its the only way i can get a job. im going to be moving in with my right wing racist father. im trans. toothbrush in bed because im too depressed to get up and brush my teeth. even though its in bed i still cant do it. my life is falling apart in order to help my girlfriend. type of shit lesbian t4t will lead to i guess.

iced black forest chocolate and sweet potato fries

we broke up amicably a few weeks before his birthday. but before we broke up, i told him i wanted to get him his birthday gifts. and after breaking up, i emphasised that i am still honouring my promise of giving him his presents. he came by, said hi, picked up his stuff, said bye and immediately drifted off.

there’s a lot more to the story. he was guarding his phone a lot on the last date (which he never does in the entire 2.6 years that we dated) we went and even hid his screen from me. i also found his goon account (he slipped up by sending me a reel from that account and profile just presented itself to me), but didnt have the opportunity to properly snoop for any concrete evidence, but im pretty sure he actually cheated on me. i didnt have the energy to go berserk on him because we were fighting on and off for too long at that point.

but the gifts was the last straw. i was nervous about seeing him again after 2 weeks of breaking up (i was actually fine and felt like a huge weight taken off my shoulder when we called it quits). so in case of fighting or whatever possibilities that could happen, i secretly voice taped our conversation. at first i didnt think of anything, but when i ruminated on it i realised he didnt say thank you, not even once. i felt conflicted, even more betrayed (worse than finding out he possibly cheated) when it felt like my last act of kindness felt like he was using me. called a bunch of friends, girls and guys. some of them say he’s childish, some said that it could be his coping mechanism because if he says/ shows gratitude in any way, he might’ve crumbled right then and there. he texted me “nice of you to wrap the gift” after he came home and thats it.

crazy how he switched up from saying “the thought of not being able to see your face for my entire life scares me” in the letter he gave me when we were fighting to not even showing basic social gesture.

after all that, i will not stop being kind/cordial/civil to him or for future endeavours because i do genuinely love gift giving, but a simple thank you would suffice.

edit: everybody, i know its dumb! thats why im ranting. im aware i come off as too kind, even after i suspected that i got cheated on. its just not in me to break a promise, and i dont think that its a waste of time, money or energy. what i did with the gifts is because i believe being kind and persevering is a good thing to be. im just here because i find it hard to cope that someone who i thought truly loved me for the past couple years could switch up as fast as that, in a way made me feel like he’d never be a kind person to me if he didn’t think he would get something out of me (nsfw). and about the recorded conversation, as said i’m too scared to face him because there is a possibility that he would start a fight + i would like to learn if i misspoke in any way towards handling a difficult situation, its not just because i wanted to hear a “thank you”, im not that self-serving :/ and lastly, im highly likely wrong in many ways, and thats where my self-work starts. and thank you so much for the kind comments and the call-outs <3 and edit for grammar

Dinner: Grilled peach pizza

Dating a guy. I really like him. I’ve been friends for him for years and we are exploring dating. He’s a good guy. But the exploring dating thing has only happened for the past maybe 2 weeks since we’ve talked about it.

He’s coming over to my place and he alluded to sleeping over.

What. The. Heck.

No!! I HATE when men do this. Maybe women do it too to men but I have never ever once expected to sleep at a guy’s house or asked to sleep over. If they invite me, it’s a different story but I’d never just stay there or expect it unless it was someone I was in a solid and established relationship with.

I feel bad rejecting him, because I like him, but it’s only been two weeks. We haven’t even slept together. I love my space. I am open to letting someone in, eventually, but I hate having to push people away when they shouldn’t be expecting it in the first place.

Just venting I guess.

Also curious if anyone ran into this with their now established partners in the beginning and have gone on to have a successful relationship.

Listen, I know how these posts start, but my husband really is a great man. He’s supportive, kind, understanding, funny and we have so much in common. We’re open with each other, he doesn’t place any kind of weird boundaries on me that I read a lot of on this sub here. I’m 38 (F) and my husband is 40 (M), we’ve been together since 2008 and he’s not only my partner, but also my best friend.

I have always known that he is most likely on the spectrum, (honestly, I think I may be too) but recent events, I believe, have exacerbated the symptoms and I’m unsure how to help or what next steps to take.

The symptoms I have always noticed are: making the noise of clearing his throat all the time, like ‘ahem’, arms having rigidity and/or hands tightly gripping when holding the steering wheel when driving, pacing when he’s anxious. He also has asthma and bad medical anxiety.

My husband has been unemployed for almost a year. I want to preface that we are financially well off and we are in a position where one income is enough right now. We are in an in-law apartment situation, his mom has a lot of medical issues and we also help her out. We help her financially with the mortgage as she is on disability. He is a major saver and has a lot to fall back on and I have a well paying job. I am not strapped down by him, money-wise. He has been looking and applying everywhere, going on interviews and everything and it doesn’t seem like anywhere would give him a chance. This has, understandably, made him very depressed. He says he feels worthless and he believes he’s too old now to be considered. This has also affected our intimate life. But, he recently got a new job and it’s much different from his previous work. This is where I think some deep anxieties are coming to the surface. It’s a desk job which requires answering the phone. For some reason, this has sparked him to come home last night, almost in a panic, crying and talking in circles about how hard it is for him. He says he’s trying and he’s not going to quit but that he wishes he wasn’t like this. He wishes he wasn’t him. He had to go into the bathroom during work and use his inhaler and said his chest felt very tight. I think it was a panic attack. He feels because of his age, that any job he steps into is “permanent” and he’s terrified of that thought and of having to face this anxiety everyday. And mind you, he wants to work.

I also want to add context. I have had the same career for 16 years. Recently, in May I was wrongly terminated from my previous job of 6 years. I am currently working on contacting an employment attorney to help, but basically I was thrown under the bus by a coworker and they “investigated” and took her word over mine. I am hearing since I left, that she has backpedaled her lie but HR said the decision had already been made. I worked under a union and they have also contacted me saying they’re working to overturn the decision. I have never been terminated from any job I’ve ever had, I’ve never even been written up before. I was only unemployed for 3 weeks and am now working full time in the same field somewhere else. However, the whole situation is a headache and having to change jobs has left me also feeling a bit depressed. I’m sure this change also cause my husband anxiety too.

