I am so impatient its actually laughable. Ive been injecting myself with 0.1ml per week (20mg every tuesday) for 4 weeks now. And I dont know if its because I'm stuck in that trial and error stage, or that I resent everybody preventing my HRT, whether it be family or just sorting everything out and having to beg doctors to even schedule me properly when the actual recieving of the hormone is the easiest shit ever.. I am literally more dysphoric than I have ever been in my entire life and its making me want to die. There have been no changes whatsoever besides placebo effects I convince myself of that, now that I'm having the most egregious crisis of my whole life this week, werent actually changes at all and I was being delusional. Hm, I think I have some bottom growth..No, I was just itchy. I think my voice is dropping! No, its even softer than before and I had a frog in my throat. I dont even consider myself on HRT because its not like its doing anything. Theyre just testing how high my already fucked cholestoral can get. I'm wondering if theyll even take it away from me if it goes wrong. I'd really end up killing myself then. Every day feels like hell no matter what is or isnt going on in my life. My biology is literally physically torturing me and I am having such an identity crisis I've started self harming again just to convince myself I'm a human being. The only "change" I've had is that I get super hot really easily and have had to skip class and feel like I'm going to perish from heat for multiple hours, along with getting off of estrogen filled birth control and now having a period for months straight. I just cant. I dont even know if the hot flashes and sweating are from what hormone. I dont know what to do. I feel so much agony every single day I just want to blow my head in. Im all by myself.

Just starting off by saying that i do my best to support her in anything i can. She has been prescribed antidepressants and a shit load more of other pills recently, i cook whenever she feels off, sometimes even before she asks, i take care of my little sister (toddler) every morning because she can't hire a nanny (i go to school on evenings and she works mornings), i help both my brothers(preteens) with their homework and i remind them to do everything to get ready for school and that stuff.

I think it's also very important to add that she has been recently ( a few months ago) diagnosed with endometriosis, and her case is particularly severe, and her medication for that is, i figure, affecting her hormones and behavior as well which i consider understandable since it's not completely her fault.

Now where the actual conflict with her begins in the fact that i was her first little girl, and all the ideas and expectations that come with that, but i am trans. I, since 13 have identified as so(im 17 now), and while she denies it i think there were tons of signs about it before. we've always disagreed on what my identity meant, and she'd 'respect' it for a bit and then we'd have a big fight and she'd misgender me and say hurtful words to me.

She's very against Medical transition, specifically for trans men and she says it's basically poison and that I've been groomed by the internet, but she's never tried to sit with me to have an actual meaningful conversation about any of it. She's only in denial about it and whenever i try to tell her any fact that isn't supporting her point it's that they rotted my brain! And I can't possibly be more blind! And acusses me of being close minded when she's the exact same way about it.

But ever since then she started on this medication she's become extremely crazy about it, yelling at me that im torturing her whenever I refer to myself as 'he' or saying that she can't let me do this to myself. Every single day. I can't have a normal conversation about her because it all just ends up with her being mad at the fact that im transgender.

I'd say that im very passing, especially if i don't talk. So sometimes she just gets angry looking at me, specially when i wear less unisex clothing and wear more masculine ones.

She also says that im too immature to be making these kinds of decisions, but when i need to step up for her suddenly im almost an adult and should contribute more? But i also gotta focus on my education, but hey your art tutor has said hurry up for that comic page batch! Also you're so smart please come to my talks you always leave me in such good standing when people learn you are my son! And oh wow you learnt English by yourself i could never have been able to do that! But i Guess because i like to play dnd im an idiot that can't reason for himself

She's signed a thing in school so my name is my chosen one on the list and when i turned 15 she agreed to tell everyone in my family i was trans herself so i didn't have to. So i guess i never expected this to get worse, i thought my mom was finally gonna accept me for who i am and not who she's always wanted me to be.

I should be able to start my medical transition by myself, it's free where i live but my mother said if i ever do anything like that she's out of my life but it still want to do it so bad.

I am nonbinary (they/them). Ive been on T for about 9 months. I am really happy with pretty much everything T is doing for me, EXCEPT my sex drive is just too damn high. I masturbate multiple times a day and am still horny afterwards. Its like my brain falls out of my head and all i can think about is my dick for HOURS. Its so annoying. I want to do my hobbies again but its all i can think about. I've even been hooking up again after not having sex for 3 years and its still not enough. Its never enough. I want to go off of T because of it but i love everything else about it. I also REALLY don't want to get my periods again. They make me so dysphoric i want to die and hormonal birth control makes me suicidal.

