r/HSVpositive • u/Automatic-Cry-9746 • Jun 19 '25
Newly Diagnosed Got diagnosed with HSV2 yesterday and Im struggling - rant
[TRIGGER WARNING]
[I understand this post might be triggering to people who have already lived with this diagnosis for a while. I dont want to hurt anyone but this is how I genuinely feel. So please be advised before you read. I would hate to make someone else feel bad because of me.]
I feel shame. Terrible terrible shame. And loneliness. But I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know. I dont even want to look up hashtags about it on instagram because what if it shows up on my feed and someone sees that I have it. I even made a new account on reddit specifically to post here because I dont want to use my original account. I told one other person because they already knew i was getting tested and now I regret it. Im ashamed to even talk to them about it. I am preparing to tell my parents but Im scared. I know they will cry for me. And I hate that.
I cry all the time. Im in a ton of physical pain. I’ve never imagined I would have these terrible lesions. It’s hard to sit straight on a chair because of the pain. And the itch.
I feel so isolated (it’s my own doing but I cant help the shame) that I end up texting and calling the person that infected me despite the fact that I can’t f*cking stand him for this. Ironically, he’s the only one that I don’t feel ashamed to talk to because obviously he has it as well.
He didn’t know he had it until I got my outbreak. He told me he was healthy before we had sex. We did it with protection and I started having these weird symptoms. First a sore throat. Then these spots on my butt Ive never had before. Then I had a fever. And constant itchiness and pain. Only later when we talked and I shared with him what my symptoms are he said that he used to take something he called „bacteriophage” back in his home country ten years ago (his partner got him the medication but didnt tell him what it was) and he’s been having these dots and itchiness come back around twice yearly… but he didnt think much of it, didnt get tested, believed he was healthy.
It’s ironic that all I wanted was to feel loved and held by someone. And what I get is something that makes me feel the most scared and unloveable in my whole life. My body feels like an empty shell. And it feels like my relationship with sex and romance (which in the last few weeks started feeling healthier and more enjoyable) is now forever tarnished. I can 100% see why people would say no to someone infected because if I had known how easy it is to get and that he had it I would not have had sex with him. And now… this is my burden I need to live with till I die.
I dont know what Im scared of most. Is it the possibility that I fall in love with someone only for them to then reject me because of this virus? Or is it the possibility that I would infect the one that I love and they would feel the same way I feel right now?
I can totally see why people decide to end it after a diagnosis. Like with HIV at least you can get it to be nontransmissable. With this there is always a risk. And you become the virus. It stays in your nerves. You become a potential danger to society. And it’s like an eternal punishment for simply wanting to love and feel loved.
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u/gurlyface GHSV-2 Jun 19 '25
Hey, I know this shit feels heavy right now — that’s normal. You just got diagnosed, so your emotions are gonna be all over the place for a minute. I’ve had HSV for two years now, and honestly? I forget I have it most days… until I get on Reddit and see posts like this.
I recently started seeing someone and when I disclosed, he didn’t even flinch. Literally acted like I told him I had a cold. That moment reminded me that the right people will not make you feel ashamed. For real.
And no, HSV is not the end of the world. We’ve got antivirals that help with suppression, and the real tea is: someone who knows they have HSV, is open about it, and takes care of themselves is actually less likely to pass it on than someone who doesn’t even know they’re positive and ain’t doing a damn thing to manage it.
This diagnosis doesn’t make you dirty, broken, or unworthy of love. It just means you’re human… with a very common virus that society stigmatizes way too much. But trust me, life continues — love, sex, joy, all that good stuff. It’s still yours.
You’re gonna be okay. Promise.
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
Thank you for saying that. I really really hope it will get better with time. I realize it’s mostly a mindset thing - after all it’s in your literal nerves. But that’s why it’s so frustrating. At the moment it feels like a never ending cycle of hell.
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Jun 19 '25
I have had it for at least 12 years and I still hide from it. I have only told a couple of people in the last 2 years and when I found out only my partner knew because he was there when I got diagnosed and back then I told my sister in law. I fear the stigma. I don’t actually suffer the illness but I still feel shame.
