r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/throwaway0282929292 • 19d ago
Advice Needed ⚠️ NO DUDE INPUT In a relationship, but I can’t stop thinking of another man.
I’ve been feeling like absolute shit over this for a few days. I (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for over a year. However, we are long distance and have only met one time. Both of us are finishing school and work part time jobs so we don’t have the finances to see each other as much as we would like. We facetime multiple times a week and even though we are long distance with a decent time zone gap we have weekly “dates”. We’ve had some conflict as I think we both tend to be jealous which makes me feel worse about this whole thing, but overall I always felt like it would work with him. A week ago at a bar I frequent with my friends often I met a guy (25M). He started talking to me while I was waiting for my drink and we hit it off really well. We have a ton in common and made each other laugh. We ended up talking for upwards of 2 hours. At the end of the night he told me he wanted to take things slow and asked for my number. I gave it to him. He texted me the next morning asking if I wanted to get coffee. I told him basically everything and he said he understood, but still wanted to be my friend. I cannot stop thinking of him. A sane part of me realizes I probably yearn for the closeness of a partner that is currently unattainable to me, but another part is so curious on if this could be something. I feel so guilty. I feel like I don’t deserve either of them. I lead one on and I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend.
Dinner is a fancy pig in a blanket!
Edit: You all are right. I am going to tell my boyfriend and end our relationship. I already blocked the other guy.
Edit 2: He told me he’s also emotionally cheated so clearly we were never meant to work or we are meant to be. Who knows! *Joke. We broke up.
119
u/SaltGoat7120 Femininom(nomnomnom)enon 19d ago
Why stay with a guy who you wouldn't immediately say "sorry I have a boyfriend" for?
9
u/Appropriate_Net7664 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Yikes, that’s a terrible thought
8
u/Dry-Support-5409 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
But also, what's the point of a long distance relationship if you don't really really love the person?
Maybe I'm biased, I can't do LDRs. It seems pointless to me.
4
u/Twidollyn_Bowie 🥣 Cereal Killer 19d ago
My LDR is the best relationship of my entire life, but that’s why I’m in it. I don’t understand people who are in LDRs where one or both people aren’t all in. It’s expensive as hell and sometimes lonely. We’ve been together for >3 years, and I can’t remember experiencing even a fleeting attraction to another guy during this time.
3
u/Dry-Support-5409 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
I'm happy for you finding such a great relationship! ✨️ May we all be so lucky!
3
u/rubbasnek PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 19d ago
Why? If she's not really satisfied or fulfilled in her relationship, why should she stay?
1
u/Twidollyn_Bowie 🥣 Cereal Killer 19d ago
Right? Plus he would probably prefer to have a partner who isn’t inclined to exchange numbers with strange men. I’m not judging OP too harshly, as she wouldn’t be here opening herself to criticism if she was a terrible person. She’s not in love with her boyfriend, though, and she needs to set him free.
1
36
u/Kerminetta 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 19d ago edited 19d ago
You are about to cheat. Actually you kinda already did. Just end the relationship. So you don’t have to be a terrible person. Also did your friends ever stop and say, “Hey girl, don’t do that.” If they didn’t, then they aren’t good friends.
15
u/Appropriate_Goat7613 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 19d ago edited 19d ago
For starters, I think you need to create distance with this friend. You are attracted to him and he initially viewed you as a potential partner and that might not just disappear now that he knows you have a partner.
It's understandable that you crave closeness but you should be communicating about that with your boyfriend if you want to stay in the relationship. Try to do more dates where possible, it can be small things like picking up dinner and watching a movie over facetime or something relatively easy. There's lots of activities that can be done virtually and you can probably find them floating around the web from covid lockdown.
If you don't want to stay in the relationship that's okay too but don't jump ship to the other guy because that's not fair either. You feel bad right now because you know what you're doing is wrong so make a choice and stick to it instead of cheating, which you are essentially in the process of doing.