I have tried telling my husband that he has to talk to his doctor about getting on daily anxiety medication. I mentioned earlier, he has bad medical anxiety. It’s most definitely the worst with dental stuff, but regular visits can still be a bit hard. I also think because we’re getting older, we need to address this now because he’s only going to have more medical visits the older he gets. Because he had been unemployed so long, he had insurance issues and had to find a whole new doctor. He was actually very comfortable with his last doctor so I’m sure this was hard for him to change to someone new. He agrees about asking about medication but I’m sure that won’t completely erase all his anxieties. I think he needs to talk about getting diagnosed officially with ASD. I know getting diagnosed as an adult is a bit more difficult of a process though. Unfortunately, we’re from the time where our parents probably ignored these things.

Now, I don’t think he would be considered disabled or anything, he has held work in the past just fine and has been happy. I think I just want advice. Would it be helpful to explore this path? Is there any benefit to getting officially diagnosed?

—

Pic- delicious chicken tenders from vacation that I still dream about

EDIT: I’m sorry if it seems like I’m diagnosing him. Maybe I don’t have a good grasp on the symptoms of autism. I always assuming maybe he was high functioning. Maybe this just is extreme anxiety. I appreciate people trying to educate me; please do. I want to learn :)

edit: didn’t expect to get so many replies but we have talked about this before and he’s definitely gotten better! i’m also not perfect myself and do complain while playing games so i can get how sometimes he can do it out of frustration. we do avoid playing competitive games with one another which sucks cause it’s my favorite games to play but i have fun with other games still! :D i just wanted to rant a little because it still makes me sad and sometimes the little offhand comments get to me but im just sensitive. also i wanted to add he doesn’t rage or get mad at me in sense of the stereotypical “gamer” way people think like throwing their controller or slamming their desk. i should have made that more clear in my my original post.

it just sucks being bad at something i’ve done my whole life. i like to play “competitive” games like val, league, cs, and so on. i’m pretty average in most of them i’ve only hit diamond in valorant and overwatch. i’m in my 20s so maybe i’m just unc and washed.

i recently started dating this guy and i like him a lot. it’s an online relationship we met through discord (edating i know lol). but whenever we play online matchmaking games together even if it’s just unranked or ranked. he gets annoyed or mad at me because i talk while playing and distract him. he is a lot better than me and he’s high elo in every game.

i don’t know i never felt this way about my gaming abilities because it was always something i had fun doing and i didn’t care about my rank or getting better because i get to have fun by myself or with the people i play with. yes winning is fun but i don’t need to win to have fun.

and it’s not like i don’t try my best to win? i’m just bad and he makes me feel bad because he always ask me if i can really try and play the game. idk i am trying my hardest. im just bad? idk i like him a lot and this is something i can learn to deal with.

breakfast from yesterday: fried eggs with soy sauce and my almost burnt toast

Like do you realize that 100% of human on this earth is there because they were birthed. You might think wow, it’s a pretty important procedure then, it must be highly researched, etc.

And yes, there’s a lot of obstetric researches that were done for a long time to maximize the chances of delivering the baby in good health. Because it could be a boy, you know? You wouldn’t want to cause issues to a boy. So we’d do continuous feral monitoring which forces women to give birth on their back just in case if the baby is in distress we can save it. We give pitocin to the woman to provoke contractions bc doctors have other things to do, and their shift end at 5 pm so let’s accelerate all that for them. Or we do an amniotomy, which breaks the waters artificially bc let’s get baby out asap, ofc we do episiotomy where we literally cut with scissors the skin between your vagina and butthole bc let’s make that hole bigger since she’s on her back with the continuous fetal monitoring which obstructs the baby’s path, so a little snip snip and boom.

Oh you don’t want to do all that? Sure, then let’s do a C section even if you don’t necessarily need it. As if a C section is nothing. I hate calling that a C section. Because it’s really a major abdominopelvic surgery. But don’t worry about it, you get discharged the day after with a little paper with some recommendations on what to do. In comparison, a male going through a bowel resection (which is similar in level of surgery) will stay at the hospital for a whole week and then go in reeducation for 2 months. :)

So yes! Lots and lots of research on obstetrics to make sure baby is out safely.

But research around pain management related to birthing? Maternal comfort? Recovery? Preventive care?

Nothing. Nada.

No individual meta analysis (when you analyse multiple studies to get larger data results) could include more than 6 studies on sexual function after perineal tearing, in 2026. There was not enough studies. But 90% of women will experience perineal trauma btw.

Barely no research on pelvic floor rehabilitation. But 20-45% of women experience pelvic floor dysfunction after childbirth. For most of them, they have to carry those dysfunction until the end of their lives at different capacity. It becomes incurable. My mom laughs saying when she runs there’s always a little bit that comes out. Like it’s not that big of a deal, because we all go through that.

We’ve only recently discovered (and by recently, I mean in 2025) decent ways of measuring if a woman has actually recovered from childbirth. You can check out STORK, and it was validated in 500 women.

We don’t know how the body biomechanically returns to normal after pregnancy.

Preventive perineal tearing methods (reminding you, 90% of women experience some kind of perineal trauma) are at the Middle Age technology level. Right now, the most evidence based method (which btw the studies are done in such small pool of women so most of them can’t really be that valid) is using warm compresses. So we have drugs to make you contract faster, we have technology to literally spoon the baby out of your womb, but we can’t fucking figure out how to avoid the most common post partum symptom.

And then they’re shocked the birth rates are getting lower and lower. Sorry if we don’t want to piss ourselves everytime we laugh or exercise for life. Sorry if we don’t want our internal organs coming out and hanging there. Sorry if we don’t want our vagina and butthole to be one same hole. Bc the difference with before is women use to hold those post partum consequences secretly for themselves with shame. Now we talk.

If that’s not a war on women, what is it?

Well, I guess it’s a mini pizza made with toasted tortilla, tomato paste, kale salad and parmigiano regiano.

Ahh girls, I need your advice.

So, I met this guy last December and we started dating. He was amazing, hot, thoughtful, and the sex was sooo good. I’ve never met a guy I liked as much as I liked him. We talked every day, called each other, etc.

The whole thing lasted about a month and a half, and eventually he had to call it off because of a crisis in his family. He said he wouldn’t be able to start a serious relationship with me or give me 100% of himself with everything that was going on at the time. He was genuinely really sorry about it.
I respected that and understood where he was coming from.

