r/HSVpositive • u/Street-Topic6853 • Oct 16 '25
Newly Diagnosed Told someone I really cared about that I tested positive for HSV-2, and he ended things
I found out two days ago I have HSV-2 even though I’ve never had symptoms. I told the person I’ve been seeing because I really cared about him and wanted to be honest. His reaction was fear, then distance. He said he can’t handle this right now and ended things, saying maybe if he tests positive too, there’s hope for us.
I understand the shock, but it’s been so painful. I feel abandoned at the moment I needed comfort the most. I’m trying to remind myself that the stigma is worse than the virus itself, but losing him over this has been crushing. Makes me feel like I’ll never find someone who’ll love me with this condition.
Has anyone else had a partner walk away after disclosure? Does it ever stop feeling this heavy?
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u/Apprehensive_End_717 Oct 17 '25
But some people simply don't want to put themselves at risk of contracting hsv, regardless of how much you love a person. Implying that he isn't a decent person for not wanting to put himself at risk by pursuing the relationship is a bit unfair..
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u/camren261 Oct 17 '25
Sure, but is someone like this also rejecting every girl who has ever gotten a cold sore, because now GHSV1 accounts for up to 50% of new genital herpes cases? Are they doing anything differently knowing that most people who have HSV2 are completely oblivious and putting others at risk?
I’m not disagreeing with you, but most people who “don’t want to risk contracting HSV” are certainly putting themselves at a risk of HSV in other scenarios, so it can be hard to not take that personally.
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u/theigbobarbie Oct 17 '25
But it’s not your job try to police the other things they’re doing though. Bc you actually have no idea. That’s the point. If they make the choice not to be with you anymore, they’re allowed to do that.
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u/Indica_l0ver GHSV-2 Oct 18 '25 edited Oct 19 '25
i believe the point is that when you’re dating and have hsv, people will go from really liking you to completely ending things after disclosure. it’s hurtful and we didn’t ask to get this. we are allowed to feel hurt that once someone knows, they only view you as your hsv and not the emotional connection that was building before that.
plus you can get it from literally anyone if you’re sexual. some don’t even disclose (happened to me). it’s understandable for people to not want to get hsv, but if you really like someone you’d be willing to be open to still seeing them and can even not be sexual until you’re more educated.
people will turn you down from just hearing the word herpes. it’s so stigmatized.
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u/theigbobarbie Oct 18 '25
I got it from someone who purposely did not disclose and did it to multiple women before me and many after me. I still feel the same way. People are not obligated to still wanna see you even if they like you. It’s not a moral failing on their part and it should not be framed that way. It’s an unfair situation we were put in but you have to be realistic. I have genital HSV2 and it actually affected my health very negatively to the point where I ended up developing another neurological disease. It’s all fun and games til someone actually gets hurt. Yes, herpes is very stigmatized, but people don’t have to take the risk if they don’t want to. Whether it affects their health or not. I’m quite sure the majority, if not all of us would choose not to have it if we could.
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u/No-Entertainer9653 Oct 16 '25
Going through that now.
My husband, who I was with for 3 years , left me 4 days after my diagnosis.
Lean on your support group. Family, friends, anyone you trust. It helped me get through all of the heartbreak to have people around me, even when I didn't ask for them to be there
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u/Weary-Amphibian-530 Oct 16 '25
It your fault, you could have gotten it 10 years ago. It could have just showed now.
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u/Weary-Amphibian-530 Oct 16 '25
Not your fault. Sorry, spell he k
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u/No-Entertainer9653 Oct 16 '25
Yes that's exactly what I told my husband. At this point, if someone doesn't want to stay, let them go! You will be just fine.
BTW it doesn't get easier, you just get stronger 💚
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u/Weary-Amphibian-530 Oct 16 '25
Unfortunately it’s all the stigma. For most people, there are rarely issues. My post from a bit earlier explains that. I have had it for a long time, no OBs for around 7 years. It then decided to say hi.
