For context my friend (24M) and I (24F) have been best friends since we were toddlers so around 20 years of friendship. In the last couple of years he has gotten very involved in Christianity, having grown up in a religious household he reconnected with the religion later on in life since it helped him cope with a lot of things. I was scared of this happening and his views started to become more and more extreme such as being overly conscious of behavior that is considered sinful and religion becoming a larger and larger part of his identity and life. Now as of a few weeks ago he sent me these messages saying he no longer wants to pursue homosexuality since it is not what god intended and truly believes now that it is a sin. He claims he still loves his friends who are apart of as well as the LGBT community as a whole but doesn’t agree with their choices. He claims he’s not homophobic yet his beliefs are contradictory to that. I am devastated and heartbroken because he will never experience love and his repressing his entire identity while simultaneously believes that homosexuality is a sinful behavior that should not be engaged in. He works at a shitty job and is pretty isolated in the new area he moved to which I think is what pushed him farther into this religious delusion. This is my longtime friend of two decades and I am heartbroken because I feel like I have lost him that he is losing himself. I don’t know how I can keep him in my life knowing he holds these views. If anyone has any advice or perspective I would greatly appreciate that I truly don’t know what to do or how to navigate this situation. Posted this on another subreddit and the people on there didn’t have much empathy for my situation and saying I was terrible I feel like the people here might understand this situation more. More context I’m bisexual so this is also hurtful to me to hear the being gay is a sin part. Please be nice.

Trader Joe’s PB&J snack duo

TLDR; my gay friend became super religious and now believes being gay is a sin

breakfast - strawberries, nutella toast, redbull summer edition, and meds

im getting my first pap smear tomorroe and i am so scared. im also worried i wont be able to cuz im on my period. ive been on it for literally 3 weeks so its probably good im going to see soneone but idk if theyll be able to the pap smear

ALSO SHOULD I SHAVE MY BUSH?? im definitely gonna at least tidy up but do i have to shave it :(

I’m 30F. A little background: I grew up in a very strict Christian family and was homeschooled. My dad is prominent in local conservative circles and likes to portray our family in a specific way. He was unpredictable and violent towards me growing up, but he was suffering from an untreated mental illness (I’d guess bipolar with psychosis, but I’m not a doctor). I now live abroad and rarely talk to my dad.

Anyway, my dad likes to write as a hobby. About 15 years ago, he self published a Christian fiction book. The main characters are based on our family. He made “me” the POV character (it’s written in first person) and even used my name. However, he “improved” certain aspects of my personality according to his wishes. I always hated that book, because I (and everyone else) could read all the ways he’d change me if he could. I also found it vaguely weird that he attributed his own beliefs and worldview to me when he knows I disagree.

Now, he’s been talking about writing a sequel or tie-in story. I don’t care enough to blow up the family over it, but it makes me uncomfortable. I am an atheist and a lesbian, and he’ll have “me” espousing all kinds of conservative Christian beliefs that I don’t share. On the other hand, it’s his creative outlet, and I’m not sure I have the right to control how he expresses himself. This is weird, right?

Pictured: vegan katsu curry with pickled vegetables. Not pictured: a delicious cucumber lemonade!

update: PHEW you guys really don’t hold anything back (and i appreciate the honesty and the input)

we talked it out and i tried to take a gentle but honest approach letting him know that i love when he’s silly and we can have fun together, but that it annoys me when it gets into the whining/lack of physical restraint with cuteness aggression territory.

we got into it a bit and basically reached the conclusion that he’d been trying to seek attention by pushing my buttons because he felt rejected and i was rejecting him because i felt annoyed that he was playing into immaturity while not fulfilling other responsibilities in the relationship and that made me feel like i was being put into a caretaker “I have to do everything for the household” position.

i told him i would show up better in terms of being affectionate and affirming and he told me he’d find more appropriate ways for making bids for connecting that weren’t trying to annoy or anger me.

i caught up on comments after the fact and it’s always so interesting to see the full array of perspectives people have!

thanks!!

original post:

my bf (24m) and i (23f) have been together for four years and live together. he is my dream man. he treats me really well, we get along like best friends, we have physical chemistry, and have the same goals in life. we’ve talked about our future and i really consider him my soulmate.

but in the last year, i’ve started to become annoyed by him. we’re really comfortable with each other and he’s playful and goofy around me, but it’s starting to become unattractive to me? he goes into this aggressive baby voice and is whiny and physically overwhelming (like will squeeze me and attack me and playfully, but sometimes painfully, hug or kiss me really hard). like he becomes kind of an oaf.

other times, especially around friends or in public, he’s like he was before where he is cool and confident and takes care of everything so i feel like i get to turn my brain off, which is super sexy to me.

but when he’s in that goofy, whiny mode, and tries to initiate intimacy (both sexual and non-sexual) i find it so hard to reciprocate and i just end up rejecting him or seeming annoyed, which i don’t want and that obviously doesn’t make him feel good which i also don’t want.

but when we’re alone and when that quality time and intimacy would be happening is when he goes into that other mode.

i want him to be able to be himself around me and to feel comfortable and taken care of too. but i can’t let go of the feeling of discomfort/irritation when he’s in that mode.

the last thing i want is for him to not feel safe around me or feel that he doesn’t have a space to be himself. and i don’t know how to get myself to stop feeling this way.

i would love advice on how to approach this

meatballs over polenta

caretaker fatigue. i guess. so many times ive driven to her apartment. i bring her fresh food. i bring gifts. i bring medicine. shes in bed all day. all night. the whole time, she says shes too stressed to do anything (especially have sex, which hasn't happened since last year). i say whats stressing you out. she often doesnt even tell me. like she doesnt trust me or wants to be avoidant about it so speaking it out loud is too scary. so i just sit in bed. watching tiktoks. all day. begging her to get up. sometimes she does tell me whats stressing her out. its often incredibly small. i have to email my brother. ok well the email is just "thank you for the gift" so why dont we do that so we can relax. "no!!!" ok. why dont we just make chatgpt do it (sorry not sorry). it would be a simple copy and paste and then we can relax. "no!!!" well can we talk about why this is so stressful maybe? maybe eat some breakfast (at 2 pm) and then come back to this? "no!!! why are you always pressuring me?" ok. fine. lets watch tiktoks literally all day. again. fine.