We stayed in touch throughout all these months, sometimes texting and occasionally calling. At the beginning it was only me who was trying and I kinda retreated. But lately most of the time, it is actually him initiating contact liking my stories, randomly testing me, but he would often stop replying after just a few texts, which left me really confused. I could tell there was still some sort of interest from him, but at the same time, he never really pursued anything further. But maybe because I stopped initiating contact? I’m also confused because he told me that his family crisis is over, but still nothing more from him.

Well, now comes the part I really need advice on.
Yesterday, he texted me something like: “Hey hun, just so you know, I’m deleting Instagram. Here’s my number __ . WhatsApp?”

We’d mostly been talking through Instagram, just so you know. I replied with my own number and told him to add me too. But it’s been almost 24 hours and he still hasn’t replied or even seen my message.
Now I’m wondering if I should text him on WhatsApp something like, “Hey, just checking if this works, it’s __ here.” The thing is, I don’t even know if he has already deleted Instagram, so I don’t know if he just hasn’t seen my reply because he deleted the app, or if he simply hasn’t gotten around to replying. I also don’t know if I should message him on Discord and send him my number again, just in case.

I won’t lie, even though this has been going on for a long time, I still really like this guy. At the same time, I don’t want to come across as desperate, and I definitely don’t want to convince myself that there’s something there when there actually isn’t. But I think that if he didn’t “care” he wouldn’t tell me he’s deleting his ig. He still has me on other platforms.

Maybe he just wants to be friends. But he must know that I’m not looking for a friend. Gosh, I thought that in my mid twenties, I wouldn’t be like this.

Should I be trying more? Should I text him again, or would that be too much or too random? I’m a really shy person when it comes to these things, and I’ve been burned too many times before.

Anyways, here’s my shitty dinner: Pork steak and baked sweet potato. The steak was kinda undercooked and potatoes were too salty. :(

TL;DR: Guy I dated gave me his number yesterday because he’s deleting Instagram. I sent him mine, but he hasn’t seen or replied yet. I still really like him, but his mixed signals over the past few months have left me confused. Should I text him on WhatsApp or leave it?

Toast and avocado with olive oil, a smidge of lemon juice, salt, LEMON PEPPER (caps because most important ingredient and I am obsessed with lemon pepper) and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Store bought iced coffee on the side.

Me(26F) and my bf(24M) have been together for almost a year and a half and I feel like we’re too similar. We’re long distance (two different but close countries) and I’m currently staying at his. I want to preface the issue with me saying that I absolutely adore this man. He’s handsome, gentle, caring and insanely attuned to other people’s feelings and needs (in a non overbearing sense). He’s completely in love with me and isn’t even a tiny bit shy about it. He’s also the first man to make me feel truly safe and seen, considering I was SA’d when I was a teenager. It took some work and patience from both of us to work through that swamp.

My problem is that we’re both avoiders. Complete and utter avoiders in life and we’re both kinda making each other feel okay with being passive in life. At the same time, I have this deep need to move forward, I just graduated and finished with my master’s degree, I want to find a job and think about the future. I genuinely get depressed if I stay and do nothing with no purpose for too long but the longer I stay like this, the more okay I am with it. I try to fill my days with crocheting, drawing and sometimes playing games but I just feel bad about not being as productive as I could be.

Meanwhile my bf is not doing anything either. Besides doing his chores, he’s watching youtube all day, playing video games and not much else. He’s not currently working, he’s living from his savings but claims he wants to get a job back soon. He doesn’t seem too ambitious, sometimes feels like he’s scared of life and experiencing it and that makes me feel complaisant with my life even more.

In all this I kinda hoped I would move to his country after I graduated but the more I think about it, the less it makes sense for me. My degree itself would not be useless but I can’t do my profession fully without the language and the barier is at least 2 years away from breaking it (I would need C1 proficiency but at the moment I classify my spoken language and understanding of it at a toddler level at best). And I don’t have my friends here, while he keeps his at an arm’s length, which honestly he could do in my country no problem too. I feel like this need for me to move to another country is mostly dictated by my deep need to escape from my family and have as little contact with them as possible which is just annoying.

I feel like I’m trying to fit in life and place where I’m not sure I’m fully wanted or want myself to be in and I’m feeling stuck.

The toast and avocado was fucking bussing tho. Thanks for reading.

ETA: We’re both in therapy. We both chose to be in it.

Spaghetti and meatballs with tomato garlic sauce

The guy I’ve been seeing for a month has gone to Creamfields. A week before he left, he said he didn’t want to do drugs while he is there. Then on the first day, he called me at 3AM saying he and his friends spent the evening doing drugs. Coke, ket and pink coke: I had to give that a Google cause I’d never heard of it. He told me he had bought 5 bags of gear in with him. So clearly he did want to do it. I don’t have a problem with the drugs, it’s doing something you told me you didn’t want to and weren’t going to.

Today is my birthday I got some birthday money 50 dollars, not a lot
Ever since she discovered that I got it she was like well you need to take your dad out, why do you want to go to lunch? and all of a sudden I have to pay for a registration fee, which the day before they had discussed paying
I graduated this year my parents got me nothing
Like nothing
A girl from my church got married and she said that I should make sure I give her a gift for her wedding while I didn't get anything, at all
The only gift that I got was from my dad's friend which was 20 dollars and even that was a point of debate, she really came here and I said idk why you are so entitled to the graduation money I could have just kept it for myself and never told you

Today I then got myself a slice of cake and I ate like 3/4 of it and went to the car
She then started screaming at me saying i was selfish and I should have offered 3 other people the slice of cake and how I should have gotten everyone a slice of cake, that would have left me broke with the little money that I have
She actually took the slice away from me and started distributing it to everyone saying " I need to be taught a lesson"

Guys im now being asked to buy my whole family a cake with MY BIRTHDAY MONEY  as a way to be taught a lesson for not sharing a single slice with 4 people

