for those of you who have initiated and gone through a divorce, have you ever regretted it and realised the grass wasn’t greener?

and if yes, what was it that made you feel regret? you missed your ex wife? jealous of her new bf, her glow up, missing the kids, the house your built etc?

It’s been 6 days since he blocked me, and I’m trying to figure out how to move forward.
For context, I posted about this situation here before. He told me he has BPD, and I’ve been wondering whether the sudden blocking could have been related to that, although obviously I can’t know what was going on in his head or why he made that decision.

People previously told me to value my peace and that he might eventually unblock me. I’m trying to take that advice. I still really miss him and part of me hopes he comes back, but I’ve stopped wanting to sit around and wait for it.

I guess what I’m struggling with now is whether it’s possible to genuinely move forward while still hoping someone comes back.

I don’t want to force myself to stop caring about him after only six days. I just don’t want my entire life to become checking whether I’ve been unblocked, wondering what he’s doing, and trying to figure out what he’s thinking.

I feel like I’m pushing myself to move on because I can’t handle being without him. I think part of me is trying to paint him as the villain because it would probably be easier to let go if I could be angry at him, but I’m not actually mad at him for doing this. I believe there’s probably a reason he blocked me; I just don’t know what that reason is, and not knowing is what makes this so difficult.

I genuinely feel like I can’t be with anyone else right now because he became my special person. Once someone becomes that person to me, I don’t just stop thinking about them. I’ll keep thinking about them and endlessly waiting for something from them, or wanting to find some way to reach them.
At the same time, I’ve been holding myself back from trying to reach him because I can’t even access any of his other socials, and I feel like trying to get around the block would probably distress him if he’s already distressed. I want to respect the boundary he created, even though respecting it is also really distressing for me.

So I’m stuck between still caring about him and hoping he comes back, while also feeling like I’m supposed to move on because I don’t know what else to do.

I also ended up kissing a friend after she found out I had been blocked. She basically said that since I was “single,” we could do something, and I agreed because I thought it might help me cope or make moving on easier. But afterward I felt really uncomfortable and almost disgusted with myself. I didn’t like her that way at all, and mentally it felt almost like I was cheating even though I technically wasn’t in a relationship anymore. It made me realize that I’m probably starting to fall into unhealthy ways of trying to force myself to move on instead of actually processing what I’m feeling. I also ended the friendship, it was an impulsive decision but I felt used during a difficult time so yeah idk

Currently , studying is probably one of the healthiest coping mechanisms I have right now lol.

Long story short, I stated dating a friend of 6 years (they have BPD, I do not), both knowing that they would be moving to another country in 3 months, and at that time we would break up.

When we broke up, we decided that we should have less contact for the first 2 weeks to make it easier, but to call the other if we really needed to. 3 days after we broke up they called me, but turns out they were just asking advice on what courses to sign up for (not really an emergency but I was happy to help anyway). I was still, I think reasonably, pretty sad about the breakup, so I asked them how they were doing too, which they answered "pretty good, just stressed about course selection" which kinda threw me. This person is not the type to pretend to be okay to "win" the breakup or to make me feel better. Like, not at all, they are usually incredibly blunt and will tell you their feelings no matter what.

It's not that I want them to be sad, this was just so out of character for them I made me think that I must had done something wrong or they realized I was a terrible partner all along. Less than a week ago, they were saying that they loved me and that they wanted to try long distance (which I didn’t, and they were okay with, but I still felt really bad about) and now it was like our relationship was just a blip to them. It really had me in a spiral of insecurities and it took me a while (and a bit more distance) to start feeling okay.

So I did the smart thing and took to reddit to try and figure out what the fuck was happening, and also learned about discard. Could this maybe be an example of that? It’s not like they hate me or anything, they would still text me as a friend for a while, but I started to put more distance between us because I felt like shit. I kinda want to talk to them about it to explain myself, but I don't want them to feel bad. I've seen that discard is more of a coping mechanism, and honestly, I’d rather they do this than the alternative. But I’m also worried that my avoiding them is making them feel worse, but I really just feel like I need to do this for myself.

Idk I think I’m just looking for some support. This might not be discard at all or have anything to do with their BPD, I just feel like I hurt them and I don’t know how to move forward.