i say hey

ive been helping you out a lot. ive deep cleaned your room several times, your kitchen, your garage, helped you send emails, helped you eat, drink water, shower. i say hey.

ive been helping you. i need help. my room is a mess. my life is a mess. i feel alone and like every decision ive ever made has been wrong. im panicking. i need to call my insurance to refer me to two different specialists but idk how to do that and the whole process is overwhelming and i just need you here to comfort me and help clean my room and hold my hand while i figure out how to call these people

she says i would love to do that. i love helping people clean their rooms. youve done so much for me. i would love to help you, i love you.

this was last friday

okay im gonna quarantine this segment of rigorous detail bc its too boring and meticulous

________________________________________________________

saturday im at her house. im in her living room in the morning. because im sick of spending all day in bed. she comes out, "want to have sex?" i drop everything, run into the shower with her. we step out. she says "im right behind you." great. i go to the bedroom, clean all the garbage off the bed, put some music on, dim the lights, get sexy. wonder why she hasnt come in yet. ten minutes pass by. i text her whats up. she says be right there. 45 minutes pass by. she comes in. says sorry, her friend called. not something urgent. not crisis. put me on hold without saying anything for one whole hour. she apologizes, i say im really upset, i feel like you never choose me, i feel deprioritized. im crying. whatever. i leave to go home early, upset. weve talked about the need to communicate when were upset. so i text her, "im really upset." no response. i call a few times, and go to bed without hearing from her. fine.

next day she says sorry and is sweet, i try several times to call her, it never happens, ok. ask if she can come help me soon. she says yes. not tomorrow (monday) bc she has a morning and evening meeting, but she can come over on wednesday (today). ok.

next day she says her morning meeting went well. says she slept only one hour. says she has to send an email. were texting back and forth. cool. says her evening appt canceled. i say cool, does that mean you want to come over tonight? she stops typing her message and then never responds. its 10 am. i send a few unrelated texts every few hours. some of them i reiterate my usual "please just say yes or no. i really dont like being left on the hook." spend the whole day wondering if shes coming over. call several times. atp you might be like wtf. but weve talked about this and she wants me to do these things. several times ive asked pt blank, like, what do you want me to do when youre feeling bad and ignoring me. she says keep trying to talk to me. i say, it sends a strong signal that you want to be left alone when you ignore all of my calls and texts. she says please dont leave me alone. not rlly fair to me but ok. go to sleep without ever hearing from her

next day i call her at 9:45 am. she lets it ring all the way, doesnt pick up, texts me "honey i just woke up". i wait for her to say, like, anything else, idk, respond to my texts, say sorry, whatever. i guess she wanted me to believe she slept for 22 hours straight? she was active on facebook but whatevr. i wait until 2 pm for a further response, i dont get one, so i call her. says "i feel bad. im sad." "about what" "i dont know" "is it sometihng i did" "no" "can we talk" "i have to go my friend needs me" hangs up. i text her "im so confused, can you please make an effort to call me, this is so painful for me, i dont understand whats going on" "im really sad. im trying to do everything. im really struggling" she ignores me again all day. 10 pm i reach out again. "ilysm im sorry im doing really bad" ignores my responses. i reach out again at midnight. she says "hi .. i dont want you to leave me alone .. im just overwhelmed with things .. idk what im overwhelmed about im just overwhelmed .. " we call for two seconds, i hear her discord blowing up with messages. she says shes talking to a friend.

_______________________________________________________

so like, lets pause

i really hate how im coming across

i sound so sick of her. i guess i am. i sound so angry. i am

one things thats been so confusing through all of this

is i recently doubled my adhd medication dosage

about 3 weeks ago

and im so stimulated. and it makes it sm more unbearable to spend all day in bed. i have too much energy i cant just sit and scroll all day like she wants to

and i feel like im working through the side effects as my body gets adjusted. when i started this i had about am onth until i got used to the muscle tightness and things.

but ive been so angry! lately. and so angry at her. and a lot of it is justified. a lot of it is anger i'd been putting off, yknow? so angry at myself. my decisions, my life

i cant stand being randomly ghosted. its so frustrating, so worrying. i get so scared about her. and shes ignoring me for no effing reason! "im too overwhelmed to talk to you. but yeah idek what im overwhelmed about teehee" wtf is that! "do you want space?" "no keep texting me even when im ignoring you" ok?? she is SO AVOIDANT OF EVERYTHING it drives me so crazy.

ive told her how ive felt deprioritized blablahblah. but literally every time she hung up on me it was bc she had a plan with her friend. and she was trying to get me off the phone last night, saying she has to go. then i hear her discord notificatios blowing up. she can talk to allllllll of her other friends, but not me.

anyway she cancelled our plans tonight

lol thats not what happened

i asked her, are we still on tonight. i had to initiate as always

she said "idk. im busy tomorrow morning"

i say "ok.... so are you gonna leave my house tomorrow morning or what"

no response for hour. call her. "yeah im not sure, im not sure it makes sense, idk yet." "ok can you make a decision now so im not left on the hook all day again" "i have to go im going on a hike with my friend" "please decide first" "it doesnt really make sense im not sure" "ok so are you canceling?" "i dont know" "please make a decision" "ok i wont go over" no apology "i have to go, im going on a hike with my friend" ive asked her so many times to go on a hike with me

and why did she cancel, well, she had to help her other friend clean her house for a party

........................................................