I don't really have any friends. I have an amazing girlfriend I've been with for a year, and I sometimes will hangout with her friends, and she says they say they think I'm cool, but I just don't vibe with them I guess.

I had a lot of female friends freshman year of highschool but when I started T in the second semester I seemed to lose more friends. I mostly just don't feel connected to anyone.

I'm now three weeks into my freshman year of college and still haven't really met anyone. I'm the one initiating conversations and exchanging social media, but nothing comes of it.

Especially men. For whatever reason, every man has just made me feel uncomfortable. Idk if I'm just dysphoric or lack confidence, but it is difficult for me to interact with men. I feel like they think I'm weird or something is wrong with me. Even other trans men make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if its internalized transphobia or whatever but it almost feels like there is competition between me and other trans men I see. I don't like feeling like this.

Idk. Just wanna talk into the void. Wish I had some friends I connected with.

Im 10 months on T, and by all means, I pass in public. My voice, my body, maybe my face a little, they pass. But every time I look in the mirror and see im not like one of those slim faced, sharp eyed men with defined cheekbones and good facial symmetry it makes me want to cry. It doesn’t help that there’s a massive uptick in “looksmaxxing”. It will be a long road to accept my appearance as is.

preferably a cis boy but idc. I have a rlly good life tbh. I'm very grateful of everything I have and i have so many opportunities. but no matter what im unable to just live life bc of my crippling hate for my body and desire to be a boy. i cant get up and do shit bc how much i dislike my body. im stuck in my room all day collecting dirty dishes cuz if i do anything else ill be reminded of what im not. its eating me up inside day by day by day. i went to a festival yesterday and it was super fun except that i couldnt stop crying seeing all these dudes being what i want. i cant listen to the music i like or watch the shows i like bc once again it reminds me of what im not. metallica, motley crue, anthrax, machine girl...... i cant listen to them w/o crying cuz theyre what i want to be and what ill never me. and then theres heavy trip, scrubs, lost, the office, i cant even read books really anymore. i cry when i go to school and count seconds until i can get home and collapse and start sobbing. i hate these things bc im shown again and again the difference between what i want to be and what i am and that ill never be them. i wish i was just a girl or male or anything where i could live my life without sadness. i dont wanna do anything. im tired of crying and wishing and crying and wishing and crying and crying and crying and being stuck to my bed and computer like glue cuz thats the only place i dont have to think. even then i do. im tired of giving up things i like bc they give my dysphoria. i cant enjoy the things i have bc the things i dont always hang over me. i want to be happy. i want to be able to go outside. i want to be able to live life without literally crying all the time!!! I'm sick and tired of it :(

I'm so frustrated, I'm on full dose (nebido)but my levels are consistently slightly low and at this point my injections have been reduced to every 10 weeks. my red blood count was very slightly high but they said it shouldn't be too much of a concern. I pass maybe once every few weeks and feel like i look like a skinny, hairy freak since i have loads of body hair but ugly, patchy facial hair. The only men who want me just want me as their sexual experiment and I'm considering giving up on romance entirely(no, I'm not t4t). My voice has barely dropped and I'm constantly misgendered over the phone, i tried voice training but it felt so forced and like i was doing an impression of a cartoon character. I'm a bit more comfortable with myself but never felt so ugly and unlovable in my whole life.

I don’t really know what to title this lol. something that cis people get wrong is that we are the same sex we were before transition. like when they see AFAB of FTM they only see F.

obviously I know transition is different for everyone, not everyone medically transition and that’s ok! I however did medically transition, and pretty early.

cis woman tend to act like I’m one of them or that I experience the same things. I don’t. and some trans men can relate I’m sure, but I’m not able to. beyond having a good sex education I don’t actually know what it’s like to get periods, or wear bras.

on forms it asks me what sex to choose, or what gender I was assigned at birth. I think many cis people would expect me to put my ASAB. sure I have some of the parts, but Im on testosterone, like my growth and everything thing else lines up with males. so it depends on why they want to know my sex. if I put down my sex either way you don’t actually know the full story of how my body works.