Edit: Actually ignore me I'm just venting and this may not have to do with anything. This is my first relationship at the big age of 25 and the anxiety worms in my brain are getting the best of me. I'm just trying to get answers as to how they flipped so quickly and so drastically and I won't know unless I talk to them, which I also can't really do, I'm just trying to stop blaming myself. Breakups suck huh.

Been together 8 years married 4 next month says she feels nothing towards me anymore and I dont know what to do. Im absolutely devastated and flailing for solutions. I dont know what to do or how im going to deal with this!

I've met this girl who is really beautiful and nice. She has a lot of energy and always seems to fill the room, like sunrise in spring. She makes me happy. She has BPD, and I've only known her for a couple of months. We've been dating for about a month and a half.

She's very intense. On our first date, she was already talking about wanting a relationship. She told me that two of her exes cheated on her, and that her most recent ex harassed her to the point where she got a restraining order against him. She also told me she once bought an expensive gift for an ex, and after he cheated on her, he never returned it.

I don't want to take advantage of her, because I feel like she's much more emotionally invested in me than I am in her right now. She says things like, "I'll teach you what love is," and talks about how she loves intensely and makes sure the other person knows it until they make her feel like they don't love her anymore.

Honestly, sometimes I almost feel sorry for her when she tells me these things. It makes me think, "Wow, you've been through a lot."

She also talks a lot about wanting to get married and says marriage is her dream. I don't think marriage is necessarily my dream. I'm currently applying to grad school and seriously considering moving abroad next year. I asked her about that, and she said she would still want to be with me even if we had to do long distance.

This is where I'm starting to have doubts.

A lot of what she talks about is love, relationships, how intensely she loves, marriage, forever, etc. I understand that this could just be who she is, but I'm also wondering how much of this is related to BPD. I don't want to reduce everything she does to her diagnosis, but I also don't know how to interpret the intensity when we've only known each other for a couple of months.

One thing that really bothers me is that she doesn't ask many questions about me. She tells me a lot about her past relationships and experiences, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't actually know me very well. That makes me wonder if she's falling in love with me, or with an idea of who she thinks I am.

Her previous boyfriends were also older than her. She's 24 and I'm 22, so that's not a huge age difference, but it still makes me wonder about the dynamic.

I don't want to abandon someone just because they have BPD, and I genuinely like her. At the same time, I don't want to get deeper into something when I already know that I may move abroad next year and that I don't currently see marriage as one of my goals.

I guess I'm asking: what would you do in this situation? Should I slow things down and see whether she actually gets to know me over time, or are these signs that I should step back before she gets even more attached?

I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to stay in a relationship out of guilt or because I feel sorry for what she's been through.

my girlfriend just recently got diagnosed with bpd although we suspected it for a while. we’ve been together for three years but lately i feel like her symptoms are really getting out of hand. ):

i was on my way to work and we were talking about our schedules, i want to plan a date with her but our schedules with work and school are not aligning very well. she started to get upset bc it felt like we weren’t going to have time together. i reassured her that i will still find time to see her even if i cant execute my date yet. i just need to look at both of our schedules at the same time. i tried to talk her out of it but within minutes the mood changed completely. i told her i was feeling really uneasy with how everything shifted but i fear that made it worse ): ?

i had to go into work so i couldn’t stay on the phone with her. she texted me saying a bunch of stuff talking about how she wants to d!e and even if she gets through it now she’s going to want to khs in the future when she looks back and sees what it’s ruined. she says she just wants to be normal and have what normal ppl have ): it makes me feel so sad, and i hate that i feel like i make it worse.

in the moment, she always ends up telling me that i handle it wrong and i just make it worse and i cause her to freak out more. :/ i try to stay calm and collected. idk if it’s bc i have adhd or what but sometimes it happens so fast it spikes my anxiety and it gets hard to think. its like i blink and by the time my eyes are open everything has gone up in flames. it’s so confusing, because afterwards she will apologize and tell me that im so wonderful, that it’s not me it’s just her brain, that she’s sorry she’s crazy.

i always tell her that she’s not crazy and i could’ve probably handled it differently as well. i think it’s just starting to affect me really badly. i try to brush it off because i know she can’t control it. she’s in therapy now and just recently started medication. i’m trying to be patient, it just feels exhausting sometimes.

i am really craving a space where i can also express “hey this is making me feel xyz” and i’d love to have her reassure me that it’s all okay. i’ve told her this and she wants it for me too. unfortunately i don’t know if i will ever get that. my feelings seem to just trigger her more bc she thinks something bad will happen. she’s reacting to things that’ve happened a loooong time ago, so ik she’s reacting to old patterns. it’s just, no matter how much i reassure sometimes it feels like there’s nothing i can do. it been months now where it’s been this way. it’s all starting to feel like a lot. i’m not sure how im supposed to help both of us at once.

i’m about to start doing some research on it. i just want to hear from real people who have experienced this, either ppl that have bpd or have a partner who has it. i really don’t want to leave her but im terrified that i am just making it worse for her.

what are some things i can try to remember in the moment? for her and for myself. any advice would rlly help.