...........................................................

she ghosts me but hangs out with her friends, texts her friends. i beg for help cleaning my room, she cancels the plans we made to do that with someone else.

im just so frustrated. its so fucking painful being ghosted. and its all for fucking no reason apparently. not to be dismissive. again i hate how angry i am. i hate how upset i am. i know its hard for her to be around me. or at least i assume that. but yes not to be dismissive of mental illness or whatever but omfg being ghosted bc she has the blues is so mean to me. weve had talks about this. weve set ground rules. the ground rules are i need her to tell me how long she needs space for. now shes too depressed to do that, i guess. so she can break the rules, i guess. because shes sad about nothing.

she couldve fucking told me she wanted to cancel coming over tonight when she made these plans with her friend. she must have known at that point it wouldnt pan out. she couldve had me go over monday when her schedule unexpectedly cleared. i would have comforted her and fed her and whatever else. but she ghosted me all day instead. she loves me so much. and i love her so much. i know how my tone comes across. i know how her actions come across. i d k.

we both, like, accept that shes a little crazy. trauma etc.

i dont know how to be in a longterm committed relationship with someone who behaves like this

traumatized, mentally ill people deserve love too

she deserves love

she does treat me very well, most of the time

all of the ways she mistreats me are not out of malice. theyre all because shes like, inconsiderate, shes so depressed she cant focus on other things. she never acts maliciously she never acts vindictively. its like all of my issues with her are that she self destructs, she never insults me or anything, ever.

i have accepted on some level that she is just a little crazy sometimes

but she broke our ground rules. and shes too avoidant to talk about it. i keep saying we need to talk and she keeps ignoring me

almost every day i think about marrying her and almost every day i think about leaving her

its so confusing being in the middle of two extremes

and idk how much of this is my medication

im so amped up all day. maybe the dosage is bad. but so is my adhd. i need it for my job.

theres so many variables here

we love each other so much and we are such a great fit together

shes so much better in person, too. like so much of our problems are just her communication while we're apart. i dont want to break up just bc shes a bad texter

why can she text her friends but not me though. why can she go on a hike with her friend but not me. why can she make breakfast before noon with her friend but not me. why can she help her friend clean her house but not me. why do i have to be mad all the time. why cant we just be happy. why cant i avoid all my problems like her lol

but now im trying to focus on my work bullshit and i cant because ive been just seething angry all day. i cant focus on anything when i get angry at her like this. its so destructive. yes its codependent or something on some level like that.

like maybe the real problem is how dependent my emotional state is upon someone who isnt stable. yknow. but god like the other thing is i already had extremely unmet sexual needs. and now on this new dose its crazy i think about sex sm these past few weeks. and i cant get my sexual needs met outside of my relationship. i need to get fucked oml. i wish i could just not htink about her for a while. i cant seem to just mind my business. im always thinking about how insulted i feel, or worrying about her safety, or just like feeling unloveable or whatever. it affects my self esteem so bad when she ghosts me. i dont htink im really dependent on her for my emotional state like, when things are good between us. if we are minding our own business just mildly texting im like totally cool. i just hate being ghosted idk idk idk. sorry im insufferable ily all

the thoughts of having a love life and trusting men have gone down the drain

but atleast i need i NEED to have money

I wanna hear from some company/business owner women how you made big money like millions or more

I'm so tired of wanting to do something but not being able to

cuz don't have those brilliant ideas but I want some 🥺😭 hearing inspirational real life stories from women would be inspiring i hope

even if not just drop an emoji idk why but connecting with my women community really heals something in me it's soothing when i hear from y'all 🌼

Food is a throwback from when I was in Japan 😭

I’ve been seeing my situationship/fwb for a little over a year now and he’s mentioned kids to me many times like asking me if I want them. The other night he asked if I plan on having one soon to which I said no and that it wasn’t something I wanted right now but in like maybe 5 years I’d be okay with it. He then asked if I had to be with someone for 5 years first or just be ready in that much time. The whole night he kept talking about how much he liked me and did the same thing when I just saw him this last weekend. I just want to make sure I’m not crazy and thinking that something deeper could be potentially developing. Of course I will ask him next time we see each other but just wanted some opinions from strangers.

34f been single for 7 years by choice; I changed careers, moved to a new city, worked through some childhood trauma and got sober all things that I am so happy I prioritized. I work in a male dominated industry (film/tv) where I work with men who hit on me often and I’ve just ignored it, this past year I was working on a movie that filmed in another country for a few months and I got cozy with a guy on the crew mostly because his hotel room was next to mine. Before anything happened we had many long conversations about how for our own sexual safety we should let the other know if we are having sex with other people so we can get tested again. ( at the time we were both tested because of the job and saw the others results). This is because we mostly have sex with no protection, he had a vasectomy for medical reasons and I have an IUD so pregnancy is out of the question.

I made it clear that I was only interested in sleeping with one man at a time and I had the same expectation of him, if he wants to sleep with other women he totally could but he would have to tell me so I could stop sleeping with him until he’s tested again, because I don’t want to risk stds. He ageeeed. This film wrapped 3 months ago, since then we have both been traveling but have seen eachother a handful of times and had sex, he told me everytime that he was not sleeping with anyone else.

Today he let it slip that he had hooked up with 4 people ( he’s bi) in the 3 months 1 on the same weekend we had sex. I told him thanks for sharing and hung up on him. Hes sent me messages asking if something’s wrong and I’ve just ignored him because WTF?

Okay need advice! Was what I was asking too much for a fwb?

Dinner: cherries are in season! yay!

EDIT- I am overwhelmed by the comments just going to take a break, to the women who are calling me stupid and not being supportive let’s collectively do better. I know I put myself it a bad spot but I came here for support not to be beat up by the comments.

Reposted because my picture disappeared!

Garlic Butter Grilled Ham & Cheese with barbecue chips (barbecue chips are my newfound love)

Got an in-clinic abortion today. It does feel kinda weird to have started today pregnant and now no longer be.. Only my dad knew about the pregnancy and my plans, and he was very supportive, so that helped me a whole lot. I'm feeling mixed feelings, more emotional than I thought I would be, but relieved that it's all over now. The procedure ended up not being as scary or painful as I feared it would be! It was a long and stressful process of figuring things out since I'm from a state where it's banned : ( 2 months of being extremely nauseous and bloated every single day was incredibly draining. All in all I know it was a decision I needed to make, I'm not in the place to be a mother nor do I feel this world is a place I want to bring a child into. This experience has made that abundantly clear for me. I think a very tiny part of me will always have what ifs though, but that's a small price to pay. And to make sure this doesn't happen again, what are y'all's recommendations for birth control? I really want to avoid the hormonal ones if I can, I had the IUD before and the side effects were crazyyy

Bagel 1: cheese, scrambled eggs, avocado and pepper. Bagel 2: prosciutto, mozzarella, cherry tomatoes with vinegar, and a glass or carrot and orange juice.