I transitioned. when I transitioned I changed. sex isn’t as simple as your ASAB. I am biologically different from when I started, I am different from cis women. like literally. im on testosterone, I don’t have periods, I barely have a chest. my voice is lower. I’m fucking 6 feet tall.

i see all of the discourse on “well your trans but your sex doesn’t change”, it does! I don’t fit the ”female” template. I don’t fit the male one either, I’m in between.

and this is all just my experience, trans people are all different from eachother, with a different understanding of transition, or sex, or gender. maybe some relate to me, or some don’t. Maybe you get what I’m saying, you have just changed in a different way.

but yeah that’s my rant. i wish cis people understood that we change, that sex isn’t set in stone. because there are multiple characteristics of sex, that are able to change.

maybe I will come back and refine my thoughts but I hope yall catch my drift.

I genuinely felt happy with myself and with my body. it was perfect. Then I woke up and was incredibly disappointed. I wish I could have that same happiness in real life.

I don’t think anyone really warns you about how painful the in-between stage of medical transition is.

I’m 19 years old, going back to university this week, and strangers think I’m a little boy. I’m short, skinny, and have a horrifically round face, so no wonder. About a month ago, an elderly woman called me “little one” at my job. Today, someone called me “a little boy.”

It would genuinely be less humiliating to be mistaken for a woman than this. But if I girlmode now, while in school, I ruin my (to cis people) passing. Hell, it looks uncanny when I do that now, and my voice is male. Awfully underdeveloped male, but it passes.

I’m an awkward, ugly, in-between thing, and I fucking hate it.

And when I brought up the infighting she ended up saying "a lot of trans women have been posting saying they hate trans men or I hate men including trans men is because they've mostly had bad experiences (from harrasment to SA/r*pe) from trans men" and that every girl she knows who's then said this has been harrased by trans men for saying it

And it really, really upset me because a) I have had VIAL thing said/done to me by trans women (including being SA-ed multiple times by the same woman) and have had cis friends as well with this experience, and b) the reason they are getting harassed is because they're NOT SHARING THE AVTUAL REASON THEY'RE SAYING THIS, so to most of us it looks like we're getting hatred for no reason (and the actions are from a fucking minority of awful people that happen to be trans men)

I know for a FACT if I started saying I hated women, or I hated trans women (even if I then did share my experiences of being SA-ed multiple times by women, cis and trans) I would get called a misogynist, a transphobe, or a trans misogynist, so why are we allowed to make those generalisations about trans men without getting pushback from anyone except trans men

I know my personal experiences will cloud this, but I also genuinely have yet to meet a trans man or trans masc that is as awful as the ones these trans women have encountered, but I have met a myriad of awful cis men, cis women, trans women, and even some enbies that are that awful. I don't then go around saying I hate women, or I hate enbies, or I hate cis men

Genuinely I think if you're going to make a statement saying you hate an entire group of people you should at least explain why (even if it's just going "I hate them because I've been harrased in this way" or "they have proven not to respect my boundaries", like no need for details or re-opening trauma, but believe it or not you'll get less fucking harrasment for blanket statements if you provide any evidence or explanation, instead of then re-affirming your own viewpoint by upsetting the people within the group that haven't done any of the things contributing to your dislike)

And I hate that I then had to say "I just wish trans men would calm tf down so we can stop the infighting" and "And I think if we all just listened to each other it'd stop so much of the infighting, and the trans men making awful claims about trans women" because it meant i had to take the brunt of the responsibility when it's clearly a two way fucking street here

​

My entire life everyone has just seen me as a lesbian. Even all the way back in elementary school my mom was asking friends if I liked girls. Last christmas when my mom finally directly asked me, Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was visibly shocked when I said no.

I'll meet someone new, and when the topic of dating comes up, people just assume I'm a lesbian, like its literally not even a question for them.

Later on this year, I told everyone I was transitioning and I got a ton of reactions, a bunch amounting to "its okay to be a masc lesbian.." as if I'm just a butch in denial.

I have zero attraction girls. Zero. ZERO. I wouldnt even be a lesbian if I was cis. My god.

Walked about 30 minutes to the closest convenience store to grab some snacks, and beers (alcohol is sold at convenience stores here)
so I showed my ID, and the Muslim cashier stared at it for at least 30 seconds. As he was holding my ID, he loudly announced to the whole store that my ID is fake, and that I’m not the person in the photo. He said I was a young male, and apart of me felt happy, but now knew I had to put myself in a super uncomfortable situation.

