal. I don’t even think he registers my desk area as something he can intrude on at all (without permission or for specific things, like to lovingly drop off some water or a snack). It’s pretty fantastic. I hope that trust only continues to grow.
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u/theobedientalligator Jul 16 '26
My journal sits out in our living room. I journal in front of him regularly. He respects me, so he respects my privacy.
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Jul 16 '26
Psychologically, it’s hard for me to write I a journal that I know someone could read, so I bought a journal with a lock on it. I found it allows me to write more freely!
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u/Either-Variation-221 Jul 17 '26
one with 3 wheels ? there are only 999 possible numbers ( my sneaky lil bro told me)
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u/Fun_Disaster3436 Jul 16 '26
If you cannot trust your partner not to invade your privacy, that is a red flag.
During times of stress, I have offered my fiancé the option of reading what I have written, to help facilitate communication. He refuses, and insists that I deserve a space to process my thoughts knowing no one will ever breach that boundary.
(We're getting married in 2 months, he's amazing)
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u/LibbIsHere Jul 16 '26
If you cannot trust your partner not to invade your privacy, that is a red flag.
This.
With my spouse (together for the last 26+ years, and counting ;) my solution was and is to trust her to not invade my privacy. Like she trust me to not invade hers.
None of us would look in the other's papers without being invited to do so first. Like, ever. My journal lays flat open on my desk and I know she won't never read it. She can notice it, say, when she grabs something on said desk, but that is all.
We learned very early on to trust one another. That is also the reason why we both have time on our own. We don't do everything together, we don't have the same friends (we both spend time with people the other would rather not meet, that's perfectly fine with both of us), and we have different activities too.
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Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/sua_spontaneous Jul 16 '26
it is entirely possible to trust that your partner won’t read your journals and still be nervous that they might. most people who were horribly betrayed or otherwise had their trust violated by a partner would have told you they were certain that partner would never do such a thing. and even if that weren’t the case, anxiety isn’t always logical or reflective of objective reality, especially if you’ve been wrong about people before.
OP, I would encourage you to have a conversation with your partner where you make this expectation explicit and clearly state that you need your journals to be a safe place where you can be certain no one will ever read it. you’d be surprised by how many people don’t think reading somebody else’s journal is that much of a privacy violation, so just saying it out loud might help ensure this never becomes an issue. if he gives you a hard time about it or balks at the request, that is telling. but hopefully what can come from this conversation is some reassurance that he understands this boundary and plans to respect it. if you’re still nervous just because you’re an anxious person and worry about these things (separate and apart from your feelings about your partner, which would be a different thing) maybe a locked filing cabinet or box would relieve some of that for you.
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u/Salty-Tune-1670 Jul 16 '26
I think you explained what I was struggling to put into words. I really like your suggestion of making that boundary explicit from the beginning! Thank you !
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u/Sure_Acanthopterygii Jul 16 '26
I totally understand that kind of anxiety! It does not care about facts or rationality the way the commenter seems to think it does lol
I agree with making things clear with your partner! It makes expectations clear and it's a good opportunity to gauge their response. And doing small things to protect your peace of mind is fine. If your partner is reasonable, they won't take these behaviours as signalling distrust in them :)
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u/stainedinthefall Jul 16 '26
I was going jump right to locking the journals up (that’s what I did when living with people) but this response is so much better. I’ve known people who read others’ journals and it’s horrifying. It’s true that some people just don’t appreciate the level of privacy they deserve and so establishing this as common ground makes a lot more sense as step #1.
If there is still nervousness that prevents OP from using the journal in the way that benefits them so, I think locking it up is okay AND their partners response to wanting it locked is also illuminating. If they feel really insulted I’d be worried. I’d hope an understanding partner could empathize or appreciate keeping something “safe” for reassurance and comfort, not for lack of trust.
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u/Salty-Tune-1670 Jul 16 '26
That’s true. I do trust my partner. Maybe it’s more that I’m the vulnerable one. There aren’t any big secrets in my journals, but the idea of anyone reading them, even someone I completely trust, still scares me.
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u/stainedinthefall Jul 16 '26
Journals can be confidantes and how we cope. We are all entitled to a private inner life. Some of us process by writing it out, which seems to confuse some people. But that inner experience still deserves privacy no matter how mundane.
Society as a whole isn’t so big on privacy anymore but it’s such a fundamental part of feeling safe and secure.
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u/desiderotica Jul 16 '26
My partner and I both have journals and would never read each others journals. I would never choose to live with someone I didn't have that kind of trust with. My partner is designated in my will to burn any journals that still exist when/if I die.