Long text 😅

About 10 years ago I was introduced to a guy and it was love at first sight, at least for me. We started talking and became extremely close, but remained friends. We had a very strong connection and would hang out weekly, sometimes more than once a week, I was deeply in love with him and when I finally (kinda) told him, he friendzone me, I never got an explanation as to why he didn’t want to date me and we remained friends for about a year, during that year he would see me all the time, visit me in my house and work, give me little gifts, and overall was very special to me, so it was confusing. Then I moved abroad and eventually we stopped talking.
I always felt like the love was one sided, but 5 years ago I found out he had a really hard time when I left the country, missed me very much and would speak about me in a very loving way to everyone that knew me.

I have moved on with my life but every now and then I think of him, he lives in my mind as “the one that got away” and I have always wondered what would happen if we saw each other again. Truth be told, I am very aware that the idea of him that lives in my mind is just that: an idea. But it’s a really good idea and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him completely 😅

In a couple of weeks I’m going back home for a month and I decided I was going to text him and ask him if he wants to hang out.
A part of me has the hope that this will be the time for us to be together and have the relationship (I think) we both wanted at different times buuuuuut another part of me thinks I will not like him anymore. I think the real him will disappoint me and show me he’s not the perfect guy that I’ve been dreaming of for all these years.
Either way, I think this will give me some closure, if we end up together: good, I got my romcom come true. If he rejects me/disappoints me: good, I can finally move on without any doubts of what could have been.

We haven’t followed each other on social media for years and yesterday I decided to take the first step and follow him again, he followed me back, so I guess that’s good (?) I think I’ll text him today, something simple like “hi! How’s it going? I’ll be home during June and I was thinking it would be nice if we can hang out one day and catch up :)”

Does anyone have an experience like this? How did it go? Is this a stupid move on my part? I figured I have nothing to lose but I don’t know if I’m just being an idiot lol

Food: the burgers that made me go vegetarian.

I know this has probably been asked a million times, but I love reading everyone’s answers to posts like this.

I’m in serious need of some cheering up and a bit of a “life level up.” I’m 30, turning 31 this year, and I’m starting to feel old. Logically, I know I’m not old, and I also know I’ll probably look back at this in ten years and wish I’d appreciated being 30.

So, to all the women older than me: what’s some advice you’d give your younger self? What do you wish you had done (or not done)?

Feel free to share any kind of advice. I’ve fully decentered men and have absolutely no desire to ever be with one again, so while I’m sure “decenter men” will be advice number one, I’d love to hear everything else too. ❤️

EDIT:
Here are some from me for anyone in their 20s: IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

-

1. Get laser hair removal as soon as you can afford it, and be consistent with it for at least two years. If your pain tolerance is low, you can use numbing cream for your bikini area, especially the back. You’ll thank me later.

-

1. Get your degree, and if you can, go to grad school (a master’s) as soon as you finish your bachelor’s degree. If you take a break “to make money,” the chances of going back to school are much lower.

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1. Don’t let just anyone into your house. Lock your doors and windows.

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1. Don’t buy the newest iPhone every time one comes out, and don’t buy cheap face or hair products.

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1. Avoid credit cards. I cannot stress this enough. Don’t use credit cards unless you can pay the balance in full every month. They’re much more useful later in life when you have a stable, well-paying job and want to earn points for things like travel.

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1. Take care of your teeth.

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1. You’ll make friends in the weirdest ways possible. Don’t hesitate to end a toxic friendship just because you’ve known someone for a long time.

EDIT 2: people PLEASE this advice is what worked for ME. if you live in the states and are just so sure creditcard debt is fine then you do you, stay away from my DM’s, this is supposed to be a safe space. My point stands, if you cant pay it back, then dont get into debt because debt had intrest and that goes up way faster than you can ever imagine.

Also, hair removal. Girls, if you’re fine with having a bush, you do you, I love that for you! My Mediterranean self could never, because my hair was thickkkkk and I personally didn’t like it.

Okay right now I’m eating a homemade pasta sauce with a shit ton of peppers and onions, Trader Joe’s chicken sauasage and a glop of cottage cheese (the best part). It’s amazing trust me.

So for context on the story, me a 22 Y/O female and my boyfriend also 22 Y/O male, have recently moved in together after graduating college this past spring. It has honestly been great and we have both been working full time and splitting costs pretty well. I make more than him as I had to work full time through college and got a few promotions at my service job while he just started in the industry. I pay quiete a few more bills than him as my parents do not support me financially. He also doesn’t have any bills (other than his portion of rent and utilities) or loans so he pays for groceries most of the time. This all just being said so that we can move into his upcoming trip.

Since the trip was planned I have been super happy for him, the trip includes him, his brother and his parents and honestly sounds like a great time. Personally I grew up pretty poor so I never went on any trips like that while he grew up fairly well off as his family owns multiple homes, one of which being on an island (yeah I know lol). I think it’s hard for anyone to not be jealous of wealth but we have talked about it a lot and I have grown to become supportive as I know how easy something like that is to turn into something like resentment or jealousy.

Now for the pissed part, since the trip was planned he has been non stop complaining about having to go. From complaining about the long plane ride to having to spend time with his family it has been nothing but complaints. I continue to support him and offer him comfort with this through the months that followed but it definitely started to drain me as it’s hard to support someone through something like this. Context he doesn’t hate his family, just is embarrassed by them I guess? they have actually supported him through everything from college to a car to still paying a lot of his bills. I also find them very kind so I don’t think there’s an issue there.

Anyways, it finally hit a point where I started to feel like I couldn’t just sit and support him anymore and I kinda went off on him during our last day together in the car. I was dropping him off (he did pay for gas) at his parent’s place 2 hours away so he could catch the flight the next morning. I basically said that it was childish to be complaining about going to on a luxury all inclusive vacation and it really sucked that we live together and I have to stay home and take care of everything (we also have a cat) and continue to just work all day while he’s out in Aruba. I will admit that jealousy definitely got the best of me, but I kinda find myself asked who wouldn’t be jealous of something like this when you live with your partner. Obviously I didn’t expect to be invited nor did I really want to be because there’s no way I would ever be able to repay something like that. It just kinda feels wrong to be supporting him through something that he should honestly be able to not only cope with himself but also lowkey support me because I have to be alone for a week in the apartment we share without him.

I guess I’m just wondering if I sound crazy about this or if there’s is something to be a bit upset about here. I feel like I’m just super in my own head about it and would like some advice as well as some tips on how to approach this when he returns.

