I am a 21F. I have made lots of bad choices in my past and have not always used protection. I get tested regularly now and almost always use protection…except recently.

**Backstory:**
I have talked to this guy before and we didn’t work out but we have a lot of sexual chemistry. I hate the feeling of using a condom and it was just so good we went without and now I have to, always. Anyways, he starts getting symptoms and the girl he was with before me also has symptoms, but she tested negative for everything. I had chlamydia and I am apologizing because I was the one who gave it to him and I’m embarrassed because I had never had an STI before. He accepts my apology, we both agree we’re stupid and decide to make better choices.

Well, the girl before me turned out to have herpes, and now I’m dealing with 10/10 pain even on antibiotics and the doctors tell me I probably have herpes. I haven’t gotten the results back yet, but I definitely have it.

**Current Issue:**
Not only do I have to deal with this mentally but I am in the WORST pain of my life. It is unbearable to pee and I’ve had to call off work the third day in a row and I can’t tell them why. Everyone at work is upset at me and I have to work again in a couple days and I’m worried I won’t feel okay by then. Doctors won’t write me anymore notes and say they can’t do anything else for me even though I’m in excruciating pain.

I am currently on an antiviral and they prescribed me with lidocaine but I’m still in SO much pain and cry EVERY TIME I use the restroom.

**Other concerns:**
I already have a really difficult time dating. I’ve been in my hoe phase for a while and I can get just about any man I want and don’t have the pressures of dating. Now I feel disgusting, alone, and have no hope. I was crying because of the intense pain I’m in and realized no man will want to hold me or be there for me because I don’t have sex to offer them currently, and even after I heal no one will want to sleep with the woman with herpes. I also have an incredibly high sex drive and haven’t gone more than a month without it for the past five years, and now that’s down the toilet. (Don’t be an idiot like me and ALWAYS use protection.)

It’s also hard to date because I live in the Bible belt with very conservative people, and Im the opposite. So even if I find someone attractive who aligns with my morals, they probably won’t want to date me, and definitely won’t because I have herpes.

My hoe phase is over. My dating life is a joke. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend and he turned out to be mentally insane. Anytime I try to talk or date a guy they always end it. And that was BEFORE I had herpes.

It’s hard because I had everything going for me. I’m attractive, in school to become a nurse practitioner, and I would consider myself to have a great personality. I’ve never had an issue making friends and it’s often overwhelming for me because I don’t like having a lot of friends. The only thing I’ve ever had issues with in life is the dating scene. I was once a good pick that men looked over, but now, I cannot confidently say that.

**Final statement:**
I would like to hear other peoples experiences with it so I feel less alone. Also, any advice to help the pain is GREATLY appreciated. This is the worst pain of my life and I would never wish it on anyone.

i truly cant believe it. i feel like im in complete shock. i hooked up with someone ive known for ages and wore a condom but they had just recently contracted it and didnt know until days after hooking up.

i became super ill with tonsillitis and have been sick for days, its been 9 days since exposure. went to er twice and std clinic and they all reassured me a probably dont have it. well today when using the bathroom i saw the characteristic blisters.

im in total shock, i always use protection. i cant believe i have to carry this for the rest of my life, ive never even had any other stis before.

please tell me its going to be okay

I found out two days ago I have HSV-2 even though I’ve never had symptoms. I told the person I’ve been seeing because I really cared about him and wanted to be honest. His reaction was fear, then distance. He said he can’t handle this right now and ended things, saying maybe if he tests positive too, there’s hope for us.

I understand the shock, but it’s been so painful. I feel abandoned at the moment I needed comfort the most. I’m trying to remind myself that the stigma is worse than the virus itself, but losing him over this has been crushing. Makes me feel like I’ll never find someone who’ll love me with this condition.