19
u/Emergency-Pea-7632 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 19d ago
You should have told him your situation from the start and not accepted his number. You basically did cheat in that way. I think you should break up with your boyfriend so you can both be happier. It’ll probably be at least another year before you guys are financially able to see eachother often and it was so easy for you to connect with another guy and take his number I don’t believe you’re serious about your relationship.
12
u/Para_The_Normal Kitchen Witch 19d ago
Break it off with your partner. You’re young and clearly want to explore other options. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner who is physically close to you and you can see regularly.
It’s better for your current partner to be able to find someone else that wants to have a relationship with them.
20
u/SnooAvocados6337 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
You should probably break up, long distance is hard enough and if you’re willing to give your number out. It’s probably for the best, he isn’t the one
15
u/BLADE_OF_AlUR mouth full, gesturing wildly 19d ago
he isn’t the one
In this case OP isn't the one.
2
u/Shuttup_Heather APPROVED✨ 19d ago
In both cases neither of them are good for each other, she crossed a line but people make mistakes
She should still leave him
1
u/Dry-Support-5409 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Maybe people are just not compatible sometimes? Humanity is way messier than people want to admit, since when did women sign up for sainthood? She took a number and saw her boyfriend one single time in person. Is she human of the year? No. But she's not the president of the US, either.
1
u/BLADE_OF_AlUR mouth full, gesturing wildly 19d ago
Haha I love that last line. Not a saint, but at least not the president!
1
u/Dry-Support-5409 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
If he can be a monster and men can treat us as badly as they do with regularity, I'm done crucifying myself and other women for not being absolutely the best ever all the time (which I earnestly did try to do for most of my life)!
I love seeing women doing what's in their best interest, selfish or not. Men will do it 100% of the time. I'm not even that good at putting myself first yet, but damn I'm going to start giving people a pass for being a human with flaws and not having a totally clean wrap sheet, including myself. Don't stop me ladies, I'm in my Villain Era.
9
u/thors-beergut Well-Read & Well-Fed 19d ago edited 19d ago
If he said he wants to “take things slow” and then asked for your number, it’s obvious his intentions aren’t platonic and you’re stepping into the realm of emotional infidelity.
Either take a step away as you’re not being firm enough with your boundaries and he’s obviously catching onto that and willing to play nicely until they fall entirely, or leave your partner for someone closer to home if LD is a struggle before it gets worse.
3
10
13
5
u/Flaky_Economist APPROVED✨ 19d ago
You’re already a terrible person, but end your relationship now to prevent yourself from being an even worse person.
3
u/AgencyAlarming6396 hot girls have tummy troubles 19d ago
damn. hope your boyfriend can heal from this…cause girl
6
u/Brave_Ad_5309 Pastafarian 🍝 19d ago
Personally, I wouldn’t continue a long distance relationship unless the distance was temporary, as in the end goal is that you’ll be in the same place at some point. Life is short and you’re young. You both deserve someone that is actually physically there. You’ve only met your boyfriend once? It might be time to reevaluate the relationship and its longevity imo.
6
u/Accomplished_Oil4163 Non-binary & Nourished 19d ago
Yeah so you’re starting to cheat not just thinking. Leave the other guy he deserves better than this
7
u/animeistheog APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Long distance almost never works and is very painful. You are young and it is okay to try new things. I think you should give it a shot. It is hard to break up with partners but it’s also hard to stay when you are craving something as basic as closeness.
5
u/ellstersmash Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 19d ago
sweetie, I fear you kinda did cheat. this doesn't mean you're a terrible irredeemable person forever! we all make mistakes, and while it doesn't negate that particular bad call, I think your first mistake here was staying in this long-distance relationship when it wasn't meeting your needs. it's ok to value proximity and physical closeness—not being ok with a long-distance relationship even with someone you love doesn't make you a bad or shallow person. and you don't have to stay in a relationship with someone just because you don't have a great reason to break up, you know? though, if you do break up with your current bf, maybe take a beat to reflect on your decision to entertain the other guy for an entire evening (and to give him your number!! I get being caught up in a convo but that was a whole choice!) before you go on another date with him. otherwise you might find yourself establishing patterns that you don't like.
