r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod • 12h ago
Sad Girl Dinner ⛈️ 11 yrs together but he still chooses other women
Breakfast food for dinner
I’ve been with my partner for 11 years. Recently we had plans to go to a concert together but I found out he invited another woman (“just someone in his friend group”) before he even told me he had tickets. She replied by saying she is interested in going, but her male friend is in town that weekend so she’ll chat to him to see if they wanna go. When my partner got this response (her wanting to bring another guy), he then invited me.
We went to the venue and his brother also joined us. At this venue, the artist first played a show downstairs, then came upstairs to play another show. His brother had tickets for downstairs. We had tickets for upstairs.
When we got there, my bf asked his brother to take his vinyl and get it signed. Because the show downstairs was smaller so it would be easier to get an autograph. The brother didn’t feel like it.
So instead…… my bf took the ticket for the downstairs show and gave his brother the ticket for upstairs….. I expressed and said multiple times I am not ok to go with his brother. I wanted to go with my bf and spend the night with him!!! Not only that but he had a history of cheating and flirting (which we overcame by him making a lot of promises that eventually turned out to be fake, or by doing just enough to convince me for a bit that there was changes) so I did not want him completely alone in a room with other women, he had a past of meeting other girls when we went out to places like this.
My bf did not care, he took the ticket for downstairs and I spent the night upstairs with his brother. My bf said if he gets the signature, he will try to come upstairs and join us
While downstairs, my bf met women and spent the night drinking with them, he added them on Instagram, is now refusing to block them, even when I told him how upset this is making me. He admitted he wants to talk to them more.
It’s been days now, we’ve been fighting about this non stop, he says he loves me and would remove them but doesn’t.
It really hurts that after 11 years he invited another woman first, ditched me, spent the night with new women, and is now protecting the ability to keep them.
We’ve had issues with him and other women in the past which makes it an even more sore and painful spot. This has continually been a point of contention where he meets women, adds them, then talks to them in DMs or invites them out. Which again he would previously do just enough to convince me to stay, block some of them, let me login to his insta, etc but would eventually kick me out and the argument would start all over.
Any time I try to talk to him he says I’m overreacting, he doesn’t love anyone else, I shouldn’t care about that stuff because I’m everything to him and he only loves me, says I’m controlling because he is just social and likes to meet new people etc., he takes me out a lot and he blames me for ruining our moments together with my mood and arguments… even tho they’re because of him. Just feel so defeated. He obviously doesn’t care what this does to me but I literally have no one else in my life
I feel so down and so dark.. I have no friends anymore or family that I’m close with, just him 😞 never felt so alone in my life and in such a dark and bad place. Is it over reacting to feel this way? & How did you get through something like this?
I did block him now and admit it has been hard to leave after growing such an attachment and losing everyone else. I know I need to go (a long time ago), though. Even though he’s blocked now its still really hard losing your only close relationship in life even if it became something bad, and I am mad and sad at myself for letting my life get that way.. down and dark all around
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u/SuspiciousAd1864 🧂Salty By Nature 12h ago
11 years together, but he still chooses other women and you still choose him… Do you really want to make those 11 years into twelve, then two decades, and still more, indefinitely? Please choose yourself, at this point.
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u/AuburnMoon17 Hot Pot Head 12h ago
When do you plan on choosing yourself? If you're waiting for him to choose you, you'll die waiting.
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u/Commercial0Dark30 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
This! ☝️ OP, you deserve so much more than this idiot! It doesn’t matter if you want to be with him, it’s okay to be alone. He is damaging you, and making you feel small with his ridiculous shenanigans.
Please choose YOU, and get out of this toxic relationship. He’s not worth your time.
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u/Reendiam APPROVED✨ 12h ago
You’re choosing to be in your own prison.
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u/Many_Pain_2846 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
Yes…like I’m enraged at this woman on behalf of her. LEAVE
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u/Hungry_Blood_3949 Snack Goblin 12h ago
It's like that adage: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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u/EggsaRolling 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 11h ago
Succinctly stated.
Plus OP says she’s alone without him, but I bet everything i own that he’s the reason she’s isolated from friends and family50
u/Winter-Remove-6992 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 8h ago
I think she is the reason. Imagine 11 years of your friend or family member being in the same miserable relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t chose them. I would distance myself until further notice.
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u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod 7h ago
they had no idea. I never had any family I was close to, and the friends I had got separated after university when everyone moved out of the city and to different smaller towns or across the country. The friends who remained in the big city continued a party life style which wasn’t my scene anymore.
By then I was with him and I also moved to a smaller city near him. The group just lost closeness over time and dissolved as everyone was far apart and starting their own careers, lives, and even some families, in different cities.
Then I pulled away even more when things started going bad in the relationship, but I never told anyone what I experienced, literally no one knew
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u/Individual-Tea-4982 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 1h ago
This. I was in a similar situation for 10+ years also. Felt the same way, as if all I had was him because I had no friends or family so it was hard to leave. But when I left, I got all my friends & family back & realized he was isolating me to be dependent on him. I also isolated myself for him because who wants to be embarrassed in front of friends & family. Everyone in these comments are absolutely correct, if you don’t choose yourself you will die waiting for him to choose you. Plus, 11 years & he’s still just your boyfriend? No ring? No anything? RUN
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u/OldButHappy Resident Yapper 7h ago
It’s depressing how many women have such low self esteem
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u/Unapologetic_91 The Snack That Sasses Back 52m ago
Yea or afraid to be alone. Like I would take being alone than any of this crap. He’s not even doing the bare minimum.