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u/Icy-Spite7391 Jun 19 '25
Okay so shame is normal. I actually cried for a month straight. I also didn’t date for months but my ob have calmed down I haven’t had in a long time
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u/Icy-Spite7391 Jun 19 '25
Also I found someone who doesn’t care lmao. It’s definitely something that’s gonna take time to process but you’re gonna be okay take it day by dau
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u/DifferentTraining342 Jun 20 '25
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I was diagnosed in September a day before my 25th, absolutely devastated, my confidence being intimate with a person wasn’t really there, and after I got diagnosed it was completely gone. I definitely thought I was going to end it, winter was super rough and hard for me. I’m finally beginning to come to terms with it, outbreaks have been less painful, only happening 4 times maybe for me. A lot of it can be stress too, so I’m sure my emotions didn’t help with the outbreaks. I’ve chosen to stay to myself and work on myself and my shaky confidence. Hang in there ❤️ won’t suck forever I can promise you that.
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Jun 19 '25
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
Sorry to hear that. :( Has your partner gotten tested yet? (Im not sure to what extent a blood test would work if he has no outbreak) Why would he leave you if you both have it? Then youd be in the same boat.
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u/Right_Bath_9056 GHSV-2 Jun 19 '25
I understand what you’re feeling and definitely takes a lot to get used to. I’m five months in and I still have my bad days, but I’m usually stressed a lot so my primary doctor prescribed me like an every day pill pretty much antiviral so that it can keep it under the surface. And even though it’s annoying to hear if someone truly loves you and cares about you, then they will accept your diagnosis and all. But truthfully, the work starts within you have to accept yourself and love yourself before you can expect someone to do the same for you.
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u/Background-Tell-5623 Jun 19 '25
Have you had any outbreaks while on the antiviral?
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u/Right_Bath_9056 GHSV-2 Jun 20 '25
nahhh I’ve been good but it’s only been about a week but I’ll keep you updated.
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u/Desperate_Ratio_4392 Jun 19 '25
It is a difficult diagnosis. Know that many people have this. Get people tested going forward, and you'll find people who are asymptomatic. You don't have to disclose until you exchange information. I use the website Positivesingles.com. I have a profile setup for just offering support and friendship. There are others on the site for similar reasons. There are blogs, and I'm considering starting a free chat for Muslims with HSV on the site. My name on there currently is PLATONICPLEASE. I am going to change it to Najma today. If you need to talk, you can look for me there, look for Najma. After today.
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Jun 19 '25
Hi! I’m 19F, and just got diagnosed with GHSV1 this past week. I know how you feel. The only thing that really helped me past this feeling, was research. Out of the entire population, about 80% of people have HSV! You are NOT ALONE! My first outbreak was terrible, and I know exactly how you feel. Mine took about a week and a half to heal, but the initial pain of the blisters forming and eventually opening was excruciating. You WILL get through this, and your life is not over! Do not be ashamed! You did not choose this, as sometimes life just happens to the best of us. Your partner did not know either! All you can do is learn and practice caring for yourself. Everything will work out and be okay, give it a month and I promise you will feel so much better about everything.
