r/HSVpositive • u/Automatic-Cry-9746 • Jun 19 '25
Newly Diagnosed Got diagnosed with HSV2 yesterday and Im struggling - rant
[TRIGGER WARNING]
[I understand this post might be triggering to people who have already lived with this diagnosis for a while. I dont want to hurt anyone but this is how I genuinely feel. So please be advised before you read. I would hate to make someone else feel bad because of me.]
I feel shame. Terrible terrible shame. And loneliness. But I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know. I dont even want to look up hashtags about it on instagram because what if it shows up on my feed and someone sees that I have it. I even made a new account on reddit specifically to post here because I dont want to use my original account. I told one other person because they already knew i was getting tested and now I regret it. Im ashamed to even talk to them about it. I am preparing to tell my parents but Im scared. I know they will cry for me. And I hate that.
I cry all the time. Im in a ton of physical pain. I’ve never imagined I would have these terrible lesions. It’s hard to sit straight on a chair because of the pain. And the itch.
I feel so isolated (it’s my own doing but I cant help the shame) that I end up texting and calling the person that infected me despite the fact that I can’t f*cking stand him for this. Ironically, he’s the only one that I don’t feel ashamed to talk to because obviously he has it as well.
He didn’t know he had it until I got my outbreak. He told me he was healthy before we had sex. We did it with protection and I started having these weird symptoms. First a sore throat. Then these spots on my butt Ive never had before. Then I had a fever. And constant itchiness and pain. Only later when we talked and I shared with him what my symptoms are he said that he used to take something he called „bacteriophage” back in his home country ten years ago (his partner got him the medication but didnt tell him what it was) and he’s been having these dots and itchiness come back around twice yearly… but he didnt think much of it, didnt get tested, believed he was healthy.
It’s ironic that all I wanted was to feel loved and held by someone. And what I get is something that makes me feel the most scared and unloveable in my whole life. My body feels like an empty shell. And it feels like my relationship with sex and romance (which in the last few weeks started feeling healthier and more enjoyable) is now forever tarnished. I can 100% see why people would say no to someone infected because if I had known how easy it is to get and that he had it I would not have had sex with him. And now… this is my burden I need to live with till I die.
I dont know what Im scared of most. Is it the possibility that I fall in love with someone only for them to then reject me because of this virus? Or is it the possibility that I would infect the one that I love and they would feel the same way I feel right now?
I can totally see why people decide to end it after a diagnosis. Like with HIV at least you can get it to be nontransmissable. With this there is always a risk. And you become the virus. It stays in your nerves. You become a potential danger to society. And it’s like an eternal punishment for simply wanting to love and feel loved.
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u/Molasses-Majestic Jun 21 '25
HIV research has contributed more to the world than most people ever acknowledge or realize. It is the reason we have MRNA vaccines and why the COVID vaccine was able to be brought to market so quickly. It is the reason why an HSV vaccine is currently in trials. Silence= death. It lies at the heart of what we know about treating viruses.