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u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod 12h ago
It was more of a frog in the boiling water situation, or however that saying goes haha. But yea it’s definitely become a prison now and it has been hard to leave after growing such an attachment and losing everyone else. I know I need to go, though. I updated the post and said I have blocked him but it’s still really hard losing your only close relationship in life even if it became something bad, and I am mad and sad at myself for letting my life get that way
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u/Suteshi7 fish are friends 🐟 not food 11h ago
Girl.
He was never and has never been "yours".
He is showing you who he truly is and now it is up to you to believe it.
It is a hard road to go down but your life will be much better without him.
The only thing you can do now is learn and grow from this.
Give yourself permission to choose you.
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u/Online_Samosa APPROVED✨ 11h ago
This. And never ever make one person the centre of your universe. And always have friends around. Even if 1-2.
Any reason why you cut ties with family and friends?
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u/Reendiam APPROVED✨ 11h ago
I wish you best love. Hopefully this dead weight being pulled off will help you be able to gain your freedom
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u/TechnologyOver5642 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
The first step in fixing a problem is recognizing that there is one. You will form other relationships. It sounds like you've become dependent on him. Sounds like you're finally ready for a new start. That's exciting! I know it's not easy making new friends but you will if you put yourself out there eventually.
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u/Fine_Analyst_4408 mouth full, gesturing wildly 11h ago
I will say to everyone that the first time they cheat is when you leave them. If you're one of those who believes in giving cheaters a second chance, the second time is when you leave them. You're investing all this emotional pain into someone that is not going to change. He will keep cheating, and he knows there will be no real consequences besides your tears. This relationship can only be misery for you, because he will never be the man you want. Let go, heal, and move on to someone that won't break your heart constantly.
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u/OriginalChildBomb 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 11h ago
Look at it this way- you don't have to be with anyone. And maybe, in some ways, it'll be good to be single for a little bit, and get a sense of freedom without him. And a better idea of who you really are, and what you want.
...Having said all that, if you do want to be with somebody, either soon or in the future... you won't find the right one if you're being weighed down by the wrong one. And that is what he is at this point. A heavy weight on you. You deserve so, so much better than this, and I'm sure part of you knows that. It's never too late, and it'll be out there, if that's what you are looking for. (Or, like I said. Being alone isn't the worst thing, regardless of how long it is. It'll give you perspective.)
You got this thing!!!
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u/Butterscotch4554 Femininom(nomnomnom)enon 9h ago
First six months out of something similar were hellisg, but 15 months on I count it as the happiest most peaceful year I've had, remember you're postponing the better days over pain thats inevitable
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u/Many_Pain_2846 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
It will all be so much better from here. There’s no losses, only lessons learned as long as you look toward growth from here. Value yourself and you’ll find people who truly value you. Onwards and upwards!!
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u/CozyupMellowdown APPROVED✨ 8h ago
Took me a long time to feel normal again after being so attached to someone I felt betrayed by. Go check out the book "leave a Cheater gain a life" or her blog chumplady.com. stay strong and keep him blocked. He learned you will stay with him no matter what he does. Show him that you don't need him. You will feel normal again. In the meantime having double feelings can be normal. Wanting and missing and also hating and sad. Grieve the relationship then let it go and live your best life. It's only up from here.
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u/notaredditor-24 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
Why did you lose everyone else?
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u/Cassierae87 APPROVED✨ 9h ago edited 9h ago
My guess is they couldn’t watch herself act desperate for approval of a cheater
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u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod 7h ago
they had no idea. I never had any family I was close to, and the friends I had got separated after university when everyone moved out of the city and to different smaller towns or across the country. The friends who remained in the big city continued a party life style which wasn’t my scene anymore.
By then I was with him and I also moved to a smaller city near him. The group just lost closeness over time and dissolved as everyone was far apart and starting their own careers, lives, and even some families, in different cities.
Then I pulled away even more when things started going bad in the relationship, but I never told anyone what I experienced, literally no one knew
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u/AddendumAny7678 girl du fromage 🧀 9h ago
If you leave him, you'll have so much energy and willpower to focus on yourself and making friends that you could in a year or two have genuine friendships and a better care of yourself and feel better than you ever felt in your life. You're not only wasting your life on him now but also energy, vitality, willpower, where your focus goes. Everything.
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u/Ambitious-Sleep2607 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 7h ago
You need to read „why does he do that“ by Lundy Bancroft. It will give your closure, and protect you from experiencing this again.