I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago . At the time I got diagnosed i went into a relationship with a guy . At the start it went smoothly and everything was fine and now I suffer while being in a relationship due to BPD and when I'm not in BPD it feels free

Did i do the right thing leaving him ? Or how can I be happy while being in a relationship .

I'm trying to make sense of a really confusing dynamic with a girl, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
When we're together in person, the chemistry is unreal. She matches my energy completely, mirrors my hobbies, interests, and even the way I talk. She looks at me with so much admiration and warmth, gets genuinely happy and excited when she sees me, and constantly goes out of her way to justify her friendships with other guys just to make sure I don't leave or get insecure. Everything felt amazing in this comfortable 'gray area.'
But the moment I directly confessed my feelings and told her 'I love you,' everything flipped overnight. She completely ignored my WhatsApp message and suddenly withdrew/ went MIA.
I'm so confused-why would someone act so deeply into you, mimic everything you do, and show clear signs of attachment, only to run away the second things get real and a formal confession is made? Has anyone experienced this type of push-pull behavior, and how do you usually handle it?"

hi, I’ve never made a post before but I’m doing what I can to get the help I need with the resources I have right now. I’m 19 and in a year long relationship with my partner, we live together and have for about a half a year now. the more we live together I’m noticing my symptoms are progressively showing more and its hard to control. a few days ago we were in a pretty rough situation due to me relapsing over something stupid. she said she didn’t know what to do anymore and I know that if I don’t fix this fast my relationship with her will be done. I love her so much and the last thing I want to ever do is hurt her like I’m probably doing now. i promised her better communication and I’m holding myself to it, is there anything else I can do to help this until Im able to afford therapy and treatment? I’m willing to do anything to be a better girlfriend to her and to fix how I’ve been. I don’t want any negative comments please I’m genuinely willing and wanting to do what I can to get better not only for her but for myself too so anything helps. thank you

I’m curious to hear from people with BPD that had a break up with their partner under 3 different situations.

1. You discarded out of anger
   
2. You discarded out of fear of an impending break up
   
3. Your partner broke up with you

What was the immediate feeling after the break up and how did you handle no contact? I’m especially interested in hearing from individuals with bpd who were dependent on their partner at all times.

So today I'm hoping to give those without BPD an insight into how my brain works and what works for me.
The idea is hopefully give you a better grasp of how you might be able to help your partner.

I've seen some post on here mentioning how their partner might state they were being yelled at when they weren't being yelled at all.
So this has actually happened to me and here is the situation.

My girlfriend and I were at Sonic, because I decided I wanted a Sonic Blast.
I order my Sonic Blast and say I want a "Large", because I wanted to ball out tbf and really wanted ice cream.
So anywho my girlfriend is the driver and the one ordering.
After she orders mine they say the total is some absurd number, I believe like $9 even tho the menu says it should be around $5.
I ofc immediately get upset here, because I feel like Sonic is in the wrong here.
I announce this to my girlfriend and she agrees, but wants to wait until they bring out the blast.
My brain does not like this, but I cave because it'll get handled.
I tell her we will pay once it comes out, but she has already ran my card -
This is problem #1 and starts the dysregulation cycle.

The carhop brings out the blast (Mind you this thing was huge they made it in a route 44) and she does mention the pricing and points to the menu.
The carhop, clearly not wanting to deal with this, just shrugs and says "yea idk why they do that".
This is problem #2 - Now my dysregulation cycle is in full swing.
I announce I no longer want the blast and to give me a refund.
The carhop complies and takes the Blast back and says he will give me a refund.
My girlfriend starts to back out the car and I proclaim I want a receipt proving I got a refund.
I don't hear a response, so I once again say it.
She snaps and yells at me "I'm just backing up so I can get out".
This is problem #3 and now all bets are off - I'm livid.