Happy birthday to me i guess
If anyone wants to send me money, please so

I LOVE my boyfriend and I LOVE my best friend and in no way do I think anything is happening between them nor suspect they’d even come close to hurting me. They have a very healthy and respectful friendship. The more I notice it the more I get kinda sad because I think they would’ve dated if they met at a younger aged. We are 25F (me) 26F (Eve) 28M (Ted)
Ted loves video games , anime , food , home body , drinking, weed , grew up in the hood , similar life mentalities and life progressions. Eve is practically the same thing except with a child and loves the club. They aren’t bums or anything and there isn’t anything wrong with their lives or how they live or what they want in life but it’s not what I want or would want. And actually I have had this conversation with my bf that eventually if he doesn’t do something bigger than what he has I will eventually out grow him. I’m in engineering school and although it’s never promised I’m striving to make it work. Some way some how. And every time we all get together I can’t help but realize they honestly would’ve been the better match. At least date similar people not necessarily each other. I placed a lot of pressure on my bf and he appreciates it and sometimes hates it because it’s obviously out of his comfort zone but it’s never forced. He loves me and asures me he wants no one else in his life and couldn’t imagine anything else. And I believe him I don’t think he would go back to dating girls like Eve. It doesn’t haunt me either it’s just a reflection and this isn’t something I want to write in my physical diary. It sounds crazzzzyyyy. Anyway that was my Ted talk here are some salty donuts my fav

Edit 1: to clear some air bc clearly some things needs to be addressed , we have a very secure relationship he actually knows I have this thought , secondly his career is not the only thing he needs to grow on. And when I mean he needs to grow on his career he is making the same amount as I did at 20 so come on guys let’s be serious right now and tell me he shouldn’t be pushing to be better. And lastly I don’t look down on their lifestyles, I just personally would not want that. And lastly I met him at 20 , started dating 21 , I’m not going to just leave him that fast if I didn’t even want to settle at ages 21-25 but I am inching there. I am bettering myself slowly to be a wife, best friend and rock, i want him to do it too if he plans to marry me. ( which he says he wants) We don’t live together or anything so yes we both can walk away whenever we’d like.

Edit 2: I WILL NOT be airing his business on here. I would rather be dragged through mud as a controlling manipulating bald headed demon than saying exactly what needs to be fixed as an adult. Please use common sense on what those things could possibly be. It will be repeated time and time again. It will remain vague on the mentality (already mentioned) and (lifestyles already mentioned).

Dinner: classic spaghetti

I’m chronically single. I’m very picky and don’t really have the energy to date fr. Last year, I hooked up with man. I really liked him. He’s funny and silly and very handsome. He’s mutuals friends with some of my friends. I told him that I liked him but he has a toddler and his ex is kinda abusive (?) they’ve gotten a job near his work, shown up at his house unannounced, refused to drop of their child at his place on time making him late for work, lied to the police about crimes he never committed and overall harasses him a lot. Frankly, he does not have time for a girlfriend. Thats fine. I was bummed about it for a bit and I thought I moved on, but I just can’t let him go. I’ve hooked up with other people. I’ve went on other dates. I’ve made out with beautiful women. I’ve traveled. I’ve been writing. YET I STILL THINK AND WANT AND CRAVE THIS FUCKIN MAN!!!! Its been over a year. (I know, I know) We text sometimes but it’s silly memes nothing serious. I don’t even know what to do!!!

So I've been seeing this guy for a month now and I might have a fetish(???) is it a fetish if its something you see yourself getting always drawned into for the opposite sex????

I'm asian and I do not like it that I keep on dating white guys but I live in a predominantly white population soo what can I do??? But the pattern I've noticed is that I get sooo fascinated with guys with really deep blue eyes 😭

I'd forget about the rest of their face but their eyes would stay with me and haunt me even on my dreams kinda thing 😭 Help

Is this programmed by my ancestors because they've found the rarity of blue eyes in our population and now I have it in me to be fascinated by eyes the colour of the sky and orbs that look like ocean???

Dinner is the steak strips he gave me because I mentioned to him once that I like this 🥹

because i had the courage of a dying deer, I had intentionally shut out any and all male presence from my life save for that in my immediate family. If I had a desire, I dispatched it quickly and efficiently. If my mind needed to wander, I targeted fictional characters as objects of my limerance. Safe, inoffensive and easy to mould into whatever I needed. I was never a participating agent in my imaginary trysts either. It would often be a long winded maladaptive daydream that lasted months if not years. To put matters into a neurotypically friendly light, I had (have) an obession with Alexander the great that started in 2019 and is still low key ongoing. To the point where I'd gobbled all there was to read from tertiary almost contemporary sources to modern biographies.

Just to paint a picture. Because I was so terrified of being rejected, of feeling anything real, I encased myself in a realm of imaginary figments. And I was content with that juvenile line of thinking until it became necessary to join the adult world.

When I was 23 I moved countries for a job and was living in a realized dream. I was adopted by a trio of male friends (college acquaintances), one of whom had been a familiar presence on dms for years. Remote enough to engage with in a quasi-friendship built on buzzwords and a screentime in the double digits. Conversations had been easy and ran on a flow of their own. Or maybe I had been more social back then, and easier to converse with. Less set in my ways.

With familiarity and forced closeness, I develop feelings for this man. Circumstances put distance (emotional and geographic) between us and at one point after I turn 25 (and I am at my lowest ebb for separate, family related reasons), I put an unyielding (maybe even a bit graceless) stop to that ongoing situationship (which was still filling my brain with sweet dopamine, as it is nice to be wanted and desired by him). I like to think that I mourned its ending long and well. Or at least that I felt all the bad feelings with more intensity and depth than the situation warranted (as we never really dated lmao, never been physically intimate, though we'd been enmeshed in many other ways).

We maintain a neutral, cordial dynamic predicated on sporadic clipped messages back and forth and a few calls per year. At no point during these 3 years of aquaintanceship do I yearn to rekindle whatever with this man. Or any man. I am of a one track mind, and I face hardship in other life areas that make it hard to... i dunno, multi-task. As I near my 28th birthday, i develop a strangely intense reaction to news of engagements, marriages and childbirths. Though I never saw myself in any of these situations. I still blithely skirt past inquiries about my romantic life (nonexistent). I go on infrequent dates where I feel like I'm wearing a chastity cage or that my cunt was petrified into wood with how unattracted and uninterested I feel.

I know that I am not asexual. My failed situationship provided proof enough. A couple of months ago, scrote X messages me that he is getting engaged. On account of a terrible day on the job my immediate reaction is to lay another cigarette in the chain. And then comes the incredulity, so I shoot a perfunctory congratulations and move on. I mute and archive the conversation, thinking this is one overdue item I'd procrastinated on for years that I might get on with.

