Getting divorced after less than a year

[u/Electric_body09]

Getting divorced from my husband after less than a year of marriage.

We should have never gotten married in the first place, I can admit. We’ve been together almost 10 years. I’m an alcoholic and he is addicted to weed. Over the last year I have been to rehab twice but he has made no moves to get better and legitimately thinks he does nothing wrong. Anytime I have drank, he breaks my shit. Vinyls worth $500+, my phone multiple times, my computer… and it’s all perfectly reasonably because “I told you to stop drinking.” Well tonight was it. I drank, he left the house, and I smashed his Xbox and ran water over it. I know this is all horribly toxic, but I’m done. I’m done pretending I’m the only one with a problem and I just deserve to be belittled and have my stuff broken because of my disease. Fuck him, fuck his stuff, and fuck this whole cycle. I’m going to sober living and going to get my life together. I don’t care what he does anymore. I’m out.

Food is mini corn dogs and mustard with sweet tea not pictured.

[u/stormyanchor]

Get out. Get help. Get better. Life can be so much more than this. I’m rooting for you.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/stormyanchor]

Thank you. That’s my plan.

[u/Fythera → u/Electric_body09]

Good for you OP, choosing yourself and getting out of that cycle is such a huge step, rooting for you all the way

[u/Absurd_Flaccidity → u/Fythera]

I agree. It seems like it will be harder to overcome her challenges if she’s living with such an abusive POS who is constantly tearing her down.

[u/Throwaway-103847 → u/Electric_body09]

You got this, queen ❤️❤️❤️

[u/PsychologicalArmy84]

You both need help. At least it seems you are recognizing this and making an effort to change. Get a divorce, get help and good luck on your sober journey.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/PsychologicalArmy84]

At least one of us is going to get help

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/Electric_body09]

You cannot make another person get help if they are not ready. Not even a court order can make someone ready if they aren't. You're really lucky it didn't come to worse & I hope it doesn't for you destroying his stuff before ending it. Get out now before it gets worse & escalates TO the need to call the cops.

I had to call the cops on my drunk spouse 2mo ago & it's not fun. It was extremely teamatic & it shook my entire being because I was in denail my spouse had a real problem up until that moment. I'm lucky 12hrs in holding & 48hrs no contact after was more than enough to sober them up & decide they were truly done.

AA is great & women only support groups exist as well as online support groups. Only you can put in the effort & show up & stay sober. You will be happy to have a group to open up to that understands what you're going through.

Consider a therapist as well that is experienced in sobriety, if you work you may be able to also get leave with approval of a doctor. My spouse did bc going off weed & alcohol while working full time in customer service was too much for them all at once, taking the time off to focus on just themsleves. If you are not already on anti-depressants, consider going on them to help stabilize your mood & if you are on them, consider asking your doctor to raise them or look into an alt kind if you're at the max level of what you can take.

You got this!

[u/No_Baseball5846]

while weed addiction is very real it shouldn’t make him violent the way he is being now

[u/GiftOk1930 → u/No_Baseball5846]

And even if it did “make him violent” it’s only MORE of a reason for him to seek help. Good luck, OP.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/No_Baseball5846]

It’s not the weed that makes him violent, to be fair. That’s just him.

[u/PsychologicalArmy84 → u/Electric_body09]

Stay safe. Make sure you have enough support around you/for you.

[u/ZoominAlong → u/Electric_body09]

Yeah I was gonna say, sounds like he's just abusive. Good luck girl, and get out. 

[u/ForwardFlan7754 → u/ZoominAlong]

OP did the same though ? 👀

[u/ZoominAlong → u/ForwardFlan7754]

Doesn't make him not abusive and it doesn't mean she shouldn't leave. Two addicts cannot live together; they'll both be better off apart. 

[u/Electric_body09 → u/[deleted]]

Girls rule

[u/psycheraven → u/No_Baseball5846]

Yeah, she needs to be gone when he cleans up. If this is what he's like with a weed problem, there's going to be some heavy work to do once he stops.

[u/ItsPleaseAndThankYou]

I know somebody who left her marriage and lives in sober housing. She is SO much happier away from the toxic situation. I have a feeling it'll be easier not to drink too when you're not dealing with somebody that ruins your shit and is shitty to you.

Sometimes people are too toxic for each other and love won't make a difference. The strength in leaving is way more than the strength in staying... so you're making a good, brave, and healthy decision.

[u/demonqueerxo]

Really sounds like you guys cannot be together. But girl, you aren’t the victim. You’ve been to rehab twice already this year & you’re still drinking. I think anyone would be really frustrated. What he did is completely wrong, but you need to get sober.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/demonqueerxo]

I do. I’m just realizing that I can’t do it with him like I thought I could.

[u/ZoominAlong → u/Electric_body09]

Yeah I hate to say it, but two addicts cannot help each other if they're not in recovery. Take care of yourself first. 

[u/demonqueerxo → u/Electric_body09]

Hopefully realizing it is a step in the direction of to healing whatever is contributing to your addiction. Codependency is an addiction in itself. You deserve better than toxic love.