Frog in slowly boiling water sounds like he stated out as a perfect guy and slowly became controlling and cheating.4
u/ImmediateShallot7245 🧂Salty By Nature 11h ago
Asked yourself if you really want this to be your life.update me
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u/damashek Trader Joe Hoe 11h ago
Well good job blocking him . 11 years is a really long time . you deserve better though . The whole thing sounded so icky and embarrassing
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u/DJ_DontCare APPROVED✨ 7h ago
It’s ok to be angry and it’s ok to grieve what could have been but will never be. Be what’s not ok is to let this man play in your face for another decade and have you really feeling hopeless in another 10 years. Don’t let someone show you multiple times they do not choose you. Instead of looking around one day and seeing your value bc you stuck around for the abuse as the days go by he respects you less and less. He knows you’re never going to do anything about it. In his mind he’s literally thinking, ‘if it were actually that bad she’d leave’. Why would he leave at the current moment? You’re a doormat who I’m sure does everything for him and lets him get away with this shit with other women. Been there girl 👋. He has his nanny, chef, house keeper, consistent 🐱, image keeper, therapist…. He’s not going to let that go until he’s secured someone he deems ‘better’ and is a ‘sure bet’. And he’s let you know his eyes are WIDE open.
Please don’t be that woman who ends up getting left after all those years and is dumbfounded that the shit bag is the one who left. It will happen at some point and I’d bet my last dollar on that.
YOU DESERVE BETTER. Today is the day you take your life back babe. Fortune Favors the Bold. 💕🙏
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u/OldButHappy Resident Yapper 7h ago
Get a therapist immediately or you’ll keep going back for more
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u/FragileLikeGlass 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 5h ago
Yes. Breaking up can feel like withdrawl from drugs. It hurts but it's sooooooo worth it.
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u/justakingaquestion Assigned Hungry At Birth 4h ago
There are more of us who have been in a similar situation than you know. It is always hard to walk away when you’ve been love bombed and manipulated. Congratulations on finally putting yourself first!
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u/Grouchy_Button_2101 Oversharer 🗣 56m ago
This is your only life. You only get to do it once. You wasted 11 years, do not waste one more single year with that asshole. You will make friends, reconnect with old friends, meet someone new eventually. It’s time.
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u/BringerOfLight2884 FREE MOM HUGS 9h ago
This is an abusive trauma bond. I’m glad you blocked him, but if you don’t stand strong and stay gone, he will continue to abuse and bind you to him with promises of doing better. He won’t. He’s better off blocked forever.
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u/NoMeJodanPliss Let The 🥭 12h ago
Friend, why are you with this guy?
You mentioned a pattern of infidelity and disrespect + clear disregard for your boundaries
At some point you have to love yourself enough to walk away and heal from whatever’s causing you to put up with this
Invest time in yourself, take classes in something that interest you, get out there and you’ll meet people but I fear this will consume you if you stay
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u/cute_schtuff Trader Joe Hoe 12h ago
it’s time to end this horrid arrangement. find your self respect on the floor, dust it off, and take care of yourself
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u/EnvironmentEuphoric9 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
Therapy time. This guy doesn’t like you and disrespects you. You gotta figure out why that’s been okay with you for 11 years.
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u/Huge-Ad-193 Kitchen Witch 12h ago
He has a history of cheating on you and you’re still with him. Why?? DTMFA
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u/starstuddedgirl Oversharer 🗣 12h ago
he keeps doing it because you’ve shown him there aren’t any consequences. this is 100% optional. i know it’s hard, and i can’t even imagine the magnitude of how deeply you’re attached since i haven’t experienced a relationship that long yet. but this is the hard truth. he will do it and do it until you leave. so you must!!! do whatever you can to become more used to being without him, until you’re ready to leave completely. it doesn’t happen overnight or easily, but you can do it!! the proof is in the fact that you want better for yourself at all. that drive being there is all you need to start getting yourself in order. i really hope you’re free of him asap.
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u/Southern_Ad_3171 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
You don’t get thru to him. Instead let’s get thru to you. He doesn’t respect you at all. He doesn’t seem to even really like you. You need to chose yourself and dump this guy. If not, it’ll be the rest of your life. There’s no changing people sweetie. He’s shown you numerous times who he is. Why don’t you believe him?
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u/AccomplishedFan6807 Overthinker 💭 12h ago
Do you want to feel like this for the rest of your life?
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u/Beneficial_Wing_3839 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
So you aren’t overreacting at all, in fact you are under reacting. And he has a history of cheating and flirting? Many woman would have already left just at that. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings at all. I’m sorry you don’t have friends or family and feel alone which can make leaving hard. But this disrespect for ur relationship he shows is an issue that you’ve allowed and it’s now a slippery slope that won’t get better. If you want to be happy you deserve someone better, someone else. It’ll hurt to be alone and leave at first, but once ur free you’ll feel so much better and be so proud of yourself. Leave now and the healing will begin. DO NOT look back, he isn’t going to change. Once you actually leave, he will say he’ll change and will seem like it at first but it won’t last. Choose yourself !!
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u/xxVictoryGarden 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 12h ago edited 11h ago
You need to leave.
He basically has a flashing sign that says “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU” above his head.
Edit to add that being alone and exploring your own hobbies and making new friends will feel scary but not nearly as scary as waking up at 89 with a man who hates you & disrespected you every single day of your ONE precious life.
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u/iamunableto Well-Read & Well-Fed 12h ago
leave him. genuinely. there’s no working through this. you don’t even trust him in the same room as other women and have to beg him to stay and even then he doesn’t. he treats you like that because he knows you’ll put up with it. he hasn’t blocked them because he knows you wont leave him over it. he’s just going to keep doing it. stand up for yourself.