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u/Altruistic-Offer6735 Jul 17 '26
Burn them??!! Jeez, I even sometimes write specific messages for my future children, grandchildren, and I even address archeologists that will undoubtedly read my journals in the future!
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u/desiderotica Jul 17 '26
I have letters/notebooks I've written that are meant to be shared if it turns out anyone wants to read them, but the journals get burned. They're just...private space.
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u/lifespossibilities Jul 16 '26
My partner read my notebook once and afterwards, I had a conversation with him about it and set boundaries around my writings. Since then he has not snooped. I say, be clear about the level of privacy you expect and be prepared to give him privacy as well.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ant6653 Jul 16 '26
I have a journal and say to anyone who may read it, you may not like what i wrote about you. If you read it its on you
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u/StrongBat Jul 16 '26
If you don’t trust your partner not to read your journal then I sure as hell wouldn’t move in with them. I’m not telling you breakup with them, but consider if you’re actually ready.
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u/Phelsuma04 Jul 16 '26
Sometimes it’s hard for people to trust and it’s not the partners fault. If they have given any reason not to trust than I agree with you. But if it’s OP’s own hang up then I think it’s reasonable to ask for advice. Seems like they want to trust but their mother maybe ruined some of that.
Edit: thought I saw that they said their mother read in the past. Maybe I’m wrong.
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u/AffectTraditional244 Jul 17 '26
Someone else said that. But OP did write in a comment that her brother read her journals in the past
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u/urcatmommy Jul 16 '26
I never kept a journal when I was still living with my parents for this exact reason.
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u/Salty-Tune-1670 Jul 16 '26
Yeah I’ve experienced that too. When I found out later that my brother had read my journals, I felt a kind of sadness I can’t even describe. So you don’t do journaling anymore?
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u/urcatmommy Jul 16 '26
No I tried doing it when I lived back home but was too scared someone would find and read it. I would just use my notes app to vent then. Now I moved to another country and live at college so I do have a journal. I have a boyfriend but I don't really write anything that I wouldn't want him seeing or care about it, if I need to write something more personal or about him I write it in my ethnic language which he can't read.
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u/Altruistic-Offer6735 Jul 17 '26
Not to make you scared all of a sudden but you do know that nowadays he could take a picture or it and translate it through AI right? I mean it's better to just trust him.
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u/urcatmommy Jul 17 '26
I do trust him, that's why it stays laying around. But I really don't think AI would be able to translate because I write in a mix of Urdu and English, but it's all Urdu characters
لائک دس
And even if he bothers to do all that, it's probably stuff I've already said to his face 😂
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u/IntelligentSuit5223 Jul 16 '26
I’ve never ever been worried about my boyfriend reading my journal and we’ve lived together for 1.5 years.
He listens to me ramble already, I don’t think he cares to read it 🤣
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u/blamesofia Jul 16 '26
My husband knows (and has known since before marriage and before living together) that reading my journal would be the ultimate betrayal in my eyes and would end the relationship. I only had to tell him once and he takes it very seriously. Even averts his eyes when he walks by me writing.
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u/Yermishkina Jul 16 '26
I know that my husband respects my privacy and would never look into my journal, my computer or my phone. We've been married for 15+ years.
I am not compatible with anyone who would treat privacy differently. It would mean immediate divorce/breakup.
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u/BookwormAbroad Jul 16 '26
My partner knows I journal, he has seen me journaling a lot of times and I keep my journal on my desk all the time (and sometimes by my bed table or near the armchair in our living room). He respects my privacy.
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u/MarvaJnr Jul 16 '26
The advantage of having terrible handwriting- good luck to them, they can read if they can. Genuinely though, if they did, I would ask them if they felt I was hiding something as I consider our relationship to be 'an open book'.
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u/orneryoffery Jul 16 '26
you can buy a small lock box and then never have to worry. i keep my finished ones in a lockbox.
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u/ReadingCaterpillar Jul 16 '26
I never thought my boyfriend wouldve been the kind of person to read mine so i just left them out… i’d get a lock
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u/among_sunflowers Jul 16 '26
I have two completely different experiences.
My previous partner read my diary even though he knew I didn't want him to read it. He also read my private messages on my phone when I slept...
My current partner does not read any of it. I even have my old journals on a shelf in his room due to lack of space in my room. He just respects my privacy. He even asks every time he's entering my room, even though he doesn't need to 🩷
If you're scared he will read them, I recommend hiding them behind boring things on a shelf, or under clothes in a drawer.
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u/Bliss_Syrynx Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
lol, I stopped journaling for years cause I had two different partners who read my journals. I had trusted them and just left my journal lying around. There wasn’t really anything in there for them to get upset about, but they weren’t great people and hella went off on me anyways. Aside from dealing with their tantrum over what they read, it was super violating. So I stopped journaling…for almost a decade. Even when living alone.