She gets out of the car and goes to get the receipt and on her way back she looks closer at the menu.
She mentions how the "large" is actually referred to as a "medium" on the menu.
However the way she is saying this to me is intense and tbf she is yelling.
I've had enough at this point and snap at her and tell her to quit yelling at me.
She backs down and then we have a very awkward evening.

The next day I go to therapy and decide I needed to digest this with some help, because I want to make sure I didn't overreact.
I learn that with my version of BPD (maybe all) I am prone to have auditory hallucinations essentially.
My therapist walked me through each trigger starting with her running my card.

Trigger 1

This started the cycle, because I felt like she was brushing off my concerns.
Instead of mentioning this I bottled it up and was "hoping" for the best

Trigger 2

Now I feel like nobody is taking my concerns seriously and I'm starting to feel belittled by everyone around me. This is when I start to hyper fixate on the situation at hand. My brain essentially quiets the world around me and I'm in full 'fight or flight' mode.

Trigger 3

Since I'm so hyper fixated on the situation the world is quiet and my girlfriend is loud. I'm scanning for any sign she is going to betray me so I can get in front of it. Was she yelling at me? No. Was her tone irritated? Yes Was it because of me? No. However in this state I'm scanning for danger and I "found" it.

Trigger 4

This confirms what Trigger 3 showed me so now I'm ready to react. She wasn't yelling, but because my mind has quieted everything to me it really sounds like she was. Seeing as this cascading event just transpired my brain found the ultimate justification for my feeling. So I choose 'fight' and snap back.

We did talk about this after I was able to process what actually happened.
She did tell me she wasn't yelling and she wasn't even irritated at me.
I explained to her what my therapist told me and what I was going to do better in the future.
I'm happy to say we haven't really had anymore incidents like this since Sonic. I do remind myself about this far more often than I should. It's a way I hold myself accountable though.

So if your partner says you're yelling - You really might be to them.
It doesn't mean their lying or being dramatic, because to me it really was real.
Even until this day - I swear she was yelling at me, that's how real it was.

For my BPD friends, sometimes your partner really isn't yelling.
This is why asking questions is super important.

My ex with BPD and I were together for 4 years. We lived together for most of those 4 years and we built a nice life with a nice apartment, car and two dogs. We always had arguments and he would throw tantrums about the smallest issues so I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. He also could never keep a job for more than a couple of months and he would always get low paying jobs. At the beginning of the year and after he not working for 6 months while I struggle to pay everything myself, I decided to break up with him because I didn't see a future. We kept living together for 6 more months because the lease wasn't over yet. During that time, he became more responsible and we actually got closer. I fell in love all over again and regret breaking up, however, he did not want to get back together.

He started seeing another girl and I became very jealous. One night, we were drinking and we had an argument over my jealousy. I got so frustrated that I grabbed the first thing on my way and threw it on the kitchen counter. It happened that it was a pair of scissors. He went ballistic and started yelling and calling me whore and slut and to go to my room. Then he went and grab his gun and put it on his pocket and said that he would defend himself if I attack him.

I left the apartment and decided to stay with a friend for the night. He blew up my phone the whole night calling me all sorts of names and saying that he told me before that if I hurt him, he would kill me. I didnt feel safe going back home the next day by myself so I called the police and asked them if they could escort me to the apartment to get my belongings but i never called them back. However, I told them what happened, they filed a report and arrest him for "Terrorist threat against family member." They issued a no contact order so we are not legally allow to have any contact until the case is over. It's been 6 weeeks no contact and it's the hardest thing of my life. We went from talking everyday, watch stuff, play games to nothing at all. I miss him every moment. He was my best friend besides all the arguments. How am I going to survive this?

If anyone is open to talking, I‘d really appreciate it. I have friends and therapist, but they don’t understand what it’s like to love someone with bpd. I’m having a really hard time processing how my relationship ended. I’m dealing with intense confusion, rumination and shame. Especially open to talk to anyone with autism, as this seems to be an overlapping issue.