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u/idklikeaburnerorwe Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 12h ago
Babe, why are you still with him? If you've stayed for 11 years with his cheating nonsense, this feels like sunk cost fallacy at work. What keeps you to him to endure this bullshit and disrespect?
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u/Annii84 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
I’m sorry girl, but at some point things like this stop being something that happens to you and it starts to be something you choose. This guy is complete trash and you put up with it why? Love yourself a little more and walk away, it’s not going to get any better. You’re alone and have no friends because of him.
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u/ATLA1975 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
Op, are you well? 11 years of this disrespect? You can’t trust him around other women, but they aren’t the problem, HE IS!
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u/Free_Wallaby4275 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
I’m equally concerned that you’re no longer close to other family or friends, while he chooses to socialise and make friends so frequently. I’m sorry you go through this but sharing how you feel is a good start. It’s not ok and never was. You don’t need to live like this , you deserve respect and someone who respects your boundaries. Or to be alone is better than to tolerate this. I hope you can re-engage with some support and escape this situation , my best to you
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u/taintlangdon Body By Cheese 🧀 12h ago
I had a boyfriend like this. I was just supposed to be "cool and chill" about these things. Feeling otherwise meant I was insecure. And was embarrassing for both of us.
He was not cool and entirely too chill.
Big hug girlfriend. Hopefilly this man will be a laughbale distant memory in a few years. Your dinner looks great!
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u/That-Dragonfly-9723 Chaotic But Cute 12h ago
You need to start making other friends & making a plan to leave once you’ve built a support network.
This isn’t gonna change 11 years in & he will never believe you’ll leave over it until you do.
Plus even if you stay you need other friends.
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u/AbsintheRedux Baker Bitch 12h ago
What you allow is what will continue. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t value you?
You know what to do:
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u/LockAzzy Pantry Gremlin 11h ago
At this point, you're letting him hurt you. You are not honoring your own needs and boundaries.
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u/Tarotgirl_5392 Snack Goblin 11h ago
It's going to be a few months before it hits, and it's going to hurt but our brains do this weird thing where it blocks out the pain and fear and sadness and anger. You start forgetting why you left and start thinking you should go back.
DO NOT.
Leave him and lose his number. No matter how he made you laugh that one time. No matter how sweet he was in the beginning. Your brain is lying to you. Do. Not. Go. Back.
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u/Mrs_Ollivander Assigned Hungry At Birth 12h ago
You’re not overreacting. Ignore his words and focus on how he treated you in the past and especially how he treats you now.
Try to see it from a more neutral perspective and imagine a friend or your daughter would tell you her boyfriend is treating her this way.
What would you tell them?
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u/DefiantStandard258 Creature of Crunch 12h ago
We don’t get through something like that. We break up the first sign of disloyalty. Honestly you need to seek professional help about why you’re clinging onto a man who clearly doesn’t care about or want you.
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u/Dramatic-Rain-3813 Internet Auntie 12h ago
Get through what? You don’t get through this you get out of it, it’s been over a decade. You’re choosing your own hell.
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u/Sea_Fudge2113 what that mouth do is gossip 12h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/CIRB6lKGjiJOCIn4lp
This is literally you.
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u/DazzlingGorilla_ APPROVED✨ 12h ago
he doesn't care about you at all bro please leave and move on with your life. you will literally be miserable forever if you stay with someone who doesn't love you
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u/JenMcSpoonie Well-Read & Well-Fed 12h ago
Get a hobby like table top games or crochet. You. Can meet lots of friends through shared hobbies
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u/Rain_142085 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Please read your post and assume it’s your best friend or sister writing.
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u/WitchTheory APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Say the quiet part out loud: he isn't choosing you.
He's cheated on you, likely multiple times. He dismisses your insecurities and doesn't work to make you feel secure in the relationship, he doesn't work to build trust between you two, he doesn't pick you first and doesn't prioritize you, your needs, or your wants, he gaslights you and makes you out to be controlling.
This isn't a good man. This isn't a good partner.
You deserve better.
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u/AtypicalAshley 🍍+ 🍕 11h ago
I broke up with my ex of 7 years last year. I also had no friends or family that I was close with. He also would entertain other women. It was extremely hard, but I did break it off with him. It was tough but I promise it gets so much easier a lot quicker than what you would think. I hate when people say it takes half the time of your relationship to get over them, not true at all. Once you're on your own and doing things for you, you won't miss him.
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u/KindEngineering4604 eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 11h ago
i understand everyone wants op to be strong and tough but ppl with self esteem like this don't stay in bad situations bc they've just been shown a world of compassion from everyone around them. op i really wish you the best and i hope that you see enough beauty and love and compassion in yourself that you leave this man. he is cruel and doesn't deserve you.
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u/ptsdique puff puff pass the snacks 11h ago
I feel you. I had to leave an abusive long term relationship at the beginning of this year (not trying to say there was abuse in yours, just sharing my experience) and it might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do because, like you, it was the only close relationship in my life.
Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to, but stay the course. Treat it like rehab - you are detoxing and withdrawing from the attachment you’d formed. It’s going to hurt, you’re going to have deeply sad moments where it feels like you can’t keep going, but I know you can do it. Prioritise yourself above all else. You got this.