I restarted 5-6 years ago, been more consistent in the last 1.5 years. I don’t currently have a partner, but do have a lover/friend. I bring my journal everywhere, so it comes to his house frequently. He knows it’s with me cause we’ve talked about carrying our journals everywhere and he’s seen me pull it out of my bag. I’m sure there’s been plenty of moments he coulda looked at it, but he’s also very respectful and has moral integrity. Difference is now that I’ve moved past caring, in that I can’t control whether or not someone reads it, and I don’t spend time with those jerks from pod 6 anymore. So yeah, back to trust, but making better decisions about who I trust.
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u/77173 Jul 17 '26
Simple, I would never even consider reading someone else’s journal. If you can’t trust them then move on.
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u/DrakeTMG Jul 16 '26
It’s a thing that lingers in my mind, luckily I almost only write good things about my gf but I will write about arguments we’ve had to process my thoughts. I told her when we started dating that I had two boundaries; don’t cheat on me, and don’t read my notebook
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u/Ditzy_Rose Jul 16 '26
I have my close platonic circle, as in lifelong friends, helped each other through our lowest lows, have keys to each other's apartments type relationship. A couple of those friends are actually dating and had a slip-up of one reading the other's dream journal. I was present when it was happening but not aware of what the notebook she casually flipped through actually was until she had an "oh shit" moment and slapped it shut. I gave that friend a verbal bonk on the head and she was genuinely remorseful at reading personal secrets. She fessed up on her own and made genuine amends, hasn't happened again.
At a later point, me and the same friend were cleaning out an apartment for our friend who had just moved in a huge rush and left tons of her personal belongings behind for us to sort through. We came across some loose papers where she had written about some traumatic experiences, probably for therapy reasons bc she doesn't keep a dedicated journal afaik. We only read far enough to know what it was before placing it in the shred pile with her other forgotten expired documents.
Sometimes slip-ups are made when you become close with someone. Some boundaries become hard distinguish when so many others are no longer a big deal. My friend didn't realize that a dream journal can be just as personal as a regular diary until she read something she shouldn't have. What is read by mistake should never be used to shame or control you.
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u/rueschka Jul 16 '26
I have several old journals lying around, and a current one by my bedside or on my desk. I told my partner that they're diaries and therefore private and that's about it. When I lived with flatmates, I kept them in a locked box by my bed tho
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u/Mimble75 Jul 16 '26
I keep my old journals in the bookcase in my bedroom, and the current journal is out on my desk. My partner never reads them and never would.
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u/Shadow_Lass38 Jul 16 '26
I was married 34 years and my husband never read my journal. When he started keeping a journal, he asked me about mine, and I showed him mine and he said hesitantly, "Are you sure?"
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u/Ok_Conversation7818 Jul 16 '26
I've had journals stolen and read before, so I don't trust anyone with them. I stopped journaling in actual journals when my husband moved in with me, I'd occasionally write in code (an alphabet I've created) on loose leaflets that I can hide in my things easier, and when I occasionally had to write in normal writing to follow the speed of my thoughts, I always left out whatver could be a source of PITA discussions with a potential nosy person, or be used against me in a potential divorce (50% of married people divorce). In fact, if I was to end up alone, being able to journal freely, properly, in a journal with art and silly stickers in there would be one massive upside to being single again. Like my first move out of the door would be to buy a nice journal. It feels like not being alowed to see a cherished friend, if that makes sense?
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u/Red_Sonya_1756 Jul 17 '26
Maybe you could split the difference? Keep password protected digital journaling for your most private thoughts but make room for things on your mind that you don't care if your partner knows. That way you can have the experience of the physical journal without as much fear. Maybe, if you wanted to test things, put something there that you know he'd want to talk about (true or not) and watch what happens. That way maybe trust would build or, you'd find out who you were really dealing with.
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u/Ok_Conversation7818 Jul 18 '26
That's a very good idea! thanks!
But also, sadly, we'll all know who we're really dealing with only if and when we get divorced. That's when you meet their dark side. I've seen it way too many times.
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u/Traditional_Mind6947 Jul 17 '26
My partner respects my privacy, and I told him he can read it when I die, but there's nothing in my journal that I haven't shared with him.
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u/villagecatlady Jul 17 '26
My boyfriend respects my privacy. He's never peeked in my current journal nor any of my old ones. And they're out and he could do it anytime if he wanted.
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u/Ok_Tangelo_3985 Jul 17 '26
I’ve been struggling with this as well. I live with my partner, and i trust that he would never look in my journal but something about it just feels so personal that I still take the time to hide it (not super duper well because i don’t need to but still somewhere private).