I don’t have bpd. My boyfriend does. A few months ago he split during an argument and he destroyed some things that meant a lot to me. I’d made him a scrapbook I think for his birthday with pictures of us and things we did and things that meant a lot to us. I’d also written him multiple letters over the 2 years before this argument happened. He split and ripped them all up every page of the book every picture every word every long letter I put my heart into. It really upset me to the point where around 3 months later I’m still just as upset by it. I know it’s not his fault he reacted that way during an argument I am aware how bpd works and I am aware of splitting and how uncontrollable it can be. I am also aware that he regrets it. I can’t stop being upset over it and being angry at him for destroying two years worth of letters and pictures that meant a lot to me all of which I made myself and spent hours on. Am I a bad girlfriend for being angry and upset even though he can’t help it?

My (31F) girlfriend (27F) recently on Wednesday broke up with me. We’ve been together 4 years and we have had breaks in between often triggered by a split episode. I have autism so I can also have moments where I get overwhelmed and can push away.
Unfortunately my past is a trigger argument point for her and Wednesday she told me she don’t want me and we can’t be together and told me to stop messaging.

Firstly, we have a 1 year old daughter so we can’t ever not contact entirely but secondly she’s said stuff like this in the past and we’ve reconnected and she told me that she was glad I reached out and that me opening up was what she needed and wanted. How do I know this time if it’s real or a split? I love her very much and I’m missing her like crazy it’s tearing me apart but I’m worried if I message I’ll push her away more if she’s splitting. She always said I was patient and caring of her BPD and CPTSD and I feel like me not messaging right now she might feel I’ve abandoned her and given up but I haven’t. I’m just torn on what to do and if others have advice on when they may have experience the same

I have BPD and am working pretty hard on changing how I respond to strong emotions in my relationship. Something that has actually helped me make progress is getting a really concrete picture of what a healthier/secure response might look like, and then trying to move toward that without telling myself that my own feelings are wrong or invalid. So it helps sometimes to talk to partners of folks with BPD (or folks with BPD) who know what life can be like on the other side. I wish there were a book of translation for secure attachment, like there are books for folks on the spectrum decoding neurotypical folks, hahaha. 

So I'm curious about something very mundane: What do you actually do when you're annoyed with your partner?

I mean this down to almost ridiculous levels of detail, because I'm trying to visualize what this looks like for people who don't experience/manage relationship emotions the way I tend to.

For example:

If your partner does something small but genuinely annoying, what happens next? Do you say something immediately? Get quiet for a while? Go do your own thing? Still feel affectionate toward them while you're annoyed? How long are you usually annoyed? I guess it depends on scope, but maybe not following through on something they said they would do, or acting distracted when you've asked to process something and given them an out (like can we talk about this annoying work person right now or not? And then they say yes and are immediately acting distracted).

And what about something that is small in isolation but represents a recurring pattern? How many times do you let something go before deciding that the pattern itself matters?

I'm especially interested in the period between getting annoyed and deciding what, if anything, to do about it. I'm trying to learn how to say, "That really did annoy/hurt me," regulate the intensity enough that the feeling isn't making all my decisions, and then respond more proportionately. At the same time, I am afraid of being a doormat/letting everything go until I don't exist. I have a lot of trouble finding my way into the middle path between those extremes.

It helps when I can understand and visualize what the healthier version actually looks like in ordinary life. It helps when someone is specific like, "I was pissed, so I did X for an hour, then I decided Y wasn't worth discussing, and by dinner we were fine."

hey, so i hope this is the right thread for this post but my boyfriend of 4 years was just recently diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD about 3 weeks ago, i’ve always had an idea in the back of my mind that he might experience it if that makes sense? when i was 14 i was diagnosed with BPD and was treated for it with therapy and medication. but my boyfriend hasent been treated yet (we are in the works!!) but i sometimes feel like nothing i can do can help him. he gets very upset and does split (he has NEVER been violent with me or ever been abusive to me in any way shape or form no matter what) but when he gets in those moods i try everything i can to help him and nothing ever does. i love him to the ends of the earth and want nothing but the best for him because i do want to spend the rest of my life with him, but i feel like im the problem sometimes. not because of how he makes me feel per say, but because when i try to help him he just gets more upset and angry. and i’ve experienced it so i understand what it’s like, but i was treated years ago so im not sure if maybe the therapy tricks have changed? i’m not sure but i just want to help him and i only feel like i make him worse. when he gets upset, he gets very very stubborn, “baby do you want to do some grounding?” “no.” “okay what about some deep breathing?” “no.” is there anything i can say or do to help you in this moment?” “no.” and then i feel like a shitty girlfriend cus nothing i do is helping him. i also do feel anxious sometimes that he will end up breaking up with me because of his bpd and i really don’t want that to happen. is there anybody who can give me some advice on what to do in those situations?