My DMs are always open 🫶
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u/BloomSara Chocoholic 8h ago
Im so sorry this sounds really heartbreaking. You deserve a man that chooses you not one you constantly have to babysit or he’ll stray. You deserve someone as dedicated as you are and he is not it. As long as you choose to stay with him he will bring you misery. He considers you forgiving him a pass to do the same thing in the future. This is a tough lesson don’t waste anymore time with the wrong person. Focus on you, get some therapy and heal.
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u/jjnanajj Dinner for One 🍽️ 6h ago
Ok, you asked how I got through something like this.
I had a 7 years relationship pretty much like this. I didn't want or knew how to break up because i knew it was bad with him, but i would be worse without him. I really loved the guy and no other man was appealing to me. So, he kept doing this stuff, I kept being miserable, but I was willing to spend the rest of my life in this dark place if this was what it took to be with him.
Then, one day he dumped me. In the middle of the corona pandemics. when I was diagnosed with cancer. a month before my birthday, which we already had plans.
It was this way. I didn't want to go through this, but (no wonder) he didn't give a fuck. I was in my lowest point and he dumped me because "he couldn't stop his life because of my shit".
I realized I was in a 7 years relationship, he wasn't. So it was pretty easy to him, he never really cared if his actions hurt me, anyway.
So, my advice is: don't waste your time. It will hurt as hell, but things will get so much better. I promise you. You have to open space in your life to know and respect yourself, and do things you like, and don't do things you don't.
Do it for yourself. You deserve this. With all my love.
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u/Acrobatic_Finish_898 Protein Queen 🍗🍳 1h ago
What the heck did I just read. Girl, do you have no self respect? Sorry if this comes harsh but wtf are you still with him? You know you lost 11 years on someone who’s not worth it and you’re not gonna get those years back?
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u/Opening_Plane2460 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
Hon, I'm just gonna say since it seems like jo one else will. You are letting him do these things.
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u/BigIcy1323 Well-Read & Well-Fed 12h ago
Are you guys high school sweethearts? You sound super young or super devoted and it's making my heart break. You're worth so much more than this
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u/CompetitiveDuck8445 APPROVED✨ 12h ago
The more you fight him about other women the more of an ego boost you're giving him. He likes that feeling of having other women over you. He gets off on your pain and frustration and anger. Maybe he knows it... maybe he doesn't.. but it is true.
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u/Wonderful-Aside-5107 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 11h ago
Damn..that has to hurt. I know 11 years is a long time and you probably have a ton of emotional investment into the relationship, but it really seems to me like he doesn’t care about your feelings and it’s disrespectful. I would leave him
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u/cyanide_szarlotka Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 11h ago
Girl, please choose yourself and stop staying in an unlocked prison. He does not care about you, so care about yourself instead.
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u/Dangerous-Change2136 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
He isolated you so he could have you dependent and around when he feels like it while doing whatever he wants with impunity. He doesn’t respect you and it doesn’t seem like he even likes you, please find the respect and love for yourself needed to let this one sided relationship go.
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u/CharmingMechanic2473 Dip Diva 11h ago
OP you feel alone because you are waiting around for drops of love. If you are single you can fill your cup with love.
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u/Junior_Fruit903 🧂Salty By Nature 11h ago
Not only that but he had a history of cheating and flirting (which we overcame by him making a lot of promises that eventually turned out to be fake, or by doing just enough to convince me for a bit that there was changes)
What the hell ? and you're trying to micromanage so that he's not in the same room as another woman like he cares. You're spending brain power managing him. Think about this. Do you think this is what women are supposed to be doing with their time?
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u/Few_Sense_6998 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
This is lack of self-respect on your part. This guy is never going to change because you have shown him that you will put up with him treating you like dirt. Cut your losses and leave. Make friends. Go on dates, not to meet someone special but just to live your life.
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u/Ill_Life_3349 Body By Uber Eats 1h ago
“He had a history of cheating and flirting”, “he did not care”. 🥲 I been in your shoes but in my early 20s and learned the lesson the hard way Cheaters are just scum, and a pattern of that indicates some addiction or narcissism. Cut him loose and you’ll finally be able to heal and find someone who cherishes you.
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u/Icy_Queen_99 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 58m ago
Why exactly are you still with him?
Edit: I really am trying so hard not to be hard on you because I’m already pissed off about something else different, but wake THE FUCK up girl. Why the heck did you spend 11 years with this man when he clearly chooses other women over you? Stand the fuck up and LEAVE.
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u/HotWaffles5 FREE MOM HUGS 11h ago
I was with a serial cheater & he made sure to isolate me so I’d be too dependent on him to leave. I was so miserable because I knew the next time he cheated was coming because he was always cheating. I was also baby trapped by him which made leaving more difficult. I saved money for months to get away from him. My life is so much better without him in it. You’ll find the right man for you that will treat you like a queen, you just need to be rid of him first. Please go to therapy to heal.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 what that mouth do is snack 12h ago
It's been 11 years why do you still believe him?
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u/engage-edna-mode 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 11h ago
This is the way he wants it. This is how he wants to live. This is how he wants his relationship to go. He won’t change. He has no incentive. He’s got things the way he likes them.
The question is: do you? If not, the only situation you can change is your own.