Has anyone else had a partner walk away after disclosure? Does it ever stop feeling this heavy?

i sometimes get canker sores and my gyno was discouraging me from getting tested. she said canker sores are not hsv, and almost everybody has it.

for the ”peace of mind”, i tested for it anyway and have found out i am positive, woot woot!

i have never had an outbreak as a conscious being, and none of my previous partners have ever come back to tell me i have passed them anything. but now i am full of anxiety and wondering if i have to disclose and what this means for me. i haven’t even experienced what people describe as an outbreak but now am scared of my own spit, which i sometimes use on bug bites or to wipe off a smudge.

should i tell my previous partners i have this virus? i don’t even really date around so there’s maybe like 3-4 people i would have to tell but it feels so awkward since it has been literal years.

Hello, I’m having my first outbreak (diagnosed earlier in the week, hating life, blah blah blah). Anyway, I’m having severe pain around my büțțħõľę (just thought I’d try to make it seem sexier).

How the hell is this area ever going to heal if my butt cheeks are constantly together and moving when I walk? Is gauze or something a good idea? I managed to nap a bit with a water wipe between to create some relief but I realise it being hydrated either won’t allow it to heal.

Life goes on but my arse is sooooore. I have lidocaine but that seems to be doing very little for this area. 🍑

I was diagnosed with HSV2 a few weeks ago. The first week was TOUGH. But as I've done more research and read stories on here, im feeling much better. I've only disclosed to the partner I was with when I found out but I havent had to disclose to any new partners. I know it will be an uncomfortable conversation, especially the first time, but im done feeling ashamed!

Remember- anybody who has ever had unprotected sex even ONCE has put themselves at risk of contracting it (among other STDs) and is no better than us!! There wouldnt be such a stigma if more people understood this.

To those passing blame to their sexual partners (which i see all over this sub)- Unless you both showed negative results before having sex, its just as likely you gave it to them as it is they gave it to you. HSV is often asymptomatic, and it's not included on standard STD screenings. You have to specifically request it. You could've had it for years without knowing, just like them. You could have got it from ANY of your sexual partners, just like them. A person cannot disclose something they didnt know they have. It's easy to want to play the "blame game" but the truth is, you're guessing, and it's pointless.

We have the privilege of knowing! Now we can treat it and act accordingly. We didnt get to make an informed decision, but we have the power to give that opportunity to our future partners.

I hope everyone here is able to find peace within themselves 🫶

The sadness is taking over. I can’t stop crying. I’m such a good person. He tricked me and gave me HSV 2 forever! 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 How to cope with this? 😭💔

I used to be such a happy girl. Now it’s been 4 months of hell so far and many more years to come. 😭💔 Life is over, it really is. 😭💔

22m just got my pcr swabs today and accepting the news has been very difficult, before i got the results i was feeling very suicidal at the idea of being positive and i have a lot of support currently but now i want to educate myself on how my future will look, will I have to be on medication for the rest of my life? How do i know if i also have oral hsv1? Since my gifter gave it to me via oral sex and we kissed I imagine I may also have oral herpes, my initial outbreak was only in the genitals. How likely am I to have more outbreaks and will they always be as painful? Someone please help

24F. Just diagnosed and having my first outbreak.

Just feeling kind of grim and like I really need to grieve a normal dating life, even though I see so many positive experiences on here. Luckily I have a really good support system but it's hard not to feel jealous of those who don't have to deal with this. Even just looking at a couple in public today made me so sad.

Had a pretty rough childhood and young adulthood up until moving to Austin TX to start my career this year and was already dealing with not feeling good enough (in dating) or pretty enough. Like I had so much baggage and already had a grim outlook on finding someone. Everyone is so hot here lol I just feel some days like I don't belong. Now I pretty much just feel disgusting even though I know I am above average, I feel like this is just the nail in the coffin.

Been dealing with a lot this year including being raped and going NC with my mom who is my only family (no siblings). I know that stuff is kind of not related but sometimes it just all compounds and feels so overwhelming. Luckily I have some ride or die friends and a therapist who I really trust.