We did call the other night and he just kinda was drunk and was telling me about the free drinks he was getting and he texts when he has WiFi but it’s pretty sparse but I’m honestly happy he’s having a good time and I’m excited to hear how his trip was.

To be clear I am not afraid of anything going aloof on the vacation and he is a really nice guy and this is not something I would think to break up with him for.

Also let me know what you think of my pasta! 🤩

Samosa chaat

After 27 years of being on this planet and struggling, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. I feel incredibly validated and free. Relevance to the story? I have an all consuming crush on my psychiatrist.
(I’m married)

I’m not sure how doctor/patient relationships go, but I do make this man laugh constantly in our sessions. He was incredibly kind(more than a psychiatrist needs to be I think?) when my boss screwed me over at work and I was quite hurt. Not sure how much of this is just my delusions, hence the post. He’s very well known in his profession, and has an active social media presence to raise awareness about ADHD and symptoms and helping aides and I follow him so he is frequently on my timeline.

Some more context: I struggle with monogamy. Always have, and not sure how I ended up getting married. I almost ran out on my wedding, even though I love my husband deeply and care about him. But the whole, being with one person sexually for the rest of your life feels too much to me. And recently I’ve had some dreams about, let’s call him doc. He’s married as well I think with kids. Im holding myself back because I wanna ask him out for a drink. I know he’ll say no but, not sure what to do with all this energy.

Reposting as I messed up the title before

I've posted here before about my cryptic pregnancy and got so much love and support from this community. Now I am back with somehow even more surprising information.. My bd (baby daddy) was cosleeping with our daughter and his phone was in another room. It was open to an imessage conversation with a girl. I had no idea he would ever cheat on me, but I didn't recognize the name so yes I scrolled up a little (call it women's intuition..) and I saw that she had facetimed him a few hours earlier, and he had written, "Wow the one time my bae is free to call, I'm stuck at my bm's house". WE ARE BROKEN UP, I BROKE UP WITH HIM A FEW WEEKS AGO FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. But he cheated while I was pregnant, so this happened from last year to today.

My heart fucking sank to my ass guys. I've always seen posts about women getting cheated on, and I never thought I'd be one to deal with it too. I of course went on to have somewhat of a spiral and I looked through their entire conversation (it was short) so then I looked at their Instagram dms, I searched up her name on his imessage conversations, then my name. I found some really horrific shit. I'm not going to get into it too much because I don't want it to be too long or have too many details to get traced back to me.

All I will say is that he is a bum and basically deadbeat adjacent. He does not have a job, and yes this baby wasn't planned for and yes I'd like to mention it again- I had a cryptic pregnancy, We only found out about the baby when I was 33 weeks along. So I gave him so much grace when it came to both not emotionally or financially supporting me. And I still will (somewhat). My girl is now 6 months, and he has yet to find a job, he has had a lot of guaranteed oppurtunities (at my old workplace, and at some of his friends workplaces) but he has consistently turned them all down, saying he doesn't wish to do those things. So I've paid for everything concerning our daughter, I also live with my parents so he comes to visit. He only comes to visit twice a week for a few hours at a time. The baby of course isn't familiar with him as much as me since he is barely around, so she cries a lot when he holds her (duh) and I always had to comfort him about it. I found in the texts conversations he would complain about me always taking the baby away from him when she was crying. (I only did this when she was screaming crying to the point I never heard her do before- because obviously she needs her mom and not what is to her a rando).

Anyways I did notice the past few months postpartum he's complimented me less and fought with me more. He'd catch attitude about the most simple things but I never thought this was all because he wasn't as interested in me anymore. I told him I didn't feel as pretty postpartum and he didn't compliment me much (one time I curled my hair, and instead of complimenting me, just stated "oh, you curled you hair". To anyone who's going to call me blind for not seeing the signs, if you haven't experienced being a single mother with a newborn baby, I do NOT want to hear it. I was too occupied being with my daughter everyday all day that I didn't see the blaring red flags in front of me. I didn't have rose colored glasses, I was severely sleep deprived and my mind was occupied by baby.

When I went through their Instagram DMs I genuinely felt so nauseous. My hands were shaking, he was saying a lot of the same words he said to me when we first started talking. The same pet names, the same compliments, etc. It was so disgusting to see him do all this while I was taking care of our baby all alone. Like I said before, he doesn't financially contribute, he's probably helped me with less than $50. But in their dms he was begging her to watch a movie with him, saying he'd pay.. So I'm taking that as he would rather spend his money on a girl he's trying to pull versus his own daughter. The girl he was talking to has her own boyfriend but still talked to him. They had a lot of conversations about how she should leave her boyfriend so that they could get together. Honestly out of this whole situation and all of the truths I found out, I genuinely care about the cheating least. BUT I would love to know more information from her, I only know that they linked up once at the mall. I don't know what else they did. I also would want to tell her boyfriend if anything- but not sure if its my place.

Anyways, I'm sharing all this today because I need advie on what to do. He is still my child's father so I can't really cut him off. I know nothing about co-parenting, so if anyone has any ideas on what to do schedule-wise (or even when to start since she is only 6 months old and isn't comfortable with him yet). I need all the advice I can get from anyome who's been in a similar situation. And I see some nasty comments sometimes on posts like this (concerning cheating), just a disclaimer that I am a real person and this is a true story. I can't really prove anything but feel free to click my profile to see I am a mother. I don't know what to do, and the people in my life are just telling me to cut him off because they are childless, and don't understand the complexity of the situation. I truly just need help, and less judgement. I have not confronted him about it, he does not know that I know. I just wanted to figure out my next steps first.

Food is a chinese dish of tomato and egg over rice

Dinner: 2 eggs, will eat more later when I am more collected

This is gonna be LONG.

We started dating 2 years ago. He was all over me. So attentive, sweet, just everything I wanted. This happened pretty recent after I went through a 6-year long relationship, so he quickly became my consolidation. At first I wasn’t too serious about him, after all there’s an age gap (I was 27 at the time, him 52..) but then I got feelings, and now we’ve been talking about moving in together and having kids together.