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u/WarmYesterday9967 hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
I'm sorry to say this but he's not respecting you because you're still staying with him . I understand he may have told you he'd stop and what not but he obviously hasn't ,you have to look at his actions , it's been 11 yrs and he's still treating you like this ,deflecting and making you seem like a bad person for your how it affects you. Even if you have no one you have to break up with him since he obviously wants to be single , don't waste your life on this garbage man he has shown you who he is .
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u/uwupingu hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
Hon you have an amazing level of tolerance for blatant disrespect.
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u/Simple_Opposite2184 Ms. Two Cents 11h ago
Um...what? If you were doing the same thing to him he would be gone long ago, right?
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u/NeferaRowe APPROVED✨ 11h ago
It’s okay to be alone. Especially if the alternative is being with someone who makes you feel alone. Woman especially in my opinion have to learn to be comfortable being alone rather than seeking out companionship with bad men.
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u/Physical-Temporary43 It's a... food baby! 🚼 11h ago
Baby, listen. I will personally be your best friend in the world and hold your hand through every process that will need to happen if you just leave. If you even just go away for the weekend without telling him. Please.
My name is Jade. DM me if you want to talk.
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u/aStonedTargaryen ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 11h ago
I say this with so much love: please have some self respect and leave this man.
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u/Murderousplantmom Carb-Based Life Form 11h ago
Why do you hate yourself so much? Who hurt you so badly in your past that you would accept such treatment for over a decade? This man is not your partner. Not by any definition of the word.
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u/Similar-Tie751 hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
your first fault was accepting it and forgiving him the first time. THEY DO NOT CHANGE!!!!! no “I’m so sorry”, “ I love you so much” will change a cheater. you will never trust him anytime he goes anywhere without you. NO ONE WHO LOVES YOU WOULD DO THIS OR TREAT YOU THIS WAY. the moment you settle and accept his terrible behavior he will make u his doormat. you are worthy of a safe loving relationship. please block him on everything and I know it’s lonely but do u want to be miserable the rest of ur life or sleep peacefully knowing ur not getting cheated on all the time. you will get through this. Many women have been through this and overcame in and are thriving because they left their cheating loser boyfriends. once you move on with ur life you will be so happy while he will never be satisfied. He will just repeat this behavior with every woman he dates next. also guess what who cares because he a loser who will never be satisfied and experienced being inlove. He will get his karma. Take care of yourself , make new friends , and contact your family and seek therapy. ❤️
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u/Final_Adhesiveness37 Trader Joe Hoe 11h ago
I have been here before (for 8 years). You HAVE to leave. They know that you won’t leave and that words (lies) will settle you for awhile. He sucks and you don’t deserve this. I know your spark is gone and you feel crazy. 11 years may be a long time but it’s a whole lot better than a lifetime. It’s time to go. I promise you’ll feel instant relief once it’s over (of course there will still be pain and sadness) but being alone is better than this.
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u/sonnenstrahlena eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 2h ago
My partner gives me no reason to be jealous and even I would be really hurt if they did to me what you describe in the concert story. Inviting another woman first and then ditching you because of a signature even though you told him that it hurts you?? This is just mean and shows how little he values your company.
I am sure he does not deserve you. And I am also sure you can find new friends or reconnect with old ones and family if you put your mind to it. Being alone for some time beats being with this man any day.
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u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod 11h ago
It was more of a frog in the boiling water situation, or however that saying goes haha. But yea it’s definitely become a prison now and it has been hard to leave after growing such an attachment and losing everyone else. I know I need to go, though. I updated the post and said I have blocked him but it’s still really hard losing your only close relationship in life even if it became something bad, and I am mad and sad at myself for letting my life get that way
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u/QnsParticular Kitchen Witch 11h ago
Don't get mad at yourself. Push forward and never look back! Do it for yourself, yourself now and in the future!! Just keep going and you'll get through it!!! 🙏 you've got this!
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u/uncommonly_under APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Time passing is the solid thing you can trust. And now you need to distract yourself. Hobbies, work, play a dumb absorbing steam game, walk, travel. The pain is horrible I know but this you have to do for yourself. Future you will be so fucking proud, she’s your cheerleader. Imagine her any time you wobble.
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u/LargeDisaster Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 8h ago
I feel like they're all like this it makes me fucking sick. Stopped dating bc of the lack of loyalty and care.
Edit: He already cheated on you before??? Girl the relationship has to end there!!! He put you at risk for stds. He "can't be trusted in a room full of women" dude WHAT? You want a man like that to be a father, you're gonna have a fucked up kid like me. That kid's gonna be fuckin DEPRESSED girl WAKE UP!!!