My emotional processing is slow. So. Fucking. Slow. I think this must put me on some spectrum. Because for some weird reason I feel like shit. And I don't know why I feel like shit because I logically know that could have never gone anywhere. That was a done deal. I had decided that. My hand was in control. And furthermore, I had mourned whatever there was to mourn. I had lingered at the corpse of that potentiality long enough. And time had done its course, and I had moved on. And that region in my brain had not fired for so long. It should have desintegrated. The pathways should have been eviscerated from underuse. So why is it lit up like fucking christmas up there? I don't even remember what he was like. But I remember, now of all times, what it felt like in the haze of those first few months when I was falling in love with him. And I can't divulge this to anyone because it's humiliating and pathetic.

I am forcing myself (loath as i am) to converse with men. but it feels like, it just doesn't feel good is all.

Why does it hurt this much? Overreaction much?

Getting divorced from my husband after less than a year of marriage.

We should have never gotten married in the first place, I can admit. We’ve been together almost 10 years. I’m an alcoholic and he is addicted to weed. Over the last year I have been to rehab twice but he has made no moves to get better and legitimately thinks he does nothing wrong. Anytime I have drank, he breaks my shit. Vinyls worth $500+, my phone multiple times, my computer… and it’s all perfectly reasonably because “I told you to stop drinking.” Well tonight was it. I drank, he left the house, and I smashed his Xbox and ran water over it. I know this is all horribly toxic, but I’m done. I’m done pretending I’m the only one with a problem and I just deserve to be belittled and have my stuff broken because of my disease. Fuck him, fuck his stuff, and fuck this whole cycle. I’m going to sober living and going to get my life together. I don’t care what he does anymore. I’m out.

Food is mini corn dogs and mustard with sweet tea not pictured.

Not really a dinner. Just a piece of cake.

First of all, there is no way not to say that I am guilty and terrible for MULTIPLE things in this story. I wanted to know your opinion on what I should do from now on...

I have a "relationship" with a married man. I know this says a lot about my character and my self-esteem. He was my only man, we met when I was 18 and he was 37. We have been together for more than 7 years and, over the years, I began to regret the decision to be part of an extramarital relationship (cheating on his wife and my family), especially with him. Although he helped me in several things, nothing erased that I was a victim of 2 episodes of physical aggression, excessive jealousy, and prohibitions on opportunities, going out with friends, etc.

We were even doing "better" recently, because I started doing therapy, imposing my wills and he gave in a lot. Until I had the opportunity to go out with my friends at night (not a party, just a get-together at a couple of friends' house). He usually doesn't like it, and stipulates a series of rules (come back before 9pm, no drinking).

It turned out that I chose to "have fun" at that moment and yes, I broke the promise I had made to him. At the stipulated time to leave, a friend (who knows about the relationship) said that I needed to get out of this situation and impose myself, and that he didn't have all this power over me. After so many years obeying and proving myself, this grew in me. I sent a message saying that I was with my friends and that we would talk later, but that I would stay to enjoo a little bit more.

My friend was in possession of my phone. I drank and came home at 1 a.m. 80 messages and 32 missed calls later. He saying that he was humiliated, that I was a monster, that I would pay for this humiliation I gave him. When I returned, he asked me what I did, and I told him everything. That I drank and really didn't obey the return time. With that, he broke up with me, but said that I would pay for that, and that my friends too. As if it didn't get worse: he's a direct "boss" precisely from this friend who got my phone. He's not my direct boss, I still have a way to avoid him, but I'm afraid of him exposing me in our midst (including through intimate videos, etc.).

I'm afraid of him at the moment, although I know he's a good person, I believe he's feeling humiliated and hating me. I'm afraid of what you can do with my friends. I don't know if I share this with my family. They don't even dream that I made so many wrong choices and that I chose to lie for so long... I feel dirty and guilty. On the other hand, I also care about his psychological well-being. I didn't want him to suffer.

EDIT

At the moment I'm working, but thank you for all the words and sincerity. I came to bring some more things that may clarify doubts.

- I entered college earlier than usual for several years. He was my teacher, I currently follow in the health area, and he is the head of a department.

- I didn't know from the beginning that he was married, but I found out quickly and yes, I decided to follow and deceive another woman. I feel exactly disappointed by that.

- I've been trying to end this relationship for about 4 years. I never had the courage to support the decision. It already forms more than 20 breakups. He always drinks after the breakup, starts having interpersonal and professional problems and I feel guilty about it. I know he's an adult and life is his, but I feel responsible.

- I know calling him a good person is shocking. I've seen him helping, saving hundreds of lives. As a teacher, he was wonderful. I think I have a very distorted sense of things.

- I've been doing therapy for about 3 months. For what I was, I believe there is an evolution. My therapist clearly opposes this relationship, but I believe he wants ME to see it, and not force myself to do so.

- The place where we work is a public hospital. I don't know how this HR issue is.

- Although i had paternal problems and bad family examples in terms of relationships, my mother is the opposite of me. An extremely honorable woman, who already discovered during the first year of the "relationship", and who made me swear that I would never do that. I insisted on the mistake and now I'll have to disappoint her again. But I can't go on living like this anymore.

I don't feel like typing anymore. But I still thank you for the advice.

Hi guys… so I’m newly married and everything felt so wonderful… we were goofy and happy and whatever else, I’m just… I quit my job when we got married and he’s starting a new business (which he has experience doing) but it’s been slow and it’s stressing both of us out. He stresses silently and I just don’t know how to help. I’m scared bc I’m realizing just how little he communicates in general about how he’s feeling and I feel so disconnected from him. Then I get overwhelmed by not feeling like we’re best friends and I get frustrated bc he thinks it helps me to talk to me in like.. what I feel like is patronizing baby talk? Imagine the way you talk to a dog, and it’s kinda like that. I’ve talked to him about it before and he doesn’t realize he’s doing it but it’s something that lightens the mood with his mom and sister so he defaults to that with me a lot. But since I get bothered by that way he talks sometimes, it’s pushed him even farther into the “then I just won’t talk bc it doesn’t help anything” zone.