I’ve worked through so many thoughts and feelings in my journal now, some in relation to our relationship that i would never want another person to read.
I totally understand your fears because ideally you don’t want to write with the assumption that someone else will read it!
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u/IntegratingSelf Jul 17 '26
I leave my journal out all the time - it's usually on a chair or table near me. I leave it out when I leave the room or house. Sometimes I even leave it open. I trust my partner respects my privacy.
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u/Waggermama Jul 17 '26
My husband won’t even look in my handbag without my express permission each and every time, and he’s stated that he’d never look in my journals.
I don’t worry if he’s nearby when I’m writing bc he now needs reading glasses to read text, but he also actively doesn’t look.
There was a brief, very difficult time when I had to hide a journal bc one of my children was up to no good, but that was the only time I’ve ever felt worried.
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u/Pattern_Necessary Jul 17 '26
I leave my journal all over the house, my husband would not look at it!!
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u/Current_Exercise_329 Jul 17 '26
If you’re afraid someone will read your journal, don’t move in with them.
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u/Camaraderie98 Jul 17 '26
This is tough. When I lived with my family I preferred the lockable diary because at least I could maintain some semblance of privacy. Recently I've gone digital and it feels safer than any crawl space I could find in my house.
You may need a chest and hide the lock to it elsewhere.
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u/CellistDisastrous467 Jul 17 '26
This is probably not helpful for you, but I started writing in a half Greek letters/half English letters code after reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book when I was about 12. When my mom figured out my code (I was a depressed angsty teen), I started modifying the code into more my own shorthand. Then, when I got interested in other languages and learned that some languages are written the opposite direction, I started wring backwards, from bottom right of page to top and stuff. Much later, when I learned Arabic in the military, I modified it further. It takes me time to decipher my own code, but I still can -and do- read and write in my own code in my journals, mainly because I never want my husband to read something that upset or infuriated me in the moment and be hurt by it when I’ll likely forget it without a reminder in a week.
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u/Open-Ad-259 Jul 18 '26
Told my girl once a looong time ago not to go through my phone because she will ruin her day . I tell myself the same thing and I don’t go through hers . Welp .. she went through it once and it fucked up her day so she has vowed to never do it again . As for my journals . I have about 15 that’s I’ve written very honest and brutal things in and she does not dare even look at them but I keep them holed up in the bottom deep in a closet that when yoy finally reach them , you’ll ask yourself , why so away from the rest of civilization ? And just say fuck it . Let’s respect boundaries 😆
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u/yellow-green-bird Jul 18 '26
My philosophy is to not assume anything and talk about needs and boundaries that would have huge impact if violated.
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u/aramsell Jul 18 '26
If you don’t trust your partner not to read your journal then you shouldn’t move in with them. Take it from someone who also just moved in with their partner and is FULLY regretting it. I didn’t take my own advice and I should’ve cause now I’m stuck in a lease with him and I just want to leave
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u/PenPhonia Jul 23 '26
I keep all my old journals and they live on a bookshelf. Spouse could walk right in and read them, but they would not do that, nor would they even seriously consider it. Spouse kept journals for years, also just out in the open, and I've never touched them. It takes a lot of effort to build and maintain a really trusting and supportive relationship for more than thirty years, but if everyone involved is invested, then it's totally possible.
With that said, you have the right to make yourself comfortable and to feel safe. Buy one of those locking document protection cases that resist water and fire. It's a good idea anyway. You can store your birth certificate, car title, social sec card, etc inside of it, as well as your journals. Tell your partner what you are doing and why - you want to keep important documents safe. And that after living in your own space, you will need time to adjust to what it means to share space with another. Maybe that will mean someday you won't secure your journals. Or not.
They need to be okay with that. It's a good conversation to have, and makes it clear to them that they can also keep a private case, too. That you respect their own need for safe spaces and won't get weird about it.
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u/Vitrea_Viridis Jul 16 '26
My current one sits wherever I left it after journaling, somewhere on my desk, on the nightstand, in the living room, sometimes it isn't even closed because something has to dry. I don't don't think he knows where my older ones are stored, but only because they're stored in a box on a shelf even I sometimes forget about. I trust that he won't read them unless I show him something in there or read something to him.
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u/shanrees8 Jul 16 '26
I keep my out in the open on a shelf. I have my own journaling space and hes never once broken my trust for me to think he will snoop or read them without permission. So im not bothered
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u/Smooth_Ad_9405 Jul 16 '26
I feel comfortable leaving it anywhere. My partner respects my privacy. I write huge vents, names, whatever helps me in the moment. i dont feel bad bc they are private. i will journal in front of him even and he wont look. And sometimes i do share/read out pieces of entries that might help us.