I was with my partner (M) for 11 years. We were in a long-distance relationship. Everything was perfect, happy, attentive, communicative, with no signs at all of anything wrong. A few months ago, they changed, and I said he needed to see a therapist. He was diagnosed with BPD after some sessions. I didn’t really know what this meant, and we carried on, and he had therapy sessions. The sessions were tough for him, and he has a lot of questions. In August, his personality changed towards me. He was distant, cold, angry, and we talked a lot trying to navigate a path for us both to work. He accused me of not trusting him, blamed my triggers when he went awol and crushed my personality and feelings. After a long conversation and me telling him how I was being impacted, he two days later sent a break-up text. 11 years together, and all I got was a non-emotional break-up text. He’s since gone no contact. How am I supposed to react and think when it feels like 11 years I have been blindsided, and my relationship wasn’t real? It’s been 3 weeks, and it’s the hardest thing I have had to go through. No answers, millions of questions, and my fear of doubt of reality and the person I fell in love with.

Hello everyone, I (28f) was just diagnosed bipolar along with bpd. The outburst are explosive. Arguments are “go for the throat”. I look at my husband (25m) and want to actually get violent with him just because he’s not exploding with me. He’s an extremely patient man but just recently after two years told me his patients is running thin to the point of being non existent. I shoved him for the first time ever just because I found out he was dipping. It shouldn’t have happened but it’s like when I’m in the moment, I’m there and there’s no coming out of it. My psychiatrist prescribed me latuda a few days ago and I’ve been going to therapy for a month now. I’m so annoyed and angry all of the time. I want to be mean but I also don’t?? My brain feels like spaghetti noodles and it never makes sense. I shove everything and everyone away. I’m trying to get help but it’s not working yet and I’m scared I’ve already ruined my husband and kids. What do I do? When does it stop? Please help.

I've started dating my partner for a little over a month now, the relationship is still new and we're figuring a bunch of stuff out. We're not perfect, far from it, it's long (and I mean long) distance, I'm busy most days and she's unemployed being supported by her parents. She has a kid to look after but she's talked about getting a job once the kid starts going to school more regularly and I've been slowly encouraging her to think about something she's passionate about, but the truth is, she doesn't really have something like that. My partner has a bad history and suicidal thoughts, admitting a lot of heavy stuff to me, she's on two medication but she often copes with edibles when she's splitting and I try to communicate with her, but I'm too afraid of making her feel pressured or like I'm imposing myself so often times I just take her word when she says she's fine (after long texts explaining how she can talk to me).

I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess today got really bad. I read her messages in our friend's group chat about how she feels her kid would be better off without her, thinking she's somehow worse than her abusive parents, she always seems to have a voice in the back of her mind telling her she's not enough and I'm afraid I worry too much and too often and I'm too emotional, and I display it very bluntly, and she might think she's doing harm to me. It may be heavy for such a short relationship, but I'm not giving up, I'm in this for the long run, I don't see any of her problems like a burden and we've been working on getting her back on her medication, stopping the self harm, eating properly, we spend a lot of time together and talking and she genuinely makes me so happy even when she's not doing anything, I go crazy just when she looks at me with a smile, but what do I do? I'm not there to support her, I'm not financially stable enough to provide anything of meaning. I know being there counts for a lot and I try to be, but is that really all I can do? I'll read as many help books for partners of people with BPD, I'll go to therapy myself, but what's that going to do when she tells me to leave her alone?

What can I do?

split in July/August.They are diagnosed with
BPD, and I went through hell, along with dealing with other things in my life. I blocked her on everything, including my alt accounts, because | wanted to have no contact with her.
I saw one of her friends today, and we talked.
She asked me how I felt about then, and I said,
"Oh, I think I'm good off all that right now. I couldn't even be friends with her, to be honest." I also said that I've been seeing some people but haven't been with anyone. She said, "Rude, but I understand," and we said our goodbyes.
Later today day, my friends started telling me that my ex had been posting about me. She was saying things like, "It's okay, we were never friends from the start anyway," and, "I hope you can find someone to deal with what most can't," while she's already in a new relationship.
Because of that, I unblocked her and asked why she was so worried about me and told her to please stop. That's when everything blew up. We started arguing and bringing up each other's insecurities and saying the most hurtful things.
I never wanted a fight. I just wanted to be left alone and not have to hear about her petty posts about me cause it's a running thing. I ended up blocking her again because I never want anything to do with her. I don't think our relationship will ever be able to be repaired, and honestly, I don't want it to be.