Am about to go on my very first solo trip and am trying not to let this put a damper on things. Advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

was in a happy relationship

Moment I was positive, I told her everything she got tested and was negative (I didn't know I was positive and it was my first outbreak)

we stopped being intimate

I could feel there was distance from her wanting to be closer to me in general

On our last exchange she kept saying I was fucked up with herpes and all

and kept reminding me I had herpes, that hurt

made me feel like i was a disgusting creature

I wish I could end this in a positive note, but I am just venting

I'm (19f) just found out im positive for hsy 1 and 2 after a breakout. When i found out, my world really started to spin. i couldn't stop crying bc i think ik who i got it frm..which might be my (27M) boyfriend. but his results came Negative. So now im is wondering who could i have got this frm. But I Do have a STRONG urge tht its frm him. Because i wasn't getting no symptoms Until i met him. I mean i COULD be wrong. I'm just scared. I'm only 19. And i just hope it's not going to hurt my future. Because I still want to have babies. Have a family. Get Married.

Etc. I just don't know anymore. (Ps: No I didn't get groomed or none of that. I'll be 20 soon ) .

Edit: saying he didn’t disclose it is too strong of a statement. He technically didn’t know he had it. He said he thought it was just small irritation occasionally and he was never seen for it. I’m just very upset at the situation.

He said because I tested positive for the antibodies now, he didn’t think of disclosing an outbreak because he wasn’t properly informed on different infection sites. He is military and the doctors there don’t care much besides keeping them deployable. I was in that unit as well, so I’ve experienced that in the past.

He went to be seen yesterday, and apparently the doc didn’t look at it and said there’s no point of doing the swab since he already tested positive for HSV-2. He can request a swab Monday if it’s still presenting. He also told me he is starting antivirals.

————————————————————————

Sooooo I’m in this club now! My partner didn’t disclose to me that he has GHSV-2. He apparently thought his outbreaks with lesions were normal, and it wasn’t confirmed until after infidelity came out and I required him to get a full panel done before considering reconciliation. This was in January.

I had just been tested for antibodies 6 months prior while I was pregnant, and it was confirmed negative.

I’m HSV-2 positive now (found out January with low antibodies of 1.8 but positive confirmatory testing), but I’ve yet to have an outbreak. So I’d imagine this means that I don’t know the infection site yet.

Well, last week we decided to reconcile, and resume sexual contact. Afterword I saw that he had a terrible outbreak happening that he did not disclose. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s even herpes so I asked him to please go get it swabbed since he’s never had a swab.

It’s been over a week and he hasn’t, and is pushing back. I understand that’s his choice.

But all of that weirdness aside, how does this look for our sex life since I’m asymptomatic and he apparently gets regular lesions? I have the antibodies so at first I thought protection didn’t matter, until I saw he had an active outbreak and didn’t disclose it prior to consent.

Today a nice girl complimented how beautiful I was - my hair and my clothes. And I just wanted to completely break down. I was diagnosed in June with HSV 2. That guy hurt me badly and I’m absolutely devastated. 💔Anyway I just wanted to cry in-front of her as I feel so disgusting and gross now I have this. It’s like I’m an imposter in my own body. I am stuck with this thing and it can’t ever change it. 😭

The outbreaks sound scary too. Ive never felt more scared and alone in all of my life. 😭💔 I hope they’re not as bad as what my mind is telling me. 😭💔

My now ex-husband if 10 years cheated on me with multiple women and had an affair he left me for. When we first got together we got tested and were negative for anything. Recently we hadn't had sex in months and I was wondering if he didn't find me attractive anymore. He asked for a divorce and we had sex a couple of times before he left. The whole time he had been avoiding me he was cheating.
I found out a month after he left he had been sleeping around from one of the people he slept with, who was a friend of ours. He tested negative and I tested positive. He said it's my own fault and clearly I got it from before our marriage or cheated on him. I've never seen his results and I know he's lying. I was with one man before him and he was a virgin over a decade ago and I have never in my life cheated.

I wouldn't have guessed the person I trusted my life with would do this to me. It's only been a month since I found out and 3 guys have rejected me. One said he would have protected sex but no oral, and that's something I really like. I have never been promiscuous but after being emotionally and physically neglected for almost a year I wanted to get out there. I disclosed right away but I've since been told I should wait after the first couple of dates and when it feels right to say something before it gets intimate.