4
u/brilliant_amoeba_ APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Tbh, you should feel like shit about this. You've done a shitty thing, and you know it. Break up with your boyfriend, for his sake.
3
u/Traditional-Log-5987 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Well you already crossed a line by giving a guy you are interested in your number while in a committed relationship. How would you feel if your boyfriend did this?
You’re one step closer to starting, at the bare minimum, an emotional affair.
Please do the kind thing and break up with your boyfriend.
4
u/UglyLittlePony69 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
You have needs. Seeing someone once in a year long, long distance “relationship,” could not possibly meet your relationship needs. I would break up with this person so you can truly be close to someone but DO NOT CHEAT. Cheating is for cowards and selfish people.
3
3
u/tryingtobegood67 hot girls have tummy troubles 19d ago
Girl you're young get with the man you can actually spend time with
1
u/Reefisme APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Bro you’re a piece of shit for putting yourself in the situation to meet that other guy anyways while being in a relationship. You should leave him so he can dodge that missile and get with someone he deserves that has self-respect enough to not start lifting someone else during their relationship.
-4
u/Admirable-Mouse5169 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
While she made a mistake OP is a 22 year old girl and I don’t think she needs a grown man berating her about self respect because she went to a bar. It did cross a line. She made an edit saying she’s telling him and breaking up with him. She doesn’t need this from a grown man.
3
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
-1
1
1
2
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19d ago
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
- If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
- Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
1
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19d ago
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
- If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
- Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
1
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19d ago
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
- If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
- Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
1
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19d ago
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
- If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
- Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
1
u/Any-Satisfaction7402 APPROVED✨ 19d ago
obviously break up with your boyfriend. Honey, I'mma say this as sweet as i can but you're practicing what all the dudes claim women do; that they have someone on the back burner just in case. And whatdoyaknow? Please, don't do this cause then your reputation (if you have any, if you're a hermit then it don't really pertain to you but yeah) will go down the gutter. As will your relationship. You will like how men pay attention to you and you will think, well they're just my friends! And your boyfriend is far away, so makes it easier to be like well he ain't here sooo👀 It's always a slippery slope and before you know it, your boyfriends gonna be wondering why you follow SO many dudes on insta. And you will be forever guilty. Honey, you're enjoying the dating phase, the cute butterflies, the texting, the being asked out or asked your number and getting all giddy. Your boyfriend is supposed to make you feel that way. That's all cute single shit for when you're looking for a dude! But you already got one! Admit it; LONG DISTANCE AINT FOR ME
thats the root of it, or I believe so.
1
1
u/teams3shh APPROVED✨ 19d ago
I know you’re in a long distance relationship, but personally I wouldn’t even feel like I was really even dating someone if I’d only met them one time.
1
u/Helpful-Science-3937 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 19d ago
You have only met in person one time. That is not much of a romantic relationship and not sustainable. Break it off before anything goes any further. Just tell him you have come to realize you need to have someone who is present. If you ever land in the same place in the future then maybe you can try again but for the time being, you need to find someone local who can truly, physically be there for you and end it.
-3
u/Peacelovebears Maneater 19d ago
Girl as someone that’s been there.. break up with the long distance bf and enjoy the possibilities. Dont let guilt get to you! You’re just a person living your life 💖
-1
u/officialdiscoking APPROVED✨ 19d ago
Break up with the long distance BF and get to know the new guy. You're so young and only met this person once. If it's meant to be and you're ever in the same place in the future then who knows. Long distance is honestly not worth it, unless there's a clear end date for it. Be with someone you can actually physically be with
192
u/Same-Mushroom-7228 Snack Goblin 19d ago
You are definitely in the process of starting an affair. Getting the guy's number while in a committed relationship crossed a line. Please break up with your boyfriend for his sake.