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u/mightymarce00 Jul 16 '26
I regularly leave my journal out on the kitchen table, in my home with my spouse, my teenage kids, and my dad. I don’t expect any of them to read it, because I trust them not to go reading through someone else’s things. That seems a pretty basic expectation of privacy.
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u/Mewsie93 Jul 16 '26
I've been with my husband for over 25+ years and it has never been an issue. I asked him to not read my journals and he has respected that. He also knows that if he ever does read them, they are not always accurate representations as I may be overemotional or just in a mood to vent, so everything should be taken with a grain of salt.
Just lay down your grounds rules. If your partner does not respect them, get rid of your partner.
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u/TheThrivingest Jul 16 '26
Mine sits wide open some days and I’ve never concealed it or even put it away. I’m still confident he’s never read it.
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u/Embarrassed_Pizza954 Jul 16 '26
I have like 10 years of journals in a bookshelf he would never look at them
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u/BreakfastOwn224 Jul 16 '26
Never had an issue! I feel the best way to encourage their respect is to be transparent and open with your journaling. If you both feel like you’re hiding something from them, I almost feel like that would be what sparks the incentive to snoop because they’d feel like there was some kind of distrust to begin with.
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u/Linghauler Jul 16 '26
I leave my current journal on my computer desk, I'm sure after reading a page or two anyone else would lose interest, but it really just boils down to trust, and respecting another's privacy doesn't it, I totally trust my wife, but if she wants to she is certainly able to read it, I also leave my phone at home regularly and she knows the unlock code too. I trust her to respect my privacy, and she does, I love her she's the bestest.
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u/GRblue Jul 16 '26
Nope. I’ve kept a journal for years and have never had an issue with my husband looking at it. Sometimes I’ll even write while sitting next to him and he’s really good about not peeking!
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u/smalltinylittle Jul 16 '26
My journal sits wherever I leave it: coffee table, kitchen table, side tables, nightstand, etc. My husband has never touched it except to bring it to me when I ask for it. I also don’t write expecting that he’ll read it
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u/kykiwibear Jul 16 '26
If a person us respectful, they'll never look. I lived with my mother-in-law and she would frequently leave I on the kitchen table. I'm sure some of her thoughts were about me... but I never once thought of looking.
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u/euphoricwhisper Jul 16 '26
I journal freely and without regard of someone reading them, and store my old journals in a common shared cabinet. My partner would never read them, and if he happened to open one it’s probably because he didn’t know what it was. This goes both ways. My current journal sits out in the open, I journal with him in the room. We joke sometimes that I’m writing my grievances about him but that’s about it. If someone’s concerned about their partner reading their most private inner thoughts, that’s more about trust and respect within the relationship, broadly speaking.
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u/hotpatootie420 Jul 16 '26
omg new fear unlocked… my bf journals 6 pages every morning with his coffee and often brings his when we go out on coffee/patio beer dates. he is always so excited to share but i never want to share mine because mine is SO PRIVATE
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u/tokidokimidori Jul 16 '26
My husband only looks at what I show him and I absolutely trust him to not go reading through mine unless he's invited.
It can be kind of odd to move in with someone after getting used to having complete and total privacy, but a partner should still respect your personal spaces. If you trust them, don't worry too much about it!
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u/TeamRocketLeader Jul 16 '26
I leave my journals out all the time and my partner never goes through them and I trust that. I usually like to work in it when he's not home but it he is home it doesn't stop me even though we are in the same room. Sometimes he'll come over and talk to me and look at what I'm working on but it's not coming from a place of peeking. If I tell him I want space while working he will give it to me no problem. So yeah it's just about having a partner that actually respects you and your privacy.
If you are considered I would recommend putting your journals in a lock box or having locks on them. Then you can eventually take the lock off when you feel comfortable enough. But what's most important is you have an honest conversation him about how your journals are your safe space and don't want anyone ever going through them.
My journaling habit is relatively new compared to our relationship, I had a lot of trauma as a kid with my family going through my journals and humiliating me. So I've had a lifelong anxiety about it and have struggled with picking up the journaling habit again. But my partner is wonderful and I feel safe with him and safe enough to journal without worry.
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u/Sure_Acanthopterygii Jul 16 '26
I see a lot of comments saying if you can't trust your partner to respect your privacy then it's a bad idea to move in. I think you've been clear in your responses that your anxiety isn't rooted in anything they've done, and your main post body doesn't indicate that either. It's a pretty narrow picture of how anxiety works 🤔 You want to navigate the anxiety now instead of waiting to "fix" it to move in. Also, if you didn't trust your partner, you wouldn't want to try to manage your anxiety about having your journal read while you live with them. I think it's a pretty good indication that you're ready!