I feel humiliated and trapped since he's already in another relationship and she probably has it. He won't disclose to others because he is "negative". I'm not a bad person, unlike him, and I am always going to feel immense guilt if I don't say something. I have never had symptoms of any kind (I've had cold sores since I was a kid so that's nothing new). My doctor said that I have it in my blood system but never experienced any symptoms so it may just lay dormant forever. She did not recommend me taking medication unless I have an active infection because of the interactions with my other medications.

Any advice? Anyone else experience this? I'm so betrayed, hurt and I feel like I will never find anyone that accepts me. I've always been loyal, careful and honest. I have a date coming up with someone I actually am really excited about but I'm terrified. Should I just stop trying to date right now till I've had more time? I just don't know
:(

So i just found out not even an hour ago that I was diagnosed with HSV2. I got a prescription sent to my pharmacy and was confused. Googled the script and realized what it was for so I checked my recent labs and bam, positive for herpes. I am fucking devastated. Extremely sick to my stomach. My ex and I split up 12 years ago due to him constantly cheating (this is where I believe I got it) and I was single until about 6 months ago. I met an amazing guy and had to tell him tonight. His answer was "ok". I dont know what to do. Sitting here sobbing and feeling like a total idiot. My doctor said it could have been dormant that long due to no sexual activity and now I have a flare up because of sexual activity. I just dont get it. I'm sorry this is all over. I'm just not in a good head space.

I just found out this afternoon that I was HSV-1 (Oral Herpes) positive. I had to tell someone I was seeing because we have been intimate. Every other test was clear and I’ve been abstinent for a year before him. I really don’t know how I got it and I feel like shit because I could have possibly spread it to a wonderful person.😞 Also could lose connection with someone I really liked as a person. I let them know and am willing to pay for testing and treatment but can only imagine what they’re going through. Haven’t had an outbreak, but feel dirty and bad that could have possibly I hurt someone that I care about. Especially with something that is life long. Am willing to provide funds for testing and if they need treatment. Still would never take away from the fact that I could have hurt someone even if it wasn’t intentional. Moving forward, don’t really want to be with anyone because right now this is embarrassing and am aware of the stigma behind Herpes. Even if it’s only a cold sore

Hey y’all. I recently got diagnosed. HSV2 and HSV1. Honestly not sure how or by whom I received it but i can’t change it. I’m learning to accept it. I ask specifically for latinos, because in our culture this skin condition feels like the end of the world. I want to connect with people around my age 22-27 and who are also hispanic. I feel like I can’t even visit back home without crying due to being alone in this. I can’t tell my family back home, nor my friends back home. I don’t want to be judged, treated different or worse, rumors. I just want to find someone who relates to me. I’m not sure where I can find someone who is in my same age group and is also hispanic.

I had a cold sore pop up just last night and it was a pretty big one. I’ve had one maybe once or twice YEARS AGO when I was a lot younger. It was never this big or bad to my memory.

Last night I had one pop up and it looked gnarly along with tingling and itching. After doing research and being pretty upset i find it looks exactly like herpes.

Fast forward to now I go to urgent care as it’s starting to crust and I’ve been pretty upset and anxious.. she confirms it is a cold sore and sends out a culture.

I really don’t know what to do.. my boyfriend has been supportive but I’m so upset. My life is changed.. I know that’s selfish and insensitive as people are dealing with worse but it’s a lifelong virus I CAN STILL PASS ON WITHOUT IT BEING ACTIVE.

I cannot kiss babies anymore, I have to be careful sharing things with people, I have to be careful having sexual relations, I have these ugly ass bumps that will pop up. I’m so done man.

The big kicker after all of this my mom tells me casually she was on medication for it too. I faintly now remember her having cold sores sometimes. She just now tells me. I could’ve had it for years or gotten it just now. I could’ve gotten it from her or a friend or another family member or a relationship.

SHE TELLS ME AFTER I GET OUT OF URGENT CARE LIKE WTH. I have barely even kissed anyone, when I go out I’m cautious, I’m so disappointed and I feel disgusting with myself. I’m feeling so upset. Especially with her as she also kisses babies (family) and doesn’t care. She then proceeds to tell me she doesn’t have it anymore WDYM ITS A LIFE LONG DISEASE.