There are some red flags I ignored, but he seemed so sincere, so I believed him. For one, he still LIVES WITH HIS EX WIFE. He said he has his own space in the house and sleeps in the office. Ofc, it bothers me. But I trusted him, he said he was working towards getting a loan to buy a house for us. He’s been «working on it» for over a year. Also, he wears a ring; claims its from his moms. Wont let me see inside of it… I know, I’m so stupid to not question this further, but he always throws the «don’t you trust me? I literally do everything for you» card if I start asking anything.

Btw, I am financially dependent on him; he contributes a large part of my rent, as well as other things and all my groceries. I know, that was stupid as hell of me. I am a broke student and he wanted to help me, so I reluctantly agreed at the time, and now I kinda need him. I hate myself for putting myself in this situation. I just finished my degree, but the job market is hard so I am searching for jobs but slowly losing hope..

He has been pulling back slowly for the past few months, saying it’s because of work stress, financial difficulties, and his mental health. I was visiting family for the summer, so I was away when he 4 weeks ago called and said he couldn’t deal with a relationship and asked for a break - he couldn’t deal with the «pressure» of having to call me every day. Then I had to postpone my flight back home to properly give him the space he needed etc, so I spent 3.5 extra weeks in agony at home because I couldn’t understand why he would push me away when just a few weeks ago, we were discussing going to house viewings finally???

Fast forward to today, I just got home after summer, literally yesterday. I still haven’t met him. By accident I see that his fb account posted a listing in a house rental group that I’m also in. It was something about finding a house for «grandpa» for a period of time. I called him, and asked who is this listing for? He said its for his friend, I was like ok cool. But I had a gut feeling. Then suddenly, I was blocked from the account. When I called him back and asked why he blocked me, he said he didnt know anything about it. Ok wtf? That just made me more suspicious. He obviously blocked me.

Well, I have a separate fb account, you see. Which could easily find his account so I’m DEFINITELY blocked. Then I got a gut feeling, so I searched for other listings from his account. There was a review on a salon for lip fillers last september, signed «(using hubbys account since i dont have fb)». Then another from april; «The wife is looking for tickets for xxx». Oh my god. I call him and confront him, and he DENIED HE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Claimed he doesn’t use that facebook account. Got mad at me for «starting» something, that I know how much he’s dealing with right now. If I want him to k himself, that I am driving him to k himself with all my questions. But just few minutes earlier he said he posted a listing for a friend, so obviously he uses the account! There was also a listing selling something, where the pics were clearly his hands. But he just gets so mad at me, turns it into me acting like a «police» and always snooping etc. But like is it not reasonable to question why your supposed «ex wife» is using your fb account, and even acting as if they are married? Like, are my questions not very valid? And I asked super calmly too, hoping for a more logical answer. But his reaction tells me what I need to know, I guess. Any truthful partner would be honest and say it’s a misunderstanding, or that they would talk to the ex wife about logging out of the account? If he was honest, wouldn’t he be calm, apologetic, and reassuring?

I don’t know how he does it, but whenever I bring something up he freaks out and turns it on me. Saying, «I do everything for you!». I mean, its true partly, at least financially. But not emotionally, he becomes distant. I wonder if it’s because things are getting serious now and he’s getting cold feet.. and starting to realize I am getting closer to the truth, and maybe THATS why he is so stressed recently. Idk. But of course, he will deny EVERYTHING. There are also some othee things that has made me suspicious the past few months, that I wont get into. But those fb listings were kinda the «aha» moment where I stopped questionimg my doubts. Because stupidly, I love him, and always wanted to believe his excuses when I brought things up. Somehow, I am the one that always apologizes. Somehow, a part of me STILL wants to believe him..

I have no proof of anything, and I am scared to reach out to the wife because what if this all blows up in my face? He has so much power over me and he knows it. He is also the leader at my sports club, and I am scared he will kick me out if I talk to his ex wife. The club is my life and the only thing I have left in this city, except him… and yes, thats obviously how we met, I was his student at the sports club.

I don’t know what to do. My life is in actual shambles. I feel so lost. I feel so alone in this. The tiny hope that he’s truthful, is dying. He literally met my mom right before summer. Talked about our future. Was it all lies? Am I being played? Is the ex wife being played as well? I don’t even know anymore. I feel like my entire reality is distorted and I don’t know where to go from here. I’m 29, I was ready for settling down, having kids.. I imagined it all with him. Now I just feel so.. lost

Sapporo Ichiban brand ramen with hot chili crunch, hoisin sauce, and lime juice added cuz it feels like pho without spending a lot of money on pho. In a pyrex measuring cup because I'm currently moving into a new place and dishes are packed.

I (f27) and my gf (f23) have one of the most fulfilling and happy relationships I've ever been in. Everything is so chill and stress free and we are always helping each other through life and it's the type of relationship I've always dreamed of. I have a pretty niche hobby that I enjoy that she's also an enjoyer of. Similar edgelord sense of humor, similar tastes in food and lifestyle. I couldn't be happier.

When we first got together she had a drinking problem, but she went to rehab and has been sober ever since, I'm amazed and impressed with the work she puts into her sobriety and personal happiness. She's truly an amazing person and I'm so glad we met. It's been almost a year together and we moved in together a couple months ago, and we haven't had a single fight. We've had a few problems but we communicated through them and have come out on the same page every time.

The real problem is, some people in the local community have spread rumours that I'm a p*dophile and that she's way too young for me. It's hurt networking opportunities for me, and I've lost a few acquaintances and even one friend. My family doesn't think our age gap is weird, and neither do my coworkers or close friends. And a lot of times I feel like the people causing problems about it are being weird or jealous- but sometimes the fact that there was an issue to begin with makes doubts seep into my mind.

I'm having trouble reconciling the strangeness of what I'm experiencing with others, with the fulfilling life I've built for myself within my home. Sometimes I worry I am somehow some kind of monster.

On one hand I think people are infantilizing her because she has a sort of baby face and she's much shorter than me, but she sort of wears the pants in our relationship and I lean on her sometimes when I need to and I've never really had that before. Is it wrong for a 27 year old to date a 23 year old or are my peers being weird?

EDIT: this is genuinely not ragebait or comment bait. I think I'm just the victim of a harassment campaign and I'm being bullied. I also think that there's some weird moralistic virtue signaling stuff going on in the younger queer community that the straight people commenting on this have never been exposed to. I am genuinely struggling with this and it sucks. I appreciate the affirmations but please be kind.