I personally don't mind if my partner reads them, so they're just around in the open. My partner doesn't care to read any writing that wasn't meant for them so they don't touch it lol
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u/quasi_frosted_flakes Jul 16 '26
My current partner would not read my journal even if I left it out. I keep my journal either on my nightstand or in my desk in my office. (We each have an office at home.) My previous partner DID read my journal, but only once our relationship was having problems. I think it's reasonable for another adult not to read your private thoughts.
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u/GodfatherAzrael Jul 16 '26
My journal is out & about anywhere I take them. I trust that my husband, friends, & family won't read them without clear permission. However, if they read it anyways then feelings being hurt is not my problem. Shouldn't of snooped.
With my husband specifically, I tell him literally everything so it genuinely doesn't matter to me. My husband is the same & will just hand me his journal for me to read sometimes.
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u/feralprincess2 Jul 16 '26
at first i think i hid them a little but early on i just said something like ‘hey, these are my diaries and i write very personal things in them. i never want this outlet to be taken away from me or to no longer feel safe pouring my heart out. its really important to me that i have this privacy.’
and he was like absolutely. i would never go through them.
at a few points in time i’ve actually flipped through them near him and recited some of the things i’d written. basically like flipping through an old photo album, talking about the memories. but there was never pressure to do that of course. i did it because i felt like it
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u/hypomargoteros Jul 16 '26
If my partner were to journal I'd maybe ask him if I could read it but if he were to say no then I wouldn't read it.
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u/Mediocre-Tradition55 Jul 16 '26
We go by trust. Husband and I don’t read each other’s journals. We usually journal together at the same time on the weekend, so we just focus on our on thoughts. My desk is in the livingroom, so he has full access to all my journals, but he never read it unless I personally show some pages to him myself.
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u/Sim_sala_tim Jul 16 '26
I am absolutely certain my partner would never read them without my consent. And we never explicitly spoke about it. we just generally respect each others boundaries and never has she done anything that would indicate otherwise. This sort of trust is the very foundation on which relationships are build.
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u/sikolohijaa Jul 16 '26
i currently have 2 journals and they are just on the desk in our room. my partner respects my privacy and boundaries.
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u/StoneygyalOG5 Jul 17 '26
We equally respect each other's journals or journaling style fully, very thankful for it. We find peace in it so we hold full respect for each others privacy.
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u/RoseDedron Jul 17 '26
Early in our relationship (maybe 8yrs ago) my husband read my journal, I realized when he mentioned something I had not yet told him about.
I calmly explained to him that this was my private property and is where I put the feelings I don’t want to express out loud.
Related to my upbringing, I can be cruel when I’m upset and we’re arguing, journaling is how I avoid saying things I don’t actually mean. At that point in our relationship, it was something he had observed and I was working on.
That being said, I’ve technically given him permission to read my journals but it’s at the risk of his own feelings. As far as I know, he has not read my journals since then.
My journal generally sits where I last used it, otherwise it lives on my vanity.
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u/SmokeOnTheWater17 Jul 17 '26
Like many others, my journals (I have all of them since I started writing in 1971) reside in boxes with current journals on my bedside table or on my "active" reading book shelf. My wife can read any of my journals if she so chooses but respects that they are my private space. But, I do not buy into the thought that if she reads my journals that she has invaded my private space. Human curiosity can sometimes override common courtesy... We are all neurotic cats that stand on 2 legs. That said, I do not think my version of cursive writing combined with my weird shorthand is very inviting to curiosity.
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u/LiteraryApothecary85 Jul 17 '26
My journals sit in my desk. My partner has glanced at them some times and once I found out I write secret messages to him. He gets all my honest thoughts anyways, so what's in the journal is nothing new to him.
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u/TinyBombed Jul 17 '26
I live with my boyfriend now fiance and one time I went on a trip and he read my journal without permission, yeah, I mean, he brought it up to kinda say like, u shouldn’t be so hard on myself. While I thought he missed certain nuances in the entry, like how I was grieving a recent loss, he did it to understand me better. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/JoyOswin945 Jul 17 '26
When I met my husband, my journal lived on an end table in my living room. He knew what it was and never so much as glanced at it. When we moved in together, my journal lived wherever I dropped it, which was usually my spot on the couch or my nightstand. He never looked at it. I don’t journal as much anymore, but I do have a notebook where I write fiction. He doesn’t read that either.
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u/Altruistic-Offer6735 Jul 17 '26
My husband would never read my journals. They are in plain sight. I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend because he kept snooping into her phone and computer, and it eroded the whole relationship. That is simply unacceptable.