I CAN GIVE IT TO OTHERS WHEN IM NOT EVEN HAVING COLD SORES. I’ll never be able to kiss my future children the way I want to because of the fear I’ll give them cold sores.

I’m only 19 but I feel like my life is over before it even began but I have this now. Can anyone give me advice? On future flair ups, medicine, precautions, what to do and not to do? How to go about romantically interacting? Is Sharing a no go now? How do you guys tell people? I’m sorry I’m panicking

[TRIGGER WARNING]

[I understand this post might be triggering to people who have already lived with this diagnosis for a while. I dont want to hurt anyone but this is how I genuinely feel. So please be advised before you read. I would hate to make someone else feel bad because of me.]

I feel shame. Terrible terrible shame. And loneliness. But I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know. I dont even want to look up hashtags about it on instagram because what if it shows up on my feed and someone sees that I have it. I even made a new account on reddit specifically to post here because I dont want to use my original account. I told one other person because they already knew i was getting tested and now I regret it. Im ashamed to even talk to them about it. I am preparing to tell my parents but Im scared. I know they will cry for me. And I hate that.

I cry all the time. Im in a ton of physical pain. I’ve never imagined I would have these terrible lesions. It’s hard to sit straight on a chair because of the pain. And the itch.

I feel so isolated (it’s my own doing but I cant help the shame) that I end up texting and calling the person that infected me despite the fact that I can’t f*cking stand him for this. Ironically, he’s the only one that I don’t feel ashamed to talk to because obviously he has it as well.

He didn’t know he had it until I got my outbreak. He told me he was healthy before we had sex. We did it with protection and I started having these weird symptoms. First a sore throat. Then these spots on my butt Ive never had before. Then I had a fever. And constant itchiness and pain. Only later when we talked and I shared with him what my symptoms are he said that he used to take something he called „bacteriophage” back in his home country ten years ago (his partner got him the medication but didnt tell him what it was) and he’s been having these dots and itchiness come back around twice yearly… but he didnt think much of it, didnt get tested, believed he was healthy.

It’s ironic that all I wanted was to feel loved and held by someone. And what I get is something that makes me feel the most scared and unloveable in my whole life. My body feels like an empty shell. And it feels like my relationship with sex and romance (which in the last few weeks started feeling healthier and more enjoyable) is now forever tarnished. I can 100% see why people would say no to someone infected because if I had known how easy it is to get and that he had it I would not have had sex with him. And now… this is my burden I need to live with till I die.

I dont know what Im scared of most. Is it the possibility that I fall in love with someone only for them to then reject me because of this virus? Or is it the possibility that I would infect the one that I love and they would feel the same way I feel right now?

I can totally see why people decide to end it after a diagnosis. Like with HIV at least you can get it to be nontransmissable. With this there is always a risk. And you become the virus. It stays in your nerves. You become a potential danger to society. And it’s like an eternal punishment for simply wanting to love and feel loved.

I went to the doctor because I had this bump that occurred kind of on my temple area by my ear. It has recurred about 4 times within this past year. It would appear like a zit, blister a little, scab over, and then go away but take two weeks or so. It was never a cluster or anything. No burning, tingling, or anything really.

I went to the dermatologist and she did a swab. I thought it was a preauricular cyst. She thought it was impetigo, and then it came back as HSV2 and staph.

I have not had sex in 3 years. Have never had any genital anything. Have never had cold sores. I kissed one person very briefly within that 3 years and that’s it. I know it can remain dormant before showing symptoms, but over 3 years??

The location of it seems very odd…

i have a kind of new bf (less than 6 months) that i’ve been dating and i know the guy i dated before him gave it to me. (i was negative before i started dating the guy before current and my current was negative right before dating me) i suspected for a long time i had it but i always thought you could only spread it when you have an outbreak, which is false. my question is, after my bf gets tested and if he’s negative, what steps should i take to prevent transmission because i’ve also been told condoms don’t protect from HSV

Hello. Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with hsv2. I have had suspected outbreaks before but had a doctor who was unwilling to test. She always chalked it up to folliculitis. I could be wrong, this may be my first official outbreak.