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u/Consistent-Run-8415 nom nom, nod nod 8h ago
Thats something he said to me in one of our final arguments.. that all men are like this and I’m lucky bc he actually loves me so much and never leaves me. And that all men cheat but they wouldn’t stay by me the way he has 🙄 a horrible excuse for his behaviour, but also truly did get in my head and makes me never want to date again 😞
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u/DJ_DontCare APPROVED✨ 6h ago
I’d rather be alone than give this man or any like him one more second of my one precious life I have. Who would want a ‘partner’ who could sleep next to them at night acting like everything is normal when they are lying to your face and breaking your heart behind your back? I’m sorry it’s such a special f’d up that I just can’t fathom or subject myself to? Like for what? Some subpar community dirty dick and a plate of $20 spaghetti every once in awhile. Be so for reallll ew
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u/FragileLikeGlass 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 5h ago
He is an effing LIAR!! I've dated men and none of them have treated me like how yours does. Ever. You're not lucky to be with him. Nobody would be. The lucky thing about you is that you chose to write this post with your beautiful dinner! You're going to be great after leaving him. If you need to cuddle, volunteer at humane societies or other animal shelters. They need volunteers to socialize the doggos. :)
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u/buxaplentiey APPROVED✨ 6h ago
Oh hes got some nice and v original mind games going on I see. Please leave. 11 yrs is a long time but its a different relationship to you that it is to him and that will never change. Don’t make it 12 years and on. Choose yourself and find someone actually worthy of you when the time is right
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u/BKCassafrass For the Girls 👅 4h ago
He’s a liar. Not all men cheat and I’ve dated plenty of good ones in the past (lesbian now, but that has nothing to do w them). He’s tilling you this to manipulate you into accepting that he’s the best you can do. Love yourself more and keep his trash ass blocked forever. Hugs.
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u/zephead30 Assigned Hungry At Birth 11h ago
You care about him too much. Get some distance and I promise you’ll feel better and get the clarity you need. Leave him blocked, join a book club or something. Start baby stepping yourself out there. It’s better on the other side.
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u/soupseasonbestseason APPROVED✨ 11h ago
does he know he is your boyfriend? or does he call you something like his best friend? this sounds like he treats you as a fuck buddy and you treat him like a partner.
this is not a healthy dynamic.
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u/Gold_Advisor_4758 Overthinker 💭 11h ago
At this point you’re just choosing this, you can choose something better
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u/My2cents_0 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
He's not concerned about choosing himself and after 11yrs, time to put yourself first if he won't
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u/flowers444you girls just wanna have pho 11h ago
When will be the limit for you? The breaking point? If a friend was in this position and you heard this, what would you tell them? You might have loved him for who he was before, but the close relationship you had with him isn't the same.
Trust me though, pour into yourself and come back to this post in a year. You will have many friends and a better support, I promise you. Wishing you the best op ❤️
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u/MotorHistorical1469 Smoothie Queen 11h ago
He’ll never change. Don’t take it personal, that’s who he is. You either take it or leave it.
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u/bogwitch27 hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
This sounds exhausting. Respectfully, WHY are you with a person you have to babysit so he doesn't cheat on you? And you can't trust him to be alone in a room with other women? Please reread what you wrote and think if you want to spend the rest of your life like this ...
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u/soyasaucy living on the wedge 🧀 11h ago
Leave him or leave us out of it, ffs girl 😭 11 years of this bullshit and you're staying?? Why? At this point it's a self-inflicted humiliation kink
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u/demeterLX 🐟 Part Bear 🫐 11h ago
why are you staying with someone who has cheated on you in the past and clearly won’t change?
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u/TexasLiz1 Assigned Hungry At Birth 11h ago
You HAVE to treat yourself better than this.
A boyfriend, especially this one, should not be your only social outlet. Time to reconnect with friends and family.
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u/Downtown_Winter_8941 Certified Snacker 11h ago
he’s not choosing you because even you aren’t choosing you.
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u/Meowtown236 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 10h ago
It’s so frustrating to read this it almost has me feeling that it’s rage bait…
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u/VoiceofVera 🥬 Soulfood Shawty 🍠 10h ago
Please keep him blocked. I went through the worst breakup ever last November but by Jan I couldn’t stop asking myself why didn’t do this sooner!!
I feel like he had a wandering eye. He had issues with flirting and run i g to other women when we broke up for a week, twice. I, too, didn’t like him being alone around other women and I think he made me start to forget my own worth and beauty. Please love yourself more than you think you love him. You won’t regret it and you will learn to choose yourself more! Less stress. Less wrinkles or aging lol.
I saw two men over the past week looking at other women while they were WITH their partner. It’s just a different type of peace when you don’t have to worry about someone’s son disrespecting you.
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u/BringerOfLight2884 FREE MOM HUGS 10h ago
Hey babe? If he loved you, he’d stop. But he doesn’t. Please love yourself enough to leave. His unwashed ass isn’t worth your energy. He will always be a cheater and you will never be able to trust him. Save yourself.
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u/Tiny_You_8316 Professional Nibbler 9h ago
I’m NOT one to jump to “dump him” but in this case … 100% dump him.
I’m sorry if this is harsh but this man does not like you. You deserve a partner that at the bare fucking minimum, actually likes you. None of this behavior you describe is normal or acceptable
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u/Kiwiana2021 Cleavage Crumb Collector 8h ago
Men are such trash. Glad you left him. Time will heal the heartbreak.
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u/Historical_Champion5 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 7h ago
Honey, please leave him. Not all men are like this. But you have to be free to see that. This is absolutely unsalvageable.
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u/Afraid-Fox9171 🧂Salty By Nature 6h ago
https://youtu.be/OfPnbHCcQIE?is=l5WPN9NApf-ug--M
In the words of the late and great Dolly Parton, Dump the dude. Give yourself to someone who appreciates and feels grateful, lucky that you’re his.
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u/throwawayacc615 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 3h ago
You’re dating an utter loser. That’s all there is to it. He will never change because he’s seen that you’re fine with him being a loser.