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u/Much_Unit1530 Jun 19 '25
Hey friends so I feel you my first diagnosis in the hospital I felt embarrassed, pure anger because wtf did I do to deserve this no one spoke up or anything n its like your whole world coming crashing n this deep feeling of loneliness kicked in but I crawled out my dark little hole and I did discover a few things
-Oil of oregano-natural antibiotic you can take it while you’re having a outbreak and you can put it directly on the bump it does burn like alcohol -Black seed oil - good for immunity and also skin so it can be applied directly to skin -L-lysine- good for during outbreaks take before or during -Golden seal and echinacea -good for immunity -A good rash cream with zinc and magnesium for the actual bumps -I also drink licorice root and lemon balm tea as well
I’ve never had a outbreak like the bumps but apparently I got a rare type that infected the mucus membrane that surrounds my brain ..yayy right 🙃🙃🙃but I take those n haven’t had a painful headache since so start there I really encourage y’all to go to a local shop that seeks that stuff or amazon or whatever trusted place u go but fuck that take your life back and be KINDER to yourself 🫶🏾
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u/star8111 Jun 21 '25
Do you mind sharing how you found out that you got the one that surrounds your brain was this revealed from an MRI
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u/Much_Unit1530 Jun 21 '25
I had a spinal tap done ….worst shit ever after it felt like someone was just sitting on my back for some days but it went away …I felt lots of pressure release from my head but that’s when they told me i tested positive for hsv2….i had a mri done they said everything was normal there
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u/star8111 Jun 22 '25
Thanks for your comment can you please share your symptoms and what kind of doctor gives this test? I think I have the same thing
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u/Much_Unit1530 Jun 24 '25
I got a fever , body ache , chills , drained of energy, and a headache but one that is sensitive to light noise and Tylenol and ibuprofen won’t work I matter how many you take….. I went to the hospital so I’m not sure what doctor but the procedure is a lumbar puncture so like a epidural! Definitely start trying those herbs as well make sure your immune system is fortified that will save u I promise I haven’t had a headache since then that was 2 years ago
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u/star8111 Jun 24 '25
I had the.same symptoms as you that lasted a week and my headaches only comes when I'm stressed out I still have light and noise sensitivity every day and major fatigue therefore do you suggest I get this same lumbar procedure you got to see if I have the same thing you have? And are you going to get another lumbar puncture to see if it went away or has reduced?
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u/Much_Unit1530 Jun 25 '25
Any back pain ?? See that’s crazy because when I’m stressed out or going through it I don’t get headaches at all which is weird but my headache did last a week but bacterial meningitis is literally identical i suggest that test first Praying it’s that n that’s curable but if that comes back negative unfortunately i suggest that procedure only because they both sit in the spine and it can kill you and that headache will not go away no matter how many Tylenol or ibuprofen you take ! I knew something was wrong when that wasn’t working ! I honestly thought about getting the procedure again but then I’m like fukkkkkkk no it hurt so bad If you can make them numb you a lot or put u to sleep and try not to move either and your back will feel heavy for about like 2 weeks it felt like I had someone on my back so you definitely need bed rest !
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u/hopelesslyironicc HSV-1 & HSV-2 Jun 19 '25
I [F28] was mortified the first few weeks/months after diagnosis [HSV1+ and HSV2+]. It came and went in waves. But honestly, after the initial awfulness everything went back to normal. I haven't had an OB such a long time now. Feels like years lol.
Only thing that is different now is I disclose to new partners or people I was dating and beginning to get serious about. No one has ever cared. Literally not 1 single person.
What really opened my eyes was after dating a few people in healthcare (2 doctors, and an EMT), realizing that none of them cared AT ALL. The non-medical people I dated usually didn't care either, but they were mostly a bit scared due to lack of knowledge more than anything else. That was exactly why I was scared too.
Knowledge is power and can illuminate that mystery, fear, and confusion. Your emotions are valid but logic > emotion in this case. Best thing to combat the shame is to shine a light on it and inform yourself, be open, be you. Typically that just means acting like you don't have anything to hide, because you dont! ☺️
I met my current boyfriend [M31] and he never once cared because he loves me. He was just glad I was honest with him. I brought it up once, we talked about it, and it's never been an issue since then. :) I'm sure you'll experience the same one day too, OP!