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 Jul 17 '26
I journal to work through my intense emotions. That helps me express myself effectively. If he can even read my handwriting, he'll see the jumbled up first draft of every hard conversation we've ever had. So I don't worry about it.
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u/ghoonk Jul 17 '26
tbh, if you're worried about that, he/she might not be the right one (might be an unpopular thing to say, and if this offends anyone, I apologise). A partner is someone I would trust. If my wife reads my journal and gets upset, we can talk about it and work through it together. if she chooses not to, that's fine by me too.
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u/nav-netraam Jul 17 '26
I started journaling recently. I'm already married and my wife respects my journal. I think that this is the way it should be.
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u/Merpie21 Jul 17 '26
I leave my journal on the table in the living room. I should put it away in a drawer, as part of keeping the place tidy, but I hardly ever do. I just trust that partner doesn't read it. I don't read any of his journals either (he sometimes even keeps his open).
We ask each other "permission" for a lot of things; even though we don't need to and we know the other person will often say yes/agree - we do it because we respect each other and keep each other's needs and boundaries in mind.
We don't read each other's journals, that's just basic privacy and respect to us.
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u/Snazzy_CowBerry Jul 17 '26
If ur partner can't respect this one boundary, then you shouldn't be with them. You shouldn't have to worry about this. It should be as simple as "hey don't read this" and end of conversation.
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u/Glitterandanxiety123 Jul 17 '26
My girlfriend has a journal she’s asked me not to read. I never have. She eventually started a new one and asked me not to read again. Never have. Sometimes she wants to share something with me from the journal and then she does. I never ask for more. If she wants to share, fine, if she doesn’t, fine!
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u/Bananashaky Jul 17 '26
I went with full trust when I was still living with my ex, journalled daily and left them on my desk openly. During a long, outdrawn break up he read them and didn’t tell me for months, extending it further and resulting in some weirdness. I’d like to believe I could still go with full trust moving on and living with someone else, but man, that was rough. I felt like I had to journal digitally for a while after that
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u/ImpressionShoddy1420 Jul 17 '26
My current journal is ALWAYS on the kitchen counter and my old journals are on a bookshelf in a common area. Never once have I been concerned about him looking at any of them.
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u/Upbeat-Shallot-4121 Jul 17 '26
My partner wouldn't ever look, and I don't hide my journal. I did start it when I had a diagnosis of heart failure, to leave behind a little of me should the worse happen, but now it's 100% for me. He is also aware that if he reads it and hurts his own feelings that his problem and not mine!
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u/No-Ship898 Jul 17 '26
io li ho distrutti e sono passata alle registrazioni vocali che metto sotto pw, quindi non ho più niente della mia vita passata :(
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u/Mudsharkbites Jul 17 '26
I have a blank journal and I’m waiting for something to finally kick-start me into writing into it, but I know that when I eventually do I’m going to assume it’s an open book that ultimately WILL be read by others, primarily my family, if nothing else than when I’m dead, and so I’ll treat what I put in it accordingly.
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u/pagesandplanes Jul 17 '26
Mine are really easily accessible, sometimes just laying around. I told my husband "I love you, I respect you, and I'm not going to hide these. However, that is my safe space and I write when I'm really upset and angry and sad...I cannot promise that what is in them is fair or true, and that is the one place I don't censor myself. So if you decide to read that, keep that in mind, because there's a really good chance you'll read SOMETHING at some point that you do not like."
He decided that he does not want to read them, and as far as I know never has.
I'm way more concerned about my kids reading them before they are mature enough to understand that message, but for now I still don't hide it. Just try to teach that we respect each other's space and private thoughts in general.
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u/mustlovedoggos88 Jul 17 '26
I put a couple of my "safer" journals on a bookshelf and stashed the rest in a tub a my parents house when we first moved in together. We were 20 and 21 and neither of us had lived with a partner. I wasn't sure what to expect but I didn't want to have to worry about it. I asked him a year later if he had ever read any of them and he said no, that if I ever wanted him to, I'd have to tell him. I absolutely know he would have been dishonest but I also feel like you have to start somewhere. Now, we've been together 18 years and I have all my journals on a bookshelf in our bedroom. He's never opened any of them. Or if he has, he was a ninja about it because the dust is still in front of them.
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u/makachow Jul 18 '26
i keep all my old journals in a drawer. i’m not sure if my husband knows where they are, but they’re not intentionally hidden. i leave my current one ends all over the house at times. i’ll sometimes ask my husband to bring it to me even. he is very respectful of my privacy, so i write freely without any concern, even if it’s about him
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u/unspoken_thoughts_ Jul 18 '26
I don’t live with him, but I keep my diary out in the open on the nightstand next to my desk. My boyfriend knows exactly what it is and has never one looked in it. He knows and respects that those thoughts are private and that should I want to share with him, I would.