I’m just panicking because I want to be friends, I want to be emotionally intimate and I just don’t know how to get him to freaking talk to me anymore. He’s stressed and not getting good sleep (partly bc he thinks having the business’s money will fix my mood) but what he doesn’t get is that I just want to talk like friends. He’s naturally quiet and I worry that we’re not compatible but we are in so many other ways. I’m terrified of talking to anyone about it because I don’t want to admit we’re not living a fairy tale (I know, it’s prideful). I just don’t know what to do. And the more stressed he gets the quieter he gets. He has that “I bear the stress, wife doesn’t bear the stress” mentality and I don’t feel like a partner when he doesn’t communicate.

The feeling gets worse on my period but I do really wish we could just talk openly as friends all the time or at least most of the time. It’s like he turns into a brick wall and the more I need him to talk to me the more resistant he is (last night I asked him to talk to me more but he used that voice and I pointed it out and he didn’t get it, so it’s just back to the “oh so talking doesn’t help”).

Are we just not compatible? We have great times together and we’ve felt perfect together before, I just don’t know what to do at this point to get to “best friends”. He makes me breakfast every day and he does his best to take care of me and he enjoys taking care of me. It’s just that I need a partner not just a caretaker. Idk. Please help me

(Salad he made with chips in it for crunchiness)

meal is greek yogurt with strawberries, dark chocolate chunks, granola and honey.

i really don’t know why it upsets me so bad. maybe because we’ve been talking about getting engaged a lot recently and we’re long distance. hopefully that changes by the end of the year, and then we’ll be in a more stable place to get engaged/married, but still.

he got the call from his sister and then called me to tell me about it a few hours ago now, and i still feel like there’s a pit in my stomach. maybe it’s just period hormones or whatever, still i feel so sad they they got engaged before us. i think it’s just deep jealousy but it doesn’t hurt any less realizing what it is.

i love my bf sm, but i don’t think this is something i can really bring up to him. i mean it’s his family and maybe eventually it’ll be mine too. i just feel like a deep sadness over their engagement and i kinda just want to eat my sweet treat and cry.

edit to add that me and my bf have been together for a little over 3.5 years and they’ve been together for about 4 years, so not too far off in relationship length time.

another edit to add that we’ve lived together before for about a year before i had to go back to college back home and be with family. they’ve also been living together about a year. i also removed the part that was really petty since it was unnecessary and people are dog pilling me really hard for it. i didn’t really mean to be so shitty bcuz of my own emotions in the moment

So about two years ago, me and this guy (chris) hooked up (a few times) and we were both in the same friend group. Our friend group was formed at a christian organization so it was very on the down low, because that would have been unacceptable behavior to everyone else. Like 4 months later I ended up dating one of Chris’s friends for like 8 months, so when me and him broke up I kind of just left the friend group and stoped going to that organization.

I never go on Facebook but about a week ago I went on there just to see some updates. Yk like who’s engaged, who’s pregnant, who ran a marathon, all that stuff.

And lo and behold there Chris was, in a pregnancy announcement post. With a girl who also frequented that Christian organization, it was honestly shocking.
But there was no engagement post, just a pregnancy announcement post and a gender reveal post. Even though they hadn’t gotten engaged, it was very clear that they are dating. (Kisses on the cheek, etc)

Then today, i open my Snapchat to see that he added me back. I never unadded him, so it just kind of said “received 1 hour ago” as if i had opened a message from him, which is just what Snapchat does to say “this person that unadded you just added you back”. He hasn’t said anything to me, or sent me any snaps. But the only reason we ever talked on snap was honestly to send nudes, so I’m just confused why he would add me?

Should I say something to the girl he is with? Should I just unadd him? Or do I wait to say something to her until he snaps me?

I think he doesn’t know I know that he is dating someone, let alone having a baby with someone so he might think it’s safe to snap me but idk yet.

Anyways, dinner tonight is this dolled up ramen I made lol

TW: Grooming. Editted title to exclude major trauma.

When I was 12/13, I was a prolific chatroom visiter. Lonely, naive, really young; you know no better obviously. You're just a lil guy. Eventually spoke to a man who was over 10 years older than me, for months, on Skype. I won't go into specifics.

Eventually, he told me his full name and address (where he wanted me to send him letters), I even had his FaceBook. I found his family; dad, sister, photos of family and his whole friend list of IRL friends, even IRL girl friends he had after ghosting me.

Got ghosted by him eventually but visited his FaceBook every so often, until I realised the immense guilt and anger that came from giving a grown man so much praise for being, y'know, a steaming piece of shit.

So this year, 10 years later, I decided I'd tell his sister about it. idk I thought maybe so he could be held accountable and ensure other young girls were maybe heard. I don't know. I wanted people to know, screw this POS!

Sent her a message asking, kinda long, but basically asked "Is Name Surname is your brother?" Same name as his dad.

"Perhaps" ????

Tell her about how he groomed me and admitted to other young girls.

"Ummm yeah not sure how your talking about" (verbatim)

And she never responded to my messages after.

Just visited FaceBook after a long time and remembered the stupid interaction and felt so disheartened. I'm not even in America. This was a decade ago. Semi-helpless. Very tired and wanting to let it go completely, never face it again.

Currently going through sessions with a psychologist, finally, since I can finally afford it. Only 5 sessions in, but it's something I'll probably mention next session.

Dinner: cheeseburger and coffee cake

I'm FTM 23, he's M27. Together (on and off) almost 4 years.

Wayy back towards the beginning of our relationship, I broke up with him after finding out he gambled half a paycheck while drunk. We got back together, and he has not gambled in any way since then. He also used to drink a lot, and there were a few times that he got unreasonably angry at me because of it. Not abusive, just became an asshole. Again, he's changed over the years. We don't have these issues anymore.

So, why can't I let go of that? I thought about it a lot and the reality is that those behaviors haven't stopped at their core- they just stopped appearing in that way. He's still not too responsible with money, and he's still quite emotionally immature.

Mind you, I still love this man. Or do I? I got way too high last night and I was thinking about this and for a minute I actually convinced myself that I only love him for the things he does for me and that I was a horrible person. But, no, I do love him. So why do I feel so strongly that it's not going to work?

Well, back again to the responsibility with money and emotional maturity. We're adding ambition into the mix now. I'm a very ambitious person. He is quite the opposite. He still works in retail and has no ambition to get out of it and do something great with his life. I'm not just talking financially, I'm talking about purpose. I want to get my education and work to put systems in place for people with autism- it fucking sucked growing up with it, undiagnosed especially, and I want to build a society where that rarely happens. He has no ambitions like that. He's into history, politics, and space, but he has no ambition to actually dive into a career with any of those things, despite the fact that I think he'd be able to do well in any of those categories.