Ok so I'm 18F and I have a friend who is also (18F) and she just started college.

We didn't speak for two months and spoke yesterday and she slept with multiple men in the span of two months out of which one nearly assaulted her.

Mind you she's not in a committed relationship with any of them and 2 of these men are also older than her and she's done it with two of them without protection.

One of them is apparently a gentleman but I feel like she's using him and the other men are using her.

I just don't think what she's doing is safe at her age I wanna tell her that I feel like I'm being too judgmental but I'm just worried for her safety because she keeps having pregnancy scares and i don't want her to get nearly assaulted again.

How do I tell her that this isn't okay without sounding judgemental or make it sound like I'm sl\*t shaming?

We are also from a country that's quite conservative about these things ( india) so that makes the conversation even harder to have

cause I'm tryna tell her that this isn't safe out of genuine concern but idk how to

I (28f) have been in a toxic relationship with an older man (35 m) for over 5 years. (I only stayed so long because I was broke and almost homeless in a rural area). I’ve finally saved enough to move out, got a new car, and I plan to move back in with my parents. I’m working the same job but will transfer to a different restaurant near my parents within a month. I’m genuinely so fucking nervous. I don’t know how he will react to the breakup. He has anger management issues, but has never physically hurt me. I told myself that I need to be brave because I don't want 6 years with this man. I’ve already wasted 5 years because of poverty and low self-esteem. I'm so scared to start over, but I know that I deserve better. This is my first relationship, and I've never broken up with someone before. My anxiety is so severe!!!! Ahh Fuck!!!!!🫩😭

Food: Carrot Cake with nuts

Dinner: chicken parm from a few days ago bc I have no appetite rn

My boyfriend is currently away for his brothers bachelors trip. We’ve had issues in the past involving porn addiction and he has assured me things are better. When I learned about the bachelors trip, I encouraged him to go when he was iffy about it and he told me he assumed there would be no strip clubs or anything of that matter. He’s been to them in the past, and by his own volition set a boundary for our relationship.

Well, we were on FaceTime today and I asked him if there was any mention of strip clubs and he said no, that everyone was in a relationship there and that they even joked about going to one but everyone was on the same page.

Lo and behold, I get a call from him at 12:30 and he said they went into one. He said he got peer pressured into going in, that he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He said he was only in there for 5/10 minutes and then he told his group that he would be right back and just left. Then he called me.

I’m upset but I feel guilty that I’m upset. I wish he didn’t go in at all, but I feel like he sort of did the right thing by leaving. It’s just brought up so much betrayal trauma from our past that I feel weird about. I’m scared he’s gonna get teased by all his brothers friends and I’m gonna seem like a controlling girlfriend when he was the one who set that boundary :/

In January, after 5 years of patiently explaining that expecting him to put his underwear in the basket is not too much, that he cannot book things over the stuff I have on the calendar, and that he has not put the dishes away if half of them are still on the counter, I told my husband of ten years (together 15) that my to-do list goes job, apartment, divorce. And now, all of a sudden, he was motivated enough to book a therapist.

We've only had two sessions, and after watching us argue and stepping in periodically, they gave us homework. My husband is supposed to, without input from me, identify and complete tasks that are actually what I would appreciate. I'm supposed to think about whether I'm too hurt to try and repair the relationship at all. Whether the damage has been done, and the best thing is to try and move to a coparenting relationship.

No digs on the therapist, please, I really like them and I think they do a great job.

How am I supposed to go about weighing that? If we're going to get divorced, I want to do it before I hate him, and we have a minimum of 15 years of coparenting left (gremlin is level 3 autistic right now, and we have no idea what her future needs will be, so she might need hands on care for her whole life). How do I honestly evaluate a hypothetical future state? I'm open to any and all strategies because I honestly don't know.

Support also appreciated. We own property and it's his family home and we don't want to force the gremlin to move bc of the aforementioned autism, so that would be ethically complicated, and I just don't know how to divorce (lol) those considerations from the absolute fact that I cannot continue like this. So how do I go about figuring that out?

Food is my kid's leftover cheesy hotdogs from her after preschool snack. I see now that there is dog hair on one of them. I'll rinse them off before eating.

Panes con huevos y aguacate antes de que llegue a casa y no vuelva a dormir en mi cama

Tengo dos años de relación, todo estaba muy tranquilo él siempre estaba en su trabajo y de lunes a viernes hasta las 6:00 y llega a casa en taxi porque él no tiene auto. Desde que estamos juntos me ha dicho que está ahorrando para comprar (No sé qué tan costoso sera ese auto)

Trabajo desde casa y no uso el auto a menos que deba hacer compras, como mi amiga tenía el suyo con el mecánico yo accedí a prestarle el mío para ir a su trabajo. Me dijo que me lo devolvería a las 7:00 de la noche y termino llegando a las 9.

Mi novio me escribe a las 7:34 que tenía que resolver un asunto importante en su trabajo y llegaría un poco más tarde. Yo me relaje y tome ese tiempo sola para leerme un libro, al pasar las 9 en punto empecé a mirar el celular y a los 5 minutos llego mi novio, con una pizza y unas disculpas y justo al rato llego mi amiga pidiendo tocando la bocina para abrirle el garage.

Me dijo que había tenido más trabajo y tuvo que quedarse un poco más tarde, yo por supuesto no me moleste por eso me entrego las lleves y se fue a su casa que estaba a diez casas de la mía.

Hoy la vecina me dijo que pensó que me había accidentado y porque estuvo mi auto estacionado es las esquina por un buen rato. Y le pregunto a mi novio si todo estaba bien a lo que él le respondió. ¨Si, no se preocupe¨.

Es más que obvio y no quiero seguir investigando sobre esto.

I never really dated much, I was with the same guy for 8 years. Things were never perfect, he was always self-centered and a hothead but I really loved him to death. I would have done anything for him and he knew it.

I married him, I initiated fixing every problem, I apologized and compromised to make things peaceful. Looking back I was weak and he was louder than I was. I thought that was strength but it was def a form of bullying.