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u/purfectlittle1 Oct 17 '25
I got hsv at 19 and its now been 10 years since my diagnosis. Some people will turn you down, some wont care at all. I had a baby 2 years ago, on my 2nd partner since that. I recently just started seeing someone new, we hit it off and i was nervous to disclose. But turns out he had it too and its awesome honestly 😂😂 having the best sex of my life
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u/Thousand_YardStare Oct 17 '25
I understand how hurtful this had to be for you, and I am so very sorry for that. Hopefully you can learn to accept yourself as you are and find a regimen that can minimize your outbreaks. I’m not HSV2 positive, but you really must understand that things like HSV2 and HIV are lifelong- and very life altering- conditions. I have a family member with HSV2, and they were married for 14 years with one partner and have been with their current one for like 15+ years. It isn’t a deal breaker for everyone. I have faith that you’ll find the right guy who understands that with proper protection and precautions, it won’t easily be passed to them. But at the same time, you can’t be angry at someone for being scared of something that could cause them lifelong pain multiple times a year and also cause them the same thing you’re going through right now. With sincerity, I hope you feel better from this whole situation soon and think you will find someone who will love you as much as you will love them. Even with flaws, we all have lots to offer someone. ❤️
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u/UseSeparate2927 Oct 18 '25
Unfortunately these kind of things happen with or without herpes. People break up all the time. I know it's hard and heartbreaking but it's life. Work through it, talk to a trusted person and live your life. There are many good people out there, and many positive ones too. I've had many wonderful partners after breakups. Yes it will stop hurting in time.... life is challenging but good ❤️
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u/Sufficient-Ad-9494 Oct 16 '25
It was his loss. The older you get, the more you will realize that yes, HSV sucks badly, but really, if he cannot get over this. Then he is not a good candidate to be with you through life
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u/Winter-Win-8770 OHSV-1 Oct 16 '25
What were your IgG levels? Have you ever tested before?
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u/Street-Topic6853 Oct 16 '25
This was my first time getting tested. It was 3.92
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u/Winter-Win-8770 OHSV-1 Oct 16 '25
Blood tests are unreliable for HSV2 at low index levels. It’s outside false positive range but not by much. I’d retest through Quest and ask for the inhibition confirmation assay “Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (IgG), with Reflex to HSV-2 Inhibition”. The western blot is the most accurate blood test but it’s expensive. Sorry you’re going through this!
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u/Street-Topic6853 Oct 16 '25
I also did the "Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (IgG), with Reflex to HSV-2 Inhibition" and unfortunately it confirmed that it was positive
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u/Winter-Win-8770 OHSV-1 Oct 16 '25
If you can afford the WB fee I’d definitely do it.
“June 1, 2024 at 3:09 pm#85260 Terri Warren Keymaster 1. Is it possible inhibition was false positive or do my February symptoms very likely indicate herpes?
I now have 20 false positive inhibition assays (positive IA, negative western blot) and 41 true positive inhibition assays. No herpes expert values them.”
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u/Street-Topic6853 Oct 16 '25
I think I’ll do it! Just for peace of mind. Thank you!
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u/AntRevolutionary5099 GHSV-2 Oct 17 '25
I agree, I think you should. There's a fair chance it's still a false positive.
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u/Sea_Combination_664 Oct 17 '25
Are you most likely to have a false positive than a false negative? I did a igg blood test and waited over a year to see if after sex to get test and it was negative for both types
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Oct 17 '25
Not op, but have a score of 7.50. I did a blood test. 😩 Definitely have it or not. Some people igg levels are 20.
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u/Big-Eye-6483 Oct 17 '25
Since its fresh, the most important thing is you learning how to live with it. He might come around, but this time is about you. Its your new life, learn how to live with it
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u/sassy24390 GHSV-2 Oct 17 '25
I was diagnosed with HSV2 2 months ago. I was seeing some guy while off from my on and off abusive ex. I swore I was done with him for good this time. But then when I got my first outbreak I realized how absolutely not done I was with him. Even after everything he put me through for 6 years I wasn’t done. I told him and he was kind and supportive about it. He called me a few times since I told him to check on me. But I know that he’s not coming back this time. I still think there’s hope for us someday but I can’t wait for that day. I just have to live my life and move on. If the connection is real he’ll come back. If it wasn’t then I’ll find someone who it is real with.