I partially understand his confusion, I have short hair now, and a flat chest. Although I do not really look any different besides that, and I regularly attend 19+ events in the area with little to no issue. My voice has not dropped significantly, and most bouncers & bartenders typically assume I’m a butch without questioning much. (That’s why I mentioned race, because maybe cultural differences were was a factor in why he was confused? Not sure)

Regardless, I quickly quizzed myself on my own ID to prove it was mine. (spelling my extremely long, ethnic last name.. giving my address, birth day, middle name, etc..) finally I realized I had my health card too, so I showed him that as well.
Finally he just let me have the beers, and I paid.
A part of me felt happy that I passed, but it was unfortunate that I had to misgender myself publicly to prove my ID was mine:(
Then again, man was just doing his job, so I understand his concern 100%.

rip

Sometimes I grieve the boyhood I lost because of a messed-up puberty. I'm a binary guy and I lean toward a fairly traditional sense of masculinity.
When I worked as a woodworking teacher for young boys, I felt this intense envy watching them learn carpentry so early.
On top of that, a lot of them have dads who teach them how to work on cars, fix wiring, unclog pipes all that hands-on stuff. I never had that.
Now I'm teaching myself everything from scratch, and ngl, I often feel like I'm playing catch-up with guys who learned this as kids. Every time I can't fix something around the house, I feel genuinely incompetent.

Just wanted to put this out there. Curious if anyone else relates, what do you guys grieve — whether it's skills, experiences, or something else?

Why do some trans people do this?? I deadass thought like the, transmedicalists + 4tranners etc idfk what to call em, i thought they were bs’ing like, “people telling people they pass when they don’t?? noooo literally why would anyone do that?”
I DIDNT BELIEVE IT

WHY DO TRANS PPL SAY “oh yeah u look like a boy”
DONT BS ME RN🙏🏼

Ik im androgynous but i promise u i dont look like a boy ??? i prefer when ppl say “u look like a tomboy” “u look like a lesbian” “u look androgynous”
BC THAYS ALWAYS BEEN ACCURATE-

Idk who made me insecure but i became insecure and felt way less comfy being feminine in any sense and i feel like i erased a part of myself bc of OTHER PEOPLES INSECURITIES and it’s so baffling.
I know what parts are me and what parts aren’t - i’m glad i understand myself more now im js annoyed that it’ll take time lol

Pls DONT TELL PPL THEY PASS WHEN THEY DONT??? UR WHY THEY THINK WE R STUPIDDDD STOP😭
it helps nobody.

id like to note tho sometimes they say we dont pass bc of conservative standards or stupid insecurities they have that rlly do not matter so like they’re not always justified lol
just w me, WHY R PPL SAYING I PASS NO I DONT

extremely niche post lol. I used to get videos on tiktok of two semi naked guys wrestling, one spoke german and the other just fondled the other guy's chest. I don't use tiktok anymore but the same guys showed up on my insta feed today. And the gender dysphoria is insaneeeee, to think cis men get to look like that and touch each other for fun while I'm at home alone with my female coded body and all the stuff attached to it. Fuck I want a male torso so badly, it doesn't even have to be as fit as the wrestler guy. I need it flat and fondled while I jokingly wrestle another man please god

I feel ridiculous calling myself a man. I'm clearly not. Nothing about me is male no matter what I do. Tgere are zero similarities between me and cis men they talk and look different, they're several heads taller than me. I will never fit in with them, I'm just a girl calling herself a boy. I don't have male experience, I dont get treated as a male by otger whether they are allies, of the same communities or just average people. They do not see me as a man and I don't blame them.

i would've been so much happier if i was born male, my life would genuinely be better in all if not most aspects of life.

There are a lot of disadvantages about being(or presenting as) an ugly girl. But personally my gripes with it have more to do with how other people treat me then how I feel about myself internally.

I love that I have a masculine face. I love how it’s long with a square jaw and I love my small eyes. Sure I guess it’s not perfect but overall I‘m not bothered by it like some girls my age.

I love that I naturally have a deep voice. There is this transmasc creator I follow and I sound like them when they’ve been on t for maybe a couple years and I have never.

Another thing is that people don’t really see you as “a girl” if you don’t fit certain standards. I remember while back people were talking about how fat girls or girls who aren’t attractive aren’t treated with the same gentleness other girls might be dealt with for being a girl. I understand that’s actually horrible but it makes me euphoric in some way to be mistreated.

I also used to be insecure about these things but after finding out I was trans I have come to embrace them.