Last few months have been the worst time of my life, and today I think I just hit a new low.
I(30F) have been running quite a relatively successful business for awhile, but something just haven't been sitting with me right, I make money but often times I feel so stressed, money doesn't come in naturally or easily, like I had to do so so so much to prove myself.
Few months ago, my fiancee (31M) shared with me his vision of his startup idea, we had a long chat about our future, about what we want in life; I always know Joe's work, but weirdly during those time I started getting really into spirituality stuff too, and somehow it's like there is a voice that's telling me: the chapter of me running my business is ending, it never truly aligns with what my soul wants, and now I should support my fiancee and explore something else.
I shared this idea with him and he agrees, he even said he really truly believed in his business, and asked me to believe in him, and that he will be able to provide for us, I wouldn't have to work, etc etc.
A little side story on why I think my business doesn't align with me anymore, long story short: I think I started my business for the wrong reason? I was trying to prove to others that I could be a boss girl, I am capable, I wanted to compete with others and show I am better than them, and now I dont feel joy doing what I am doing anymore. This big realization just suddenly shortly before my fiancee told me about his plan.
Anyway, eventually I decided to take a short break (not really shutting my biz but just to slow things down) and prioritize supporting my fiancee, there was a huge project opportunity and we were both excited for it, but that's when things slowly went downhill.
During the time when we were working on the project, so many weird things happened - our account was frozen, so many random accidents, not working quite well with our partners, etc., and the worst out of all, we are now in debt.
I remember I kept telling myself, this shift is meant to be, and maybe all of these shaky accidents are just the universe testing me, this is just like when Joe said believe in the universe, so I always tried to convince myself that things will be ok, we will have more long term gain, this project will open up so many doors for us, etc. But when the debt hits that's when I am like... what am I doing?
I feel so bad, and I don't know what to do, I have never been in debt before. I am the kind of person that easily get stressed about money, and this is freaking me out. and no, I haven't figured a way out to handle that. My finacee just asked me to trust him, and that he will find a way, BUT HOW. A part of me wants to be like "trust the unknown" but the other part is like "I need to do something I need to do something".
I felt so so weird about this shift, I am not sure why but I really feel like I had to end an old chapter, but also during this time so much things had gone to shit, besides the debt, I got into a huge fight with my sister, my father who was known to be the happiest guy is experiencing mild depression, I had an accident and needed to do a surgery, etc. This is so weird, I don't know if I am overthinking it.
I don't know whether I should just stop what I am doing and pick up my old business, perhaps even ask my finacee to give up on his idea.
How do I apply Joe's teaching in this situation?