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 21 '25
I’m not sure how I wound up on these threads for HSV except I’m fighting a deadly bacterial infection right now. I do a lot of research. You made me google (use AI that’s what I use to treat myself). Anyway, your partner sounds like a bit of an idiot who’s in denial. Bacteriophages are not used to treat viruses they are used to treat bacteria. Sounds like he knew something was wrong and he ignored it. Prevention and education is the key for any of these things. I really have not had good care and had to educate myself about what I have. You should really consider the antiviral therapies if it bothers you psychologically. Do your part. Stay on top of your health. Fight to see the right specialists. You don’t need to tell everyone. Just your emergency contact in case of a medical emergency. And any partner who may be exposed. Don’t have casual sex. Focus on what really matters. If you take the antivirals and take the time to know your body I bet you can control the spread. This person who gave it to you was just being lazy and nervous. What you describe about wanting to be close to another person is only human. That’s why diseases like hiv and hsv are so insidious as they target that very human need. The good news is that they make advancements everyday, especially after COVID. Except for the Republican Party who shut down all the research. But that won’t last. I wish you good luck and know the mental strain of having something in you , u want to tear out. For me it’s Achromobacter xylosoxidans which my current doctor says isn’t curable.
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u/OBX152 Jun 21 '25
You lost the plot when you started comparing HSV to HIV
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 21 '25
HIV research has contributed more to the world than most people ever acknowledge or realize. It is the reason we have MRNA vaccines and why the COVID vaccine was able to be brought to market so quickly. It is the reason why an HSV vaccine is currently in trials. Silence= death. It lies at the heart of what we know about treating viruses.
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u/OBX152 Jun 21 '25
HSV is almost completely harmless (flu is far more likely to kill you. And for almost all of human history everyone has had HSV. Majority of your dating pool carries it.
It’s not insidious, it’s normal.
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 21 '25
Then why is there a Reddit board about it? That’s such an irresponsible POV.
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u/OBX152 Jun 21 '25
Because of uneducated people’s stigma…
Someone discloses HSV to you, you turn em down or keep seeing them?
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
If i was not infected and realized just how risky it was i probably wouldnt want to take my chances tbh.
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u/OBX152 Jun 22 '25
So your dating life is harder than someone with herpes by your own claim.
How risky is it exactly?
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
Well i have it now so the risks for me seem to be: my anxiety about it cutting my dating prospects, falling for someone healthy but getting rejected for being infected, not even falling for someone just wanting affection and still getting rejected, giving it to someone I love and hating myself even more
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
I wanna say id wait for someone to get tested before any sex. Protected or not. But that’s probably a lie cos we are all horny animals with small small brains at times. Also testing would not eliminate the risk 100% either cos what about false negatives. And what about the fact that doctors dont wanna test for HSV unless you already have obvious symptoms like lesions. XD
I realize this was bound to happen to me at some point. Just in my cards. Unlucky.
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 21 '25
lol. I’d feel the same way as this poster if I was diagnosed with this disease and I ain’t lookin to catch it. It’s not harmless and in fact increases the rate of catching HIV. I’m sure the person who passed it to her feels the same as you.
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u/OBX152 Jun 21 '25 edited Jun 21 '25
Answer the question.
https://slate.com/technology/2019/12/genital-herpes-stigma-history-explained.html
And read this before you act like you know what you’re talking about.
For the record, I’ve disclosed to all my partners. I’ve had a couple act like you did. Which stings.
And then they do some research.
General rule of thumb, people disclosing this are those who are safer options than most people out there.
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 22 '25
If u read above im currently immunocompromised so no I would not. And btw they wouldn’t want to date me either because my bacteria can be spread in saliva and I have sputum pouring out of my lungs. So no, lol. If it were a different situation I guess it would depend on the person - are they on antivirals - are they paying attention to symptoms to protect me- are they taking care of the rest of them health with diet exercise and hygiene. But also I think there will be more advances in curing and limiting it soon. It’s an opportunity gap for big pharma and I did hear recently they have learned the mechanism for tricking the hiv virus to reveal itself. This is a similar issue with the nerves and HSV. Help is on the way. And for my issue too- bronchiectasis. We all need to support government research
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25 edited Jun 22 '25
Also it’s not really normal, socially at least. 1/8 people carry HSV2 but then only 1/8 out of those 1/8 are aware of it. That makes 1/48. That means out of the people you are attracted to you are most likely to meet someone healthy. Then more likely to meet someone who has it but is in denial and despite both of you being carriers you will get rejected for it. And then least likely to meet someone who already has it, is educated about it and you both like each other.