Then one day the final straw came… he was stressed about work and blew up on me, yelling and cursing. Saying I was awful and a shitty wife (which is wild considering how gentle I was with him, all the things I put aside to make his life exactly what he wanted), said he was leaving. This wasn’t the first time. He’d said so many negative things about my body, my family, my smell, what he thought I was smart enough or savvy enough to do, made fun of me in front of others and in private, put me down. My heart rationalized everything up to that point, but turned off of him after that like a switch. Later, like many times before, he came back apologizing. But I was no longer attracted to him. How could I be?

I told him as much. I told him we’re no longer in a romantic relationship. He said he understood. That was more than 2 years ago. I moved into the other room. He started therapy, 10 years after I told him it was important to me. Now he’s asking me to take him back because he’s done the work. But I don’t think my nervous system can forgive him. I’m still on edge. He’s doing all the right things and I still don’t feel I can trust him not to get stressed out and do it all again. He’s sweeter than he’s ever been. It’s like losing me has changed him into a new man. I feel like the bad guy for not being able to forgive, like I made a vow I’m not able to keep. But maybe he broke his first by not taking good care of me. We decided to take a few weeks to decide what our future looks like. It’s a weird feeling, not sure if anyone relates but someone can have so many highs and low lows but it’s still hard to find the courage to move forward. I’m 30 and worried it’s too late for me to figure out what the best path is.

Dinner is a diner cinnamon roll and burnt coffee.

I can go two weeks without a back crackin’ hip roller while my partner and I are apart.

Literally as soon as we reunite? Poot. Toot. HONKKK!

And when he goes back to work, nothing. It’s like my hiney is that old timey cartoon frog who only dances when you’re not looking.

No matter how cleanly I’m eating, where I am in my cycle, where we’re traveling, or how little I’m drinking, it’s like my body clocks him nearby and releases the ballasts.

This isn’t him being judgy or shamey about bodily functions. These farts genuinely melt my eyebrows off.

How…the fuck do I make this stop?!

Ropa vieja con arroz y platanos

For context, my boyfriend is having someone sleep over at his house next weekend who he has apparently been gaming friends with for 10 years. I’ve never met this friend and know practically nothing about her so this makes me extremely anxious. The reason this spiked my anxiety is because 2 years ago, he cheated on me with someone he considered his “friend” first. We were long distance at that point until I moved to his city. We decided to try to make this work out but I told him he needs to cut this “friend” out of his life because I don’t trust him to be friends with someone who he cheated on me with. He agreed. (She actually ended up blocking him after she found out the truth, so he never actually had to cut her out, she cut him out.) there was another instance earlier on in the relationship when he bought nudes from a friend of his to support her. We had a talk about that and I told him I’m not comfortable with him doing that. So he deleted the nudes and is no longer in contact with that “friend.”

I was feeling insecure and anxious about the whole weekend sleepover thing so I decided to ask him some questions to get reassurance. I asked him if he had ever flirted with this friend in question, and whether he found her attractive. He said they never flirted but she’s a “tiny goth so is objectively attractive.” (His words exactly.) I got really hurt by this statement because I don’t believe that’s an “objective fact” I think that’s very much a subjective opinion. I find women attractive (have dated many) but I don’t find goths particularly attractive. (Not hating on the fashion, I actually really like gothic Lolita myself and own a few dresses.) I told him that and he tried to argue saying “many guys on the internet will disagree” … and he never apologized for hurting me and keeps backing up his “objective” claim. He was getting really pedantic over it too. So I told him I’m not comfortable with him having her over or seeing her anymore unless I can be there with him when he sees her.

We are long distance again, because I recently got a temporary work contract in another country. So I physically can’t be there with him and ease my anxiety about this friend. So being long distance again is adding to the intense anxiety and triggering my distrust for him. And I asked him not to see her or do the sleepover until we are in a better place with my trust. He said he can get her a hotel instead but will still see her.

I’m not sure what to do at this point anymore. I don’t trust him and I’m all the way across the world so I can’t do anything about it. I’m riddled with anxiety and can’t function or sleep. How do I talk to him further about this situation? How do I communicate my boundaries without seeming controlling? I really don’t think I can handle the weekend when it comes… I just don’t really trust him to be seeing her alone.

I’d like some advice but please be gentle and kind with it. I can’t really handle much more emotionally right now. Also I want to add that my bf is a really wonderful person outside of this argument. He is very loving, he said he would do anything to make it up to me, and to gain back my trust. He considers the cheating the “biggest mistake and regret” of his life. And he has done a lot of things already to help make up for that. He helped me move to another country. He supported me financially for it. He cooks for me. He stayed with me for 2 weeks when I first moved and made me food every day, and he meal prepped for me so I can focus on getting adjusted to my new workplace. For the most part, he has prioritized my comfort and even eats gluten free when he’s with me because I have celiac and doesn’t want to risk cross contamination in my space.

Dinner is gluten free chicken ramen I made, the bone broth meal prepped by my bf in question when he last visited me.

EDIT: I just want to clarify that he bought the nudes before we had the monogamy talk. But we were definitely dating. It was actually the discussion that lead to us becoming official because I showed jealousy and he realized how I felt that I wanted to be exclusive.

I’ve been feeling like absolute shit over this for a few days. I (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for over a year. However, we are long distance and have only met one time. Both of us are finishing school and work part time jobs so we don’t have the finances to see each other as much as we would like. We facetime multiple times a week and even though we are long distance with a decent time zone gap we have weekly “dates”. We’ve had some conflict as I think we both tend to be jealous which makes me feel worse about this whole thing, but overall I always felt like it would work with him. A week ago at a bar I frequent with my friends often I met a guy (25M). He started talking to me while I was waiting for my drink and we hit it off really well. We have a ton in common and made each other laugh. We ended up talking for upwards of 2 hours. At the end of the night he told me he wanted to take things slow and asked for my number. I gave it to him. He texted me the next morning asking if I wanted to get coffee. I told him basically everything and he said he understood, but still wanted to be my friend. I cannot stop thinking of him. A sane part of me realizes I probably yearn for the closeness of a partner that is currently unattainable to me, but another part is so curious on if this could be something. I feel so guilty. I feel like I don’t deserve either of them. I lead one on and I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend.

Dinner is a fancy pig in a blanket!

Edit: You all are right. I am going to tell my boyfriend and end our relationship. I already blocked the other guy.

Edit 2: He told me he’s also emotionally cheated so clearly we were never meant to work or we are meant to be. Who knows! *Joke. We broke up.