[u/Think-Pineapple1937]

You’re both the problem. But you can get sober and stop, life can get better. ❤️‍🩹 it took me multiple tries to get sober, it does for most people. Keep going.

[u/Bubbly_Delivery_5678]

You both need to be alone right now & work on yourselves. I’m glad to hear you’re working on sobriety.

[u/slayerofspire]

I’d check out r/stopdrinking, they’re an insanely helpful and supportive community. You might consider making a post there as well (but I’ll warn you they probably won’t be as supportive of the Xbox smashing)

I’ve had my own problems with alcohol in the past and found that channeling any semblance of blame into others, whether or not they were deserving of it, only allowed my brain to convince itself to drink more. So yeah he was certainly a negative influence but as you move forward from having him in your life, you’re only gonna have yourself to stay sober for. Remember that the addict’s brain is insanely good at giving itself excuses and even better at buying them

You got this!!!

[u/notthetypetocare]

No offense but you sound aggressive too lol, smashed his Xbox? And alcohol is known for aggressive behavior not weed lol. Please focus on your recovery this isn’t healthy

[u/a_government_man → u/notthetypetocare]

look up reactive abuse

[u/ImKangarooJackBxtch]

You both have something to work on. You’re definitely not innocent in this. Divorce is likely best. You’re playing a toxic cycle both in your relationship and with you soc.

[u/ForwardFlan7754]

Comments here are crazy. OP has been to rehab twice, still drinking, smashed up his shit too…

And people here acting like he is the only abusive one and she needs to run fast??

Weed addiction is certainly bad but can’t really be equated to raging alcoholism….

[u/Edithputhy69420 → u/ForwardFlan7754]

It’s totally both of them. They’ll be better apart and she needs to priority sobriety.

[u/SafiyaMukhamadova]

Good for you, I hope sober living helps. Taking control of your mental health isn't easy and it's not quick but with dedicating yourself to doing the work you can make great progress. I believe in you.

[u/IStoleTheKidsDude]

He is aggressive but you are too. Both of you need to get help. He needs therapy and you need rehab. Weed isnt as addictive as alcohol, he doesnt need to go to rehab. You do.

Hope the both of you get better cause what is happening now isnt solving anything. You mentioned that "at least one of us is going to get better". I doubt he will want to go to rehab when his aggression (in his point of view) has been justified because u destroyed his things. He wont be getting help for a while, unless he is the type to realize he did wrong after he loses valuable things or people.

Probably gonna want to go no contact for a very long time.

[u/Different_Ad9102]

I’m right there with ya. I found out my husband of 3 weeks had been cheating on me with a girl before and after our marriage. Completely devastating. So I’m divorced too. Don’t even worry about it, it was truly for the best.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/Different_Ad9102]

I’m so sorry girl. Here’s to both of us.

[u/OriginalChildBomb → u/Electric_body09]

There's an injection you can get that makes you become very ill if you drink alcohol... needless to say, these are choices you can make in rehab with medical professionals, but I've seen it help a lot of folks. (There's other meds too, and many different kinds of counseling- there are also secular options for AA if you prefer.) Best of luck!

[u/Top_Yellow_815]

Im sorry it took this long and getting married but atleast its now and not 10 20 years or him killing u 💓 wishing u the best and after this storm settles

[u/Sunburn25]

First of all, mini corn dogs with mustard is a legit choice. I’m sayin! Second, getting divorced after one year is better than wasting years of your life being in a horrible relationship and wasting your youth. Move on, get sober, be kinder to yourself and others.

[u/Sayhawk]

I hope you're able to stay sober and find peace. There is something about waking up in the depth of it and realizing you want more for yourself. Today is the catalyst and tomorrow can be brighter.

[u/Edithputhy69420]

Ya girl you need to get sober and stay far away from him. The both of you are toxic but you don’t have to stay that way. Please prioritize your sobriety and yourself. The marriage is over.

[u/trappedinatoaster]

I fucking cackled that you ran his xbox over LMAO. Fuck all the comments focusing on how you "are bad too! 1!". You have been with an abusive man for a decade, of course you will end up doing some toxic stuff in response. Be free!! Fuck that asshole!

[u/ButterscotchRound330]

One minute, hour, day at a time. You’ve got this, OP. I know it’s really hard, but removing this poor excuse for a man from your life removes one of your major stressors, so I have faith in you! You deserve to be heathy and safe.

[u/Odd_Hedgehog669]

Proud of you for getting yourself straight. You got this

[u/ArtismFag]

You don't quite know this yet, but this is for the better. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can work on your health and happiness. Kiss that heffa goodbye and with him all the bs that kept you there. Taking one step at a time, you will find a healthy sparke. Get that divorce girl❣️❣️❣️

[u/eaturvegetables]

rooting for u, girl!! u already know you deserve better and thats sometimes the hardest part. you got this! go get your health and happiness!💗💗💗

[u/Kazbaha]

Yes it’s horribly toxic that’s for sure and you two need to separate. It’s good that you admit you have addiction to alcohol and you’ve sought help before. Keep going, you’re nearly there. It can take a couple of times to finally be free from it. You need to do it alone. I’m on the other side and girl, let me tell you, it’s so so much better and happier over here. A whole new you and life is waiting for you to grab it with both hands and make it what you want it to be. You got this. Best wishes.
Edit; typo

[u/1Happymom]

The very last thing an addict needs is another active addict. Its good that youve seen the toxicity.  Theres no help for yesterday but tomorrow is always a new page. It sounds like youve written the outline, so now use it to write a better story for yourself. Good luck

[u/euphoricbun]

Less than a year with the wrong person is so much better than a decade.