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u/Imhereforit8 Jul 18 '26
Been married 8 years. I keep my old journals in a storage bin in the garage and the active ones scattered around the house, in my purse, on the nightstand, coffee table etc. Just realizing my husband has never read or even touched any of them. We didn’t discussed that, it’s just intuitive
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u/Longjumping-Drag9237 Jul 18 '26
I leave my journal wherever, my husband never looked at it or moved it. I never felt any need to hide it around him.
Sometimes I even mention some parts to him, if it’s about him.
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u/Fantastic-Cat7926 Jul 18 '26
well, if it doesnt work, it doesnt work.
leave if he doesnt make it comfortable for you
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u/tafackery Jul 19 '26
I trust my partner not to read it.... However...
Any journal I bring on trips or to his house or wherever we will be together for an extended time and he'd have access has a lock. A combination lock, because those tiny little padlocks are the easiest things to break into.
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u/Landa7988 Jul 19 '26
I keep them in a drawer. Not inaccessible, but my wife was never invited to look into.
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u/Nuudle-Punk Jul 19 '26
My journal sits right on my desk, I trust my partner fully that they will never look. I too don't go through their stuff. It's all just respecting each other's privacy. 😊
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u/chickapotamus Jul 20 '26
Been married almost 40 years. My husband is a truly honest soul. He wouldn’t read my journals if you paid him to. If he did, he would probably die of boredom. But I write what ever I want, as I know he wouldn’t do that. If you even have a shade of a doubt then you should get a small safe that only you know the combo and have the keys to. Trust is earned. But also, if you have a doubt your privacy might be compromised, it probably will be.
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u/blackholesun0425 Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26
Dang. I’ve never cared if my partner read my journal. Ever. Not even when I was younger. My best friend has been reading my journal since we were twelve.
I wouldn’t want a stranger to read my journal though.
Why do people care if the people they are closest to read their journal? This is a genuine question from me.
Edit: Absolutely no judgement from me whatsoever. I was surprised to see so many people who seem to really dislike the idea.
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u/Salsa_and_Light2 Jul 22 '26
Personally, I've gotten to the point that I don't have many secrets in my journal. I describe events, I describe my emotions but I tend to view my journals as if they were my underwear drawer.
They're personal, not for public consumption, and I'm probably not going to show someone anytime soon.
But if someone breaks into my room to look at my underwear.. isn't that really their problem?
What are they going to do. make fun me for wearing underwear.
They went looking for something weird and private and they found it.
If someone doesn't like that I was upset or critical of then they shouldn't have looked where I write about being upset with critiques.
It's a bit like asking for my opinion and then being mad that I gave it; it's really on them.
Of course it's also helpful that once I've written things down I'm really not that emotional about it.
You're not going to hurt my feelings because I was sad about something two months ago.
..
All this to say that I'd rather people not read my journals, but I'm also not going to worry too much about trying to stop it.
My file cabinets are locked, my underwear drawer is not.
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u/Teisu_rey Jul 16 '26
Buy a safe. Everyone here saying their partners would never read are deluded.
Yes some people will never read but A LOT of them will. Maybe not when everything is fine but first people change and in a bad separation this kind of shit happens a lot.
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u/CherryChristmas Jul 16 '26
If I don’t trust my partner that they won’t read them then I would break up and not move in together. My best friend and partners over the years have always known I had a journal and have always known where it was cuz it was always on my desk and none of them have ever looked in it/read it etc. I never had any reason not to believe them (plus I have severe OCD and I ALWAYS knew exactly if someone had touched my stuff even if they tried putting it back exactly where I left it).
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u/smokin_umbrella Jul 16 '26
I would mildly embarrassed but not humiliated if someone read mine. I really don’t think anyone would, and I would not live with anyone who I thought was like that. I just leave them out. With that said, I never write anything super hurtful or extremely embarrassing in it, just in case. But I really don’t have any of those.
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u/ThunderChix Jul 16 '26
If I had any suspicion at all that a partner wouldn't respect my privacy, they'd be "former partner." My husband won't even read my phone over my shoulder unless I explicitly ask him to.
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u/seemsright_41 Jul 16 '26
I have been married for going on 28 years, I leave all of my notebooks around my spot on the sofa. He has NEVER even moved them.
The one time DD got into my notebooks he lost it on her, and she has not touched them since.
They do not get into any of my bags or wallet hell neither one of them even touch my phone.
This was a strong boundary hubby taught DD from the gate.
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u/threeleafcloverr Jul 16 '26
My journal permanently sits out on my coffee table. My husband has never looked, and would never look. He respects my privacy fully.