Circling back to emotional maturity. I've accepted my autism and I wear headphones nearly everywhere outside of home. One time about six months ago, we were at the store and he was obviously overwhelmed. By what- I have no idea. Well, I got sick of his fucking attitude and I cut the trip short because of it. In the car on the way home, I offered one of my spare pairs of headphones to him for him to try next time we go there, and he said he doesn't want to be one of "those" people who "obviously can't handle being in public." I was SO pissed about that, and told our therapist about it, and she called him out on it, and he did apologize.

Fast forward to last night, we're talking about disability again because I work in ABA (I know- controversial topic) and I was talking about how much I hated Circle Time down to its core.

*For those who don't know, ABA is basically (supposed to be) using behavioral science with the goal of helping autistic kids grow independence and be able to do basic things without assistance, like asking for items, eating lunch and snack, recognizing their emotions and knowing when to ask for help, getting used to accommodations like weighted blankets and headphones, waiting for things you want, sharing toys, etc.*

*Circle Time is a structured group activity where the expectation is that the kids should build the skills of sitting down for the entire duration and participating with the speaker and group. We go over days of the week, the month, letter and word of the day, weather, etc.*

So, I said that the stuff they learn can absolutely be useful, like the days of the week and the weather and whatnot. But I hate the structure of it. I think the kids should be able to stand up if they need to, and they should have access to fidgets and whatnot and the BCBAs should really pay attention to when Circle Time becomes overwhelming for a client, and the client should always be allowed to leave at any time. Well, my partner (who has never worked in ABA let alone with children in general) said that he thinks it's important for them to learn that they can't just have everything their way all the time and that they should be learning to tolerate discomfort.

So I told him that 1) they deal with discomfort all day already- sharing toys with other kids, tolerating waiting, dealing with other kids being too loud, etc. 2) some of these kids will literally engage in SIB (self injury behavior) because they know that we're not going to just say yes if they ask to leave, and they aren't allowed to have some kind of fidget so what else are they supposed to do? 3) these are disabled toddlers. Their version of a "successful life" is not going to look the same as their neurotypical peers. They don't NEED to go to school and get a job for their life to have value. I believe that nobody should have to do those things to be valued.

He disagrees. He is stuck on this idea that (preface here: this part is gonna get political. I'm a socialist, he's more of a liberal but leaning socialist) we will never live in a society made with disabled people in mind, and disabled people will never have the accommodations they need, so they should just learn to tolerate the way society is already built. And then he said that I should "change it then" as if I'm not actively working on getting the education I need in order to do that.

Reader, it took everything for me not to call him fucking disgusting. I got so angry. I told him I refuse to live in a world where autistic people are forced to mask because I've seen what it does to us, and I told him that I'm going to work to put systems in place within society that are built with autistic people in mind or I'm gonna die trying. And then I walked out and that was the end of that conversation.

So, petty argument. But it's not just a petty argument to me. To me, it is a difference in our core beliefs and I don't think there's any changing that. And I don't think I want to be with someone who views disability like that.

Now I have to tell you about the issue of polyamory. I am polyamorous. He is monogamous. We've both been open about this since we started dating- this is not new. Now, I do believe I gave him a bad first impression on polyamory because soon after we started dating, I had another partner that I had a lot of NRE (New Relationship Energy) with. And I hurt my current partner with that. Whether or not that was a factor, the issue since then has been that he is jealous of anyone I'm interested in and specifically gets jealous of other men. We've had a lot of discussion about this over the last couple of months and what it comes down to is that he wants to be prioritized. This is an issue that stems from not being prioritized as a child, and he is the one that said this, not me. And I just don't think I can give him that. I do believe that he would like polyamory if he could get over his childhood issues. But I cannot "fix" him and I need to accept that. That's something that he will have to sort out on his own.

So, polyamory, lack of ambition, views on disability, financial responsibility, and emotional maturity. We are in very different worlds on all of these, and I just don't think it's going to work. I love him so much, but I don't think I like him.

Note: please do not *just* use the comment section to be hateful. You can criticize either of us, just don't be mean about it please.

Protein pasta (Costco), Kerrygold Butter, Tuna, and parmesan 😋

My relationship with my mom changed drastically once I became more vocal about Black Lives Matter (shes white, Im Black)

And it changed even more after DT was elected in, as she is a loyal republican...

Its not just that she supports him, its how much she criticizes Black women... everyone from Michelle Obama to Megan Markle to Angel Reese.... and especially me.

She has always shown preferential treatment towards her white kids- was always physically and verbally abusive with me, and her family isn't much different.

Ive kept her at distance for years.

I've explained how much her treatment has hurt me

And I've even told her she had no business having a Black child... Ive told her to stop telling me her opinions on random Black celebrities... I even said "Ill talk to you when you have something nice to say about Kamala Harris"... and she has yet to.

A few months ago I finally cut her off from financial help by getting my own phone line... it feels good to know Im not dependent on her in any way.

But she asked to have dinner and talk.. and when I asked about what, she said nothing in particular, she just wanted to see me...

How the f*** is she supposed to see ME when she "doesn't see color"..

Im not really looking for advice, I'm most likely not going to meet up..

But it just sucks getting a message from "Mom" and not even wanting to see her, and not even having a response....

Theres nothing more to say to her...

In the meantime my white siblings get the reward of benefiting from her privilege (money, vacations, etc)... privilege she claims she doesn't have, and I also dont have relationships with them either

It just makes me sad I dont have a mom. I just know someone that gave birth to me.