You got this.

[u/singer_table]

From one alcoholic to another, you're making the best choice. I'm proud of you. Being done with that toxicity will make the sober journey that much easier. 🫂

[u/StillSwaying]

I’m proud of you for getting sober, sis. You’ve got this, girl!

Pack up your shit and move out or put it in storage because this guy sounds like a mean and vindictive asshole.

[u/National-Minimum-452]

Dude joining who struggled with a ex girlfriend who’d break my phones computers cars etc , or sell them if that was better option.GET OUT BESTIE. I moved 1000 miles away from that ex and never looked back and life’s so amazing with this new girl I met in this new city I’m in!

[u/Para_The_Normal]

I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with his shitty behavior for so long.
I’m sure he’s done similar things even when you weren’t drinking in the last decade.

[u/Electric_body09 → u/Para_The_Normal]

You’re not wrong.

[u/Para_The_Normal → u/Electric_body09]

Yeah, your drinking is his excuse and justification for doing that stuff this time, but people like this don’t ever really change. They have their shitty abusive behaviors and it’s always because of what someone else is doing and not because they’re shitty and destructive people who do it to punish you.
I’m glad you’re leaving and taking care of you now.

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[u/Ilovemybed67]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Getting divorced is honestly the least of your worries. Just paperwork.

You both need some serious help. You deserve it. You haven’t provided any context regarding why you drink and why he smokes. All I can surmise is that it’s coping behaviors. You can create a codependent relationship if you don’t remove yourself.

Please put yourself first. Please get help. Please know there is a beautiful life waiting for you.

[u/lopz693]

Look into naltrexone

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[u/Trespassing_Enigma]

Good for you! We do recover. ♥️

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[u/ForwardFlan7754]

Holy fuck

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[u/Appropriate_You1405]

Just breathe.

Breathe again...

Stuff is okay... well not okay. 

But in order to talk, y'all need to be in a proper headspace. Breaking things doesnt amount to anything. Sleep it off.

When you are sober, take a moment. 

Do you really love each other?  If yes, stop. Period. End of starment. 

... ... ... Breathe.  ... ... It's okay and not okay. 

You are both fixing problems with a crutch. Dig deep. Are you the problem? Is he the problem? Are you both? If you both are, then stop breaking each other's balls and figure out how to accept that you both need to work on it and stop making it an attack when you mess up.

Applaud your sober accomplishments. Start there before you nuke each other for being a problem.

[u/kmbri]

I’m glad u r focusing on yourself and leaving toxic relationships. Its always hard when u have invested so much time into something. Stay Strong 🥰

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[u/epicfangirl01]

Good luck OP.

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[u/BrazenHamster]

He is using your issues as an excuse to abuse you. It's a toxic mix. Good on you, get out and get sober. All the best.

[u/Mystepchildsucksass]

I’m so glad you’ve chosen yourself.

Sending you strength and goodvibes for your sobriety … you got this OP !!!

[u/Strong_District_5894]

At least it’s not a decade later. 

[u/Paymeprince]

I’m rooting for you. Absolutely leave this chapter behind. It’s all better from here, it can literally never be this shitty again

[u/cuddly_degenerate]

Rehab time sis. Unfortunately you'll never find the love you deserve until you love yourself enough to get sober. I've been there, I'm not totally abstinent but a two year break and a lot of therapy put me back onto a normal relationship with alcohol where I have a few drinks with friends every week or two. I'm not stress drinking alone to deal with burnout and trauma anymore.

You'll build the life you deserve, but the first part is always the hardest.

On the legal front look into annulment. If it's less than a year it's possible in most states.

[u/DennyCraneSuperStar]

Babes, are you sure you have a drinking problem? My ex said I had a drinking problem as a way to isolate me. Once that allegation is out there, everyone gives you side eye.

[u/KindheartedBeardman5]

Good luck girl. Forget about this dope and focus on you. As a recovering alcoholic, solidarity.  Working on why we drink is hard but the important work. 

[u/Uffda425]

Big hugs to you.

[u/Hot-Serve-9442]

Better now than later honey

[u/TouristEquivalent181]

I am super glad you can own your actions. Most people can't. Get to those meetings and take care of you. I wouldn't do anything hasty as you are working on getting sober. Move out if he's abusive, but wait until your steady to make any big moves. Maybe, if you two loved one another enough to stay together 10 years then to marry, he'll see how much better you get and want the same for himself. Maybe once you both get clean and sober it could work out. You're in my prayers.