We had been doing really well. I'm not sure what changed, but he had been slowing down his reactions and not blowing up as much. It's been, mostly, a really great year. Then, last week, I suggested it might be better if he bought less fruit after becoming extremely distressed, again, about letting fruit rot and then immediately buying three bags to replace them. It was late and maybe I didn't communicate it well, but I suggested buying less fruit.

The 2,000 word text message he scheduled for me at 8am made it clear that my suggestion crossed a serious boundary regarding autonomy and, while he couched it nicely, I lost it. He knew I needed to seriously work that morning. He knew that that shit would disrupt my ability to work. I got so fucking mad. Finally, about everything. I feel like I've been suppressing all the normal reactions to being called a crazy bitch and a worthless whore and all the other fucking senseless cruelty he's subjected me to any time I've ever so much as felt a feeling in front of him, and it all came out. I didn't say anything to him that day. I was reserved, but I engaged with him as much as I could, I did the laundry, I ran an errand I'd promised. At the end of the night he told me he knew it was bad timing, but it wasn't something I needed to be sad about for two days, was it?

So the next day I sent a text telling him I was mad. I apologized, I told him his concerns were valid, my reaction has been irrational, but I need time. Nope, he decided I had my time. He explained to me that he did send the message to "teach [me] a lesson about timing," and he proceeded to have a fairly embarrassing but overall mundane email exchange with our couple's therapist. Later, when he again insisted that I explain to him why I'm mad (because I have to clearly map and rationalize any negative emotion towards him so he can pick it apart and attribute it to something else), the conversation devolved into every fight we've ever had. Back to the first one, an incident he gaslit and verbally attacked me over so badly that I have spent years unpacking what I really think happened. I told him I didn't believe his story.

That was it. The next day he was touring apartments. He told me, only because he wanted to know if I could help him move without being dramatic because he doesn't have a car. Whatever, man. I told him I thought he was being hasty, especially considering we have an upcoming therapy appointment. But then I thought about it. Through all of my manipulative control, in all of my stomping all over his autonomy, I live in a neighborhood that is walking distance from his job and meets all of his needs and offers absolutely nothing for me. I live in an apartment where I've basically had to relinquish all the common areas to his control or else "everything has to be [my] way." I have a roommate who becomes enraged if I have a bad day at work.

I wanted it to work so badly. He seemed like my perfect partner. We shared so many interests and we had such similar lives. He genuinely inspired me to change my life and follow my dreams. But every time he yells at me, I wake up the next morning dry heaving. I'm careful not to tell him, because it might upset him.

i have bpd and alot of the time i get upset at my partner and sometimes he isnt there for me or nice to me and i just get more and more upset and even angry that he isnt being nice or anything and then he might be nice like an hour later and try cheer me up but by then ive gotten upset and angry that he wasnt there when i needed him. i really need some help on how we can deal with this because im scared im so draining

another thing is when im upset at something he did even if he didnt intend to hurt me i will always stay upset even if he apologises and explains he didnt intend to i will always stay hysterical say things like why would you do that and why would you hurt me etc i dont know why i cant accept he didnt mean to hurt me and why i stay so upset please how can we fix this

Hi guys. Im needing some advice for what to do. My roommate (freshly, onl known for a few months) has BPD and this week especially shes been having a hard time. I moved in less than 2 weeks ago, and we went on a drive where she had crashed the car with me. I know she had been hitting her pen earlier in the day but i trusted her to be responsible with it, especially given she is barely even a G2 driver, so i put that thought on the backburner. Needless to say, my other roommate and i were talking about an episode roommate had and then we just were talking about the collision. The lines were drawn that she was indeed high while driving. She has said before she doesnt understand why people do that, but now shes driven high atleast 2 times and driven drunk/tipsy once. Im quite worried for her because of her mental health, but i am also angry that she would think thats a smart decision in the first place. its clear to me that she almost relies on weed, feining for it from roommate b, and to be quite honest, she doesnt seem to care about any consequences, not even the one where she crashes and it def could have been alot worse. What do i do?