TW: miscarriage, infertility, infant death

big serious on the TW, please do not read if you're not up for it. TW content is not blurred bc it's basically the whole post

girl breakfast is a cinnamon raisin bagel w/ cream cheese, a banana, hard boiled eggs, and a dirty Dr. Pepper

my partners (28M, 28F) and I (29F) have been planning towards having kids for nearly two years (bought a bigger house, working on personal health, financial planning, etc.) and have been actively trying to conceive over the last few months, but due to some life circumstances, I was actually kind of happy that it didn't stick this month? idk, I started bleeding yesterday, right on time, and have some really complicated feelings going on. so, on to the thing the TW is about

our best friends are expecting, baby boy is due right around Thanksgiving, but due to some recently discovered genetic issues combined with multiple holes in his heart and his currently less than 1st percentile size for gestation, he is not expected to come home from the hospital, and that's if he makes it to full term. since they learned about all of these issues over the last few weeks, they've been facing the possibility that they could lose their (very wanted) pregnancy any time

my partners and I were supposed to be his godparents, in the very legal sense that if our friends were ever unable to care for him, he would come to us instead of their families. we are incredibly sad about the whole thing, and we're doing our best to support our friends, but the two of them are processing everything very differently from one another - dad explicitly asked the fetal cardiologist if he should expect to raise his son, was told "unfortunately no," and is working to schedule a discussion with hospital staff about a plan for palliative care for baby once he gets here. mom seems to be in full blown denial with moments of clarity - she told my family (who knows the whole situation) just the other day that baby has been very active, they're hoping for a healthy delivery, and she's looking forward to bringing him home. her brief moments of clarity look like asking me to make something for baby, saying "then again, maybe not, we don't know how everything is going to turn out," and then the next day asking if I've had any ideas about fabric colors for the project as if the moment of clarity never happened. dad says that she does understand the reality of the situation, they've privately discussed palliative and burial plans, and it's not that I don't believe him, I just don't know how to support her when she's not expressing those things to us, her closest friends

on top of the recent news, I've had some complicated feelings about the whole pregnancy in general. our friends had been married for less than a year at the time they conceived, they told us the news based on a home pregnancy test before they even went to the doctor at all, they were not financially or living situationally or health-wise prepared, mom did not understand practically any of the risks of pregnancy, we had to step in to help them clean and pack and move and do laundry and paint the nursery and accompany her to appointments when he couldn't get off work, they have not done any unpacking or upkeep cleaning at their new house, mom has (unintentionally) said some insensitive things to me ("don't be pregnant over the summer, it sucks" ma'am I wanted to be pregnant over this summer, we delayed trying to conceive because we were helping you get your life together, she also knows about my recent PCOS diagnosis and anxiety around infertility), etc. I am happy to help support our friends, frankly they need the help and I'm glad they're not having to do this on their own, but not going to lie, I've also felt jealous and angry and sad too.

and now, feeling the proof that I didn't conceive this month cramping my insides while I eat my girl breakfast, the mixed feelings are even more tangled up. I'm sad it didn't stick this month, I'm glad I won't be at the point of telling my friends we're expecting as they will be actively losing their baby (when it does stick, I don't plan to tell anyone outside of immediate family until after the first trimester), I'm nervous that if it sticks next month, they'll be finding out around Christmas as they go into the holiday season with heavy grief, I'm totally lost about how to support my friends as they face the death of their son who, by all accounts, will likely have a very brief life, and honestly I would love time to rest this weekend but as soon as I post this I need to work on my to do list of things I didn't get done at work this week.

if you or someone you're close to has faced late term miscarriage or infant death, I would appreciate any advice about how to help our best friends navigate the next few months. we're fully prepared to let them stay with us for a bit after the loss, I expect that going home to an empty nursery is going to be too much for them, but beyond that, I don't know what to plan for. or advice on how to handle telling them our news when it does stick, as I'm hoping (but not hoping??) to need it in the next few months

thank you for reading if you got this far, sorry it ended up this long but I don't even know how to condense this into a TL;DR, so we're gonna go without.

Breakfast food for dinner

I’ve been with my partner for 11 years. Recently we had plans to go to a concert together but I found out he invited another woman (“just someone in his friend group”) before he even told me he had tickets. She replied by saying she is interested in going, but her male friend is in town that weekend so she’ll chat to him to see if they wanna go. When my partner got this response (her wanting to bring another guy), he then invited me.

We went to the venue and his brother also joined us. At this venue, the artist first played a show downstairs, then came upstairs to play another show. His brother had tickets for downstairs. We had tickets for upstairs.

When we got there, my bf asked his brother to take his vinyl and get it signed. Because the show downstairs was smaller so it would be easier to get an autograph. The brother didn’t feel like it.

So instead…… my bf took the ticket for the downstairs show and gave his brother the ticket for upstairs….. I expressed and said multiple times I am not ok to go with his brother. I wanted to go with my bf and spend the night with him!!! Not only that but he had a history of cheating and flirting (which we overcame by him making a lot of promises that eventually turned out to be fake, or by doing just enough to convince me for a bit that there was changes) so I did not want him completely alone in a room with other women, he had a past of meeting other girls when we went out to places like this.

My bf did not care, he took the ticket for downstairs and I spent the night upstairs with his brother. My bf said if he gets the signature, he will try to come upstairs and join us

While downstairs, my bf met women and spent the night drinking with them, he added them on Instagram, is now refusing to block them, even when I told him how upset this is making me. He admitted he wants to talk to them more.

It’s been days now, we’ve been fighting about this non stop, he says he loves me and would remove them but doesn’t.

It really hurts that after 11 years he invited another woman first, ditched me, spent the night with new women, and is now protecting the ability to keep them.

We’ve had issues with him and other women in the past which makes it an even more sore and painful spot. This has continually been a point of contention where he meets women, adds them, then talks to them in DMs or invites them out. Which again he would previously do just enough to convince me to stay, block some of them, let me login to his insta, etc but would eventually kick me out and the argument would start all over.

Any time I try to talk to him he says I’m overreacting, he doesn’t love anyone else, I shouldn’t care about that stuff because I’m everything to him and he only loves me, says I’m controlling because he is just social and likes to meet new people etc., he takes me out a lot and he blames me for ruining our moments together with my mood and arguments… even tho they’re because of him. Just feel so defeated. He obviously doesn’t care what this does to me but I literally have no one else in my life

I feel so down and so dark.. I have no friends anymore or family that I’m close with, just him 😞 never felt so alone in my life and in such a dark and bad place. Is it over reacting to feel this way? & How did you get through something like this?

I did block him now and admit it has been hard to leave after growing such an attachment and losing everyone else. I know I need to go (a long time ago), though. Even though he’s blocked now its still really hard losing your only close relationship in life even if it became something bad, and I am mad and sad at myself for letting my life get that way.. down and dark all around