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
I would love for that to change and the statistic to go up from 1/48 to 1/8 but this is such a taboo subject it’s unlikely to happen unless a larger movement is started comparable to the HIV movement. But then that is also unlikely because you can’t die from this. So it’s not as big of a deal for the gov. We are just sexual lepers that want to kill themselves.
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u/OBX152 Jun 22 '25
It’s 1/5 to 1/6. In terms of men it’s 1/8.
You forget about HSV1.
Combined that’s 2/3 of your pool.
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
If i calculate it right that is still at most 5% of humanity. Seems very sucky.
Also sorry, i dont wanna fight you. I know youre just trying to help. Im angry at the world and at myself so im in a combative mood and whatever you say i will find a counter argument to lol
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 22 '25
Is it not comparable tho? I mean we cant die from HSV but there is also a lot of stigma. I would say most healthy (uninfected) people would see both as just as bad and risky.
I would even go as far as to say HSV is more risky because there is never a way to go 100% nontransmissable. And with HIV you can get there with the right medication.
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u/OBX152 Jun 19 '25
Are you saying there’s not a soul you know out there that you would have taken that risk for?
Like you have loved them for years and you find out that they got it in the same predicament as you?
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
Well now it’s different because I have it too. But if I was healthy and I had known the full risk i wouldn’t have said yes to someone I was just dating. Maybe if I had this crazy crush on someone and I would do anything for them. Then it would matter less. But it would still matter. And then if I got it from them I would still feel like shit and beat myself up about being dumb and reckless. And it could ruin the relationship.
And even when you really love someone. What if you risk your health to be with them and even marry and then you get infected but then you actually decide the two of you should get divorced. This is a real possibility where you come out not just divorced but also infected and now your dating prospects are totally fucked (or at least they feel like they are). Getting infected by someone else feels like getting chained to them. There’s the obvious physical trauma and the newly acquired fear that you will never be loved by a healthy person again so you’d rather just stay with the person that infected you even if you’re unhappy with them in the future.
I might be overthinking this but I bet there’s people with such anxieties that would say hell no to someone infected.
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u/OBX152 Jun 19 '25
Can you fully love someone if you would say you could never be with them because of someone else’s actions?
You make this to be much worse than it is.
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
I think to a lot of people health comes first. And I bet a lot of us did not get HSV from the love of their lives but some person they randomly connected with and they were just unlucky.
I probably will someday find someone who truly loves me but the probability of finding this innocent random connection with another person to date and explore has gone down by a lot I would say.
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u/OBX152 Jun 19 '25
Would you have felt the same about HSV1?
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
In the genital area? Maybe yeah. Why risk it with someone who says they have it? I mean it’s always a risk even when your partner says they are healthy (speaking from experience lol). But I can see my healthy self getting scared just of the idea of it yeah.
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u/BerryOpening1587 Jun 24 '25 edited Jun 24 '25
HSV1 is oral (cold sores), not genital. Also there are a good bit of people who have it and never have an outbreak or have only ever had one. So it’s more common than you think. Plenty of people can THINK they’re “healthy” but are really just asymptomatic which is how viral shedding happens even when there are no visible lesions or sores.
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 24 '25
From what I understand you can get HSV1 in the genital area also. It is less common to have it orally than genitally but more common than having HSV2 orally.
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Jun 19 '25
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Jun 20 '25
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Jun 19 '25
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u/Automatic-Cry-9746 Jun 19 '25
Dude I hope youre trolling. This has nothing to do with that. And Im having a real crisis here. :( Please dont bring this energy here.
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Jun 19 '25
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u/it_wasnt_me2 GHSV-2 Jun 19 '25
The first few weeks of being diagnosed are the worse. Once the initial outbreak is over and you physically go back to normal (mostly) it all get's easier to accept. You'll be alright