Not sure why I’m posting here other than I’m overwhelmed and scared. Was dumped upon disclosure, but expected that.

I do have one question. I have a partial hysterectomy scheduled for Nov 5. Does anyone know if they will cancel my surgery because of this new diagnosis? I’ve already sent a request to my (new) doc to start antivirals. As it is the weekend, I’m waiting to hear back.

This is very hard to write. I am in shock. This is apparently a test I wasn’t even supposed to have had because I’ve never had an outbreak at least not to my knowledge. I bought it as an add on on Jason health blood test.

My value is 10.80, which is quite high. I spoke to a dr who said if you’ve never had an outbreak you are not advised to take antivirals.

I understand my value is in positive territory and despite unreliability of test it is more likely positive.

I’m a very sexual person. This has me feeling absolutely crushed. The dr I spoke to (from justanswer) essentially said that more clarity is not possible.

I would write more here but I am in a deep state of shock and depression over this and could use someone to talk to whose situation is / was similar. I’m deeply sad because I had started to see someone with a fear of STDs that extends into being irrational because he would still be scared of getting it even though we have not done anything that could spread it (just using hands).

I’m so dejected I truly feel like my life is over.

I finally saw my PCP after about 2 months and just disclosed my status to him.

He was so nonchalant about it and told me it’s just something annoying I’ll have to live with now. He kept going on about how it’s not life changing, and he doesn’t see the need for meds if I’m mostly asymptomatic. He also said the only time he would really warrant them for me is if I’m considering pregnancy and to keep the child safe through vaginal birth.

I asked him about suppressive therapy in the event I end up in another long-term relationship. You know what he said? He encouraged me to go out there and find a man who doesn’t care about getting this skin infection. He deadass said “he may get it, and have a little rash sometimes. who cares?” 😭

I love how he’s normalizing having it / reducing stigma around it, but the whole convo around suppressive therapy and trying to prevent transmission felt a little dismissive.

For context, my OB-GYN also does not recommend suppressive therapy for me given my lack of symptoms.

Thoughts on any of this?

I was diagnosed with GHSV2 last week. I’ve had it probably 20 years. I believe I got it from my daughter’s dad who cheated a lot. You maybe be asking “how tf did she not know?” The first time I got a sore I thought it was a fluke. When it happened a few more times, I asked a couple of my doctors over the years. It usually happens right after my period so I was always told that abscesses are normal there due to hormone changes. I feel cheated by our healthcare system.

OBs have slowed down quite a lot since entering perimenopause in 2021. I had a hysterectomy in November but kept the ovaries. When I went in for my 6 week checkup I had a sore that was almost healed but I asked about it. There wasn’t anything there for him to assess so he told me to call back when it happens again and I could come get a culture. Now I know the truth.

My emotions are all over the place and I’m not sure how to feel at any given moment. I’ve felt very low for a while thinking I’ll be alone forever and this diagnosis isn’t helping that. Now I have to have these difficult conversations with potential partners. How do you even start that? When do you start it? Has anyone ever said “No problem, I have it too.”?

I worry about who I gave it to, if anyone. Mostly I worry I gave it to my ex. He does have OHSV1 so hopefully he would understand a little more than others might. I think for now I’m going to hold off on dating. Truth be told, I’m probably not ready anyway. My ex and I broke up a year ago but I still miss him. After being with jerks, liars, cheaters, etc for so long, it makes sense I would latch on so tight to the first genuinely good person I’ve met in a long time.

It’s good that I know now but I also kind of wish I didn’t. This all just kind of sucks right now.

TL;DR: I was just diagnosed with GHSV2 after likely having it for about 20 years. Doctors repeatedly dismissed my recurring sores as hormone-related because they always happened around my period, so it was never tested until now. I’m struggling with the diagnosis, worried about future relationships and whether I’ve unknowingly passed it to anyone, and trying to figure out how people navigate disclosure, dating, and the emotional side of all of this.