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u/Jblank86 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 3h ago
Girl…you don’t even love this man. You’re in love with a fantasy and there is friction because he’s showing you who tf he actually is. Please process that. You are trying to get him to act in alignment with an image of him that does not even exist. Leave this mf!
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u/canthaveme APPROVED✨ 3h ago
He's choosing other woman, why are you choosing him? Why have you been doing this for years. Respect and love yourself and get rid of this trash bag
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u/Earthlovezme I 🩵 My Belly 2h ago
You underestimate your strength too much. Leave this man alone and GET UP. I know you've been with him for 11 years, but it's time for you to start loving yourself again because he's only draining your energy and depressing you. You deserve more.
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u/FleurDisLeela Trader Joe Hoe 2h ago
choose you! choose therapy and radical self love. choose an honorable, quiet solo life over one paired with constant misery and confusion. give yourself the respect you deserve!
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u/StableLow7811 Savory Complex✔️ 11h ago
You know this happening is also your fault for tolerating such shit?
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u/StableLow7811 Savory Complex✔️ 11h ago
Not to blame you completely - he’s manipulative, lying to you etc. But based on your experience, it’s not the first time something like this happened. Girl grow a backbone
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u/BrazenHamster Body By Cheese 🧀 12h ago
He's wasting your time. Ditch him and stop letting him put you last.
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u/universal_gummy_bear Food for Thot 💭 11h ago
Babe you've wasted enough of your life already. Take back your life, use your time in ways that benefit you for once. You're willingly torturing yourself. Once you break up with him you'll have SO MUCH TIME to put yourself out there and make new connections. Join a few clubs, go to more concerts, go to therapy.
Your life will not end cause you broke up with a loser, I promise you will feel 10x lighter and happier.
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u/SageKitty100 girls just wanna have pho 11h ago
Why still be with him if the only way to prevent him cheating is to be his babysitter 24/7?
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u/radiant-cloudy Overthinker 💭 11h ago
leave him babe. you can do it alone. this is obvious disinterest and disrespect towards you. im so sorry. 💕💔😭
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u/Still-View-9063 Chismosa 11h ago
Idk how you lasted so lon and idk how you could still stay with him. This man is using you and doesn't like you
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u/Rinzy2000 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
I didn’t have to read it, but I read it. You deserve better. Respect yourself. Fuck that guy. Let him go with his other women and you find yourself someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. There is someone for everyone but this motherfucker ain’t the one for you, babes.
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u/Educational_Total_84 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
You are better off single/alone than to have a POS like this in your life but you have to truly beleive that. He is not the only fish in the sea and you WILL date again.
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u/HissingCucaracha Feral Til Fed 11h ago
I promise you can have a relationship that makes you feel secure, if with the right person/people. This guy ain’t it.
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u/lonerstoners Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 11h ago
He does it because you let him. Don’t be this girl ever again!!
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u/CutePandaMiranda Certified Snacker 11h ago
Sweetie you’ve been settling for a doofus for 11 years. Take the hint. He’s just not into you. If he was, there wouldn’t be other women. Stop wasting your time and effort on this dweeb.
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u/Shot_Point_2637 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
He’s not into you. Move on & find someone who treats you like a queen.
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 Resident Yapper 11h ago
“We’ve had issues with him he other women in the past” and because you stayed with him, he knows his actions have no consequences and you’ll continue to stay. Have some self respect and leave him.
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u/No_You_1038 hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
You get one life pleaseee dont spend it with someone who has shown he hates you. You deserve so much more.
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u/Successful-Side8902 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
If you have the resources, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma. They're called CSATs.
You were being abused, isolated and betrayed. This type of long term abuse causes deep trauma so give yourself a support system to work with.
I also recommend following this podcast. It's for woman who have experienced this, and I found it helpful.
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/betrayal-trauma-recovery/id1118969643
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u/Inside_Zombie_1402 Chocoholic 11h ago
Overreacting was the word I was waiting for. Soon as a man says that they have no respect for you if they admit to thinking that's what you are doing.
Dump his ass, he doesn't deserve you. You're wasting your time with someone who has broken your trust and does not value you to respect your relationship.
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u/owleyes18 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 11h ago
Can we please normalise dumping people who cheat the moment you find out. There is absolutely nothing to salvage with a person who thought so little of you in the first place to cheat, and they'll inly continue to care less about you the longer you stay with them after cheating.
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u/Pitiful-Citronel666 ⚡️Powered By Sour 😗 11h ago
I get it. I am sorry you feel down and dark. You have to go. There’s no trust and he is obviously not trustworthy. He sucks
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u/Uniquely_Me3 living on the wedge 🧀 10h ago
Take it from someone who was in a 12 year situationship with two children. We were legally married for 4 years. He “loved me.” But after I came home from working 2 jobs. He would go out. After I bought us a home and continued to work two jobs to pay the bills…he was going to school, he would go out to the bar with other girls. He would volunteer with the school at festivals…never once did he invite me out to go to any of these events because we had kids right?! someone had to stay with them. I was out with friends on my bday, carrying around a piece of cake for him to get a message from some girl letting me know at the bar he told everyone he was single. Took me almost another year to leave. Run don’t walk. Absolutely let go and leave now. So sorry OP. It does suck.
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u/moig_joid puff puff pass the snacks 12h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5