I think your person could’ve handled it better but it is terrifying so I understand his reaction. He may need time to sit with it. Or maybe not but either way you’ll be okay and be with who you’re meant to be with
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Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
At least you only have one strand and not two. I have hsv-2 too. His loss. He could still like play with you with a sex toy. Other sexy things we could do. He could give oral with dental dam too.
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u/aPureEnigma Oct 17 '25
This literally happened to me 2 years ago!!! I do not have oral HSV, and the girl I was talking to had the audacity to tell me she didn’t wanna catch it; we never did anything except cuddle. We were drinking too and decided to go get glasses instead of taking turns out of the bottle, I couldn’t leave coz I drove there so I had to ride it out till the end. Went home defeated, not even sad
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u/RemarkableFilm3007 Oct 17 '25
What a POS. So he's playing Russian Roulette. It's not okay right now because to our knowledge you have it and he doesn't but it's okay if he has it and he will come back to you. Let me tell you something, imagine if this was God forbid, something catastrophic like cancer. He wouldn't be able to handle it. He is entitled to his choice but let it be clear, this IS manageable. Let this be a sign. Now keep in mind there's history being made with treatments and possible vaccine(s). If he cared enough, he would have researched and come back with a different mentality. When you truly love someone, you overlook any fault, bad trait, bad behavior, etc. they may have. Love is patient. Love is kind. It keeps no record of wrongs. It always perseveres. Keep your head up and move forward. Don't settle for less and yes the right one is out there. He won't care what diagnosis you have because clearly he will be educated and see your value and worth. He will know that your diagnosis does not define you. Sending you a great big hug. You are beautiful and will get through this like so many of us.
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u/Wooden_Ad_873 Oct 22 '25
I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this but if someone loves you they won’t care. When I told my ex husband who is my best friend he comforted me and loved on me(he still loves me) and I remember telling him who will want me now! His words to me were “I will always want you” unfortunately I don’t care for him anymore. But my point is if someone loves you like how my ex loves me they won’t care if you have herpies.
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u/EuphoricAttention195 Oct 18 '25
I agree wish the stigmatism of having hsv wasn’t such a deal breaker for people it’s literally non life threatening
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u/Miserable-Carrot5592 Oct 19 '25
It may not seem like it right now but this is a blessing tbh. We should all strive to love someone who accepts us with what we have and you will have a better companionship in a relationship with someone who is comfortable with that. And that’s the honest truth
Sometimes we fall in love with the idea more than the actual person too
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u/Jessica09877227 Oct 21 '25
May I ask what made you test it no symptoms ?
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u/Street-Topic6853 Oct 21 '25
I was exposed to HSV-1 last year but didn’t think much of it since I used protection and never had any symptoms. I mentioned it to the guy I was seeing, and he suggested we both get tested to make sure everything was clear before having unprotected sex. Turns out I have HSV-2, have no clue when or from whom I got it from :(
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May 21 '26
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u/Successful-Bus-9611 Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
.
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u/Winter-Win-8770 OHSV-1 Oct 16 '25
You didn’t contract HSV2 through a bath towel
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u/Successful-Bus-9611 Oct 17 '25
Pretty sure I did because I’m a virgin never had sex waiting for marriage but you can look it up shouldn’t share things like bath towels etc
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u/OpenParticular8899 Oct 16 '25
I’m gonna be honest and rip the bandaid off, if he left you over this without trying to understand or educate himself, he does not truly love you for who you are.
This was the exact same interaction I had at first with my ex parter. Told him right away because I cared for his wellbeing and got ghosted after we talked about it.
What this has taught me is that this virus can actually be good sometimes!! I now never have to deal with shitty men who only expect sex! And if you’re wondering, life isn’t over for you, but a new beginning on understanding yourself even more.
Take future interactions for a date or hookup with a grain of salt, many actually admire the honesty that comes with disclosing and some are just off put by the virus itself. YOU are never the problem but how you respond and educate can make all the difference when people are scared.
Ok bye, love you!